Negan's Nurse
by TeamCarlisle
Summary: Negan is injured badly after a supply run and is treated by Alexandra, part of the medical staff. She treats his injuries and Negan soon realizes that he enjoys her company a lot more than he had anticipated. Chemistry begins to build between them and both of them find themselves trying to fight it... but neither of them can fight it forever.
1. Walk It Off

Negan hobbled into the medic station trying not to let any of his men see him limping. He had been fortunate not to have suffered series injury in his time after the world went to hell. This time he was feeling it - shooting pain in his right leg and another in his chest.

"Negan." A woman's eyes lit up when she took in his appearance. From her perspective and experience in the medical field it wasn't hard to witness the pain in his eyes.

"I need a medic," he said quietly and calmly.

"I'll get you a bed setup in back."

"No," he insisted roughly, and then cleared his throat and softened his voice. "No, I'm not doing this shit here." Negan breathed in heavily once. "Send someone to my room. I'll tell the guards."

Before she could respond he turned and hobbled away, attempting to straighten up with a groan as he crossed back into public space.

The walk up into the compound felt like miles. Each step felt like a thousand knives were penetrating the lower half of his leg. It left him less time to focus on the pain that ached just above his pectoral muscles.

 _I really got fucked up this time_ , he thought.

Negan almost didn't make it down the home stretch to his room. The fighter in him scolded the part of his subconscious that was telling him to quit and it made him press on at a faster pace.

When he finally crossed into his living quarters he made his way into the bedroom and laid down flat on his back on the bed and removed his red scarf. He winced as he tossed it to the side and laid motionless in the silence until there was a knock on the door.

"It's open!" He shouted, attempting to regain the mirage that he wasn't hurt as badly as he knew he was.

Negan lifted his head as he heard the door click open and shut. "Lock it," he ordered. He leaned his head back down.

When the woman he spoke to downstairs appeared in his room he squinted his eyes. "Where's the damn medic?"

She placed a bag down in a chair beside his bed. "I graduated from medical school. I'm better."

Negan was intrigued and slightly impressed by her confidence. "I'll make the call on that," he challenged.

"Randy never got his degree." She took in his appearance and squatted down next to right leg. "It's this one?"

He nodded, unable to argue. "What's your name?" Negan didn't even have it in him to throw in his typical terms of endearment at the end of the sentence.

She looked up at him. "Alexandra... Ali is fine." As she tried to roll up his pant leg he cursed.

"Fuckin'..." His voice trailed off and she rose to her feet. "Don't take this the wrong way Negan but I'm going to have to take your jeans off."

He chuckled in the midst of the pain, never losing his humor.

"Do your worst to me."

Alexandra remained professional. Despite being so strong she wanted to impress Negan with her medical capabilities. She knew he was in charge and the main reason why she was still alive.

"Can you undo the buckle?" She asked.

He laughed again and struggled with the pain in his chest.

"Is it your shoulder too?"

"I don't fucking know," he huffed, aggravated from the pain more than her questions.

She remained calm and swiftly undid the buckle on his pants before he could make a dirty comment. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had another injury."

Negan took a deep breath as she shimmied his pants down, careful around the base of his right leg. "Fuck lady..." he clenched his jaw when a pain rose in his ankle.

Alexandra looked at him. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "I'm going to gently squeeze your foot through your boot, okay? Tell me if anything hurts?" He gave a simple nod and she began at his toes, making her way down along the outer edge before he grunted and closed his eyes for a moment. "Right there?"

Negan nodded again. "Boy this medical stuff is hard huh?" His sarcasm made her smile and he managed a chuckle just after.

"I'm going to take your shoe off. It's going to hurt," she warned, beginning to unlace his right boot.

"Got any pain killers in that bag?"

Alexandra stopped what she was doing and reached in. She knew he would need them regardless and if Negan was asking then the pain must have been be great. "Take one for now. I'll leave the bottle when I go." She rose, eyeing a pitcher in the main room and quickly poured him a glass of water before returning.

Negan managed to push himself up to get the pill down before settling flat on his back again, breathing heavy.

"This isn't going to kick in right away," Alexandra informed him.

"You think I don't fucking know that?" he asked, not lifting his head. "I'm not a fucking idiot." Negan cleared his throat. "And thanks."

She didn't know whether to shake her head, smile or scold him for his choice of words. This was the most interaction the two of them had had since the day he found her struggling to survive in the woods. Alexandra knew of his blunt personality but now she was experiencing him first hand.

She untied his boot, loosening the laces as much as she could before slipping it off.

Negan held back a grimace but she could see the movement pained him. She peeled off his sock next and her eyes widened at the deep bruising and swollen exterior half of his foot. "This is broken," she knew right away, touching the area as tenderly as possible before attempting to slide his pant leg off the rest of the way.

"Easy..." he ordered, impress by how she maneuvered the clothing away without hurting him much.

The swelling continued up the back of his calf, as did the bruising. She pushed her fingers up the back of his leg causing him to lace out a string of profanity.

"I apologize, Negan." She shook her head, continuing to examine the area before deciding on a verdict with her limited supplies. "I believe your foot and the fibula bone back here are broken."

"Well that's just fucking amazing." Negan shook his head at the thought of him having to rule from a hospital bed.

"I'll have to secure it and you'll need to stay off it."

"The fuck I am-" he began but her tone grew more series.

"Negan in this world a broken leg can be a death sentence if you don't treat it properly." Alexandra shook her head. "You can't just get up walking around on it."

He stared at her for a moment, frustration plaguing his features. "You have to fix me up."

"I will," she vowed with a nod, "But I'm not a miracle worker."

He loosened his jacket to the best of his ability. "I can't fucking move much up here."

Alexandra began helping him remove his jacket but he cried out in pain as she began to remove his left arm. "Where does it hurt?" She laid him back down and Negan reached his opposite hand up, resting it along the very top of his chest.

She peeled back the top of his shirt and noticed the swelling immediate, drawing a hand across his collar bone that shifted under her touch.

"Fuck!" he hollered. "Stop!"

Alexandra drew her hands back and tried not to show worry in her eyes. "Your clavicle is broken in half."

"Collarbone right?" Negan breathed in heavy, keeping his eyes pressed shut.

"Right." She put a hand on her forehead. "What happened to you out there?"

"Some fucking guy hit me with a crow bar. Got ambushed by a second." He laughed, almost madly and kept his eyes shut. "Go take a look at Lucille in there and tell me who won that fucking fight." Negan laughed again.

"You got all the way back here like this?"

"I had my men with me," he reminded her.

"They didn't help you?"

"They didn't need to know." He let his eyes flicker open. "The fuck do you care?"

Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "I just... you're hurt pretty bad to just have walked it off like that."

"Honey." Negan grinned. "Don't you know who the fuck I am?" He managed a wink. "Now let's get this motherfucker off before I go ape-shit."

It took her a moment for her to realize he meant the jacket and then looked back down at his left shoulder.

"There's a wooden spoon in the other room," he told her. "Go get it."

"Why?" When Negan flashed her a look she hurried away, returning momentarily and he placed it between his teeth to bite down on while they got the jacket off. Alexandra sighed and looked at him. "I don't-"

"Just do it." His eyes burned into hers and Alexandra was a gentle as possible, maneuvering his arm at every possible angle she could to get him out of the piece of clothing.

Negan bit down hard, feeling the corners of his eyes weld up with unwilling tears as he shouted curse words in mumbled fashion against the spoon.

"Okay..." Alexandra breathed as his arm became free. "Okay... I'm sorry."

Negan breathed in and out heavily, grabbing the spoon from his mouth with his right hand and tossing it hard against the wall. "That was a bitch."

"Yeah... the worst part is over," she reminded him, not realizing she had begun to run her hand softly over his hair.

He didn't fight it, like he typically would. After all the pain it felt good and so he laid there for a minute, decompressing.

"Negan," Alexandra sighed. "I'm going to run down and get a sling for your arm to keep the collarbone stable."

"Is it that bad?"

She hesitated and then nodded. "Both injuries are bad. Not life threatening but bad. They need to be treated. You need rest."

Negan didn't argue. "What about for the leg?"

"I've got things for that too." Alexandra nodded. "I'll send Randy back."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "No, I'd rather you."

She almost smiled but simply nodded.

"And Alexandra," he said, "Don't let anyone know about my injuries."

"Your secret's safe with me." The two of them stared at one another for a moment and then she turned, "I'll be right back."


	2. Human

When the door opened and closed again Negan lifted his head as Alexandra hurried back into the room. "I'm sorry it took so long."

"You're fine." He glanced down at his leg, noting the differences between the two. "I really am fucked up huh?"

"Temporarily." She ran her hands tenderly over the area again as she decided the best way to secure his leg.

"You got a knack for this shit."

"Thank you." Alexandra looked up at him. "I'm going to stabilize your leg. Tell me if anything hurts."

"I won't hold back," he promised, but anticipated moments of pain, watching intently as she bandaged him up. Several times throughout the process she looked up at him and he eased her mind by saying, "Take your time."

"Do you have extra pillows?"

"Why you want to sleep over?" Negan began to chuckle at his joke and she finally laughed for the first time.

"I need them to place under your leg... for elevation."

He grinned at her, pleased to see her finally find humor in something he said. "In the closet... up top."

Alexandra continued to smile and hurried over, grabbing two before carefully lifting his stabilized leg up onto them. "Did the pain meds sink in yet?" she asked.

"Maybe a little."

She looked at him. "We should get your arm into a sling." She motioned to his left shoulder. "And then I may try to sit you up."

"Worst is over..." he eyed her suspiciously and then tipped his mouth up in a smirk.

"Half of it." Alexandra gave him a guilty expression. "Want to bite down on the spoon again?"

Negan shook his head. "Let's get this part over with."

She approached him, carefully taking his arm in her hands and sliding the sling around his upper body. "Can you sit up just a little?"

He took a deep breath and did as she asked.

Alexandra hurried, seeing his was masking the pain he was in and propped his pillows up so he could sit with his head slightly against the headboard. She then readjusted his leg and placed a pill bottle down on the nightstand beside the bed.

"Okay." She nodded at him. "You're okay for now."

Negan looked up at her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"I'd say you qualify." He grinned. "You're the number one medic around here. Demote that Randy kid."

Alexandra laughed and stared at him for an extra second. "Take another pain pill when the sun sets." She clicked on the bedside lamp. "Do you want a book to read?"

Negan stared back at her. "Sure. Anything. I have a ton on the shelf in there."

She nodded and headed into the other room, returning with a short stack of books a moment later. "Three fiction, two non-fiction and an old ESPN magazine from five years ago."

"The latest in pro sports," he joked and then shook his head. "Fuck..." He thought for a moment at how far gone things actually were.

"I'm going to head back down."

Negan looked at her again for a moment. "When are you off duty?"

She laughed. "Never."

Negan watched as she tucked a large blanket around him. A part of him felt like he didn't deserve such treatment. "Well... in that case... why don't you come back tonight when I should be taking another pill? That way I'll know I'm taking it... properly." He knew he could order her to do so, but he didn't want to. He wanted to get her honest reaction.

Alexandra looked into his big brown eyes and nodded. The man before her wasn't the all powerful Negan that everyone spoke of. He was vulnerable and very human like the rest of them. "Yeah. Yeah I'll come back in a few hours." She swallowed hard when he continued to hold her in place with his eyes. "Are you comfortable?"

Negan nodded, "I'm just fucking fine now." He grinned. "Thank you."

She gave a closed-mouth smile back and turned to leave. When Alexandra exited his room she pictured Negan laying there alone for half the day and suddenly felt bad for him. He looked so helpless with his arm in a sling in a white t-shirt and boxer shorts and unable to move much without wincing in pain. To see such a strong man in a weakened state was difficult, but she knew he would be back on his feet eventually.

Alexandra passed the day away tending to minor injuries with the highlight being a butterfly stitch on one of Negan's men. She looked out the window continually, her mind off her work for the first time awhile as she watched the sun get lower and lower in the sky. She didn't know why she wanted to go back to see Negan, but the feeling was there and it had her anxious for the day to end.

As darkness finally crept in she rose from where she sat in a tiny office. "Randy I've got to go see Negan."

He looked up to her, "Negan? You?"

"That's right." She nodded. "He requested I come up when the sun set."

Randy looked out a window, a look of mild surprise on his face and then he shrugged. "He's the boss."

Alexandra half-smiled and wandered out the door, snatching the ice packs that were finally ready as she went. Her stomach felt like big, metal butterflies were dancing around inside of her.

 _Why am I this nervous?_ she sighed. _Maybe because it's Negan._

She made her way past the guards, who didn't question her being there this time, and wandered down the hall, giving a light knock on his door. When no one answered she knocked again.

"Negan?" she called out. There was no answer. Alexandra felt a wave of adrenaline pass through her as she looked down the empty hall. What was she supposed to do now? She put all thoughts to the side other than the ones she knew to be right in the pit of her stomach and turned the knob on the door, pushing it open.

The living room was dark, but there was a small flood of light coming from the bedroom. She hurried inside, relieving to find Negan sleeping peaceful. His light snores made her smile and she made herself comfortable in the seat beside his bed. As much as she didn't want to disturb him, she knew the ice she brought up wouldn't last forever, and so she pulled the cover back at the foot of the bed and began to lay the bags down along his foot and leg.

Negan stirred from the cold sensation and she was thankful he didn't try to jump up in his hazy state. A lazy smile crept on his face when their eyes locked and Alexandra felt relief when she realized he wasn't mad. "That shit's cold."

She chuckled. "Well... it's ice."

"Getting sassy with me?" Alexandra's face dropped and her face grew hot, but she quickly realized he was joking around when he gave out a laugh. "I'm just fucking with ya." Negan ran a hand through his messy, dark hair and leaned back with a sigh. "You know... you may be the only person who's seen me like this."

"I told you." She repositioned his leg just slightly. "Your secret's safe with me."

"That's my girl." He grinned lazily again and closed his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow.

The way he worded the sentence sent a chill up her back and Alexandra smiled to herself. She wasn't here to be flattered, but that's how she felt when he said that.

"I have one more for your collarbone," she explained.

"Clavicle," Negan corrected and she laughed again.

"Right." Alexandra rounded the bed and gently laid the back down at the top of his chest, making him sigh. "Do you want a towel underneath it so it's not so cold?"

"No." He kept his eyes closed.

"I think it's safe to give you a second dose of the pain medication."

Negan turned his head toward the night stand and Alexandra popped open the container. "Here." She handed him the small, white pill and go him some more water. "Did you read at all?"

He drank the full glass of water and set the glass down. "A little... fell asleep partway into the second chapter of this one." He tapped the cover of a book that laid at his side.

Alexandra stared at him for a moment. "I'm sorry this happened to you."

"Don't be." Negan told her. "Last thing I need is for you or anybody else to baby me." He pointed toward the chair. "Sit."

She did as he asked, sliding it over so she was at the head of the bed this time.

"If I had it my way I'd be out of this fucking bed already." Negan sighed.

"I know." Alexandra nodded. "But you-"

"Have to fucking rest, I know." He rolled his eyes and then turned back to her. "I'm a mean fuck, ain't I?"

She shook her head. "No."

Negan looked back at her. "You know none of my wives have even come to see if I've been alright."

Alexandra tipped the corner of her mouth up in a smile. "Your wives... right."

He shook his head. "I'm getting too old for that shit." His eyes closed again.

"Why... why do you need so many wives?" she quickly recognized how bold her question was and wished she hadn't asked him. Thus far she had done a good job of not pissing him off and she didn't want to end that streak now.

Negan opened his eyes and looked at her. A short stare-down ensued and he finally responded. "I don't even fucking know anymore."

Alexandra decided to change the subject. "I never got the proper chance to thank you for saving me in the woods when you did." She swallowed hard, "I don't know if you remember but-"

"On top of a shed surrounded by walkers and starving?" Negan laughed, "Oh, I remember."

She grinned. "I would have died."

"I know." He continued grinning. "Seems you're returning the fucking favor now."

"I'm not saving your life."

"Close enough. I've never been this fucked up before." He eyed the empty water cup and Alexandra reached to refill it before he could ask. "Thank you." He downed the glass again.

"Stay hydrated," she told him with a nod.

"Yes mother."

Alexandra smirked at his sarcastic comment. She was a good ten years younger than Negan, so the mother comment didn't sting too bad.

"Why'd you come back?" he asked.

"Because you asked me to."

Negan stared at her a moment, taking in her eyes for an extra few seconds again. When he did that Alexandra felt the same butterflies as she had when walking up to his room. She felt like he could somehow read her mind, or her soul. He broke the stare with another smile, letting his dimples out behind the trim beard he kept.

"If you've got other places to be, Alexandra, I won't keep you."

She shook her head. "It's my job. You shouldn't have to be here alone. It's not like you can hit a button and someone comes running like in a hospital."

Negan saw the genuine concern in her expression and didn't at all fight it. "Okay."

They talked for a few more minutes before the pain pills, the exhaustion and the late hour combined to slowly put Negan to sleep. When his breath steadied and his snores picked up again Alexandra sat back and took him in. A part of her was tempted to kiss his forehead but she refrained for obvious reasons. In that one day she realized there was a whole other side to Negan that nobody knew about.


	3. Company

Negan sat frustrated in bed. After just three days he was already sick of being forced to stay put. It wasn't in his nature and he felt like he didn't quite have a grasp on the world around him when he wasn't on two feet. At least if he had a television to watch he could keep himself occupied but even for someone who genuinely enjoyed a good book he was sick of reading.

He looked around the empty room, spotting a pair of glasses on the night stand that didn't belong to him. They were black rimmed and modern, if there was such a thing anymore, and he wondered if it was Alexandra who had left them. She hadn't visited him thus far that day, and he was tempted to radio to Dwight to have her escorted up into his room. The only deterrent was that he didn't have a legit reason to track her down. For the first few days she was waiting on him hand and foot without complaint. Now that some of the initial pain wore off he guessed she was giving him some space.

Negan picked up the handheld radio. "Dwight." His voice was hard and scratchy.

"Yeah I'm here," his voice came immediately.

"Get the medic up here for me."

"You got it."

Negan set the radio down and laid back. He knew he didn't need a reason to request Alexandra but he was trying to come up with some excuse as to why he was calling her up to him. He wasn't at all desperate for female company having five wives and others that would surely do whatever he pleased.

 _Why are you calling her up here?_ he asked himself.

Negan looked around the room, sliding the stack of pillows off the bed with his good foot. Now he had a reason... not that he couldn't have gotten some random person to do it. He looked around the room, glancing at the glasses once more and pictured Alexandra wearing them, smiling to himself. He hadn't seen her in them but no one else had been in his room for days except for her.

When the door opened and closed he smirked to himself and then let it fade when he saw a lanky man of about a six feet enter his bedroom. "Hi Negan." The man smiled and took in a deep, nervous breath. "Randy... you called for a medic?"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice.

He raised his eyebrows. "Dwight came and got me," Randy said meekly. His eyebrows pressed together and his face grew a shade darker.

"Fucking idiot." Negan shook his head.

"I can leave."

"Go get me the girl."

"Alex?"

"Alexandra," he corrected, angry in his tone. "Don't you have other shit you should be doing?"

"No one, um, no one is in need of medical attention right now." He seemed to take in Negan's tattered appearance for the first time, filling him with even more anger.

"Yeah, I fucking bleed like the rest of you," Negan barked.

"I'll, um, go get Alex...andra." Randy turned around and began to hurry out of the room.

"Hey kid!" he shouted.

"Yeah?" He darted back in.

"On your way down to get her send Dwight in here, will ya?"

"Yes sir." Randy put his head down and couldn't get out of the room fast enough. A few seconds later Dwight entered with a smile on his face.

"Scared the shit out of the kid, huh?" he laughed.

"What the fuck?" Negan yelled at him.

Dwight raised his eyebrows, not following the route of his anger. "What happened?"

"You've been sending someone up here for the last half a week right?" Negan asked, "The same fucking person that's been taking care of me during this mess of a fucking time."

He nodded. "I just... when you said medic..."

"Has Randy been up to this room one fucking time?" Negan asked, "Ever?'

"No."

Negan shook his head and leaned back against the pillow.

"Do you want me to call for the woman?"

"I've got it... but thanks!" he said sarcastically. "I already have it covered."

"My fault."

"Fucking right it is. Send her in when she gets up here and keep the door unlocked so I don't have to get up."

Dwight looked at his broken leg.

"Today," Negan demanded, prompting Dwight to nearly jump and leave the room.

He shook his head to himself and waited again, more impatiently this time. When Negan heard the door open and close he felt like he would take Lucille to someone's head if it was anyone but Alexandra. When he saw her slowly walk into his room he could tell she was nervous from the look on her face.

"What happened?" she asked him, seeming to be a lot more comfortable than she was three days before.

"What do you mean?" Negan asked.

"Randy... he said you kicked him out of here."

"He's right."

"Why? What did he do?"

Negan huffed a laugh. "Nothing." He then straightened up again. "I just don't want the whole world seeing me this way."

Alexandra nodded. "Okay. I didn't know you needed someone or I would have already come up."

He took in her posture, her eyes, the slight crease in between her eyebrows. "Are you afraid of me Alexandra?"

The question took her off guard and she suddenly glanced at him, opening her eyes a little wider. "What?"

"You heard me." He looked directly into her eyes and waited, knowing he had the ability to keep her gaze on his.

Alexandra didn't know what the right answer was, but she decided to be truthful. "No," she said quietly. "No, Negan. I'm not scared of you."

He eyed her up and down. "Then what do you look so timid for?"

She glanced down at herself and then back to him. "I don't know," she admitted, "I guess because Randy said you were pissed, and then Dwight yelled at me as I came up."

"He did what?" Negan barked.

"It was nothing." She shook her head. "Believe me."

He felt his blood-pressure raise and then closed his eyes for a moment to calm down.

"It's fine." Alexandra crossed into the room. "Hey, I'll be on call if you want." She laughed to herself and eyed the pair of glasses on the small table. "Oh, I left these."

Negan watched her as she reached for the glasses. "I've never seen you wear them."

"I only do when I read," she admitted. "I've been reading your books at night after you fall asleep."

He stared at her. "When I fall asleep?"

"I've stayed for about an hour each night after you fell asleep just to make sure..." Alexandra eyed the pillows on the ground. "Oh let me get these."

Negan watched as she snatched them up and then carefully placed his leg on top of them again. "Thanks."

"Do you need more ice?"

He shook his head. "No. In the morning maybe."

Alexandra stared at him for a moment. "What, um, what do you need?"

Negan realized he didn't have an answer. Technically he didn't need anything, and so he changed the subject without answering. "Put on the glasses."

She looked at the glasses in her hand and smiled slowly to herself. "My glasses?"

"Yeah, put 'em on."

Alexandra hesitated and looked at him for a moment.

"That's a fucking order." He kept his face serious at first and then smiled, causing her to do the same. Without any more hesitation she put the glasses on an Negan smiled wider. "They look good."

"Yeah?"

"Fuck yeah."

Alexandra looked down shyly and then back to him. "I always thought I looked kind of nerdy in them. Randy seconded that."

"Well Randy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about."

She laughed and pushed them up onto her head, brushing a few strands of brown hair out of her face in the process. "Well I only need them when I'm reading."

"Mmm..." he sighed and they stared at one another.

"Have your wives come in yet?"

"Yeah... briefly." Negan glanced out the window.

Alexandra nodded.

"What's it to you?"

She shrugged. "I'm just making conversation." Alexandra let out a deep breath and met his stare again. This time she was the one keeping him in place. "You never answered my question."

"What's that?" He cleared his throat.

"Did you need something from me?"

Negan stared her down and knew his answer was see-through because Dwight, Randy or anyone else could have done what he was about to give as a reason. "Yeah... the pillows fell off the bed."

Alexandra gave a quick look to his foot and then chuckled. "Well, no one fluffs pillows like I do."

"I know," he told her, "That's why I needed you to help me."

Alexandra felt a wave of anxiousness travel her body. She knew that there was no specific reason for her to be in Negan's room. The way he spoke to her, cuss words included, had begun to stick in her mind long after she left his living quarters. On top of it there was the slightest twinge of jealousy when he acknowledged that his wives had come in to see him. She pushed it away, but acknowledged it was there.

Negan eyed the empty seat next to the bed and it was like a spell had been cast on her. He didn't need to say a word and she was at his side. "You can go whenever you want," he informed her.

Alexandra didn't want to go anywhere, but she would never admit that to him. She wouldn't tell him she _wanted_ to stay, but all the same she didn't leave. "I'm always on duty," she reminded him. "Why don't I go pick you up some food from downstairs? They actually put together a lasagna."

"You eating too?"

She shrugged. "I could."

"Bring two plates up... and send Dwight back in here. I have some shit to say to him."


	4. Morning

For the next few weeks Alexandra was regularly bringing Negan his meals, getting looks for the occasional wife she passed by in the process. No one ever said anything to her, but she felt daggers each time she made eye contact with one of them. It didn't bother her all that much. Negan didn't seem to be affected by it and when she brought it up once briefly he dismissed it as a non-issue.

Their dinners together were full of conversation. Sometimes they played cards just after or sit and talk. One night Alexandra even realized that the two of them were sitting in silence, each with a separate book for well over an hour. It had begun to feel oddly normal to be around Negan so casually. She never anticipated such a situation.

Each day he got stronger, complete with his typical quick wit. She informed him of the progress of his collarbone, which he adamantly kept correcting her with the word 'clavicle'. It had become their own private joke. Again, oddly normal.

It wasn't long before he was back on his feet, moving around the room and able to pick up the dropped pillows on his own. Still, each day he called for Alexandra she made the trip to his room, no questions asked.

Some of her favorite moments, no matter how strange, were the moments just after he fell asleep. She never left his room while he was awake. At first it was for practical reasons, but lately she just liked watching him lay so peacefully.

Alexandra sat with one leg folded over the other and a book her lap that she had barely begun to read. In the short couple of weeks they had spent many hours of the days together, and she was beginning to feel captivated by him. For so long she had been a part of The Sanctuary but had never gotten to know Negan. They hadn't ever had a full conversation before he got hurt, and a part of her was grateful that it happened, as selfish as it seemed in her mind.

She was happy to see his progression, and knew it wouldn't be long before he would be back to full health. After playing physical therapist and helping him get around, she knew she would miss their interaction once he no longer required her services.

Her chest felt heavy at the thought and she rose to walk out of the room, clicking the small lamp off as Negan slept in the darkness. He stirred slightly and called out her name in a half-sleepy voice.

"Alexandra..." He cleared his throat and she went to turn the light back on.

"Yeah?"

Negan looked at her with heavy eyes. "I thought you only left after I fell asleep."

She smiled. "You were asleep."

"Not anymore."

Alexandra considered herself to be a strong woman. Her whole life it had been her internal claim to fame. At that moment she felt like putty in Negan's hands. As tired as she was she didn't want to be anywhere else. The past few nights she had begun to think of him as she drifted off to sleep in her own room. A part of her hated it, but a bigger part of her had begun to embrace it. It scared the hell out of her because Negan wasn't the man she wanted to be falling for - even in the slightest.

"I'll stay," she said quietly with a smile.

He slid his body over in the bed. "Just until I fall asleep."

Alexandra eyed the spot next to him and sat down there, half turned to face him. He draped an arm lazily across her lap and she felt her stomach completely turn in knots. She was tempted to slip her hand through his but she kept herself from doing so.

 _What has gotten into me_? She wondered. _This isn't me. This isn't rational._

Negan kept his eyes shut and urged her toward him. Alexandra followed his lead and laid down beside him, almost afraid to look up at him. If something so simple as his arm around her made her feel whatever it was she just felt then she knew anything else would have the ability to drive her thoughts and emotions through the roof.

"You're the best damn medic around," he mumbled, still dreary in his state.

Alexandra rested her head by his good shoulder and closed her eyes as his arm remained around her. She closed her eyes. "You're almost there," she reminded him.

"Almost." He sighed, and then began to mumble something else before he drifted off to sleep.

For a few minutes Alexandra tried to fight off the heavy feeling in her eyes, but it wasn't long before she joined him in a peaceful slumber. Never in a million years did she think she would ever be falling asleep in Negan's bed.

...

When Alexandra awoke the next morning she almost jumped up. It took her an extra second for her brain to catch up when she realized she wasn't in her room. She looked down at the clothes she still had on from the night before - a pair of hospital scrubs and a tight white t-shirt.

Negan reached for his collarbone and winced from the stiff posture he had been laying in and then looked at her. "Fuck, you really commit to this medic shit, huh?" he smiled at her beside him and Alexandra jumped up.

"I... I'm sorry." She put a hand on her forehead making him laugh.

"Calm the fuck down." Negan continued to chuckle. "I'm kidding with you."

"I didn't... I don't know."

"You're looking at me like we just had a drunk one-night stand." He smirked.

"No one sleeps in your bed." She looked at him.

Negan's eyebrows creased together. She was right, but he was still defensive. "Says who?"

Alexandra caught herself and answered, "Everybody."

"Who's everybody?"

"People... they say... I mean... I don't know." She knew she was stuttering like an idiot but couldn't stop herself. "People say you don't let your wives stay in here."

"I don't," he said simply.

"Oh." Alexandra was confused. "Okay."

"Okay." Negan shrugged, pain plaguing his face just after from the quick movement.

"Well... I should be getting back then, right?" She wasn't wholly sure what to do. She didn't know what time it was.

"Getting back where?"

"My room?" The response came out more like a question.

Negan stared at her a moment. "Okay."

Alexandra sighed and nodded. "Okay..." She searched for a reason in her mind to come back up to his room later. "Hey I think we have a set of crutches downstairs if you'd like me to bring them up."

"No, that's alright." He rose to his feet. "I can get around on it just fine. The _clavicle_..." he over pronounced the word purposely with a grin, "I can't put pressure on it yet."

She nodded. "Of course."

"But... if you don't mind you can bring me a plate of whatever it is they're having for lunch."

Alexandra smiled at him. "Okay."

Negan recognized the smile she was giving him. He'd seen it a hundred times before. The look in her eyes when they spoke. The fact that she spent the night in his room. It all made sense but he didn't want her to fall for him. She wasn't the type he wanted to just add to the list of conquests. She was too good for that. He saw something in Alexandra that he hadn't seen in a woman in a long time, and as much as he tried to deny it he genuinely enjoyed her company. He just didn't want to ruin her, and he knew he had the capability to do so.

Still, he went against those thoughts and gave the command for what he actually wanted. "Then I'll see you around lunch time."

Alexandra nodded and looked over her shoulder toward the door. "What are people going to think when I walk out of here?"

Negan stared at her for a moment. "Honey, the world is dead. Do you really give a shit what people think?"

Alexandra stared back at him, acknowledging that he was right. What would it matter if Dwight saw her leaving Negan's room. "No."

He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-smile. "That's my girl."

She tried not to let his words affect her, leaving without a reaction but as she walked down the hallway she couldn't help but smile like a teenage girl would over a boy.

Alexandra told herself that she wouldn't think about Negan until it was lunch time. The fact that she had to actively challenge herself to do so was enough proof in itself that she was falling fast and hard for him. It wasn't his power, his status or sex that drove her to him. It was conversation, his wit and the natural charm that radiated out of him.

Five wives, she reminded herself, five!

Alexandra shook her head, vowing to keep her relationship with him professional and plutonic.

She didn't realize the pout that lingered on her face until Dwight pointed it out as she passed by where he stood.

"What's the matter sweetie? Mad he didn't kiss you goodbye?" He taunted.

"What?" She snapped back.

"Negan doesn't kiss his wives... in case you're in training to be one."

"I'm not in training for anything," Alexandra shot back. "I'm helping him with his injuries."

"If you say so..."

She shook her head and hurried past him. As much as she wanted to tell Negan of Dwight's behavior toward her she decided she wouldn't bring it up when she went back up to him. The last thing she wanted to do was put a wedge between him and his men.

She hurried away, rushing back to her own room before closing the door behind her. Dwight's words burned in her ears.

Alexandra acknowledged her growing attachment to Negan but she wasn't about to be in his assembly line of wives.

"Fuck!" She said aloud to herself. Part of her wished she hadn't been spending so much time with him because there was no good ending for where her feelings were leading her. The other part of her recognized what she had been missing out on by not being a part of his life before he had gotten hurt. She enjoyed the Negan she knew behind closed doors.

Alexandra tried to think rationally. She hurried into the shower so she could get herself together and get down to the medical station before lunch time rolled around.

"Where have you been?" Randy asked as she burst through the doors.

"I was helping Negan." She breathed the words out loud. "I've only got two hours and then I have to go."

"Back to Negan?"

"I'm bringing him lunch."

"That's your job now?" The sass and accusation in his voice irritated her.

"He can't walk down to get it himself."

Randy's eyes drifted out the window and he pointed. "But he can go on a supply run?"

"What?" Alexandra spun around and almost bolted out the door when she saw Negan rounding up a group into a big black truck.

Out in the open she wasn't sure of her place. Could she just go nag him about staying off his broken leg in front of the others?

Alexandra opened the door, watching him attempt to be his normal self and then walked cautiously in his direction.

"Negan!" She shouted and he turned, looking toward the ground with a grin.

"Grab two others before we head out." He turned to the Saviors piling into the car. "I don't give a shit who, just get me two more reliable men."

"Yes sir!" One of the guys darted off, eagerly looking to please him.

"My favorite medic." Negan grinned.

"Forgive me in advance but you looked like shit when I left your room an hour ago."

He laughed out loud and she could see the slight twinge of pain in his eyes when he cocked his back too fast. "Honest woman. I like it."

"You could get killed out there in this condition. You can't run. You can't even swing the bat."

"Lucille," he corrected her with a grin. "And in case you didn't notice, I don't run from anybody."

"Please don't go."

He smiled wider. "Why not?"

"I just said why." She felt herself become slightly whiny and hated herself for it.

"Look, uh, if this is about our lunch date being cancelled I'll make it up to you at dinner. I'm going to need some ice for this when I get back." He pointed down toward his foot and then smiled, knowing the next thing he said would drive her slightly nuts. "Hurts like hell honey."

Alexandra couldn't keep a scowl from her face and folded her arms across her chest.

"Should be back by nine," Negan told her as he saw the rest of his men hurrying toward the waiting vehicle. "Fix me a plate... and bring some ice."

Alexandra stepped back and almost felt like crying when he winked. She would go to his room that night, but she would have to tell him that she couldn't just be another woman on his long list of them. All the same, she prayed he would make it home unharmed, particularly in his condition.

"Let's go!" Negan shouted, slowly hoisting himself up into the truck. He gave Alexandra a quick glance before the group of them exited the confines of The Sanctuary.


	5. Questions and Answers

Alexandra couldn't keep her mind on her work. She was taking inventory on pill bottles and what was available in the medic station. Every fifteen minutes she would glance out the window, waiting for Negan's truck to pass back through the gates. When darkness crept in and they hadn't returned she began to feel anxious.

He said around nine, she reminded herself noting it wasn't even eight o'clock yet.

Alexandra moved back to the counter and we hand accidentally waved a handful of open containers to the floor, sending a collection of pills scattering to the floor like a bag of Skittles.

Randy walked by and glanced at the ground. "Jeez Alex."

"I'm sorry. I screwed up." She bent down and began trying to decipher what was what.

"We aren't going to be able to even use these now. Who knows what belongs where." He began to help gathering the pills. "Lately, you've been..." He didn't finish the sentence.

Alexandra stopped what she was doing. "I've been what?"

"I don't know... different... not here."

"I've been helping-"

"Negan," he finished, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah... Negan... the _boss_ of this place." Alexandra over emphasized the word and waved her hand as she spoke. "If you have a problem with me helping him then bring it to his attention."

Randy sighed. "I'm sorry... it's just... I don't know. What's really going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he's off on a supply run now probably bashing people's heads in." He shook his head. "Why do you need to be up there with him all the time?"

"He's still not 100%," Alexandra claimed. "He's just trying to man up and tough it out."

Randy waited for more elaboration and seemed a little annoyed when she didn't say anything further. "Gotcha." He scooped up a handful of pills and tossed them into the trash.

"We're on the same team," she reminded him, and then looked up as the front door to the place swung open.

"You the ice pack woman?" A burly man with a beard asked.

"Yes?" She was fairly sure she was.

"Negan needs whatever you got," he said gruffly and then closed the door.

Alexandra hopped to her feet and hurried to the small freezer to get all the available bags she had prepared.

"Anything you want to say before I go Randy?" She snapped. "I can tell him you'd rather have me down here."

Randy flashed her a scowl and she hurried out of the office, swinging by the dining hall to get Negan a plate of food.

The same anxiousness hit her as she walked down the hall to his room. Rather than wait around and draw it out she banged on his door.

"Come in," he shouted.

Alexandra opened the door, balancing everything in her arms as she kicked it closed behind her.

Negan stood in a pair of shorts, rubbing a white towel over the top of wet hair. Alexandra stared at his bare chest for a moment. The professional in here eyed the swelling and deep bruising on his collarbone. The love struck woman in here admired his physique.

"Swelling's up," he stated and then patted his hand on the desk beside him. "Set that stuff down and hand me an ice pack."

Alexandra crossed the room feeling her heart rate pick up. She put down the plate of food first and saw him smirk as she did.

"How'd you manage to get dressed before you went? And... undressed." She couldn't bring herself not to stare and Negan chuckled. "I mean, you know, your shirt... your jacket?"

"I told you," he responded. "I'm a mean son of a bitch."

Alexandra smiled and handed him an ice pack.

"Let's eat first." Negan pulled out a chair, which she initially thought was for himself but when he motioned with his eyes for her to sit she was surprised. He rounded the desk and sat across from her, dragging the plate toward him. "Where's yours?"

"Oh I... I didn't..." Alexandra hadn't thought of getting herself food in the rush. She hadn't even been overly hungry. There was too much on her mind. "I'm not hungry."

He looked at her for a moment, sticking the fork into a couple pieces of pasta and then leaned forward, extending his arm.

Alexandra hesitated and then wrapped her hand over his a moment as she took the bite. Negan stared at her as she did and then pulled a hand back to help himself.

"Thank you," she told him, watching him devour half the plate before he spun it around so the fork faced her.

"Have it," he rose from where he sat, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"No," Alexandra insisted, shaking her head.

"I'm fine. I stole two protein bars from Dwight on the ride in." Negan continued to waltz away and she stared at the plate, feeling hunger creep into her stomach just by looking at the small plate of food left over.

"Alexandra." He stopped and looked over his shoulder. "Eat some fucking dinner."

She raised her eyebrows and began to help herself as he wandered into the bedroom. When he returned the food was gone and he gave a hearty laugh.

"Not hungry my ass."

She glanced down at his foot. "You need to get off of it." Alexandra began to shake her head. "Why'd you go? I can see how bad it's hurting you."

Negan sighed and sat back down across from her. "Well... there were supposedly some rumors going on out there that I was dead. I hadn't shown my face at the Hilltop or the other places for awhile. I can't have people thinking I'm not around to run shit anymore. That's how you get attacked."

"That makes sense then." She understood, but still knew he had a short time before he would be fully recovered. "Did you make your rounds to everywhere today?"

He nodded. "They all know not to fuck with us now. I'll stop back in again in five or six days."

Alexandra nodded. "Good." She glanced down at the ice bags on the desk that were beginning to sit in tiny pools of water. She then glanced up at his bare chest again and saw that he was staring back at her. "You should probably..." Alexandra picked up one of the bags and rounded the desk, carefully placing it on his collarbone.

Negan's eyes closed from the cold sensation and he put his hand over hers for a moment before reopening them to look at her. "Thank you," he replied, voice raspy and slightly tired.

His hand was warm and the way he clutched hers it felt like he wasn't about to let go. At that moment she wanted to go against everything she knew was right an ravage him. She was beginning to fantasize about what it would be like to kiss him, make out with him. The way it played out in her mind was almost savage. Alexandra tried to shake the thoughts away, but she couldn't and without realizing what she was saying she blurted out, "How come you don't kiss them?"

Negan broke eye contact for the first time since she placed the bag on him and he loosened his grip on her hand. "What?"

"Dwight said you don't kiss any of your wives." Alexandra wished she could shut up but the question had been lingering in the back of her mind since he'd said it.

"People do a shit ton of talking about me out there, huh? Jesus. I feel like I'm in fucking high school." He shook his head and all of sudden Alexandra hated herself for ruining the moment between them.

 _What moment?_ she suddenly asked herself. _There wasn't a moment. Was there?_

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's none of my business."

Negan was nothing if not honest and so he grabbed the ice bag, leaned back and looked her in the eyes. "I haven't kissed anyone since Lucille. She was my wife before this all fucking started. It didn't take me long to realize that the apocalypse has no place for love or any other shit like that."

"But you-" She stopped herself and his face screamed anticipated as he waited for her to go on. "You... you're intimate with them, right?" Alexandra hated herself for using a word she knew Negan probably hated.

He laughed out loud, finding whole-hearted amusement in her wording. "In case you haven't noticed I haven't seen any of them in quite a while... and when I do it's quick, it's done and I send 'em on their merry fucking way." Negan stood up and walked toward a glass cabinet. "I need a fucking drink." He removed a bottle of whiskey and looked over his shoulder. "You want some?"

Alexandra shook her head. "No... thank you." She wanted to ask why he kept her around. Why he allowed her to sleep next to him without even having sex. Why he had dinner with her. Why he offered her half of his dinner. Why he looked her in the eyes with such intensity that it made her body weak and her mind race. "So it's kind of to protect yourself then... from feeling again?"

Negan looked at her a moment and took a long swig from the glass. "Grab the ice. I need to get my leg elevated." He limped a bit as he went into the bedroom and Alexandra followed him. She knew he didn't want to be bothered with talks of love, and why he refused to let anyone emotionally in. A part of her got it - it was kill or be killed in their world and any moment of 'weakness', no matter how small, could quite literally end your life. Negan was a man with a lot on his plate and had a massive reputation to live up to. It was his method of survival.

He reached for the pillows that were placed in the chair where Alexandra typically sat. "Negan... I'm sorry for asking."

"She died of cancer," he went on. "Before all this shit happened... just barely before." Negan placed the alcohol down and motioned with his eyes for her to sit next to him for a moment.

Alexandra placed the ice on the nightstand by his drink and then took a seat beside him. "I'm sorry. I get it now. I understand."

He turned to look at her and if it had been anyone else she would have sworn he was about to kiss her. Their faces were only inches apart. His eyes were dark and focused on her. He leaned slightly in her direction. Alexandra had been on enough dates and had had a few boyfriends before the zombies took over. She knew the signs. She just wasn't sure what Negan was about to do. He was unpredictable, and had just rattled off reasons why he refused to kiss anyone, coupling the act in his mind with affection. He wanted nothing to do with being affectionate and had been adamant about it. It was probably the last word anyone would ever use to describe him.

Alexandra felt a lump develop in her throat. The want and need for him that burned inside of her had begun to win the battle. In some twisted way she told herself that maybe giving in and experiencing him physically would ultimately cure her of her desire for him; the whole concept of wanting what you can't have. Maybe that was the reason she began to undo the buttons on her shirt and felt a rush when he didn't look away.

 _What am I doing?_ Alexandra let her hand drift to his inner thigh and Negan let his eyes slowly close as he took in a deep breath through his nose. He let his hand drift over hers, digging his fingers hard into the side of her hand and began to urge her toward his waistline. _This is really going to happen_ , she thought.

She closed her eyes when his hand left hers and he brought it to her face, keeping his eyes closed as he let the side of his face brush against hers before gently beginning to trail down her neck with his lips and teeth.

Alexandra was fully prepared to allow him to do whatever he wanted next, but felt a wave of disappointment when he stopped and pulled back.

"Negan..." she began, but he stood up and took a deep breath before finally looking at her.

"This isn't..." he shook his head. "I can't."

She rose to her feet, feeling her face grow hot. "Yeah... no... I know. I'm sorry." Alexandra went with what she knew and reached for the ice. "Just... lay back. I'll get your foot all set and be out of your way."

Negan didn't want that. He stood almost frozen for a moment and stared at her almost painfully before doing what she asked, watching intently as she propped his foot up and applied the ice. He cleared his throat and finally spoke. "Thank you."

"You're, uh, you're welcome." Alexandra couldn't look at him without feeling a combination of embarrassed, confused and emotional. "I'll be back tomorrow if you'd like."

"Yeah." He nodded. "I'll send Dwight for you." Negan didn't want her to go, but he allowed her to leave and slammed a fist into the pillow beside him before leaning back hard enough to shoot a pain through his injured collarbone. He put a hand over his eyes and then ran it through his hair. "What the fuck is the matter with you, you pussy?" he asked himself out loud.

Negan had never held back if someone he found attractive quite literally threw herself at him. He enjoyed Alexandra's company. She was attractive. He could see she would have done anything for him. He shook his head, glancing down at his injured leg and immediately visualized her adjusting the ice, smiling at him and sitting by his side until he fell asleep. "What the fuck has gotten into me?"


	6. Lies

For the first time since the apocalypse had begun, Negan found himself dealing with emotional turmoil. He paced the room, reminded of Alexandra each time pain shot up through his leg. He acknowledged the actual feelings he was developing for her and knew he had to stop them - he had to push her away so he could focus on everything else he needed to do. The decision in his mind came just after he acted out of character and allowed Dwight the chance to have his girl back. She had become one of Negan's wives, and the morning after he almost got physical with Alexandra he acted without thinking much and told her to go back with him. The reason he gave to Dwight was that he had earned his place at The Sanctuary. Negan knew it was a lie.

He decided the only way to get past his feelings for Alexandra was to break her heart - force her to leave him. A part him of felt he didn't have it in him to do it alone, and so he called for her to come to his room.

Negan got himself dressed and sat behind his desk. The lights were dim, and his entire body felt heavy. He hated what he was about to do, and was hoping he would change his mind.

 _I can fit her into my life_ , he though, and then shook his head. _I'll ruin her. She's too good. She shouldn't be with a man like me._

Negan knew Alexandra was a strong woman. He had even been taken off-guard when she was actually about to give herself to him. On the same note, he was happy she did, but conflicted all the same. Deep down he knew she couldn't just be one of the others. Alexandra was the type that, if the world hadn't died, he would take out to a fancy dinner and formally make his girlfriend, or wife. She wasn't a girl he would just fuck and kick to the curb. That was why he needed to do what he was about to.

When the knock came at his door he almost didn't answer. Negan couldn't speak for a moment, and only called her in when she knocked a second time.

Alexandra looked flustered, and cautious - like she had a million things to say but didn't know where to start. He was sure she would apologize for the night before, despite not having anything to be sorry for.

"Hi." She said simply.

Negan couldn't bring himself to smile like he typically did when she entered. "Hey." His voice was low and raspy. "Come in."

Alexandra felt a heaviness in her chest. Something didn't feel right. The vibe was different from normal. "You asked me why I didn't want you to go on the supply run just before you got in the truck."

He looked back at her, feeling his throat tighten but he didn't respond at first. When she didn't continue right away he crossed the room to be next to her. "There's something I need to say." When Alexandra's eyes grew bigger and she looked at him with an all-consuming stare he almost couldn't bring himself to say it. "This... whatever's happening... I can't do it anymore. We can't..." He took in a deep breath, feeling his hands begin to shake.

Her heart felt like it stopped beating. "What's wrong?" Alexandra looked him up and down, ending with his eyes.

Negan didn't mean to say the next sentence out of his mouth, but ended with a second sentence that was far more accurate. "It's not you, Alexandra, it's... it's me. I'm..." he swallowed hard. "I'm fucked up."

She wanted to comfort him, seeing how visibly distraught he was. She didn't even know it was possible for Negan to feel on that level. He looked tormented, and turned away from her to put distance between them.

He kept his back to her. "I've enjoyed our time together but this is the last time I'll ask for your services." Negan felt like he was shooting himself in the foot, barely able to get the lie out of his mouth.

Alexandra felt like a hammer had hit her in the chest. He turned back around to face her. She knew he felt what she was feeling. "Why are you doing this?"

"You don't mean anything to me," he went on, trying to appear nonchalant in his movements but he couldn't. His hands were still shaking, his throat was tight. He was barely able to get the words out.

She shook her head. "Negan... you can fool a lot of people but I don't buy it. I know you don't mean that."

He waved his good arm out to the side. "You know nothing. You don't even fucking know me that well." Negan turned away from her again and shook his head, running a hand through his hair again. "You would be just another... conquest to me. Don't you fucking get that?"

Alexandra felt tears begin to weld up in her eyes and as badly as she tried to fight it they began to slide down her face. "I don't believe you." She wiped her eyes and shook her head, refusing to look away from his eyes despite how badly he kept trying to look away.

"I don't know how to make this any more fucking clear," he said a little louder; a little harsher. "You... you would mean nothing to me. You mean nothing to me."

Alexandra kept her voice steady despite the tears that continued to roll down her face. She stared him down. "You're such a coward." She shook her head again and continued to wipe the tears that poured down her face. "Look at you, you're shaking." She sniffed in, seeing the corners of his eyes begin to grow damp. "You're crying, Negan."

He tried to straighten his posture and Alexandra continued to cry as she saw a tear leave the corner of his eye that he didn't bother to wipe away.

"Is this what you called me up here for?" she wanted to shout but she kept her voice even. "You wanted to tell me how I mean nothing to you?"

Negan looked down, speaking quietly as he felt more tears escape his eyes. "I'm... I'm sorry... I'm fucked up... I'm, I'm fucked-"

"Yeah you're completely fucked up!" Alexandra said a little louder. She continued to watch as he eyed the floor, not speaking or moving. She hated herself for the weakness that poured from her own eyes.

Negan suddenly looked up and slowly made his way across the room, his eyes betraying everything he had just said. He gently reached out, taking her hands in his and Alexandra pushed away. His mouth opened like he was about to say something, but he just stared back at her with red-rimmed eyes and damp eyelashes.

"Don't touch me!" she cried, pushing his hands away a second time when he tried to hold them in his own again. "Don't touch me!" she began to cry heavier when tears fell down his face and he refused to let her go. "Don't fucking touch me Negan!" she managed to get a hand free and slapped him across the face.

He dropped her hands and they both stood staring at one another, breathing heavy. Alexandra hated and loved him in that moment, but she stood her ground and took in the pained expression on his face. "I'll go..." she told him. "Whatever this was..." Alexandra shook her head, feeling another round of tears welding up in her eyes. Before either of them could say another word she turned and left, slamming the door behind her.

Negan stood like stone, his hands still extended outward and he took in his cold surroundings. Alexandra was gone. He had ruined whatever it was that was beginning to brew between them and he told himself it was for the best.

Still, he couldn't bring himself to move from the spot where he stood and for the first time he hated himself. Her words echoed in his ears.

"You're a coward," she had said. The word stung him, and in this particular case he knew she was right. He reimagined their conversation before he left on the supply run the day before and said he didn't run from anybody. Negan recognized that he was a liar. He had just run from Alexandra. She was right, he was a coward.

 _It'll get you back on track to doing your fucking job!_ he told himself.

Negan shook his head and ran a hand over his eyes, clearing his face of any sign that he'd been crying. In all of his life Negan had cried twice before that day - both coming at the time Lucille had been hospital-ridden with cancer. He swallowed hard and finally moved, feeling the pain in his foot. Without actively having to think about her, Alexandra popped into his head. With each painful step it was like she was there; a constant reminder of the things he had just fucked up for both of them.

"That's what I do," he said to himself, trying to cope with his decision. "I fuck shit up."


	7. Separation Anxiety

**Thanks so much for the reviews thus far! Trying to keep Negan in character while creating my own plot line... :)**

Negan had gradually been making more regular appearances around The Sanctuary as his foot began to heal. The collarbone was something that nagged him far greater but he pushed his limits and kept active. The moments he had alone in his room, however, were tormenting, and he kept telling himself that the feeling would subside.

He had called in one of his wives to try to distract him, contemplating have sex but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He tried keeping a conversation but there was nothing there; no chemistry.

 _Chemistry?_ he thought, _What the fuck am I talking about?_

Meeting Alexandra had changed him. He wasn't himself, and he was starting to think that maybe he would never fully get back to being where he was; that the pain would just be a part of him, something else he'd have to just deal with.

After a full day on his feet, traveling outside the walls from place to place and having to fight off small herds of walkers, he knew he needed something to aid with his injuries. Every bone in his body told him to just call for Alexandra, but he didn't. He felt like he had to stick by his decision and so he decided to radio in and have Randy sent up with some ice for him.

Negan felt a pain in his chest when he wondered what Alexandra's reaction would be when she realized he had called Randy up to help him rather than her - not that she would be expecting him to after the way he let her down.

He laid in bed waiting for ice, and when he heard the door open and close he prayed that somehow Alexandra had taken Randy's place and come up to him - even if that meant she was about to cuss him out for being such a dick. When the lanky young man entered the room he couldn't keep the disappointment from his face.

"You did call for me right?" Randy said fearfully. "I mean, I can go get Alex if you want."

"No," he said, "I called for you... even if I do think she's a better medic." He had to throw it in there to assure Alexandra still held some power down in the medical unit.

Randy didn't argue. "Yes sir."

"Grow a pair, will ya?" Negan shook his head. "I'm not going to bite your face off. Put that shit on my leg and get the fuck out."

He did as he asked, beginning to set the bags down on his leg.

"Ain't you going to prop my leg up a bit?" he went on. "Elevate that shit?"

"Oh... right!" Randy looked around nervously and Negan pointed toward the chair where Alexandra sat feeling the same pain in his chest.

"Use the pillows," Negan barked.

The young doctor grabbed them and carefully set up his leg, making sure the ice was alright and then looked to him for approval.

"The fuck are you still doing here?" he asked, "You want some fucking praise then meet the standards of that woman down there."

"Yes sir." His voice was timid and without another word he made his way out of the room in a hurry.

Negan laid in silence again. Had he not been such an asshole he could be sitting there with Alexandra right now. Even since trying to rid her from his life she was still there - in his mind anyway. The distractions remained present, and so he questioned how eliminating her from his life made any difference. The only way that would be possible would be to turn back time - and that was impossible.

"Fuck..." he whispered to himself. Negan was concerned for her well-being. His thoughts were racing. He didn't care about anybody.

 _Except for Alexandra._ He almost hated her for getting into his head so deep and making her care about him. She broke him ways that he didn't know were possible any longer.

Negan had to fix the situation, but he didn't know how. He imagined in his mind what his life would be like if after a long day Alexandra would be at the door to greet him with a plate of food and a smile.

"And what would have been so fucking bad about that?" he asked himself, finding it a bit crazy that he kept talking to himself out loud.

Negan took in a deep breath. His first plan hadn't worked - trying to get rid of Alexandra, and so he decided to do something different. He slid out of bed, wanting to kick the ice packs across the room but he refrained and went to his desk to sit. He shuffled through the drawers until he found a piece of paper and pen. Immediately he began to write.

...

Alexandra's days had been long and lonely. She had had a difficult time getting back to normal life after Negan had suddenly shut her out. There were still a million things she wanted to ask him; to say to him. But she simultaneously didn't want to give him the time of day for hurting her so badly. Even though she knew he was lying she didn't care. He had quite literally shattered her heart and hadn't looked back.

It had been almost a week since she had spent that last, fateful morning with him in his room. From time to time she saw him out and about, yelling at some of his men, leaving for supply runs, grabbing a plate at the dining hall...

Alexandra had done her best to duck out of view or keep away from him but she knew that wouldn't last forever. Eventually they would cross paths and what would happen then?

 _I wasn't even with him for Christ's sake_ , she thought, _we didn't have anything..._

She knew that was a lie. There was _something_ there that had left her world upside down and had caused Negan, of all people, to tremble and cry in front of her. She had meant something to him, despite his claims.

"Hey..." Randy opened the door and stepped outside of the medical area where she stood gazing outward.

"Hey." She didn't turn around.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

Alexandra needed to vent, but she decided to limit that. "No..." She sighed, "But that's all I'm going to say."

Randy put a hand on her shoulder and she turned to look at him. "Look... I know I was kind of an ass to you a week or two ago... I was giving you a hard time." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. If you want to talk, you got me. Okay?"

Alexandra took a deep breath and nodded, able to give a small smile. She hadn't been able to speak of any of her feelings to anybody, and so it was a little relieving to know she had an outlet if she wanted it. "Thanks Randy." She nodded to him and he stood there for a moment.

"You got it." He gave her shoulder a squeeze and then headed back inside, leaving Alexandra alone. She scanned the grounds and saw Negan from a distance, making her heart stop for a second, but she turned away when she saw him gazing in her direction. Secretly she hoped he had just seen Randy's arm around her, and in the same breath she turned away and went back inside.

Alexandra walked toward the window and looked out, seeing him begin to bark orders at someone, no longer paying attention to the medical building. She watched him for a moment and was a little pleased when he stared back to where she had just been before moving on. The slight hitch in his step made her heart flutter for a moment, as she envisioned her nights sitting beside him while he slept, and the way he made comments that made her want to smack him and kiss him at the same time.

 _Stop it_ , she told herself.

"Hey Alex," Randy's voice came, snapping her out of the dayream.

"Yeah?" she turned around this time.

"Would you mind doing inventory on the gauze and band-aids? We just got a bunch more stuff."

"Sure." She nodded, and glanced out the window one last time. When Negan was gone she decided to push him out of her mind and focus on her first love - her work.


	8. A Letter

Alexandra walked slowly back to her room after long hours at the medical station. She had done a better job that day of pushing Negan from her mind but the lonely walk back provided enough time for the recent memories of their time together to creep back in. She suddenly wished she had a close friend, preferably another woman, that she could talk to to at least get her feelings out. Saying them out loud, she figured, would be a good form of therapy and could possibly help her to move on.

She opened the door to her bedroom and flipped on the lights, taking in the quiet surroundings. Things were as she left them aside from a cardboard box on her bed.

Alexandra crossed the room and opened the box, finding first a white envelope with her name on it. Underneath was a leather-bound book that she removed from the box. No one called her by her full name except for Negan, and so when she saw ALEXANDRA written across the white envelope in big, block letters she knew it was from him. For a moment she was scared to open it. Negan's words to her the week before were crushing, and she knew he still held the power to break her.

 _I could die tomorrow_ , she told herself and then ripped open the envelope to reveal a letter. The paper was folded neatly into thirds, and when she unfolded it she read it silently to herself.

 _Alexandra,_

 _I haven't been myself this past week since the day I hurt you. I was wrong. I'm a liar. The truth is that you do mean something to me, and I thought it would hold me back so I selfishly turned you away in the harshest of ways. It scared the hell out of me. The truth is that being around you is the only time since this all started that I've been happy. You were my break from it all - this word, the fucking mess we're all in. I've prided myself on others' misery and it's the only way I've been able to survive. Well, it finally backfired. I want you to know the real me, the things I've done and things I will continue to do to survive in the only way I know how. Enclosed in this box is one of my most prized possessions - a written log of things I've done (right or wrong) since the dead have claimed this world. It's not pretty, and to be honest the reason I started documenting my life is for selfish reasons. If they rewrite the history books one day I want people to know who Negan was. For so long I've considered it a trophy of mine. If you really want to know the truth then please read it. No more lies. If you can find it in yourself to come see me, come to my room tonight at midnight after you get off of your shift. It's not a command, but a request. I would never force you to come, but I have something to give you if you'll have it. I've been a fucking wreck without you._

 _Negan_

Alexandra stood in shock, feeling all the emotions she had pushed way down come rushing back to the surface and she began to cry before opening the journal he had left her. She glanced at her watch, noting it was nine o'clock. She had three hours to decide what she wanted to do, though her heart was already pushing her in one direction.

She sat down, starting from the beginning of Negan's journey that led him to where he is now. Each page was written in perfect block letters, all written in black ink. There were tributes to his wife Lucille that started things off. She could see that he truly loved her, despite his own claims of infidelity after the two of them began having problems in their marriage. There were themes of "kill or be killed" and "survival of the fittest" justifying the actions he took to build what is now The Sanctuary. Alexandra knew he had killed people with his infamous barbed-wire wrapped bat, but in the apocalypse she knew it was nearly impossible not to have committed horrible acts in order to stay alive.

Her eyes continued to race across the pages, taking in each line that he'd written. Negan hadn't been kidding when he said there were gruesome things he had done and recorded. Alexandra read about Dwight and the iron Negan took to his face. All of it was there, black and white, and by the time she had finished reading everything the time on her watch read 11:30.

She sat by herself in the room and despite all of it she began to picture the man she knew; the man who had saved her and who had come through on all of his promises that she blindly followed at first. Alexandra had food, she had shelter, she had work to do and walls that kept out the walkers that had almost ended her life. She knew he had crossed some people, sometimes in the worst of ways, but he provided her with everything she needed to maintain the most normal life achievable in such horrible conditions. Above it all she thought back to their weeks together where they were almost inseparable. It came as a shock to both of them that they would enjoy each other's company so easily, without trying.

Alexandra closed her eyes and put the book back in the box. She reread his letter, her heart beating out of her chest all over again when she read it, particularly the last line. She rose to her feet, changed out of her work clothes and tried to look as presentable as possible before taking a deep breath, grabbing the box with Negan's journal and heading out the door.


	9. You Need To Know

Alexandra's legs felt heavy. Her chest was tight. The walk across The Sanctuary to Negan's seemed to take forever. She held the box under one arm and felt a damp sweat begin to decorate the area where her forehead met her hairline.

As badly as she wanted to run up the several flights of stairs that led to his floor she refrained, taking each step as cautiously as the next as she thought about the moments that were about to follow. The truth was that Alexandra had no idea what she was even going to say or do. There was one thing she felt for certain, and that was the second she saw Negan all of the feelings that had begun to creep in again as she read his letter would surely spin out of control.

The guards barely acknowledged her as she walked past them, and Alexandra realized that he must have told them she was coming - not that they weren't aware that she had frequented his living quarters quite often aside from the last week. From the end of the hallway should see his door, and knew that once she took that last walk that there would be no turning back.

She glanced down at her watch, noting it was seven minutes past midnight. A part of her thought that Negan was so adamant about things that he could possibly turn her away for being late.

Alexandra counted her strides, attempting to keep her mind occupied in the last few minutes of sanity - that's what she could even call it. When she reached his room she stood there for a moment staring at the large wooden door. Nothing but a piece of wood a couple inches thick separated the two of them.

 _Here we go_ , she thought and then lifted her hand to the door, giving a loud knock. Alexandra took a deep breath and almost knocked a second time but the door slowly opened. Any rationale she had left had abandoned her in the moment she saw Negan face to face.

His voice was deep; scratchy. He spoke slowly. "I, uh... I thought you weren't going to show." Negan's eyes burned into hers.

"I wanted to read all of it." Alexandra took a deep breath, not wanting to look away from him, but she reached into the box and pulled out the journal of events he'd kept. "I'm sorry I'm late." She took a deep breath and looked back at him. She wished she had it in her to call him out on everything; to yell at him for saying the things he did... but she couldn't. Everyone else saw Negan, the all-powerful leader or tyrant, depending on who's point of view it was coming from, who controlled everything. Alexandra saw the breakable side of him, no matter how small that part was. She saw his human side. Despite all of it she knew in this day and age there was no time for grudges.

"I'm, uh..." he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry." Negan stepped to the side, still resting his forearm on the door. "Come inside?"

Alexandra crossed in to his room. "I read the letter." She looked at him as they stood together in the dim lighting. The setting wasn't all the different than the last time she was there. "What does it all mean Negan?"

He looked her in the eye as they stood a few feet apart from one another. "I'm not a good man, Alexandra. I'm an asshole for even calling you up here tonight."

"Why?" She shook her head.

"Because getting involved with me is probably the worst thing for a genuine, smart woman like you." Negan put up a hand when she was about to protest. "If I had any decency in me, I would have left it the way I did a week ago, as shitty and dishonest as I was." He swallowed hard. "But I don't _want_ to stay away from, Alexandra. I want to be around you all the time."

"You... you're not as bad as you're claiming, Negan." Alexandra shook her head. "I've seen a lot of good people, people I knew from before all of this, do unthinkable things to survive."

"I've killed people."

"I know." She shook her head. "And I don't care." They held eye contact with one another, almost challenging the other to be the one to break the stare.

Negan took one step in her direction. "I don't think you know what you're getting yourself into."

"I know you," she said quietly. "What you do outside of these walls to keep yourself safe is your business."

"It would become yours."

"If what?" Alexandra asked. She didn't want to say it. "If I become one of your wives?"

"That's the least of your worries." He shook his head. "And what if I said I haven't spent time with any of 'em since I started spending time with you? Would you believe me?"

She stared at him. "You said no more lies."

"And I'm a man of my word," Negan told her. He sighed and looked down. "I don't fucking want them. I want you."

Alexandra reached her hand out, taking his gently in hers and began running her thumb along his palm. "I want you too, Negan." She knew her eyes were beginning to tear up and she bit down on her tongue to keep the tears from falling.

Negan reached for the box, taking his journal back and then crossed the room to set it on a shelf amidst a row of other books. He then walked back to where Alexandra stood. "I'm not going to stop what I do," he warned.

"I know."

"Killing people... when I need to," he reminded her, continuing to reinforce the darkest parts of him.

Alexandra looked him in the eye and when he reached up and dried a tear from her cheek she melted against him, placing her hand over his.

"You have to know who I am," he said quietly again. "This part of me you see in here... that's not that half of it with me. It's part of it, but there's a ton of fucking shit you don't know about."

"I do," she told him, "I read it in your journal."

"Journal?" Negan gave a quick chuckle, not seeming to like the word choice. His face quickly became serious again and he stared down at the vulnerable woman beside him. He took a few steps back and then looked at her, seeming to want a formal confirmation that she understood what she was getting herself into.

"Why are you trying to stop me?" she asked, "I want you. I care about you." _I love you_ , she wanted to say.

"You deserve fucking better. If you were smart-"

"I don't want better... and I'm not smart." Alexandra's voice grew louder; more heated, and she closed the gap between them again. Before she could go into a rant Negan strode up, meeting her halfway and grabbed her face hard, leaving a long, needy kiss on her lips.

She felt her body relax and tense at the same time, kissing him back hard and exploring the feeling of his tongue in her mouth. Alexandra wished that the moment wouldn't end, and it wasn't until she could barely breath that she finally parted from him. She knew she was about to ruin the moment with her question, "I thought you didn't-"

"Shut up." He kissed her again, harder this time, pressing his body up against hers.

Alexandra almost couldn't handle the passion that was brewing between them as his hands began exploring her body. It had been so long since she had been intimate with anybody that all of it felt brand new and exciting.

Negan tried to remove his shirt, beginning to fling it off in typical fashion but he groaned in pain when he moved to fast for his collarbone to handle.

Alexandra pulled back and placed a hand over the area. "Are you okay?" she breathed, barely able to maintain a conscious thought.

He took a breath and stripped it off despite the pain and then pulled her back to him hard with his good arm. She didn't ask anymore questions, allowing him to tow her into the bedroom where they continued to kiss for a moment until he had her pinned beneath him wearing next to nothing on the bed. Things had happened so fast that she had a difficult time retracing the steps as to when her clothes actually came off. Alexandra couldn't bring herself to care, and explored his body with her hands as he aggressively did the same.

Negan looked irresistible to her in the dim lighting with the low lights and shadows highlighting his muscular upper body. Alexandra wasn't overly self-conscious but she hoped it was just as flattering on her own body. The thought was just a fleeting one, as she didn't have time to focus on her insecurities. Negan swiftly upped their intimacy to the next level and Alexandra held onto him tightly, kissing him hard in the moment and giving in to everything that had been building between them for the last month. She felt him do the same as he never let up or looked back until they both laid entwined in the darkness between the sheets of his bed.

Alexandra laid breathing heavy with her eyes closed and felt relieved when he pulled her up against his chest. She wrapped her arm over his midsection, feeling his chest, glistening with sweat, rise and fall unevenly until he finally calmed down. Again, the only rational thought that crossed her mind was that she was laying on his injured side. "I'm laying on your broken collarbone." She went to move but he urged her back down.

"Clavicle," he corrected in a lazy, scratchy voice. She smiled to herself as she thought back to where they started and how far they had come together. "I'm alright," he assured her.

Alexandra sighed against him and latched on tighter with her arm.

"Alexandra..." he took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "If you want out of this you're going to have to be the one to fucking do it... because that just confirmed that I'm not capable."

"I don't want out Negan." She looked up at him and let her fingers dance across his bare chest as he traced invisible lines down her back. When he didn't look away she reached up and gently touched her lips to his, making his eyes close in the midst of the sensual embrace. Alexandra smiled. "Thanks for letting me kiss you," she whispered.

Negan tried to fight a smile but he couldn't keep one from forming on his face. "Don't let word get out about that shit."

"Your secret's safe with me."


	10. Make Love Not War

Things had begun to get heavy at The Sanctuary. There were talks about threats against The Sanctuary but Negan wasn't overly concerned. He went about his business as always making his collections from the surrounding groups having to use little force.

He wandered the grounds, stopping by the medical building once to give a casual hello to Alexandra before almost immediately being pulled away from one of The Saviors.

"Negan! Negan!" the young man ran toward where he stood a step out of the medical door, breathing heavy. "They killed them!"

Alexandra stood by, listening as Negan began speaking with the fluttered man whom she didn't recognize.

"Who's killin' who?" Negan asked calmly.

"There's a group, they're working with the Hilltop I think." He took a deep breath and put his hands on his knees.

"Put your fucking big boy pants on and spit it out," Negan demanded, "For fuck's sake."

"His name was Rick. They have people. They killed everyone that was stationed over at the old broadcasting building."

Negan stared at him for a moment, and then simply replied. "Everyone, huh?"

The young man nodded. "Yeah... everyone."

"Well fuck... that's a hell of an attack if its true."

"It's true."

"Rick you said, right?"

He nodded rapidly and then Negan dismissed him.

"What's going to happen now?" Alexandra asked him.

Negan lifted the bat to his shoulder and looked at her. "Now... people are going to have to fucking pay." He looked at her for an extra second, "Get your gloves on and get ready to work in case there are any live ones to fucking patch up." He walked away from her and disappeared through a set of doors in a building across the way.

Alexandra closed her eyes and wandered back inside. She had a bad feeling but didn't dare say that to Negan. She didn't know what he dealt with outside and so she kept her mouth shut.

"What's going on?" Randy asked.

"A bunch of men were killed at one of the posts they're stationed at," she informed him. "Negan wants us to be ready in case anyone happens to be alive."

" _Our_ people were killed?" Shock was written all over his face.

"Yeah... a lot of them." She looked around the room. "Let's get the stretchers ready just in case."

..

Negan wandered the halls where the slaughter on his people had ensued and he felt an anger brewing inside of him when he found no one alive. He never felt a fear, but decided he had to get to know the people who had done the type of damage that had taken place.

"Rick..." he said to himself quietly, glancing at one of his men that almost appeared to be sleeping. The wound in his forehead proved otherwise. "Fucking shit..." He put his hands on his hips and then walked out of the room.

"These are the same people who killed our men out on the street," Dwight suspected. "Blew the up with something."

"Well now you're going to have to take a group of fucking men out there and teach them a fucking lesson." He felt spit leave his mouth as he spoke and finally stormed out of the mass grave. "These people don't know what they've fucking started."

He hurried back to the truck, calling the others with him who were investigating the crimes against their people.

"They have numbers," one of his men stated.

"We have the fucking numbers," Negan explained. "And we will return this favor in the worst of fucking ways." He looked to Dwight, who sat in the driver's seat next to him. "Start the car. We find these people tomorrow and a few of 'em... capture 'em if you can."

"Which one?" Dwight asked.

"I really don't give a fuck. I just want to see who the fuck we're dealing with."

Dwight put the car in drive and headed back to The Sanctuary as it grew darker.

"Sunrise," Negan barked as he left the car. "We're out on the streets."

"You got it," Dwight agreed with a nod, and the others nodded.

Alexandra knew it wasn't a good day for anyone, particularly Negan and so she grabbed him some extra food and went up to his room before he made his way up.

He entered the room, tempted to slam the door as he went in out of frustration but he knew he would tomorrow would be another day. He would get his revenge on the group that was responsible for killing a good thirty of his men and make a big statement.

"I should fucking go there tonight," he said to himself, huffing as he unzipped his leather jacket.

"Where?" Alexandra asked him, sitting behind the desk.

"Where do you think?" Negan put his hands out to the sides. "Fuck... the balls on these people." His demeanor changed for a moment and a smile crossed his face. "I wonder if any of them would be interested in working for me."

"Here?"

"No, at the fucking restaurant I own downtown... yes here."

"Would you trust them?" she asked.

"It's not always about trust," Negan explained. "If they fear the consequences of rebellion enough then they'll work out just fucking fine here." He looked at her a moment, "And that's why I'm going to scare the living piss out of 'em... all of 'em."

Alexandra looked at him with curious, but not fearful eyes. "What are you going to do?"

He smirked. "Exactly what I just said."

She eyed the plate of food. "Are you hungry?"

Negan nodded and slumped down in the chair before digging in to the plate of food. "The second plate is for you, right?"

"Unless you want it."

"Well... fucking eat Alexandra." He began to speak with a mouthful of food. "Jesus, aren't you comfortable around me yet?"

She pushed her chair forward and leaned over the plate of food before beginning to eat with him.

"You really don't mind this shit huh?" Negan asked her.

"Mind what shit?"

He snickered and reached for a can of soda to the right, snapping the top open and taking a long swig. "All of my shit. I ain't gonna be pleasant to be around until all this shit's resolved."

"For better or worse," she teased, and took a bite from a collection of mixed vegetables on her plate.

"Fuck, don't start that shit." He began to laugh and she smiled at him, shaking her head. Negan smiled wide back, finishing off the food he had and downing the rest of the soda.

"Is this going to get bad?" Alexandra asked, "What if they attack us tonight here?"

"They aren't going to attack us here," Negan assured her without a hitch. "They don't know who or what they're dealing with."

"You're sure?"

"I'm fucking positive." He looked at her and stood up, crossing behind her to knead the muscles in her neck and shoulders for a few seconds with his fingers before continuing to walk across the room. "Leave the hard shit to me and don't worry. Alright?"

Alexandra nodded. "Okay."

"Now come help me take my mind off this shit and join me in the shower. It's been a long fucking day."

She felt a smile creep on her face and some of the worry drifted away. If Negan said not to worry then she wouldn't worry. When she rose from her chair and turned to him he was grinning and leaned an arm on the frame of the open door that led into the bathroom.

"Hurry up," he went on with a smile, "Before I change my mind and get the urge to fucking bash someone's head in tonight instead."

Alexandra smiled and pulled her shirt up over her head, tossing it to the floor. "Make love, not war, right? Is that what you're saying?"

Negan pulled her against him and kissed her hard. "Whatever the fuck you say honey."


	11. Preparation

Dwight came bursting back into The Sanctuary covered in blood with half the men they had left with. He didn't want to explain to Negan what happened but there was no getting around it.

"Where is he?" Dwight barked as he ran through the main courtyard.

"Who?" Someone asked.

"Who the fuck do you think?" He bellowed. "Negan!"

When the knock came at Negan's door he separated himself from Alexandra, who laid next to him, pressing and ice pack to his chest.

Negan threw a robe on and headed to the door when he heard Dwight's voice. "This better be fucking good." He flung the door open to see Dwight in shambles.

"We have to counter attack," Dwight told him.

Negan stepped angrily into the hallway, not caring at that point who saw his attire. "This was our fucking counter attack Dwight."

"We killed one of theirs."

Negan put his hands on his hips. "And how many of ours did they get?"

"We got ambushed on the railroad tracks."

Negan stepped forward and lowered his voice. "How many?"

"I don't know." Dwight trembled from both pain and fear.

Negan looked him up and down with a disgusted look on his face. "I'm going to have to fucking set this shot straight on my own." He glared at Dwight. "You're going to lure them out of their hiding places... and then we're going to block any and ways of them getting back to the place they call home."

"How?"

"Round up as many men as you can and meet me in the courtyard in thirty minutes."

Dwight nodded and headed away while Negan slunk back into his room to get dressed.

"Dwight needs to be patched the fuck up," he informed Alexandra, tossing the robe to the side before reaching for a pair of pants and then tossing his black jacket on over a Tshirt.

Alexandra threw on the scrubs she had worn all day during her regular shift and then hurried out the door a step ahead of Negan.

They parted ways at the bottom of the stairs, him heading to meet with his men and her to await Dwight in the medical building.

Negan met Dwight on the march to their meeting place and ordered him to go get his injuries tended to.

"We are going to end this shit just as fucking fast as they started it," Negan shouted when the large mob of men stood before him. "Tomorrow we are going to break into groups. You'll all be assigned a station and you're going to block off every fucking road that leads out of here."

There were nods all around and people looked at one another.

"We will be fully armed," Negan went on. "We will not let up. And we are going to corner these motherfuckers until we have them at our mercy. I want them alive so I can see just who the fuck we're dealing with here. Is that understood."

The mob agreed, chanting and yelling out loud in approval.

"I'll meet back with you at dawn to give you your assignments," Negan informed them. "They've killed a lot of our people... so I'm done fucking around with this shit. Dawn... everyone."

...

Negan sat up mapping out assignments and placing large groups of people in accordance with a map of the area. He had a giant X where he knew Rick's group was stationed and made sure he would have his men in between their road and The Hilltop.

Randomly he called group leaders in, letting them know of where they would go and who they would be taking with them. With each of these group leaders he discussed the area where he would like to see Rick's group trapped so he could talk with them.

Dwight was the last to arrive, escorted by Alexandra and patched up to the best of her ability. The two of them sat together for a long time plotting out his assignment.

"Don't fuck this up," Negan warned him. "Take care of the people you're with."

Dwight nodded and left the room with his portion of the plan spelled out for him.

Alexandra hopped in the shower, came out in more comfortable clothes and found Negan still going over the plan on the map.

"Someone is going to pay tomorrow," he said gruffly without looking up. Negan studied the map for any outlets he may have missed until his eyes began to water. He looked up to Alexandra. "What the hell was wrong with him?"

"Dwight?"

"Yeah." He folded his arms over his chest impatiently.

"It was his, um..." She looked and Negan let his eyebrows rise and fall.

"Jesus..." He put up a hand. "That's all I'm going to fucking ask."

"Come to bed. You're going to be out all day tomorrow and up at four o'clock if you're meeting them outside when the sun rises."

"I'm not going to be able to fucking sleep." He looked up at her for a moment. "Go lay down. I'll be in when I'm done obsessing over this shit."

Alexandra walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight."

Negan pulled her into his lap for a moment and then kissed her several times in a row.

"Be safe tomorrow," Alexandra told him.

"Don't have to wish that for me," Negan said confidently, "Just for the people that've crossed me." She put a hand on the side of his face, "But better be ready down in the medical station just in case."

Alexandra dropped her eyes for a moment and then kissed him once a little harder.

"Go to bed." Negan tucked her hair behind her ear and then she stood up from his lap. "I'm going to be out here a few more fucking hours so don't try to wait up."

"Okay." Alexandra kept a hand on his back for a moment. "Wake me if you need me."

Negan nodded and watched her go for a minute before spinning back around to focus on the plan he had designed.

It's got to be fucking perfect, he thought. Tomorrow's in for some heavy shit. 


	12. Judgment Day

Negan had two handheld radios on his belt and got himself ready for the day's events after sending his men out to their positions for the plan he'd conducted. A truck waited for him outside filled with another collection of Saviors that would be accompanying him to the general area where he planned to corner Rick and his group.

"So, this is it huh?" Alexandra asked him, standing in the center of the room.

"Just another day at the office," he joked without laughing. He reached for Lucille and then stood in front Alexandra. "I don't think you'll have much to do today. I have all of our best out there. There's no way Rick has as many men as us. He's not going to expect this shit."

She nodded, feeling the pit of her stomach grow heavy with emotion. "Please be careful."

Negan smiled and then laughed lightly before throwing an arm around her. "Don't look so fucking worried."

"I know I shouldn't but-"

"I'll be back here by the end of the night in a great fucking mood after we set this mess straight... you'll fuckin' benefit from it, trust me."

Alexandra let a slow smile spread across her face but it faded when Negan parted from her and headed toward the door. "See you tonight." He headed out the door without another word leaving her standing alone in his room. Alexandra knew that he had been doing dangerous missions like the one at hand since the beginning of it all, but now that she was so emotionally invested in him it hurt to watch him go.

She looked around the room and a fleeting thought of Negan getting hurt or worse crossed through her mind. A wave of panic rushed through her chest, leaving a hot sensation in her throat and she suddenly asked herself what she would do if Negan didn't return.

An image of herself crying in a ball on his bed made her stomach turn. Alexandra didn't want to envision a life without him now. She prayed for his safety, not thinking of anyone else, and while she knew it was selfish to put everyone else on the backburner she didn't care.

A part of her wished that she never fell in love. Growing up she wondered what it would feel like - to really love someone. Once or twice a guy she was dating had given her a hint of those butterflies in her stomach but the feeling didn't last. She never stayed up thinking of them, or worried about their well-being. Alexandra couldn't get Negan out of her head and found herself longing for his company. On normal days she had no issue keeping work down at the medical building a priority, but when he was outside of the walls of The Sanctuary she could never fully focus.

 _Please make it back_ , she begged. _Please make sure he's okay._

...

Negan found himself standing before a row of people on their knees and stared at the man in the middle. "Hi. You're Rick right?" he asked with a smile, "I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men." He paused. "Also, when I sent more people to kill your people for killing my people... you killed more of people." He could see the fear and helplessness in Rick's eyes as he went on, ending with a far more serious, "You are so going to regret crossing me in a few minutes." A smile then formed on his face as he continued to march back and forth in front of them.

Negan couldn't believe a man like Rick, who he had to admit put on a valiant effort in his pursuit of The Saviors, looked so frail and weak as he kneeled before him.

He continued to march, waving Lucille in their faces and spewing out warnings to the men and women who had attacked his people unprovoked.

A part of him wanted to level Rick just to send a message to the rest of them, but he felt Rick could be useful. Still, one of them had to go if his tactics were going to work, and he stared around at the group after finishing a long rant.

"I simply cannot decide." He laughed, fully in control of those in the lineup in front of them. His eyes scanned each one of them quickly.

Negan thought for a moment and then a lightbulb went off in his head. He put his arms out to the sides. "I've got an idea."

Rick stared back at with damp eyes and his head almost facing the ground. Negan approached and put the bat in his face.

"Eeeny..." He stepped to the woman to Rick's right, "Meeny..." A broad, red-headed man, "Miny..." And then the woman with dreadlocks that his group had captured, "Mo."

Negan carried out the rest of the children's rhyme, walking aimlessly back and forth as he pointed Lucille at each one of them individually. "Catch a tiger by his toe." He wasn't even sure who he was going to choose. "If he hollers let him go."

He stared into the faces of each person, taking in their expressions - the glares from some, tears from others...

"My mother told me to pick the very best one... and you... are... it."

Negan wasn't about to hold back. "Anybody moves, anybody says anything cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father and then we'll start." He half grinned. "You can breath... you can blink... you can cry... Hell, you're all going to be doing that." He lifted the bat over his head and connected with the unlucky winner's head. "Look at that... takin' it like champ."

Negan didn't pay attention, barely comprehending the screams and cries behind him as he laid out the fatal blows.


	13. Aftermath

When Negan and his men returned Alexandra felt a wave of relief rush into her body. She could tell from a distance that he was happy, sporting a hefty smile and speaking loudly. Whatever had happened, their latest run had been a success and she was beginning to think that there really was nothing to worry about - particularly when it came to Negan. He seemed like an unstoppable force.

Men piled out of trucks carrying things of all kinds - food, water, medical supplies, clothing, you name it. Not that it wasn't typical from week to week, but it did mean that things went smoothly after a rough week or two of losing men and women on their side.

Dwight used a wheelbarrow to cart over pills, Band-Aids, new needles, rubbing alcohol, and a plethora of other supplies to stock up their shelves. "Special delivery." He left the cart outside the door with a knock and Alexandra came outside with Randy at her heels. "Return the wheelbarrow to the shed when you're done." He turned and began to walk away, hurrying to catch back up with the others.

"Wow." Alexandra raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, wow is right. This is awesome." Randy helped her get the items inside and they found a place for everything on shelves and in cabinets. "We actually have morphine," he gushed. "This could've helped your guy there a month ago."

Alexandra turned to him, flashing a look before resuming what she was doing.

Randy laughed, "Am I not allowed to call him that?"

"Negan?"

"No..." He raised his eyebrows in light banter. "So... are you a 'wife' now? You don't mind sharing him with all them other women?" Randy made a face and even Alexandra couldn't help but laugh.

"Not that my personal life is any of your business..." she began. "But he hasn't seen them since we've..." Alexandra wasn't quite sure where to end the sentence.

"Since you've hooked up?" He winked, and then added, "So he says."

"I believe him."

Randy shrugged and made a face, prompting her to press the issue.

"What?" Alexandra asked.

"Nothing."

"You've already started... so... just say it."

"Do you think he'd just stop banging all those chicks?"

"I... I think so... I don't know." She added, "I sleep in there."

"In his room?" Randy raised his eyebrows again.

Alexandra lowered her voice despite them being the only two in the building. "Yes..."

"Well, well..." he teased again, "Little Red Riding Hood swooped up the Big Bad Wolf."

She laughed again and looked over her shoulder. "Enough..."

"This is Dwight to medical." The radio on the counter went off and Randy motioned to it with his hand.

"That's all you," he said.

Alexandra picked it up. "Go ahead Dwight."

"Upstairs... Negan wants you right now."

The tone of his voice made her shudder. It almost sounded angry and urgent. "O-Okay."

"Lover's quarrel?" Randy asked with a laugh. Alexandra reached for a small towel beside them and snapped him with it. She then hurried out of the building nearly running up the several flights of stairs to Negan's room.

She knocked once and he opened the door quickly before grabbing her by the arm and pulling her inside before she could even get the word, "Hi," out. Alexandra was about to ask him what was going on but he kicked the door shut, pinned her against it and kissed her in a hard, animalistic fashion that immediately made every ounce of her feel hot.

Alexandra matched his intensity. She wrapped her arms around him briefly before he grabbed her arms and pushed them against the door above her head. Negan continued to kiss her hard, never opening his eyes as he secured both of her wrists together with one hand while pulling at the strings of her pants with the other.

When he finally pulled his mouth away from hers Alexandra sighed his name aloud. "Negan."

He pulled her body back against his, allowing her hands to become free as he rushed to undo the buckle on his belt.

Alexandra decided to follow his lead, ridding herself of the exterior lair of her clothing before he grabbed her face to kiss her hard again just after ripping off his leather jacket.

She heard the buckle of his belt hit the floor with a clanking thud and then he picked her up by the back of her thighs to carry her into the bedroom.

Alexandra wrapped her arms around his neck and locked her ankles together around his waist as he savagely kissed her before throwing her down flat on her back in the center of the bed.

She couldn't get in a clear thought during his relentless pursuit of her that left her breathless and aching for more of everything he gave her.

Negan didn't approach Alexandra in in his typical fashion. His adrenaline was too high from the series of events leading up to his homecoming that he simply acted without thinking, and did so with a raw intensity that left both of them breathing heavy with their heads spinning when it was over.

Alexandra had enjoyed having sex with Negan thus far but she had never been involved in anything so hot or intense in her life. When he didn't move off of her right away she landed breaths against his neck before finally sighing out the only word that came to mind. "Wow."

Negan complemented her reaction with a muffled, "Fuck," against her neck.

Alexandra ran a hand up and down his back for a minute or so until he finally moved off of her and threw a sheet over the two of them. She took a deep breath and glanced over at Negan as he started to laugh to himself with a hand on his chest.

"What?" She asked him with a grin.

Negan continued to crack himself up like there was a private joke going on in his head. "Oh, it feels so fucking good to be on top."

Alexandra smiled, "I could agree." She could sense his words had another meaning, however.

Negan laughed to himself again and then turned to her, pulling her on top of him. "Who the fuck has it better than this?" His laughter was almost maddening; crazy. "In the fucking apocalypse."

Alexandra laughed because of his hysterical state. Negan kept revealing these hidden layers of himself to her. "Why is it that your arrogance is so charming?"

He chuckled, letting himself finally come down from the high of it all and then breathed heavily. "Despite how good this is... I still encourage you to get out of this with me."

"That's hardly a fair statement after the way you just seduced me." She shook her head, "And are you ever going to stop saying that?"

Negan still smiled wide and shook his head. "No." He toyed with her hair.

"Well I'm not leaving."

He chuckled again. "Then you're in for a long fucking night."


	14. Carl

Negan stood with his hands on the frame of the open window in his room. He glanced outward and snickered to himself before shaking his head. "I can't believe this shit."

"What?" Alexandra asked him.

"Dwight's fucking alive." He shook his head again and laughed quietly to himself before slamming the window down.

"Was he not supposed to be?" She gave him a puzzled look and Negan glanced back at her.

"He got captured by Rick's people..." Negan smiled to himself. "But it seems they let him go." He paced into the living room and drew his hand over the handle of Lucille. "I guess they got the fucking point."

Alexandra nodded. "That's a good thing."

"Understatement of the fucking year." He turned to her. "You don't have to work, ya know?"

She pressed her eyebrows together. "What do you mean?"

"You're with me now..."

"Would you object if I say I want to work?" Alexandra half-smiled. "I wasn't lying when I told you originally that I was the best doctor you have."

"Whatever makes you fucking happy doll." He touched the bottom of her chin with his thumb and index finger. "I'm going to go talk to him... see what the fuck happened."

Alexandra nodded. "Okay. I'm probably going to head down to the medical building."

"Do what you want..." He went to leave and then turned back to her. "Oh, and if you hear me talking a little shit... don't take it personally."

"What do you mean?" she asked, "Why would I take it personally... talking shit to who?"

"Well which question should I fuckin' answer first?" Negan smiled wide. "Jesus." Alexandra shrugged, and so he went on. "Talking shit to Dwight..."

Alexandra wasn't wholly sure what he was referring to and so she shrugged and agreed with a simple, "Okay," before throwing her hair into a ponytail and pulling on her work clothes.

Negan wandered out of the room and down the hall well ahead of her and greeted Dwight in the courtyard. "Surprised to see you alive," he commented with a chuckle.

Dwight couldn't keep a glare from his face at the lack of sympathy for his situation. He knew Negan wasn't about to go out looking for him to protect his well-being. "Yeah... I'm fucking alive." He couldn't keep a snarky edge from penetrating his voice.

"Don't worry," Negan told him, "I've been keeping your old lady company since you've been gone. She's been begging me to fuck her so I finally gave in." He laughed to himself and hurried past Dwight to check out the supplies his other men had brought in from Alexandria.

A wave of gunshots filled the air and everyone in the immediate area was suddenly on edge. "He's over there!" one man shouted, "Fuck! He shot Steve!"

"Two down!" Another man screamed and then the chaos stopped.

Negan stood still, taking everything in and ready to slaughter someone if necessary. "This better not be one of Rick's fucking people," he said to himself.

Dwight hurried back to Negan's side, despite their minor altercation and they stared ahead in the distance.

"He wants to talk to Negan!" a man's voice shouted.

"Fucking Christ." He glanced to the side as Alexandra appeared. She seemed to have a million more questions to ask but she didn't and Negan marched up toward the gates in a heated fury. When he arrived seeing his men on their knees and Rick's son Carl standing there with a rifle he felt a wave of shock.

"I wasn't expecting this shit," he said aloud, "This kid fuckin' scares the shit of out me." Without a hitch the rifle sounded off again, almost making Negan jump back. Several more of his men, the ones on their knees, fell to the ground dead from single bullet wounds before the large gun finally got the best of the teenager and he fell back from the force of the recoil.

Dwight charged, kicking him in the stomach and retrieving the weapon. "You little shit! I'm going to fucking kill you!" He raised the gun, but Negan put a hand on the barrel and pushed him back.

"We're not going to kill this kid Dwight," he told him firmly, and then stared at where Carl lay glaring at him on the ground. There was no fear in the boy's remaining good eye as he stared Negan down as if he was anybody else. He smiled to himself, slightly intrigued by the boy's psychotic courage. "Is that any way to treat our new guest?" He reached a hand down and helped the boy to his feet. "Come on kid... I'll show ya around the place. Dwight, you and the guys over here that aren't fucking dead burn the ones that are. I don't need any of these fuckers turning and causing a fucking problem."

Negan re-entered the complex with Carl at his side and looked around as everyone in the area was staring in their direction.

"What are you going to do to me?" Carl asked. His voice never shook, but Negan could tell he wanted an answer.

"Listen kid, can you at least pretend to be a little fuckin' scared of me? I have a reputation to keep here... shit." He saw Alexandra watching the two of them walk and he flashed her a wink. The look on her face screamed fear and concern. He knew half of it was for him, and the other half for the boy.

"What are you going to do?" Carl asked again.

"I don't want to ruin the fuckin' surprise, kid," Negan went on, "Where's the fun in that?"

They pressed on toward another building in the complex prompting a group of working men to kneel as Negan and Carl walked by. "That's what you call fucking respect," Negan said quietly to his new acquaintance. The two of them entered the building together and Carl took in all of the surroundings.

"Hi Negan." A woman gushed with a smile. He grinned back when she told him she loved him and then looked to Carl, who appeared a bit intrigued himself. They proceeded to pass by a handful of other woman all greeting him with smiles and eager to seek out his attention.

"Who are they?" Carl asked, still glaring up at him.

"My wives," he explained, and then proceeded to lead him up toward his living quarters.

Carl took in everything around him - the luxurious furniture, the bottles of whiskey, the almost too typical living arrangements for their time. It was even better than Alexandria.

"Did you see Dwight's face?" Negan asked him, offering the kid a seat across from him at the desk. Both of them sat.

"Yes."

"That's my own man." He smiled and crossed one leg over the other. "And that's what I fucking did to him when he fucked one of my wives."

"What do you mean... like sex stuff?"

"I'm not getting into that shit with you kid... point is, you killed five or six of my men out there just now." Negan grinned. "And I have to think of how to make you pay for it. Shit..." he chuckled, "Dwight didn't commit half the sins that you did and look what I did to him. I burned his face with a fucking iron so he would never forget what crossing me feels like."

Carl glared back at him, trying to show his strength still.

"Take off the eye patch. What the hell happened to you?"

"No."

"I'm not going to ask you again," Negan demanded harder.

Carl continued to glare and then revealed his injury, making Negan's eyebrows raise as he grinned.

"Shit... that's a hell of a fucking injury. Go take a look in the mirror over there. I can see your fucking eye socket."

Carl finally broke down and put a hand over his face and began to cry.

"Jesus, kid... stop that shit." He held a guilty expression, viewing the boy as a warrior rather than the teenager he actually was.

"Can I put the bandage back on?" Carl asked, embarrassed by his own tears and weakness.

Negan looked at him for a moment and then laughed. "Nah... and that's going to be the start of your punishment." He was pleased to break Carl down, even if just a little bit, because he knew the boy had it in him to kill and be strong. There was a real part of Negan that held a glimmer of fear and respect for his warrior attitude. He finally radioed down to his men to take Carl into a holding cell for the time being while he thought about what to do with him.

"Don't fuckin' harm a hair on this kid's head," he warned when a Savior came up to his room.

"Yes sir." Negan handed Carl over and then sat in his room for a while before making his rounds to see what his men had managed to gather from Alexandria. He soon found that Carl had snuck into the car they'd used to load supplies and that was how he made his way to The Sanctuary. His final stop of the day was the medical building where he rounded up Alexandra and the two of them headed back to his room.

"Where's the boy?" It was her first question when she found the room exactly as they'd left it.

Negan pulled off his jacket and shook his head with a smile. "You are full of fucking questions today, aren't you?"

"Did you hurt him?"

Negan stared her down. "He killed six people out there."

"Did you hurt him?" she repeated, eyes begging him to say no.

He shook his head. "In-fucking-believable." Negan laughed to himself again. "You know they always said in those mafia movies that women are usually the downfall to the boss." He grinned a little wider at her. "I'm starting to realize that Hollywood had that little fucking fact right."

Alexandra continued to stare at him. She ignored everything he had just said. "Did you kill him Negan?"

"No, I didn't fucking kill him." He sat down the chair at his desk. "Fuck..."

"Where is he?"

"He's in a fucking hold cell until I figure out what to do with him."

"Bring him back," Alexandra urged "I know what he did-"

"I burned Dwight's fucking face for fucking one my..." He stopped and stared at her a moment, and then cleared his throat so he wouldn't have to finish the sentence.

"Oh, I understand your concerns from earlier now," she shot back.

"What concerns?"

"The shit talking to Dwight..." Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, Randy and Dwight were talking and Randy just loves to try to make me doubt you."

"Do you think I need this shit right now?"

"You can fuck whoever you want," Alexandra went on, "Sherry... whoever."

Negan cocked his head back and laughed. "First off, thanks for the fucking permission... second of all, I told you I've only been fucking you... and a lot at that. Even my dick needs a fucking rest sometimes."

She took a deep breath and tried to put her jealousy on the backburner because she knew it was something that would push Negan away anyway. She acknowledged the greater issue here. "You should return him to their community. He's a boy."

"He's a warrior."

"Who's all of sixteen... at the most."

Negan rose to his feet and poured himself a shot of whiskey, downing it before taking a deep breath. He stared back at her for a moment and took in a deep breath. "I don't have any intention of killing the kid." He cleared his throat again. "I never fucking did... I just... I don't know what I'm going to do yet."

Alexandra crossed the room and was pleased when he allowed her to put a hand on his chest. "Negan... I never get in your business... and if he was a grown man I would never even consider it."

"But you want me to bring the little shit back to Alexandria."

She nodded. "Yes."

Negan shook his head, partially thinking he was going to regret the decision. He poured himself another shot and then gave her a hard stare-down. "I'll fucking think about it."


	15. Why

The night following Carl's capture was strenuous. Negan was further agitated about more of his men being killed and caught in a bind about what to do with the young man that killed them all. Rick's group was his biggest challenge thus far since the new world had begun. They had experience, they had equipment and loyalty. Above it all they had the balls to push forward and keep going. That shined through in their youngest member's actions.

Alexandra had felt the situation was a lose-lose. She knew Negan had rules and reputation to uphold. A part of her felt that her request to let Carl go back to his family was unfair. He _had_ killed another handful of their people, and on their turf no less. On the other hand she knew the boy was only protecting his father and the others. She was sure he was scarred for life from the actions he'd witnessed. From the looks of him she could see that he most likely spent a majority of his childhood living in chaos. If Alexandra could justify Negan's actions, she could certainly justify Carl's.

The air that night was hot, and the mood was tense. The combination provided for little sleep. Alexandra had heard Negan get out of bed several times, but now he lay sleeping peacefully. For whatever reason she liked watching him sleep. Even for someone as tough and brutal as Negan the world had to get the best of him at times. Sleep was the only escape from it all.

Alexandra slowly pulled the covers off of her and strolled toward the chair in the corner of the room where she used to sit for hours on end when first getting to know Negan. She slid it quietly toward the window and placed her elbows on the frame to take in the world outside. Aside from the random guards securing the perimeter and scattered lights there was nothing. The often hectic courtyard was quiet and the bugs chirped, speaking to each other in their own language from all directions. Even the moon was bright and full, adding to the tranquil nature of the post-midnight hour.

For a time Alexandra let herself daydream. She pretended her and Negan lived in their own, little farmhouse somewhere private where the next neighbor was a mile down the road. She imagined that there were no walkers, or biters or whatever it was that people called them; that the world was the world again and their only concerns were paying the mortgage on time, going to work and even on a deeper note, assuring that their children were safe and doing well in school.

Before the world had turned darker, Alexandra wondered what Negan had been like. She was sure he was a rough-around-the-edges, no-bullshit type of man. But she also knew that he was the type to defend his family and put them first. From what he told her of Lucille, and all that she read from his entries, she could see that his wife was his world before the world died. She assumed her untimely death contributed to his lack of empathy at times, and his ability to cut ties with his emotions. Still, she never pushed the issue with him or forced him to talk about it.

 _I would love to share a like with Negan in the real world_ , she thought. Alexandra closed her eyes for a moment and thought about what Dwight and Randy had been telling her. She knew was bitter about his ex-girlfriend, or current girlfriend or wife or whoever she was. She also knew Randy loved to get under her skin in a brotherly type of way that drove her insane. Still, she was starting to feel a sadness creep in at the thought of Negan being with other women. It had always been there, but she began to think that she was the only one now. _And I very well could be_ , she acknowledged, _but I might not be_.

Alexandra knew of the harem and was well aware that it existed. She couldn't help but wonder why if he wasn't occasionally making his rounds down to mess around with the collection of other women ready to throw themselves at him. The thought made her previous fantasies of sharing a life with him begin to fade, and the jealous burn in her chest returned.

"Alexandra." Negan's voice almost made her jump and she glanced over at him in the darkness.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" he perched himself up on his forearms and looked at her, squinting to see.

"I'm just... I couldn't sleep."

Negan ran a hand through his hair and laid back down flat on his back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She managed a smile and rose from where she sat to join him back in bed. When she laid down she closed her eyes as his arm fell across her.

"Say it," he encouraged her.

"Say what?" Alexandra looked over at him.

"Whatever's on your mind that has you sitting over by the window at one-thirty in the morning."

She turned to him and saw that he was staring at her through sleepy eyes waiting to hear what she had to say. "Am I that see-through?"

"Yeah." Negan turned his body to face her.

"I'm not going to get mad or try to nag you," Alexandra began, "But can you answer a question honestly for me?"

He closed his eyes slowly and reopened them. "Go ahead."

"Have you slept with anyone else since we've been together?" she swallowed hard. "I just want to know."

Negan sighed and drew a hand across his eyebrows before looking back at her. "When I told you that I didn't want to see you anymore." He looked down and then back up, "During that week I called in some company and I tried."

"You tried?"

"Yeah... I tried." Negan shook his head. "Started to have her, ya know..." He pointed down toward his waist and then shook his head again. "I ended up just kicking her out, and being a dick about it, no pun intended. Made it sound like she was a terrible lover and that she couldn't satisfy me. Had the fucking woman in tears more or less."

The thought stung Alexandra a bit, but the fact that he kicked the woman out felt like a victory in her own mind. "So that was it?" she asked.

Negan nodded.

"So, why have the harem then?"

He took a deep breath and laid down flat on his back. "Because it was always convenient for me. It's a fucking status symbol. I mean you ask any man and they're a liar if they say they wouldn't like the idea of a group of women ready to throw themselves at you at the snap of your fucking fingers. Just knowing I have that feeds my ego." He turned to her, "Another reason why I keep telling you to get out of this with me. You'd be better off." He went on before she could interrupt. "I haven't fucked any of them, but not everyone knows that shit. The only ones that do are the women, and they probably think I'm fucking with the others anyway from the way that I talk to each of them."

"So you're not screwing them, but you want them all to think that you are?" Alexandra shook her head. Only in a warped, roundabout what did it all make sense to her.

"Yeah... now anyway."

"But before?"

Negan's patience was beginning to thin but he answered her question. "Before I fucking fell for you I fucked them all quite a bit, yeah... why do you want to hear that shit?"

"Truth hurts sometimes, but I'd rather know it than not." Alexandra shrugged. She looked back at him. "Fell for me?"

He remained laying on his back but looked over to her. "Do you know what could happen if anyone fucking knew that shit?" Negan shook his head almost in disgust for his feelings. "No one can know that. Might sound like a cop out to you, but having the other girls around protects both of us. Don't think for a second that someone with a hidden agenda in The Sanctuary, or someone from Rick's group or The Hilltop wouldn't go after you in order to get to me. They would... because I would. Love is an Achilles heel in this world. So, like I said, when you hear me talking shit and even flirting or being touchy-feely with the wives out in public, don't take that shit to heart. If it bothers you, you don't have to stay with me. Because shit, honestly, if it were the other fucking way around I'd be a dick about it to you."

Alexandra stared at him and shook her head. He was the most complex, charismatic man she had ever met. She could see he was being honest with her, and the things that the two of them shared went no further than the walls in the bedroom. She suddenly felt silly for even feeding into Randy's banter or accusations. It didn't matter what everyone else thought or assumed around them. In fact, Alexandra decided that she would pretend she was just another one of his women when asked - particularly around Randy or Dwight. "I'll play along," she told him, "I'm sorry for being so jealous about it."

"You're fucking sorry?" Negan shook his head. "I never wanted this for you, Alexandra. You're actually toughing out this shit more than I ever thought. I've seen my share of cat fights around here, but you..." He shook his head. "Why are you here? Why do you put up with this shit with me? Your life could be easy if you left me. I'd make sure you got the best fucking treatment, living like a queen here, but you wouldn't have to go through all the bullshit of being with me."

"Why?" Alexandra asked him. "Why would you do that for me even if I left you?"

Negan didn't respond. He looked up toward the ceiling for a moment and slowly let his arm drape around her, pulling her partially onto his chest. "Why won't you leave me?"

"I asked you first."

"Well I'm pulling fucking rank." He stared down at her. "Why?"

Alexandra swallowed hard and wasn't sure if he would hate her simple reason, or feel the way she would feel if he said the words to her. She knew she wouldn't be able to tell if it happened to be the latter because there was no way in Hell that Negan would ever acknowledge something so deep. "Because..." She hesitated and felt like a willing prisoner to his intense stare. "Because I'm in love with you Negan."


	16. I'm Rubbing Off On You

Alexandra seemed to wake up every hour on the hour. There were a collection of thoughts running through her mind, like what would happen to Carl. What would happen with Rick's group if Carl was returned. Would that end the feud? Would that ignite something else? Would Negan even return him safely? Her thoughts drifted to more personal matters, and perhaps less severe with regards to the whole community. She told Negan that she loved him, and there wasn't a bone in her body that expected him to say it back... maybe just a small part of her heart that hoped he would. When he didn't, she wasn't hurt. He had brought her toward him, left a long kiss on her forehead and cuddled her against him until both of them fell back asleep. For now, she decided, that was plenty.

Since then she had had reoccurring nightmares. Ones of unknown soldiers storming into the Sanctuary and spraying bullets everywhere. Others of Carl losing his other eye and being unable to see. She made up a picture of what Rick might look like in her mind as he introduced himself to Negan before attacking him. None of her dreams had been pleasant, so when the morning finally rolled around she felt tired; groggy.

Negan stirred just before seven o'clock and shifted himself so he sat on the side of the bed. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair before looking over his shoulder at Alexandra who laid sleeping with her back to him. He thought about their conversation in the middle of the night for a moment before getting up to get ready for the day.

When he reached the bathroom he looked into the mirror and stared at his reflection. He knew whatever he was feeling could in no way help him in this world. For years, since Lucille's death, he had built a wall around his heart, one that Alexandra had suddenly begun to break down.

Negan shook his head. He knew he couldn't let the feeling grow anymore than it had. He occasionally wondered where he would be if Lucille had been thrown into the world's end with him. Would he still be alive? Would she? Would he have turned so dark so quickly as the undead took over and the world spiraled out of control?

Never in a million years did he think someone could work themselves into his heart but now that Alexandra had made her arrival into his life he wasn't sure what was going to come of the future.

"You're making too much of it," he told himself and then turned on the water and ran some over his face. Why would it matter if he had feelings for someone or not? He knew he wouldn't have to hold Alexandra's hand through life. She was independent. She wanted to work. That part of her helped him feel secure. She wasn't the type to nag him or get overly jealous. Even her questions for him last night didn't bother him - and he was pleased that his responses didn't appear to bother her.

He jumped when Alexandra entered the bathroom, and then smiled to himself when she tried to suppress a chuckle.

"I'm sorry." She put up a hand and yawned.

Negan shook his head, wearing a closed-mouth grin. "See... you're already making me fucking soft."

"Well, that's weird... usually it's the opposite." She raised her eyebrows and he let out a laugh.

"Boy, am I rubbing off on you." Negan pulled her to him and kissed her once, grinning as she kept him against her to kiss him again. He laughed and then pulled back but kept her close. "I'm taking the kid back."

Alexandra smiled and raised her eyebrows. "I'm not trying to get in your business Negan."

"Yeah... too fucking late for that." Negan shook his head. "Shit that we say... that I've said..."

"I'm not the type to go blabbering about things," she told him with a more serious nod. "God, the closest 'friend' I have here is Randy and I can't fucking stand him half the time."

Negan let a grin slowly spread across his face. "I _am_ rubbing off on you." He laughed and then pulled her in to kiss him again.

Alexandra wanted to say the same to him after his decision to send Carl back to his group but she didn't push it. She kissed him back and felt a little disappointed when he parted from her and turned to the sink. "Well aren't you a tease." She was feeling more and more comfortable around him and was pleased when he laughed and looked down.

"I've got to go bring the kid back." He turned his head slowly to look at her and then stared her up and down. Negan began to walk toward her but Alexandra put a hand on his chest.

"That's the priority right now," she told him.

Negan pulled her to him with a grin and she laughed at how forcefully her body crashed against his. "For what that kid did I'd say he can wait in that cell for an extra... fifteen fucking minutes."

Alexandra didn't argue with that, laughing for another second before completely getting lost in the moment with him.

...

Negan walked Carl to the car with a group of his men. Despite Carl's frequent questions he never answered, hoping to scare the boy as much as he could. He knew he was getting off easy for his crimes. Had he not been so young, Negan probably would have tortured him for a while, or killed him off and sent his body back to Alexandria for Rick and the others.

"Where are you taking me?" Carl shouted as he Negan shoved him into the car.

"Shut the fuck up," he ordered and then looked at his men. "Drive."

"Where to?" A Savior asked.

"Alexandria." He stared into the side view mirror and saw Carl make eye contact with him.

"You better not hurt my dad," Carl warned.

Negan smiled and turned to face him in the back seat. "Ya know, kid, as much as I admire this courageous yet reckless bullshit you've been doing, you're on thin fucking ice as it is. Another word and I'll introduce you to Lucille real quick." He flashed the baseball bat and Carl seemed to stand down, eying the barbed wire barrel with big eyes and slowly leaning back in his seat. "That's what I fucking thought." Negan turned back around and stared ahead for most of the trip. He took in the surroundings, eying the tree line of the woods with just a hint of paranoia as they went.

"What the hell do we have here?" the driver asked as a car approached them.

"Hold up." Negan put a hand up and stared as the car did the same and slowed down. When Rick jumped out his face grew serious but was partially pleased when he put his hands up unarmed.

"Where's my son?" Rick demanded.

Negan turned to face Carl. "Don't say a fucking word yet. You hear me?" He then hopped out of the car and walked up to Rick.

"Where's Carl?" he asked again.

Negan smirked. "His eye looks fucking terrible." He began to laugh.

"Where is he?" The two men walked toward each other until they were nose to nose. When Negan didn't respond Rick head-butted him hard in the nose, prompting the Saviors to go running in their direction.

"Stop!" Negan shouted at them, and then fell to the ground as Rick began to kick him over and over again.

"Where's Carl!?" He demanded.

Negan wrestled Rick to the ground and wrapped his hands around his throat, beginning to strangle him. "You think I'm going to let you get away with that shit?" Negan barked, "In front of my own fucking men?" He turned, keeping his hands on Rick's neck. "Get the kid!"

Rick bit down on Negan's hand, making him wince just slightly. He pressed down harder on Rick's throat before finally letting him go and the two men rose to their feet.

"Stand the fuck down!" he ordered, pointing a finger at Rick and then eying Michonne who looked like she was about to attack at any minute beside him.

"Dad!" Carl shouted as two Saviors dragged him out of the car.

Rick's mouth dropped open with relief and Carl ran over to his father. The two of them exchanged a long, powerful hug and Negan put his hands out to the side.

"You see, Rick," he said, "I don't want to fucking kill people. I don't _like_ killing people."

Rick slowly looked up toward Negan, pushing Carl toward Michonne. "Thank you," he said in a slightly shaky voice.

"Where was your group heading?" Negan asked him, never looking away.

"We were looking for Carl."

Negan didn't blink. "Seems you were heading in the right fucking direction." When Rick didn't respond he looked back at his men. "Come on... let's get the fuck out of here." He looked back to Rick for a moment. "See, I can be reasonable Rick. Next time you let that kid run wild and attack my men I'll have to choice but to put him down."


	17. Brand New Feeling

Dwight walked up to Negan as he entered The Sanctuary. "Where's the kid?" he asked.

"Don't fucking worry about it." Negan brushed by him.

"Did you let him go?"

Sherry wandered up to the men and Negan slipped an arm over her shoulders as she leaned into him. "It's been awhile Sherry," he commented loud enough for Dwight to hear him. "How about we spend a few minutes alone, huh?" He laughed to himself and wandered slowly with her under his arm toward one of the buildings.

Dwight let a scowl form on his face and couldn't completely hide his displeasure. He had assumed that Negan was done with Sherry but apparently that wasn't the case.

Rather than sit and watch in misery he made his way to the medical building where Alexandra was tending to a young woman of about seventeen or eighteen. Randy was sitting behind a desk flipping through a puzzle book.

"So you do nothing all fucking day huh?" Dwight asked.

Alexandra, Randy and the girl all looked in Dwight's direction before Randy immediately rose to his feet. He began to stutter, "I-I..."

"He just patched up two guys who got into a little fist fight," Alexandra explained, attempting to cover for him.

"Ain't there something he could be doing?" Dwight stared at the young man and he hurried to a set of drawers.

"I'll do some inventory."

"Yeah... do that." Dwight rounded over to Alexandra. "When are you getting off duty?"

She hadn't thought about it, and wasn't wholly sure why he was asking. "I guess whenever I'm not needed down here any longer."

"Negan's back."

"I noticed." She continued to bandage the girl's wrist.

Dwight's features signaled that he was growing impatient. "Well, isn't that your cue to get the fuck out of here?"

"Excuse me?" Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "I'm dealing with a patient."

"You know your duty as one of Negan's-"

"He's with Sherry right now," she shot back, though his pained her slightly to do so. "And I'm busy."

Dwight scowled again and leaned toward her. "I know you're not like the others. I know it bothers you."

Alexandra decided to be strong and do what she had promised Negan earlier. He had come through and let Carl go and she wasn't going to let Dwight's words cause her to let up on her end. Despite the jealousy that was there, she remembered Negan's words when they were alone. And she was sure she would be spending the remainder of evening with him unless something big came up and he was forced to leave. "It sounds like it bothers you a little more, Dwight," she said quietly, and then tapped the girl's arm. "You're all set sweetheart."

"Thank you." The girl gave a wave, seeming to want to get out of the room as fast as possible since Dwight's confronting arrival.

Alexandra didn't want to start trouble, but she wasn't about to cave and curl up into a ball when Dwight came strolling in to give her a hard time. He was certainly bothered by Negan's interaction with Sherry, and rightfully so. Alexandra just hated the fact that he tried to cause her misery to match his. He didn't care about her. He was concern with his own problems and his own relationship - or thereof.

"You don't care that Negan's fucking my girl right now?" He asked.

"Go stop him, Dwight, if that's what you want." Alexandra was consciously trying not to show a reaction now.

"That's what you want."

"I want to stay in here and do my job until I'm needed elsewhere."

"You're needed elsewhere," he hissed.

"No, you _want_ me to go elsewhere so Negan won't screw around with Sherry." Alexandra shook her head and pushed past him. He grabbed her arm. "What!?" she demanded. _Man, this pretending not to care thing is a lot harder than I thought_.

Dwight stared at her for a moment. "Nothing." He let her go roughly and then stormed out of the building.

When the closure of Alexandra's shift finally rolled around she was thankful. After Dwight's visit she had been a mad mood and couldn't wait to unwind upstairs with Negan. When she got to his room he sat with two plates of food and big smile. She returned it and then sighed and sat down in front of him.

"Bad day?"

"Something like that."

"I thought you'd be happy... with me returning Carl and all."

"I am." Alexandra smiled.

"But..." He eyed her with suspicion, forcing her to look at him.

She couldn't lie to him. "Dwight... he just looks for reasons to get under my skin."

"Dwight as an inferiority complex. He gets too big for his big boy pants." Negan sighed, "He was probably a dick to you because of shit I said to him earlier." He motioned to the food in front of her. "Eat honey."

Alexandra smiled when he called her honey. "You know, I'm not going to lie it's a little difficult sometimes not to get jealous. I feel silly." She shook her head. "And that's all I'm going to say about it."

"I'll burn the other fucking side of Dwight's face if it'll make you feel better," he joked.

Alexandra smiled and shook her head before taking a bite of the noodles with butter on her plate.

Negan looked at her, watching her way for a moment and felt a small pain in his stomach for her. He knew it was her choice to be with him but he also knew it wasn't easy to get out of something like what they had together. He felt it too. "Thank you for putting up with this shit." Alexandra looked up at him. "I don't know that I could fully get back to normal if I were to lose you." Negan sighed and looked down, stabbing a collection of vegetables.

"You mean that?" She asked him.

He glanced back up and looked her in the eye. "Yes."

Alexandra swallowed hard and then tried to focus on dinner. She hated being so handcuffed by love and the deep burning in the pit of her stomach most days when thinking of her future with Negan. Still, she craved him so deeply on all levels.

"Thank you for picking me up dinner," she told him. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yes I did." Negan put a hand over hers. "I don't know how this is going to sound to you, but you're the only fucking person I want to be nice to." He paused, "I honestly don't care if anybody in this fucking world likes me, loves me or fucking hates me. I want you to want to be around me, Alexandra. I want you to enjoy being with me. So, I'm not going to try pushing you away anymore."

Alexandra squeezed her fingers around his. "I don't want you to push me away. I'm not going anywhere."

They stared at one another and Negan called her to him. Alexandra rose from her seat and rounded the table. He pulled her gently onto his lap and kissed her softly - abnormally softly. It made Alexandra's hands tighten around the collar of his shirt.

When he picked her up and rose to his feet she was shocked and had a brief, self-conscious thought about her weight.

Negan didn't say another word and walked her into the bedroom. Alexandra breathed in his kiss against her lips as he explored her mouth carefully with his as if they had never had physical contact before. Modestly he threw the covers over them as he first undressed her and then himself.

Alexandra almost had too much time to think - or overthink. The mood felt different than when she and Negan were typically intimate. He was careful, gentle and the word he hated the most - affectionate.

She opened her eyes just after he joined himself to her. For a moment he lay dormant inside of her and then leaned down and kissed her in such a way that gave Alexandra chills.

He moved his hips once, making her moan into his mouth and then Negan parted his lips from hers. "I love you too Alexandra," he said quietly. "I should have said it when you told me."

Alexandra couldn't believe what he was telling her, but she felt it. "I love you," she said back.

Negan kissed her again, proceeding at the same level of careful passion that he began with.

Like the night he had come into the room fired up and passionate, this time felt brand new to Alexandra. She'd had sex with Negan plenty of time - hot, unbelievable sex at times. But this was the first time she felt like he was making love to her. It was something she thought he wasn't capable of.

Alexandra closed her eyes, able to relish in the soft kisses he laid on her lips and neck; the sensual movements of his hands down her body and the way his eyes studied hers as he moved with a controlled passion on top of her.

The night felt never ending in the best of ways. It felt like some sort of surreal dream. Each time Alexandra drifted off to sleep she would feel Negan's arm slip around her waist to pull her close or feel his lips on the back of her shoulder as he cuddled her from behind. She couldn't help but give in to him each time. With the same undeniable force she awoke him several times with a kiss that ignited into far more. When the first hints of the morning flickered in through the curtains Alexandra was almost disappointed. By some warped stretch of the imagination she hoped that the sun would never come back up and that the two of them would live in that moment forever.

"Try to get some sleep," Negan commented as he, too, recognized the first sights and sounds of morning.

Alexandra was tastefully exhausted and could only focus on his hand as he ran it through her hair. She didn't want to close her eyes and fall fast asleep. She wanted to see and feel Negan for every second of that night... or day. Whatever the time happened to be.

"I don't want to," she whispered back, facing him as they laid inches apart from one another.

Negan kissed her once and then pulled her toward his chest, cuddling her against him. "I meant what I said."

Alexandra breathed against him. "I know."

"Don't fucking listen to Dwight... alright?" he mumbled.

"Okay," she whispered. Alexandra didn't remember much after that. She felt her eyes betraying her wishes as she finally fell fast asleep in Negan's arms.


	18. Ambush

Negan walked through the courtyard of The Sanctuary and rounded up a group of Saviors. "We're going to collect early from Alexandria," he informed them. "We need shit... they have shit... and I want to break our fucking routines."

No one asked questions as they were all in agreement. Two men, Seth and Connor, rounded up a pair of trucks as Negan made his way to speak with another group of men. "Follow us," he ordered, "But leave ten minutes after." He pointed to one of his most reliable marksmen. "I need you ready in case of an attack. Bring the rifle with the best scope and be ready to shoot at all times."

"Yes, sir." The man nodded and hurried to a third car that carried a load of other men set to tail the man car as a precaution.

Negan wandered back to a small warehouse where weapons were stored and grabbed a handgun, shoving it in the waistband of his pants. He grabbed multiple other guns just to load in the truck and then went on his way, purposely passing by the medical building. Without much of a conversation he tapped on the window and gave a brief wave to Alexandra before he went. He could see she was about to run out to him but he put up a hand, shook his head and then gave a wink before turning away.

The ride to Alexandria was slightly edgy. Since Carl's rogue attack on The Sanctuary Negan was constantly looking over his shoulder. He didn't have the same sense of security since encountering Rick and the others. He was certain they couldn't take down the whole community but he knew it was more than possible that they could kill him.

 _Heavy lies the crown_ , he thought to himself.

When they reached the gates of Alexandria Negan hopped out, immediately to be confronted by Olivia, one of the residents of the so-called safe zone. "Rick and the others are out on a supply run. We don't have much right now. We're practically starving."

Negan looked the woman up and down. "By practically did you mean, not fucking really? Jesus, you've gained weight since I've fucking seen you last."

Olivia scowled and frustration made tears form in her eyes. She shook her head and began to walk away.

One of the Saviors gave Negan a look and so he glanced back at the woman. "Look, I was out of line," he said, putting a hand on his chest. "I apologize." Olivia glanced up at him skeptically. "Hey, if it's any consolation I'd still fuck ya."

Olivia walked up and smacked him across the face, prompting two Saviors to restrain her.

"Let her go," Negan ordered. "Show me to a vacant house. I want to get comfortable until Rick gets back." He chuckled to himself and spoke with Olivia despite her back being to him. "You're a fighter. I like that shit."

"Negan!" a male voice interrupted their march across Alexandria. "Negan, I think you should get rid of Rick."

He turned to a tall, thin man and eyed him suspiciously. "Is that right? Who the fuck might you be?"

"Spencer." He swallowed hard and looked at the men around him before returning his gaze back to Negan. "Rick's a shitty leader. I told him he should have made a deal with you a long time ago. You'd be better fit to lead us here." Spencer swallowed hard again. "You... you could have this place. I'd do whatever you want. Kill Rick. Take over. I'll help."

Negan smirked and put a hand on his hip, leaning the bat on his shoulder with his other arm. "You think I should just take him out huh? Rick fucking hates my guts... but at least he has fucking guts." He smiled wider. "Not like you you fucking pussy. What the fuck would you do for me?"

Spencer stuttered, "I... I um..."

Negan turned and looked to his men with a smirk. "No fucking guts this kid." He turned back to Spencer and without warning he removed a knife from his belt and plunged it into his stomach.

Spencer's mouth hung open, his eyes were wide with shock and he fell to the ground.

"Well would ya look at that," Negan said with a laugh, "I guess he does have guts after all." He turned to Seth, "Clean that shit up, huh? I don't want any kids that might be running around to fucking see that." He continued to walk away to a vacant house that Olivia was leading them to.

The woman stared at Spencer's lifeless body as his life slowly slipped away. Olivia stared back at Negan who nodded his head. "Got a pool table here? I need to fucking unwind."

Hours passed and Negan contemplated staying the night in Alexandria. When Rick and his group finally arrived Negan knew that Olivia had told him about Spencer.

"I thought we had a deal," Rick said, gritting his teeth.

"You should be fucking thanking me," Negan explained, "That kid was going to turn on you."

"You killed an innocent man," he went on, getting louder.

"Listen, Rick, I've been more than fucking reasonable." Negan got closer to Rick's face. "I returned your fucking kid unharmed didn't I? That little shit killed six of my people." He could see Rick was beginning to back down. "Where are my supplies?" When Rick turned to ask his people, Negan grabbing his shoulder. "Ya know what? Fuck it... keep the shit."

"A deal's a deal." Rick shook his head and ordered Carl and the rest of them to give Negan what was owed.

"Dad!" Carl began to persist, but Rick put up a hand.

"We're giving what's owed of us."

"Suit your fucking self." Negan ordered his crew of eight to load up the supplies in the truck. He turned to give Rick a final farewell but when he was no where to be seen Negan hopped in the passenger side of the truck. "Drive," he ordered.

The truck pulled out of Alexandria and no sooner than five seconds later, a single gunshot sounded off. At the same time, the driver's head keeled over and slammed down onto the steering wheel with a loud honk of the horn. Blood poured from all directions and the truck began to veer of course.

"Fuck!" Negan shouted, managing to get out of the slowly moving vehicle as he evaded the gunshots that continued to sound off around him.

Rick suddenly rounded a corner and stood with his gun pointed at Negan. "Looks like you brought a bat to a gun fight."

Without warning, Rick's gun falls from his hand and Negan grabbed him by the collar. "You haven't learned fucking shit have you? You think I don't have my own fucking backups in case some shit like this happens?" He spit in Rick's face as he spoke. "You're fucking fucked you stupid fuck!" He raised the bat, only to have parts of the barrel splinter away as Carl stood some twenty yards away holding the gun that fired a single shot into Lucille.

Negan felt his entire body grow hot with rage. "I will order every fucking person in your safe zone to be killed if you don't hand that fucking kid over to me now!" He glanced up as several of his men carted Tara, Heath and several other Alexandria members over on their knees. "You're going to help me choose this time Rick," Negan ordered through gritted teeth. "Sing it with me... eenie, meanie, miny-"

One of the Saviors holding Rick's people fell to the ground, a victim of a sneak attack by Aaron, who came out of the woods. Without thinking, The Saviors began shooting, spraying their own man with bullets in their attempt to kill Aaron.

"Stop fucking shooting!" Negan demanded, "Fuck!" He watched as several of his men fell victim to each other. The sheer stupidity of it all made him want to kill them himself.

"Go!" Aaron shouted, prompting Tara and Health to flee as he pointed a gun directly Negan before grabbing him around the neck, keeping the gun to his temple and disarming him of Lucille. "Put your guns down!" Aaron demanded, "Or I'll kill him."

No one moved for several seconds, with Rick and Aaron making eye contact. A second later there was a low growl; something inhuman and intimidating. Negan looked from side to side and then all of a sudden a tiger burst from the trees, attacking Negan's men.

"Shiva!" Carl opened his mouth wide. Everyone watched as the massive animal began to maul the Saviors. It was enough time for Negan knock Aaron back, grab Lucille and run to the truck. He didn't bother to look back, driving at full speed for The Sanctuary. Things had gotten out of hand and now he knew things would have to change for good. There would be no more tiptoeing around Rick and his crew. He wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt, sparing Carl, killing Spencer for his cowardly act to go against Rick and even offering to let them keep their supplies.

"They have no idea who they're fucking with," Negan shouted, slamming the heel of his hand down on the steering wheel.

When he arrived back at The Sanctuary everyone was at attention when he barreled through the entrance like a tornado.

Alexandra was off duty and sitting with two other women in chairs by the courtyard. When she saw Negan she didn't hold back like she typically did. She knew something was wrong and didn't care if people saw her run over to him.

"What happened?" she asked, seeing the shattered barrel of his bat and his war-path of a walk. He appeared beat-up and undone, but above all he looked pissed off. "Negan."

"Go upstairs," he ordered. "Shit happened! You're not safe."

"What?" Alexandra grabbed his arm.

"Go the fuck upstairs!" Negan said again. "I don't know what the fuck they're going to do."

"Rick?"

"Alexandra, do what I just fucking told you to do! I don't fucking trust anything right now!"

She nodded, seeing there wasn't much to argue about. A part of her wanted to ask what happened. She had a terrible feeling that he almost didn't make it back. Without another word she hurried up to his room and waited, opening a window to listen as he angrily stormed around The Sanctuary, gathering people as he went until almost every male member of the community stood collected in a massive group that looked almost like a concert setting.

Alexandra sat on the ledge of the open window and tried to listen. She felt her heart sink into her stomach when she made out Negan's loudest words. "We're going to fucking war!"


	19. Break From It All

"I'm going to be in and out all fucking night." Negan finally sat down in his desk chair around midnight and poured himself a single shot, taking it fast down the hatch before pushing the bottle to the side. He motioned for Alexandra to take some but she shook her head.

He took a deep breath and sat in silence for a second.

Alexandra eyed the bat in front of him. "What happened to you out there?"

"I was going to let Rick keep all of his fucking supplies today," Negan clenched his jaw as he thought of it and shook his head before slamming the desk.

"You're going back there to attack them?"

"Soon... very soon."

She put her hand on her forehead as she thought about it.

"Don't tell me you're getting fucking that soft on me," Negan pressed. "You really care if I kill any of 'em now? That fucking kid shot at me, hit Lucille." He pushed the bat away and then grabbed it again and kept his hand on the handle.

"No." Alexandra shook her head. "No I care about you Negan. I want you to make it back here each day. They'll be gunning for you."

"I'm bringing everything to the fucking table. I've been patient; tolerant." Negan shook his head, stood up and paced the room. "I'm ending it."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Will they attack here?"

"I have everyone on watch taking two hour shifts. I'm going back down in a fucking minute or two."

Alexandra walked over and cautiously put her arms around him. She rested her head on his chest and let out a breath.

"Why the fuck do you do that?" He asked quietly.

"Do what?" Alexandra looked up at him.

"You're so cautious, like I'm going to fucking push you away from me or something." He shook his head. "I'm not that fucking bad am I?"

She shook her head. "No... I just know you need your space sometimes."

"Don't look so fucking scared around me."

"I'm not." Alexandra stepped back and ran a hand along his face.

Negan closed his eyes and placed a hand over hers. "I told you, you're my break from all of it; all the shit that goes on out there." He breathed in. "I ain't had that shit since Lucille. I needed it then and I need it now... with you."

"Well you got it." Alexandra kissed him and Negan kissed her back.

"You might see some fucked up shit if they attack here."

"I hope they don't."

"They might." He looked her in the eye. "And I'm going to be fucking ruthless if they do. You have to be prepared for that shit."

"I don't care what you do, Negan." Alexandra shook his head. "I know you tried doing it my way. You gave Carl back to them unharmed." She sighed and nodded at him, touching his face again. "You need to do it your way."

He sighed. "I have men going to the Hilltop. They're bringing Gregory back here. He's their fucking leader."

"I thought Rick's people-"

"They're plotting together," Negan went on, "So I'm going to fucking threaten Gregory's life unless he makes his people back down."

Alexandra took a deep breath. "This is about to get bad huh?"

"Things are about to fucking get heavy... and hectic. But I know what I'm dealing with now." He ran a hand through her hair. "You keep yourself locked away from the chaos if things get bad. Don't try to pull some heroic bullshit and end up fucking dying on me."

"What about you?"

Negan finally smirked. "You're good at the medical shit right? Well, this is the kind of shit that I do... so leave the fighting and the killing and all that shit to me."

Alexandra nodded. "Okay."

He kissed her forehead. "Get some sleep."

"I don't think that's going to happen."

"I'd give ya something that normally puts you to sleep but I'll lose the edge I have right now."

Alexandra smiled at him. "I wouldn't want that to happen. Seems like you need the edge now."

Negan tapped beneath her chin with his first two fingers and smirked. He went to walk away but Alexandra cleared her throat and he stopped. "What?"

She looked around and then raised her eyebrows. "The medical center is out of contraceptive pills... the ones I'd been taking. So as of today..." She shook her head and shrugged. "I don't know."

Negan paused and then let a slow smile creep across his face. "Thanks for the fucking warning." He looked at her for a moment. "Hilltop's got some good shit for that."

"Don't take their med-"

"I mean fucking doctors. They deliver babies and shit."

Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "Oh..." She wasn't sure what he was getting at. "They've successfully done that over there?"

"Yeah." Negan eyed the bottle of liquor and contemplated reaching for it again but he decided against it. He looked back to Alexandra. "Look, I'm still going to fuck you... unless you object of course."

Alexandra hated when he used the word 'fuck' in that context, particularly when referring to her. Still, she was sure he hated when she chose the word 'intimate' and so she never said anything about it. "No... I want to. I mean... yeah."

He chuckled to himself as she stumbled on her words.

"So..." She wasn't sure where to go from there without sounding stupid. Alexandra had no idea if he was implying that he didn't care, or if the idea of children was _actually_ something in the back of his mind.

 _Doubtful_ , she thought, dually noting that she would terrified to bring a child into their world. The human side of her, however, felt the tiniest bit of joy over the thought. _Someone has to make sure the world goes on, right?_

Before she could carry on the conversation further he reached for his half-broken bat.

"Go to bed... try to at least. I'll be back."

Alexandra nodded. "I'll try. No promises."

Negan walked up and kissed her once on the lips. "Fucking try doll." He then turned and walked out of the room.


	20. Legacy

Alexandra awoke from a nightmare to see the sun shining through the open window. She breathed heavy and drew a hand across the damp skin on the back of her neck as she tried to recount the images from her dream. When she saw the vacant spot next to her a panic rose in her chest and she hopped out of bed to get dressed.

Negan hadn't returned since he had left earlier that night, and while Alexandra knew that he could certainly be out patrolling or handling business, she also knew that something could have happened to him. Her heart rate picked up as she whisked through her morning routine, hurrying to brush her teeth, throwing water on her face and tossing her hair into a ponytail.

"Come on, come on..." she encouraged herself as she removed a pair of sleep shorts and struggled to step into her scrubs for a day down in the medical building. When she slipped and fell she cursed to herself and then continued to struggle in her rush to get down to the courtyard.

When the door flung open Alexandra looked up and let out a loud sigh before putting a hand on her forehead.

Negan let out a tired laugh and studied her for a moment. "Having trouble honey?"

She stopped struggling for a moment and shook her head. "I just woke up. I didn't know where you were."

"Out and about protecting the perimeter all night," he explained, removing his jacket with a big yawn. Alexandra took her time, pulling up her scrub bottoms before he approached her and lazily threw his arms around her. "I'm fucking tired."

"Get some rest." Alexandra rubbed his back.

"I can't sleep much... just have to get a fucking nap in." He pulled back to turn up the volume on his walkie talkie. "I told Dwight to radio me if something happens." Negan ran a hand through his hair. "Had to deal with that asshole Gregory too."

"He's here?"

"He's going to command his people to back the fuck off. I'm going to kill the fuck if people from The Hilltop show up here."

Alexandra sighed. "You need to sleep in case something _does_ happen."

"Yeah." He closed his eyes a moment before reaching for her hand. "Come on... stay with me. Randy can fucking make it by himself. No one's down there."

She followed him into the bedroom and he laid down flat on his back in the center of the bed. Alexandra smiled and Negan took a deep breath.

"We can reenact the first time you came up here," he joked.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a chuckle. "How do we do that?"

"You can start by pulling off my pants." Negan smiled when Alexandra laughed. "And then take good fucking care of me until I fall asleep."

She leaned down and touched her lips to his. "You didn't let me do that back then."

Negan leaned a hand up, gently pulling her face back down to his so she could kiss him again. "You're fucking special now," he said lowly with a big grin, guiding her on top of him.

Alexandra leaned back so she was straddling him and undid the button on his pants before sliding his zipper down.

He looked up at her, placing his hands behind his head with a smile before repeating the phrase he used when she was treating his broken leg. "Do your worst to me."

She smirked and stood up for a moment, pulling off one pant leg at a time. "Do you want me to remove your shirt too like the last time too?"

Negan chuckled. "I cant handle that, but you could lose yours." He let his eyebrows rise and fall before sitting up partway to peel off his t-shirt.

Alexandra did as he asked, matching his lack of clothing before trailing kisses down his bare chest. Negan closed his eyes and entangled his hand in her hair when she moved to the area just below his belly button. He swallowed hard. "This isn't going to take much," he informed her, not opening his eyes.

She removed the pants that had been such a struggle to get on a few minutes before and then pulled back the band on his boxer-briefs to release his erection. Negan pulled her face back to his and gave her a hard, closed-mouth kiss as she lowered herself onto him.

"Fuck," he said before kissing her again, sliding his tongue into her mouth as she began to move on top of him.

Alexandra kissed him back for a second before parting her lips from his with a sigh. "Remember what I told you yesterday," she breathed out but he crashed his lips back against hers.

Negan moaned into her mouth and then laid his head down flat on the pillow when her she leaned back with her hands on his chest. "I'll do whatever the fuck you want," he choked out, beginning to guide her hips with his hands.

"What do you mean?" She was trying to talk and carry on at the same time but closed her eyes and dug her fingers into him with a moan of her own.

He opened his mouth to respond but couldn't get a word out aside from the first syllable of her name.

Alexandra wasn't used to being in control but could see that what she was doing was effective for both of them.

"Fuucckkkk..." Negan dragged out the word and pressed his eyes shut as his body stiffened up and he arched his hips up into her.

She slowed her pace down when his hands finally loosened against her and he let out a loud sigh before relaxing beneath her. Alexandra rested her hands on his chest and took a deep breath in herself.

"Sorry," he said, closing his eyes without taking his hands off of her.

Alexandra smiled to herself and then slowly climbed off of him, wrapping herself in just the sheet in the bed. Negan didn't move for a minute. He laid so still with his eyes closed that she thought he might have already drifted to sleep - not that she could blame him after the sleepless night he'd had making sure no one would attack them.

When he finally reached down and slid his shorts back up over his waistline he turned to Alexandra. "Would you do it?"

"Do what?" she asked, looking over to him. Alexandra brushed his hair back away from his forehead and Negan closed his eyes again.

"Have a kid."

"Would you?" Alexandra had no idea what her honest answer was.

"It wouldn't be bad to leave a fucking legacy," Negan replied. "Gunna die eventually."

"Not any time soon."

"You never know."

Alexandra looked at him. "Negan..."

He opened his eyes and smiled. "What... you don't."

"How good is The Hilltop?"

"They've got some good shit." Negan closed his eyes again. "I know it's a scary fucking thought."

"I would," Alexandra said abruptly.

"I almost died the other day," he went on. "I'd never knock up one of the others. You... you'd take care it... be a good mother."

"Gee... thanks." She chuckled and Negan grinned.

"You know what I fucking mean." He laughed to himself. "I told you you're special honey."

"Would The Hilltop even help me?" Alexandra asked him. "Seeing as it would be your child?"

"None of them would have to know that shit," Negan explained. He yawned again and tossed his half of the sheet over himself before turning on his side to face her with his eyes closed. "We'll talk later doll. I'm fucking exhausted."

Alexandra ran a and through his hair another time before laying back on her back to face the ceiling. For a moment she stared at the whispy patterns of the brush strokes left there by whoever had originally build the place they called home. She let her mind wander to the idea of children that seemed impossible just a few days ago. The idea hadn't seriously crossed her mind, even since being with Negan. Now that he had seriously brought the idea to her mind, she felt differently.

The Sanctuary was certainly a place they could raise a child, if there was any place left to do so. The human race would die if no one reproduced anymore and it was something they were all struggling to preserve. She turned and looked at Negan, enjoying watching him sleep as always. His light snores made her smile to herself and she imagined the two of them laying there with their child between them. Alexandra knew Negan would never let anything bad happen to either of them if she had his child.

Alexandra looked up at the ceiling again. "Wow, my life has changed so much," she whispered to herself. When she glanced back at Negan she knew she wouldn't have it any other way.


	21. Billiards

The vibe at The Sanctuary was different. The men were far more edgy an on far less sleep than normal, making the morale of the group lower. After Carl's attack and then Rick's ambush following the most recent exchange, everyone knew that things wouldn't just die out. There was far more to it than that.

Negan was more demanding than ever before, caring even less about the feelings of his soldier than normal. When someone made so much as a hint of an excuse he didn't hesitate to lash out or embarrass them. There was even more tension than normal brewing between him and Dwight, fracturing a small, important piece of his leadership crew.

Despite it being days since the attack, Negan was sure the confidence level in Alexandria was growing, as Rick's previous altercation with him had been a mild victory. More Saviors were killed and Ezekiel unleashed the tiger that mauled several others.

Alexandra sat at a picnic table with a younger girl and Randy. The girl, a diabetic, had been suffering from low blood sugar and so she managed to scrounge up some lollypops and a soda.

"I wonder how this soda survived this long," the girl wondered aloud, staring at the can of Pepsi in her hand. She looked to Alexandra for an answer, but she just shrugged with a smile. The young teenager's low-level curiosity made her smile. Finally, something that wasn't so heavy.

"It's crazy, huh?" Alexandra responded. "Just lucky I guess."

"Probably past the expiration date." The girl grinned and shrugged back. "Guess it doesn't matter. Tastes the same as it always did... a little flat maybe."

"Well enjoy it." She crossed one leg over the other and looked out toward the front borders of their home.

"Do you think that boy will be back?"

Alexandra looked to the girl and tried to change the subject. "What's your name? I always confuse you with your sister."

"Sarah," she replied, still grinning. "So... the boy?"

"What boy?" Alexandra knew who she was speaking of.

"The boy with the one eye. He killed a bunch of people."

"I don't know."

"Negan seems to think so."

She smiled. "How do you know that?"

"I heard him cursing." Sarah chuckled and lowered her voice, "Calling him a little shit."

Alexandra laughed lightly. "Don't repeat that stuff."

"Not like I have parents to get mad at me." Her face turned slightly somber and Alexandra ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry."

"My big sis is like my mom now."

"Emily right?" Alexandra asked.

"Jeez, you know _her_ name."

She laughed again. "Sorry. How old is Emily?"

"Nineteen, but she might curse more than Negan does."

"I find that hard to believe."

Randy looked over at them and glanced down at a handful of potato chips that were on a napkin in front of Alexandra. She looked back at him. "They're all yours."

"No, it's fine-" he began but she insisted, pushing the food toward him.

"I'm not hungry," Alexandra told him, shaking her head. "The sandwich was more than enough."

"Your boy..." Randy said, "He could be in some shit."

She looked back him. "First of all, don't swear around Sarah. Second of all, stop referring to him as that. Third... why do you say that?"

Sarah leaned on her hands, putting her elbows down on the picnic table. "Yeah Randy," she said in a sassy tone, "Why do you say that?"

Alexandra suppressed a smile, but looked directly at her co-worker.

"The vibe is all fu-messed up around here," he said quietly. "They have us stocked up here pretty damn good, which is great but it's because those people out there are going to gang up on us. He has the dude from The Hilltop held hostage here."

She looked to Sarah who appeared unphased and then back to Randy. "What side are you on?"

"Don't be stupid." He rolled his eyes.

"You said they're going to gang up on us and attack us, but seem to have a problem with Negan bringing Gregory here."

"Oh, is that his name?" Randy asked, "Insider information huh?" He winked and Alexandra stood up, walked around the table and punched him as hard as she could in the arm.

"Nice," Sarah said, taking a sip of her soda.

He stood up and put his hands out to the sides. "What the hell Alex?"

"You run your mouth way too much," she told him, shaking her head.

"Hit him again," Sarah urged, watching like she was at a sporting event.

"Great role model," he shot back, rubbing his arm. "You should probably think before you act if you're in training to be a _real_ mom some day."

"What did you say?" Alexandra was fuming now. Randy honestly reminder her of a jealous little brother looking for attention. When he smirked she raised her fist, making him flinch but she stopped herself and glared at him.

"Well, well, well..." a rugged, scratchy voice came from behind her, "Trouble in paradise?"

Alexandra turned to see Negan approach with a big grin on his face. He stared down at Sarah who cracked the lollypop in between her teeth and took another big swig from the can of Coke.

He laughed and patted her on the back. "What's up kid?"

Sarah shrugged, thinking nothing of it. "Nothin'."

"Ever think after the world went to shit you'd be able to still eat candy and drink soda?"

"Nah." She grinned when he winked.

"We take care of you all here, right?"

"Right." Sarah smiled and looked back at Alexandra and Randy. "She could probably beat him up."

Negan laughed again, seeing Alexandra's scowl gradually fading from Negan's interaction with Sarah. He then looked to Randy who looked white as a ghost with big eyes. "From the looks of him, I think you might be able to, too."

The girl grinned and then flicked the white lollypop stem to the side like a cigarette.

"You feelin' any better?" Negan asked.

"Yeah." Her answers were short, honest and without hesitation.

"Well shit, that's great."

"Negan." Alexandra looked at him and he raised his eyes to meet hers, unaware of what she was saying his name for.

"Thanks Ali," Sarah said, "See I remember _your_ name." She giggled to herself before skipping away.

Negan chuckled and looked at the two of them. "What the fuck's going on over here today?"

"Nothing." Alexandra sighed and felt a sense of comfort when he draped an arm around her shoulders, sizing up Randy as he did.

"You have a thing for Alexandra kid?" he asked.

She looked up at him and saw the amusement in his face.

"No." Randy shook his head. "I... I mean we're kind of like brother and sister... I guess."

Negan laughed and sucked on his teeth a moment before looking to Alexandra. He then looked back at Randy again. "Mind if I borrow her?"

"No." He shook his head.

"Thanks for the fuckin' permission Randy." Negan smacked him hard on the same arm that Alexandra had punched him in and then lead her away toward a small recreation hall. When they got there he pulled two pool cues off the wall and handed her one before beginning to set up for a game at a table in the back of the room.

A few younger kids scattered when they arrived, making him grin. "Kids are so fuckin' scared of me. I love it."

"Not Sarah," Alexandra pointed out with a smile.

"That kid had some spunk," he agreed, still grinning. "So... why the fuck were you about to knock Randy's head off?" When she sighed and showed sympathy in his stare. "Tensions are high."

"I haven't been sleeping well. He says we're like brother and sister but I never fought with my brother the way I fight with him." Alexandra shook her head. "I'm always nice to that kid."

"Must be hard knowing a woman's fucking better than him." Negan winked and Alexandra smiled. He tossed her the cue ball. "Break it honey."

"I used to play a lot but I wasn't very good." Alexandra placed the white ball down and leaned over the table. "I didn't even know this was here."

"You need to fucking get out more." He put his hands on his hips and purposely checked her out as she leaned forward.

She laughed and hit the ball before standing up to face him as the fifteen other balls scattered across the red felt that made up the table-top. "That wasn't fair."

"Everything's fair." Negan took his turn at the table, knocking a striped ball into the corner pocket and then proceeded to knock in another on his second try. He then leaned over the table again, looking Alexandra in the eye and proceeded to connect with a third shot that went cleanly into on of the center pockets.

Alexandra sighed, shaking her head. "You continue to amaze me."

"It's what I do honey." Negan purposely missed his next shot and then Alexandra took her turn, hitting the number 6 ball in before missing on the next shot. She looked up as he swiftly rounded the table and sunk the red-striped 11 and then 12 just after.

"You suck at this game," she teased, grinning as he looked up to her with a smile.

Negan purposely over-exaggerated his next miss, making Alexandra make a face at him.

"Don't miss on purpose."

He chuckled, "I didn't."

"Yeah, yeah..." Alexandra leaned forward again, eying bright yellow number 1 that sat flush against the edge of the far, left corner. She shot, catching the edge but not enough to put the ball in. "Damn it."

Negan moved behind her and gently pushed her back down so she was bent over the table and placed his hands over hers on the stick. "Loosen up," he said quietly into her ear. "You're too tense." He glanced at the yellow ball again, staying close to her. "Let out a breath just before you shoot and then..." He pushed his body tighter against hers, "...connect."

Alexandra hadn't realized her eyes had slowly fluttered shut as he spoke. She wasn't at all thinking about the game until he finally backed away to allow her to shoot again. When she came to, she could feel him grinning beside her as he stood with his arms folded over his chest. She took in a deep breath and let it out before striking the cue ball, sending it sailing across the way to send the 1 into the corner pocket.

"There ya go. See it's not a bad way to blow off some steam." Negan grinned to himself as she sunk a second one before turning the game back over to him. He only had the 9 and 13 left and gloated as the 13 ball glided into a corner with ease despite the tricky nature of the shot.

"One left and the eight ball," Alexandra pointed out, running a cube of blue chalk over the top of her stick.

Negan leaned down, eying her a moment before plunking the eight ball into the corner pocket. "Whoops." He raised his eyebrows.

She shook her head as he looked down with a laugh, noting he blew the game on purpose. "Looks like I win."

He laid his stick down on the table and walked up to her, picking her up and seating her on the edge of the table. "I wanted you to." Negan settled his hands on her waist and kissed her as her arms wrapped around the back of his neck. "After I fuck you go upstairs and a take a nap," he whispered as he began to draw her shirt away from her shoulder, "You're kind of fucking scary when you're angry."


	22. Epiphany

Alexandra took Negan's advice, taking a power nap before returning to the medical building as the evening crept in. She smirked to herself as she made her way down, thinking of the afternoon romp the two of them had had in the recreation hall. Every encounter with Negan was different. He always kept her guessing and it added to his appeal.

She let her smile fade when she saw Randy through the window going about his business and opening up cabinets as he went through supplies. A part of her was still a little aggravated with him, though the other half of her felt a little bad for their altercation. Rather than continue to be strong-willed about it she entered the building and decided to make peace.

Alexandra pushed open the door and the two of them immediately made eye contact. "Go back to your place," she told him, "Take the night off, I got it."

"No, it's fine." Randy continued to stack shelves.

"I mean it," she told him, "No one's here. If something happens I'll call you."

"What'd you and your boy have a fight or something?"

"Randy," she approached him calmly. "What's the deal? Honestly, I would never say this if you weren't constantly bringing it up because I'm not that full of myself, but are you jealous or something? I don't get it."

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. Alexandra thought he was going to come back at her with a snotty response but his features softened a bit. "I don't mean to be a dick," Randy admitted. "I just... I don't know, things have changed now that you're with Negan. We used to keep it lowkey down here. We alternated shifts, worked together." He shrugged. "Maybe I am fucking jealous of all the attention you get. I see the way he looks at me - like I'm a piece of shit."

"No he doesn't."

"Come on." Randy shook his head. "I'm not going to lie I'm scared shitless around the guy. I know he thinks I'm weak."

Alexandra shook her head and decided to fabricate a white lie. "He told me you do a good job down here."

"Yeah right." He rolled his eyes and tossed a box of Band-Aids into the cabinet.

"He did," she went on, "He always talks about how much you can handle and the people you've helped."

"Always?" Randy looked at her skeptically.

"Not always," Alexandra said with a shrug, "Bad word choice. But he has occasionally. He doesn't think you're weak... or a piece of shit, as you said." She stared at him. "I'm sorry if anything I've done is making you feel bad. But I can't fucking stand it when you make comments to me like you did today... or when I walked in here."

Randy closed the cabinet and hopped up onto the counter, sitting so his feet dangled off. "You're right. It's my bad." He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "It's just like, you and I are _always_ around each other, so it was bound to happen that we get on each other's nerves or rub each other the wrong way."

Alexandra nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know."

"I have some friends here, kind of," he went on, "But believe it or not I'm probably the closest with you... and now you're always being pulled out of here."

She couldn't help but smile. "Aww Randy, you miss me?" she teased him.

He laughed. "Don't read too much into that."

Alexandra chuckled and hit him lightly on the arm. "Go home... I got this. I'm serious."

"What if Negan insists you go up with him? I don't want to get in trouble."

"I'll tell him I'm staying." She nodded. "And I'm sorry I hit you today."

Randy shrugged. "I guess I deserved it."

Alexandra pushed him toward the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Fine." He half-smiled and gave a wave before exiting the building.

She settled herself in the office and pulled out a book she'd stored for low-key times. Alexandra got lost in the book for a few chapters but then her mind began to wander. She wondered what the future held for her and Negan. A part of her worried that what Randy had said early in the day might actually happen - whether a day from now, a week, a month, a year... Soon there would be someone who would make a more valiant effort at Negan's life. He had said it himself that he almost died on the last supply run to the Alexandria community.

 _I wonder if he would ever consider leaving all of this?_ she wondered. Alexandra knew she wouldn't bring the idea up to him outright, but thought maybe she could subtly sneak it in during one of their conversations.

Alexandra's thoughts became more anxious as time went by. Being in the quiet building alone wasn't the best for her suddenly distressed mind. Again, she thought of ending a typical work day and not having Negan to go home to. The thought was terrifying and it made her stomach twist in knots. She knew he was almost too powerful for his own good. In all of the history books people always looked to assassinate leaders of all kinds: presidents, tyrants, world leaders. Whether good or bad, the end game was the same and lives were lost. If history repeated itself, Negan's head was on the chopping block.

She closed the book and swallowed hard, trying to keep it together but a short sob sounded off in her chest and then tears began to fall down her face.

Alexandra tried to stop but she couldn't, and proceeded to close the curtains in the room she sat in in case anyone were to walk by. She reached for a tissue and sat down in a plastic chair in the corner of the room. For several minutes she let herself rally in the emotion, letting out the stress mixed with a lack of sleep and vicious thoughts that wouldn't go away. When she finally calmed herself, feeling a weight leave her shoulders as the tears stopped she swallowed hard and blew her nose. She stepped in front of a full length mirror that hung on the wall and studied her eyes, swollen from crying.

 _Ice pack_ , she thought, and then proceeded to grab one of the several they had stored. When the cold compress pressed against her face she felt a rush of relief and kept her eyes closed for a moment. The full-circle of emotions was therapeutic and Alexandra finally felt relaxed as she sat by herself.

The door to the front of the building opened and closed. When Negan entered the room where she sat he rushed up to her. "What the fuck happened?" He motioned to the ice pack and felt an anger rush into his chest.

"Nothing," Alexandra told him.

"Bullshit." He looked around the empty room for someone or something.

"No, really," she told him, removing the ice to show him her face. "I was just... I was having a moment by myself that's all."

Negan's eyes squinted and she could tell he had no idea what she was talking about.

"A 'girl' moment, I guess," she elaborated. "It's fucking stupid."

He smirked. "I'm becoming a bad influence on you. But I can't say the foul language from such a pristine woman like yourself doesn't turn me on a bit."

Alexandra smiled and sniffed in, and then stood to greet him more properly.

"You crying?" Negan asked, finally studying her face up close. He placed a hand on her cheek and drew his thumb gently under eye.

She sighed and nodded. "I was... a little while ago. I was just trying to take the bags out from under my eyes with the ice."

"What're you crying for?"

Alexandra shrugged again. "I was just thinking about things... about you... us." She ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. "I don't want these people gunning for you. It keeps me up at night."

Negan grinned wide, illuminating his boyish dimples. "Don't worry about me."

"I do, Negan." She nodded. "They're going to come for you... not for the community, or your men... you."

He laughed and looked at her. "I'm not afraid honey."

"I am." Alexandra sighed. "I don't want you to die."

"Like having me around that much huh?" He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-grin.

"Yeah... I do."

Negan put a hand back on her face, still smiling and then looked over his shoulder before kissing her once. "See, I thought our little rendezvous earlier might've snapped you out of this mood." He laughed, "Did you nap like I said?"

Alexandra nodded. "Yeah. Sometimes my mind wanders when I have free time like this... and everything that's happened lately." She shrugged.

He studied her a moment. "You know how to fight?"

"Fight?"

"Yeah, fight." Negan grinned again. "I mean I know you can throw a fucking punch. I saw that... but if something _did_ happen to me I want to know that you can hold your own out there."

"Don't say that." Alexandra shook her head.

"Know how to shoot a gun?"

She looked him in the eye and nodded. "Used to skeet shoot a lot with my dad, believe it or not."

"Atta girl." Negan nudged her. "Why don't you let me teach you a few things. We'll shoot. I'll teach you how to handle yourself in a fist fight... that kinda stuff." He smiled wider.

"I think you'll be surprised." Alexandra raised her eyebrows.

"So surprise me." He grinned.

She leaned against him and he let his arms fall around her. "When?"

"Whenever honey." He let her go and looked around again. "Can't have everyone seeing me act like this, ya know. I have a fucking rep to keep up."

Alexandra smiled and shook her head. "I get it."

Negan stared at her for a moment, studying her eyes. "Stop being so fucking sad, huh? I hate seeing you feeling like shit."

"I'm okay," she told him, "Really. I just needed to get it out."

He stared down toward her stomach and then looked back up at her. "You knocked up or something?"

Alexandra raised her eyebrows and then matched his smile with her own. "Wish I could give you an accurate answer for that."

Negan stared at her for a moment. "Pulled the fucking goalie, right?"

She gave a single chuckle at his phrasing and shrugged before getting slightly more serious. "What are you going to do if that does happen? People around here will know eventually."

He didn't look sure of an actual answer but responded. "Maybe it'll give people here a reason _not_ to kill me. Plus, it my time _is_ coming then you can help me leave my legacy." He ran a hand across her abdomen.

"Stop saying that stuff," Alexandra told him. "I know things can happen at any minute, but I don't want to think about you dying. I already do it enough." She looked at him.

Negan continued to smile, unphased by the cavalier thought of his own death. "I'm sorry honey." He winked. "You on board with all this shit then?"

She pointed to her stomach. "This shit?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yeah."

Alexandra sighed and gave a quick laugh. "Is it just about the legacy?"

Negan stepped forward and smiled, knowing how easily he could captivate her now from just a stare, a smile and a simple touch on the cheek. "You're the only woman alive that I'd fucking trust to do this shit with. Fuckin' crazy, I know. But someone's gotta keep the world going, and I'm starting to think I'd be a fucking idiot not to get in on a piece of that. A year ago, different fuckin' story. Maybe almost dying and meeting you.. fuck, I don't know. I had an epiphany I think." He laughed and eyed the ceiling as he realized what he was saying. "Shit."

Alexandra wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and kissed him as he looked back at her. "Okay then... let's do this crazy shit together."

Negan smiled wide. "That's my girl."


	23. All Out War - Part 1

Alexandra sat on Negan's lap in an oversized chair in the living room. He leaned an arm over to a small end table and scooped a spoonful of oatmeal. She smiled as he fed her a bite of the breakfast they were sharing and then helped himself to a handful of grapes in the bowl next to it.

In that moment she felt somewhat like royalty, gazing down at the silky black robe that Negan wore and the cotton, white one he had given to her. Since living with Negan she hadn't taken the time to ultimately compare their living arrangements and those of her former place. Not that the old room she stayed in was bad, but Alexandra acknowledged how different it was living with him.

"Open your mouth." Negan grinned as he spoke and Alexandra laughed lightly as he slid a grape into her mouth. He guided her face to his and kissed her. "It doesn't get much fucking better than this."

Alexandra sighed and rested a hand on the part of his chest that was exposed beneath the robe. "No it doesn't."

He slipped another grape into her mouth and Alexandra leaned down to kiss him again. Negan breathed in heavily through his nose as he allowed her to take the lead in a needy make-out session before two gunshots rang through the air from outside.

"What the fuck..." He stood up, picking her up as he did and then set her down on her feet like it was nothing.

Alexandra tailed him to the window where he pushed the curtains aside and peered out. "Who is it?" she asked.

"For fuck's sake!" Negan barked. He turned to her. "Stay inside."

"Is it Rick?"

He didn't respond, but began to get dressed and grabbed Lucille before slipping a gun and two knives into his waistband.

"Negan!"

"Get dressed," he urged, "In case you need to move fast." He turned to her and pointed just before he walked out the door. "And stay the fuck inside!"

Negan rounded up in main players, hurrying through the halls. He set up snipers in the windows and radioed to more of his men.

"He's demanding to talk to you," one of The Saviors explained as Negan appeared in the courtyard for a moment before returning to a building where Gregory was being held. Quickly, he pulled him out onto the roof of the building closest to Rick and took in the small militia that surrounded him.

"We're not giving you any more of our supplies!" Rick shouted. "We want to make a truce... the three communities and everyone here at The Sanctuary."

"Yeah... that's not going to fuckin' happen," Negan informed him, towing Gregory by the arm.

"The Hilltop stands with The Saviors," Gregory announced, looking out at the group of people, some of which was made up of his people. "If you're with The Hilltop, go now!"

"See I don't fucking think that the three communities are all on board with this shit Rick." Negan stared out at his adversary.

A few man exchanged glances with one another on Rick's side of the fence and then began to walk away.

"I'm sorry Rick... Aaron I'm sorry." Their voices could be heard as they made their way back in retreat.

Negan counted eight people and scowled, looking at Gregory. "Eight fucking people?" he asked, "That's it? I fucking thought your people were in the majority of this shit. They don't fucking listen to their leader and go?"

"I _thought_ they were," Gregory insisted, "But I guess there were only a few..."

"You're fucking pathetic." He grabbed him by the back of the shirt, leading him to the edge of the roof and then kicked him off without warning.

Everyone stared as The Hilltop leader's body hit the ground, and then Negan smiled and looked around with his hands out. "I'm sorry... I honestly fucking thought that my wildcard here would have saved more of your lives."

"Surrender!" Rick shouted.

Negan chuckled again. "You still don't know who the fuck you're dealing with, do you Rick?" He shook his head, and then put a hand into the air. Seconds later two men on Rick's side dropped dead from single bullet wounds to the head, caring of his snipers.

"Take cover!" Rick called out, hurrying to get himself out of the line of fire.

Negan looked to the side, seeing one of his snipers fall to the ground from his heighted position. He realized that Rick's group had an expert marksman somewhere in the mix as they spotted his own sniper. He hurried down as more gunfire began to sound off and bodies began to drop on both sides.

"Dwight!" he paced up to him upon reaching ground level, "Go get the men at our outposts. We need the fucking numbers."

"Yeah..." he looked away as he spoke. "I'll get right on that."

"Negan!" A Savior walked up to him with a parade of men. "The snipers are in cover. They're shooting blind."

Negan glanced up as several glass windows shattered.

"They're fucking guessing now," another man said.

Negan ordered them around to different positions in The Sanctuary before beginning to fire away with another small group of Saviors. He glanced up as walkers began to emerge from the trees and Rick began to order his people into small busses that lingered just outside the walls.

"Go, go, go!" Rick screamed, "Get in!"

"Fuck..." Negan stared at the walkers that converged toward The Sanctuary in a giant mob. He recognized that Rick's group must have known about them and caused the chaos that had ensued to draw them in.

"Negan!" Dwight hurried back in his direction. "Why'd we stop fucking firing?"

"I hope you have your shitting pants on." He nodded his head toward in the coming mob and watched as an oversized truck rammed through the fence that blocked them all from the threats of the outside world. As a large portion of the fence collapsed, the undead stumbled in toward the gates.

Negan cursed to himself, running toward the commotion and hurrying to open up the driver's side of the truck. When he got there he found it was already open, and a woman from Rick's crew was struggling to fight off several walkers. He fired a few rounds into their heads and then used Lucille to bash in the faces of several others nearby. He then scooped up the woman over his shoulder and hurried back toward the buildings as fast as he could, commanding his men to take cover as the undead flowed onto the grounds in a large herd.

"Take fucking cover!" Negan shouted as he went, finally making it inside.

"Put me down," the woman screamed.

"I just fucking saved your life," he told her, not listening as she struggled to get out of his grip. "And you just fucked shit up for us here. Right now, you're at my fucking mercy."

"If you're going to kill me just do it!" she demanded.

"Kill you?" Negan would have normally laughed but he couldn't with the immediate problems. "I want information honey. Killing you isn't a fucking option right now." He walked her to where Dwight and a few others stood. "Get her into the room where we had Gregory and then meet me the fuck back here."

The men agreed and Dwight took the lead in leading the woman away.

Negan looked back outside as walkers made themselves perfectly at home, ripping apart the members of the community that weren't fast enough to get inside. He shook his head angrily and pounded a fist against the wall. He climbed the stairs to his room, crawled out the window and began firing down at the ungodly number of the undead. When Alexandra climbed out after him he yelled at her.

"Stay the fuck in there!" he ordered.

"I'm not fucking helpless," she said back, beginning to spray bullets down, sending several walkers to the ground in the immediate area. Despite the successful hits it didn't appear to make a dent in the extreme amount that still lingered inside the grounds. When both magazines were empty Negan huffed and puffed, looking down at the madness that their sanctuary had turned into. He eyed the spot in the fence that had been hit. "We've got to work around the fucking clock to take care of this shit." He had the urge to kick something but there was nothing there to kick. "Fuck!"

Alexandra looked around and shook her head. "How many bullets is this going to take? We don't have enough."

Negan was seeing red, barely able to take in a comprehensive thought as they raced through his mind. He finally glanced over at Alexandra. "Get back inside," he said calmly. "Don't go down there until every one of these fucking things is dead, you hear me?" He stared at her intently until she nodded.

"Okay," she agreed. "I won't." What she wanted to do was make him say the same but she knew that wasn't about to happen.

"Now, I have to go figure out who the fuck that woman was that rammed the fence with the truck."


	24. Take It or Leave It

"You're with Rick, right?" Negan asked, sitting directly across from the woman who wouldn't give her name.

"We're all with Rick." She looked him in the eye.

He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smirk. "No, I mean you specifically. He's your guy, you're his girl."

She snorted a laugh. "No."

"I have a gut fucking feeling that you're not being fuckin' honest with me."

"If I'm speaking from the heart," she mused him, speaking in a cold, direction tone, "My heart belongs to Abraham."

Negan studied her hard, undisturbed stare for a moment and then cracked another smile. "If you fuckin' say so." He rose from where he sat and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" she pressed, but Negan didn't respond. He left her tied up in the room and headed back toward the building that faced the courtyard where a collection of his men had met. As he walked into the room they all straightened up, looking for some type of order. He studied their eyes - some angry, others scared, some confused.

"We're going to be working round the clock gentlemen," he explained, "We've got to clear these fucks out of here just as quickly as they came in. "Take two hours shifts, and then rotate. Use bullets only when you have to." He glanced out a window, seeing the undead lurking nearby with thoughtless, bloodthirsty expressions. "We've got to patch up that fucking fence." He grabbed a few men, assigning them leaders of groups in the same fashion he had when trapping Rick's people on the roads. The group leaders then chose their hours over the next two days and headed out into the courtyard in small teams with weapons of all kinds to take care of the walkers.

"Do you want to set up a meeting?" one of his men asked.

"I have more pressing matters to fucking attend." Negan headed back down the hall to speak with the woman from Rick's group.

He slowly opened the door to see David, one of his men, trying to assault the young woman. "You fucking piece of shit." He walked up and grabbed the man by the back of the neck, who began to plead for his life. "Are you fucking kidding me!" Negan bellowed. "Don't ever touch a fucking woman like that you fucking piece of shit!" He proceeded to reach for his knife, stabbing David in the neck repeatedly until his body collapsed to the ground. "Sick fuck!" He spit on him and looked at the woman again. "I'm so fucking sorry you had to see that shit. My apologies. But I don't tolerate that type of behavior."

She stared back at him in shock.

"You see..." Negan went on, touching his chest. "I'm not a fucking monster. I have rules. I have a conscience. I don't care if it's my men or yours, I will kill somebody if they do wrong. Understand that we aren't here to kill people. But we're going to do what we have to fucking do to survive." He made his way to the corner of the room and grabbed her some water, crackers and a piece of fruit. "Here. I'm sorry again about David." He motioned to the floor. "If I knew the fucker was a piece of shit I would have killed him sooner."

Without another word Negan left the room again and glanced out the windows as he paced down a long hallway. He was pleased to see that the shifts had started and walkers were beginning to get cleared from the courtyard. Men were positioned on roofs, covering those who worked on the ground and the tactics appeared to be working.

He made his way to the dining hall, thanked the workers for two plates of food and then headed toward his home. When he got there he set the food down at the table and looked around.

"Alexandra?" Negan looked around the empty space, checking the bathroom and the bedroom. "Alex!" he screamed and then felt a rush of relief when he heard her voice. He walked toward a half open window and stared as she picked off walkers with one of his rifles from the room. "What the fuck are you doing?"

She looked over her shoulder at him. "Helping."

"Get inside!" he demanded angrily, shaking his head. "What the fuck did I say to you?"

"Nothing is going to hurt me up here. The roof is flat. I'm far away from the edge."

"Inside." His voice was angry but low and he shook his head as she made a face before complying.

"Negan-" she began but he took the gun from her hands as she crawled back in through the window.

"You need to fucking listen to me," he cut her off.

"But-"

"Rick's people were shooting in the fucking windows," Negan reminded her, "If any one of them is out there in the woods with a fucking scope pointed at you, all it takes is the squeeze of a fucking trigger and that's it."

Alexandra looked up at him. "I can do things."

"You can only fucking do things if you're alive!" he shouted, turning his back to head back into the main room. "Fuck, I called your name fifty fucking times when I walked in here and you don't answer."

"How do you think I feel every time you leave?" she shot back.

"That's my fucking job. Yours is to stay here; stay safe."

"So, what, you don't think it would fucking ruin me if you died?" Alexandra shook her head. "Something is going to happen to you one of these times."

"It hasn't fucking yet, has it?" Negan stared her down.

"Not _yet_." She emphasized the last word. "But things are getting chaotic really fast."

"And after all this time I'm supposed to back the fuck down, is that it?" He shook his head. "When someone starts to attack us."

"No." Alexandra shook her head. She didn't have a comeback this time.

Negan could see she was visibly upset and he sighed, running a hand through his hair. There was a brief silence and he motioned to the table. "I brought you food," his voice was softer. "Eat."

She didn't argue, heading to the table and sitting down.

Negan walked toward the window and peered out again, shaking his head as he studied the number of zombies that lurked all around them. "This is going to be one hell of a clean up." He turned to her and sat down with a loud sigh. "What a motherfucking day."

"Did you kill Gregory?" Alexandra asked.

"The fucker survived falling off that roof," Negan explained, "Even made it on his own two feet to one of the busses. Fucking coward." He shook his head again and closed his eyes for a moment as he slumped down into the chair. When he reopened them he made eye contact with Alexandra, "Soon as the yard is clear of those fucking things," he explained, "I'm taking a group of our best over to Rick's community and we're going to war."

She stared at him. " _You're_ going too?"

"What did I just say?"

Alexandra shook her head and leaned back in the chair, setting the fork down on the plate.

"I told you being with me wouldn't be easy," Negan told her.

"I just want to _be_ with you," she looked at him and reiterated the phrase he'd said to her minutes before. "That can't happen if you're dead, can it?"

"I know I've asked a lot of you," he said, "There's a lot you have to accept since you're with me. It's unfair... I get it. But, if there's one thing I haven't said outright, it's that you have to accept the fact that I might not be here one day. That day could be tomorrow, next week, next-"

"Stop!" Alexandra shouted, "Okay, just stop." She shook her head and spouted off her inner thoughts. "What if we just leave? Get away from all this? Start over?"

Negan slowly smiled, and then laughed when he saw the serious expression on her face. "Where would you like to go sweetheart?"

"Anywhere."

"Did you fucking forget what the world is like out there?" he laughed again and ran a hand through his hair. "Shit..."

"We've adapted," Alexandra went on, "We know how to take care of the undead."

"Oh yeah?" Negan leaned forward, "What the fuck would you and I do if a herd like that," he pointed toward the window, "Approached us and we were living in some fucking tent out in the woods. What the fuck would we do then? And what about water? Food? Do you know how to hunt? Track an animal? Are you willing to eat the guts of a fucking snake if you have to?"

She stared back at him, knowing full well that she had a childish pout on her face. She knew he was right, but also felt like staying could end up being suicide if things didn't die down soon.

His face grew more serious. "And let's just fucking say you realize a month from now, if we fucking make it that long, that your consistent throwing up every morning isn't from the diet of snake and squirrel... and that it's because you're fucking carrying a child. Then what? Who the fuck is going to deliver a baby? Me?" He laughed at the thought, "Yeah, honey, you'd be as good as gone if I had to be your fucking doctor."

"Fine, bad idea," Alexandra shook her head. "We'll just stay here until somebody from Rick's camp, or the Hilltop or where ever assassinates you." She looked away.

"Why do you fucking care so much?" He shook his head.

"For the same fucking reason you told me to get off the roof." Alexandra pushed herself back away from the table and walked past him toward the bathroom.

Negan sat there for a minute staring at their full plates of food. He cracked his neck, feeling the stress from the day building up even higher around him. A part of him knew she was right - that someone, some day would probably be successful in killing him. He was confident in his survival abilities but the 'heavy lies the crown' saying repeated in his mind over and over.

He rose from where he sat, poured himself a drink, took a long swig and then set the glass down. When he heard Alexandra's quiet sobs from the bathroom he walked in and leaned on the door frame. His eyes were soft and he looked down for a moment and then back to her. "Don't cry honey."

Alexandra sat on the edge of the bathtub and shook her head. "You know it's true."

"No it's not," Negan walked over and squatted down in front of her so they were eye-to-eye. "Alexandra..." She looked up to him and he ran a hand down the side of her face before reaching down for her hands. "I've been through tougher times than this... this is what I do." He sighed, "I know it's fucking hard for you, and I wish I could make it so you never fell for me."

She swallowed and shook her head. "I don't."

Negan closed his eyes. "I honestly wish I had the fucking strength to walk away from you... for your sake." She opened her mouth to speak but he went on before she could "But, I don't. Selfishly, I don't. I want to spend every second of my alone time with you and I told you I'm not going to try pushing you away. It'll only fuck us both up." Negan could see there was a relief in her eyes as he said that, "That being said, I told you I wasn't going to change the shit that I do. I know it's fucking hard for you, but I have to keep doing what I do in order to maintain order over this fucking place... to feed the fucking people here. To feed us. To feed you."

Alexandra took a deep breath and nodded as she looked into his eyes. "I know. It's not fair of me to ask you to change... or to leave everything that you've created here." She took in a second breath to compose herself. "I just don't want something bad to happen to you."

Negan leaned in and kissed her. "This is who I am honey. Take it or leave it."

Alexandra let her hand drop to the collar of his jacket and then urged him back to her, kissing him again for second until she breathed out against his lips. She opened her eyes, seeing his closed as his forehead pressed against hers. "I would never leave."

Negan's eyes opened and he stared at her. "Then brace yourself." He took a deep breath, "Because I'm taking these men to war."


	25. Prince Charming

More and more walkers were removed from the courtyard. A day and a half went by and Alexandra hadn't spoken with Negan. Over the course of the night he hadn't come back to the room, though she saw him from a distance on several occasions commanding his men, overseeing the reconstruction of the fence and killing off the undead with Lucille.

She hung around in the main lobby tending to minor injuries seeing as though the medical building was off limits. A part of her began to worry if Randy had made it out when the attack happened because she hadn't seen him, though eventually he made his way from a separate building where he had been stranded and aided her in helping the people of the community.

By nightfall of the second day and still no Negan, Alexandra contemplated going out to find him but eventually he paraded in through the main door of the building where she had stationed a medical work zone and he eyed her immediately.

"Grab me some food." He looked at her, stating the phrase like a question and she nodded, rising from where she sat behind a small desk in the lobby.

Alexandra studied Negan for a moment. From a distance she was sure he appeared as tough as ever and even well-rested but up close she could see the bags beneath his exhausted eyes. Still, she watched as he walked toward their only place of refuge without a hitch before hurrying toward the food hall to get a big plate of food. Most times she didn't specify because she was sure it would lead to more talking than necessary, but Alexandra made her way straight to the main cook and looked him in the eye.

"I need a big plate of food for Negan. He hasn't slept in almost two days."

"You got it." The cook didn't question her and quickly put together a tray full of everything he had to offer.

"Thank you," Alexandra said with a nod. She hurried up to see him as fast as she could without dropping the tray and was surprised to find the main door open just a crack. "Negan?" she wandered in and saw him sitting at the table, leaned back in a chair with his eyes closed. He snored quietly every few seconds and she tiptoed up to put the food down. She wasn't sure whether to wake him so he could eat or let him sleep. When his head dropped back a few inches his eyes opened and he stood up abruptly as he was startled from his slumber.

"Hey," Alexandra said softly. She saw his facial features relax and then he saw the food in front of him.

"Shit..." He yawned and ran his hands over his eyes like a little kid just getting up in the morning. "How long was I out?"

"I just got up here with your dinner," she explained, "So it couldn't have been more than a few minutes." Alexandra made her way around the table and sat next to him. She ran a hand through his hair and closed her eyes as he leaned up against her, almost falling back asleep. "Why don't you go lay down?"

"Why do I fucking do shit?" he grumbled lowly.

She looked over at him as he continued to lie against her with his eyes closed. "What?"

Negan's arm dropped lazily onto her lap and he mumbled something incoherent before Alexandra could tell he was asleep again.

For a while she sat there running her hand over his head until she finally rose to her feet to try getting him to bed.

Negan's eyes flickered open and he stared at her as she stood with a hand extended in his direction. "It's still the same fucking night right?"

She nodded. "Yeah it hasn't been long."

"The undead fucks are almost fuckin' cleared out. Fence is almost up."

Alexandra nodded. She was eager to get things back to normal but equally as afraid to watch Negan leave with The Saviors to attack the others. "You need some rest. If you stay sleeping in that chair you'll get a stiff neck... or back."

"Nurse Alex." He smiled and slowly rose from where he sat.

She smiled but then looked at him more seriously. "You've been awake for almost two days."

Negan took a deep breath and closed his eyes before running a hand across his forehead. He unzipped his jacket and removed his boots before heading toward the bathroom. When Alexandra didn't immediately follow him he turned to her. "You coming?"

"Where?"

"Come make sure I don't fall asleep in the shower." His were tired but shined with the slightest hint of playfulness when he made the comment and she followed him in.

Alexandra glanced at the oversized tub. "Why don't you take a bath instead?"

Negan chuckled. "What am I fucking six years old?"

"I'll bathe you," she told him, raising her eyebrows.

He stared her up and down and then motioned to the tub. "You convinced me." Negan smirked lazily, but leaned an arm on the wall with his eyes closed as she began to run the water.

Alexandra stripped off her clothes as the tub filled up and followed him in. Negan sighed as he sat down and closed his eyes. "I may fall asleep," he warned her, sinking below the surface for a moment before emerging a few seconds later. "Feels fuckin' good. Why haven't I done this?"

"Sometimes it takes a woman's bright ideas." Alexandra smiled and rested her leg over his as she sat across from him.

Negan smiled and leaned all the way back, slicking his hair back once. He nodded his head toward a bar of soap. "Going to follow through with your proposition or what?"

She glanced over her shoulder and grabbed the soap before pushing herself across and running the bar over his chest in small circles.

Negan sighed and kept his eyes closed, keeping his arms outstretched along the edge of the tub. "I don't know whether to fall asleep or pull you onto my lap." He laughed, keeping his eyes closed and then rested his head back.

Alexandra smiled as she massaged his shoulders and dug her thumbs into every muscle of his upper body after running the bar of soap over his skin. She got closer, straddling him and hugged herself to him as she began to draw the soap across his upper back.

Negan's hands dropped loosely to her hips and he opened his eyes when he felt her breaths against the side of his face.

Alexandra made eye contact with him and leaned into a kiss he initiated.

"I'm so fucking tired I almost feel high or something," he confessed, drawing his thumb along her face and then through the damp ends of her hair.

She faced him directly, almost touching her nose to his. "You really need some sleep," she told him. "If someone came right now you wouldn't be able to do what you normally do."

Negan kept his eyes on hers and she left a soft kiss on his lips without breaking eye contact. "Can we make this shit happen before we go to war with Alexandria?"

She ran a hand down his face and rested it on his chest. "Make what happen?"

"I want you to have my kid."

Alexandra studied his face for a moment. "Are you saying that because you think you're going to die?"

"No," he answered honestly, shaking his head. "But if I do then there's still something fucking left." Before she could say anything about his untimely death remarks he kissed her again and gently trailed his hands from her face to her breasts before locking them more securely on her hips.

Alexandra looked down, carefully running her hands down his upper body before turning all of her attention to the area below his waist. She watched as his eyes closed again and he let out a breath through his nose as she touched him and teased him before pinning herself to him.

Negan allowed her to have control, enjoying the pampering nature of her treatment, even after they began to make love. She kissed his neck as she rocked slowly on top of him and them moved her hands behind her back to lock her fingers with his at the base of her back.

He sighed, saying her name quietly several times she attempted to pay attention to every part of him. Surprisingly she found herself at a climax before him, despite the slow, sensual nature of their embrace and clung to him tightly in the midst of the moment.

Negan felt her contract around him and dug his fingers into her back, giving her a drawn out series of kisses before she finally took a long, deep breath. "You okay doll?" He chuckled to himself and studied beads of water as she slowly ran down her chest.

Alexandra took another breath and nodded before laughing lightly. "Yeah."

He kissed her again and urged her to keep going, easily getting her back into the moment by kissing her neck and whispering a series of erotic questions into her ear as he began to move his hips up into her.

Alexandra complimented his movements, not wanting to fully pass the reigns over to Negan as she picked up the pace on top of him, grinding herself against him.

"Fuck, Alex..." He leaned his head back against the tub and closed his eyes as a familiar feeling rose in his stomach as he finished with a loud groan, grabbing the side of the tub with one hand and securing her around the waist with his other.

Alexandra sunk against him as he let out a few final breaths and Negan didn't move, wrapping his arms around her and keeping his eyes closed. When he finally readjusted to sit upright he looked at her. "Let's go to bed. After all this fuckin' shit I don't want to go out by drowning in a fucking bathtub after a good fuck."

She smiled and shook her head.

"What?" Negan eyed her as she got out of the tub and she threw a towel around herself. "You know you didn't fall for Prince fucking Charming, right?"

Alexandra tossed him a towel as he slowly got out of the tub. "I don't think Prince Charming could live up to what you do to me, Negan."

He smiled and looked down before wrapping the towel around his waist. "Can't say I don't enjoy a little fuckin' ego boost from time to time." Negan smiled wider as she continued to take him in. "You're looking at me like you're not fuckin' done with me yet."

She felt her face grow hot a bit and then looked down. "What can I say... those few days without you..." Alexandra shrugged.

Negan pulled her to him and kissed her once, laughing against her lips as she tried to ignite the kiss further. "I'm so tired I can't even get it back up right now," he told her, "If you beg me I'll give it to you good again in the morning."

She smiled against him and almost got lost in the moment as Negan teased her with a longer kiss before pulling back. "I can be pretty stubborn sometimes myself," she told him, "But the way I'm feeling right now... I'll beg." Alexandra kissed him hard for another second before allowing him to tow her to the bedroom. Neither one of them got dressed and Negan was asleep no more than two minutes after sliding beneath the covers.

She cuddled herself against him, the warmth from the bath water still clinging to their bodies. Alexandra began to toy with the idea of running away with Negan far away from this place again. Her thoughts soon entwined with her dreams as she slowly drifted off to sleep.


	26. A Couple of Beers

The morning was overcast and cooler. The undead were still being cleared but a majority had been put down over the half-week's sweep across The Sanctuary. The smell of burning filled the air and Alexandra took in a deep breath as she rolled over to see Negan lacing up his boots at the edge of the bed. "Going already?"

"Already?" he laughed, "It's eleven o'fucking clock honey."

"What?" She sat up and looked around.

"Relax. It's not like you have anywhere special to be." He chuckled, keeping his back to her for a moment.

"It's been six hours since..."

"Since I gave you the good fucking that I promised last night?" he laughed again and turned around to face her, "Yeah, you fell right the fuck back to sleep after that. Snoring and everything."

"I did not." Alexandra looked at him with a smile.

Negan raised his eyebrows, smirking wickedly and quickly pinned her beneath him on the bed, holding her arms above her head. Alexandra laughed and looked up at him.

"Why'd you get dressed?" she asked.

"Because I have shit to do." Negan grinned and pushed his hips against hers. "You want this shit even more than normal lately."

Alexandra couldn't deny it - not when he was on top of her teasing her and pressing his contained erection against her through his pants. She decided to be bold and freed one of her hands to undo the button of his pants.

Negan allowed her to and watched carefully as she pushed her hand inside the front of his boxer-briefs, grinning and closing his eyes. His other hand released hers and he hovered above her for a moment, allowing her to have her way with him until he finally backed away and got up off the bed.

"What are you doing?" Alexandra watched as he buttoned his pants back up.

Negan gave a laugh. "I told you, I have shit to do." He stared at her naked body for a moment, almost saying fuck it and joining her back in bed, but he decided to have a little fun with her.

"It'll only take a few minutes," she urged with a smile.

"Oh, wow, thanks." He gave a big smile, "Fuck." Negan shook his head and laughed to himself.

Alexandra laughed with him for a moment and glanced up at him. "You're really going?"

He reached for his jacket on the back of a chair and tossed it on. "Yeah. We'll resume this shit later." He leaned down and kissed her once, leaving his lips against her for an extra second. "Sometimes it's more fun that way." Negan kissed her once more and backed away.

"Alright." Alexandra stretched her arms above her head. "I should be getting down to the medical building if it's all clear now." She took a deep breath in through her nose, "Smells like they have fires going out there."

"Yeah." Negan put his hands on his hips and looked out the window. "I'll see you later on tonight."

Alexandra wanted to try keeping him there but knew they couldn't stay in bed all day. She didn't know why she was so enamored with the idea of keeping him to herself lately. As much as she enjoyed their intimate life, she had been craving him on a different level since the night before. The feeling had trickled over into the morning and she couldn't wait to see him again. In the back of her mind she remembered reading something once about women getting those feelings when they wanted to get pregnant, and she hoped maybe that was already in the midst of taking place and somehow messing with her hormones.

 _Who knows_? she thought, trying not to dwell on it.

She tossed the covers aside and quickly got dressed before heading down to the building. Like before, she told Randy to go seeing as there wasn't much going on. People hadn't left on supply runs since the walkers had taken over and everyone had been hunkered down for days. There was nothing really to treat.

The smell of the fire reminded her of bonfires she'd had with friends and family before the world had turned into the world of the dead. She could faintly smell the scent of the dead in the mix, coupling her good memories with those that were slightly darker.

Alexandra let her mind drift to her old life - she though of her college days, the classes and the parties. She remembered how tough but rewarding medical school was, and the great internship she'd gotten to go hand in hand with it. Alexandra had the hopes of being a pediatrician, and was knocking on the door to that fate when the world as they knew it abruptly stopped.

She thought of a man she had gone out on several dates with before the outbreak. He was handsome, young and had been a doctor for three years when they met. The two of them got along and things had been going well based on first impressions. Alexandra wondered what would have come of their budding romance had the world not died. Would they be married? Still dating? Broken up after a month? She had no idea really and didn't press it too much in her mind.

Her thoughts drifted back to Negan. When comparing the two, despite the 'perfect on paper' description of her former dating interest, Negan made Alexandra to forget the man's name. In reality, to her, there was no comparison.

Was it crazy to be head over heels for a man like Negan? Possibly. But the way she felt around him was incomparable to anything else she had experienced. He was raw, he was real and he made her heart flutter at times, and ache at others. Alexandra wondered, if the two of them had been single and available, would they have ever been able to make it work in the real world?

 _He was married_ , she reminded herself. _This is all theoretical, Alex_.

Alexandra smiled to herself as she daydreamed of her past and of her potential future. She had always wanted children and now it was a real possibility despite the outrageous circumstances. Like Negan, she hadn't seriously even considered it a year ago. Now that she and him were battling the elements of the world together she was ready and on-board.

She knew in 'the real world' deciding to have a child after being together for less than a year was crazy. In the world of the dead and the undead, however, things were different. Feelings were different. Negan had said it himself that no one had made him feel the way she did since he lost his wife Lucille. He hadn't planned on actually feeling again. It happened so fast and naturally that neither of them could fight. With that, Alexandra felt that her emotions and decisions were justified. She loved Negan, and she could feel that he love her with the same crazy intensity.

Alexandra looked down at her stomach and wondered what was to come. She knew she could already be pregnant but hadn't felt anything out of the ordinary that would give her any type of indication one way or another. She sighed and wandered into the bathroom to throw some cold water on her face. Despite sleeping in so late she felt a little tired and tried to wake herself up.

 _I'd kill for a coffee right now_ , she thought.

For a moment she stayed in the small bathroom and stared at her reflection. She almost let herself become overwhelmed by the plethora of possibilities that could be coming her way. She stopped herself when she thought of Negan being killed and began to walk back down the hall toward the main room.

The dark nature of the day gave the interior of the building a more eerie presence, particularly now that she was there alone. Alexandra rarely allowed herself to get spooked, considering there was death and monsters literally all around them, but she felt her intuition kicking in just as a hand clamped down over her mouth from behind.

Her scream was muffled and she twisted to try to fight but recognized Negan's laugh from behind as he brought her closer against him. "I had to, honey," he said with a laugh and then released her.

Alexandra spun around to face him, breathing heavy and then slammed a hand down on the front of his jacket, laughing just after with relief. "What the fuck..."

Negan grinned wider and couldn't help but laugh. "I still have to teach you how to fight," he reminded her, and himself. "Fuck, if I really was a guy who wanted to attack you you'd have no fucking chance." He let the thought plague him for a minute before looking back to her with a softer grin.

"I think I needed that," she told him, "I was getting so bored in here I was falling asleep."

Negan pulled her back to him, turning her around so her back was against his chest.

Alexandra closed her eyes as he slipped a hand down the front of her shirt and the other down the front of her pants. He then bit down gently on her earlobe before running his tongue up and down the edge of her ear.

"This is my place of employment. I could get fired for this," she teased, leaning her head back against him as he began to kiss and bite down her neck.

Negan chuckled, but didn't stop. "Well, I'm the fucking boss... so you should probably do what I want." He put his foot in between hers, pushing one of her feet to the side to separate her legs.

Alexandra moaned lightly as his fingers glided over the most sensitive parts of her.

Negan took her hand and placed and placed it on the outside of his pants. "I can't focus when I'm fucking like this," he whispered against her ear.

She struggled to blindly undo his belt with her hand but managed to get it free and then spun around when Negan released her from his grasp. She crushed her mouth to his as she frantically undid the button and zipper.

Negan tossed his pants to the floor and kissed her hard again before speaking heavily against her lips. "Take your pants off."

Alexandra did as he asked and sighed loudly as he pinned her back against the wall before picking her up by the backs of her legs so she sat in his hands before pushing himself inside of her.

"Oh fuck, Negan." She wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and rested the side of her face against his as he moved in and out of her, moaning with each movement he made.

His breaths were choppy and uneven, groaning when he pushed into her with a little extra force.

Alexandra's hands clutched his leather jacket and the desperate sounds he made sent euphoric chills down her back.

The sound of the door opening and closing made Alexandra snap back to reality and Negan stopped, turning his head at the same time as her. Her stomach turned in knots when Randy entered the building and then turned his head, covering his eyes as he did with a string of apologies.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." he put his other hand up and headed into the first room he could find.

Alexandra hadn't realized that her mouth had dropped open and she turned back to Negan who was breathing heavy against her.

"This is going to have to wait until tonight." Negan lowered her to the ground and pulled up his pants with a painful expression on his face. "Get dressed."

She felt her face grow hot at thought of what Randy might say and readjusted herself so everything was back to normal.

"What's this kid's fucking deal?" Negan whispered, letting out a long, deep breath.

"What do you mean?" Alexandra whispered back.

"He trustworthy?" Negan glanced to the side where light filtered out of a room. "If I send you to The Hilltop when you get pregnant is he going to fucking say shit to fuck it all up? You're pretty fucking private about shit, and I like that. But if enough people know about us then the more likely it is that people will know that _that_ is mine." He pointed to her stomach.

"I don't think he's going to be a threat or anything." She said quietly and sighed, "Other people must know about us... besides Dwight and your guards."

"Not as many as you'd fucking think." Negan looked down the hall again. "He going to give you a hard time?"

Alexandra shrugged. "This is so embarrassing," she whispered.

Negan looked again and kissed her once before wandering down the hallway. Alexandra didn't know what he was going to say or do to Randy, but she felt her stomach beginning to turn in knots. She began to trail him down the hall and heard Randy trying to plead his case before she entered the room behind Negan.

"Calm the fuck down, kid, Jesus." Negan put up a hand to shut him up.

"I can leave," Randy offered, making just a quick second's worth of eye contact with Alexandra who abruptly looked away.

Negan patted him on the back. "As of right now you have the rest of the fucking day off." He smiled, studying Randy's posture. "When's the last time you had a drink?"

"A... a drink?" He swallowed hard. "Like a drink-drink? Alcohol?"

Negan glanced over his shoulder at Alexandra with a grin, and then looked back to Randy. "Yeah, kid. A fucking drink."

Randy shrugged. "I can't remember."

He waved him toward him. "Come on, then, Randy. You're going to help me start a fire to get rid of these undead fuckers out here and then you and I are going to play a little ping-pong and have a couple of fuckin' beers."

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

"Do I look like I'm making a fucking joke?"

"N-No... no." He shook his head, stuttering nervously.

Negan laughed out loud and smacked his back. "Lighten up." He smiled and looked back at Alexandra. "Think you can hold this fuckin' place down without your co-worker here?"

Alexandra was completely confused by their interaction, but agreed with a nod. "Yeah. I'll be fine." She made eye contact with Randy, who looked at her almost fearfully.

"Great." Negan used his head to motion to the door. "Let's go Randy."

Slowly he walked out of the room a step in front of Negan and turned. "Sorry Alex."

Alexandra felt a little bad for him, as he almost said the words like they might be his last. "It's... uh... it's fine."

Negan turned to look over his shoulder and winked at her before the two of them headed out of the medical building.


	27. Night Terrors

Negan tossed Randy a bottle of beer and took a long swig of the one he opened for himself.

"So..." Negan put his hands out to the side with a smile, "You a fucking doctor before all this shit?"

Randy took a sip from his beer, sighing afterwards and looked at the bottle as the bubbles floated around.

"Fuckin' good right?" Negan chuckled.

"That was the best thing I've had in awhile." Randy took another sip from the bottle and then looked back to Negan. "I was almost done with med school."

"Where?"

"Tufts."

"No shit..." He nodded and took a seat next to the ping pong table. "Good for you kid."

"Yeah... Doesn't make a difference now."

"Sure it fucking does. You've been a real fucking asset to the community. We're lucky to have the two of you."

Randy looked surprised. "Me?"

"Both of you." Negan overemphasized the first word.

"Yeah, no, of course... yeah... sorry."

He grinned and rose from where he sat, setting the beer bottle down on the ping pong table. "You ever play?"

Randy shook his head. "Not since I was a kid." He picked up the red paddle and flipped it around. "Beer pong, now that's a different story."

Negan chuckled and reached for the blue paddle. He pointed toward a small box on the ground behind Randy. "Grab a ball."

Randy followed where he pointed and came back with a white ping pong ball. He bounced it once on the table and caught it then looked to Negan.

"Loser has to shotgun a beer," Negan told him. "You know how to fuckin' do that?"

Randy grinned. "Yeah." He took a long swig from his beer and then set it on the ground by the table.

Negan motioned with his hand. "You can start the fuckin' game."

He bounced the ball again, familiarizing himself with the bounce and then put the ball in play.

Negan held back a bit, hitting back and forth with Randy before finally slamming it hard past him.

"Shit..." Randy gathered the ball and then served it up again.

They hit back and forth for awhile, deciding to play the game to 21. By the end they'd each had a couple beers and Negan came out victorious, beating Randy by ten points, knowing he could have easily beat him by more. Still, he wanted to butter him up a bit and make him feel important so he wouldn't be a problem. Negan did acknowledge the importance of having an ample and competent medical staff, particularly when a war was brewing.

"Guess that means I shotgun a beer," Randy said, looking more than eager to do so.

"Think you can handle a fuckin..." Negan turned his head to read the label. "Pabst Blue Ribbon."

"Cheapest beer around." He smirked as Negan tossed it to him and then punched a hole in the side before popping the top. Foam and beer sprayed from the sides as Randy tried to down the drink as fast as he could.

Negan laughed, watching him struggle but felt his bonding with the young doctor had been a success. "Toss the can in the same box where you found the ping pong shit." He motioned toward the floor and then walked to a cabinet that hung on the wall to remove a small, wooden box. "Look, kid..." Negan removed a pair of cigars from the box and handed one to Randy, "I know I've been pulling Alexandra away from the building at my leisure, and let me fuckin' remind you that I'm fucking allowed to do that shit." He looked at Randy more seriously but softened up when he gave a nervous nod. "But I want you two to work together. She says you're probably the closest person to her here so keep the peace. You two are the fuckin' backbone to this thing. When my men out there eat shit you're here to patch them up. It's an underappreciated position in this ugly fucking world but you're damn good at it."

"Thanks..." Randy cleared his throat with a big smile. "Thank you." He eyed the cigar in his hand and Negan lit the end that had already been cut. He then proceeded to light his own and patted him on the back again. "Let's head outside so the kids that come in here to play don't have to fuckin' inhale this shit."

Randy was shocked to see that he cared about that and nodded, hurrying after him as Negan walked toward a set of double doors that led back outside. He motioned to a picnic table. "Sit."

He did as he was asked and the two of them sat together watching the fires burn all around them, shooting the shit like two old friends.

Alexandra kept looking out the window as no one made their way down to the medical building, aside from one unlucky Savior who had a nasty burn on his arm from getting to close to the fire. Aside from that, her day had been dull - aside from the unfinished tryst with Negan.

When she saw Randy sitting at a picnic table nearby with a cigar and Negan just to his left a hint of relief filtered through her body. She smiled to herself, nearly laughing, as they appeared to be bonding. Having Randy on her side was crucial, and it seemed like Negan was playing a different card than he typically did. A part of her wished she was a fly on the wall so she could hear what they were talking about. Still, either way, it appeared like whatever had taken place between them was a good thing.

Alexandra smiled and her thoughts drifted back to Negan. She thought of the build-up to their relationship, replaying their earlier moments in her mind like reruns of a favorite TV show. Even the heartbreaking moment when he tried to push her away. Now, she looked back and knew that that moment was one of the most crucial in their relationship. She could see in his eyes that day that he loved her - despite his cold, untrue words.

She couldn't wait for night to fall so she could sleep with him. There was nothing like the feel of his arm draped around her as he slept, or the feel of his breaths on her shoulder when he laid behind her. There were no sweeter moments for Alexandra - not in the world they lived in. The moments in Negan's room felt normal; comforting.

Negan walked back in hours later far different in his tone. He gave a passing smile and pulled the curtains in the room where Alexandra sat to give her a long, needy kiss. He then reached past her toward the counter for a handheld radio. "You're off duty."

She wanted to know what had happened with Randy but she figured she would ask later.

"No one needs to stay here?"

Negan held up the radio. "We're on call if something happens." He slid an arm over her shoulders and kissed her forehead as she leaned into him. "I just want you to know that I'm taking a big group to Alexandria tomorrow."

She looked up at him, wanting to protest but she decided she had to let him do what he intended to do. "Okay."

Negan pulled her tighter against him and then stopped for a moment before they exited the building. He paused, looking down for a second before glanced back toward Alexandra. "I'm not very good at talking about this type of shit. I never have been... and I've done some bad things, bad fucking things... But I do, uh..." He cleared his throat and looked around as if to make sure no one else could hear him. "Fuck..." Negan shook his head, "I care... about you.'

Alexandra managed a small smile. Negan didn't smile back. He pushed the door open and allowed her out ahead of him.

The walk back to his place was quiet. Most people had turned in for the night but there were the random people still out and about. The undead were mostly gone, though some bodies were still be burned.

As they entered through the front door Negan turned toward Alexandra. "Do you want this? I haven't directly asked."

"What?"

"You're going to be the one carrying the thing. You're going to have to go through the fuckin... pain and shit." He pointed to her stomach.

"It scares me how much I want it," Alexandra told him. "It's going to be even scarier if it actually happens, but I want to." She looked at him as he shut the door behind them. "Will you still..." She hesitated.

"What?"

"Will you still be as attracted to me?"

Negan chuckled. "Why the fuck wouldn't I be?"

Alexandra shrugged. "I don't know."

"Don't fuckin' worry about that shit, okay?" He took off his jacket and unzipped his pants, making her smile first and then laugh lightly. "Now... we have some unfinished business to fuckin' attend to." Negan sat down on the couch as his pants dropped around his ankles. "Since your friend there walked in last time and fucked shit up."

Alexandra stripped down and climbed on top of him. "What happened with that?"

Negan strung kisses along her bare chest and then leaned back to look at her. "You know how fuckin' hard it was to walk around all day after that shit?" He chuckled, "I made the kid feel good about himself, told him he was a great asset to the medical staff, played a game of fuckin' table tennis and had a few beers."

"That was it?"

He nodded. "Gotta know what card to play with your staff to keep 'em fuckin' happy and in line."

"You're so smart." Alexandra leaned down and kissed him.

Negan kissed her back more aggressively. "You going to let me fuck you a couple of times tonight?" He whispered before kissing her again.

Alexandra sighed against his lips. "As many times as you want."

"Mmm..." He moaned into her mouth and grabbed a hold of himself so she could lower herself into him. When he felt her hands grab the top of the couch behind him he closed his eyes and took the center of her breast into his mouth. "Take the fuckin' lead honey," he whispered before continuing what he was doing.

Alexandra leaned back slightly for a moment but Negan pulled her face back to his, kissing her with more aggression. "Fuck, I love you," he choked out in a husky whisper before connecting his lips with hers again.

She wanted to echo the phrase as Negan didn't say it often, but she couldn't when he continued to kiss her hard as they carried on.

Alexandra's dreams should have been sweet that night but they weren't. The nightmares she had were far too vivid. The boy from Rick's camp, Carl, was the one to take Negan's life in her dream. He stood with a gun pointed at Negan's chest from point blank range and fired several shots into him. When Negan laid on the ground, a smirk on his face despite the pain, Carl stood above him, this time with a large knife. Negan didn't plead. He accepted his fate and waited as the boy taunted him with the knife. From somewhere close by Alexandra watched but couldn't speak with Negan or Carl. She could only be a spectator of his death as Carl stepped on the side of his head and plunged the knife downward.

"Alex...Alexandra..." Negan's voice woke her up before she could witness his fate in her night terror.

Alexandra breathed heavy and sat up in bed and then looked over at him, feeling a burning in her eyes.

"Are you alright?" he was sitting up beside her and studied her face in the dark.

"Yeah..." She put a hand to the damp skin beneath her eyes.

"You were fuckin' crying in your sleep doll." Negan grinned in the same fashion as her dream, but put a hand soothingly on her cheek.

Alexandra breathed in heavily for a moment and dried her eyes. "Bad dream." She let out another deep breath and slowly laid flat back on the pillow.

"Is it better if I don't fuckin' ask what it was about? Not that I don't have an educated fuckin' guess..."

She shook her head, feeling tears lingering in the corners of her eyes from the realistic nature of the images. "I'm sure you can guess." Alexandra turned so her back was to him and hugged her pillow.

Negan wrapped himself around her, slipping one of his feet in between hers. "Stop worrying about me dying."

Alexandra's shoulders heaved up and down once as she breathed in again with a louder sigh. "It must just be because you're going to Alexandria tomorrow."

"With an army fuckin' behind me," he reminded her.

"I'd rather then be in front of you."

"Nah, then the fuckin' tiger would get me if I'm the last one," he joked with a chuckle.

Alexandra didn't laugh. She shook her head against the pillow. "You said the kid scared you... Carl."

"Kid's a warrior. Ice in his fucking veins."

"He's the one that killed you in my dream."

"You said it yourself when he was here," Negan said, "He's just a kid. I mean maybe five years from now he'd be able to fuckin' kill me if he wanted to... he'll have more years of this shitty world fucking him up and lots of vengeance flowing through him. Rick on the other hand..."

"That's comforting."

"Alexandra." Negan kissed her shoulder and then laughed against her ear. "Tomorrow night I'll be exactly where I am right fucking now. We'll be safer once we rough 'em up a bit. They won't expect what we have coming."

"I hope so." She placed her hand over his on top of her stomach.

"I know so."


	28. All Out War Part 2

Alexandra woke up an hour or so before sunrise and glanced over at Negan beside her. He slept on his back with a hand on his bare chest with his head turned slightly in her direction.

She studied his trim beard, his pillow-tossed hair and listened to the quiet breathes that filtered in through his nose and mouth. Negan's chest rose and fell every few seconds with each inhale and exhale.

The lingering smell from the fires outside lingered in the air but there were no sounds at the early hour. Alexandra turned on her side and stared at Negan with a heavy heart for a moment before forcing herself to turn the other way.

This time she cried silent, conscious tears, trying not to make too much noise in her sniffles in. Alexandra thought again about propositioning him to leave with her, but she was sure it wouldn't work.

Alexandra closed her eyes and tried to sleep, letting Negan's words echo in her ears.

"I'll have an army behind me," he told her with a reassuring confidence that radiated so naturally out of him.

He would still be confident if it was him against the world, Alexandra thought. She managed a smile thinking of that aspect of Negan's personality. There was no one like him that she had ever met in her life.

Alexandra turned to face him again and soon her heavy eyes closed and she drifted back off to sleep. When they opened again the sun was up and Negan's arm ran up and down her arm.

"I didn't want to wake you because you looked so fucking..." He couldn't think of the right word to complete the sentence. A smile crept onto his face.

Alexandra smiled back and ran a hand down his cheek.

Negan cleared his throat. "I just wanted to wake you up before I left."

"Don't leave," she with a groggy smile.

He laughed and propped himself up on his arm. Alexandra laughed lightly and smiled when he allowed her to run a hand through his messy hair. "I'll be back some time tonight."

Alexandra grew slightly more serious. "How do you not get nervous?"

"I'm a man." Negan winked and then slid out of bed to get ready for the day's events.

Alexandra sighed and rose to her feet, trailing him out of the room. She watched as he got ready and sighed, not realizing how prominent the pout was on her face.

Negan carried on with his morning routine and then finally walked up to her with a grin. "You do know I've been doing this shit since well before you and I met right?"

"Yeah." She nodded, running her hands up his arms. "Just be careful."

"If I get a chance I'm going to try to round up a little gift for you."

Alexandra chuckled. "A gift?"

"If I can find it." Negan tapped under her chin with his first two fingers and then smiled again before kissing her once.

Alexandra reached for his leather jacket and helped him slip each arm in before he spun around to face her as he zipped it up. "Thanks doll."

She smiled, encamped by his scratchy voice when he threw terms of endearment her way. "You're welcome."

Negan hugged her for a moment and then pulled back to face her. "Now I don't want you getting all sad and shit from what I'm about to say." He put a hand up to her mouth with a chuckle as she was about to speak. "But if something did ever happen to me out there I need you to promise me one fucking thing." Negan moved his hand away from her mouth.

Alexandra never broke eye contact. "Anything."

"You take care of yourself and the baby if there ever is one. You suck up your pride and get yourself to The Hilltop to get taken care of. Don't tell them about me for your own safety."

She hated the idea of all of it but the safety part, but agreed with a nod. "Okay," she said solemnly.

Negan pulled her to him and kissed her hard with a grin. "But nothing's going to happen and I'll be back tonight... hopefully with something for you." He separated himself from her and grabbed Lucille. "I'll see you tonight honey."

Negan walked out the door as if he was going to a typical 9-to-5 job. Alexandra watched him go, always just a little shocked by how little it phased him. She hurried to the window to watch him go, studying the mass amounts of Saviors who had gathered in trucks and cars.

When Negan emerged among them Alexandra kept her eyes on him until he finally blended in with the crowd. She frantically struggled to keep her eyes on him and felt a rush of emotion when the cars disappeared behind the walls and drove off to take on Rick and the others.

Negan was purely battle-minded and led his men toward the walls of the Alexandria community. The woman who had rammed the wall in the truck was with them and sat in the back with a bag over her head.

When they arrived at the gates Negan hopped out of the car, armed with grenades and tossed one up and over the walls of the Alexandria Safe Zone.

A loud explosion from the other side put everyone on edge and ready to fight. When Rick emerged with a small group, Negan called for their bound comrade in the back seat of the truck.

"I'm not here for a fight," he claimed, grabbing the woman by the arm. "I'm here for peace." He had two of his men return her and studied Rick's movements as a woman just behind him made her way to aid in the exchange.

Rick looked skeptically at Negan, particularly after the assault on The Sanctuary. Negan almost smirked back.

When the bag was removed from the woman's head, Rick's people in the immediate area jumped back as they saw that their old friend was no longer human, but a walker, as she bit down on the other woman's arm.

"No!" Rick shouted, running toward the two of them.

Negan waved his arm at his men, "Attack!"


	29. Covert Operations

Negan threw grenade after grenade over the walls of Alexandria as his men stormed in on Dwight's instruction, opening fire.

"This could've all been fuckin' avoided Rick!" Negan gloated, "If you just held up your end of the fuckin' deal." He tossed another grenade and then reached for his gun and began to unload.

He heard the screams of an Alexandrian with his leg blown off in a blast and others gathered to help him.

"I didn't fucking want any of this shit," Negan repeated.

A grenade flew back over the wall and he watched as it killed one of his men instantly.

Negan didn't hold back, continuing on with his assault on Rick and the others. He raided a few homes, taking necessities as his men did the same and finally crossed into the medical building, shuffling through supplies to take what they needed.

He moved stealthily through the streets with men to cover him on both sides. When they arrived back by the trucks bullets began to fly in all directions, some leaving bullet holes in their cars.

"What the fuck..." Negan turned and fired his gun, noting Dwight's entire group, aside from himself, were dead.

"What the fuck!" He wanted to grab him by his neck and demand to ask what happened but he couldn't in the moment.

Negan commanded his men back and as a group of Alexandrians emerged on them.

"Let's go!" Negan ordered, staring around at the smoke that rose from the streets of Rick's community. He could hear the screams of the wounded and decided they had done enough on their first counterattack. There was more to be done, but Negan didn't want any more of his men dying when they had won the battle.

He hurried into his truck as his men did the same and barreled away from the chaos.

"Half of those houses on the main road were burning," a Savior noted from the passenger seat. "We've got 'em on their fucking heels now."

"I need to know what the fuck happened to Dwight's crew." Negan looked in the rear-view mirror and saw the trucks following him. "We fucked 'em good, but we have to make another stop."

"Where?"

"Old factory building." He turned, "Got a genius over there manufacturing ammunition." Negan grinned. "I'm thinkin' he's going to be workin' for us soon."

...

Alexandra sat at the picnic table just outside the medical building with a handheld radio next to her. She hoped to hear Negan's voice at some point just as an indicator that he was still alive.

Sarah, the young diabetic girl, wandered over to sit beside her. "Got any candy?" she smiled.

Alexandra smiled back, comforted by the incoming company. She patted the seat next to her. "I'll go grab you a couple lollipops."

"I don't really need one," Sarah confessed, "I just kinda want one."

She stood up with a little wink. "I'll get you one anyway." Alexandra took the walkie-talkie with her and then hurried back with the treat for the girl. "Here you go."

"Thanks." Sarah unwrapped the pop and then looked at Alexandra, "Are you bored or sad? I can't tell."

Alexandra smiled and chuckled. "Bored," she lied.

"I call bullshit." The young girl raised her eyebrows and Alexandra laughed.

"You shouldn't be saying that word."

"No offense, but it's the end of the world." Sarah shrugged and then toyed with the radio's antenna. "You love Negan... don't you?"

Alexandra turned to the girl. "You have a lot of questions."

"Aren't you going to answer them?"

She laughed and shook her head. "No."

"That means the answer to my question is yes." Sarah crunched down on the side of the pop sending shards of it in all directions.

"You are wise beyond your years." Alexandra smiled, thankful now for the girl's company to interrupt her angsty mood.

"He'll come back... he always does."

"Yeah..."

Static sounded off on the radio and a man's voice came over the small speaker. "Outposts be on your toes," the unfamiliar voice warned, "The attack was a success but there are men down. Counter attacks aren't expected... Alexandrians are fucked up and blow to bits, but shooters took out a whole group of our men. Be alert."

Sarah exchanged a glance with Alexandra, and then they listened as another voice responded with a simple, "Roger that."

"I wonder who kicked the bucket," Sarah said. "Betcha it's Dwight. He's been flaky lately."

Alexandra chuckled despite wondering that herself. "You pay attention to a lot, huh?"

"It's how I've survived." She crunched down on the lollipop again, finishing it of and then flicking the stick to the side the way she did before.

Alexandra picked up the radio and listened for more chatter but there was nothing.

"If it was him that died they would've said it by now," Sarah told her. She slowly removed the radio from Alexandra's hands, who allowed her to do so. "Want me to ask?" She put the radio up to her lips and gave a mischievous grin.

"You just want to talk on the radio," she said with a light laugh.

"Kinda... but they'd probably tell me if Negan was alive."

Alexandra shook her head. "No... they'll be back."

Sarah smiled and placed the radio back down on top of the picnic table. "Maybe I'll be a doctor some day... or a nurse... whatever."

"You should." She smiled. "I can show you some things if you want."

"Really?"

Alexandra nodded. "Yeah."

"When you retire I'll take your place."

She laughed. "That sounds like a plan."

"Where's Randy?"

"You know his name, too, huh?" Alexandra smirked when she nodded. "He has the day off."

"Good... because I'm sick of hearing him bitch and moan."

She laughed a little louder. "Where do you hear these things?"

"Negan... and the others."

"When are you around Negan?" Alexandra was amused by the young girl's quick, witty responses.

"I try to practice being sneaky... ninja-like." Sarah smiled, "I follow him around sometimes."

"Why?"

She shrugged. "Bored at first. And I wanted to see if I could get away with stuff." Sarah shrugged. "And he's the boss so he must know what it takes to survive, right? Might as well watch him."

Alexandra shook her head and then laughed to herself again. "He hasn't seen you?"

"Not yet." She raised her eyebrows. "You won't tell him, will you?"

She shook her head and held out her pinkie finger. "I won't. I promise."

Sarah linked her finger through Alexandra's. "Good... because I have too much fun doing it."

"Just don't repeat anything that you hear."

"I'll half promise you that." She grinned.

Alexandra gave her a look.

"Okay..." Sarah chuckled, "No F-Bombs but the rest... no promises." She picked up the radio as if she was going to speak into it again.

She shook her head slowly with a grin. "Radio down." Alexandra sighed and looked toward the main gates, almost giving her the go-ahead to radio in to see if Negan was alright, but she didn't. She hoped and assumed they might be on their way back to The Sanctuary.

As if they shared some form of telepathic connection, a deep, scratchy voice came over the radio that Alexandra would have recognized anywhere. "John, we're makin' a quick pit stop East of Alexandria," Negan's voice radioed out. "Send two cars for backup."

"10-4," a second voice answered.

Alexandra picked up the radio, partially relieved that Negan was in radio range but equally as tense that he said they were making a pit stop. She almost hugged the piece of equipment to her chest, but refrained. Every impulse in her wanted to respond just to talk with him. His voice alone sent chills down her back and she wanted him home that much more.

 _Loving that man has made me crazy_ , she thought. Alexandra couldn't remember a moment of downtime that she hadn't thought about Negan. He was her priority, even above herself though she would never tell him that because he would scold her for thinking that way.

"You love him," Sarah said simply with a smile.

"You're too young to be talking about love," Alexandra said with a laugh.

"Well usually if you kiss someone it means you love them."

She raised her eyebrows and gave a barely there smile.

"Plus," Sarah added, "I almost got bit by a damn undead freak when those people broke down our walls. If I don't get to be in love one day because I turn into one of them, I have to live vicariously through someone."

"That's a big word." Alexandra laughed and reached into her pocket. "That deserves another lollipop."

"I'll have to remember that for next time and start flipping through a dictionary in the library."

She laughed again.

"So tell me... why do you love Negan? I have to admit he's pretty funny to listen to but sometimes he's mean, he swears a lot and I've heard him talk about bashing people's heads in with Lucille."

Alexandra looked at her. "You shouldn't be hearing about those things. Maybe you shouldn't be sneaking around doing your covert operations by following Negan."

Sarah looked at her and then let a slow smirk spread across her face.

"What?" Alexandra asked.

"Do you love him because he kisses you?"

"He doesn't do that."

"Yes he does. I saw him do it before you left the building the other night." Sarah pointed to her pocket. "If you give me another lollipop I won't tell anyone else."

"I'll give you another lollipop if you agree to stop following Negan around."

She drew her hand back. "No deal."

Alexandra laughed again and then looked at her younger counterpart. "Why don't you come inside and I'll teach you how to wrap up somebody's ankle if they have a bad sprain? I can train you to be my assistant."

Sarah looked around and then nodded. "Alright." She jumped up to her feet and began to follow Alexandra inside, towing the walkie-talkie with her. "Just in case he comes back on." She handed it to Alexandra.

"Thanks." She smiled and the two of them headed in to the medical building to kill some time.


	30. One Week

Alexandra felt as if she was the luckiest person on the planet each time Negan arrived home. She felt he was like a cat with nine lives, or had some kind of guardian angel on his side. She tried not to think of the potential negatives that could happen, and all the 'what-if' possibilities. From the chatter on the radio the rest of the afternoon and evening, followed by Negan's safe return with most of his men, she assumed everything went according to plan.

Sarah returned to the medical building when she saw the men return and hurried to Alexandra, who sat outside on the picnic table. "They have a guy with funny hair with them," she informed her, standing on top of the table on her tip-toes, "His hands are tied behind his back so he must be the enemy. What's that hairstyle called?"

"A mullet," Alexandra replied.

Negan wore a smile as he marched a few steps ahead of the man while two people had him on each side. He glanced over toward Alexandra and winked with a smirk before continuing on his way more stone-faced.

Sarah turned to Alexandra with a smile. "Okay... he's got a nice a wink, I'll give you that, but I hope he didn't make you fall for him like that. You have to see a guy's tricks from a mile away."

She laughed and shook her head. "You should probably start getting ready to turn in for the night."

"Can I help you with some nurse stuff tomorrow?" Sarah asked.

Alexandra nodded. "Any time you see me down here you can stop by."

She held out a hand. "Deal."

The two of them shook hands and Sarah turned to go, but looked back. "Tell me what he says."

"What who says?"

"Negan...tell me what happened at Alexandria and who the man with the funny hair is."

Alexandra shook her head with a smile. "Go to bed."

Sarah rolled her eyes and hurried away back toward her building, glancing over her shoulder several times along the way. Alexandra stayed put until Negan made his way toward her.

"Told ya I'd be back." He raised his eyebrows and put a hand on her waist for a moment, wanting to kiss her but he held back out in the open.

Alexandra stared up at him. "Everything go okay?"

"Just fuckin' fine."

"Good." She, too, wanted to kiss him but she nodded toward the medical building and he followed her inside.

The second they entered Alexandra turned to him and kissed him hard, causing Negan to push her up against the wall for a moment before he stopped.

"I need to get some fucking food first," he told her quietly with a laugh. "And then you're mine for the night." Negan gave her another needy, long kiss. "See isn't it great when things go as planned?"

Alexandra smiled and drew a hand along his face before giving him a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Mind getting dinner for us?" He asked.

"Of course." Alexandra touched her lips to his a final time before they separated and headed out of the medical building.

Sarah sat on the picnic table where she'd been with Alexandra and smiled.

"Ain't it past your fuckin' bed time kid?" Negan asked with a big smile.

"Negan..." Alexandra looked at him.

"What?" He chuckled as Sarah did.

"I'll leave you two alone." Sarah hopped down off the picnic table and scooted back toward the her home.

Negan looked to Alexandra. "What was that about?" He laughed.

"My new sidekick," she replied, raising her eyebrows.

Negan subtly massaged the back or her neck. "I'll meet you upstairs."

Alexandra nodded and quickly made her way to get their food. When she arrived at the door Negan appeared to be waiting as he swung the door open just as she got there.

He took the food from her and placed it down on the table and then turned and gave her a long, closed-mouth kiss.

"I haven't told you enough that I fucking love you honey."

Alexandra smiled. "I love when you say it," she whispered as he kept her close.

He dropped his hands to her waist and touched his nose to hers just before he kissed her again. "I got something for you."

"Oh yeah?" Alexandra chuckle against his lips.

"Yeah." He parted from her to grab something from a chair where he'd hung his jacket.

"What's this?" Alexandra took it from his hand and then put a hand over her mouth with a light laugh. "Where did you get this?"

"Don't worry about it."

She looked up at him and chuckled again.

"I know women have their own biological fuckin' weird ways of knowing if they're... knocked up." They shared a laugh from his choice of words. "But maybe this can be an accurate way to find out."

Alexandra stared at the pregnancy test in her hand. "Should I take it now?"

Negan shook his head. "Only got one fucking shot with this." He took it back from her. "So let's give it another couple weeks."

"A couple weeks?" Alexandra smiled and put a hand out to the side. "I want to know now."

Negan smiled and looked down and then back up. "I'll compromise."

"I'm listening."

"Let me fuckin'... mmm..." He pulled her against him. "Give me a few tries tonight... and over the course of the next week or so."

"And then I can take it?" Alexandra accepted his kiss and then arched her neck a bit as he began ravage her neck.

"Yeah..." He muffled against her neck. "Just tell me before you do."

Alexandra moaned an agreement and closed her eyes as he brought his lips back to hers. She began to reach down his pants but he pushed her hand away.

"I'm taking the lead tonight," he whispered. "I want to fucking give it to you good."

Alexandra accepted his tongue as he fought for dominance against hers. She gave in and melted against him.

"God, I want to know now," she said again.

Negan pulled back. He held it out. "If you really fuckin' want to-"

"No." Alexandra smiled. "No I'll wait." She took the test from his hand and placed it on the table. She slid her hand down toward the front of his pants again and Negan didn't resist this time. He looked her in the eye as she touched the lowest part of his stomach and then sighed quietly as she let her hand sink below his waist, beneath his pants.

"You want it?" He whispered, closing his eyes for a brief second before looking back at her again.

"Yeah," she said quietly back, glancing up from his waistline to meet his lustful stare.

"Tell me how bad you fucking want it."

Alexandra opened her mouth to speak but he kissed her again.

"You drive me fuckin' crazy, Alexandra," he whispered against the side of her face.

"I fucking want it," she whispered back, securing her grasp on him a little firmer, making him moan. The tone of her voice even surprised her.

Negan grabbed her face with one hand and kissed her hard. "I fucking love you." He let his eyes flicker open and saw her intense stare burning back into his eyes.

"I love you too."


	31. Have You Ever Seen the Rain

Negan sat at the table with a map laid out in front of him and called Alexandra to him when she returned with breakfast for both of them.

"You know the area?" He asked, pulling the chair out next to him so she could sit.

"Kind of... it's been awhile since I've really left."

Negan studied the different zones where the communities were scattered. "I wish there wasn't a fucking war going on or I'd take you around to ways out of here in case of a fucking emergency." Negan ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. "And you should know exactly how to get to The Hilltop."

Alexandra studied the map, seeing where Negan labeled The Sanctuary.

"Can you read a map?" He asked, looking over at her. "Or are you part of the strictly GPS generation?"

"I can read a map. My dad refused to use GPS so I was his co-pilot on longer trips."

Negan pointed with his middle finger, drawing an invisible line on the paper. "See this road? You take it south all the way and then a left at this junction here."

She nodded. "I see."

He looked back at her for a moment. "I have a car stashed away for you. People know where it is but the keys are in a drawer over here." He stood up and crossed the room to a desk and removed a set of keys from the top right drawer.

"What type of car?"

"Black GMC pickup." He tossed the keys to her. "I'll show you where it is today."

"Okay." She nodded and swallowed and then looked at him as he continued point out roads and show her ways out of the area.

"I'm originally from this area." She pointed to the area of the map that was the farthest north. "I know this area and the area north that's not on the map."

"Good."

"We should plan an exit strategy."

Negan looked at her with a serious expression. "If shit ever goes down here thats out of control you have to get out."

"I would look for you," she admitted.

"If there's time fine." Negan didn't fight her, "If not you get to the truck and go."

"Okay," Alexandra agreed, noting in the back of her mind that she wouldn't leave the compound without looking for him first. It was the only white lie she attempted to tell him.

Negan studied her expression and let a slow smile spread across his face.

"What?" She asked.

"You're so fuckin' full of it."

"No I'm not."

Negan looked her in the eye, still grinning. "Tell me honestly right now that you'll go in case of an emergency without trying to fucking find me."

Alexandra stared into his eyes and then cracked a grin and shaking her head.

"You're so fuckin' stubborn." He pulled her face to his and kissed her once. "Come on, let me show you the truck."

Alexandra smiled at him and Negan shook his head, trying to keep a disapproving look on his face but he finally snickered and pointed toward the door. "Let's go."

They wandered toward a back area of The Sanctuary where Alexandra had never been. Trees hung over the grounds, giving it a more ominous feel. It almost felt forbidden to be back there.

Negan looked over his shoulder once, seeing no one and put his arm around Alexandra's shoulders. She leaned into him as they walked toward a big gray building.

"It's a little creepy back here," she admitted.

Negan chuckled. "We were surrounded by the walking dead a day and a half ago and this fuckin' scares you?" He grinned at her. "And not to mention you're with me doll. I wouldn't let a fuckin' army hurt you."

Alexandra slipped an arm around his waist and smiled back at him.

"What's in here besides the truck?"

Negan kept his arm around her, opening several locks a thick, steel door with his other hand before pushing through into a small, dark hallway. He towed her by the hand to a second door with just as many locks as the first.

When he unlatched the last bolt he reached around the corner and flipped on a series of switches that illuminated the large open space. Toward the very back by a large bay door was the black truck and Negan pointed. "There she fuckin' is." He grinned.

Alexandra looked all around the place. There were toolboxes and shelves and large safes lining the walls.

"Weapons and mechanic-type shit," Negan explained, seeing questions running through her mind. He walked her toward the truck, "I'll show you how to get out of here. There's a few locks on either side of the bay door."

"Okay." She nodded and followed.

"The keys to open all these doors are on the ring with the car keys. I'll mark 'em so you know what's fuckin' what."

"You don't need them?"

"No." He grinned at her. "You ain't gunna fuckin' lose 'em are you?"

"No."

"What're you so tense for?"

"I'm not," Alexandra insisted.

"If you say so doll." He walked up to the bay and showed her how maneuver the locks. "No keys for this shit. Pull the handle out straight, drop it down and then lift."

Alexandra watched his movements and then he motioned to a second one.

"Here," he pulled her gently by the waist in front of him. "Do the lower one honey."

Alexandra struggled for a second but tugged harder on the lever and repeated Negan's movements.

"Same thing on the other side."

They walked over and Negan allowed Alexandra to do the other two that released the door with a light bounce.

"That wasn't bad," she told him.

"Nope. Now just throw the door up in the middle from the handle and you're fuckin' out of here."

Alexandra nodded and took a deep breath. "Got it."

Negan latched them back up and then pulled her to him, kissing her once. "Now let's see if you can start this fucker up."

She laughed lightly. "I think I can manage that."

"I don't know. It's been awhile." Negan winked.

"It had been awhile for other things before I met you and I think I did just fine in that department... unless you disagree."

He laughed louder and nodded, "Better than fuckin' fine."

Alexandra smiled at him and then took the keys and got in the truck anyway to start it up. Negan hopped up onto the running board and motioned for her to roll down the window. He leaned in and smiled wide as she purposely revved the engine.

"That's it doll," he encouraged, still grinning.

"I miss driving." She smiled and eyed a sleeve of CDs. "Music... yours?"

"It's whatever was found along the fuckin' way." Negan pointed, "Put something on."

"This one's self labeled with CCR." She held up.

"Please tell me you know who that is honey."

Alexandra shrugged.

"Fuck..." He laughed and she tossed it in the CD player in the center console. When a song started playing Negan hopped down and opened the door, extending a hand.

"I can't dance," Alexandra took his hand anyway.

"Just follow my lead." Negan helped her down and pulled her against him.

"What song is this?"

"Have You Ever Seen the Rain," Negan smiled and swayed with her as he began to sing along with the lyrics of the Creedence Clearwater Revival song. "Someone told me long ago... there's a calm before the storm... I know, it's been coming for some time."

Alexandra laughed as he spun her around and pulled her back against him.

"When it's over so they say... it'll rain a sunny day. I know... shining down like water." Negan kissed Alexandra as the chorus began to play.

"Is there anything you're not good at?" She smiled when he kissed her again.

"No," he laughed and kept her body moving with his as they danced around the empty space.

Alexandra laughed as Negan pushed and pulled her gracefully around to the fun-natured song that was perfectly in between fast and slow. She smiled each time he sang the chorus and enjoyed seeing a more carefree side of him that he wasn't able to show often. He continued to sing, showing off his dimples as he smiled and gave her a wink. For a brief moment Alexandra imagined the two of them hopping into the truck, playing the song on repeat and heading far away from The Santuary, The Hilltop, Rick and the rest of it.

Regardless of where they were, or what was to come, Alexandra cherished the rare normal moment, dancing with Negan in their own private space. It was a moment that would stick in her mind forever.


	32. Can't Stay Mad

"So who's the guy you brought back yesterday?" Alexandra asked as they walked out of the warehouse. "Is he still alive?"

Negan eyed her for a moment. "I don't enjoy having to kill people."

"I know."

"Yes, he's alive."

"I'm sorry." She shook her head. "That was stupid."

Negan sighed and locked up before answering her question. "He manufacturers ammo. He was part of Rick's group. I want him to work for us but who the fuck knows."

They began to walk away but the two of them turned when they saw the handle on the door begin to move.

Negan pulled out a gun from his waistband. "Get behind me a few fuckin' feet," he said quietly and then proceeded to unlock and open the door.

"Don't shoot!" A young voice called out, and Negan let out a loud sigh before tucking the gun back into his pants. "Jesus kid... what the fuck are you doing in here? I almost just shot you."

"Sorry." Sarah held her hands up over her head.

"How the hell did you get in there?"

"I followed you," the young girl admitted.

"Sarah!" Alexandra shook her head. "You can come wandering back to spots like this alone."

"I wasn't alone... you guys were here."

Negan looked at her for a moment, still angry but he cracked a smile and then gave a brief laugh. "Shit kid... You've got an answer for everything." He looked at Alexandra. "Thank fuckin' God it was just the kid and not someone trying to fuckin'-"

"Negan..." She shook her head and motioned to Sarah.

"Oh, I don't care." Sarah shook her head and Negan looked to her as she stared him down.

"Where're your parents?" He asked.

"Dead," she replied quickly.

"Who takes care of you."

"My sis... sometimes."

Negan looked back to Alexandra for a moment and then to Sarah. "Since you like to wander around like you own the place, I'm going to give you some busy work so you stay the hell out of trouble."

Sarah finally held the pout of a kid her age being scolded. She didn't answer.

"You're going to go with Alexandra down to the medical building over here and you're going to learn shit from her... think you can manage that shit without getting in trouble?"

Sarah put her hands on her hips and nodded. "Yeah... I can manage that shit."

Negan wanted to laugh but refrained. "If you come out this way again I'm going to make you clean out all the bathrooms instead, you understand?"

"Gross... even the fuckin' toilets?"

"Especially the fuckin' toilets."

"Ugh... okay."

Alexandra had her hands out to the side and looked at him while shaking her head.

Negan cracked another smile and looked back to Sarah. "And watch your mouth." He turned and walked toward Alexandra as the three of them began their march back toward the center of the community. Negan put his lips up to her ear and spoke as quietly as possible. "I almost asked for a fuckin' blowjob when we were in there, thank God I didn't huh?" He chuckled.

Alexandra snickered and shook her head. "That would have been bad."

Negan looked over his shoulder at Sarah as she trailed them. "This the first time you followed me?"

Sarah glanced at Alexandra for a moment and then back to Negan.

"I'll take that as a fuckin' no." He shook his head. "Jesus if I don't even know a kid's following me I have to step up my shit." He allowed Alexandra and Sarah ahead of him as they crossed through an open gate that lead to the courtyard. "Alright I have to go deal with Eugene."

"Who's Eugene?" Sarah asked.

"Don't worry about it." Negan shook his head again and looked at Alexandra. "For the rest of the day I'm making her your responsibility."

Alexandra smiled. "That's not so bad."

"Yeah..." He switched his focus to Sarah. "One wrong move kid and you're on-"

"Bathroom duty... I know."

Negan gave a subtle wink to Alexandra and then headed where he needed to go.

"Come on." Alexandra waved s hand to Sarah. "You have to stop following him."

"Do you dance a lot like that?" Sarah twirled around in a circle.

She grinned. "No. I haven't danced like that... ever." Alexandra eyes her, "Ya know... you shouldn't be spying on people."

"I won't do it to you anymore," she agreed.

"Or Negan."

Sarah crinkled her nose. "Fine."

Alexandra smiled and tossed an arm around her. "Come on... let's do some medical stuff."

* * *

Negan barely looked at Alexandra as they ate dinner across from one another. He quickly ate the vegetables on his plate and finished up some spaghetti before downing a bottle of water and taking a shot of Captain Morgan.

Alexandra studied his body language and finally rose to her feet as she finished eating. "What's going on?"

Negan looked back at her. "Got some info from Eugene."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah..." He stared at her for an extra second.

"Is that it?"

"The survivors of Alexandria are in shambles..."

She nodded and when he didn't continue she pressed him harder for information. "So, what's that mean?"

Negan looked like a boy who had just been caught doing something wrong. He scratched the back of his head and let a smile slowly spread across his face. "Just covered our weapons in the blood of the undead... going to, uh, head back there to put the final fuckin' nail in the coffin."

"When?" She tried to hide her disappointment.

"Tomorrow or the next day at sundown."

Alexandra nodded. "That's why you didn't say two words over the last hour." She shook her head. "When did you decide to go back."

"After talking with Eugene."

Alexandra nodded at him. "Do you care if you die?"

"What the fuck kind of question is that?"

"An honest one." She stared at him. "They're on their heels, they're weak..."

"And that's exactly why were attacking again now rather than when they've fucking recovered." Negan raised his voice slightly. "This isn't over, Alexandra, and if we strike again now we have a less likely chance of going down. Leave the tactical shit to me."

"Let's just get out of here." Alexandra let her fear own her words.

"Fuck, we've had this conversation. We can't... not now."

"We'll all I know is that one day you're not going to come back... and I'm not okay with that."

Negan sighed and poured himself another drink. "They have less people this time than the last."

"We're you even going to tell me?"

He got defensive and held his arms out to the sides. "I told you an hour after I made the fuckin' decision... shit..." Negan shook his head and then Alexandra took a deep breath as she knew se was stepping in his toes a bit.

"I'm sorry." Alexandra shook her head.

Negan sighed. "I don't want to put you through hell but this is what we're doing. We have to."

She nodded and turned away, unintentionally staring at the clock on the wall. "I'm going to bed."

Negan followed her into the room and sat down on his side of the bed, removing his shirt and pants before clicking off the light on the nightstand.

Alexandra laid on her back staring at the ceiling next to him.

Negan over pronounced the way he laid to face her. "You regret falling for me?"

"No." Alexandra shook her head, not turning to look at him.

He tried to push her buttons a bit to get her to look at him. "I think you do."

Alexandra fell right into the little game he was playing and turned to him. "It's the exact opposite really. I love every minute I spend with you, Negan. So having you run off to attack everyone all the time just makes me a little fucking nervous. Do you understand that?" She let her agitation show in her tone.

"I can't go out there knowing you're mad."

"Okay so don't go."

"Let me rephrase that... I can't go out there with a clear fucking head with you mad at me."

Alexandra tried to place him in her shoes for a moment. "If you decide that tomorrow night is the time, I'll be laying her by myself wondering if you're dead or alive."

Negan smirked at her. "Keep a radio by the bed and turn it to channel 9. I'll talk to you through there. No one talks on that frequency."

Alexandra stared at him. "You'll be in radio range?"

"I should be, yeah." Negan put a hand on her face. "I'll carry a second radio just for you. Just don't come on there first... and don't say I love you or any shit like that."

She compromised with a nod. "Fine."

"Hey..." He smiled. "You're my girl... you gotta be tough."

Alexandra managed to smile when he winked at her and then accepted his kiss on her lips.

"Don't be mad at me doll." Negan slipped an arm around her waist. He smiled when he felt her loosen up against him. "I know you want to smile and you're trying fucking not to." Negan chuckled against her lips and then kissed her several times in a row, interrupting her each time she tried to speak.

Alexandra finally laughed. "That's not-"

"All is fair," he cut her off before she could finish and then rolled himself on top of her. He glided his hands toward her waist beneath the covers, carefully slipping his fingers inside the band of her underwear on either side of her hips and slowly began pushing them down. "Let me make it better." Negan chuckled lightly and urged one of her legs to the side using his knee and settled himself between her legs.

"You know when you want to stay mad but you can't?" Alexandra asked. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes when she felt his fingertips dancing along her inner thigh.

"That's what I'm going for here," he whispered huskily into her ear before penetrating her with his first two fingers. When she sighed against him he chuckled. "Is it working?"

"I hate you," Alexandra joked, smiling as he continued what he was doing. She squeezed his right forearm and closed her eyes again.

"You fucking love me," he said back, pushing his fingers deeper into her. Negan studied her expression as her hand clutched his arm a little tighter. He kissed her, shoving his tongue into her mouth, not stopping what he was doing.

Alexandra locked her legs over the backs of his. "God Negan," she gasped as he stopped for a moment and struggled to remove his boxer-briefs. When there was no more barrier between them she hugged him against her body and was surprised when he didn't up their intimacy right away. Negan's hands roamed her body, making her shiver with pleasure and he trailed kisses in between her breasts.

"Take it tomorrow," he whispered, lifting his head slightly to face her more directly.

"Take what?" Alexandra's eyes fluttered open and she stared into his swollen, dark pupils.

"The test. Take when I'm gone so I have something to look forward to when I come home." Negan kissed her again, this time finding himself just in the right spot to push himself up inside of her.

She let a breath out through her nose and half-smiled. "Okay."

Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-smile. "Still mad?" He rocked his hips once slowly, grinning as she moaned lightly.

Alexandra looked him in the eye. "No."

"Good." He kissed her again and continued making it up to her in the best way he knew how.


	33. The Big Test

"Dwight!" Negan marched across the courtyard with Lucille in hand. "Did you get the roamer blood on the arrows of the crossbow?"

"Yeah." Dwight nodded and shifted his weapon from one shoulder to the other. "Are we ready?"

"Yeah, we're fuckin' ready."

An army gathered in cars and trucks as the sun lowered in the sky, leaving the very top various shades of blues and purples.

"Are we doing anything about Eugene?"

Negan shook his head. "Not yet. He's safer here than there if they don't do what I say." He waved a hand toward an approaching vehicle and motioned to Dwight. "Get in. We're going to set up camp out in the woods near the communities and approach once the sun fully sets."

He nodded and jogged up to the car. Negan waited until he was inside and the truck pulled up toward the front gates before heading to the medical building where Alexandra waited for him.

"So, this is it huh?" She sighed and managed a smile.

"Just another fuckin' day at the office." Negan didn't look around like he typically did. He kiss her on the lips once and Alexandra pulled him back for a second. "I'm probably going to be out through the night."

"Got your second radio?"

Negan lifted the bottom of his jacket up to reveal a handheld radio clipped to his belt. "Go about your night. Don't fuckin' worry about me." He guided her forehead to his lips and left a single kiss there.

"I love you."

"I love you too Alexandra." He winked, smiled and then exited the building, weapon in hand.

Like always she watched him disappear behind the walls that led to the dangerous world outside. She reached into the pocket of her pants and stared down at the pregnancy test he had found. A part of her wanted to take it that second but she decided to wait until Randy came in to take over for the night so she could be up in the room alone when she found out the result.

...

Negan's men set up camp and then waited in the tree line for night to fall. They could see the gates of the targeted community and it wasn't long before Negan called them on to march forward. The Saviors were prepared and ready, though when Negan reached the gate a young man in his early twenties confronted him. "The Saviors are here!" he shouted, and then glared at Negan.

"Let me talk to Rick," Negan demanded.

"Go!" the young man shouted with a scowl. "The war can end now. If you try to do anything further you're going to die."

"Why don't you wander on back there and get Rick for me... let the adults fuckin' talk."

"I'm fucking talk to you," the man pressed on. "You're going to get killed if you don't walk away now."

Negan turned to his men with a nod and with a single bullet the man fell down dead with a gunshot wound to the head.

"Let that be a fucking lesson to the rest of you!" he shouted at the men guarding the front wall. "I will kill every fucking one of you here if I need to. I don't want to... but nothing I do makes me uncomfortable." Negan paused, sighing in annoyance. "Now... where the fuck is Rick? This shit's going to get ugly real fuckin' quick if I don't get to talk to him."

"I don't know who you're talking about!" a voice shouted from behind the closest building to the wall.

"Fuck this shit," Negan said to himself, glancing down at Lucille in his hand that was covered in walker blood. He approached one of his soldiers, "Drive the fucking truck through the gates then." He hopped in the bed as the truck barreled through before gunfire erupted on both sides.

Negan hopped out, marching on the front line across the grounds, killing anyone who posed a threat in front of him. He found Dwight. "You fire your fucking crossbow at Rick if you see him. If the blood from the undead gets inside of him he'll turn. He'll be as good as fucking dead."

Dwight wore a scowl but nodded and pressed on, killing the opposing soldiers in his path.

Negan saw an opportunity and grabbed Dwight by the arm as he let up on the trigger of his rifle. He pointed to where Rick and Aaron had a several of their men backed into a corner with no idea that the two were approaching behind them.

"Your arrows have the undead blood on them?" he asked again.

Dwight nodded and Negan pointed toward Rick.

"What?" Dwight asked, already knowing what he was commanding.

"Shoot the fucker!" Negan demanded. "You have a clear shot. His back's to us and he's going to kill our fuckin' men." They paired up and walked closer. "Fucking shoot him Dwight!"

Dwight hesitated and raised the crossbow. He closed his eyes for a moment and then pulled the trigger, sending an arrow flying into Rick's midsection.

Aaron spun around and immediately grabbed Rick as he fell to the ground.

Negan removed a gun from his hip and began shooting, causing The Saviors behind them to take cover. Aaron dragged Rick behind the wall of a small building and Negan let out a single laugh.

"The roamer blood she get into Rick's bloodstream." Negan nodded with approval at Dwight, "The shit will spread. He'll turn. Without him these people are fucked." He patted him on the shoulder. "This is a big fuckin' victory."

The members of the community began to retreat, locking themselves in houses and buildings. Negan and several of his men approached the door closest to them. "A door isn't going to fucking stop us!" he shouted.

A round of gunfire from an upstairs window made him jump back. A man to his left dropped dead and then he took cover as more bullets were fired off.

Negan knew the people were on their heels and had limited ammo. Rather than get more of his men killed he ordered them back, noting that they had won the battle again. "Get to the trucks!" he ordered Dwight first, and then the others. "We're going back to the camp we set up."

As the gunfire ceased Negan made his way to a truck and hurried out into the woods with his men, gloating of their victory over the survivors. He was beginning to feel like his plan was working and that soon things would be back on the right track.

...

Alexandra sat with her legs crossed in the center of the bed with a book next to her that she hadn't been able to bring herself to read. In her left had was the radio that she had been waiting all night on to hear Negan's voice like he promised. The silence made her heart heavy and she almost cried from the anxiety.

"That's a wrap for the night." His voice came over the small speaker and Alexandra sprung up to her feet, holding the radio. "Negan?" She already knew it was him, and couldn't think of anything logical to say. Relief clouded her brain and she felt tears in her eyes when she heard his laughter over their secret radio frequency. "Give me a 10-4 if you can hear me, doll."

Alexandra smiled and wiped a single tear that escaped from her eye. "10-4." She laughed to herself when she released the button.

"That's my girl."

Alexandra bit down on her bottom lip and smiled to herself. She wanted to pepper him with questions. When are you going to be home? Are you still spending the night at the camp? Is it over?

When there was no more communication between them she tried to just be thankful for the confirmation that he was alive - and she was. With a deep breath, she walked toward the bathroom, deciding now was the time to take the pregnancy test that Negan had agreed to let her take that night. If the result was positive it would take all of her will-power to not get on the radio to tell Negan the news. Still, she knew she had to for both of their sake.

Alexandra opened the drawer where she placed the test earlier and stared down at it in her hand. She placed the radio on the vanity by the sink and closed her eyes. A better form of anxiety began to build in her chest in the seconds leading up before she finally went ahead and took the test.

Every part of her felt like things were going to work out the way she wanted them to, but she knew there was the possibility for disappointment.

Alexandra let her foot tap in a nervous tick against the tiles of the bathroom. She glanced at herself in the mirror for a moment, almost refusing to look down at the test in her hand.

 _Just look_ , she encouraged herself. Alexandra took a long deep breath and then glanced down at the result.


	34. Turncoat

Negan's camp was small and efficient. There were minimal supplies, but enough to feed his small army. They sat around a fire, already taking turns with who slept and who kept watch. There wasn't much fear for the enemy, as they had been put back on their heels in the battle. With Rick thought to be mortally wounded, confidence was something that lingered amongst the Savior soldiers.

"A couple of our guys snuck Eugene out of The Sanctuary," a Savior claimed as their group settled in the woods. He looked to Negan who shrugged it off, pleased by his suspicions of Rick's death.

"I'm not overly worried about that shit," Negan told him, "The guy'll probably get fucking killed when we go back down there. I'm just waiting around until the fever kicks in and Rick turns into one of them." He hesitated and stared at the fire that was brewing inside a collection of stones. "Then we'll head down there and pitch our next compromise." Negan looked around for Dwight, who was nowhere in sight. He assumed he was sleeping somewhere but didn't look into it.

"When are we heading back?" another man asked.

"We'll stay here and monitor things... give it a day." Negan nodded and looked around at the faces around him. "At sundown tomorrow we'll head back to the gates."

There were nods all around and Negan looked around again for Dwight. When he didn't see him, he headed into a tent to take his turn to sleep. For a few minutes he laid there thinking about the fight and what would come of it the next day. He was sure that Rick was in the process of turning into a roamer. If that indeed took place and his theory of soaking their weapons in the undead blood proved to be true, no one would touch the people of The Sanctuary again.

 _I think we've got this war won_ , Negan thought. He closed his eyes and did his best to drift off to sleep.

* * *

Alexandra wished she could have shared the moment with Negan, and almost regretted that she didn't wait for him to return to take the pregnancy test. She checked the test several times before it truly registered inside of her that she was pregnant... with Negan's child.

The mind-blowing nature of the event was more than she could comprehend and her heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. This was another one of those moments when she wished she had a close girl-friend to confide in so they could gush over the news together while she waited for Negan to return.

"I'm pregnant." Alexandra said the words aloud and it felt all the more real. It was a scary thought, but exciting and amazing just the same. She began to wonder if she would have a boy or girl. What names would they choose?

She felt like she was on cloud nine and toyed with the radio in her hand. Alexandra wanted to press the button and shout out the news. Realistically she knew he was probably surrounded by his men, and the risk of them hearing the news was one that she couldn't take.

She laid down in the center of the bed with the lights on and smiled to herself. The only thing that would make the moment better would be having Negan at her side. She hated the idea of sleeping without him but the fact that she had great news to greet him with was all she needed at the moment.

Alexandra sighed and smiled to herself as she hugged her pillow. She imagined what his reaction would be like and hoped that he would be home the following day to share the feeling with her.

She smiled, picturing him rattling off a string of elated profanities with a big grin before kissing her and joking around with her, possibly picking out names that might work.

Alexandra imagined he would want to have a boy. It just seemed like something in his nature. She, however, didn't care one way or the other. The baby would be a part of both of them and that was enough.

She let out a quiet laugh and then finally reached for the light. As much as she wanted to sleep, the excitement about the baby, the stress knowing Negan was out in the middle of a war zone and the loneliness without him there to sleep next to were enough to keep her awake.

The pregnancy began to override everything else. How could it not? Alexandra saw how confidently Negan paraded in and out of The Sanctuary and he made it back safely each time. Why should this time be any different?

She put a hand over her stomach and smiled. As long as Negan made it back safely this would go down as one of the best times of her life.

* * *

Dwight wandered down toward the front gates of the community and asked to speak with Rick. He had taken precautions as he left The Saviors camp, assuring no one had followed him.

"Are you alone?" the man at the gates asked.

"Yes." Dwight looked over his shoulder into the darkness and looked back at the man. "I'll give up my weapon. I shot Rick... but we were supposed to engulf our weapons in the blood of the roamers so whoever was hit would turn. I didn't do that, and because of that Rick is alive. I hit him in a spot where I knew he wouldn't die."

A woman walked up behind the man, emerging from the shadows. "Why should we believe you?"

"Lady..." Dwight breathed in heavily, "If Negan and his people want to attack you they will. I'm here firing off a warning shot so you people have a chance." He looked her in the eye and handed over his weapon. "Truth is... I'm sick of his shit, and I'm here to help you all take him down."


	35. All Out War - It Ends Tonight

Twenty-four hours had passed and the previous night had been quiet. As the sun began to set again Negan lead the march down to speak with the survivors. He anticipated that the span of time that had passed would be enough to have had Rick turn into a roamer. With that, he hoped the remaining soldiers and people of the communities would be compliant and they could go on about business.

He reached the gates and crossed into the community where they drove through, coming face to face with a guard. Negan spoke calmly; rationally. "I'd like to speak with the new leader... whoever that might be."

Rick emerged, barely giving a hint he had been wounded and Negan hid the shock that filtered through him. Next to Rick stood Dwight, and he shook his head, eyeing his former ally.

"Rick..." Negan said calmly, glaring at Dwight in the process.

"Don't look at him, Negan," Rick demanded, "Look at me."

The two men stared each other down, not angrily but intently.

"Why are you fighitng my people?" Rick asked.

"You drove a fucking truck through my walls," Negan replied. "We have fucking families there too... women, children..." Negan shook his head. "I'm saving lives by taking yours."

"That's the stupidest thing you've ever said." He took a step forward and spoke just as calmly. "We can work together; live together. We can cooperate... make a barter system so you can have what you need. No one needs to die."

Negan listened, finding some sense in Rick's words. As much as their views varied, he respected Rick as a leader.

"The war can end now... no more fighting," Rick went on. "We can all start living better lives... together." He nodded once and stared Negan in the eye.

Negan looked down for a moment and back up. He thought of his future, of Alexandra's. A part of him felt he was wrong in letting things go on this far for this long. Someone would come for him eventually, whether Rick or somebody else. "I think you might be on to something," he admitted, about to outstretch his hand. "Maybe I've been fucking wrong..." He stared at Rick and nodded. "I think we can come to some type of agreement."

Rick took another step forward, nodding once and then a shock wave was sent through Negan's body as Rick sliced him with a knife. For a second he stood still, seeing blood begin to trickle down the front of his jacket. He looked down, feeling as if the moment was happening in slow motion and reached a hand up toward the side of his neck. When he removed his hand it was coated in blood. "Fuck..." he said, squinting his eyes.

"Good," Rick said, his facial features twisting into a look far more sinister. "I'm glad we agree."

Negan stumbled a bit, but stayed on his feet, noting he was losing a lot of blood.

Rick shouted past him toward The Saviors. "You can either fight... or end this!" he called out, "I have a doctor that can save him," he pointed toward Negan with the knife, "I cut him good but the wound won't be fatal! The war is over! If you attack now he dies!"

Negan found a second wind in him, tackling Rick to the ground. Blood poured from his wound as he laid out blow after blow to Rick's face before grabbing a hold of his leg and snapping it with a sickening crack. Rick's painful scream was the last thing Negan heard before everything went black.

...

Alexandra sat played a game of Go Fish with Randy and Sarah. A part of her was tempted to tell Randy of her news but she didn't. A smile lingered on her face as she went about their game.

"You usually aren't this happy when Negan is out there," Randy noticed. He eyed her suspiciously, but smiled.

Alexandra shrugged. "Just a lowkey day, I guess. This game reminds me of being a kid." She smiled.

"You guys should teach me how to play poker." Sarah smiled and let her eyebrows rise and fall, looking at Alexandra, who smiled. "Got any fives?" She looked at Randy who shook his head.

"Go Fish," he said, motioning to the pile of cards in the center of the table.

The medical building's handheld radio began to spray with static before a frantic voice rattled over the frequency that they all chatted on. "Sanctuary! Lock up your stuff! Get indoors!"

Alexandra pushed her chair back and rose to her feet, keeping Sarah next to her as she listened. When there wasn't an immediate response she nodded to Randy, who picked it up to talk.

"This is medical," Randy said, "What's happening?"

"Negan is fucking down!" Chaos could be heard in the background, and Alexandra shook her head, grabbing the radio out of Randy's hand and pressed it to her lips as she spoke.

"What do you mean he's down?" she shouted frantically.

"He's down!" the man shouted back, "Rick slit his fucking throat!"

Alexandra's mouth dropped open and for a moment everything around her seemed to go silent. The walkie-talkie slipped from her hand and she could tell Randy was saying something to her but her senses were cut off. She felt along the counter for a means to stay stable as she backpedaled, watching everything around her unfold like a whirlwind. All of the images were mixed together and she shook her head.

Randy's hand grabbed her shoulder lightly and he positioned himself in front of her to stable her. "Alex." He helped her sit, but she started to fight him.

"Give me the radio!" she demanded, seeing that Sarah had caught it before it hit the ground.

Sarah's face was filled with fear and angst. Her young eyes were wide with terror and glazed with tears that didn't fall. She extended her arm with the radio and Randy relayed it to Alexandra.

When she put the communication device to her lips she didn't have the words to say. She sat opened mouthed for a moment, still shaking her head. When she didn't speak Randy slowly took it back.

"Is he dead?" he asked. "Is Negan dead?"

The question snapped Alexandra's mind back to reality and she listened intently as the sights and sounds began to make sense again. "Randy..." she said quietly, her eyes filling with tears as she awaited the response.

"Rick and the doc have him!" The Savior's voice was just as frantic. "Fuck! I don't know! Just batten down the fucking hatches until we get back! Dwight turned on us!"

"Oh my God..." Alexandra put a hand to her head as tears began to fall down her face. She darted out of the room, down to the bathroom and threw up.

...

"Kill him Rick!" Maggie demanded, "He deserves it!"

"He doesn't die!" Rick insisted. "We keep him alive! He's more useful to us alive!"

Negan could faintly hear their conversation in his dreary state. Despite the nature of the wound he didn't feel any pain - not yet. He attributed that to the loss of blood and the adrenaline that poured through his body.

"My leg's broken," Rick's voice was calm despite his injury. "Fix up Negan first."

"No!" Maggie insisted.

Negan closed his eyes, letting fate decide what would come of his current situation. The next half hour was a blur of voices, lights and dark images. He had no idea where he was being taken or what was to come next. He held no fear for himself. If he died he died. He did, however, have fear for Alexandra and what would happen with her. Negan knew Rick's group wasn't about to just let him go, even if he did survive the injury.

"We've got to stop the bleeding now or he'll die within the hour... or sooner." A male voice filtered into his clouded perception of the events that were going on around him. Negan felt a warm compress on his neck and then the voices drifted in and out - sometimes close, sometimes far away. He finally closed his eyes and passed out, unsure of if he would wake up again.


	36. Light and Darkness

Alexandra stayed in the bathroom for a long time trying to think rationally. She couldn't. Even when Randy's knocks came on the door with concern she couldn't respond.

"Just tell me that you're okay!" he finally demanded, rattling the handle. "Please... Alex..."

"I'm..." she choked out, putting a hand over her mouth as more tears rolled down her face, "I'm not okay, Randy." She thought of Sarah for a second, "Make sure Sarah is safe." The second half of the sentence came out as a whimpered cry and she stayed on the floor of the bathroom with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up toward her chest.

 _He can't be dead_ , she thought.

Alexandra didn't know what to do next. She had to find out concrete information but didn't know when that would come in.

 _The man didn't say that Negan was dead_ , she reminded herself, but then let more tears fall when she thought, _who can survive getting their throat slashed._ The answer was simple and Alexandra felt some type of power rise up in her. _Negan can. If anyone can survive that it's Negan._

She rose to her feet, throwing water across her face in the sink and blew her nose before finally emerging into the small hallway. The memory of Negan scaring her as she left the bathroom there not all that long ago crossed through her mind and she had to force herself not to think about their more pleasant memories in order to stay sane in the moment.

Randy and Sarah entered the hallway from the front room and both of them stared at her.

"Anything else on the radio?" she asked, her voice shaking just slightly.

He shook his head. "Not much. They're coming back. We can ask..." His voice was soft and empathic. "I'm sorry Alex."

"They didn't say he was dead," Sarah reminded her.

Alexandra nodded and looked at Randy. "Can I talk to you for a second?" she knew she was about to break a rule but felt deep down she could trust her friend. She needed the support, and knew when it came to serious matters that Randy wouldn't allow her to get hurt. He was one of her only true allies in the world. If things backfired then so be it. They couldn't get much worse than right now.

"Sure." He nodded and handed Sarah a soda. "Sit tight for a sec."

Sarah complied and sat back in a chair as Randy made his way down the corridor.

Alexandra sighed, attempting to catch her breath after sobbing so hard for so long. She swallowed hard and looked at him through swollen, red eyes. He waited and she took a deep breath before finally spilling her secret. "Randy, I'm pregnant."

"What!" his eyes widened and looked over his shoulder. "Negan?"

She felt tears weld up in her eyes again and nodded. "Yeah."

"Holy... shit." Randy put a hand on his forehead.

"You are the _only_ person..." Alexandra began to cry and he hugged her against his chest.

"Al..." He took a deep breath and rubbed her back. "Alex, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry. I gave you such a hard time-"

"I doesn't matter." She backed away and dried her eyes. "You're my friend. We fight. I get it. I give it back to you sometimes." She shook her head and took a deep breath before putting her hands on her hips. "Nobody else can know about this."

"I promise." Randy shook his head and put a hand up, "I'll help you."

Alexandra nodded again. "Thank you." She glanced down the hallway. "I have to know if he's alive."

...

Negan's eyes flickered open and he stared at his foreign surroundings. The room he was in was dark and damp. Where he laid was uncomfortable and every part of his body felt sore and stiff. It took a minute for his thoughts to catch up with reality and replayed the events that had occurred, noting that it all hadn't just been a vivid daydream. He went to move, but felt a restriction on his arm and tilted his head upward to see he was chained to the brick wall behind him. A pain lingered in his neck and shoulder, but he was conscious and alive.

"Negan..." Rick's scratchy voice made him turn his head.

"Rick." It hurt Negan to speak, but he tried his best not to show it. Even in restraints and at the mercy of the man beside him he wouldn't show weakness. Negan stared at the brace on Rick's leg, and then looked up to look him in the eye. "Well played." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a minute. When Rick didn't speak he went on. "So... what happens now?"

"Life goes on," Rick said simply. "The world goes on..."

"Yeah?" He felt he would get to a point after being purposely vague in his response.

"Yeah." He nodded and rose to his feet despite his injury. "We win, Negan. Things are going to be different... without you."

"I don't know what the fuck you're waiting for then, Rick." Negan smiled at him. "You want to draw out my death? Make me suffer." He shrugged and gave a laugh that sent a pain up his face and down through his pectoral muscles.

"I'm not going to kill you." Rick shook his head. "No... you're going to stay chained up down here... locked up in this cell until the day you die." He didn't smile as he spoke, and the two men held eye contact with one another. "You're going to die a lonely old man Negan."

Rick nodded once subtly and then turned to walk away, almost expecting Negan to rebuttle. When he didn't, he left, closing the door behind him leaving Negan alone in the basement of a building at The Hilltop.

Negan sat in the silence, staring at a small, barred window that was his only link to the outside world. He didn't shout out to Rick. He didn't fight against the restraints. He remained silent in the depths of a dying world with nothing but his thoughts.


	37. Be Tough

**Thanks everyone for reading this story. I hope you are enjoying! Happy Labor Day weekend!**

Alexandra peppered the Savior soldiers for questions but no one seemed to be able to give a concrete answer. Many of them had seen Negan fall at the hands of Rick, though the versions of the story varied so greatly that there was no way to tell what was real and what the men had created in their minds.

 _Negan fell to the ground, got up and fought Rick and the two of them were carted away. Both of them might have died..._ these were the claims of one man.

 _I never saw Negan's throat slashed. I thought he was stabbed in the chest but I didn't see anything else..._ the claims of another.

After a collection of truths and thought-to-be truths, the story evolved so greatly that Alexandra felt like her head was spinning. All she could tell for sure was that Negan was missing. In her mind, at least for now, missing was better than dead.

The rest of the day passed by slowly. When Alexandra returned to the home she shared with Negan she drowned in her sorrows, crying into the pillow that still lingered with his scent. She put on one of his t-shirts as the day came to a close and cuddled herself around a pillow on his side of the bed. She let her hand drifted to the empty space beside her and prayed by some miracle she would get to see his face again.

 _Rick slit his throat..._ The voice from the radio earlier echoed in Alexandra's mind and she knew the chances for survival with a wound like that were bleak at best.

Alexandra suddenly sat up, wiping her eyes and reached for the radio set to channel nine. "Negan?" she whimpered desperately. "Negan are you there?" The chances were slim, she knew, but she had to try to contact him. "Negan!" Her heart thudded in her chest as she listened to the silence, waiting for something; anything. The sound of the button clicking on the other end would be enough to give her just a fraction of hope, but it never came.

The clock on the wall made its time-changing ticks, clicking from midnight to one o'clock, to two, three and four. Alexandra finally passed out from exhaustion in the wee hours of the morning, only to awake halfway through the following day with a headache, itchy eyes and a dry mouth. She felt worse than being hungover, and the heavy feeling in her chest returned when she realized the feel of Negan's arm around her waist had been nothing but a dream.

She drew a hand over her stomach, the only thing that could provide her comfort at that moment and thought about what the child might be like. If nothing else then Negan would do as he intended, leaving his legacy with her in the form of a child.

Alexandra knew she had to get herself to The Hilltop at some point, but there wasn't an ounce of her that wanted to move from the spot in the bed the two of them shared together. It was all she had to hold on to.

Time passed, and the day soon faded as darkness crept in and Alexandra had barely moved. She knew she needed to come back to life, but also acknowledged her need to mourn. She sighed and finally stood up from the bed and opened a closet filled with Negan's clothes. She threw on a black hooded sweatshirt that he didn't wear all that often and then grabbed the keys to the truck he had shown her.

Alexandra slunk out of the building toward the garage, popping open the locks and heading inside the way she had with Negan a few days before. She decided to prepare for her exit if need be and decided she would stock up on items that could get her by if she was somehow flung into the open space littered with walkers and potential assailants. The truck was a perfect place to begin stocking up and storing things, and so that's what she began to do.

She walked up to the truck first and opened the driver's side door before sitting down and starting the engine. The CCR CD was still in the player and began to rattle off the song Down on the Corner. Rather than attempt to enjoy the upbeat song, Alexandra skipped back to the first track and listened to the one that she had danced to with Negan in that same spot several days ago. She slumped down in the seat, pulled down her hood and sat there alone, sobbing as loud as she could. There was no one there to hear her.

* * *

Negan had no energy and barely moved from where he was chained on the wall. Every so often someone would come down to check on him. Of all the people Carl was the one who actually scared him a bit. He sent chilling glares his way and claimed there would be no consequence from his father or otherwise if he chose to kill him.

"You want to kill me?" Negan asked him, smirking as he did despite the circumstances.

"Yup." That was Carl's simple response, and he left happily with a quiet smile on his face.

Negan didn't mind when the boy came down to taunt him, even the times when he thought he might actually care out the assassination. It provided some sense of entertainment, to say the least, and it beat having to sit in the darkness wondering what was to come for him... and for Alexandra. He assumed word had spread that he was dead, and imagined what she might be doing that exact moment. Was she crying? Was she scared? Mad? Would she try to avenge him? Did she take the pregnancy test like he asked? What were the results? Would she suck up her pride and allow the people of The Hilltop to aid in keeping her and the baby safe?

All of the what-ifs were enough to drive him crazy. He hated himself for putting her in the position she was in now. Rick's words had actually made sense just before he pulled back and slit his throat. He would have agreed. He would have attempted this new life of bartering and sharing and all of it.

 _Too little, too late_ , he thought. Negan leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. He knew if he hadn't been so prideful that things could have been different. Alexandra had changed his way of thinking and rather than ride out that way of life he had been stuck between his former self and the man Alexandra had turned him into. Holding onto his prior convictions had led him to where he was now - alone in a basement chained to the wall getting fed scraps while the woman he loved was probably attempting to make sense of everything and pick up the pieces.

"Here you go Negan." Carl re-entered the basement with a shit-eating-grin. "Dog food sandwich for you." He tossed the ceramic plate in his direction, sending the sandwich tumbling to the floor.

Negan eyed it and replied with a simple, "Thanks a fucking lot kid." He smirked and nodded before reaching down with his unchained hand to gather it off the ground.

Carl stared at him for a moment and then turned, victorious in his strut from the fresh hell that Negan had been placed in.

He tossed the sandwich down when the kid left and decided he would wait until he couldn't take it anymore to eat it. Negan's only positive thoughts were that he had all the time in the world to think of a route of escape. On the same note, he prayed that Alexandra would arrive at The Hilltop and figure out what had happened - that he wasn't dead. While the near future looked rough, Negan knew there was a chance for a turnaround at some point. The stars had to align perfectly, but he had a small ounce of hope inside of him.

 _Hang in there baby_ , he thought. _Be tough and get yourself to The Hilltop_.


	38. A Mission

_6 months later..._

Things had changed around The Sanctuary, as Rick took charge and began to put things into order his way. Alexandra had come to terms in her mind that Negan was gone, and while every day with a struggle without him, the pain became more bearable as time passed. She never forgot his words, and sucked up her pride despite wanting to take everything out on Rick for what he did. She remained a quiet, compliant member of the new society for the sake of her baby.

The doctors were as claimed at The Hilltop. Alexandra was shocked by the available technology and bonded with the medical staff there. They were the only people she attempted to converse with outside of her small group of people that she trusted. Randy followed her lead and proved to be her greatest ally, along with Sarah, as he pretended that he was the baby's father. As much as Alexandra wanted to shout from the rooftops that it was Negan's, she knew it wouldn't work out for any of them if people found out.

The stories about the final day of the war all began to coincide as Alexandra secretly moved around in order to get information. Negan's throat was slashed. Rick's leg was broken. Negan hadn't been seen or heard from since.

Alexandra couldn't bring herself to speak with Rick or the main group of people who surrounded him. Their passing conversations were brief, even when he attempted to be nice and gush over the fact that she was going to have a baby. Had he known it was Negan's child, she knew he would probably feel differently. When she found herself walking down the street alone as Rick headed in her direction, she forced a quick wave and went on with her head down.

"Hey." He motioned her over to him with his hand. "How far along are you now?"

She looked down. "About six months."

"The doctors here... they'll take good care of you... and your baby." He nodded once. "I know you were a doctor at The Sanctuary, so we appreciate your help here."

"Thank you." Alexandra was about to continue walking but Rick continued.

"You should get to know some more people here. They're good people."

She nodded again and was about to make away for an exit but she stopped and decided to go straight to the source about what had happened with Negan. "Rick, um..." Alexandra didn't consider herself to be a good liar, but tried to appear nonchalant. "Was your leg broken during the war?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"It's healed up alright?" she thought on the spot. "I mean, I'm so nervous about giving birth, but if they patched up your broken leg okay-"

"They're the best there is," Rick told her with a smile. "Like I said... they'll take care of you."

"I know this might be... forbidden to talk about but..." Alexandra sighed and shrugged. "Did Negan... did he die that day?"

Rick opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. He looked down, around and in all directions.

"Forgive me if I'm being too direct." She knew how to appear shy and naive when she needed to.

"Well... um... Alexandra, right?" he asked.

She nodded and smiled at him. "Yeah, that's right."

"You don't have to worry about Negan anymore."

"Because he's dead..." Alexandra needed concrete information. She recognized how intently she was staring at Rick as she waited for an answer and then consciously loosened up her posture.

"He's... not around anymore. I don't kill people unless it's absolutely necessary." He put a hand on her shoulder. "Let me know if there's anything you need."

Alexandra nodded. "Okay." She wasn't sure exactly what Rick meant but the fact that he didn't give her a definitive yes made her think.

She headed down the road in the same direction she had begun. If Negan didn't die that day they would have attempted to exile him, she thought. But Alexandra knew him well enough that if that was the case he would have made his way back to her in the six months that he had been gone.

"So that's not an option," she said aloud, stopping for a moment as she thought with a hand on her hip. A feeling struck her like a jolt of lightning and she wondered if it was at all possible that Negan could have been taken prisoner if Rick had spared him. If Rick had finished the job and killed Negan Alexandra assumed he would have just said that when she asked. There was no reason not to.

She looked around the immediate area and then retreated back to the home she shared now with Randy, as the two of them carried on the illusion that they were a couple.

Alexandra shut the door and looked at Randy as he sat flipping through a book. "Can you cover for me tonight if I sneak out?"

"Where are you going?" He asked.

"The shed at The Sanctuary. I have to keep stocking up on things there with the truck."

Randy shook his head. "It's too dangerous to go alone."

"I'll be fine."

"Alex..." His eyes pleaded with her.

"Randy you have been helping me so much... I can't thank you enough. I don't think I could ever make it up to you." She shook her head and sat down next to him. "But I need to do what I'm doing."

"Why? I don't understand."

Alexandra paused and looked at him. "I think... I think Negan might still be alive."

Randy's expression softened and he shook his head. "I don't..." He sighed, "Alex he-"

"I asked Rick if he killed him and he didn't say yes."

"That doesn't mean-"

"There's a chance." Alexandra fought off the tightness in her throat and spoke confidently. "And if he's alive then he has to be here."

"Here?" Randy shook his head. "Why do you think that? We would have seen him."

"Not if he's being held hostage somewhere." She raised her eyebrows.

"Even if you're right, and I don't think you are... how can this all get resolved?" Randy motioned to her stomach, "and you can't go out there with the undead lurking. You're pregnant."

"Randy... please. Like I said I've asked you for too much already... but all I need you to do is cover for me. If Negan's alive I'm going to have an escape route for him... for us."

"And if he's dead then all of this risk is for nothing."

"If he's alive I'll find out."

Alexandra and Randy both turned and waited as Sarah slunk down the stairs and peeked around the corner before emerging. She grinned and slid down the short banister.

"What are you doing?" Randy shouted, though surprise more than anger rose in his voice. "When did you get in here?"

She grinned devilishly. "Awhile ago."

"Sarah, you can't..." Alexandra's voice drifted off and she looked at the young girl.

"I know you're thinking what I'm thinking," Sarah went on. "I followed Negan for months without him knowing." She smiled, "You think I can't do the same with Rick?"

"No." Randy shook his head and looked at the two girls. "No, no, no!"

"What?" Alexandra asked.

He looked at her. "Both of you... just no."

"That dumb boy Carl thinks I'm a helpless little girl." She winked. "Boy is he wrong."

"You're getting your hopes up that Negan is alive, Alex." Randy shook his head. "I don't want you to get hurt. His throat was slashed."

"Rick never confirmed he was dead." Alexandra looked at him. "I hate to admit it but the medical staff here is better than you or I. They could have helped him."

"Why in the hell would they do that?"

"These people aren't... murderers."

"She's right." Sarah confirmed with a nod. "Except maybe Carl. Even Negan was scared of him."

Alexandra wandered into the closet and pulled the black hooded sweatshirt off of a hanger. "I'm going to The Sanctuary. If anyone asks I'm sleeping."

"And I'm going to schmooze Carl some more... and see more about this Rick fellow." Sarah winked again. "I love secret missions."

For the first time in awhile Alexandra felt a rush of adrenaline; a spark of hope. She saw the look on Randy's face and felt a twinge of guilt for the position she had put him in. "How can I make this up to you?" she asked. "You've been rock solid for me the last six months... and before."

His eyes lifted to meet hers. "I want back on the medical staff... that's all I want."

Alexandra looked him in the eye. "I'm always over there. I'll do everything in my power to make it happen." She nodded. "I promise. I'll try." She stared at him, waiting for a response. "Okay?"

Randy nodded. "Please be careful Alex."

She nodded back and smiled. "Thank you."

Sarah threw up the hood on the sweatshirt she was wearing to mimic Alexandra. "We got this shit."


	39. Night Stalker

Sarah skipped around The Hilltop the next day playing old school games like hopscotch and doting around Alexandra in front of people saying how great it was that she and Randy were expecting a baby.

"They're the closest thing to parents I've had since..." Sarah often played that card in front of people, making them say 'awwww' or give her a hug.

Alexandra was a little concerned at how casually Sarah spoke of the tragedy in her life, but decided that the world had hardened her a bit just like it had everyone else. She wondered if there was any truth in her claims that she felt a motherly bond with her.

At the end of each day Alexandra was shocked at how natural their giant rouse was. She did her part each day down with the medical staff to pump up Randy as she had promised. She lied, saying he had graduated from medical school and told the honest truth about how passionate he was about the profession.

"He taught me so much over the last few years," she gushed. "It was always his dream to practice medicine. Think you guys could use his help?" These were the types of things that Alexandra said to the other doctors. "I know I'm biased, but I worked side by side with him for so long before all this."

Soon Randy was welcomed by the medical staff. They had been leery of him simply because he had been a part of The Sanctuary but with the passing of time trust had built.

Sarah had kept up her end of the deal gladly. She secretly tailed Rick, finding nothing overly useful in her earliest attempts. She worked the Carl-angle and never minded when he treated her like a helpless kid. That was all part of the plan, she knew, and whole-heartedly embraced.

Sarah lurked in the shadows, often sneaking into Rick's home undetected. She was patient - as patient as a twelve year old could be - and waited out for the perfect bit of information.

Weeks went by and nothing. She heard no mention of Negan or anything else. Each day she left feeling unsatisfied and frustrated. Alexandra kept her positive and continued sneaking and stocking up canned goods, water and boxed foods over at the truck in The Sanctuary.

A party at The Hilltop came to be the perfect opportunity. Rick wandered out early with Michonne and walked down the wet streets after a passing shower.

While most of the community was sharing bottles of liquor and more food than they typically did to keep up the morale,m of the group, Sarah did what she did best and stalked the dual leaders to a big brick building near the back end of The Hilltop.

"Be careful." Rick's voice was quiet and he peered over his shoulder but didn't at all see Sarah who laid on her stomach behind a row of bushes.

"It's fine, Rick." Michonne nodded and he handed her a wooden box that Sarah hadn't seen him carrying under one arm.

The two of them shared a kiss and then parted ways, as Rick made his way back down the street toward the party.

Michonne looked around and headed toward the back side of the building.

Sarah moved quietly from her hiding spot, watching Rick's silhouette as he continued his march back toward the community gathering. She then remained low in her run behind Michonne, keeping her feet light as she went.

The side of the building had moss growing up the side and there wasn't much room between it and a wall that bordered The Hilltop. Sarah swallowed hard from the eerie nature of the place and resumed an army crawl on her stomach until she reached the back.

Michonne fiddled with a small ring of keys and entered the back door, giving Sarah a moment of amusement as she envisioned herself stealing them. She knew it would be a challenge, but she was sure with her hoodlum skills and girlish charm she could manage the job.

The large, wooden door swung open and she took a chance, hurrying in behind Michonne in the darkness just before the door swung shut behind them.

Sarah held her breath and tried to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She heard Michonne's footsteps as she descended down a pitch black stairwell. More than ever Sarah silenced her footsteps, taking each concrete stair as fleet-footed as possible. By the end of the journey her eyes had adapted slightly and she was able to make out the brick walls of a basement.

The air was stale and muggy. A typical basement smell hung in the air and there was a consistent drip coming from somewhere nearby. In the immediate distance a door opened and closed, leaving just the tiniest spray of light that highlighted Michonne's figure.

Sarah smiled to herself and continued to trail, but stopped just outside the door and buried herself in a corner of the darkness. She crouched down out of the way of the light and listened as Michonne's voice echoed off the walls of the empty space.

"Here you go, Negan."

Sarah's mouth dropped open but she remained silent and cat-like in her approach to the situation. She ducked back into the shadows even farther and tried her best to steady her breathing as it picked up.

"Another dog food sandwich doll?" his voice was low, scratchy and hung with exhaustion, though his humor was still in tact. Sarah almost couldn't contain herself. She wanted to run out of the place and go grab Alexandra immediately but she tried to keep her cool.

"No." Michonne's response was quick and to the point. There was shuffling and then she added. "There's a cup of water in there so don't tip the box." With the sound of footsteps Sarah waited, wishing she could become invisible. Still, from her position she felt she was safe and watched as Michonne left the room and hurried back up the stairs empty handed.

Sarah heard the door close and then the sound of click indicated that Michonne had locked the door that lead to outside. She would worry about escaping out an upstairs window later, noting there were more pressing matters to attend to. When she finally mustered up the courage, she removed herself from her hiding spot and slipped inside the door that Michonne had just come out of.

At first she saw nothing, but followed the dim light that filtered from the darkness around a corner. Sarah's mouth almost dropped to the floor and she felt her heart sink for a moment when she saw him.

Negan pulled the plastic cup of water away from his mouth when he saw her emerge and a wide smile decorated his face. "Well I'll be damned."


	40. Three Months

Alexandra sat on the couch wrapped in a blanket. She had made a brief appearance at the party just to show her face but left before a full hour had passed. Randy stayed later, attempting to fit in with the new circle of people and had found his niche with the other doctors on site.

When the front door burst open, Alexandra jumped but put a hand over her chest when she saw it was Sarah. "You scared me," she claimed, shaking her head and then took in her appearance. "Are you alright? Is coming chasing you?"

Sarah shook her head and held up one finger as she struggled to catch her breath. When she finally did she walked over and sat beside Alexandra on the couch. She didn't initially say anything but finally smiled wide.

"What is it?" Alexandra asked, attempting to read her body language.

"I can't beat around the bush with this one... he's alive."

"Wh... you don't mean Negan, do you?"

Sarah nodded.

Alexandra felt her stomach twist in knots and goosebumps traveled down her arms. She stared intently at Sarah, not realizing she had taken her hands in her own. "Why do you think that?"

"I don't think that. I know that."

"How?"

Sarah smiled again. "I just talked to him."

"Talked to him." Alexandra's eyes lit up but she couldn't smile. Her whole body felt numb. "Wh-when? Where? How did you talk to him? Where did you talk to him?" Her voice was more frantic now as the news began to sink in.

"You were right," Sarah went on, "He's locked down in an old cellar. I followed Michonne there."

Alexandra couldn't move. She felt a rush of emotion like never before. She wanted to smile, laugh, cry and throw her arms around Sarah but she couldn't do any of those things. She was paralyzed by the information.

"Only thing is... he's kind of in bad shape."

"Bad shape?"

"He's chained to a wall in the dark. He only gets two cups of water a day and a small amount of food."

Alexandra felt her heart sink again, unsure of what she should be feeling. Negan was alive, but the image of him chained to a wall in a damp, cold basement with hardly any food made her stomach turn. "I've got to go see him."

"Hold it!" Sarah squeezed Alexandra's hands. "Let me lurk around and figure out their schedule... see when Michonne or Rick goes down there to feed him. I'll stalk it out, sneak in again and then I'll be able to prop open the door when they leave so you can sneak in."

Alexandra swallowed hard. She knew the young girl was right but she believed for so long that Negan was dead that she craved the thought of seeing him. Without warning she felt a rush of heat filter into her cheeks and she put a hand on her forehead that suddenly felt clammy and saturated. "I've... I'll be right back." She rose to her feet and looked over her shoulder as she made her way into the other room. "Thank you Sarah. Thank you so much." She barely got the words out hurried into a small bathroom before began to laugh and cry at the same time.

The feeling she had when she found out Negan had fallen at Rick's hand was intense and painful. The elation and thankfulness she felt now matched that intensity but Alexandra felt overwhelmed with joy. She had to go see him, and wished she could rush over there now but after all this time she realized that a few more days with the proper preparation was absolutely necessary.

Sarah made her way into the bathroom and in a rare moment of affection she hugged Alexandra, who hugged her back. "Once we break him out of here," Sarah said quietly, "Can I come with you guys?"

Alexandra smiled to herself but continued to cry, sighing as she was unable to immediately respond. She finally dried her eyes. "It's safer here."

"I don't like these people. I want to go where you go."

"Randy-"

"Randy bugs me." Tears filled her eyes now. "Please?"

Alexandra studied her expression and then nodded. "Okay," she agreed. "We have to get him out somehow but you can go where ever it is we go."

Sarah smiled and turned away as tears fell from her eyes. She quickly straightened up and turned back around before taking a deep breath.

"Did Negan seem okay?" Alexandra asked.

"Still had his sense of humor." She raised her eyebrows. "I know I'm only 12, but give me a few days to figure out the schedule... and then I'll bring you back there with me."

"You are wise and brave beyond your years." Alexandra hugged her again.

"I know." Sarah smiled. "You won't go back on your promise will you?"

"No."

"Good."

...

The hours leading up to sneaking into the back building to see Negan had Alexandra on edge. She counted down the hours and then the minutes.

Sarah had been confident in her timing and followed Rick this time as he went into to bring Negan his meal.

The hour was late and the world was dark, particularly in the back of The Hilltop behind the last building. Sarah had been a success, sneaking in, remaining quiet and waiting in the darkness until Rick was gone.

Alexandra waited until nearly eleven o'clock that night as her young counterpart had suggested. It was then that she slunk her way quietly about town, ducking into the shadows and keeping away from the eyes of the community beneath the black hooded sweatshirt.

When the brick building was finally an eye-shot away she felt a needy pain in her chest. Knowing Negan was just behind those walls made her heart rate elevate.

She eyes the right side of the building that sat feet away from the perimeter wall. It was just as Sarah had described.

Fifty yards maximum, Alexamdra thought. That's all she needed to go before the cover of darkness would camouflage her the rest of the way.

She looked around, seeing no one in the immediate area and hurried along the wall. With each step there was a fierce rush of adrenaline and saw eyed the small space that called to her.

10 more yards... 9... 8... Alexandra counted down in her head until she passed through the threshold of darkness. She couldn't help herself and ran the rest of the way, dipping into the back yard.

Her eyes scanned the immediate area. When she saw no one she made a break for the back door, nearly jumping out of her skin when Sarah pushed it open to greet her.

"Come on," she whispered and towed Alexandra by the hand down the flight of stairs, to the middle of a short hall and through the door that led into the room.

Alexandra looked around, closing her eyes for a second at the thought of Negan being held captive in such awful conditions for so long.

"Around the corner," Sarah said quietly. "I'll go be the lookout." She hurried back out the door and Alexandra wandered around the corner.

At that moment the world stopped. Everything that had happened in the last six months was irrelevant.

"Hey honey." Negan's voice sent chills up her back and she put both of her hands over the lower half of her face in disbelief. "I knew you'd figure shit out." He managed a smile despite the uncomfortable nature of the way he sat.

Alexandra crossed the room and bent down to hug him, wrapping her arms around him so tight that it made him wince. He wrapped his free arm around her and rubbed her back as she cried into his shoulder.

Negan kissed her forehead and swallowed hard when she turned to face him. "Don't cry doll." He managed a smile, but a single tear fell from his eye.

"You've been chained to this wall for six months?" She asked him, tears still streaming down her face. She ran a hand through his messy hair that decorated the front of his forehead and covered the tops of his ears.

"Is that how long it's been?" He asked, "Fuck... feels like it's been a year." He hugged her against him tighter and then looked her in the eye. His free hand traveled down toward her stomach and Alexandra lifted the baggy sweatshirt.

"I'm pregnant, Negan." She kept a trembling hand against his face and couldn't keep her tears in tact.

He took a deep breath and leaned his head against brick wall with his eyes closed. "I'm sorry Alexandra." Negan pulled her tighter against him again. "I shouldn't have gone that last time."

"You didn't know." She breathed into his chest. "I can't believe this happened to you." Alexandra glanced up at the chain in the wall that was attached to one of Negan's arms and stood up and grabbed a hold of it with both hands and began to frantically pull with all of her strength.

Negan put a hand on her leg when she didn't stop. "Alexandra..."

She continued to pull, clawing at it and crying as she did.

"Honey stop." Negan urged quietly, reaching for her arm with his free hand. "It's not going to do any good."

Alexandra released the chain and sobbed before slowly dropping to the ground beside him. "You can't live like this."

"Im alright now." He let his finger dance along the side of her face.

Alexandra put her hand over his and then leaned in and kissed him, not taking her lips away from his. "I love you."

"I love you too." Negan dried her tears with his thumb and looked her in the eye again. When she saw tears in his eyes she closed her eyes, feeling her damp eyelashes stick together. "I'm sorry I haven't fuckin' been there for you."

"You're chained up down here like some animal," Alexandra cried. "You must've lost... I don't know how many pounds." She couldn't think of a number.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not. Look at you." She motioned to his arm chained on the wall. "This isn't fair." Alexandra looked at him. "How can I get you out of here?"

"You're not going to." Negan told her.

"What?" She began to shake her head.

"You need to have the baby first. I can't stay out here in the community, and you're not delivering a child out in the road."

"No." Alexandra told him. "I'm getting you out."

"Six months?" Negan asked her.

She stared down at the bulge in her stomach and nodded.

"That gives you three months and then some to think of a way to get me out of here."

"No. That's too long."

"Alexandra." Negan looked her in the eye. "I'll survive. I already did six months... I've got to stay down here another three before you try to get me out... so you can deliver that baby in a healthy, stable fuckin' place."

"I can't walk around knowing you're down here."

"Truck still there?"

Alexandra nodded. "Yeah. I've been stocking up on food and things in case I ever found you alive."

Negan grinned wide and brushed her hair away from her eyes. "That's my girl."

She began to cry again and shook her head, watching her tears drop to the cement floor below.

"Three months is fuckin' nothing," he assured her. "Let's fucking do this right and then I'll let you take me the fuck away from here." Negan traced her jawline with his fingertips and forced her to agree with him as she looked into his eyes. "Have the baby... keep stocking up... then you and that 10 year old warrior kid come up with a plan to get me out of here."

"Twelve," Sarah's voice carried through the basement and Negan chuckled, looking at Alexandra.

"Honey... I'll make this shit up to you if you do it my way." Negan lifted her shirt and motioned for her to stand up. He smiled and laughed as a few more tears fell from his eyes. "I can do three months if I know what's waiting for me on the other side."

Alexandra ran a hand through his hair and pulled him against her midsection as he hugged her from where he sat. "I hate the idea-"

"But you're going to do it." Negan looked up to her. "You have to."

"I'll sneak him food." Sarah's voice echoed off the walls again.

"Thanks kid." He looked at Alexandra again. "See... no fuckin' problem."

She squatted down again so they were eye to eye and Negan brought her face to his and kissed her. "You'll be okay?"

"Now I will." Negan winked and Alexandra nodded. He kissed her another time a little harder. "You got this shit," he choked out, his voice finally shaking.

Alexandra kept her forehead against his with her eyes closed. Her throat tightened and she couldn't speak. All of it was too much but she knew she had to be strong for him. "Okay."

Negan sighed a choked up breath against her lips. He repeated his favorite phrase. "That's my girl."


	41. Exit Plan

Everything had suddenly changed. Realizing Negan was alive and getting to see him had ignited a fire back inside of Alexandra. She knew she had to utilize all of her time in order to carry out a plan that would set him free once the baby was born.

Alexandra's mind was hectic at times but clear at others. Negan had all but forbid her to go back down to see him until after the baby was born. She knew she had to come up with a foolproof plan so when she recovered from her delivery and the baby was healthy they could go back down and rescue him.

Alexandra used her nights for sneaking out to the truck with any and all items she could manage. She knew that someone finding that could potentially ruin everything. She studied the map of the area and snuck out on supply runs with the members of The Hilltop that were swayed more easily than Rick, Michonne or Maggie.

Alexandra needed to get a feel for her surroundings so she would know which way to go once she broke Negan out.

"Do we monitor all these junctions?" Alexandra asked, riding shotgun with a man and a woman inside an old Chevy.

"Somewhat," the man replied, "With everyone on the same team now we don't need the traditional guards like we used to."

"Good," Alexandra smiled and played along. "It's good to know we're all together. Are there any areas that are overrun with the walkers?"

"Nah," the man replied, "Every now and then we get a small herd but nowhere untravelable."

Alexandra nodded and didn't want to be be too pushy. "I just want to make sure I can hold my own out here. After everything that happened last time, I don't know that I would have survived on the road again if I absolutely needed to. When you guys came to The Sanctuary I didn't know who you were so I figured that was going to be the case." Alexandra knew she could survive out there. She had for awhile before Negan rescued her, but she had to justify her reason for venturing beyond the walls.

"I get ya," the man replied. He cleared his throat and did a U-Turn.

"What are you doing Daryl?" The woman asked.

"Showing her the exit plan."

"We have to get supplies."

"It'll take 10 minutes. She should know for her kid." He pointed to her stomach with his thumb.

Alexandra smiled. "Thank you," she replied and turned to the woman in the back. "I'm sorry." When she turned to to Daryl again she asked, "Exit plan?"

"A road out of here in case of an emergency. After when happened to Rick and them awhile ago, getting boxed in and stuff by Negan's men..." Daryl shook his head, "Ain't about to let that happen again." He pointed up the way. "I'll show you the best way out of here if we're on the run."

Alexandra smiled to herself and sat back. She decided that Daryl wasn't all that bad of a guy and hoped he could help her with her plan without really knowing it, as he was currently.

On their travels she wished she had a notebook or something to record the roads they traveled, though made mental note of the several twists and turns along the way. When Daryl offered to make her a map and take her through the drive again she thoroughly thanked him.

"Do you think there will ever be a need to leave?" she asked, making it seem as if the thought scared her.

He shrugged. "Who knows. Gotta be prepared." Daryl's answers were short and to the point.

Back at The Hilltop Sarah picked and chose her times to sneak Negan food. She made sure to discard of wrappers or cans so no one would discover her plan and felt important when he praised her for helping him.

She eyed him now before she left and nodded in his direction. "Think you'll be able to climb a wall when you get out of here?"

Negan smirked. "What's your plan kid?"

"I've been putting subtle little pieces of wood against the wall next to this building like one of those rock climbing parks I used to go to. I cover it with the weeds that are growing up the sides. By the time we break you out I'll have the wall complete. All you'll have to do is get outside, climb the wall and Alex will be waiting for you out there with the truck."

He stared at her for a moment and smiled. "How do you know to do all this shit?"

Sarah smirked. "I used to follow you all around The Sanctuary without you knowing it... for well over a year." Her answer was simple. "Practice." She tossed him a cookie and Negan snatched it out of the air. Sarah smiled again. "These fuckers don't know who they're dealing with." She then turned and left, sneaking out as quickly as she entered.

Negan sat there alone with a smile on his face. He popped the cookie into his mouth and leaned back against the wall. For a moment he reflected on everything. He wanted to go back to the old way of life but he knew that was impossible. The Sanctuary was no more and his followers were now Rick's followers. He didn't have the clout to ride on that he once had.

A part of him knew he had been over-confident after being on top for so long. He assumed that Alexandra would head to The Hilltop when her pregnancy progressed, have the baby, return to The Sanctuary and they would go on from there. The drastic turn of events had taken him completely off-guard and messed up the picture perfect plan he had in mind.

Negan didn't feel down or out. He had survived through the worst of times and he acknowledged that the world was far more civilized. The undead weren't a threat unless they traveled in large packs.

 _There's gotta be more communities out there_ , he knew. _We just have to fuckin' find one of 'em._

Negan wanted to see Alexandra again. Being in the worst of conditions he was just trying to get by and stay mentally tough. When Alexandra arrived down in the basement to meet him he almost forgot how much he craved being with her. Physically and mentally Negan knew he could make it a few more months. He hoped there was a new life that awaited them somewhere far away from the communities.


	42. A Boy or Girl

Mixed feelings had become a common theme in Alexandra's life. She couldn't stop thinking of Negan and the conditions he was it. The thought are her up inside. On the other hand, the baby had begun to move and kick and she couldn't wait for her delivery despite how frightening it all was.

Alexandra had certainly felt the bonds of motherhood already. She tried singing to the child and speaking soothingly to him or her. Stress and sleep were two things she had to try harder to control, though with each passing week she grew more tired from simple things.

It was exactly ten weeks after seeing Negan in the basement that she felt an uncomfortable feeling that she hadn't felt before. Alexandra held into her stomach and was thankful that Randy was at the house.

"Ohhh boy." She looked at him as he sat in a chair in the corner of the room and then took a deep breath. "Rand..."

Randy's eyes widened a bit. "You're not... you're not going into labor... right?"

Alexandra closed her eyes and wanted to see down but knew she had to get to the medical center. "I don't know but something is happening." She winced and took a deep breath. "Get the door."

Randy hurried to help her and soon she whisked into The Hilltop's medical building where she had been getting regular check-ups. The doctors were calm and warm toward her as she laid back in a medical bed.

"Well... you were right." The doctor told her. "It's time."

"What?" Alexandra looked at him and took another deep breath. "I thought you were going to send me home with a heating pad."

He shook his head with a smile. "You're in for a long afternoon... but the baby is positioned the way he or she should be, so this'll end up being a great afternoon when all is said and done."

Alexandra nodded her head. "Okay." It was all she could say.

He nodded back. "Are you ready?"

A pain shot through her body and Alexandra bit down on her bottom lip before letting out a painful sigh. "Yeah."

Sarah snuck down in to see Negan when she found out the news about Alexandra.

"Today's the day," she told him with a smile.

"What day is that?" The lack of sleep and uncomfortable nature of where he sat was getting to him. Negan let out a big yawn and ran a hand through his hair. He closed his eyes wondering how much longer he could stay down there chained to the wall.

"Alexandra is having the baby." Sarah told him.

Negan's eyes opened and he looked at Sarah. He was about to speak but his throat tightened up. Without much of a warning he drew a hand across his eyes and he started to cry.

Sarah's mouth dropped open. "It... it's a good thing."

The surroundings had broken Negan just a little bit. He was tired, hungry, uncomfortable. Adding the baby into the mix was the nail in the coffin. "I fucked up." He sniffed in and took a deep breath and then leaned his head back against the wall and started to laugh as he sobbed. "Fuck." Negan let out a breath through his nose.

"Even if you did... we're breaking you out of here soon."

"I should be there..." Negan sighed and dried his eyes. "Fuck..." He shook his head. "Shit, I'm talking to a fucking kid about this shit."

Sarah walked over and handed him a stack of crackers. "I'll keep you updated." She sighed. "And I'll let you know if you have a son or a daughter ASAP."

Negan shoved a few crackers in his mouth and Sarah turned to leave. When he was in silence again he gave a quick tug at the chain attached to his arm, and then started to laugh and cry at the same time as he had before. His eyes were damp, head heavy and there was a pressure in his face. Negan wasn't used to feeling how he was feeling and hated himself for the weakness he was displaying.

"I'm losing my fucking mind," he said to himself. Negan tried to get comfortable and tugged more angrily at the chain on the wall. When he finally exhausted himself he laid down as best as he could and closed his eyes. His last thoughts before he passed out were about Alexandra. He prayed silently for her safety, the safety of the child and for freedom for all of them.

A lighter thought crossed his mind and Negan hadn't thought all that much about it. Would Alexandra give birth to a boy or a girl?


	43. New Life

Alexandra laid in her private room exhausted from giving birth. At the same time she felt a joy and a relief so great as she held the child in her arms that belonged to her and Negan. The doctors had taken the child for just a short time to run tests and to assure that everything had gone as smoothly as it appeared. When they decided things were fine they had the child back to Alexandra.

"What are you going to name her?" one of the female doctors asked with a wide smile.

 _Her._ Alexandra smiled. She had been so sure in her mind that they would have a son that she hadn't thought of as many female names. There was one that came to mind that she knew Negan would appreciate, and it happened to also be the name of her grandmother.

"Lucy," she replied with a smile, "After my grandmother." The claim wasn't a total lie, and Alexandra was satisfied when the woman smiled at her wide, not even remotely putting a connection between the name and Negan.

"She's beautiful."

"Thank you." Alexandra took a deep breath and ran her thumb down her daughter's cheek, touching her little hands and feet as she did.

"What a head of dark hair she has," the doctor went on, unable to contain a smile. She ran a hand over Lucy's head. "It's not every day we get miracles like this."

"I can't believe it," she admitted. "I was worried about what could happen to her. She's healthy?"

"6 pounds, 4 ounces," the woman nodded and continued to run her hand across the baby's small collection of hair.

Alexandra smiled and looked into the wondrous eyes of the child. They moved all around, as did her arms and legs in twitchy, unfamiliar motions.

"We'll keep her safe."

"Thank you." She couldn't take her eyes off of the perfect little person in her arms. Alexandra felt happy tears form in the corners of her eyes and she hugged Lucy a little closer. She wished Negan could have been there to witness something so natural and beautiful, but knew soon he would meet their daughter. "I love you," she whispered. Alexandra was aware that a baby in the world they lived in would need extra love and care. She was already so madly in love with their child that she had no fear for the future. All the two of them needed now was Lucy's father to protect them. Alexandra knew that Negan would be out soon and their family would be together.

...

Rick handed Negan his food and stared at him for an extra second. "Things are going well out there," he explained.

"Good to fuckin' know." Negan reached down and began to eat the small half of a peanut butter sandwich that Rick had brought him. He took a swig from the cup of water and when Rick didn't leave he decided to ask. "Anything interesting going on? What's so damn great about the way things are going?"

"We have ample food," Rick told him. "People get along."

"That it?" Negan took another sip and lifted his eyes to meet Rick's.

"That's plenty for now," he said with a nod. "Families are able to grow here. Eat. Sleep without worry."

"Families?" He stared him down now.

"Yeah." Rick's voice was low and scratchy. He cleared his throat. "We had a woman give birth to a baby girl today, in fact."

Negan didn't speak. He took in a breath through his nose and looked down for a moment.

"You see people can grow here," Rick went on, "Civilization is starting again. We're rebuilding... together." When Negan didn't look up Rick continued to stare at him. "Do you hear what I'm saying."

"Loud and fucking clear." Negan's voice was quiet. He made it a point to never show weakness in front of Rick or the others. He couldn't do that so easily with the news Rick had just passed on to him. He knew he was speaking of Alexandra and had unintentionally spilled the news that Negan had a newborn daughter.

"You-"

"Fuck Rick." Negan picked his head up with a wide grin and laughed despite the whirlwind of emotions that were flooding through him. "You fuckin' won." He shook his head and never lost his smile. "Fuckin' look at this shit." He tugged on the chain with his arm. "You fuckin' win."

"No." Rick shook his head. "The people up there... they won." He pointed with his index finger toward the ceiling, "The newborn child... new life..." Rick shook his head again. "It's all possible because you're down here now."

Negan couldn't keep a smirk from his face. The prideful part of him wanted to shout in Rick's face how completely wrong he was - at least about 'the woman' who gave birth.

Rick stared at him, unable to read the expression on his face. He appeared too carefree; there was too much joy on Negan's face.

"What the fuck are you still doing down here Rick?" Negan asked, still smiling.

He paused and spoke quietly. "I'm still trying to figure you out."

"Good luck with that shit." He leaned his head back against the wall and was tempted to ask more about the baby. Negan's impulsive nature was something that helped him strive in the world, but it was also a flaw. He wanted nothing more than to gloat about the child, and about Alexandra, but he kept his mouth shut behind a closed-mouth smile.

Rick stared for another moment and then turned and walked out.

Negan felt a fear in his heart for the newborn child. For whatever reason, he had never expected Alexandra to have a girl. A boy he could form into a warrior. He could teach him to fight; to kill if he needed to. As he got older he wouldn't have to worry about him being able to take care of himself, or what someone with bad intentions might do to him. Negan knew raising a daughter would be far different. He would teach her to fight, to live as a strong woman as she got older... but there was a whole extra set of worries that went along with being a female in a savage world.

"A daughter." He spoke quietly to himself. Negan laughed out loud and leaned back. "I have a fucking daughter."


	44. Bittersweet

For several days Alexandra stayed in the medical center with Lucy. She was so enamored with the child that she couldn't think of anything else. Never in her life did Alexandra think she could love something so much. It was a breath of fresh air. Of all the ways the world had changed for the worst, this was one element that hadn't.

Surprisingly there was plenty of baby clothing to go around. Alexandra accepted hand-me-downs from other parents whose children were much older now and was grateful for the hospitality.

When she finally found herself back at the house she felt tired and content. Randy and Sarah helped out with the child and Alexandra began to feel like herself again.

A week after Lucy was born Alexandra went against the wishes of her co-conspirators and snuck down into the basement with Sarah as her guide to see Negan. A part of her wanted to bring Lucy but she knew that wasn't realistic. Alexandra had to constantly remind herself to be patient.

When she saw Negan again after three long months she laughed and cried, hugging him fiercely and feeling content when he did the same. His kisses on her lips were desperate and needy, and Alexandra felt like flying when he expressed his joy for their situation.

"Lucy." Negan's eyes were saturated and he tried to smile but ended up putting his free hand over the lower half of his face. "Shit..." He took a deep breath and hugged her against him. "How are you fucking feeling?"

"I'm okay." Alexandra nodded and took a moment to lay against him. She closed her eyes as he stroked her hair and for a few seconds she allowed her mind to imagine they were back in their room at The Sanctuary.

Negan kissed her forehead and he tried to keep his voice steady with little success. "I fuckin' miss this shit." He let out a deep breath and looked down at Alexandra, urging her up toward him so he could kiss her.

She kissed him back, touching the side of his face gently at first before kissing him a little harder.

Alexandra let out a breath into his mouth. "I love you so much Negan. I'm going to get you out of here soon."

Negan kissed her once more, leaving his lips against hers as he spoke. "You fucking amaze me more every fucking day. Thank God I have you."

"And Lucy." Alexandra smiled and kissed him again.

"And Lucy." Negan smiled back and let Alexandra dry the areas beneath his eyes. He closed his eyes and put a hand over hers before bringing the back of her hand to his lips. "I need you."

"You got me." Alexandra whispered. She took a deep breath. "I have the whole trip mapped out to get out of here."

Negan believed in everything Alexandra stood for and he was on board with whatever she had planned. He trusted her like no one else since losing everything at the start of the apocalypse. In such savage conditions he hadn't thought that would be possible again - until the two of them were formally introduced through an odd twist of fate when he was injured.

"Honey..." He drew his fingers up her cheek and looked her in the eye. "I think the greatest thing that happened to me was breaking my collarbone."

Alexandra sighed and managed a smile and a tear simultaneously. All of their earliest memories flashed through her mind. "Clavicle."

The two of them shared a light laugh and then Negan shook his head and let his hand drift to her face again. "Get back home to Lucy," he said with a grin. "Then get me the fuck out of here so I can kiss you whenever the fuck I want. I can't wait another three fuckin' months."

Alexandra made their last kiss of the night last and tangled her hand in his hair against the back of his head. "I'll be back soon," she finally sighed against his lips.

"I know you will." Negan kissed her once and winked. "I can't wait to fuckin' meet her."

"Me too."Alexandra smiled and rose to her feet, keeping her fingers entwined with his for as long as she could before finally sneaking her way out of the cellar. Negan watched her go, feeling the loneliness sink back in when she left. Still, he knew his time locked away was almost up. Whatever Alexandra had planned, he knew, would set them both free.

When she arrived back at the house she wrapped Lucy in her arms and snuggled under a blanket on the couch, thanking Randy for taking the time to watch her when she went to visit Negan. Sarah fell asleep in an oversized chair a few feet away and Alexandra smiled at how content she looked. For a second the world was completely quiet and still. It gave her a minute to soak things in.

Alexandra felt rejuvenated after seeing Negan, but sitting so comfortably made her heart ache for him, knowing where he was at that moment - in the dark, cold basement with little lighting and a word of discomfort. She had never been one to cry easily, but lately it felt like the tears had a mind of their own and she sobbed as silently as possible from the collection of contradicting emotions that were pulling her in all directions. Negan was still chained to a wall in the basement. Lucy had been born a healthy baby and they were both on their way to proper recovery. She had gotten to not only see Negan that night, but also got to hug him and hold him and kiss him. It was all bittersweet at the moment.

When Lucy moved and made little sounds as she readjusted in her arms, Alexandra smiled and took a deep breath. She knew the hardest times were over and that a bright light was shining at the end of a very dark tunnel.

Soon, Alexandra thought, soon we'll be together as a family.


	45. Jail Break

Alexandra had been given supplies for Lucy from many members of the community. She had clothes for multiple ages, through infancy and kids clothes for years down the road. The truck was shocked to the maximum with supplies and Sarah had done her part, locating the small collection of keys that Rick and Michonne had towed with them when going to down feed Negan in the basement. Every so often they would switch the arm that was chained to the wall and Sarah knew one of the handful of keys would unlock him.

Randy held up his end of the plan, despite knowing the trouble he could get into after establishing good relationships at The Hilltop. He and Alexandra had come up with a story to justify her disappearance and a backup story in case Rick and the others put it together that she and Negan had run off together.

"If they figure it out?" Alexandra quizzed Randy.

Randy sighed, not wanting to throw her under the bus. "Then I suspected you and Negan had something going on behind my back but accepted Lucy as my own anyway."

"It's for your own good to say that if they figure out that I left with Negan," Alexandra said.

"You're sure about all this?" Randy's eyes were sympathetic but they showed concern.

"Of course I am."

"I don't want anything to happen to you out there."

Alexandra gave a small smile and then hugged him. "Been planning for months."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too Randy." Alexandra pulled back. "You've got a good thing going here... and that female doctor has a big smile for you."

Randy grinned for a moment and then shook his head. "We were the original doctors of the apocalypse."

"We were."

"Good team."

"Great team." She held up a hand and he high-fived her before leaning in and giving her another long hug.

"You're a great friend Randy. I can't believe all the things you've done for me... and for Lucy."

"Wish you could write or something."

Alexandra kisses him on the cheek. "Me too... but you'll be fine here. We'll be fine out there."

"As much as I don't completely love the guy, I know if you'd be safe with anyone left on this planet, it would be Negan." Randy nodded contently.

Alexandra smiled back. "This is it," she said with a sigh.

"This is it." Randy pulled up the good on her sweatshirt. "You pulled the truck up nearby?"

She nodded. "There's a white stripe on the wall just on the outside of the wall where Sarah built the steps so she and Negan can climb over."

"I can't believe all this." Randy laughed.

"Believe it." Sarah entered the room and leaned against the wall with her arms crossed.

Randy waved her to him and Sarah accepted a hug. "I'll miss you too."

She grinned. "I'll miss you Randy. You're a kick ass doctor."

He grinned and messed up her hair. "Be careful."

"Always." She pulled a black winter hat down over her ears and looked at Alexandra. "Meet you on the other side."

Alexandra felt her adrenaline pumping in her veins. It was all too real; too close. Negan's freedom was right around the corner and she tried not to think of the way things could go wrong. Their new life was soon to start, but all of the work they had put into making up a fool proof plan could potentially be squashed.

Don't be negative, she scolded herself, and then tucked Lucy neatly into a baby seat that hung off of her arm.

"Thanks again for everything Randy. You're going to have a long, happy life here." Alexandra nodded appreciatively and then headed out the door with Lucy.

...

Sarah felt an intensity brewing in her stomach like she had never before, even when sneaking around like it was quite literally her job so regularly. She knew this night was different, and that one mistake could ruin all of their efforts and Negan's freedom. Getting the keys wasn't a terribly difficult job for her, but the consequences were tremendous.

She watched Rick as he entered his home, eyeing a drawer through the window where she had seen him drop the key many times before. In perfect routine she watched him open it, drop the key ring and close it again before heading toward the staircase.

Sarah was happy to see that Carl wasn't home. It made her job easier. She waited until the light went off in an upstairs window and then eyes her surroundings before slipping in through a tiny window that led to the basement of the home.

The world around her was dark and Sarah waited until her eyes adjusted before pressing on toward the staircase that led up to the first floor. By a stroke of luck, the drawer with they keys was tucked off just to the right of the basement door that sat closed at the top of the stairs. Seeing that Rick had just put them away Sarah knew they would be on top. All she had to do now was climb the stairs, open the door, step inside a foot or so, grab the keys and head back down the way she came.

No one will look for the keys until the morning, she suspected.

With a deep breath she kept her feet as light as possible, taking each stair in the darkness slowly and listening for movement above. She took a deep breath with the occasional creak beneath her sneakers, but pressed on when she realized she was still unheard.

Sarah counted each step in her mind as she went, feeling her face grow hotter the closer to the door she got.

Three more... two more... one more. Sarah stood with her hand on the silver doorknob listening for any indicators that someone was in the immediate area. Aside from her own breaths and the thud of he heart and her chest there was nothing.

Slowly, her fingers twisted around the handle and she pushed the door open a few inches without a sound.

The kitchen was vacant, and there were no footsteps, or voices or any other form of life. She hesitated, listening for far longer than necessary before stepping into the kitchen in a stealthy fashion.

Sarah eyes the drawer and looked in all directions before gently grabbing the knob and pulling it open.

The keys sat on top of a pile of junk - papers, pens and other clutter. She took a deep breath in and reached for the keys, holding her breath when a quiet jingle filtered through the room as the keys clanked together.

Sarah secured them in her palm and stared in all directions. Again, there was nothing. She knew time wasn't on her side, and getting out was the key now. Without another thought she sucked back into the basement door, carefully shut it behind her and slid down the banister, landing securely on her feet on the cement floor below.

Sarah darted to the tiny window, pushed herself up into the short ledge and felt a wave of relief when the fresh air welcomed her back outside.

From where she stood she could see the very top of the brick building and smiled to herself. Sarah ducked into the shadows along the wall and made her way through the now familiar territory, entering the building through the back door, slinking down the short staircase and hurrying to where Negan sat slumped on the ground.

His head lifted when he saw Sarah and she dangled the keys in front of her with a grin that matched his.

"Un-fucking-believable." Negan chuckled.

Sarah tossed the keys to his free hand as she approached him. "Let's blow this joint."


	46. Road to a New Life

The night was dark; still. A constant sound of bugs chirping to each other in their own private language filled the air. Other than that, the world was quiet.

Alexandra sat in the driver's seat of the big, black pickup truck that was tucked neatly under the cover of trees. She slumped down low with the doors locked and Lucy propped neatly just behind her in the car seat. All of it had been carefully planned; mapped out. The truck faced a small clear that lead down a short hill and was not yet running, but the set of keys hung lazily from the ignition. Two forms of luck had come Alexandra's way in that there were no walkers in the immediate area and Lucy was fast asleep.

In the bed of the truck were supplies packed to full capacity beneath the cover of a large gray tarp and harnessed with bungee cords. The vehicle was perfect for the situation they were getting themselves into and at the very least they would be stocked with food, water, ammunition and plenty of supplies for Lucy.

The minutes felt like hours, and Alexandra felt as if a whole day had passed since she had been sitting there. She prayed no one would discover her beneath the cover of darkness. She eyed the white stripe that traveled the length of the wall and knew she was in perfect position. Now, she continued to wait for Negan and Sarah to emerge over the top of the wall.

Time had begun to feel abstract, and Alexandra was having a hard time deciding if too much time had gone by.

 _Should they be here by now?_ she wondered.

A list of negative outcomes began to plague her mind, and Alexandra subconsciously tapped her thumb against the steering wheel in a nervous tick. "Come on..." she urged quietly to herself, praying for a sign that they were alright. Alexandra looked over her shoulder at Lucy again who was sleeping peacefully, unaware of all the dangers that lurked around them.

She swallowed hard, wanting now more desperately than ever for Negan to meet his daughter. They were so close it was almost too much to handle. A letdown at the final moment would be devastating; crushing.

Alexandra stared up at the top of the wall and waited. She counted to thirty and then restarted, attempting to keep her mind busy with little tricks. She scanned the area again, making sure it was clear and then refocused a second time on the same spot on the wall.

 _Be patient_ , she told herself and then dually noted that she had practiced patience for so long already. "Can't I get a break?" she asked allowed, looking upward as she spoke quietly to herself.

Alexandra sighed and this time when she looked back she saw movement at the top of the wall. She sat straight up in the seat and felt her breathing begin to pick up. When she first saw Sarah and then Negan as he trailed her over the side into the woods she felt as if her prayers had been answered.

Every part of Alexandra wanted to flash the lights and honk the horn, but when the passenger door opened and Negan slid inside, followed by the words, "Hit it honey," she knew their plan had worked.

Alexandra almost froze from the elated shock that they had made it over the walls out of The Hilltop, but her brain registered the necessity to get out of there and she quickly turned on the engine before slowly rolling the car through the clearing, down the hill and onto a back road that matched up along the lines of Daryl's exit plan.

Negan took a deep breath once they got to the road and then looked across the way at Alexandra, putting a hand on her knee for a moment and looked into the back seat, spotting Lucy right away.

Alexandra glanced over at him for a moment and caught the perfect moment when the look on his face was a combination of awe, shock and happiness all at once. She wished she could snap a photo to keep with her for when the memory faded in time, but Negan's expression in that moment made the struggle of it all worth it.

He glanced back at Alexandra and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek as she drove and then climbed into the backseat in between Sarah and the baby. Negan stared down at the sleeping child for a moment, not wanting to wake her and then ran a hand over the thin locks of hair that covered her head.

"So this is what I've been missing." He didn't take his eyes off of her. "Shit... fuck, I can't believe this shit." Negan chuckled to himself.

Alexandra sighed. "You won't have to miss anymore."

"I don't plan on it." Negan unbuckled Lucy and lifted her into his arms, causing her to make a few noises in her own baby language without opening her eyes. When he laid her upright against his chest she rested her head there, gripping the fabric of his shirt with her tiny hand.

Alexandra glanced in the rear view mirror and wanted nothing more than to pull over and join them. She felt her throat tighten and her eyes grow damp before she let silent tears stream down her face.

Negan closed his eyes and leaned all the way back, stroking the back of Lucy's head as he began to hum lightly in her ear. "You know where you're goin'?" He asked Alexandra.

She swallowed hard and composed herself for a moment before responded after a sniffle. "Yeah..."

Negan opened his hand and leaned forward to gently squeeze the back of her neck. She put her hand over his for a moment and cleared her throat before putting both hands back on the wheel.

"Thank you for saving me," he said quietly, digging his fingers in Alexandra's shoulder. Negan then looked to Sarah with a smirk and exhausted eyes. "I needed my girls. You came through."

"Bet your ass we did." Sarah smiled at him and Negan managed a chuckle before leaning back and closing his eyes again. He held Lucy securely against his chest and then went on, humming baby hymns until he finally dozed off with Lucy in his arms.

Alexandra tried to tell herself that it was all real but her mind wouldn't allow her to. There were no other cars around and no one on their tail. From what she could tell Negan's break out went off without a hitch and they were well on their way to a new life together.

 _It's real_ , she told herself.

The road ahead was dark and winding, but Alexandra knew the land. She had memorized the navigation to the initial portion of the trip. Daryl had sent her right in this direction, and soon they would be off the beaten path as the truck cruised far south of The Hilltop, Alexandria and the former Sanctuary. While it was sad knowing they would never go back to where they started, Alexandra was more than ready to begin her new life with Negan, Lucy and Sara - no matter where they ended up.


	47. Cabin in the Woods

Negan woke up to the sound of Alexandra's voice. It was far away at first and for a moment he thought it was a part of a dream. When he opened his eyes and saw her face through the open door of the truck he looked around to take in his surroundings.

There were trees all around them with a house set in the middle of a clearing. He thought he could make out a fence in the distance, but with the low lights of early morning it was hard to tell. The world appeared almost distant and unreal in a sense that it was quiet - almost too quiet.

"This ain't a fuckin' dream is it?" He glanced at Lucy in her arms and then back to Alexandra.

"We're here." She tried to smile but the emotional nature of the situation kept her from doing so.

"We're where?" Negan heard the door shut behind him and glanced over his shoulder to see Sarah rounding the car.

"A cabin... it's isolated... there's a fence surrounding the yard."

Negan hopped out of the truck and looked around. He reached for a gun on Alexandra's belt and then looked around as the sun barely began to bring light to a new day. "The undead?"

"Not here."

"You checked?"

"The house and the perimeter," Alexandra told him.

"You checked it all?" He asked, "...by your fucking self?"

"Yes." She nodded.

Negan couldn't be angry with her but looked her in the eye. "You have me now," he explained. "Leave that shit to me. Okay?"

Alexandra missed Negan's hard-headed assertiveness. She couldn't help but smile. "Okay."

Negan shook his head and then cracked a smile. He reached his hands out and took Lucy.

"Don't you want to double check?" she asked him, still smiling as Negan cradled their child's head in the nook of his arm.

"Nah. I fuckin' trust you." He admired their child for a moment. "How far are we from The Hilltop?"

"Drove for over an hour south. The truck is packed with supplies."

"House is clear you said?"

"Yeah. One floor, no basement, five rooms and a back porch." Alexandra nodded confidently. "Nothing in the attic either."

"Gas stove," Sarah added.

Negan glanced at her and then back to Alexandra. "Impressed with the two of you would be a fucking understatement." He sighed and looked around, knowing they had to get down to business before anything else. It was how he survived in the first place. "Let's unload some of this shit. Get it the fuck inside."

"You should rest first." Alexandra looked him up and down.

"Honey. I don't want anybody coming this way and stealing our shit. We bring it all in now and then we can rest." He walked up to her and softened up, throwing his arms around her and Lucy before leaving a kiss on her lips. "You need to rest more than I do. Don't even try to fuckin' fight me on that shit."

"Are we gunna talk all damn day or are we going to unload?" Sarah put her hands on her hips and looked up at them.

Negan cracked a smile and turned around. "I think we're going to get along just fuckin' fine." He motioned with his head to the truck. "Let's hurry up."

* * *

Negan laid on his back in the center of a bed. His eyes were closed and Alexandra sat at the edge of it with Lucy in her arms.

"How'd you know about this place?" He asked.

"I didn't," she confessed. "Just the first place we came across that seemed to work."

"Great fuckin' job on the ammo and all the other supplies by the way." He grinned without opening his eyes. "I underestimated what you were fuckin' telling me down in that cellar."

"Did you have enough to eat?"

"Yeah." Negan sighed. "Bath felt fucking great... even though it was ice fucking cold." He laughed to himself. "I guess I needed a cold shower. It's been almost a year since we've fucked."

Alexandra smiled to herself and then Negan lifted his head with a laugh as he made eye contact with her. She laughed lightly and looked down at Lucy. "I miss..." she lowered her voice and decided to use his language to finish the sentence, "...fucking you." Alexandra shook her head. "I can't yet."

"I'm too tired for that shit right now anyway." Negan waved her to him. "Where's the kid? She safe or out prowling around?"

"Asleep in the next room," Alexandra explained. "She boarded up the windows and the door into the hall is open." She glanced down at Lucy, who was sleeping after a fussy afternoon.

Alexandra walked across the room and laid her down in a makeshift crib she was given by the people of The Hilltop. For a few seconds she stood over her, looking down at the child in ways she had never looked at anyone - even Negan.

When Alexandra turned back around she saw Negan's chest rising and falling as he laid beneath a quilt in the center of the bed.

She checked the house again, making sure the doors were locked and boarded shut as they had left them. When all appeared secure she glanced in at Sarah, who was sound asleep just a few feet away in the neighboring room and then slipped in beside Negan.

He stirred slightly, making room for her next to him in bed and then wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing the top of her neck before sighing and closing his eyes.

"I miss this," Alexandra said quietly, tangling a foot in between his and locking their fingers.

"Me too." Negan pulled her closer and sighed another time. "I fucking love you."

She sighed, enjoying the warmth of his body against hers and the contentment of the moment."Mmm... I love you too."


	48. Family

The night was still and typically someone would have kept watch if they weren't exhausted from the trip. After nine months of eating next to nothing while chained to a wall in a dark basement, Negan couldn't even bring himself to suggest it, despite the obvious fact that one wrong move could mean their lives.

In vivid nightmares his old surroundings came back to him, the sights and scents haunting his dreams from the despairing conditions. Negan felt the lack of movement in his arm as he struggled to sleep with it chained to the wall. When he yanked his arm forward with great force, the brick behind him shattered to pieces and his arm was suddenly free. That was when he woke up.

Negan sat upright in bed, breathing hard and then looked down at his hands. When it registered that he was free and in the cabin Alexandra had discovered some twenty-four hours before he took a long, deep breath and laid flat down on his back. Never in his life did Negan appreciate the feel of a pillow against his head and the ability to shift positions as he slept. The stint in the prison unable to move had taken its toll on him mentally and physically.

"What's wrong?" Alexandra's sleepy voice alerted him to her presence and he sighed, placing his hand over hers as she draped it across his stomach.

Negan felt beads of sweat decorating his forehead and he stripped off the t-shirt he wore before laying back down. He re-positioned the two of them so he was cuddled behind her and let out another sigh. "Just a dream," he said quietly.

"Do you need anything?" Alexandra asked, tilted her head back in his direction just slightly. "Water? Something to eat?"

He cleared his throat and closed his eyes. "Just you doll." Negan laid awake for a few minutes, sensing Alexandra had drifted back off to sleep and then climbed out of bed.

The cool air coated his body and he felt refreshed for a moment once the blankets were off. Negan glanced at Alexandra once and then to Lucy before heading down the hall into the kitchen. When he found Sarah awake sitting on a stood by the back door with a gun he ran a hand through his hair.

"What the hell are you doing up kid?" he asked quietly.

"Watching the house." She didn't look over at him, simply stared out into the woods the lurked just beyond a spacious back yard.

Negan glanced out the window. "Any undead?"

"Not yet. Fence probably keeps some of 'em out."

He slowly walked to the table and reached underneath where they'd stored water earlier in the day and grabbed a jug, beginning to chug it and then took a deep breath.

"There's a well, ya know," Sarah told him, finally glancing in his direction.

"Yeah I know." He saw the somber look on her face. "Go to bed kid. I'll keep watch."

"No, I've got it."

Negan smirked. "Look... you've been a big help and I owe you a fuckin' lot... but I'm officially reclaiming my position of the boss in our little..." He struggled to come up with the right word to finish the sentence.

"Family." Sarah looked at him with serious eyes.

He looked back, pressing his eyebrows together for a moment. "Yeah... sure, kid... our family; our group."

She nodded and hopped off the stool. Negan held out a hand and Sarah placed the gun in it. "Lucy must be as tired as the rest of us because she hasn't slept this long through the night... ever," she told him.

Negan sighed. "You helped out Alex back at The Hilltop?"

Sarah nodded. "Hate to admit it... but Randy too. The three of us."

"I appreciate that shit." He sighed. "I wish you would've stayed. The road ain't a place for a kid."

"I'm not your ordinary kid."

"Can't argue there." Negan took another swig from the water jug and offered Sarah some but she shook her head. "Get to bed then."

She nodded and left the kitchen without another word leaving Negan in the dark by himself. He looked around, letting his eyes adjust and then scaled the rooms of the cabin again with a much more clear mind. The entire day before felt like a warped dream and he knew he had to be familiar with the surroundings. The scenario itself all felt far too good to be true. Negan wondered how the cabin was in such good shape, though minimal in supplies. There were a few walkers they'd dealt with nearby but not many, and the immaculate nature of the place made him hold his own suspicions.

He was tempted to go outside but decided not to remove the boards over the doors in the middle of the night. Exploring could certainly wait until the sun came up.

Negan sat down in an oversized chair by a window that overlooked the front yard and stared out into the darkness. The elements of the yard stood out - small bushes and trees the outline of the truck that they'd positioned to the side. He was pleased to know they were off the road by a considerable distance, but still felt inside that something _had_ to be out of place.

 _It's paranoia_ , he thought to himself. Years and years in the apocalyptic conditions had programmed his brain to think that if something seemed too good to be true then it had to be. Nothing thus far, however, showed concrete evidence of that and so he continued to ponder scenarios in his head as to how they had stumbled onto such a perfect place, or how the place even existed at all.

Lucy's faint cry from the bedroom snapped Negan's thoughts in another direction and he rose to his feet, tucking the gun into the waistband of the sweatpants he wore and wandered down the hall.

Alexandra was already hunched over the crib, lifting her up.

"I got it." Negan reached his hands out.

"No, it's okay." Alexandra flashed him a sleepy smile but Negan shook his head.

"Please," he offered, "Go back to sleep."

"She, uh, she might just need to eat." She looked down toward her breasts for a moment and gave a chuckle, prompting Negan to snicker and put his hands up.

"Can't argue with that shit."

Alexandra rocked Lucy for a moment and then went to sit in an old rocking chair in the corner of the room as she began to feed the child.

Negan could see she was self-conscious in the way she sat angled away from him and he so he squatted down in front of her. "You don't have to be all fuckin' embarrassed about this shit."

"It's new for me too," she admitted, but smiled.

"Did Randy witness this?"

Alexandra smiled. "Is that a little jealousy I hear in your voice?"

"Did he?" Negan gave a barely there smile and felt satisfied as Alexandra shook her head.

"No," she told him. "But even if he had..." She shook her head and shrugged.

He stood up and placed a hand on the side of her face and then kissed her on the cheek before running a hand through her hair. "You're fuckin' beautiful honey."

"Stop." Alexandra didn't exactly feel beautiful. She felt achy and sweaty and a little chaotic. At the same time she felt an overabundance of happiness with Lucy in her arms and Negan back by her side.

"Stop what?" He slipped behind her as she sat in the chair and gently massaged where her shoulders met her neck.

Alexandra sighed but didn't respond and enjoyed the present time for a moment.

"Soon as you're done doing what you're doing give her to me and go back to sleep."

"You must be exhausted Negan."

"I was," he admitted, "But I'm wide awake now. Sarah was up keeping watch of the house and I relieved her of her duties. Someone has to keep watch, and frankly I want to spend a little time with our daughter."

Alexandra smiled and nodded. "Okay." She let out a deep breath when Negan leaned down and kissed the area just below her earlobe a few times. "God, I miss you touching me," she admitted with a tired laugh.

"Fuck... you and me both." Negan let out a deep breath through his nose and walked back around the chair as Alexandra finished feeding Lucy. She looked at him and used one hand to pull his face to hers, giving him a long, deep kiss that nearly left both of them out of breath. "You can't kiss me like that doll." Negan chuckled.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, laughing against his lips as he kissed her again. When Lucy mumbled baby drabbling and kicked her feet Alexandra handed her over to him. "She's all yours."

Negan smiled and looked down at Lucy and then back up to Alexandra. He was about to kiss her again but didn't and glanced over his shoulder at the bed. "Go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm always fucking sure."

Alexandra smiled at him. She kissed him once more and then made her way back under the covers as Negan made his way back down the hall toward the living room where he sat back down in the chair so he could see outside. He looked down at Lucy in his arms, who's eyes looked around taking everything in. "I hope things are different when you grow up," he said to her. Negan looked back out the window. Having Lucy in his arms made him suddenly crave a better, safer future. "Yeah, I hope things are a lot fucking different."


	49. After Dinner

**Made a Negan/Alexandra video if anyone is interested: www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=kIgvjHnCevM Used clips from The Walking Dead and The Good Wife :)**

Several weeks had gone by with only minimal threats of walkers in the area. Everything felt calm; still. A fresh water spring ran about a quarter of a mile back into the woods as a source they regularly collected from and stored.

Negan still held his suspicions, spending most of his nights sitting awake waiting for someone to come or something to go wrong. He felt something was bound to happen, though each night came and went with nothing new. Still, he never sat back on his heels. He was always prepared for the worst.

Sarah enjoyed keeping watch and Negan often scolded her for running around the terrain on her own without supervision. Her free spirit was what kept her alive, so while she obeyed most of the time, her curiosity got the best of her every now and then and she would roam.

"I found the water source," was her claim to fame each time Negan told her to stay put.

Alexandra spent most of her days with Lucy and did all of the cooking. Their supplies hadn't begun to run thin, as she packed for months on end for the situation they were in now. She made sure everything was rationed so everyone got enough to stay satisfied, but made sure they didn't overdo it.

She sat back in a chair that hung off a small front porch with Lucy and watched as Negan chopped firewood, sending splinters of wood in all directions. There was a pile to his left and Alexandra suddenly had a fleeting, insecure thought.

Lucy reached an arm up in her direction and she smiled, wondering if her daughter somehow knew of the feeling in some instinctive way.

"Hey kid!" Negan shouted. "Come take a few of these baskets of wood back to the house!"

Alexandra stood up, prepared to lay Lucy down inside so she could help but Negan turned to her as he saw her rise to her feet.

"Stay up there," he shouted, drawing the back of his hand across his forehead to wipe off the sweat. "Stay with Lucy." Negan went back to chopping as Sarah collected the wood and hurried up the three stairs that led past Alexandra into the house.

"Fuck..." Negan stopped and leaned on the end of the ax for a moment and squatted down.

Alexandra looked out toward him and sighed. "Negan." He turned to her. "That should be enough."

He took a deep breath and stood back up. "Gotta finish the rest of this shit."

Alexandra wanted to insist that they had plenty of wood for now but she knew my that if Negan didn't think so then he wouldn't let up until he was satisfied.

For a short time more she watched him and then stood up from the chair was the sun began to set. "I'm going to put on some soup for dinner!" She called to him.

"Yup." Negan heaved the ax down again and then removed another another block of wood without looking up.

Alexandra sighed and wandered inside, finding Sarah counting the bins of wood she had brought in.

"Making soup," Alexandra explained. She carefully set Lucy down in her seat and then grabbed a few cans from the cabinet.

"I'll light some candles," Sarah offered as the kitchen began to feel dark.

Alexandra smiled and then proceeded to prepare their meal for the night. As good as it was she never felt completely satisfied. After being so well fed at the former communities she recognized how spoiled she actually had been. A part of her felt a little selfish for not appreciating the food and supplies they had. Alexandra wondered if Negan felt any regret for the life he had pursued with her. He had been on top for so long and now they were back to scrambling and fighting for necessities.

She sighed, beginning to stir the soup with a wooden spoon as Sarah wandered from room to room lighting candles.

"You know what kind of sucks?" Her young counterpart said, finally re-entering the kitchen.

"What?"

"Now would be the time when I would probably start to have my first big crush on school." Sarah smiled. "I feel like I'm never going to have what you and Negan have. Even back at The Sanctuary... there were no boys... not my age anyway. Even one-eyed Carl was too old... not that I would have considered dating crazy Carl anyway."

Alexandra chuckled at the final sentence and then felt an ache in her chest for Sarah. She knew how different things would be for her if the world had been the way it used to be. "You don't want to be chasing boys at 12 years old anyway."

"I'm almost 13," Sarah claimed. "When did you have your first boyfriend?"

"Oh wow... hmm... I think I had my first real crush in middle school... Scott Davidson." Alexandra laughed at the thought. "But a boyfriend... not until high school."

"Was it Scott?"

She shook her head. "No... a boy named Mike."

"No Scotts or Mikes for me."

"Why'd you start thinking about all this?" Alexandra asked. She tapped the side of the pan with the spoon.

"I don't know." Sarah shrugged. "It crosses my mind from time to time."

She walked over and gave Sarah a hug and kisses the top of her head. "Even though I still think you're too young o be worrying about boys, I was definitely your age when I really started thinking about them." Alexandra sighed, "There are some out there somewhere, ya know."

"I may have to make that my next mission," Sarah joked.

"I can't tell if you're kidding." Alexandra snickered. "Why don't you go take a bath and when you're done dinner will be ready."

"Sure." Sarah didn't argue. She wandered down the hall and Alexandra went back to the stove. A few minutes later Negan walked in with the last armfuls of wood and placed them in the back corner of the kitchen.

"Anymore?" Alexandra asked him.

"No, this is it." He huffed as he freed his hands of it all and then put his hands on his hips and stared across the room.

"You okay?"

"Fuckin' tired," Negan admitted. He sat down in a chair at the kitchen table.

"Do you... are you happy?" Alexandra knew the question was sappy, cliche and a bit out of place considering the circumstances, but she had to ask. The question had hung in her mind all afternoon.

Negan made a face and then chuckled. "Well things are certainly better than they were in the fuckin' basement at The Hilltop." A grin lingered on his face and then he looked her up and down. "This is a deeper fucking question than I'm realizing."

Alexandra shook her head. "No, forget it." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Come here." Negan waved a hand at her.

She gave a small smile, "I'm being-"

He smiled wider. "I said come here." Negan's demand was playful and he guided her onto his lap as she approached him. "You don't mean am I happy here with you, do you?"

Alexandra looked into his smiling eyes and felt relaxed by his smile. "You had it all before."

"I have it all now." Negan's dimples highlighted his wide grin and then he gently pulled her face to his and left a long kiss on her lips.

Alexandra sighed and left her forehead against his.

"Stop worrying about that shit," Negan said quietly. He chuckled against her lips and kissed her playfully again. "We're rebuilding. I started off the apocalypse this way without Lucille there by my side... Second time around I got you, so yeah, given the circumstances." Negan leaned back in the chair so she could read his eyes. "I'd say I'm fuckin' happy."

Alexandra studied his expression and then leaned in to kiss him again. Almost immediately her desire heightened and she kissed him harder.

"I, uh..." Negan began but Alexandra pressed herself against him as tightly as she could. His eyes closed and a pained look lingered on his face. "Can you do this? Where's Sarah?"

"The bathroom." Alexandra wanted to carry on right there in the kitchen but she forced herself to stand up.

Negan slowly opened his eyes and swallowed hard.

"For the first time..." Alexandra put a hand on his shoulder but kept herself an arm's length away. "I think I can... I mean yeah... yeah it's been almost six weeks since giving birth. That's the magic number right?"

"You tell me." He tipped his mouth up in a closed-mouth smile and then put his hands behind his head and crossed one foot over the other.

"Yeah." Alexandra nodded and laughed when he laughed. "Yeah."

Negan pulled her back to him and kissed her for a moment. Alexandra sighed as they parted again.

"After dinner?" She asked, feeling him chuckle against her.

"Whatever you want doll."

Alexandra didn't want to part from him but backed away when she heard the bathroom door open.

"Bathroom's free," Sarah exclaimed and then her footsteps hurried down the hall.

Negan stood up from where he sat, never taking his eyes off Alexandra, "I think I may need to jump in there for a cold shower." He drew his hand across her stomach as he passed by and Alexandra laughed lightly as he ducked into the bathroom.

She wandered back to the stove, seeing steam beginning to rise from the pot of soup. A smile took over her face and she took a few minutes to interact with Lucy before tending to the dinner again.

The feeling in the pit of her stomach made her feel awake and alive. For the first time in awhile, she couldn't wait for dinner to be over.


	50. Lighten the Mood

Alexandra laid on top of Negan with a smile on her face and rested her chin on her hands that were folded across his chest.

Negan laughed lightly and toyed with a few strands of her hair. "I don't think I've ever seen you eat dinner so fast."

She giggled and bit down on her bottom lip before raising her eyebrows with a shrug. "You looked so good chopping wood earlier... what can I say?"

He laughed lightly again and positions his hands on her lower back beneath the covers. "Is that all it would have took?"

Alexandra sighed. "Believe me, I've wanted to way before tonight."

"You're so fucking unbelievable Alexandra."

"So are you." She smiled at him.

"I mean it... I'm a selfish fucking bastard for going along with the plan you guys come up with to get me out of The Hilltop." He let out a breath through his nose. "I can't believe the shit you went through and had to pull together for that all to happen the way it fuckin' did."

"Why are you selfish for that?"

"You could be living comfortably at the community."

"I'm comfortable right here." Alexandra let a grin spread slowly across her face and she leaned up to touch her lips to his.

Negan closed his eyes and laid there for a moment. "If anyone should be making sure the other is happy, I should fuckin' be the one asking you."

"Well if me laying naked on top of you with a smile on my face doesn't answer that question then I don't know what will."

Negan let out a chuckle and then reached a hand up to trace the edge of her face. "I fucking love you. Shit all fuckin' changed when I realized that shit. I thought I had it all figured out."

"What do you mean?"

"This post-end of the world shit, if that's what it is. I've done some bad fucking things to people. The undead are walking all around us. Shit's fucking terrible compared to the way it used to be. It's a dark fuckin' world now." He reached up to play with her hair again. "And then... out of nowhere there's you." Negan cracked a half smile. "There's just fucking you."

Alexandra gave a small smile back and leaned down to kiss him again. "I love you. When I thought you were dead I didn't know what to do."

"We have to find another community," Negan told her, "Eventually. This place is perfect for now... but eventually supplies will run out and if a larger group stumbles upon this place we'll be shit outta luck when it comes to fighting back." She nodded and Negan guided her lips back to his when he saw her face grow more serious at the thought. "But that won't be for a little while."

"You're right though. We won't be able to stay here forever."

Negan didn't want to think about the future right then. He didn't want to change Alexandra's mood when things were fine in the moment. "We've made it over the toughest hurdles," he assured her. "We'll figure shit out."

Alexandra smiled and nodded. She glanced over at the crib to make sure Lucy was still asleep. Negan followed her gaze and then looked back up at her.

"You're a good mother," he said simply.

She glanced back down at him. "And you're saying all the right things tonight."

"Don't I always baby?" Negan winked and they shared a laugh before he initiated a make-out session, wrapping his arms around her before rolling himself on top of her so they were twisted in the sheets.

Alexandra laughed out loud and Negan silenced her with another kiss, laughing out a quiet, "Shh," as he did. "You'll wake up Lucy."

She chuckled against his lips and felt him smiling as they continued to kiss. Alexandra enjoyed their lighthearted foreplay as they got to know each other again on the physical level that had been stripped from both of them for so long. She closed her eyes with a quiet moan as he pushed inside of her and smiled when she heard him laugh.

"It's like riding a bike," he claimed with a grin.

Alexandra continued to smile back and pulled his face down to hers by the back of his head. When the headboard hit the wall she opened her eyes and put her hands on his chest to stop him. He looked down and Alexandra pointed toward the wall.

"What?" he asked.

"Sarah," she whispered.

"The kid's in the living room keeping watch until I get out there."

"She's awake?"

"Yeah." Negan's response was nonchalant.

"So, the first time..."

"She didn't hear anything." Alexandra put a finger up to her lips as he spoke and Negan laughed. "Fuck... didn't have to worry about this shit at The Sanctuary."

There was a light knock at the door and the two of them made eye contact for a minute before Negan hopped out of bed, motioning to Alexandra to pretend to be asleep. He threw on a pair of pants and swung open the door with a big yawn. "What?" he asked.

"Your turn." Sarah's face stared up at him.

"My turn?"

"To keep watch."

"What're you the fucking boss now?" Negan chuckled. "Go to bed." He went to close the door but she put a hand up to block it.

"Someone has to."

"I'm awake," he told her, motioning to her room. "I've got it... now do what I fuckin' told you."

"Fine." Sarah glared at him and walked into her room. She slowly closed the door to prolong her outpour of annoyance with him and Negan chuckled to himself when the door finally closed. He went back into the bedroom with Alexandra and closed the door behind him.

"Okay." He told her with a smile, hopping back in bed.

"Okay?" Alexandra raised her eyebrows.

Negan nodded. "Yeah... okay." He leaned in to kiss her and Alexandra kissed him back for a moment before pulling away despite her urge not to. He raised his eyebrows and looked her up and down before getting up and grabbing the bed from one side, sliding it away from the wall by several feet, and then doing the same on the other side.

"What are-" Alexandra began but Negan pinned her beneath him on the bed and kissed her more aggressively.

When he felt her get into it he pulled back and laughed. "Problem solved."

Alexandra threw the covers over both of them and initiated a kiss that left Negan moaning into her mouth. "Problem solved?" she asked quietly.

He snickered again and felt her grin match his as their lips touch while he spoke. "I'll go real... real slow."


	51. Doorstep Note

Negan awoke to see Alexandra in the corner of the room with Lucy. She sat in the rocking chair swaying back and forth and turned to him when she saw him sit up in bed.

"You were talking in your sleep," she told him.

"I prefer reality to my fuckin' dreams." Negan pushed back so his back rested against the wooden headboard. "Can I have Lucy?"

Alexandra smiled and walked her over, sliding their child into his arms and sat on the edge of the bed.

"She looks like you," Negan told her.

"She's got your dark hair... and when she makes certain faces it looks like she has the tiniest little dimples."

Negan smiled. "Guess she's definitely mine." He raised his eyes to Alexandra's, awaiting her playful look of displeasure and then chuckled when she glared at him with a smile.

"Had your doubts?"

"I don't know," he teased, still grinning, "You and Randy were awfully close."

Alexandra made a face. "I hope you're kidding."

"Course I am doll." He continued to chuckle. "I know mine is the only one you need."

"More than you know."

"Oh I know." Negan raised his eyebrows and held a smirk. Alexandra slowly smiled back at him. "For not wanting to wake the kid last night you were kind of, uh..."

She laughed and smacked him in the shoulder. "Stop."

Negan laughed with her. "You're going to upset Lucy."

"No tie on the doorknob, I'm coming in!" Sarah's voice shouted and then she burst through the door looking slightly out of breath.

Negan gave Alexandra a look and she was about to ask Sarah where she heard that before but she held out a piece of paper.

"What's that?" Negan asked, waving a hand toward her with his free arm.

"I don't know." Sarah's eyes were filled with the slightest hint of fear.

Negan exchanged another quick look with Alexandra and then he reached for the paper.

Lucy began to cry and Alexandra took her as Negan studied the paper.

Alexandra couldn't hold back on her curiosity. "What is it?"

Negan's eyes scanned the paper and then motioned to Sarah. "Go lock up." She hurried out of the room.

"Negan-" Alexandra began and he turned to her.

"It's a fucking note." He hopped out of bed and began to get dressed. "Stay away from the window."

"Is it a threat? Is it Rick?"

Negan shook his head. "I don't fuckin' know but they mentioned Lucy." He handed it to her and reached for a black Tshirt as Sarah re-entered the room with a pair of guns a few seconds later. "Thanks kid."

"Someone knows we're here." Alexandra spoke her thoughts aloud and studied the words written on the paper. "It says they mean no harm."

"Yeah, I think if they wrote: I want your shit and I'll kill if you if I need to would be a turn off." Negan threw on his boots and made sure there were bullets in the gun. He reached gently for Alexandra's hand and towed her with him into the hallway. "No windows here. Just sit tight." He glanced down at Lucy who continued to cry and closed his eyes for a minute, leaning back against the wall.

"They said they're part of a community."

"Fuck..." Negan said quietly. He opened his eyes. "I had a bad fucking feeling."

"About what?"

"Things were too neat here; too put together."

Alexandra felt her fear rise up a bit. "You think it's some kind of a set up?"

Sarah peeked her head around the corner from the living room and Negan waved her toward them. "Whoever left this could've already killed us or took things," she said quietly. "But they didn't."

"Could've been one fucking person going back to where ever it is they came from to get more fucking people." Negan glanced down at Lucy again, who began to calm down as Alexandra repositioned her against her chest and rocked up and down.

"Why would they leave a note?" Alexandra asked, quietly whispering soothing "shh's" to Lucy. "If they wanted to cause us harm they could have."

"I don't trust this shit." Negan hurried into a third room where they stored most of the guns and ammunition. Alexandra followed him in and watched as he loaded several handguns and put them in his waistband before reaching for a rifle.

"What are we going to do?" she asked.

"Protect this fuckin' house." He looked at Lucy again for a moment in her arms.

"We can't shoot around her." Alexandra swallowed hard and her eyes begged him to somehow fix the situation.

Negan reached for the note in her hand again and re-read it in his mind.

 **WE WOULD LIKE YOU TO JOIN OUR GROWING COMMUNITY. WE HAVE WATCHED YOU FOR SEVERAL WEEKS AND WE FEEL AS THOUGH YOU WOULD FIT IN WITH US. WE HAVE SUPPLIES FOR YOUR BABY AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP. WE MEAN NO HARM.**

"Who the fuck says we have watched you?" Negan huffed and threw up his hands before shaking his head with a non-humorous smile. "Fuck!" He threw the note down.

"We don't know it's a bad thing," Alexandra said, "Last night you said we needed to find a community."

"Maybe they sent this note so we wouldn't be freaked out if a random dude showed up at the door," Sarah suggested.

Negan walked toward the window in the room they were in and peered out through the blinds. "It could even be the fucking Hilltop people."

"They wouldn't go about it like this," Alexandra told him.

"Oh you fucking know that?" He looked over his shoulder at her and then back out the window. "They left this shit in the middle of the fucking night."

"And they could have barged in here and attacked us."

Negan always thought the worst. He looked outward toward the trees but saw nothing. "Why bother fucking watching us?"

"Expanding their community?" Sarah asked.

"They'll want something in return."

"Work maybe," Alexandra suggested.

Negan sighed and flipped the blind back down and stood staring at them. "I'm going outside."

"What, no!" She reached for his arm before he even moved.

"Lock yourself inside."

"Negan..."

"They know we're fucking here," he told her, shaking his head. "Have to confront them after this weird fucking letter. If we don't, they will... and I'm not doing shit on their terms."


	52. A Voice

The outside world was silent and still. The sky was a mix of blues and grays, a light breeze swayed the tree limbs that bordered the small cabin. One or two walkers growled nearby on the outskirts of the simple wooden fence as they stumbled over the weed-choked landscape.

Negan's boots scraped over the floorboards that assembled the front porch and he stared outward looking for someone or something. He paced for a moment and then sat down at the top step, settling his feet down on the third and placed the rifle across his lap.

A part of him wanted to shout out loud toward the woods to see if he would get a response. Another part of him wanted to pack the truck and go but he knew being on the road wasn't an option.

Nothing stirred or changed, and soon Alexandra called to him but obeyed his requests not to go outside. He rose from where he sat to eat a protein bar and drink some water before heading back out front.

Negan knew he could have done a perimeter run but he didn't feel right leaving the house unoccupied. Right now he stood in between whatever was out there and his family, and he had no intention of going elsewhere.

With time his adrenaline spike faded along with his patience. Negan didn't like games. He was a straight shooter and felt that whoever left the cryptic note on the doorstep was leaving them in a world filled with paranoia and anxiety.

 _Or they're going back to get more of their people_ , he thought.

Negan checked the gun again to assure it was loaded and tried to keep his handguns out of plain sight beneath his jacket. The less these people knew, the better... though had they really been watching them for weeks then he was sure they had gathered plenty of information.

"Hello," a voice came lowly from somewhere unknown and Negan rose to his feet. "Hello. Is anyone there?"

Negan looked around and spotting a handheld radio sitting up against the base of the house. "What the fuck..." he reached down, angry with himself for not picking up on it sooner and didn't waste any time. "Who the fuck is this?" he asked, keeping his rifle ready in one hand. His eyes scanned the woods.

"My name's Matt," the male voice spoke. "I left you a note earlier."

"Roger fucking that, what do you want?" Negan listened, feeling the rush of adrenaline pass through him again and he made eye contact with Alexandra through a screen in one of the windows.

"We didn't want to spook you guys by just showing up... for our safety mainly, but we wanted to see if you would be interested in merging with our people."

"Didn't want to spook us huh?" He glanced around from side to side again and stepped back onto the porch. "So the anonymous letter... leaving a walkie talkie by the step...you didn't think that would do the fuckin' trick?"

"Sorry... yeah I know it must've seemed strange but we didn't want to get shot on the spot if we approached you guys, thinking we were looters or something."

"Are you?"

"No."

Negan paused a moment and then went on. "What's your community? Why have you been watching us?"

"People stumble upon this house every now and then. I lived there once. Over time it kind of accidentally developed into a trial home for people. As the number of people in our community grew, we began watching over the cabin and taking care of it. When someone new came along we would study them from a distance and see what they were like. If they appeared to be good people, we would invite them in."

Alexandra whispered through the screen. "What do you think?"

Negan wasn't sure. He was never content when it came to strangers, but eventually the would have to trust someone. "It's an elaborate fucking lie if he's lying," he said quietly, and the held down the button on the radio. "What if we don't want to join? What happens then?"

"Then we'll leave you alone."

"Won't try to steal our shit in the middle of the night?"

"Of course not," Matt's voice came over the small speaker. "You have children there for one... and secondly, we have our own supplies." There was a pause, "We'd like to meet with you if you'd like. We're not far."

"Who the fuck is we?" Negan asked.

"Myself, my wife Annie and our friend Vince."

"You three the leaders of this place?"

"I don't know that you would call us that... founders maybe... we've set rules but not in an iron-fist type of way."

Negan hesitated. He didn't want strangers in the proximity of Alexandra, Lucy and Sarah. On the same note, he wasn't about to leave them or bring them all along to meet in a neutral location. Because of that, he decided the only way was for Matt and the others to come to the house.

"I hope I'm not going to fuckin' regret this," Negan said to Alexandra.

"They know where we are anyway," she reminded him and then shrugged. "What do we have to lose?"

He knew she was right and prayed that these people were who they said they were. In there world they had to pick and choose the chances they took. "If you try to lay a finger on any one of my family members I will kill you. I'm a reasonable man but I don't fuck around when it comes to that shit. You understand?"

"Loud and clear," Matt said almost immediately. "I get it... but we're not going to try to hurt your family or take anything. Should we come to you?"

Negan hesitated again and closed his eyes. He pressed the button on the side with his fingers and didn't immediately respond. Finally he spoke. "Yes."

"I know it easy to say from my point of view, but don't worry."

"I don't ever fuckin' worry Matt," Negan told him, "Only worry is for you if you try to hurt my family."


	53. The Manor

A scratched up black Mazda slowly made its way up the gravel driveway where Negan waited on the front step. He watched as three people, two men and a woman, exited the vehicle and immediately put their hands in the air.

"Not here for a fight," the front man spoke. He sported a black and red flannel shirt and jeans and put one hand on his chest. "I'm Matt."

Negan didn't say anything. He stood there with his gun in his hands and didn't move.

"This is Annie and behind me is Vince."

"What community are you a part of?" Negan asked. He wasn't about to say his name yet.

"The Manor," Matt informed them, "It was big neighborhood before the dead took over. We closed off a part of it and we've been living there for a while now."

"How many people?" Negan never set the weapon down.

"Fifty maybe."

Annie stepped forward. "We have a smile child too," she informed him. "He's two. There are supplies there that could be beneficial to your child."

Negan glanced over his shoulder for a second toward the window where Alexandra sat.

"Look," Matt went on, "I know it's odd that we were watching you, but it was for our safety and now it could help you. You'll run out of supplies eventually and then what?"

"Matt," Negan began. He took a step in their direction and then stopped. "Why in the hell do you want to help us out so bad?"

"We want numbers. We need numbers." He shrugged. "There are groups out there, some are good, some aren't. Either way, we're trying rebuild society again."

Alexandra opened the front door and stepped out onto the porch with Lucy in her arms, prompting Negan to whip around.

"Alexandra..." He stared at her.

"It's okay," she told him with a confident nod. Sarah came out a step behind her.

"You won't be able to stay safe here alone forever," Annie said, shaking her head. "That little one is too precious. We have walls. The dead ones can't get in."

Matt took a step toward them and Negan raised the gun. "Get back," he stated forcefully.

He put his hands up and took several steps back. "I'm not going to do anything to try to hurt anybody."

Alexandra put a hand on Negan's shoulder and he turned to look at her.

"I understand you're protecting your family," Matt went on, "You could help us out at The Manor too. Honestly, we need some tougher guys to help protect the borders. You seem like you could hold your own." He laughed nervously.

Alexandra pushed lightly on Negan's arm, urging him to point the gun downward. He took a deep breath and lowered the weapon but stared at them. "If you have a two year old son where is he now?"

"He's back home," Annie explained. "If we go out on runs together my sister Christina watches him. It isn't often we go out together." She shifted her eyes back and forth between Negan and Alexandra. "Is this your wife?"

"Yeah." Negan didn't take his eyes off the three of them.

"Where did you come from?" Vince finally chimed in.

Alexandra took the lead. "We were living in a community about an hour from here and another group of people attacked us. They broke down the gates with a truck and the walkers got in. They took him hostage, locked him in a basement. I was pregnant at the time, and I thought he was dead until Sarah discovered he was alive but imprisoned."

"We broke him out and found this house," Sarah finished.

"Who were these people?" Annie asked.

"Just a bunch of assholes with an agenda," Negan responded.

There was a brief silence and then Matt spoke again. "We'd love it if you would consider joining us. Let us show you what we have. People have jobs. There's food. We have a small orchard kind of growing with fruit - apples, pears..." He shrugged.

Alexandra looked to Negan again and he turned to her, and then back to the three strangers. "Give us a fuckin' minute."

"Sure." Matt backed away and towed Annie with him.

Negan towed Alexandra a few steps closer to the house and they spoke quietly.

"These people could be telling the truth," Alexandra whispered.

"They could be," Negan responded, "But they could also lead us into a fucking ambush."

"They could've brought people back here already. We didn't even know they existed, so it would've been easy for them. I think we should go look around. If the have walls and there are other children there."

Negan gritted his teeth and stared down at Lucy in her arms. "If something happened to you..." He shook his head.

"They're right," Alexandra went on. She looked down at Sarah as she stared up at them. "Sooner or later we'll run out of supplies, or someone else will come along and we might not be so lucky." She took a deep breath. "I think we have to try." Alexandra glanced down at Lucy. "I wouldn't put her life in danger. My intuition is telling me that this is okay."

"Mother's intuition..." Negan stared at and took a deep breath. He ran a hand over the top of Lucy's head.

"Exactly."

Negan pulled her forehead to his lips and kissed her. "Fuck... alright." He looked at Sarah, "What do you think kid?"

"What the fuck do we have to lose?" Sarah asked. A small smile took over her face and Negan managed a half grin. He then turned back to Matt, who sat on the hood of the car.

"We get to keep all of our weapons," Negan said. "And we'll follow you to your place."

Matt nodded. "That's fair. We won't try to take any of your things."

"You'll have your own house," Annie explained, "Whatever you have here you can bring with you. There's hot water. Electricity."

"That sounds great," Alexandra finally said with a smile.

Negan held a hand out as he approached them with Alexandra at his heels. He made sure he was in front of her just in case. "I'm Negan," he said, exchanging a firm handshake with Matt. "This is my wife Alexandra." He looked back at her as he said the word 'wife' and she smiled at him.

"What's your baby's name?" Annie asked.

"Lucy," Alexandra explained.

"She's beautiful."

Sarah cleared her throat and Annie laughed lightly. "This can't be your daughter, too..." She looked to Alexandra.

"This is Sarah."

"I'm kind of like the adopted daughter slash little sister, slash sidekick."

Matt smirked and then let out a chuckle. "We have some classes that kids your age take at our place, ya know. Like school."

"School?" Sarah made a face, but then looked at him more directly. "Other kids?"

He nodded. "Yeah... a handful of them."

Sarah looked at Alexandra and they shared a smile.

"So... what do you say?" Matt asked. He looked at Negan. "Follow us?"

Negan stared at him for a moment. "What's in it for you?"

"Just the additional numbers... and maybe some extra muscle from you in protecting our place." He held a hand out again and Negan looked down, shaking his hand once more.

"I'm all for being a part of a community," Negan explained, "But if you lead us into a fucked up situation..." He paused and looked down at the gun in his hands. "You'll be the first to go."

Matt shook his head and swallowed hard. "You won't be disappointed." He gave another nervous laugh. "I'm really glad you're going to be on our side."


	54. Home

Alexandra held Lucy close and stared out the window as Negan drove the truck behind Matt and the others in the Mazda. She heard Sarah sigh nervously in the back several times and felt the same way as they headed into the unknown. When the warmth of Negan's hand touched hers and he interlocked their fingers she turned to face him.

"You okay?" He asked.

Alexandra nodded. "Yeah."

"I love you."

"I love you too." Alexandra squeezed his hand. "This is a good idea right?" She sighed.

"Mother's intuition," Negan reminded her.

She gave a small smile and looked down at Lucy. "I'm scared Negan. I feel like this is going to be okay but what if it's not?"

"I won't let anything fuckin' happen to you." He looked her in the eye for a moment. "You are my whole world now Alexandra."

She felt a tear slide away from her eye and looked back out the window. "This whole love thing is hard."

"No." He looked back to the road and dodged a stray Walker as it hobbled around on the pavement. "Death is hard. Loss is hard." Negan looked back at her, "Loving you is the easiest fucking thing in the world because I tried to fight that shit and..." He shook his head.

"Okay, I didn't get it before," Sarah said from the back, "But the guy has some good lines Alex. I get it now."

Alexandra looked over at Negan and then managed a quiet laugh.

Negan grinned. "You're perfect for comic relief kid."

"What I do." She sat back and leaned an elbow on the door to stare outward again toward the woods.

Negan's handheld radio went off. "Almost there," Annie's voice came.

He picked it up and glanced at Alexandra. "Okay."

Alexandra took a deep breath. "Here we go."

Negan linked his hand through hers again. "We got this shit baby. This could be the new beginning."

"We could grow old here." She raised her eyebrows.

Negan grinned. "Hot shower again sounds fuckin' great... or a bath." He turned and winked with a smile, making Alexandra grin and look down.

"Thank you for doing all this." Lucy looked up at her with big eyes and moved her arms and legs as Alexandra adjusted her in her arms.

"Doing what?"

"You gave up your old life for me... and Lucy.

"I'd be locked in that fuckin' basement if it wasn't for you girls." He nodded to Sarah in the rearview mirror and she grinned at him.

"I mean before that," Alexandra told him. "You gave me Lucy." She smiled and shook her head. "I never thought a real life was possible. I was just trying to survive. Because of you I feel like I'm living Negan. We have a real life again."

"I didn't think I had anything left in my heart. Not after losing Lucille the way I did. It all happened at once..." Negan shook his head. "I was... fuck, I don't know... Maybe all the shit I did was wrong before..." He looked at Alexandra again. "All I know is I fucking love loving you. Ths new community just might be the perfect start to our life together."

Alexandra smiled. "I hope it is."

"I prefer your F-bombs over this lovey dovey crap, ughh..." Sarah commented, "Get your game face on. We're two minutes out."

Negan laughed out loud. "Listen, you're the Robin to my Batman sidekick, so settle the fuck down back there."

"That's more like it." Sarah chuckled to herself.

Alexandra snickered and smiled when Negan flashed her another wink.. He took a left turn down another wooded back road and in the distance they could already see a pair of tall, steel gates. When the Mazda slowed down in front of them Alexandra sighed and a moment later both cars came to a halt.

"Don't fuckin' get out until I say to," Negan said to both of them. He studied their surroundings - the gates, the walls. Off to one side there were several walkers pinned to wooden stakes that stuck out of the ground. His eyes shifted to two guards perched above them on a platform.

Matt jumped out of the vehicle and waved to the pair of men holding guns at the top of the platform by the gates. He then hurried to the driver's side of the truck as Negan unrolled the window.

"This is it," he told them with a smile. "We'd all like to welcome you to The Manor."

The gates opened and a road opened up to a collection of homes on either side of it. People wandered around the small town and Alexandra thought she spotted the orchard that they had been talking about. Her eyes landed on a blond boy of about six or seven as he ran hand in hand with a blond woman in her thirties. The image was enough to ease her mind and she smiled.

Alexandra squeezed Negan's hand.

"You guys can drive in," Matt went on, "There's a house up on the right. It's a White House with blue shutters, split level... it's all yours."

Negan looked at Alexandra. "No turning back if we go in."

She sighed and shrugged. "Let's go."

I'm Negan looked to Matt, who backed away to allow them to drive. Negan slowly hit the gas and cruised into The Manor. He took in the sights and sounds. Alexandra saw his eyes study the mother with her child and he looked back to her.

Alexandra smiled and looked down at Lucy.

People on the sidewalks glanced in their direction as the passed.

"This doesn't look half bad," Sarah said. She glanced over her shoulder, to the left, the right and in all directions.

"There's a white house with blue shutters." Alexandra pointed up on the right.

Negan continued to take it all in, wanting to somehow memorize every inch of the place. When they arrived to the home he pulled the truck into a short driveway and then hesitated before killing the engine. He then looked to Alexandra.

"Well..." Negan sighed.

Alexandra sighed heavily. "I guess we should get comfortable in our new... home."

"Home," Sarah said from the back. Her door was the first to click open.

Negan echoed the word as he glanced up at the house in the middle of the The Manor. "Home."


	55. New Beginning

The day felt like a blur as Matt and Annie took the lead in welcoming Negan, Alexandra and Sarah to the community. The people in the small town gushed over Lucy and as much as Negan wanted to blend in for his family's sake he couldn't embrace their enthusiasm. It was all too surreal.

"Here's a dining hall kind of place," Matt said, pointing to a brick building. "Don't piss off the lunch ladies," he began to chuckle but took a deep breath when Negan didn't humor him. "We've been breeding livestock... cows, pigs, chickens... Sometimes we use the meat but we get unlimited eggs and milk. We have a lot now."

"John's the butcher when we decide to... ya know." Annie shrugged. "Someone's got to do it when we need the meat."

"We have enough pigs and stuff now," Matt went on. "But we do it humanely." He took them inside another building, "Kids take classes here."

Sarah eyes a short few rows of desks and then a chalkboard that was full of eraser marks. "Old school," she said quietly.

"Not very big but it works," Annie went on. "I was a second grade teacher before all this so I've taken on some of the teaching responsibilities."

"That's nice," Alexandra said honestly with a smile.

"There's a library too," Matt explained. "Nothing special."

"Annie!" A female voice shouted.

They all looked as a heavy-set woman in her thirties carried a young boy with brown hair.

"Mom!" was his only call.

Annie's face lit up. "This is our son Christopher." She grinned and hurried to greet the woman and the young boy.

Matt shared her enthusiasm when greeting their son and then introduced the other woman as Annie's sister Sharon.

"I hope you all can feel comfortable here," Matt told them taking a leaping Christopher into his arms. "If I didn't think this would work then I wouldn't have approached you guys." He glanced at his son. "It's not my best interest I have in mind, it's his."

Alexandra looped her arm through Negan's. "He's adorable. Two years old?"

"Yeah," he and Annie said at the same time.

"And how old is yours?" Sharon asked.

"A couple months," Negan replied. He glanced at Lucy a moment and then back to Matt.

"Why don't you guys take it easy the rest of the night," he suggested. "We even left a stack of DVDs in the house. I know it's been a long day... and a long road; but you can relax now."

"And help yourself to food in the dining hall tomorrow morning whenever you get up," Annie added. She smiled.

"Thank you," Alexandra said with a polite nod.

"Yeah, thanks." Negan couldn't loosen up the way Alexandra had but he was trying to give the place a chance.

"You know how to get back to the house?" Matt asked.

"We'll be fine," Negan assured him with a nod.

"We're four house down," Annie added, "If you need anything at all."

"Thank you so much," Alexandra repeated. She felt Negan already pulling her away toward their home and could see he wasn't as sold the way she was despite the positive vibes.

When they got a good one hundred yards away Alexandra looked at him. "What do you think?"

"Seems too fuckin' good to be true, no?"

"Same type of set up as The Sanctuary... right?"

"Got to be a dirty secret somewhere." He looked over his shoulder to see Matt and Annie walking on either side of Christopher with their hands interlocked with his.

"Not necessarily." Alexandra followed his gaze. "That's their son. They wouldn't put him in danger."

"We don't fuckin' know them."

"She's his mother Negan..." Alexandra raised her eyebrows.

He sighed and motioned to the front door as they approached the house to allow her and Sarah in first.

"I'm tired," Sarah confessed and plopped down on a dark brown sofa.

"Go take one of the rooms," Alexandra urged.

"Not the biggest fucking one," Negan demanded, gaining an eye roll from the pre-teen before she took the set of five or six stairs to the second floor of the split-level.

"All of our stuff is in here," Alexandra pointed out, "What now?"

He sighed and put his hands on his hips. "I don't want to sleep but... shit I'm fuckin' running on fumes over here."

Alexandra glanced out the window as the world began to grow darker. A boy on a bicycle made her smile as he rode by. "Would you trust my instinct if I said I honestly think we're okay? We can investigate and ask a ton of questions in the morning."

Lucy began to cry as Alexandra shifted and Negan reached for her. "Come to your daddy since Mama can't keep you happy." He flashed a passing grin and Alexandra shook her head with a smile.

"Let's go make ourselves at home." She tugged on his sleeve, "Come on."

Negan wandered over and closed the shades and clicked on a single light that provided some lingering light on the lower level. He then followed Alexandra up to a room that Sarah hadn't taken and sat down on the edge with Lucy still crying in his arms.

"What do you think kiddo?" He asked quietly, bobbing her up and down while running a hand over her hair. "We fuckin' safe here?"

Alexandra smile and snickered before changing into a pair of hospital scrubs and then plopped down exhausted on the bed. "That might be her first word."

"Which word?" Negan joked with a laugh. He looked over his shoulder and winked at Alexandra. A moment later Lucy calmed down and Negan rose to his feet, soothing her to the best of his ability before setting her down in a crib that had already been laid out complete with yellow blankets with ducks printed across them. "They had everything ready for us huh?" He set Lucy down gently and stared at her with his hands on the railing.

Alexandra laid with her eyes closed for a moment. "Yeah... you think Sarah's alright in the next room?"

"She's fine." Negan took a deep breath and then turned. He removed his shoes and shirt, and then joined her on the bed, rolling onto his stomach and laid his head down on Alexandra's stomach. "I don't want to fuckin' just fall asleep but I don't think I can physically stay awake."

She began to run her hand over his head and smiled when his eyes closed and his arm draped over her. "Let's try to trust them."

"That's how you fuckin' die." He sighed.

"I trusted you when you saved me," she reminded him.

"Mmm... you had no fuckin' choice."

"Neither do we really." Alexandra continued to rub across his head and then down his back. "Plus me trusting you worked out pretty well, right?"

Negan let out a deep breath against her and hugged himself tighter against her. "Yeah."

She relaxed into the pillow and closed her eyes, feeling Negan's breathing steady out. Alexandra glanced down at him as he laid against her. She would be more than happy to tell the world of how much she needed Negan, but knew he wasn't the type to do something like that. Still, in that moment she could see how much he needed her. Each time Alexandra acknowledged that it brought out the deep fear in her heart of losing him, or any member of their small, unorthodox family.

Alexandra took a deep breath and continued to run her hand through Negan's hair as he slept. She took in their new surroundings - the neatly put together room, the television, the DVDs, the bedside lamps and the neighborhood of people that surrounded them. As much as she tried not to get her hopes up, she knew if The Manor was indeed what it appeared that they were set up for something great. In her heart she felt that things would work out for them there, and the new beginning could be the start of a new forever.


	56. Perimeter Run

The dawn of the next day crept in and Negan awoke early. He showered, got dressed and before he could contemplate making a breakfast for himself or Alexandra there was a knock at the door. Without hesitation he made his way through the living room and threw the front door open, sure to have a handgun sitting visible in the waistline of his pants.

"Good morning." Matt stood in front of him alone and nodded. "Mind if I come in?"

Negan stared him up and down and cleared his throat. "A little fuckin' early ain't it?" He stepped aside anyway and allowed him in before shutting the door behind them.

"There's coffee and other things we left for you," Matt explained and then sat down at a chair in the kitchen.

Negan stood, placing his hands on the backs of a second chair and stared across the way. "What's the real fuckin' deal here?"

"I'm not hiding anything," Matt continued to claim. "What you see is what you get."

"Ever get threatened here?"

"Not recently... but yes."

"And?"

"And we did what we had to do to protect ourselves. The group wasn't big who came in but if they were, well I don't know what would have happened." He looked at Negan. "I told you about the cabin. People wind up there from time to time so we try to keep up with it in order to recruit new people for the town. I saw you and your wife had a baby, which is always a good reason to bring somebody in. That was Annie's prime motivation."

"What was yours?" Negan pulled at the waistband of his jeans and Matt glanced at the gun before staring up to look him more directly in the eye.

"We need protection. Honestly Negan you kind of scare the shit out of me a little bit." He shrugged. "Not the easiest thing for a man to admit, particularly now that I'm a father... but we need strong people here who know what the hell they're doing to protect this place. I've held my own. I was one of the first people in this community and we've built it up quite a bit. But I'm more brains than brawn and I need someone like you."

"What, to do the fuckin' dirty work?" Negan huffed a laugh.

"I saw how you reacted when I just took a step in your direction at the cabin. When your wife and kids came outside you raised your gun at us. You'll protect them with everything you have... which means you'll protect this place with everything you have." Matt sighed, "We can work together. That's my only motive here."

"How does shit operate here?" Negan asked. "People have jobs you said."

"That's right." He nodded. "Your wife... she wouldn't have to do anything being a new mother. That should be her only job to raise..." He searched for a name.

"Lucy," Negan replied. "Your wife work?"

"She helps out a little in the school now because she wants to... but she's still at home most of the time with Christopher. She did though... before she had him."

He scratched his head and paced the kitchen. "You need people going out on supply runs?"

"Sometimes," Matt explained. "The livestock helps a lot with that and there are two natural springs nearby where we've been getting a constant water source. One is near that cabin in the woods." He stood up from where he sat. "We have a lot here and experienced people from many trades. Right now the farmers are a huge factor for us. The problem is... we don't have the means to protect it all and we need that." He paused. "Were you a military guy before all this?"

"Gym teacher." Negan laughed.

Matt raised his eyebrows. "I bet your kids passed all the fitness tests in that school."

"Look... I'm all for helping you out," Negan told him, "And if this is what it appears then you're helping us out a fuckin' lot... but if anything happens to Alexandra or Lucy or Sarah-"

"You'll fucking kill me?" Matt asked, half-humorous in his response, but serious all the same.

Negan chuckled again but nodded adamantly. "Yeah."

"I know how hard it is to have a child in all this... but Christopher is a healthy kid. He gets regular checkups. We're making it work here. I really see the same for you guys."

Negan softened a bit and gave a single nod. "Alexandra was the doctor at our our old place, and she loves doing that shit so I'm sure she wouldn't mind getting to know the medical staff."

"Wow, bonus." Matt smiled. "Apocalypse power couple huh?" He laughed. "Well make yourself at home and whenever you're ready I can show you around the lookout stations and weapons supply area. We try to save the shells to our bullets to reuse them."

"You guys have some efficient shit going on here." Negan stared around the room.

He nodded. "And we've got to protect it." Matt held a hand out. "We would really appreciate it if you could help us with that."

Negan looked down and shook his hand with a nod. "I think we can work this shit out Matt."

Relief filled his features and he smiled. "Good."

...

Matt did as he claimed and showed Negan every square inch of The Manor, including a private tour of the stash of weapons they had. He continued to insist he could keep all of the arms he and Alexandra brought into the place and never even touched on the possibility of asking for them - or adding them to the basement full of weapons in one of the houses in the center of the neighborhood.

"This piece of the wall lifts up," Matt walked him toward the very back of the complex. "You really need a guy on each side to pull the chains and latch them here. He pointed and the two of them lifted the wall that turned into a back door to The Manor. "See, this is a dirt road that goes for about a half a mile through the woods there. It comes out on the main highway."

"No shit." Negan nodded with approval and checked out the makings of the oversized door. "You'd never know this shit was here."

"Got some smart guys who designed this place."

"They still around?"

"Some of them." Matt gave a look.

"And the others?"

"Didn't fend well outside the walls." He shrugged. "Sucks but unfortunately we all have to get used to a little and keep moving."

Negan helped him close it back up and they secured the locks before heading around the perimeter. Matt pointed upward as they walked. "These are our guard stations; little towers. We have people there 24-7 overlooking the area. There are some in the front too."

"What about vehicles?"

"You see the ones scattered in driveways. Most of them work. We try to go on foot to save the gas when possible."

"Any known enemies?"

"No. Haven't been under attack in a long time, knock on wood."

"Shit..." Negan shook his head and looked around. "Pray it fuckin' stays that way. Got a good setup here."

"Yeah." Matt nodded. "I think we've flown under the radar thus far. We've grown gradually. This whole area was run down when we first stumbled upon it. No walls. Nothing. Just a mess of the undead and leftover things in the homes. On that note we were pretty lucky. People must've left in a hurry. There were quite a bit of canned goods and bottled water... clothes, blankets, generators."

Negan pictured Alexandra's face when she had taken Lucy and Sarah with her into the medical building with Annie. He had been hesitant to let them go without him, but she insisted so confidently that he decided not to underestimate her.

"I was talking with Annie," Matt went on, breaking his thoughts. "We'd like to have something this Friday, two days from now, if it's okay with you. Something to welcome you all here into the community and hopefully you can get to know us a little better. I believe she was going to run it by Alexandra."

He looked at the man and decided right then after spending the day with him that he was a good man. In the past he would have pushed and tried to test him more and more, possibly pushing him away but he knew this time was different. It was a different chapter in his life and for Alexandra and his family he had to give the place a chance. "Yeah. I'm sure my wife would like that."

"Great." Matt smiled and nodded. "There's a cold beer or two with your name on it."

Negan laughed. He could see Matt was trying hard to get on his good side, despite them each needing each other, possibly Negan more than Matt. He would never admit that to the young man but he knew it was true. He wasn't a coward; just insecure a bit and in need. "Sold me there." The two shook hands again and in the distance he spotted Alexandra sharing a laugh with Annie as they left the small school with Sarah skipping behind them. Negan smiled to himself and then snickered, seeing right through the act that Sarah was putting on.

Matt took in Negan's appearance as he watched them and smiled. "Go be with your family Negan. Relax and I'll see you at the party on Friday. I'm sure Annie gave Alexandra the details."

"Fuckin' appears that way, don't it." He nodded and headed down the street, catching a glimpse from Alexandra who smiled at him the same way she always did. Negan knew he would have some adjusting to do, but in his mind he knew it helped that Matt was so adamant about needing their help and helping them on the back end. His leadership style complemented Negan's in a way that was passive to his aggressive. He felt their working relationship would go on just fine.

"I was just telling your wife about Friday night." Annie smiled, "Did Matt-"

"He did." Negan smiled wide and slipped an arm around Alexandra's shoulders.

Annie smiled at the two of them. "Well... this has been a nice day."

"It has," Alexandra agreed with a nod.

"Think about school." She pointed to Sarah who simply smiled and eyed a small group of boys playing basketball in the street two houses away from their split level home.

"Go," Negan said, nodding with his head.

"What?" Sarah asked, "Me?"

"Yeah, go... I see you eying them."

"All boys."

"So what."

Sarah looked up at Alexandra with smiled and nodded. "Go ahead if you want to."

She hesitated a moment and then jogged off toward the group of kids.

Annie shrugged. "I've got to get back to my sister's place to get Chris. I'll see you two soon." She gave a wave and Alexandra slumped her arm around Negan's waist as he walked with his over her shoulders.

"What do you think?" she asked him.

"I think we give it a shot." He looked down at her and she smiled and leaned up, touching her lips to his once. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	57. The Brady Bunch

After getting used to The Manor for several days, Friday was rapidly upon them and Annie had offered Alexandra up some dresses as options for the party that evening. She had initially stared at the attire like foreign objects at first, having not worn a dress since the undead had taken over. It almost seemed unnatural until she threw one on and admired herself for a moment.

After years of wearing scrubs and dirty jeans this isn't so bad, she thought.

Alexandra complemented the outfit with a necklace and threw her hair up in a fancy, curled bun leaving a few strands dangling on the sides to border her face. When she spotted some lipstick and eyeliner it was icing on the cake and it made her enjoy The Manor that much more - not that she was the Barbie doll type but the luxury of makeup was a perfect compliment to the outfit.

She applied the makeup and stepped out of the bathroom and wandered into the bedroom where Negan stood in a pair of khakis and a button down shirt looking sharp with his hair slicked back as it typically was. Alexandra's mouth nearly dropped when she saw him.

"Holy fuckin' shit." Negan looked her up and down when she entered.

"You kind of took the words right out of my mouth," Alexandra admitted, staring at him in the same fashion. "You look... good. Really good."

Negan's eyes never left her as he continued to openly admire her figure. "Fuck Alexandra..." He smiled and shook his head.

"You look a little flustered Negan." She grinned and raised her eyebrows and then leaned an arm on the door frame.

"A little?" He glanced down at the front of his pants and then back up to her.

Alexandra laughed lightly. "If I really cross into the room I'm afraid we might not make it to the party."

"You might be fuckin' right." Negan's tongue slid reactively across the top of his teeth. "But I'm okay with that."

She laughed again and looked him up and down. "You're looking pretty good yourself."

"I don't think I ever would have agreed to this shit before." He glanced in the mirror and nearly rolled his eyes at his appearance. "But... it doesn't feel too fucking bad to be a part of something again. And honestly, I was shit tired being the top man for so long. No one is gunning for me here."

"I think after all you've been through a couple of beers at a party is well deserved."

"I just don't want to let my guard down." Negan stared at her again. "My God..." He couldn't keep a wide smile from his face.

Alexandra grinned back and walked over to give him a kiss. "You look hot," she whispered, making him chuckle against her lips.

Negan pulled her closer and kissed her with more enthusiasm, pushing her hips into his with a hand on her lower back.

"Ya know." He pulled away for a second. "I always hated shit like this... the get together type shit. Last fuckin' thing I want to do is make small talk. I don't do that shit well."

Alexandra smiled at him. "We'll use Lucy as an excuse to leave early." Her hand traveled the length of his torso and she rested it on the buckle of the brown belt he had on.

Negan chuckled. "You just want to get out of there early," he lowered his voice a bit and dropped his lips to her ear, "So we can get back here and I can fuck you senseless."

Alexandra smiled and sighed as he began to nibble on her earlobe as he held her close. They had barely begun to get back into the throws of their intimate life when Matt and the others had come knocking at their door at the cabin.

"I think that's long overdue," she said quietly, wrapping her hand around the back of his neck as he kissed her neck.

Negan pulled back and kissed her hard on the lips and then stepped past her with a smile and ran his hand across her stomach.

Alexandra smiled and put a hand on the top of her chest, feeling warmth radiating through her body. She heard Negan take the short staircase down to the first level and then Sarah's voice as she made a joking comment about his we'll put together appearance.

"Cut the shit or I'll see to it you wear a dress to this fuckin' thing," he shot back.

"That's not happening," Sarah replied.

Alexandra took a deep breath, looked in the mirror and then joined them on the first level. She smiled when she saw Sarah buckling Lucy into her seat and then looked around. "Are we ready?"

"Yeah... the fuckin' Brady Bunch," Negan commented. "Here we go."

"If Lucy's first word isn't the F word then I don't know what will be," Alexandre said with a smile.

"I think it'll be Mama." Negan put his hands on her shoulders from behind and kissed her cheek. "Sexy mama," he added with a chuckle that made Sarah groan and roll her eyes.

"Let's go." Alexandra picked up Lucy and the four of them headed down the street to the party.

...

Every present member of the community took time to introduce themselves. There was Butch, the lead cook and his staff Barbara, Thomas, Kevin and Rebecca. They all sat together at a table and jokingly gushed over the "catering" at the party.

Annie introduced an older woman with short gray hair, Greta, as the primary school teacher and librarian. She quietly waved with a smile and welcomed them to the community.

There were the off-duty guards Jack, Vince, Franky, James and Jeb. They varied in ages from early-thirties to mid-sixties. The night shift of guards were currently on duty.

The medical staff welcomed Alexandra with open arms as they arrived with William being the primary doctor, a man of about forty. His assistant was a former retired school nurse named Jane, a frail, friendly woman in her sixties.

There were a number of others - some families with teenage children, other families who had formed the way Alexandra and Negan's had with Sarah post-apocalypse. All in all the group was friendly, efficient and welcoming.

Matt appeared to be going out of his way to socialize with Negan, who put up with his company more than outright enjoyed it. He flashed a look to Alexandra across the room a few times who smiled and then continued with the conversation. Soon after they were each standing at the back door with a pair of cigars.

Alexandra chatted with Annie quite a bit and enjoyed the female bonding that she hadn't really had at The Sanctuary.

Several times Alexandra excused herself to give Lucy a bottle and Annie accompanied her to assure she didn't feel alone or out of place. They shared stories of their children and childbirth under the conditions. Annie expressed her condolences for having to go through it while Negan was captured.

"I couldn't imagine," Annie told her, shaking her head.

"It ended up just fine I guess." Alexandra played with Lucy's hair and smiled.

"We're glad you're here." Annie smiled wide. "I haven't talked to someone this long before, and Matt really likes Negan."

"We'll have to double date," she joked with a laugh.

Annie giggled and then Negan and Matt re-entered and approached where they stood.

"I'm sorry I stole him from you," Matt said to Alexandra with a smile.

"That is quite alright." She grinned and Negan flashed her a subtle wink and took s bite from a piece of cake on a small plate in his hand.

"Can I get either of you a glass of wine?"

"None for me, thank you." Alexandra declined.

"I'll join you." Annie looped her arm through Matt's and they wandered toward the kitchen.

"Have enough to eat?" Negan asked.

"Yeah... very good." She smiled. "You know this is kind of our first out on the town date."

He chuckled. "I still think we should do dessert at home."

"I don't know, the cake looks pretty good." She eyed the plate in his hand.

Negan swiped his finger across the white frosting and looked over his shoulder a minute before bringing it to her lips.

Alexandra laughed and made sure no one was looking before taking his hand in between hers and slipping his finger into her mouth.

"I think it's past Lucy's bed time." Negan smirked. "So we better get the fuck home."

Alexandra leaned in and kissed him once, leaving him smirking. "I think we _better_ get home before..."

"Before what?" He eyed her more intently with a grin.

She smiled and bit down on her bottom lip. "Let's make our rounds."

"Want to get out of here?"

Alexandra nodded and Negan laughed lightly, but hurried around to those who still lingered at the party. Matt and Annie were the last to bid them a farewell. Convincing Sarah to leave was simple and she looked like a walking zombie in her half-asleep state on the walk home.

Negan opened the door to their house and sighed as he turned on the light.

"Not bad for the fuckin' Brady Bunch," Sarah commented, smiling at Negan with tired eyes. She climbed the stairs and shut the door to her room.

"Yup... with Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver as our leaders." Negan raised his eyebrows and locked the door behind them. "What a change of fuckin' pace." He looked at Alexandra. "I'm going to make sure we're all locked up and shit."

"Meet you upstairs?"

"Give me five minutes."


	58. Pillow Talk

Alexandra was almost asleep when she felt Negan's arm wrap around her waist and he began kissed her bare shoulder. She let her eyes flutter open and she smiled and then rolled onto her back.

Negan leaned himself over her, leaning on his elbow and kept his hand against her stomach. He eyed the fancy dress Alexandra had worn earlier that was now in a ball on the floor.

"I'm going to start going out on supply runs tomorrow," he told her. "Talked to what's his fuckin' name about it tonight. I want to get started with shit sooner than later."

Alexandra stretched her arms and wrapped one around his back. "Be careful out there if you do." She smiled up at him. "Don't go rescuing another girl, bring her back and fall in love with her a year later."

Negan smiled wide. "That's only bound to fuckin' happen once in this lifetime."

"Mmm... good." Alexandra guided his face down to hers and Negan eagerly slipped his tongue into her mouth and kissed her hard until she began to chuckle.

"I'm sorry," he told her, "After all this fuckin' time not being with you I'm not ready to let you go to sleep."

"Oh no?" She smiled wider, ignoring the heaviness in her eyes.

"Fuck no..." Negan crawled on top of her leaving no barrier between them. "God, I can't fucking believe you were in The Sanctuary for so long before I got to know you... Fuck, if we didn't get to you in time when the undead surrounded you..." He shook his head, "We wouldn't fuckin' be here right now."

"I can't believe we didn't really know each other either." Alexandra looked into his eyes. "I knew when I first saw you though that I was safe... that you were the good guy."

"Good guy... that's fuckin' debatable." He looked away for a moment and then back to her. "I've done some-"

Alexandra put her hand over his mouth. "I know what you've done." She held his stare a moment and then attempted to lighten up the conversation. "What was our first impression of me?"

Negan smiled as her hand came away from his mouth. "Why the fuck is she up on that shed?" The two of them shared a laugh. "I wondered why this beautiful woman was alone and what happened to her."

"No you didn't."

"I thought you were a fox the second I saw you." Negan grinned. "And I wanted to make are nothing bad has happened to you."

"You kind of... interviewed me."

"Yeah..." Negan snickered and looked down and then back up. "Who's of known down the road I would have fucking fell in love with ya... knocked you up... gotten captured by Rick... get saved by you and a fucking twelve year old... now we're here..." He let out a deep breath against her.

"Guess it was some interview huh?" Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "I had just lost-"

"The last member of your group, an older man named Henry that you all called Hank."

"You remember that?"

"Yeah... you'd lost your real family near the beginning of it all... Hank was your last tie to all that shit." Negan studied her expression. "I should have checked on you to make sure you were alright... I didn't."

"We didn't know each other then." Alexandra managed a half smile as she thought back to those last moments with her old group before Negan had saved her from the undead.

"I'm, uh, I don't want to fuckin' upset you with all that shit."

"It's okay. I'm not upset. I've asked about your past, and Lucille."

"None of my past upsets you? Even when you read about how much I loved her?"

Alexandra shook her head. "No... why would it?"

"Have you ever loved another man?"

She sighed through her nose and shook her head. "No... no, not like this."

Negan leaned down and kissed again, more gently this time. "I love you Alexandra."

"I know," she whispered. "I love you too."

"This is all fuckin' for you... it's going to work out."

"Don't try to be a hero when you're out on runs or guarding the gates."

Negan smirked and stared at her for a moment. "Thank you."

"For what?" She began to toy with his hair.

"Being the only person in this fucked up world who could possibly love me."

"I don't even have to try." Alexandra gave a small smile and then accepted his lips against hers. She ran her hands the length of his back, purposely digging in lightly with her nails.

Negan closed his eyes and sighed. "I should probably let you get some sleep," he teased.

"It's too late for that." She kissed him again and allowed him to pin her hands above her head where he interlocked their fingers by the headboard as they carried on. Alexandra eyed the faint scar at the base of his neck where Rick had attempted to slit his throat.

Negan stopped when he felt her stop and pulled back to look at her. "What's wrong?"

Alexandra freed one of her hands and gently traced the line that trickled down near his collarbone. "If this was up even a half an inch..." She studied the proximity from his main artery and shook her head.

Negan pinned her hand back down and stared down at her. "Don't fuckin' worry about it. The past is the past now. That shit isn't going to happen again."

"What if they find us one day?"

"We're building our relationships with the people here," Negan told her. "But if any one of them found us and I had the chance... I'd probably fuckin' take 'em out." He studied her expression and she nodded. Negan smiled to try breaking the tension. "Now... can I continue making love to my fuckin' wife or what?"

Alexandra chuckled. "What..." She lowered her voice, "you don't want to fuck me?"

"Not tonight."


	59. Male Bonding

Weeks went by and Negan worked his way in with Matt and some of the other guards that he had been sitting out with on overnights to watch over the place. He didn't mind the gig in the new place, and Matt always seemed eager to please him. More and more he began to throw ideas around about how to manage the town, and a majority of the guards were on board, particularly with their similar personalities.

Negan knew in the back of his mind that he could probably take over The Manor after gaining the trust of the men he worked with. Matt's passive nature he could trump easily without the guy even knowing he openly voiced his opinions and threw his weight around, Negan only quietly pulled the puppet strings and held back a bit. He was smart, and chose when to be forceful and when to give Matt the reigns. He knew he couldn't be exactly who he was at The Sanctuary and still preserve the safety of Alexandra and Lucy. On the same note, while certain things about The Manor frustrated him, he felt far more relaxed in his role there. In his own private joke with himself he considered The Manor to be his retirement.

Jack and Franky were both guards of about forty years old and Negan worked with the two of them frequently. He established right away that they could handle themselves and were familiar with a gun. Their attitudes complimented his and they often spoke of how lucky the people of The Manor were with regard to remaining under the radar. While he resources were plentiful, the protection wasn't.

The three of them stood atop a platform as they typically did when the rest of the world was asleep.

"Over half of these people can't use a firearm properly," Jack explained, shaking his head. "By now you'd think they'd learn."

"Smart of that fella Matt to collect them bullet casings though," Franky added. "We have the ability, somewhat, to reload."

"People should definitely fuckin' know how to use a gun by now." Negan shook his head.

"We had a problem some month-and-a-half ago or some shit," Jack informed him. "Randomly getting these people nearby."

"Yeah... and what the fuck happened with that?"

"Never got close enough to talk with 'em," Franky chimed in. "Matt said as long as they aren't attacking..." He shrugged. "He didn't want to go on the offensive because we didn't have shit in terms of protection."

"What if they were just sending guys out like beta wolves," Negan said. He put a hand out to the side.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked.

"Test dummies... another group could be sending expendable guys out this way to check shit out here. They could come back with a shitload of people and overrun this place." He shook his head. "Fuck..."

"Haven't seen 'em in awhile," Franky told him.

"A little over a month ain't that fuckin' long."

"We should bring it to Matt's attention again," Jack explained. "What would you do with him? Capture him?"

"Fuckin' talk to him at least," Negan said. "If he runs... then yeah, capture him to get information about who the fuck he is. We can't risk this place getting overrun. There's too much shit you all built here."

"Fuckin' right about that," Jack went on. "I helped start the damn farm system here. That was my job before all this shit went to." He removed a baseball hat, ran a hand through his hair and then placed it back over a messy head of brown hair. "No one's stealing our shit."

"Well let's make fucking sure of that."

"Matt'll hold a meeting if we tell him to," Franky said, "And notice I said _tell_ and not ask. He'll do whatever the hell we say... he's scared of us."

"He needs us," Jack corrected. "He's got a man crush on you Negan."

Negan made a face and then chuckled. He decided to keep the peace. "The guy's alright. He's helping to protect my wife and kid. This place is fuckin' great... but we can't let people wander around here that we don't know without at least checkin' them out." He sighed and ran a hand over the scruff on his face. "These people come at night?"

"Always. No day groups have seen 'em," Franky told them. "We worked the days when you first got here, but we switch every few weeks. The others haven't seen anybody."

The three of them sat in silence and Negan was now on his toes more than ever. He wondered if the group could be Rick's but decided it was probably too far for them to be simply wandering around on foot to ultimately do nothing. They didn't appear to be the type to try to take, but he didn't leave any options out in his mind.

"Was Alexandra your wife before all this?" Jack asked, making small talk after a few minutes of silence.

Negan glanced at him and shook his head. "No..."

"What'd you just knock her up or..."

"No," he repeated, staring at him more directly. "I got hurt... she was my doctor..." He wasn't about to say anything cheesy in front of the two men like 'we fell for each other', and so he searched for the right words to adequately describe their relationship. "We just fuckin'... started hanging out a lot and one thing lead to another and..."

"Now she's your girl," Jack finished.

Negan tipped his mouth up in a smile. He tossed a small rock off the side of the platform. "Something like that... yeah."

"That's hot," Franky added, making all three of them laugh. "What I'm just saying... who didn't have the fuckin' playing doctor fantasy."

"I got a girl I met here," Jack told Negan with a nod. "She's a few years older than me, but-"

"Ten years," Franky corrected with a laugh. "Cougar."

"Nothin' wrong with that shit," Negan said with a chuckle.

"No sir, there's not." Jack grinned. "I've always enjoyed the company of older women." He laughed lightly.

"I've always had a thing for... women," Franky said with a laugh, "Any kind."

Negan laughed. "We should be talkin' about this shit over a fuckin' beer."

"Amen to that." Jack nodded. "Got Vince and them coming to pick up shift at three a.m. Grab an early morning beer?"

"Sounds good," Franky agreed.

Negan nodded. "A drink doesn't sound too fuckin' bad right now."

"Then you two can get back to your old ladies," Franky told them with a grin. He pointed at Jack, "Or in your case your really old lady."

The three of them shared a laugh again and spent the rest of the shift alternating their talks between women, beer and the potential strategies against the strangers in the woods.


	60. Wanderer

Sarah roamed beyond the walls of The Manor to try to familiar herself with the landscape. It hadn't taken much to sneak out, as the guards weren't nearly as plentiful as they had been at The Sanctuary and The Hilltop.

Negan had been asleep when she left the house, so getting out wasn't overly difficult. Sarah told Alexandra that she was going down to play with a few of the other kids down the street, which Alexandra strongly encouraged and so she took advantage of her liberties and wandered elsewhere.

She purposely attempted to locate walkers. In her own mind she felt she needed to keep her skills sharp, and took down several strays with ease as she went on her way. The pathways in the woods hadn't led her to anywhere in particular, and so she found herself making rounds not far off The Manor's perimeter.

Sarah was an adventurer at heart, and despite the good conditions they were living in she found herself to bored, hence the wandering.

There was a snarling and the crunching of leaves in the distance and Sarah took it upon herself to hunt it down. With a quick swipe through the back of the head, the walker slumped to the ground.

"You got nothin'," she taunted, curing herself of the boredom with her mildly dangerous game in the woods.

Sarah sighed and stared at the lifeless being for a moment, though her head snapped up when she heard the sound of crunching leaves again. When she froze and looked around, the sound stopped.

For a moment she simply stood there glancing in all directions with her knife in hand. Sarah had secretly tucked away a gun but hadn't removed it in her defense just yet. Her breathing picked up but she remained calm and waited for the mystery person to make their next move.

In the distance she finally saw what she was looking for - the slightest hint of movement from behind a large-trunked tree.

"Hey!" Sarah shouted fearlessly, and then took off running in the person's direction.

In front of her, a shadow took off, hurrying away beneath the cover of a hooded sweatshirt.

She shouted for the stranger again and never stopped, though had no idea what she would do once she caught up to the person. In her immature mind the thought of him turning and pulling a gun or another weapon didn't cross her mind - not in the heat of the chase.

"Get back here!" Sarah shouted again with confidence. She gradually gained on the person until she was able to reach a hand out and tug the hood with enough force to bring him to an abrupt halt.

The stranger fell to the ground, and Sarah drew her knife to his throat as she climbed on top of him.

"It's me!" a boy put his hands up. "Eric..." He shook his head. "What the hell is your problem?"

Sarah took a deep breath and stood up, pulling the knife away from him. "What the hell is yours?" she shouted back.

Eric stood up from the ground and wiped forest debris from his clothing. "You're crazy."

"You _followed_ me," Sarah reminded him, "And by the way you suck at it."

"I didn't follow you."

"No?" She looked him directly in the face and waited.

Eric sighed. "I was bored," he admitted. "Fine, I wanted to see what the hell you were doing out here."

"So you followed me..." Sarah wanted him to openly admit it.

"Yeah... I saw you walk out." He kept a light scowl on his face. "What if I was a bad guy and I wanted to kidnap you or something. I could have done it."

"No you couldn't have," she argued, "I heard you a mile away... and if I'm not mistaken _you_ were the one running away."

Eric looked her up and down. "You kill a lot of them?"

"What?"

"The dead ones. I saw you kill that one back there."

"So what?"

"I'm just asking."

"I've killed some, yeah... What you haven't?"

"Not really, no." Eric shook his head. "I've been in here awhile."

"Where are your parents?"

"Dead."

"Mine too... sorry."

"That Negan dude isn't your dad?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Negan? Fuck no, he's like... like a cool uncle or something."

The two of them walked on for a short time without saying much and it wasn't until they heard the calls of their own men that reality suddenly kicked in.

"Out in the trees!" a voice said, "You! Stay where you are!"

Sarah's eyes lifted to the guards at the Manor and she shook her head. "Shit!" She grabbed Eric's arm and pulled him with her a few feet and then they took off running.

"What are we doing?" Eric asked, sprinting along side her to keep the pace. His breaths picked up and he looked over his shoulder.

"We're not supposed to be out here!" she shouted, looking back for a moment just after. "We have to sneak back in the back."

"Shit, someone's coming after us."

Sarah looked over her shoulder another time and then ran into something that knocked her to her back. She groaned and looked up, seeing that Eric had stopped running and was looking up at the towering figure above them.

"What the fuck are you doing out here?" Negan looked down at her with a scowl on his face, a gun in one hand and the other hand on his hip.

"Why aren't you still sleeping?" She ran a hand over her messy hair and slowly rose to her feet. "You let me run right into you."

"You didn't answer my fuckin' question." His voice hardened and then he looked to Eric, who's eyes were wide.

Sarah brushed off her jeans and glared at Eric for a moment and then shook her head.

"Sarah!" Negan put his hand out to the side as two of the guards finally caught up to where they stood. "Fuck, kid, you could have been shot."

"I was just-"

"Just nothing." He shook his head. "You know there have been strange people in these fucking woods? We don't know who the fuck they are. They could try to kidnap you or worse."

"I can take care of myself," she mumbled.

"Is that right?" Negan forced her to look at him. "And what if me and these two guys were out here and you didn't know us. What if we were the bad guys? What the fuck are you going to do to get away?"

Sarah shook her head, fighting back tears of frustration and embarrassment and then pushed by him.

"Just the kids?" Vince asked. He looked around the woods, huffing and still holding his gun.

"Yeah." Negan shook his head again and looked at Eric, who opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He managed a shrug. "Go on. Stay the fuck inside the walls."

"Yes sir." Eric trailed Sarah and Negan and the others followed them back to the front gates.

When they got back to The Manor Negan followed Sarah back to the house, and she remained a purposeful distance ahead of him until she stormed inside. Negan was expecting a door slam in the face, but Sarah simply swung it open fast and hurried into her room, slamming that door instead.

"What happened?" Alexandra rose to her feet, taking in Sarah's abrupt entrance and Negan's huffy-puffy posture.

"Sarah almost got herself and her little friend shot, that's what."

"What do you mean?"

"Fuckin'... playing around outside the walls in the woods. Her and one of the other kids."

"What? She said she was going down to play basketball about an hour ago."

"Well there's no fuckin' hoop out in the woods." He set his gun down and removed his jacket.

"Is that what you got called out there for?"

Negan nodded. "Yeah." He raised his eyes. "Jack and Franky said they've seen people they don't know wandering around out there."

"What?" Alexandra rose to her feet. "What do you mean? When?"

"Not since we've been here apparently... but who the fuck knows."

"It couldn't have been just kids playing out there?"

"I don't think so." Negan shook his head. "It's probably fuckin' nothing but we're keeping an extra eye out. Then the kid goes out there..." He shook his head, "Fuck... I never held back on killing someone when it was necessary but if I fuckin' shot Sarah..." He shook his head again.

Alexandra hugged him and rubbed a hand across his chest. "Want me to go talk to her?"

Negan shrugged. "I don't fuckin' know." He yawned. "I'd love to go back to fuckin' sleep."

"So go." She kissed him and smiled. "I got this one."

Negan pulled her back for another kiss and was about to head back upstairs when the radio he had in his hand went off. "Negan... need you back here, we have some more movement out in these woods."

Alexandra looked him in the eye a moment and he put the radio to his lips. "Sure it's not some more damn kids?"

"Negative..."

"I'll be right there." Negan set the radio down and reached for his jacket on the back of the couch.

"What is this?" Alexandra asked him.

"I don't know." He sighed and zipped himself up and grabbed his gun and the radio again. "Keep yourselves inside."

"Okay." She nodded and Negan leaned in to leave a lingering kiss on her lips.

"I'll be back."

Alexandra sighed and repeated the simple phrase. "Okay."


	61. Intruders

The woods were quiet... too quiet. Negan and the others scanned every path, fighting off the occasional walker and moving on. There was nothing else - no humans, no intruders.

Negan had a fleeting thought that whoever had been out there might have purposely attempted to lure the guards away to break in, and it caused him to back track. A sinking feeling developed in his stomach and he hated himself for no thinking of it sooner.

"Who's left back watching the gates?" He asked Vince, who stood some twenty yards away.

"Right this second?" He paused. "Nobody."

Negan shook his head and then moved faster back toward the compound.

"Negan, what-"

"It's a fucking setup!" He shouted and began to run, feeling Vince trailing him as he went.

Negan felt his heart rate picking up and his breathing was rapid and uneven. He felt like he was moving faster than he ever had in his life but it still wasn't fast enough. He had gone out a different exit than the men he was scaling the woods with and hadn't thought about the possibility of them leaving the main guard post unarmed until it was too late.

The view of the tower came into focus and Negan barreled his way through the trees until he came to the front entrance that hung open just enough to see through the cracks. His suspicions were correct, but in that moment he wasn't worried - not even when he saw a man holding a gun to Matt's head as Matt stood with his hands raised high above his head. All he felt was a heated anger arise in his chest.

The man hadn't recognized Negan yet, and he scanned the immediate area, counting four other men with guns.

Vince and the others piled in through the gates cursing out loud and making the men turn to face them with their weapons raised.

"We're not here to hurt anybody," the man with Matt claimed with a smile. "We just need a few things and then we'll be on our way."

Negan was seeing red. He hated being on the other side of the coin, but figured it was karma coming to pay him a visit. Still, he wasn't about to back down or even go berserk on the men. He had to play the game seeing as the community's founder was in the hands of an armed assailant.

"What's a few fuckin' things?" Negan asked.

"Matt!" Annie's voice screeched through the air.

"Fuck..." Negan said quietly and a second man immediately reached for her, grabbing her hostage along with her husband. He raised his gun, prompting the man with Matt to shout out.

"Whoa! Let's all calm down before this gets ugly fast." He squeezed Matt tighter against him. "I'm Chad, and I'm here to take a few things." He smirked. "I think it'd be best if you put your weapons down."

Negan looked the man in the eye, still keeping his weapon raised. He wasn't confident he could get a clean shot off at the man being so close to Matt. When Annie shrieked as the man holding her squeezed tighter and Chad pushed the end of the gun tighter against Matt's temple, Negan reluctantly laid down his weapon. The others followed.

"Not going to hurt anybody," Chad went on. "I'm going to walk him down toward your main food source. My friend Xavier over there is going to the building where you stock your weaponry." He waved a hand to his men, "Gather the weapons from the ground."

"Annie!" Matt called out.

"He won't hurt her," Chad claimed, still grinning. "We know you have guns... we've seen your people with different ones on the towers. We know you have food. We'll need a little of that too."

Negan studied the movements of the men around them.

"I don't want these guys doing anything that'll get their people killed," Chad went on, glancing at Negan, Vince and the others who had been out in the woods. "Why don't you two come with me, and you guys go with Xavier... oh, and walk in front of us. You got kids here right? I don't want them to be collateral damage to all this."

Negan and Vince made eye contact and complied in the moment. They walked ahead of Xavier toward the house where the weapons were stored. Negan reached for the radio on his belt. "Jack, get the kids out of the fuckin' center of town... now."

"Get off the radio or I'll blow her head off," Xavier said from behind.

Negan didn't look back. He continued walking trying to devise a plan in his mind. He took a deep breath as they rounded a bend, approaching the building. From windows he could see the women and others in town looking out from behind their curtains. Everyone was on edge, as if a morbid parade was passing through town. He hoped Alexandra and Sarah had stayed put like he asked.

"This is where you keep your weapons?" Xavier asked as Negan led the march and took a set of four or five steps up into a typical two-story colonial.

"Yep." He kept his answer short; simple. Even with such a simple question, he knew the less they had to go on the better.

"If you're lying I'll-"

"You'll blow her fucking brains out. "Negan turned to face him on the step. "Yeah, I fucking heard you the first time."

The man behind him cocked his gun and took a step in their direction.

"Where are the guns?" Xavier asked through gritted teeth.

"Down in the basement." Negan eyed him right back and tried not to take in the fearful look in Annie's eyes.

"Show us, and if you reach for any..." His voice trailed off as he didn't want Negan to call him out on the repetitive language.

Negan managed a smirk as Xavier didn't finish the sentence and then opened the door.

"Anybody in here?" Xavier asked him.

Negan shouted the sentence aloud. "Anybody in here?" He listened and waited, and then looked at the intruder before holding a hand out. The man behind him gave Negan a shove in the back with the butt of his gun. Negan clenched his jaw but didn't do the man justice of turning around and continued on into the house with the two men, Vince and Annie.

"Basement door?" Xavier asked, "Where the fuck is it?"

Negan could see that the man was slightly more on edge now, and decided to use it to his advantage.

"Round the corner in the kitchen." He held eye contact for an extra second.

Xavier stared back at him attempting to stay hard and in control but his eyes shifted nervously from person to person despite how much he narrowed them and flashed glares around the room.

"Johnny, stay with this guy upstairs." He looked back at Negan. "Come down to the basement with me." Xavier pulled Annie tighter, making her cry out.

Negan eyed Vince a moment, who nodded as if to say he was fine, and then Negan proceeded to round into the kitchen with them, motioning to a white door.

"Open it," Xavier ordered. "Now!"

"Sure." Negan decided to remain as calm as Xavier was anxious. He casually strolled toward the door, pulled it open and waved a hand upon flicking on the light switch. "All yours."

"You first."

"There's a lot of guns down there," Negan reminded him. "Sure you want me to fuckin' go first?" He winked, making Xavier's eyes shift wildly again. He knew the man wasn't sure what call to make now.

"Same step... together," he huffed, making Negan shrug.

"Alright."

Xavier positioned Annie in between them, holding the gun tighter to her temple and sending tears streaming down her face.

"It'll be alright honey," Negan said calmly. They took the dimly lit stairwell step by step an Xavier's eyes alternated between Negan and each step.

In the crease of the wall just inside the doorway was a wooden baseball bat and Negan almost smiled as he casually wrapped his right hand around the handle and held it at his side unnoticed.

"Faster," Xavier encouraged as Negan methodically took his time.

The walk felt like forever for Xavier and for Annie. For Negan, the bottom step couldn't come fast enough. The dull lights played into his favor and he motioned around the room as they reached the concrete floor. "This is all of it."

Xavier looked around and pulled Annie with him. "Stay the fuck over there," he ordered to Negan before wandering around the room, shopping around for the guns of his liking.

Annie continued I whimper in terror and Negan waited like a lion stalking its prey. Xavier reached for a box of bullets and shoved it into the pocket of his jacket. He stepped to the side and took another. With each step he grew slightly more comfortable and when his body turned just enough away from Negan he rushed at the man, swinging the bat and connecting hard with his ribs.

Xavier cried out in pain and released Annie, giving Negan the room to continue the assault. He swung the bat into his again and again until Xavier laid bloody on the floor begging for his life.

"Back up!" Negan ordered Annie, who backed away, still trembling.

"I'm... I'm s-s-sorry!" Xavier pleaded.

Negan smiled and stood above him. He glanced at the bloody barrel of the bat and then back to Xavier. "Well..." he chuckled, "You shoulda fuckin' thought of that before you tried to fuck with my people." Negan raised the bat, caring nothing for Xavier's final plea for his life and Annie turned away as Negan connected with Xavier's head over and over and over again.


	62. Old Friend

Negan stood above Xavier huffing and puffing. He swallowed hard and looked across the room at Annie, who was still in a state of shock. She had her eyes pressed shut, her hands on her ears and her back to him. She refused to fully look in his direction but seemed to snap out of when she heard a small commotion upstairs.

Footsteps on the first floor made the ceiling creak, and it was hard to tell what voice belonged to who.

"Hey," Negan said quietly as he hurried over to her. He put a finger to his lips and positioned himself in front of her. The two of them waited for a moment, different types of anxious butterflies making a home in their stomachs. Annie was terrified. Negan was ready for round two.

A moment later there were more footsteps and Negan was thankful Johnny was stupid enough to shout out for Xavier as he paraded down the flight of stairs so there wasn't even a question if it was Vince.

 _Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk_. The footsteps echoed off the walls and Annie had to put a hand over her mouth to keep herself from whimpering.

Johnny reached the basement floor and before he could get a word out Negan swung the bat and connected with his head with a sickening _crack_ as he rounded the corner. Johnny dropped to the floor, already unable to speak from the damage to his face and jaw. His eyes were wide, but blood filled his mouth and he couldn't even bring himself to reach for the gun that had scattered to the floor.

"Turn around," Negan ordered Annie, and then proceeded to do what he did best, easily ridding of Xavier's partner in crime with blow after blow with his Lucille replacement. Inside he felt some type of pent up release as he did away with the two men and for a moment he stood still. He acknowledged in his mind how good it felt to hold his most comforting weapon again. As odd as it would seem to anyone else, Negan felt like he could take on the world with the bat in his hands.

He stared down at the blood on his hands and clothing, taking in his dirty work and then glanced up the stairs at Vince who stared in awe.

Negan took a deep breath, grabbed the men's weapons and then reached for Annie's arm. "Let's go," he urged, "Come on. I'm not going to fuckin' hurt you."

She nodded, trying not to look at the carnage and hurried up the stairs a step ahead of Negan.

"Holy shit dude." Vince stared down at the body at the foot of the stairs. He accepted a gun from Negan and then hurried a step behind him.

Negan turned to Annie. "Go to your house. Lock yourself in."

"Matt..." it was the only word she could manage.

"I'm going to fucking save him."

She nodded again, her voice shaking. "Do whatever you have to do."

Negan looked at Vince. "You fuckin' good?"

"Yeah." He looked a combination of awestruck, impressed and scared.

"Let's go take on those other two motherfuckers." Negan went to turn down toward where their crops were grown and food was stored but found himself face to face with the barrel of a gun.

One of Chad's goons stood in front of him. "Don't you fucking move!" He took in Negan's appearance. "Where's Xavier and Johnny?"

Negan stared into the end of the gun. He knew the man had the ability to end his life with the simple flick of his index finger. He knew it wasn't the time to be a smartass.

"I said where they fuck are they?" The man shouted.

"The basement," Negan informed him.

"Who's blood is that?"

Negan looked him in the eye, raising his hands - one with the baseball bat and the other with the gun.

"That's Johnny's gun." The man cocked the gun back and pushed it an inch closer to Negan's face.

He could hear Vince's heavy breathing behind him. Negan never looked away challenging the stranger before him. Unlike Xavier the man's eyes weren't scattered and unsure. They were fixed just as hard on him.

The scene began to play out like an old western movie - three men in the street, guns in hand, the sun setting over the small town. Negan was sure only one side would leave the street alive, and he knew he had to think quick if it was going to be him. Part of him wanted to glance back to see what Vince looked like, but he was sure the image wouldn't provide him with confidence. His first impression of Vince, particularly being a big guy who was always dressed in camouflage and wielding a gun, was that he was tough; he could hold his own in pressure situations. Now, he was beginning to doubt that.

Negan knew if he tried to be quick and shoot there was a good chance he would be the one to take a bullet in the face first.

"You guys fucked up!" The enemy claimed. His hand tensed and Negan heard Vince say the words, "Oh fuck," quietly behind him.

 _This can't be fucking it_ , he thought. _After all this shit this nobody is going to fucking end it._ Negan hadn't planned on dying any time soon - certainly not on that day. From the corner of his eye he could see the house he shared with Alexandra and prayed at the very least that she wasn't sitting in the window watching everything unfold. She had been through enough and had done so much. Negan couldn't have her see him get his head blown off.

The two men continued their staredown and Negan was tempted to antagonize the man to see if he could call his bluff.

"You killed them didn't you?" the man asked, "Didn't you!"

"They fuckin' deserved it." Negan told him coldly.

The man clenched his jaw, continued to look at Negan through a set of pained, angry eyes and then there was nothing but the sound of a gunshot that rag through the air.


	63. Lucille

For a moment the world was still; the street was silent and the echoing remnants of the gunshot faded. Where the body dropped, dust rose and nobody moved.

Negan hadn't realized he closed his eyes until they opened and he stared straight ahead.

The man with the gun had slumped to the ground, his body lifeless and unmoving. Blood covered the front of his shirt as it poured from a gaping wound in throat. He didn't gargle or twitch or try to fight for his life. He was dead.

Negan slowly turned to look over his shoulder expecting to since Vince with the smoking gun. When he saw Alexandra's shaking hands on either side of the pistol, his mouth nearly dropped and he ran up to her.

"Alex..." Negan felt his chest tighten and even the close proximity of death didn't phase him as much as she did in that moment. He placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and slid them down toward her hands, slowly taking the gun.

She stared at the man on the ground for a brief second and then raised her gaze to meet his. "You... I, um... " Alexandra took a deep breath and Negan pulled her against his chest.

"You just fuckin' saved my life." He glanced over at the dead man on the ground and Vince gathered up the stray weapon.

"Only one man left," Vince pointed out. He, too, took a deep breath and stared at the body before taking a knife to the man's forehead.

Negan turned back to Alexandra and tilted her chin up with his first two fingers so she looked at him more directly. "Are you alright?" He could see she was in a state of mild shock and she finally nodded.

"Yeah... yes." She swallowed hard and then hugged him more fiercely, "Fuck, Negan, I didn't think I was going to..." She sighed, "You almost died. He was going to shoot you."

"He _was_ going to fuckin' shoot me, you're right." Negan needed her to know that the kill was justified. He knew Alexandra prided herself on saving lives, not taking them. "Honey..." He wasn't sure what to say next and ran a hand through her hair over and over again.

Alexandra clutched him tightly and she closed her eyes a moment. "Oh, Negan," she whispered.

"Where's Lucy?" he asked quietly.

"With Sarah in the house."

"Go back inside," he told her, "Lock yourself the fuck in. These guys who broke in here can't know you did this shit. I can't have them fucking gunning for you... not to mention this Chad fucking guy is still on the loose in here."

"I don't want..." Alexandra shook her head.

"Go be with Lucy." Negan touched her face and could feel her start to give in to him. "Please... fuck..." he shook his head, "You saved my life and now I can't have yours in danger. Go inside."

She stared at him for a moment and then nodded as he handed her back the gun.

"Go," he said again.

"I'm sorry." Alexandra had no idea what she was apologizing for but it was the only thing that felt right.

"Sorry for what?" Negan's eyes softened a bit as he focused on hers. "You didn't do anything wrong."

She swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I love you. Come home... soon."

"As soon as I take of this situation."

"Don't die." Alexandra couldn't think of a more honest request. The short sentence was all she could manage.

"I'm fucking invincible with you by my side doll." Negan tipped his mouth up in a smile and then escorted Alexandra toward the front steps of their home. She reluctantly made her way back inside and Negan waved a hand as if to say 'duck down' when Sarah peeked her head through the curtains of the front window.

"You ready to confront this Chad guy?" Vince asked as Negan turned back around when the front door opened and closed.

"Let's fucking go." He reached for the gun he'd retrieved from the dead man, checked it for bullets as they walked and then loaded up for the next confrontation.

...

When Negan and Vince approached the farm area several of the workers stood with their hands on their heads as Chad towed Matt around while he shopped for what he wanted. His threats, whether true or idle, could be heard from a distance and Negan knew what was about to go down would be sweeter.

"You!" Chad said pointing toward a man in overalls and a baseball hat, "Round me up a bunch of those carrots... all of them there. There aren't many."

"Don't fuckin' touch those carrots Luke," Negan ordered, bellowing the command above Chad's.

Chad abruptly turned in his direction and held Matt tighter against him with the gun secure against his temple. "Stay right the fuck there!" he ordered. "Or I'll blow his head off."

Negan paced to his right but didn't move forward. He grinned as he walked and twirled the baseball bat in one hand while still gripping the gun in the other. Vince stood behind him with a ready stance and his gun outstretched. "You see, Chad... it's Chad right?" Negan grinned, having been in similar situations before. "Your friend Xavier back there kept saying that same fucking shit."

Everyone's eyes were on Negan and hope filtered back into the farm workers.

Negan looked at Chad more directly and made sure the bloody barrel of the bat was at his eye level. "See how much good that fucking did him." He grinned again and took one step in his direction.

"Don't come any closer!" Chad demanded. His voice was less confident now. "Where's Xav-"

"You know where he fucking is," Negan told him. "Same place as Johnny... and whoever the fuck it is that drew his gun on me just a second too fucking late."

"Are they dead?" Matt choked out from the hold Chad had around his neck.

Negan glanced at him and then to Chad, who seemed to be asking the same question with his eyes. He grinned wider, and then laughed out loud. His eyes met Chad's as he answered Matt's question. "Fuck yeah they are." He twirled the bat in a circle again.

"Bullshit!" Chad shouted.

"Well... bullshit ain't going to bring them the fuck back now is it?"

"Tell me why I shouldn't fucking kill this guy?" Chad screamed, eyeing Matt for a second, who winced as he spoke the words. "Tell me!"

Negan continued to grin and pointed the barrel directly at him as he spoke. "You are in no fucking position to be making demands Chad. But... to answer your fuckin' question, if you have _any_ intention of walking out of here with your head still on your fucking shoulders then that motherfucker is the perfect fucking reason _not_ to kill him." He shook his head, smiling wider. "You think I would actually let you walk the fuck out of here if you fucking hurt this man?" He motioned with the bat again.

There was a silence that fell over everyone and, again, the world felt still as if someone had hit the pause button on life. At that second Chad seemed to know what was at stake for him. If he killed Matt, he died. If he let Matt go he was outnumbered, and death seemed like another sure option.

"Look man-"

"Name's Negan," he corrected him. The calm in his voice seemed to make everyone stand more on edge, even his own people.

"Negan..." Chad sighed, "We were fucking hungry." He began to beg now. "We didn't want to hurt anybody."

"Well... shoulda thought of that before you put these peoples' lives in danger... their kids lives in danger." Negan shook his head, "Fuck, I should just add your fuckin' blood to your friends' on the end of..." He stared down at the barrel and wanted to say Lucille but he couldn't. The moment brought out a rare emotion out of him and he felt a sadness trickle down his body. As quickly as he felt it he snapped out of it and focused on the moment.

"You should have asked for food," Matt choked out, "We would have shared."

"That's all I fucking want," Chad's lip was nearly quivering.

"Who the fuck do you work for?" Negan asked.

"What?"

"I can't fuckin' ask you the question any other way. Your group... who the fuck are they?"

"It's just us."

Negan smiled and walked toward him.

"Stop!" Chad begged, "St-"

Jack had been lingering in the back by the corn stalks and jumped on the opportunity to contribute. He tackled Chad to the ground, making him scream at first and then begin to cry. Matt scrambled away and repositioned himself behind Negan and Vince. With Chad secure Negan decided to shift the power back to Matt in order to keep the trust brewing between them. As easily as he could have run with it, he needed to keep the trust of the people after such a violent encounter.

"Hey Boss." He stared at Matt for a moment, who appeared shaken but stable. "What the fuck do you want us to do with this motherfucker? He's lying about his group."

"I'm not lying-"

"Shut the fuck up!" Negan turned and pointed the barrel at him and then paced up to him so they were nose to nose as Jack held him tightly from behind. "I will beat your motherfucking head in, don't think I won't." He raised the barrel next to his eye and hardened his features. "That's the blood of your friends. They're fucking faces are unrecognizable now and I didn't even have to put 'em down after the fucking fact because their brains are fucking bashed in. So unless you fucking convince me that you're telling the fucking truth you're going to be next." Negan took a breath and adjusted the collar of his jacket. He backed up a step and looked back to Matt. "Now... what is it you wanted us to do with him?"


	64. Not Going to Break

Putting Chad in a holding cell gave Negan flashbacks of The Hilltop. He subconsciously ran a hand across his wrists where the chain had been linked for so long.

"He should be secure here," Jack confirmed with a nod.

Negan looked at the man, who now eyed the ground in defeat. "You're a stupid fuck, ya know that?" Chad didn't respond. "Where are you from?" When he failed to reply again Negan squatted down holding the bat. Chad's eyes shifted toward the bloody barrel. "I've fuckin' done this shit before," he said quietly. "Many times and without hesitation... give me a reason not to be the holy fuck out of you."

Only a half-a-second passed before Chad's eyes rose to meet Negan's. "We have a group."

"How many?"

"Twenty... give or take."

"How fuckin' many?"

"Twenty-four... minus the three that were killed today."

"Have a spot nearby?"

"Not far," Chad explained, "We've been shacking up in a building about a twenty minute drive from here."

Jack eyed the two of them, shifting his gaze from Negan to Chad. "What are your people like?" he asked, "Why are you coming in here waving guns in our faces and demanding our stuff?"

"We're not bad people."

"You didn't answer his fucking question," Negan said.

Chad let out a loud, anxious sigh. "Look we just thought we could get a few things. We were scouting out two colonies, one to the north and one to the south. We chose you because their community was too large. Had too many weapons. Too many people."

"Who the fuck are they?"

"Gated community, somewhat like yours... walls, a leader, they move out in groups and go on runs together. They have vehicles - cars and a least one motorcycle."

"And you had no intention of trying to join a community... you just want to take?" Jack asked.

"What's going to happen when you don't make it back?" Negan added, purposely phrasing his wording as 'when' rather than 'if'.

Chad looked at him more directly. "What?"

"You heard me."

"What... when I don't make it back?" he swallowed. "You're going to kill me?"

"You're a fucking coward. Why the hell would we release you and let you go tell your twenty friends exactly what we have here?"

Chad shook his head, almost in disbelief. "I..."

Negan looked at Jack with a grin "He's not so fuckin' confident now, is he?"

"Looks like he's about to piss himself," Jack said with a laugh.

Negan chuckled. "You read my fuckin' mind."

"You're right..." Jack looked at him, letting his laughter tail off. "He'll go back and tell everyone what we have here."

"No I won't," Chad pleaded.

"Shut up," the two of them said at the same time, and then looked back at one another.

"What are you saying?" Negan asked Jack.

"I'm saying we give him the same fucking fate as his friends."

"Matt... what'll he think about this?"

Jack took in a deep breath through his nose. "We can tell him he threatened to tell his men what we have here... and then come storming back in."

Chad began to shake his head and Negan turned to him, "Shut the fuck up."

"I'm not-"

Jack threw a punch and Chad dropped his head and looked like he was about to cry. "Still want all of our fucking carrots?"

"I was just doing my job... doing what I was told," Chad claimed.

"I can't stand listening to this fucking guy talk," Negan said aloud to no one in particular. He could see Jack was itching to put Chad down and decided he was at the point that he didn't care. Without another thought he shifted the bat in his hand and handed to Jack, who looked down for several seconds before taking it. Negan didn't make eye contact, he began to walk out of the room as he spoke. "Do whatever you think is fuckin' right."

Jack looked down at the bloody bat in his hand and watched as Negan exited the room without looking back. The last thing Negan heard as the door shut behind him were Chad's frantic pleas for his life.

..

Alexandra sat with Lucy in her arms and Sarah slept on the couch beside her as a movie played on the television in front of them. When Negan opened the door he managed a closed-mouth smile and then kicked off his boots and removed his jacket. Immediately he pushed himself beside Alexandra and greeted her with a kiss before carefully taking Lucy from her arms. He tucked her in the crease of his left elbow and pulled Alexandra close with his other arm.

She closed her eyes and sighed against his chest.

"Are you okay?" Negan asked her.

"Yeah... I just can't believe we got attacked here now."

"I mean about... you're okay after you-"

"Yes." Alexandra nodded. "He was going to kill you."

"I know... but that doesn't make it any fuckin' easier."

She looked up at him and Negan turned to look her in the eye. "Yes it does."

Negan didn't break his stare. He was trying to read her. He knew her response was true, but he also knew from her body language that she wasn't herself. Before he could ask another question, there was a knock at the door followed by Matt's abrupt entrance. When he saw the four of them together on the couch he put up a hand.

"I apologize for just bursting in." Matt glanced at Lucy and then to Negan. "I don't want to take you from your family... especially after saving me, and Annie... and all of us, they way you did."

"But..." Negan closed his eyes and then slowly reopened them.

"We, uh, we need a town meeting." Matt looked at Alexandra apologetically. "I'm sorry Alex."

"For what?"

"Where are we meeting?" Negan asked him.

"Out on the green."

"Give us a half hour."

Matt nodded. "Of course." He nodded and saw himself out.

"Stay," Negan suggested, but Alexandra shook her head.

"No... I need to stay updated with what's going on."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I'm not going to break, Negan. I'm a strong woman."

He placed his lips against her cheek and kissed his way to her ear. "Yes you are," he whispered.

"It's safe?" Alexandra asked him, leaning into his kisses.

Negan let out another sigh. He envisioned the beatings he'd given the men earlier. "It's safe."


	65. Wash Away the Pain

The people of town had gathered in the center as night crept in. Negan arrived with Alexandra at his side as she pushed Lucy in a stroller. Sarah strolled at Negan's side quietly and the two hadn't spoke since he had scolded her prior to the chaos taking place.

People stared at one another, all looking frightened over the series of events. A small fire had been started and makeshift torch lights surrounded the meeting area on the green.

Alexandra had a fleeting thought of the Salem Witch Trials as they marched up quietly to the waiting group of people. She didn't know exactly what was in store for them, and despite the large group people were silent aside from a few whispers here and there.

Negan gave her shoulder a squeeze and approached Matt and Annie, who stood with their son Christopher in the center of the group. He wasn't sure if people were frightened of the events that had taken place, of him or a little bit of both. He was well aware of the brutality of the killings of their assailants and wasn't sure what type of experience the group had with that sort of thing. Still, he was more than prepared to defend his actions and knew he had a knack for winning people over with his words.

Jack strolled in last, freshly showered and stone-faced. He glanced at Negan gave a subtle head nod as they made eye contact.

"It appears we're all here," Matt stated the obvious and glanced around at his people. The hand he placed on Negan's shoulder was reassuring and then he addressed the community. "As most of you are aware we were attacked today by a rogue group of men. They came in with guns, held myself and Annie hostage among others." He swallowed hard and took in the pout on his son's face in the dim lighting. "It just goes to show you that there are bad people out there with intentions of harm against us... and other people."

"What are we going to do to defend ourselves?" A woman asked from the crowd. "What if they just came in shooting?"

"I'm prepared to address that." Matt nodded. "Negan and Jack, they saved us today. Saved my wife... potentially all of us."

Annie glanced at Negan and swallowed, appreciation and fear in her eye simultaneously. "Things could have been a lot worse," she spoke with a nod.

"That's why we need to create bigger teams of experienced men and women to defend this place," Matt went on. "We have some, but not enough... and I think from here on our we need to incorporate that into our daily schedule."

"Agreed," Jack said in a quiet, raspy voice.

"What happened to the man who held us hostage?" Luke, the one Chad had held at gunpoint asked. "The one who wanted the food."

"He's dead," Jack informed them louder.

Negan glanced in his direction again, almost smirking from the result of him handing his new found friend the blood baseball bat. "He, uh, informed us that they were part of a larger group of twenty men or so," Negan added before anyone could ask further questions, "So this might to be the last we see of them."

"What do we do?" Annie asked, nearly biting her tongue as the question rolled out of her mouth so abruptly. She glanced at Matt and then Negan.

Matt looked to Negan, seeming to be wondering the same thing, and everyone's eyes were on the two of them.

"I don't know if you'll like my idea," Negan confessed.

"I'd like to know," Jack said with a confident nod.

"You have experience in this realm," Matt said to him. He put his hope in Negan's hands. "You've, uh, you've gone through some shit haven't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah... I sure as fuck have."

"What do we do?" Another man from the crowd asked. "What can we do to keep them from coming back here."

Negan raised his eyebrows and tried to hide back a smile. He didn't know why he got amusement out of the thought, but he did. "You're not going to fucking like... and I'll take care of it myself."

"Anything," Annie said desperately. "They can't come back here." She ran a hand instinctively over the top of Christopher's head.

He cleared his throat and drew a hand across his eyebrows before speaking. "We put the remains of their friends out there beyond the walls for them to see. Would you fuck with someone after seeing that?"

People exchanged glances, though Jack, Vince and Franky seemed to be on board right away.

"I'm in," Franky said with a nod, "Yeah... they need to know they're fucking around with the wrong people."

"I'm in too," Sarah said, looking up at Negan, who grinned as he recognized the stubborn girl had gotten past her differences with him in order to back him up in front of everybody.

Matt glanced at Sarah and then back to Negan. "Whatever you think is best," he said. "I owe you... we owe you."

"I think the training and shit will come in handy," Jack added, "Need more good people guarding this place."

Negan looked around. The faces of the people were still a bit spooked. " Look," he began, "I don't enjoy killing people, but if it's me or them, or us or them, then they're going the fuck down. I will do any and fucking everything to keep you people safe, and if you're good with that then we can move past this and make sure these motherfuckers don't try to pull this shit again." He took a deep breath when he saw a few people begin to nod. He spoke more quietly. "Who the fuck is with me?"

"I'm with you," Jack said first.

"So am I," Franky said next.

When Annie spoke up to back Negan's words more people began to come around and get on board until the moral of the group rose and the postures of the townspeople grew less tense.

Negan turned to Matt. "I'll do the dirty work. My hands already have blood on them. I'll get these bodies out of here and we'll get the place cleaned up and back to normal."

"If anyone else shows up-"

"I'll fuckin' take their heads off too," Negan finished.

...

With the people in town on board, the bodies positioned as warnings outside the walls and the posts being taken care of by men Negan considered credible, Jack and Franky, he finally found himself in a position to relax after a headache of a day.

Sarah had passed out. Lucy was fed and put into the crib and Alexandra, too, finally hopped into the shower with an attempt to process what had happened that day.

She sighed as the hot water poured over her head in little streams, accompanied by apple-scented shampoo that gave her just the tiniest bit of homey comfort. Alexandra pictured the look on the man's face as he pointed the gun at Negan. She could tell he was about to pull the trigger and had she not acted so impulsively Negan might be dead right now.

The soap ran down her back, pooling up for a moment by the drain and Alexandra sighed again. She'd left the house on a gut instinct and she knew she would never question her intuition again. A part of her knew that something wasn't right; that Negan was in danger... and she was right.

Alexandra reached for a bar of soap on the shelf and lathered her hands up to wash her face. A simple shower was all the more therapeutic in the world they lived in, and in that moment she recognized how she had taken such a simple thing for granted back before it all started.

The beads of water gently patted her face, and the smell of the Dove gave her the same comforting feeling that the shampoo had. When she felt a hand on her shoulder she jumped and quickly wiped the soap away from her eyes so she could see.

"It's just me." Negan's voice eased her mind before she could even try spinning around to face him.

"Jumpy." Alexandra swallowed hard and turned to him. "Sorry."

He motioned for her to turn back around and then soaped up his hands, digging his thumbs into her upper back and shoulders as he did.

Alexandra felt goosebumps travel up her back and she scrunched her shoulders and closed her eyes. "That's almost better than sex," she told him with a light laugh.

"I'm glad you threw in the almost," he said back, chuckling as he continued to knead his fingers into her tense muscles. When he heard her sigh he asked, "Was that the first person you've killed?"

Alexandra shrugged. "Sort of... I, uh, put someone down who was close to death already once but none other than that. I only did that because he was suffering."

"You want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "I saved you... that's all there is to talk about."

Negan drew his hands down her back and then up again, continuing to dig his thumbs into her. He then took his time washing each of her arms and then pulled her against him as he moved the bar of soap in circles over her stomach.

Alexandra hugged him against her body and for a second the two of them just stood there until she began to cry.

Negan pushed wet hair back away from her face and off to the side before putting his lips to her ear. "Shh... it's okay."

She continued to cry, trying so fiercely to stop but she couldn't and she didn't know why. Negan's hand tightened over hers and Alexandra dug her other hand into his forearm. "I don't know why I'm..." she took a choppy set of breaths and tried to focus on his words.

"Because you're a good fucking person," he said quietly against her.

Alexandra swallowed hard and composed herself. "I don't at all regret it... you know that."

"I know that," Negan confirmed, kissing her neck once just below her earlobe. "I wish I had half the fucking conscience that you do."

"Neither of us would be alive if you weren't able to do what you do."

"Fuckin' killing people..." he shook his head.

"You're a survivor Negan... and because of that I am too." Alexandra leaned in and let the water beat against her face again and drew her hands over her eyes. She turned and faced him.

"Cry if you need to fuckin' cry doll." He looked her in the eyes and put a hand on her face.

She tried to smile and put a hand over his on her face. "I'm okay." Alexandra saw the concern in his face; in his eyes. She knew he could be ruthless and intimidating. He might have even crossed the line from time to time, she acknowledged, but with her he was different. He was softer and kind, but hard when he needed to be. No one else in the world knew this side of Negan.

"It's okay to break once in awhile," he told her.

Alexandra sniffled in once and shook her head. "No. I can't." She leaned her head against his damp, bare chest and he wrapped his arms around her.

"In here... in front of me... you can." Negan kissed her forehead, "Fuck, you think I'd ever let this side of me show out there?"

She smiled hugged him, looking down and made a joke to lighten the situation, pointing down. "Show that side of you?"

He followed her gaze down below his waist and let out a laugh. "You fuckin' kidding me? I'd have the women of this place lined up around the fuckin' block if I showed _that_ side of me."

Alexandra laughed and he put his hands on either side of her face before kissing her once chastely on the lips. "Sick of my bullshit yet?" she whispered.

Negan tipped his mouth up in a lopsided, closed-mouth grin. "Nah... I'm attracted to it."

"Mmm..." She sighed again and then pushed herself up onto her toes to kiss him again and then reached for the bar of soap in his hand. Alexandra held it up in front of him. "Your turn."

Negan put his hands out to the sides. "Do your worst to me."


	66. A Ring

Alexandra had gotten used to the new life she had in The Manor. Between the chaos that life had brought their way and being a new mother she found herself exhausted, but happily so. For the first time in a long time she felt like she was right where she should be; like she belonged nowhere else.

Life before meeting Negan was full of heartache, pain and uncertainty. Those she knew from before drifted out of her life and the out of the world, one by one, until she was the only one left. When she had been stranded on the top of the shed she thought that was it - that her life would end just as tragically as the others. Never in a million years did she expect fate to throw Negan her way as he swooped in with a smile, a collection of curse words and an egotistical hand to help her out of the mortal bind. Even moreso, she never imagined he would bring her the type of love that she had only imagined. It wasn't perfect, she knew, and their story was unorthodox to say the least... but Alexandra loved Negan. He made her a fighter and gave her strength, and she calmed him down and showed him love. They complimented each other so well in those aspects and it was the core of what made their relationship work.

Negan was in and out, regularly positioning himself on guard duty even when he wasn't asked. He wished to recruit more strong men, or women for that matter, who he could trust and who could hold their own.

 _Someone like Rick_ , he thought fleetingly. A smile crossed his face as he knew Rick was a survivor; one of the best he had come across in his travels. Had they been able to see eye-to-eye they probably could have conquered the world, he suspected; but Negan didn't work under anybody and he knew his stubborn ways were partially responsible for that. Even in The Manor, things worked well with Matt and Annie because they were passive and allowed him to get away with exactly enough in order to be himself. Negan knew he could rule this new community in time, though he wouldn't do it quite like The Sanctuary. He couldn't, and he knew that. The game and the players had changed around him.

Alexandra had made herself a regular visitor down at the medical building. The rest of the staff welcomed Lucy on the days she stopped in with open arms. New life brought such an elementary bout of joy into their lives and it restored hope in humanity and the future.

Negan swung open the door to the building and Alexandra rose to her feet from a chair where she sat with their daughter in the corner of the main room. "Where's my girl?"

"Right here." She grinned and held Lucy up to his waiting hands and Negan planted a kiss on the baby's cheek.

"I'm working half the overnight on the post... until two or three," he told her with a nod. "I just wanted to come in and see you both for a minute."

Alexandra wanted to plead with him that he worked for most of the day but she didn't. She knew Negan had to keep busy and safety of The Manor was his priority. "Okay." She gave him a closed-mouth smile and he leaned in and kissed her.

"Sorry doll." Negan grinned.

"We'll miss Daddy tonight, that's all." She smiled and gave a little wink as she pet the top of Lucy's head.

"Daddy will have something very fuckin' special for Mama when he gets home." Negan kissed her again on the lips and then sat down with Lucy still in his arms. He looked around the medical building. "Fuck..." He huffed a laugh and then smiled.

"What?" Alexandra sat beside him and leaned her elbow on the back of the chair, resting her palm on her cheek.

Negan looked back at her still smiling. "Just thinking about the old days... you at the medic center and me coming down for my bags of fuckin' ice."

"And calling me up to fluff the pillows under your broken leg..."

He laughed again. "When'd you know I was interested in more than just your doctor skills?"

"Right about then." Alexandra raised her eyebrows, smirking as she did and then let them fall. She admired him for a minute. "I fell so hard and fast for you." She continued to grin and shook her head without breaking eye contact with him. "But I bet you were used to that."

"I was," he admitted, and then went on. "But I wasn't used to be the one who was fuckin' falling."

She sighed and then leaned in and kissed him again. "Do you miss it there?"

"The Sanctuary?'

Alexandra nodded.

Negan thought a minute and nodded back. "I miss the structure and the whole fuckin' establishment I built up." He smirked, "But I'm happy here. I just don't want the lack of protection to get us all fuckin' ambushed again."

She placed her hand on his forearm and then admired Lucy for a moment. "She has your dimples." Alexandra touched the baby's cheek gently with her thumb. She looked up at Negan again. "I had a nightmare last night."

"Just a dream." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall.

"I know."

"Death involved?"

"When is it not?" Alexandra sighed. "I really hope these aren't leading to some premonition."

Negan opened his eyes. "Don't start with the voodoo bullshit." He smirked. "I'm like a fuckin' car remember? Nine lives."

"Knock on wood." She pointed toward a desk and Negan did it to please her.

"Look..." he cleared his throat. "I don't want you to get all fuckin'... sentimental on me or some shit-"

"About what?"

"Can I fuckin' finish?" He huffed a laugh. "Jesus..."

Alexandra snickered and waited for him to continue.

He reached into the pocket of his jeans. "Fuckin' promise me first."

She squinted, unable to decipher what was going on. "I promise not to get all sentimental... oh wait, all fucking sentimental."

Negan grinned. "Good." He paused for several seconds and then removed his hand from his pocket, keeping a fist. He held it over her hand. "Put your hands together, palms up."

Alexandra did as he asked and Negan opened his fist, allowing a tiny silver band to escape his hand. It dropped nearly into hers. For a second she stared at the piece of jewelry and then smiled at him.

"You're my fuckin' wife right?"

Alexandra chuckled and then slid the band over her left ring finger. It was a little loose but it stayed below the knuckle. She admired it for a moment and then looked up at him. "Can I break my promise?"

Negan grinned and leaned in to kiss her. "No."

Alexandra smiled and hugged him against her with Lucy in between them. "I love you... God, am I allowed to feel this giddy about a ring still?" She couldn't keep a smile from her face and knew from Negan that this was a major gesture. "Thank you."

"Can't have people thinking you're on the fuckin' market." He winked.

"I'm sure the baby doesn't give it away." Alexandra laughed and thanked him another time. "Now I won't be so mopey that you're not coming home until late." She raised her eyebrows with a grin.

Negan pulled her ear to his lips and spoke quietly. "Can you think of something to return the favor later on tonight?"

Alexandra laughed quietly and looked him in the eye with a nod. "I think I can think of something."

Negan kissed her again and then handed Lucy back over as he stood up.

"Be careful," Alexandra told him, adjusting the ring on her finger.

Negan smiled, taking in her posture for a moment. He put a hand on the side of her face, winked and then headed out of the building toward the watch tower.


	67. Happy Halloween

**Less than a week until Season 7 starts and we find out who Negan killed! It's going to be a good one :) Hope everyone's watching! I'll be heartbroken if it's Abraham!**

Sleep was scarce for Negan as he didn't trust whatever group was out there. He knew there were more of them and had enough experience being on the other end of things that he couldn't just sit back and relax. He found himself constantly on the watch tower almost aching to see more attackers so he could act and come up with a plan. With mid day breaking and almost a full twenty-four hours of no sleep approaching, Negan finally stepped down and headed home.

"Negan!" Matt shouted, waving a hand in his direction as he crossed through the center of town's courtyard.

 _Damn it_ , Negan thought to himself but crossed the cobblestone walkway. "Yeah?" He attempted not to sound annoyed.

"Anything?"

"Anything what?"

"People... new people?" Matt asked.

Negan knew his face and posture revealed how less-than-thrilled his mood was. "I'd tell you if there was anything out of the ordinary." He bit his tongue to keep himself from lashing out for no reason at all other than the fact that he was sleep-deprived.

"Right." He nodded and tipped the corner of his mouth up in a nervous smile. "Well thanks for pulling an all-nighter and half of today too. You're working around the clock for us, so please just take whatever time you need or want to be with your family and rest."

"Headed there now." He sighed, still slightly grumpy in his tone and gave a nod.

Matt waved as he kept on his way and looked almost apologetic from the way he raised his eyebrows.

"Come wake me up or call on the radio if shit hits the fan, or if anything else fuckin' goes down." Negan looked over his shoulder, waiting for Matt's confirmation.

He waved a handheld radio in the air. "You got it."

Negan nodded and pressed on, dragging his feet toward the house. When he arrived Alexandra greeted him with a smile on the front step where she was placing a pumpkin.

"Hey." She kissed him. "Got this pumpkin from the garden back there." Alexandra smiled at him. "They keep a calendar here. It's almost Halloween. Maybe we could carve this one. Sarah said-"

"I'm too fuckin' tired for that shit right now." Negan closed his eyes and began reaching for the doorknob. "Shit, I haven't sleep in a day... got five hours the day before that... only four or five the fuckin' day before that." He sighed and drew a hand across his eyebrows and pushed the door open with his other hand as he made his way past her. "Fuck..."

"You're right," Alexandra said to him, attempting not to argue back. She knew Negan was working around the clock more or less, and it was solely for the intention to protect their home with special attention to herself, their daughter and Sarah.

"I'm going to fuckin' sleep."

Alexandra sighed heavily on purpose to get his attention, but scooped up Lucy from the baby seat and headed inside after him.

"What?" Negan asked, turning around as he tossed his jacket onto the couch.

"Nothing." She shook her head and bounced Lucy in her arms.

"Why the fucking loud sigh?"

"Go to bed Negan." Alexandra turned her back to him as she walked across the living room. She knew he deserved the sleep, and couldn't blame him for being grumpy but she was struggling not to lash out back at him. 'Go to bed' was the simplest thing that came to mind.

"Thanks for the fuckin' permission." He turned and headed up the short stairwell, passing Sarah without so much as a hello and then closed the bedroom door behind him.

Sarah slid down the banister and landed on the first floor, eying Alexandra. "What's up his ass?"

"No sleep." Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "Guess it's just you and me with the pumpkin carving."

She gave a guilty expression. "I was thinking of heading down the road to toss around a football with Eric. He asked me earlier."

Alexandra tried to hide the disappointment in her features, and nodded, knowing that Sarah needed bonding time with other kids her age. She had been so deprived of it before and Alexandra suspected that she might have a crush on Eric. "Of course," she said with a big smile. "Go ahead."

"You're sure?" Sarah raised her eyebrows. "I could-"

"Go." Alexandra nodded with approval. "He's got a big smile for you."

She laughed lightly and rolled her eyes. "Whatever that means."

"Have fun but please be back at least to check in when it gets dark... and don't go outside these walls."

"I learned my lesson." Sarah smiled. "See ya later."

Alexandra waved and watched her leave, staring out the window for an extra second as Sarah wandered down the street. She sat down on the couch with Lucy, and then rose to her feet a moment later when she started to cry. "It's okay honey." She cradled her closer against her body and then went into the kitchen to find a bottle of milk before settling back down on the couch. She stared down at the ring on her hand and suddenly felt bad for Negan. He had been working so hard around the clock and she knew his intentions were all for them. He had told her many times before.

 _Give him a break_ , she told herself. A part of her missed their time together, as it had been so scarce as of late. Alexandra wanted some alone time with him, but wasn't even sure where to start, particularly with Negan getting no sleep and very little time at the house as it was.

She sat for awhile, waiting for Lucy to fall asleep and then settled her back in snugly to her seat. Alexandra laid beside Lucy, running a hand through her darkening hair for several minutes and then finally drifting off to sleep herself.

...

The room was dark when Alexandra woke up aside from a dim light trickling in from the kitchen. The sound of a door opening and closing had made her suddenly sit up but she saw no one.

"Sarah..." she called out lightly, careful not to wake Lucy. When no one answered she ran a hand across her eyes, yawned and then sat upright and stared out the window into the darkness. "Negan?" Alexandra listened but there was no one and then the front door opened abruptly, causing her to jump where she sat.

Negan walked through with his hair a bit of a mess, bags under his eyes, sporting sweatpants and holding a pumpkin under one arm.

"Jesus, you scared me." She took a breath and laid back down flat for a moment letting the small bout of adrenaline fade into her limbs.

He walked over to the couch, placed the pumpkin down on a small coffee table and then glanced at Alexandra, sitting at her feet.

Alexandra opened her eyes and stared at him when she realize he was looking at her. "What?" she asked.

Negan leaned his body over hers and then rested his chin against his hands on top of her stomach. "I'm a fuckin' dick when I'm tired."

She let a smile slowly spread across her face and then chuckled. "You definitely needed sleep."

"I still do." Negan used one hand to undo the button on her jeans.

"Is this your way of apologizing?" Alexandra asked him.

Negan pushed himself up off of her so he sat on his knees at the end of the couch. He then proceeded to pull the curtains shut. "Where's the kid?"

"She was supposed to check in before dark. Didn't she?"

Negan made a face and then wandered away for a moment to get the walkie-talkie. "Sarah. It's Negan." A moment of silence passed and then her voice came back over the receiver.

"Here... what?"

He shook his head and looked at Alexandra who sported a smile. "That's how you fuckin' answer kid?" Negan asked.

"Yes _father_ , what is it?" Sarah asked, overly sarcastic in her polite tone.

"Where are you?"

"Two houses down. We're all playing cards. Eric's mom is here, it's cool."

"Radio back before you come back."

"Roger that. Sarah... out."

Alexandra couldn't help but chuckle and Negan set the radio down. "That kid is somethin' else," he said, still shaking his head.

"She saved you don't forget." Alexandra raised her eyebrows.

"She's a fuckin' survivor, don't get me wrong but what a pain in the ass." Negan grinned. "Can't say the kid doesn't crack the fuck up though." He walked toward a bookshelf in the corner of the room and removed a small, white candle that sat on top amongst other decorations.

"What are you doing?" she asked him.

Negan slung the pumpkin back into his arm. "Doing this shit right."

"We don't have to." Alexandra still laid flat on her back.

"Let's fuckin' go doll." He slunk lazily like a cat into the kitchen and began to throw down garbage bags on the table.

She wandered in behind him and grabbed a knife from one of the drawers.

Negan stepped aside after placing the pumpkin down. "Do the fuckin' honors."

Alexandra proceeded to plunge the knife into the gourd and then carved a hole around the stem, pulling the top off. She looked at Negan who smirked and still looked like he was half asleep. "You look delirious," she told him with a laugh.

"I fuckin' am." He moved in behind her and slid his hands around her waist, continue to undo the front of her pants. "Keep carving sweetheart."

"I don't know if I should be holding a knife while you're doing that." She grinned and giggled to herself as he shoved her pants down toward the floor. Alexandra stepped out of them and felt him waiting for her to continue, and so she reluctantly began to pull the guts out of the pumpkin, immediately being reminded of walkers from the feel of the pumpkin's guts. She tossed everything down on the plastic bag and then closed her eyes with a smile when she felt his hand slip inside the front of her underwear.

Negan smirked when he tilted his head to catch the look on her face.

Alexandra sighed and felt his erection through his sweatpants as he stood closely behind her. She let her eyes flicker open, glancing down at her pumpkin-covered hands. "Mmm... I can't return the favor right now. My hands..."

"That's the fuckin' idea," he informed her with a chuckle against her ear. "I can do whatever I want right now." Negan let his hand travel farther down and felt her sigh again with a moan as she put both hands down flat on the table with the handle of the knife beneath her right hand.

"I have the knife don't forget," she whispered, allowing him to continue.

Negan laughed a little louder and used his foot to push her legs slightly farther apart. "Just keep your fuckin' hands flat on the table," he whispered back, clutching her earlobe in between his teeth.

Alexandra bit down on her bottom lip and did exactly as he asked, nearly moaning aloud as he bent her down over the table even farther. He pushed his hips against her and let his hands travel up the inside of her shirt and clutched each of her breasts with his hands.

"Sarah's definitely not coming home?" Alexandra asked him.

"Nope..." He reached for the light switch on the wall, leaving the only light in the room coming from a small recess light above the sink.

Alexandra smiled when his hands clutch back onto her hips. "I want to touch you too."

Negan nearly laughed but kept his dominance. "Well, that's just too fuckin' bad isn't it?"

She decided to play along, turned on by the tone of his voice and went to move her hand from the table. Negan grabbed her by the wrist and pinned her hand back down the table.

"Been awhile." Negan kept one hand on her waist and the other on her wrist.

"So don't waist any more time." Alexandra told him. She smiled and sighed in anticipation as Negan released her to drop his pants. "It's hot when you dominate me," she told him.

Negan pulled her hips to his and connected the two of them in one swift movement. Alexandra moaned and moved her arms reactively, prompting him to pin her hands back down. He groaned just after and closed his eyes. "Fuck..." he said quietly, dragging out the word.

She turned to look back at him, seeing his eyes pressed shut. For a moment he didn't move, though his hands gripped her hips harder. When he re-opened his eyes they made eye contact for a brief second and then he continued on, slowly at first despite how hard his fingers dug into her.

Alexandra couldn't keep quiet. It had been too long since their last encounter and she could see Negan was already struggling to prolong the initial blast of their hot and heavy interaction. "God..." she breathed as he moved a little harder and faster.

Negan already felt a pent up feeling rippling from his lower stomach down all the way through his legs. He knew stopping wasn't an option, and let his hands crawl up her back until he gripped her shoulders. When she cursed and said his name Negan let the feeling get the best of him, unable to even think about prolonging the moment.

Alexandra finally picked up one hand off the table and clutched his as he rearranged his arm so it was wrapped around her midsection from behind. Negan didn't try to fight her off this time as he relished in the climatic moment until he opened his eyes and pulled his face away from her shoulder where he had muffled his moans.

She closed her eyes as he breathed against her. When she turned her head to the side he attempted to give her a quick kiss but his lips landed against her cheek and he bowed his head, not letting her go.

"Fuck, I needed that shit." Negan told her, still breathing heavy.

"Me too, "Alexandra admitted.

"Sorry about earlier." He let out a breath against her neck. "Least you got to carve your pumpkin." Negan laughed at the same time she did. He reached down and pulled up his sweatpants and then flicked the light back on.

Alexandra smiled, staring into his darkened pupils and slightly red face. She then leaned in and gave him a kiss. "You still look exhausted."

"I fuckin' am." He smirked.

"Go to bed. I'll wait up for Sarah."

Negan stared down at her attire. "Going to get dressed first?"

Before she could answer the front door opened and Alexandra hurried to get herself back together. When Sarah emerged into the kitchen the two of them stood there a few feet apart and stared at her.

Sarah eyed both of them a minute and then narrowed her eyes. "What?"

Negan turned to Alexandra with a grin and a chuckle before yawning and heading past Sarah. "Night kid. Alex started the pumpkin carving... you get the face."

Sarah watched him a moment and then turned to Alexandra. "Ready to carve if you are." She stared at the pumpkin seeds strung across the table.

Alexandra smiled to herself and then saw Negan glance over his shoulder at her with another grin before he took the stairs back to the room.

"Well he's in a better mood, jeez..." Sarah reached for the knife. "Traditional... triangle eyes, upside down nose and a goofy mouth?"

She nodded. "Sounds good to me."

Sarah smirked. "Happy Halloween."

Alexandra smiled back. "Happy Halloween."


	68. All Along the Watchtower

**Happy Walking Dead Season 7 Premiere Day! haha, and thanks again for reading! :)**

Negan sat by himself on the tallest watch tower by the front gate with the tail end of a cigar between his teeth. Signs of early morning were upon them; crickets chirped, the glow of the first sun rays began pushing the deep blues away as the world grew brighter. The small community behind him began to come alive as the farmers made their way to care for the chickens and tend to the crops.

The woods were awake and the growling of a high number of walkers than usual. They paraded around aimlessly, some paying attention to Negan, wandering toward the wall as he towered above them.

"Fuckin' things," he said to himself, flicking the cigar off the edge and landing it against the shoulder of a walker sending a collection of sparks fluttering around like a tiny firework.

Negan sighed and sat back in the chair taking in the rare moment of solitude. He ignored the growls below him and closed his eyes for a brief second. He focused on the chirps, the sounds of nature that competed with the sounds of the undead. Negan wasn't one to really focus on the little things and in that moment he knew he could never truly appreciate things like that the way some people did. However, he rolled with the feeling and took in another deep breath.

There was something that broke the quiet; the calm. Before Negan had a chance to process it in his mind he felt his body jolt back in a violent movement that left him disoriented and flat on his back on the tower. His eyes were open now and he stared at the upside down buildings of The Manor. His head hung off the edge of the tower and he hadn't quite processed what had happened until he saw Jack running down the main road toward him with someone in the distance shadowing him.

"Negan!" Jack's voice bellowed and as he ran with a rifle in hand.

He sat up partway, recognizing his hand laid across his chest. When he pulled it away his palm was covered in blood. "Fuck." Negan took a deep breath and heard another gunshot. The wooden railing to the left by his head shattered and he ducked as wood splintered in all directions.

"Get down!" Jack hollered again, running as fast as he could to help Negan with the assailant on the opposite side of the walls.

Negan rolled himself to the edge and glanced over at the twenty foot fall below him. The pain began to set in on the left side of his body but he couldn't pinpoint the location of the wound. Without much cover he knew it would be good luck or bad luck that guided him to his fate. He hoped whoever was shooting at him would miss the next shot and by then maybe Jack would be able to get up to the watch tower to cover him.

He waited a moment, the next few seconds feeling like hours before a third shot rang out. Negan pressed his eyes shut and when there was no pain that came his way he reopened them.

"I got you man." Jack climbed a ladder off to the right and hurried up to his aid. He fired a round back into the woods hoping to scare off the shooter before actively looking around for someone. When his eyes landed on a blond man just in front of the woods line far off to the right he raised his weapon and fired, missing by several feet.

Negan groaned, but pushed himself up onto his knees and looked around the platform for his gun. When he located it, he stood up as quickly as he could and put the butt of the rifle into his good arm.

"Get down," Jack ordered, but Negan scanned the area, looking for whoever had shot him. When his eyes landed on the man in the distance he felt a mixture of feelings hit him as forcefully as the bullet had.

"Fuckin'..." Negan shook his head and winced, glancing briefly at the bloody saturation that decorated the front of his leather jacket.

"Surrender Negan!"

Jack glanced at him out of the corner of his eyes. "Who the fuck is that?"

Negan gritted his teeth before responding. "Dwight." He shook his head and raised his gun again. "Motherfucker was part of the group that slit my throat and locked me up."

"Fuck that shit." Jack raised his gun and fired toward Dwight, who took cover.

"Give us Negan and we'll leave you the fuck alone!" Dwight shouted.

Jack fired a collection of shots out in his direction, knowing he didn't have a clean shot.

Negan felt his body getting weaker. As much as he wanted to stay there and hunt Dwight down he knew he was running out of steam. Going after Dwight could be a death sentence, he knew, and there was no telling who else was out there. Dwight had tried to kill him with the first sniper shot so he obviously had tracked him down somehow. Negan knew something big would brew from this unless Dwight was killed, and he didn't see that as promising scenario.

A small crowd had gathered at the base of the tower and when Negan heard Alexandra's voice he spun around and looked down. "What the fuck are you doing out here?"

Jack's gun going off made her flinch and she pleaded for him to get down. "You're bleeding! Get down!"

"Go inside!"

"You need medical attention!"

When Dwight's voice shouted aloud again, Alexandra immediately recognized it. She and Negan made eye contact and he all but confirmed her suspicions with the look on his face.

"Give us Negan and we'll leave you alone!" Dwight shouted again.

"Fuck you!" Jack shot again and then with a simple click his it was apparent that his weapon was out of ammo. "Shit," he said quietly.

"Get down here Negan!" Alexandra demanded above the collection of voices.

"Go inside!" he yelled back again, and then dropped down to take whatever cover he could when another shot rang through the air from outside the walls.

Alexandra looked at Vince who stood next to her and grabbed his gun before hitting the button that lifted the gate.

"Alexandra!" Negan shouted in a voice so shrill he almost didn't recognize it was his voice.

Vince whipped out a knife and did away with several walkers that made their way toward them as the gate rose, and Alexandra put bullets in the heads of the others before the two of them made their way out.

She knew that Negan was in trouble being so open and exposed up on the watch tower. With Jack out of bullets and Negan unable to do much with his injury she could see the turn of events becoming tragic fast. On top of it, she knew she had to get rid of Dwight so he wouldn't return to the others and let the know of their whereabouts.

"Alex! Get the fuck back inside!" Negan bellowed again, shouting helplessly from above.

Alexandra didn't listen to him, making her way toward Dwight shooting the gun over and over as she got closer.

He ducked down firing back once, but Alexandra felt no fear. She only felt anger and knew that she had to come through successful in her attempt or it could mean a drastic turn of events for her, Negan, and Lucy. They had worked too hard to get where they were and she wasn't about to let Dwight take it all away.

"I think he's out of bullets!" Vince shouted beside her, seeing Dwight fiddling with the rifle as he got lower to the ground behind a fallen tree.

 _Bang. Click. Bang. Click. Bang._

Alexandra shot at Dwight, feeling her confidence rise as she grew closer. What she didn't anticipate was what happened next. Everything twisted and turned around and all of a sudden she wasn't facing forward anymore. There was a messy collection of trees, the sky and faint shouts in the background like a Picasso-esque dream. The colors all seemed to blend together and things felt more abstract than realistic. Her hands felt heavy and the gun she had dropped to the ground. Alexandra saw the barrel land across her right leg as blood trickled down her body. She couldn't feel anything, and she could comprehend even less. There was one thing she knew for certain - that she had been shot. The blast had been so forceful it knocked her back several feet and planted her solidly on her back.

The only thing that stood out the background was Negan's desperate cries as he shouted out her name amongst a string of profanities. That was the last thing Alexandra heard before her eyes closed shut and the world went black.


	69. The Fault of Old Demons

**So... not sure how everyone feels about Negan after the premiere. He killed my favorite character (Abraham), but Negan is also a favorite of course. Oh man, what an opening to the season! So exciting, sad and powerful! JDM was great as Negan I thought, but I am sad about Abe.**

Negan didn't think about pain or consequence. He rushed past Jack on the tower and began to make his way down the ladder, feeling his feet skipping rungs and then a shooting pain throughout his arm and chest.

"Motherfucker!" Negan's erratic footing as he frantically digressed downward sent him falling to the ground so hard that initially it knocked the wind out of him.

A walker stumbled toward him through the open gate and Negan forced himself onto all fours and pushed it away with one hand, barely able to breath.

Jack followed him down, leaping from several rings up and shoving the butt of the rifle into the walker's head until it laid motionless.

Negan struggled to stand up but began hobbling his way toward Alexandra, struggling to shout out her name.

"Negan stay in-" Jack began but he pushed passed him.

"Alexandra!" He finally managed a solid shout and felt panic hit him harder when he saw he laying motionless on the ground with Vince hovering above her.

"Where's the prick that did this?" Jack asked Vince.

"He took off!" He pointed, "That way!"

Jack began to run in the direction he pointed but Vince stopped him.

"He got into a car." He shook his head and looked down as Negan collapsed beside Alexandra.

"Alex..." he reached for her wrist and then cursed before placing two fingers on her neck to find a pulse. "How do I find her fucking pulse?" Negan shouted, pulling Vince down to the ground with them.

Jack got on a radio as more people gathered around them. "We need a doctor immediately. Gun shot to the abdomen. Critical condition!"

Negan's hands shook as he struggled to find her pulse while Vince did the same. "Alex baby fuckin' answer." He switched it hands to cover the blood that was gushing from her side. "Find her fucking pulse Vince!"

"I-I..." he switched back to her wrist.

Negan laid his head down on her chest and listened, using all logic and focus to see if he could hear her heart beating. When he felt a consistent pulse against his cheek he felt tears form in his eyes and then put a hand on her face. "Alexandra." He checked her breathing next. "She's breathing... fuck, where's the fucking doctor?!" He shoved Vince away and with the help of adrenaline he picked her up in his arms.

"Negan-" Jack tried to encourage him to wait but Negan walked past him.

"Get the fuck out of my way!" He ordered and walked back inside the gates with the group of people trailing him.

Some of the townspeople cried or looked on in disbelief as Jack closed the gate and walked on beside them. Finally one of the medical staff ran to their aid in time for Negan to nearly collapse.

"Fucking save her!" He demanded, clawing at the zipper on his jacket as he struggled to breath.

"Oh fuck." The doctor, William, looked at his wound as he ridded himself of his jacket.

"Fuckin' work on her!" Negan barked. He stared down through teary eyes at Alexandra, who laid lifeless. "Is her heart still beating?"

A second doctor rushed to the scene, urging the crowd back. "Oh my gosh."

"Her heart's beating," William confirmed. He cut her shirt from the bottom up. "We need to get her to the infirmary."

Negan closed his eyes a moment, a vision of Lucille's finals moments flashing through his mind. It was what sparked his eventual tyranny and brutal takeover as leader of the Sanctuary. He knew losing Alexandra would bring out the monster in him, this time far worse after the downward spiral of the world. Negan had felt like a monster at times, even though he knew it kept himself alive. He was terrified of losing the only human part of him that was left - Alexandra.

"Negan, I'm Nancy" the eldest of the medical staff knelt beside him, snapping him out of his daze. "We have to get you patched up." She began cutting his shirt in the same fashion as they had Alexandra's and Negan didn't fight him. His body felt numb, not from the pain of the wound but from his total and utter focus on his wife. "You're hurt really bad. We have to see if there are any bullet fragments in there of if it's a clean shot."

Negan ignored her, slipping his arms out the torn t-shirt and then paced up to where a group of people loaded Alexandra onto a stretcher. He rushed to her side. "Alexandra." He put a hand on her lifeless face and then pleaded with the doctor. "You fucking save her. You have to fucking save her."

"I'm going to do everything I can," William promised, and then helped the others raise her into the air.

Nancy followed closely behind as Negan struggled to press on.

"Negan!" Sarah ran up to him from the side holding Lucy and he felt a small ounce of hope in seeing his daughter.

"Kid, go back inside with Lucy." He cradled her against him for a brief second as she hugged him behind a tear-stained face.

"I'll go with her," Annie offered, wiping her own tears away from her eyes.

"Is Alex okay?" Sarah choked out.

"Go with Annie." He tried guiding her away but she grasped his hand with her free one. "Sarah, go..." Negan couldn't harden his voice the way he wanted to and Sarah didn't go. She followed them toward the medical building despite everyone's pleads for her to part from them.

"You're my family, I'm not leaving."

Negan couldn't argue. He tailed the medical staff as the made their way up to the building, rushing inside and immediately got Alexandra set up in a bed before hooking her up to all sorts of things that were completely foreign to him. "What's that? What the fuck is all that?"

Nancy cautiously began to examine Negan's wound, tracking the bullet wound to where it exited through the back of his shoulder. "I'm going to clean out your wound and get you patched up, " she told him.

"I'm not fucking leave her."

"I'll do it here." Nancy knew he wouldn't budge and she wasn't about to force him. She made her way to some cabinets, working calmly despite the intense nature of the situation. "Take these." She handed Negan two white pills and he took the without water and without questions. As bad as he wanted to push the doctors out of the way that were working on Alexandra he could only sit back and watch.

"Negan is she alive?" Sarah pleaded from the doorway. She cradled Lucy to her body in a naturally nurturing position. "Negan-"

"Yes!" he shouted, praying it was true. "Doc..."

"She's alive," William informed him without turning around. "The bullet fragmented." He shook his head. "Jane get me... get me... get me that right there!" He pointed to a tool next to where they worked and she handed it over. "Make sure the morphine drop is connected properly Jane, please."

The woman hurried, checking the drip and the needle in Alexandra's arm. She then hooked up a heart monitor and Negan felt a rush of relief when her heartbeat appeared to be at least somewhat normal.

"She's lost a lot of blood..." William spoke aloud to no one in particular. "Fucking..." He removed a bullet fragment.

"What?" Negan asked.

"The bullet fragmented," he said again. "It's going to be a long process." William turned to Negan. "Let Nancy get you in the bed over there." He motioned a few feet to the side of Alexandra. "Let her help you while I help her," he paused, "For Alexandra's sake. I need all of my attention on her."

Negan gritted his teeth and drew a hand across Alexandra's feet as he walked by and reluctantly laid in the bed, motioning for Sarah to bring Lucy with her toward him.

"I'm so sorry," Nancy said quietly to him, beginning to apply antiseptic ointment to his wound.

Negan didn't respond. He kept his eyes on the bed next to him and allowed Nancy the access she needed to patch him up. "You better fucking save her," he said quietly, prompting William to glance once in his direction before continuing his work.

Sarah slumped into a chair with Lucy, still crying as she held her.

"Give me her," Negan waved his hands at Sarah and felt tears fall down his face.

Sarah cried harder watching him cry and he put a hand on her head as she slumped into his side after he took Lucy.

"This is all my fucking fault." Negan sniffed in and held Lucy tightly against him. She mumbled sounds in her own language, unaware of what was happening around her.

"It's not your fault," Sarah told him.

"It's not your fault," Nancy echoed, beginning to stitch him up.

"It's my fault," Negan said again. "I've done some bad fucking things... bad fucking things." He began to sob. "I don't deserve all that I have." Negan wasn't sure if he was speaking to God, a higher power or simply to himself. "Please fucking spare her. Don't fucking let this be it. I'm selfish... I don't deserve it but she doesn't deserve to fucking die." He didn't hold back, continuing to cry against Lucy. "She needs her mom... Lucy needs her mom."


	70. Confessions

The night was a never-ending blur of nightmares and reality. The pain from the gunshot wound to Negan's shoulder began to make itself known as the adrenaline from the situation began to wear off. He fell asleep from exhaustion eventually, though seemed to wake up every half hour in a tormented panic.

Visions of Alexandra clouded Negan's dreams and he dreamed of her in the same hospital bed that Lucille had been in when the apocalypse began. He dreamed of Dwight returning with an army of Rick's people and dragging him away from Lucy. He dreamed of Alexandra turning into a zombie right in front of him and biting Sarah. Every time there was nothing he could do. Negan truly felt helpless.

Sweat dampened his forehead and this time when he sat up the eldest doctor, Nancy, sat in the corner of the room with a book of crossword puzzles beneath a dim light. She rose abruptly when she saw Negan awaken from his disturbing sleep and crossed the room.

"Are you alright?" she asked him, taking in his heavy, wild stare and anxious appearance.

Negan felt disoriented - like he might somehow still be in a dream. He waited for something crazy or abstract to happen, like Nancy transforming into a walker, but it never happened. He felt like he was almost sure that it would, and breathed in heavily as he struggled to wipe sweat from his hairline. The pain in his shoulder reminded him of how he met Alexandra and his eyes shifted to her bed that sat twenty feet to his right.

"Is she alive?" Negan asked. He stared at Nancy who crossed the room to examine his wound.

"She's sedated," she replied, adjusting a set of eyeglasses. "I think we got all the bullet fragments out."

"So she's fuckin' alive?" he needed absolute confirmation.

"Yes, she's alive." Nancy nodded and looked at him more directly. "You're a good husband, Negan. But you really need to rest. Your injury is serious."

"I can fuckin' handle this shit." Negan shook his head. He felt a panic rise in his chest again. "Where's Lucy... and Sarah?"

"They're at Annie and Matt's house for now. Sarah fought tooth and nail to stay." Nancy smiled and gathered up a small collection of pills and a cardboard cup of water. "They're safe. We've made sure of it."

Negan took a deep breath and inhaled the medication. He looked at Alexandra again and felt his throat tighten up. "I told her to stay the fuck inside."

"She might have saved your life."

"She is my fucking life." He opened his mouth to continue, but realized there was nothing more to say. Negan shook his head and then glanced out the window. "What time is it?"

"Close to one in the morning." Nancy began to change his bandages.

"Fuck. I was going to radio to Sarah to bring Lucy back here." He shook his head and took in a deep breath through his nose.

"They're safe Negan."

"Not necessarily if we get ambushed again."

Nancy continued on with what she was doing, drawing a hand through her short, white hair. "I'm sorry this happened to you and your wife. We appreciate you both a great deal here."

"She's can't fucking die." He felt the wooziness kick in with the medication. "Not Alexandra. She saved me."

Nancy looked at him. "She told us you saved her... from the dead."

"Yeah." He closed his eyes and laughed a moment and then felt his laughter turn to the start of a sob before tears fell from his eyes. Negan tried fighting them off, particularly in front of the old woman whom he barely knew, but the exhaustion, the medication and Alexandra's current status won over and he cried. "Fuck... yeah... she was a doctor at our old place... The Sanctuary..." He continued on almost incoherently but Nancy listened with a hand on his forearm. "I saved her from the fuckin' undead motherfuckers but she saved me. I got fucked up with a broken leg; fuckin' collarbone. She fixed me. She fuckin' fixed me and she brought me dinner every fucking night. Every night."

Nancy swallowed hard, squeezing his arm a little harder in a motherly fashion. "She's going to be okay. William... he's a miracle worker. And I'm not so bad myself."

The world was a blur in front of Negan. His tears painted his eyes nearly shut and his whole body felt heavy from the morphine. He wasn't used to feeling so out of control and incapacitated. While he was mildly aware in the moment, he was sure he wouldn't remember half of the things he was pouring out to Nancy the following day. "She doesn't deserve this shit. Neither did Lucille."

"Who's Lucille?"

"My other wife. My wife from fuckin' before. She died, too. She fucking died in front of me."

"Alexandra is not going to die."

"Fuckin' I bashed people in the head with Lucille. I killed 'em. I fuckin' did all that shit."

Nancy's eyebrows pressed together as she wasn't at all following and he assumed he was speaking incoherently at this point. "It's okay."

"She's paying for my fuck-ups."

"No she's not," Nancy insisted. "A man shot her... a bad man. It's not your fault."

"It's my fucking fault." Negan felt her wipe his face with some type of cloth but he kept his eyes closed. "I told her not to fuckin' stay with me."

"Well you're lucky she did. She's given you a beautiful child. It's a blessing you know."

Negan groaned and put a hand over his eyes. "Fuck..." He took a breath to attempt to control himself. "She would have been better off fuckin' staying under the radar. I'm a bad fuckin' man."

"Negan, you need to try to relax. This guilt you're feeling is unjustified and it's getting you nowhere."

"I fuckin'..." his voice grew quieter and Negan let the sentence trail away. "I killed them." Negan felt his eyes betraying him and they slowly closed. Nancy's voice began to sound far away, like she was miles in the distance.

"Rest." Nancy continued to dry his eyes and then moved to Alexandra's bedside.

Negan tried to fight off every single feeling that was running through his body - the guilt, the pain, the fear of losing Alexandra, the exhaustion. Again, like before, the combination of emotions beat him down until reality and the dream world mixed and guided him back into a deep, dark slumber.


	71. Promise

There was a warmth against Negan's forearm that awoke him and his eyes flickered open to take in his surroundings. Nancy had gone. The lighting in the room was dim, though a glow from behind the curtains over the window indicated a new day was among them. The voice beside Negan made his heart race, and he didn't want to get his hopes up until his eyes confirmed what he was hearing.

"Alexandra?" he turned his head to the side against the cold pillow recognizing their two beds were closer together than they had been.

Her tired eyes accompanied a smile that she wore only for him and she squeezed the lower half of his right arm again. "You know that hospital gown looks great on you." Alexandra's voice was barely there, but she smiled again.

Negan grinned and brought the back of her hand to his lips. "My stubborn girl," he said through a scratchy voice.

"Are you alright?"

"I am now."

Alexandra closed her eyes and rested her head back against the pillow, letting her hand drift back to his arm. The warmth of his other hand over hers made her smile for a moment. "For all the medications I've administered..." she cleared her throat. "I've never had the pleasure on being on pain medication before." Alexandra sighed, "I'm not so sure I like it."

"You got shot."

"Dwight," she remembered and opened her eyes to meet his stare.

Negan wanted to reach over to touch her face but he couldn't from the positions they both laid in. "I'm going to fucking kill him," he promised in a voice just above a whisper.

"How's Lucy?" Alexandra swallowed. "Nancy said she was with Sarah at Annie and Matt's."

"She is," he confirmed feeling the same tightness developing in his throat from before. "I'll have them bring her here."

"I want to see her."

"Okay." Negan squeezed her hand.

"They know we're here now Negan." Alexandra had no fear in her voice but her eyes betrayed her. "They'll come for you."

"We've got allies here."

She closed her eyes again and laid in silence for a moment. "God... I could've killed him. I should have."

"He could have killed you Alexandra." Negan took in a deep breath through his nose. "You can't fucking' do that shit again."

"If your life is on the line..." She shook her head. "I'd rather it be me."

"If you ever... if anything happened to you do you know what it would do to me?"

"Do you know what it would do to _me_?" Alexandra grimaced as she moved abruptly in her adamant remarks back to him

Negan sat more upright and winced before sliding his legs off the edge of the bed where he laid. He rose to his feet and took her hand in his, placing the other on her forehead. Before he could speak he pressed his eyebrows together and then kissed the area where his hand had been. "You're fucking burning up."

"I feel okay."

He looked around the room, first on the nightstand and then in drawers across the way. "Doc!" he shouted, "Hello!"

Nancy came running down the hall and into the room. "What's wrong?"

"I need a fuckin' thermometer."

"You need to get back in bed, Negan."

He gritted his teeth and looked at the old woman. "Get a thermometer." His voice was hard; persistent. Negan knew he must've frightened her at least a little bit because she didn't hesitate, hurrying out the room and returning with what he requested.

"It's clean," she informed him.

Negan grabbed it from her hand and put his hand on Alexandra's cheek. "Here baby." He felt fear arise in his chest and slipped the thermometer under her tongue.

Nancy crept in, leaning over his shoulder and placed the back of her hand across her forehead. "She's warm."

He would have typically shot back a phrase like _no shit_ but he couldn't bring himself to. Negan simply stared at the red line inside of the small, glass container as it rose, noting in his mind what a fever could mean in their world. "What's it say?" He breathed in heavily and allowed Nancy to reach past him to retrieve it from Alexandra's mouth.

"One hundred and two." She gave him a look and then headed for the door in a hurry.

"What the fuck's that mean?"

"She's got a fever." Nancy remained calm. "I'm going to get some ice for her forehead and some water."

Negan didn't argue. He returned his attention to Alexandra. "We're going to get the fever down."

"I don't want ice," she shook her head and scrunched her nose. "I'm actually a little cold."

He fought off tears and reached for the blanket on his own bed, placing it over the cover she already wore.

"Thank you." Alexandra smiled and glanced over at Nancy when she returned.

"Here you go honey." She gently laid the ice down on her forehead. "I'm going to see what antibiotics I can whip up for you to get rid of this fever."

Negan watched, eying Nancy as she struggled to remain positive. He could see there was concern in the old woman's face but she tried, with much difficulty, not to show it.

"Nancy-" he called, but she turned to face him.

"I'm just going to call William down here."

Negan didn't reply. He leaned over Alexandra and she immediately shot him a grin. "Stop looking at me like that. I'm going to be fine."

"I know." He swallowed hard.

"I'm a trained professional, don't forget." She grinned wider. "I know my condition... I fuckin' got this."

Negan managed a light laugh but felt tears leave the corners of his eyes. He placed a hand on her face and kissed her once on the lips. "You're not supposed to be the sick one," he whispered.

"I'm human." She grinned and accepted another kiss from him. "What if I said a little more of that would heal me? Would you believe me?"

He chuckled against her lips. "No... but I'll give it a shot anyway."

Alexandra rested her hand on the back of his head and kissed him again. "I want to kiss you as many times as I can."

Negan pulled back to look her in the eyes. There was a chilling nature to her words. "Why do you say that?" he asked quietly.

She smiled and sighed but didn't answer his question. "Can you ask Nancy to bring Lucy here?"

He didn't break eye contact with her for several seconds, hovering above where she laid and then finally nodded as a tear dropped from his cheek onto hers.

"I'm going to be fine Negan," Alexandra told him again. She locked her hand with his. "I promise."


	72. Just Visiting

Darkness. Dim lighting. The soothing pelt of rain against the rooftops. All of it was a repetitive, taunting version of Groundhog Day for Negan as he waited in the hospital room beside Alexandra. The on-and-off fever made him the most nervous. Early on he had seen many people die from feverish conditions only to come back as the monsters that walked all around them outside the walls.

He glanced out the window into the darkness, studying droplets of water that slowly crept down the pane of glass that separated them from the outside. The medical building had become their semi-permanent dwelling, and Negan prayed they would be able to head back to the place they called home.

Lucy's hands slipped around the exterior of the bottle that Negan fed to her and he looked down when her tiny fingers covered one of his. Her big, brown eyes stared back into his. In that moment he felt a calming sensation. He felt relaxed and almost far away from the tense reality they lived in. Negan secretly wished he could have taken back some of the actions he took in the last four years of his life in order to assure the safety of his family.

He kept his eyes on his baby daughter and wondered for a moment what would have become of him if Lucille hadn't died right in the gruesome beginning of it all. Negan wondered if he would have become the type of leader he portrayed at The Sanctuary. Would he have wanted to rule in such an overbearing, overpowering way, or would he have been content throwing his weight around but living as a part of a community the way he was doing now with Alexandra?

 _Things could have been different_ , he thought, while simultaneously recognizing that he would never have had the relationship he has now with Alexandra if Lucille hadn't died. Negan hated to acknowledge how much the love for those two women, and now his daughter affected him; but it was plain as day. They kept him human.

Negan's eyes shifted to Alexandra again who was still under the power of heavy pain medication. She had been in and out all that day and the plateauing nature of her condition didn't at all ease Negan's mind. He wanted her better, and he needed it to happen soon. Her condition paralyzed him and he couldn't bring himself to focus his attention anywhere else. On top of everything else, he knew he couldn't raise Lucy alone.

A knock on the frame of the open door broke Negan's attention, shattering his daydreams and stared across the way at Matt. The shadow of lighting made his features look almost eerie in the dark and Negan anticipated that there would be no good news to come.

"Would it be possible to step out into the lobby here to talk?" Matt asked, eyeing Lucy in his arms. "After you're, uh... after you're done."

Negan rose to his feet, seeing how timid Matt was to request him for whatever conference was about to take place. Had Matt been one of his men back at The Sanctuary he would have already degraded him for being so spineless at times. Negan knew he was an overbearing presence, but compared to others around the town he was a newcomer. While it wasn't in his nature to take orders, he couldn't wholly respect Matt's timid method of leadership.

"It can wait," Matt added.

"Sounds like it's an important matter." Negan crossed the room, glancing at Alexandra and continuing to feed Lucy who was tucked in his right arm.

"It is..."

"Well then it can't fuckin' wait, can it?" He was struggling to maintain his composure when he so badly wanted to point out all of Matt's leadership flaws and tell him how gutless he was.

Matt didn't respond and simply stared back at him before the two of them headed out of the room. When they reached the lightless lobby, Negan stared at Jack and Vince who waited.

"There were more of them today," Jack said after clearing his throat.

"More of what?" Negan's tone was hard but he didn't raise his voice.

Jack glanced down at Lucy then shifted his eyes back up to meet Negan's stare. "People... in the woods."

"What'd you fuckin' do about it?"

"Sent a few men out," Vince chimed in, "They scattered."

"Looked more like they were watching... or spying or something." Matt informed him.

"They're part of the group that held you captive," Jack suspected.

"The man who shot Alexandra and myself... yeah."

"And the others?" Matt asked.

Negan turned to him, "Well I haven't fuckin' seen them to be able to fuckin' tell you now, have I?"

"A woman... short brown hair," Jack explained, "A second woman with dreadlocks... looked like a fuckin' warrior. A kid in his mid-teens."

"Missing eye?" Negan asked, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Bandage over one of 'em, yeah," he nodded. Jack paused a moment. "No one's going to take your wife or your kids... or you for that fuckin' matter."

"That's right," Matt piggybacked.

"How'd they find you?" Vince wondered aloud, prompting another look from Negan.

"I've fuckin' been here Vince." Negan shook his head. "How the fuck would I know?" He took a deep breath and adjusted Lucy in his arms.

"No one's going to hurt your family," Jack vowed. "You're one of us now."

"Their community isn't any bigger than this one," Negan explained.

"What do they have for fire power?" Matt asked.

"Your typical guns and shit." Lucy detached her mouth from the bottle and Negan shifted her upright so she laid on his chest and set the bottle down. "They fucked with my old community, broke down the walls with a truck and let the motherfuckin' undead in. They'll talk first before they go that route. I know Rick... he's their leader, it's not his style."

"That blond guy with the burnt face shot first, talked second... or not at all," Vince pointed out.

Negan shook his head. "He's not one of them... he was one of my guys. Turned on me... had a personal fuckin' vendetta."

"Why?" Matt asked.

He decided to go with the less scary of the reasons, leaving out the fact that he burnt his face with an iron. "I fucked his wife." Matt raised his eyebrows and was about to speak but Negan shook his head. "Before I was with Alex." He glanced toward the open door that led to her room.

"I ain't judgin'," Jack said, shaking his head.

"He turned on me... set me up with this other group... Rick slit my throat and then I was locked up in a basement getting fed fuckin' dog food, getting sprayed with a cold hose twice a week and chained to a motherfuckin' wall." Negan clenched his jaw. "And then he fuckin' shoots my wife..." He would have clenched his fists if he wasn't holding Lucy. "When I get my hands on Dwight I'm going to bash his fuckin' head in."

"Is that the best thing-" Matt began, but Jack silenced him.

"That's exactly what we're going to do," Jack said in agreement.

The four men stood in silence for a moment until Alexandra's voice broke it.

"Negan?" there was a slight panic in the way she said his name and he suspected it was the empty nature of her room.

He looked at the three of them and then crossed back into the room.

"We need to take these people out before they come in here trying to take over shit," Jack said to Vince and Matt.

"I agree." Vince nodded. "I froze when the others came in. We can't have that again... so if we see 'em in the woods..." He shrugged. "I say we take our open shots."

Matt put a hand across his forehead. "They did start this. I mean a few months ago Alexandra would have been pregnant. Imagine if this man had shot her then. It would have been a tragedy."

"We fight," Jack stated. "Plain and simple... if it comes to that."

"That child needs parents," Matt agreed. "I'm in."

He stared through the doorway seeing Negan squatted down at Alexandra's bedside. She wore the tiniest smile on her face as he placed Lucy on the bed in the nook of her arm.

"Negan, what's going on?" she asked after taking in their daughter for a moment.

"Just... coming up with a fuckin' game plan doll." He forced a half-smile.

"Tell me." Her voice was soft but it dominated him.

"They saw Rick's boy out in the woods and a few others from the community."

"Carl?"

"Michonne too... another woman and two men. I couldn't tell who by their descriptions."

Alexandra sighed. "Oh, Negan..." She shook her head and looked down at Lucy.

Negan had to portray his best poker face and did so for her mental well-being. He was nervous beneath the surface but didn't at all show it. "Do you trust me honey?" He looked into her eyes so intently that Alexandra flashed a genuine smile despite the bad news he had given her.

"Yes."

He never broke eye contact and flashed a big smile back at her. "Good." Negan nodded. He left a kiss on her forehead. "Then don't fuckin' worry." Negan sighed and squeezed her hand and then ran his hand through her hair.. "Just fuckin' get better."


	73. We're All Guilty

Jack sat on watch with his eyes wide open and his adrenaline turned on high. With the events of late and Negan almost being picked off from the tower he didn't take a second off from his duty.

It was when late afternoon turned to early evening and the creatures of the night made their presence known that Jack sank lower in his chair and a finger on the trigger. The woods were alive to some degree but he hoped it wasn't with other human life. Each snap, crackle and pop made Jack's head spin in different directions and every time it was as if someone stuck him with a needle of epinephrine.

The walkers were scarce, though he didn't pay attention much to the few that stumbled by. Likewise, they didn't give Jack the time of day.

I could go for a cigarette, he thought watching the treetops sway in a gust of wind that brought on another light rain.

Jack adjusted his baseball hat, pulling it low just above his eyes and he then he saw it - the reason he was up there; movement.

He didn't move much, just his eyes. Jack had become tactical over the years and didn't at all give away what he was seeing. He sat alert; aware... he stalked the movement and waited for his moment as he reached for a holster on his belt.

"Come on you son of a bitch," he whispered. Jack eyes him up, free hand beginning to tighten on a handheld radio that he slowly brought up to his lips.

The smallest sound of crunching leaves with each step from the stranger echoed in Jack's ears as he adamantly zoned in on the sound.

"A little more," he said quietly to himself, "Farther..." Jack's hand shook just slightly as his thumb danced along the button that would project his voice to the receiving radio. Patience was his biggest ally and he knew he made the right call when he flexed his hand, triggered the button with his thumb and spoke into the walkie. "Now! Now! Now!"

Jack's eyes widened and he watched; listened. There was a scuffle in the trees, a struggle, and he lifted his weapon, peering through the scope on his rifle in an attempt to see what was going on.

...

Dwight turned in time to see the barrel of a baseball bat connect with his midsection. He cried out from the pain Negan emerged from the darkness in the risky ambush he had set up with Jack.

"Fuck... fuck you!" Dwight hollered and Negan slammed his head down into the mud and leaves with the butt of the bat leaving his nose gushing blood. He then reached in his jacket, strapped a pair of handcuffs on him and picked him up roughly from the ground before walking him toward the entrance of The Manor where Jack was waiting.

Once inside Negan shoved Dwight against the wall with all of his strength, crying out in pain himself from the toll it took on his injured arm.

"You fuckin' alone?" Negan asked, spitting as he talking and sighing from the pain.

"No." Dwight glared back at him and spit out a mouthful of blood.

Negan studied his features and smiled wide, shifting his eyes back and forth as he did. "Now I know you're fuckin' lying." He huffed a laugh and then hardened his features. "Jack!" Negan called up without looking away from Dwight. "Send a message out to Matt and the others... make sure everyone's in their homes."

The rain began to pick up and matted Negan's hair to the front of his face. The blood on Dwight's began to smear and Negan grabbed him roughly again as he led Dwight down the main road of the community.

"Just fuckin' do it," Dwight taunted. "Fuckin' do it."

Negan stopped and grabbed the bottom half of his face. "I will..." he promises, "Oh, you better fuckin' believe I will... but not just yet." Negan shook his head and gave another sinister grin and spoke in a voice just above a whisper, "No... not just yet."

He pushed Dwight forward again, heading toward the center of town and was pleased when he saw it appeared to be deserted.

"You don't want them to know, that's why..." Dwight continued to talk.

Negan didn't engage in the conversation no matter how bad Dwight baited him.

"You don't want the people of this fucking place to know what a motherfuckin' monster you really are."

"You shot a new mother and her husband," Negan reminded him. He turned to him. "Who's the fuckin' monster in their eyes? And for the record, not that we keep those any fuckin' more, I've already killed two other men in these walls who tried to compromise the safety of these fine motherfuckin' residents... so Dwight," he stopped to face him directly. "You'll just be another notch on the old fuckin' bed post when it comes to a bad guy getting his head bashed in."

The two men stared at each other in the darkness; in the rain. The storm was fitting and Dwight finally responded, using a flick of his head to sweep his wet hair back away from his face.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" He asked again.

Negan stared for an extra second and then smirked, pulling him by his bound arms and then walked him up to the side of a brick building. "Look through that window."

Dwight pressed his eyebrows together and refused.

"I said fucking look!" Negan demanded, turning him around and shoving his face against the glass.

Dwight stared into the room, the cold, wet pane stinging his bloody face. Alexandra laid asleep in a bed and Nancy sat a few feet away with Lucy in her arms. In Negan's hospital bed Sarah laid curled up in a ball as fast asleep as Alexandra.

"Perfect little fuckin' family," Dwight remarked.

Negan pushed his face harder into the glass. "She's in that fuckin' bed because of you. My fuckin' kid was almost a fuckin' orphan because of you and the fuckin' fireworks you shot off the other day."

"We're all guilty," Dwight said, wincing as Negan's grip tightened against him.

"I can't fuckin' argue with that," Negan said quietly, grinning wide again. "Fuck... I really can't argue with that shit!" He laughed and pulled Dwight away from the window, shoving him to the ground. Negan wiped rain away from his eyes as it continued to pour and pushed his hair back before raising the bat, opting out of using the loaded gun his pocket. "You just picked the wrong fuckin' person to cross in this guilty fuckin' fucked up world."

Dwight shook his head as he waited. "They'll come for you... they'll fuckin' finish what I started here." He sneered, "I'm sure that crazy kid of Rick's won't mind makin' your kid an orphan."

Negan swung the bat, connecting with the side of Dwight's head with a sickening crack. He slumped over, fell to the ground and Negan watch a moment as his body twitched. For just a half-a-second he felt just the slightest twinge of guilt, but then he pictured Alexandra's body slumping to the ground after being shot and he swung the bat again. The pain in his arm was nonexistent in the moment, but at one point in his anger-fueled rampage he swore he felt the stitches in his arm burst and blood begin to gush from the wound. Still, he didn't stop as he connected the barrel of the wooden baseball bat with the shattered remains of Dwight's face.


	74. I'd Die Happy

The rain seemed to pour harder and Negan droppee to his knees beside Dwight's body. He sunk his head, breathing heavy and then released the bat from his hand before collapsing down onto his side. For a moment it was hard to breath as the rain assaulted him, attacking from above. The aching in his arm was more recognizable now and it steadily transformed into a burning, relentless pain.

Negan closed his eyes and lifted a hand to unzip his jacket, immediately feeling the warm sensation of his own blood spilling out beneath it. He lifted a shaking hand in front of his face and re-opened his eyes to see the blood running down his wrist in little rivers.

He laid there alone for what felt like hours with the rain pouring down to wash away his crimes. Negan couldn't move. He had found his physical limit and so he continued to lay there. His whole body felt weak; numb. Killing Dwight hadn't felt like it did in the past with others, at least not in the aftermath. In the moment there had been nothing sweeter, and Dwight's comments about Alexandra and Lucy had left him seeing red. Still, the satisfaction he once got from imposing his will on those who crossed him had past its expiration date. In that moment, Negan recognized the dramatic nature in which things had changed; in which _he_ had changed

"Negan!" a male voice shouted and reality kicked in. The sound of the rain pelting the asphalt all around him grew louder; more realistic. It echoed in his eardrums and then he heard it again. "Negan!"

He didn't attempt to get up. The pain and exhaustion were too great, and had he been outside the walls or in the company of a walker or two he quite literally could have died right there on the ground.

Vince hurried in beside him, staring at Dwight's body for only a second before crouching down to help him out. "What happened? Jack radioed-"

"Get me inside," he choked out, clearing his throat and gripping the arm that had been shot less than a week before.

"Medical... William..." Vince spoke into the handheld radio. "We need medical attention outside the med building."

The squeaking sound of rusty wheels accompanied by footsteps made Vince turn with his weapon drawn.

"It's me!" Jack shouted, setting a wheelbarrow down beside Dwight's body. He stared at Negan. "What the fuck happened to you man?"

William emerged from the medical building and rushed over to where the two men were gathered in the street, hovering above Negan. "Can you stand with our help?" He asked, attempting to shade the rain with just his hand as he squinted.

Negan closed his eyes for another minute and then rose to his feet with the help of Vince's hand.

Jack glanced at Vince. "Help me lift the body in here." He made brief eye contact with William, who then turned his full attention on Negan.

"I've got it," Negan told him, taking a few steps in William's direction.

Vince hesitated but helped lift Dwight's remains with Jack into the wheelbarrow before Jack hurried back toward his post with the body.

"The wound opened up?" William asked, "Or-"

"Yeah." Negan wasn't able to release his arm from the jacket, and cried out in pain when he attempted to as they walked up to the front door of the medical building.

"Don't..." the doctor put a hand on his forearm. "We'll cut your arm out of it inside."

"Fuck..." Negan gritted his teeth and then let out a loud sigh as William pushed the door open.

"What's happening?" Nancy asked, keeping a safe distance from the door with Lucy in her arms, though emerged into the hallway. Alarm rang in her voice and filtered into her eyes when she saw Negan's tattered and bloody condition.

"Get me scissors," William ordered, guiding Negan into the room where Alexandra was resting.

Sarah immediately leapt to her feet, going from fast asleep to wide awake in a matter of seconds. She stared at Negan and quickly got out of the way as William helped him laid down in the small bed.

"Are you bit?" Sarah asked him, seeing the blood. Her voice was shrill and panicked.

Alexandra's eyes flickered open amidst the commotion and turned her head to see Negan shouting out loud again as William attempted to free his arm.

"Scissors!" the doctor shouted.

"Negan!" Alexandra sat up reactively and then grabbed her side with a painful holler and laid back down.

"I reopened the gunshot wound," Negan explained through a series of breaths. "No big fuckin' deal."

Nancy hurried in from the hallway, still holding Lucy, and handed William the scissors and he began cutting up Negan's sleeve.

"It might be a big fucking deal," William told him. "You shouldn't have done anything... physical." He couldn't come up with a better word for what he witnessed on the street.

"I'm fuckin' fine." Negan swallowed hard and groaned, glancing down at the blood that soaked the front of his shirt. "That's probably his blood."

"It's yours," William informed him, "And you're not fine." He cut up the center of his T-shirt after removing the jacket and then began to examine the wound.

"What happened?" Alexandra asked from the next bed over.

William poured rubbing alcohol on the extensive wound and Negan shouted out loud, cursing until Sarah and Alexandra both winced from the pain he was experiencing.

"I've got to stitch you back up." William moved across the room to get a needle and other supplies.

"Motherfucker..." Negan huffed. His neck, his shoulder, his back... the entire half of his body felt like knives were pinning him to the bed. With William's back to him he rose to his feet in a semi-delusional state. "Alexandra."

"Negan." She reached her arms toward him and shook her head in a feeble attempt to get him to lay back down. Before either of them could say or do anything further, Negan took a final step before his vision grew cloudy, the sights and sounds all around him began to fade and his body collapsed to the floor as he passed out.

...

Negan's dreams felt like a warped acid trip of distorted images, old demons and fictional version of the present. Dwight made a taunting, bloody appearance; Alexandra talked to him back in the basement at The Hilltop; Rick killed off everyone that mattered to him; Sarah turned on them and helped Carl break into The Manor with an army of walkers; Lucy was taken away from him by villains with no faces. In an equally disturbing nightmare Lucy turned into a walker without Alexandra's knowledge and attacked her in her hospital bed. For the first time in a long time, dreams were far worse than reality.

He felt a cold sensation against his chest, and down his arm. With the warped imagery that had taken over his mind all Negan could envision was a snake. He tried to shake it off but he couldn't move. "Get the fuck off!" he shouted. After everything Negan wasn't scared of a snake. He was annoyed; aggravated.

"Relax." The voice calmed him. "It's okay."

"Get it off," Negan repeated, toning it down this time and he took a deep breath through his nose. The feeling was different now; soothing. His eyes flickered open when he felt a warm compress on his forehead and he stared at Alexandra. For several seconds he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or if it was reality.

"Are you here?" Alexandra asked. She put a hand on top of the warm facecloth that was folded across his forehead.

Negan's eyes were heavy and his mind hadn't quite caught up. "Where the fuck are we?"

"The medical building." She glanced over her shoulder. "I'm not supposed to be out of bed. This is the first time I've gotten up." Alexandra ran a hand through his hair. Negan went to sit up but she placed a hand lightly against his chest. "Don't." She sighed and traced her fingers lightly over the large area on his upper chest that was bandaged. "Please don't Negan."

He swallowed hard and looked around the room before studying the streaky raindrops that ran down the windowpane. "Dwight..." he breathed out his name and then looked back at Alexandra. "Is he really dead?"

"Dwight..." She raised her eyebrows in alarm. "Dwight was here?"

Negan began to piece the events leading up to his hospitalization back together.

"I only got half of the story," Alexandra told him, staring at him slightly more intently. "Was it Dwight? Did he hurt you? Is that why-"

"I killed him Alex," Negan informed her, his voice barely there and scratchy. "I fuckin' killed him." He glanced down where her fingers still lingered on the white tape near his shoulder. "I just got carried away that's all." He shook his head, "Fuck."

"You killed Dwight?" She raised her eyebrows. "He came back?"

"I knew he would."

"You shouldn't have left the medical building." Alexandra shook her head. "Not in this condition."

"If I hadn't he might have had a chance to get in here and who knows what would have fuckin' happened."

"You can't do that kind of shit." Her hardened tone was due to panic more than anger. "What if... what if... I can't believe you went out there with a fresh gunshot wound."

Negan shook his head but didn't at all get riled up. He stated the sentence matter-of-factly in a calm, deliberate manner. "And you shouldn't have gone out of the walls running after Dwight in the first place." He looked her in the eye. "You could have been killed." The two of them stared at one another for a moment and then he softened his eyes. "Get back into bed doll." He lifted his good arm and gently touched the curve of her face.

Alexandra studied his expression a moment and adjusted more cold compresses along his shoulder. "Unlike the first time I took care of you, this time if you don't obey my requests as your nurse to stay in this bed until you're better, I'll get out of _my_ bed, hunt you down and kill you myself."

Negan cracked a wide smile and then chuckled once. "If you're the last thing I saw... I'd fuckin' die happy." She smiled back and then his slowly faded as he reflected on the events of that night. Negan let his hand drift over hers. "I can't fuckin' do this shit anymore." He shook his head and closed his eyes as she stroked his hair again. "I can't fuckin' do it."


	75. Polaroids

Negan's eyes flickered open and he looked around the room. A small bout of light shined in through the window and the night before felt like weeks had passed, or at least as if killing Dwight had been a vivid dream. A consistent thumping pulsed in his arm where the pain still lingered but threw the covers off of himself and went to get out of the small hospital bed.

"Don't even think about it." Alexandra's voice broke the silence and Negan turned to her cracking a smile before getting out of bed anyway.

"I was only getting up so I could do this..." he shuffled over a few steps to where she laid and planted a kiss on her lips. "Look at the two of us... what a fuckin' mess, huh?"

"Speak for yourself," Alexandra teased, chuckling against his lips. She pointed toward the bed. "I still consider myself your doctor... so go lay down."

Negan kissed her again. "I wish we could live in some fucking peace. It's my fault."

"Don't start." She hugged him against her for a moment and then waited until he looked up at her. "Any idea what's going on with the rest of them?"

"No." Negan shook his head. "Fuck I barely can retrace everything that happened last night."

"Dwight's dead." Alexandra looked him in the eye and awaited the confirmation she already knew to be true.

"Yeah." Negan looked over his shoulder toward the window. He paused a moment and then wandered over to peer outside. His eyes scanned the pavement where Dwight's blood had spilled and there was next to no evidence of his crimes after the heavy rains had washed the blood away. He put a hand on the window sill and bowed his head for a moment.

"Negan..." Alexandra called to him. "Hey..." When he turned to her she waved him back to her. "You, uh..." she grinned before stating her next set of words, "Have you been with other women here since I've been in this hospital bed?"

"You're fuckin' kidding me, right?" Negan crossed back to her bedside and stood with his eyes locked on hers, eyebrows pressed together.

"Yes, I'm kidding" Alexandra admitted with a chuckle and then reached for his hand. "Only reason I'm asking is because one time back at The Sanctuary you said you wouldn't have sex with me because you would lose your edge that day when there was a lot of heavy shit going on." Alexandra laughed lightly again. "Do you remember that?"

Negan tipped his mouth up in a smirk. "What a lame fuckin' decision that was huh?"

She laughed with him a moment and then squeezed her fingers against his palm. "Don't lose your edge Negan." Alexandra looked him in the eye. "Don't ever second-guess yourself."

"My actions fuckin' got you here."

"No, _my_ actions got me here," she reminded him. "You are _not_ a bad man. You have made sacrifices of a few to save many and it has worked... it has kept you alive, it's kept me alive... it's kept others alive."

A knock from out in the hallway made them both turn. Jack gave an awkward wave and then grinned. "I'd have killed that douchbag too, if it holds any weight." He grinned, "Probably would have used a fuckin' gunshot wound to the head or somethin' a little quicker," Jack laughed, "But that prick deserved what he got plain and simple. Matt and everyone else supports that. I just came in to check on how you were doing brother."

Alexandra smiled and looked at Negan when he used the last word. She loved how quickly the their little, unorthodox group had been accepted.

Negan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "They don't think I'm a fuckin' scary motherfucker now?"

"No, they do," Jack confessed with a laugh, "Fuck, Matt is so happy you're on our side." He nodded. "Whatever or whoever is out in those woods... they ain't getting in here... not without a fight."

"Have you seen any of the others?" Alexandra asked. She shifted in slight discomfort.

Jack looked to Negan but didn't say anything. The look on his face made him realize that something else had gone on that he didn't know about.

"What?" Negan and Alexandra asked at the same time. His tone was hard; slightly angry. Hers was fearful and she sat with her eyes wide.

Jack reached into the back of his pants where he'd tucked a dirty, wet manila envelope.

"What the fuck is this?" Negan asked.

"I didn't open it. Has your name on it."

He raised his eyes to meet Jack's. "Better fuckin' person than I am." Negan reached for the envelope. "That shit would have been opened the second I saw it."

Jack grinned but seemed anxious to know what was inside.

Negan tore open the top of it, nothing bothering to be delicate and then reached inside.

"What is it?" Alexandra asked him. When he didn't immediately answer she pushed. "Negan."

He stared down into the envelope and then removed two Polaroid pictures he had been staring at for the last six or seven seconds. "Hmm..."

"What?" She asked, sitting more upright.

Negan removed the photos and then turned them so she could see, doing the same with Jack.

"That isn't this Dwight guy... right?" Jack asked, arching his neck to see.

"No... "

"Who is it?" Alexandra asked him.

Negan ran a hand over his beard and tapped the Polaroids against the back of his knuckles. "It's the men I fuckin' killed from their group awhile back." He looked at Alexandra, "Do you remember when I was mapping out the roadblocks and all that shit after Rick and them killed all of our people who were stationed in the fuckin' radio building? Killed another group of 'em on the road just before..."

She nodded. "You were up all night."

"Yeah." Negan showed her the photos of the two men who lay dead on the ground with their head bashed in. "This was that night... these were their fuckin' guys. I killed them in retaliation for all that shit."

"I remember." She took a deep breath. "Why are they sending these? Where did the pictures even come from?"

Jack sat back with his arms folded against his chest taking in their discussion. "You all have a lot of history together huh... with this group?"

"To say the fuckin' least." Negan shook his head again and ran a hand through his hair.

"Think they'll back off after seeing this Dwight dude's body?" Jack asked him.

Negan shook his head. "No... not this motherfucker. I hate to fuckin' admit it but Rick doesn't scare easy. He's got piss and vinegar in his veins and to get his fuckin' hands back on me..." He shrugged and let the sentence go unfinished. When he felt Alexandra's eyes on him he glanced down at her.

"What if they thought you were dead. Maybe they'd leave," she thought aloud.

Negan shook his head. "Rick knows better. He wouldn't quit until he saw a stake through my fuckin' heart."

"These guys you killed," Jack said, "Is this all about them?"

He cleared his throat. "I killed two men that night. Fuck... Rick killed twenty of mine first."

"At least," Alexandra added.

"They were his right-hand men," Negan told him. He nodded. "Starting to think I should've just cut the head off the fuckin' snake."

"So... what the hell's this mean?" Jack asked him. "Who are these guys?"

He flipped the picture, "Glenn Rhee," Negan informed him, holding the first picture between his middle and index fingers. "Heard their names over and over when I was being held captive. Fuck, you think they knew any of my men's names?" He shook his head and flipped the photo around so Alexandra and Jack could read the single word written in a dull magic marker across the white strip at the bottom, back side of the photo.

Jack read it aloud. "Surrender."


	76. Caregiver

Alexandra waited helplessly in the hospital bed for Negan to get back from a meeting he went on to attend with Matt, Jack and the others despite her wishes that he stay put in bed. Nancy, too, gave him just as hard of a time for walking out of the medical building without listening to a word she had to say.

Lucy had been fussy most of the afternoon and Alexandra used every trick she could think of to get her to settle down. She rocked her, sang to her fed her, changed her. It was well over an hour of on-and-off crying that she finally rested peacefully in her mother's arms.

"I guess we all have our days," Nancy said with a warm smile as Alexandra slowly made her way toward the window to sit in an oversized chair. "Don't hurt yourself, dear."

Alexandra smiled back. Nancy was so motherly and sweet. She was glad to see that someone like her could last the stand of time against all of the evil and death out in the world. "I'm okay. Gosh, Lucy has really been an easy baby." She tapped her fist against the wooden frame that surrounded the window.

"Yes, you better knock on wood," the old doctor laughed, "I've seen some fussy ones in my day."

"Do you have... or did you..." Alexandra wasn't sure how to word the question.

"No." She shook her head, "No, I regret it to some extent but I was all about my work." Nancy smiled again and adjusted her glasses.

"You're so natural with Lucy."

"I was a pediatrician." Nancy nodded, "I love children. I'm sad I never had one or two of my own but it allowed me to give my full attention to my patients." She shrugged, "I'm not sure if that counts as a regret, because I don't know that I would have necessarily done anything different."

Alexandra smiled. "You're a good person. I appreciate all the help you've given us with Lucy... and with Sarah."

"Sarah." Nancy chuckled and folded a small blanket that was crumpled at the bottom of Negan's bed. "She's a tough cookie."

"She is. How is she? I haven't had the chance to be around her at all."

"She's been helping in the garden quite a bit. I think she likes the company of the young man who's about her age. He got her helping out down there."

Alexandra grinned. "I'm glad she's got a friend. Someone her own age." She shook her head, "She's one of a kind."

"Big heart," Nancy added, "She's been up until all hours of the night worrying about the two of you."

"Poor kid." She shook her head.

Nancy grinned again. "I think she's going to be alright. She has just the right combination of toughness, love and mischief in her heart."

Alexandra laughed lightly. "That's spot on for Sarah. You're absolutely right." She smiled and then looked to Nancy. "I haven't seen Negan's wound up close. Is he-"

"He'll be alright if he listens. Such a stubborn man." She grinned again and then looked at Alexandra more directly. "I don't know him all that well, not yet... but when you were shot he was a blubbering mess, blaming himself and such."

Alexandra half-smiled but looked down. "He has a tendency to do that."

"That man is terrified to lose you," Nancy went on, "He's got the mouth of a sailor and he's got a rough-and-tough exterior, but my God I have not seen that type of fear in someone's eyes in quite some time... even in our conditions."

Alexandra felt her chest tighten. She knew the feeling and knew Negan was in harms way far more than she was. "We've been through our share... like anyone." She nodded, "Thank you for everything Nancy."

Nancy nodded and admired Lucy for a moment and then heard the door open and close with the collection of male voices. When Negan rounded into the room he grinned and looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Why does it feel like my ears are fuckin' ringing?" he leaned an arm on the doorframe and eyed them both with playful accusation.

"Because you've got good intuition," Nancy told him. She smiled and went to walk past him out of the room. "We were just talking about you."

Negan laughed and allowed her to pass him as he took a step inside, "All good shit I'm sure."

Nancy, who neither of them had heard curse, turned to look over her shoulder at him as she headed toward the main door to the facility to exit, "All good shit," she confirmed, drawing a heartier laugh from Negan. He looked back to Alexandra.

"You're rubbing off on everyone," she told him.

"Women fuckin' love me," he teased, "Of all ages."

Alexandra laughed and when he crossed the room she pulled him down to her and left a long purposeful kiss on his lips. "Why are you so fucking stubborn?" she whispered. "You were supposed to stay in this room to rest all day."

"It was absolutely necessary." He grinned, "And I played a few rounds of checkers with Sarah."

"Yeah?"

"Three games," Negan went on, "Beat her twice and let her have the third game."

Alexandra smiled wide at him. "This dad stuff comes natural huh?"

"I think I'm more like a cool uncle to that kid." He laughed and then looked around the room. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

Negan put up a finger and rounded out into the hall. She waited for several minutes and raised her eyebrows when he came back with a large bin full of water. He placed it down and kicked the door shut behind him. "Close the curtains." Alexandra eyed Negan as he scooped Lucy from her arms and set her perfectly propped up against the pillows on the bed he had been sleeping in. "Look at that, perfect," he gushed, running a hand over her head as she remained sleeping soundly.

She stood up slowly from where she sat and tossed the curtains over the window, blocking out the last remaining rays of sun as afternoon faded and evening began to set in. "What are you doing?"

Negan rolled up his sleeves to the best of his ability. "I'm on bath duty tonight." He began to wring out a sponge with his good arm and Alexandra didn't attempt to argue. She crossed the room, sat down on the bed and let him help her out of the shirt she wore.

"You may need this more than I do," Alexandra told him with a light laugh.

Negan smiled and leaned into kiss her before drawing a hand lightly over her side where she had been shot.

"I look like Dr. Frankenstein," she said, tracing the stitches on the exterior side of her abdomen.

"Well, you are a doctor so it's fitting." He grinned, keeping his face close to hers.

Alexandra raised her hand to his face and kissed him. "Maybe we should leave here," she said quietly in the break of their kiss.

"No." He kissed her back a little harder, not wanting to discuss all of the potential possibilities. Each time she tried to pull back he kissed her again until she finally stopped trying to talk. When he need to come up for a deeper breath he spoke first before she could. "Let me just give you a fuckin' bath, alright?" he kissed her once on the lips again and she agreed.

"Alright." Alexandra sighed and opened her eyes to see his flicker open. They stared at one another for a second or two and then Negan reached down into the bucket and removed a soapy washcloth. When he drew it across her bare shoulders Alexandra shuddered from the warmth of the water and the feel of his hands combined.

"Close your eyes." Negan told her.

She did as he asked and laid her head back flat on the pillow with a decompressing sigh. He gently patted the washcloth over her face and then wet the cloth again and gently washed her upper body.

Alexandra smiled but didn't open her eyes. "I think we may have to incorporate this as part of foreplay when I finally get out of here."

Negan chuckled and continued on with what he was doing. "Let Daddy take care of Mama."

"Do you worst to me." She smiled wide upon hearing him laugh a little louder, and then opened her eyes as he paid attention to her side where the collection of stitches decorated her skin.

Negan looked her in the eye a moment, leaving his hand there. "Hurt?"

Alexandra shook her head. "No."

He proceeded cautiously, patting the area carefully with the cloth and then looked around. "Where's the anti-whatever shit you've been putting on this?"

She nodded toward the door. "In the main room. Top cabinet of the gray filing cabinet."

Negan left the room for a moment and returned a few seconds later. He put a drop of the cream in his palm and continued to gently care for the area before placing gauze pads over the area. "I could have been a fuckin' doctor," he teased, "This shit ain't that hard." He lifted his eyes to meet hers and they shared a smile before he leaned over her again, propping himself up by his good arm so he hovered above her. "I love you," he said. "I don't know when the last time was that I fuckin' said that."

"You don't have to say it." Alexandra smiled. "I know."

"I need to fuckin' say it doll." Negan place a hand on her cheek and traced under her eye with his thumb.

She looked into his big brown eyes adoringly. "You should kiss me again."

"Yes ma'am." Negan leaned down and the two of them shared another series of kisses before he gave a tug at the string of the scrub pants she was wearing. "Better get to the lower half while the water's still warm."

Alexandra smiled against his lips and they laughed as she leaned her forehead against his. "Be gentle."


	77. Not Today

Matt walked toward the main entrance of The Manor. The knots in his stomach almost twisted him into submission and forced him to turn around but he didn't. He knew he had to prove his worth as the community's founder and leader. The people needed him more than ever now that there was another leader of perhaps a stronger community knocking at their door.

Negan had told Matt all about Rick. He didn't hold back, even naming off his list of admirable qualities of Rick's leadership despite their crippling differences that left many people dead on both sides of their opposing camps. The truth was, Matt didn't know what Rick looked like, what Rick talked like or what Rick's true principles were, and that terrified him.

He swallowed hard, feeling his legs grow heavier with each step. For the sake of Christopher, above all others, he had to make this work; he had to make something work.

"Open it." Matt looked upward at Vince who aided in raising the main gate. He wasn't typically so short-answered and stern with his people but he knew he had to at least portray like he was fully comfortable handling himself in any given situation.

The door began to raise and Matt felt his heart rate climb, a natural heat forming in his cheeks as he witnessed a pair of boots first, highlighted by old jeans and eventually the man himself - Rick Grimes.

Matt scanned the audience - there were three of them. Rick was just as described by Negan, sporting a head of slicked back hair, a scruffy beard and a look that screamed 'I ain't scared of shit'. Then there was the teenager; Carl. He glared at Matt, his good eye narrowed and focused on him from beneath a cowboy-style hat. The woman on the opposite side of Rick he was sure was Michonne. In some ways she appeared more intimidating than the men, giving him a stare that could have cut him in half faster than the swipe of her Samurai sword.

"Hello," he greeted, attempting to appear friendly and stern at once.

Rick's eyes squinted and the tiniest smirk forced the corner of his mouth up on one side. "Hi." His voice was scratchy and his fingers tightened around the barrel of the gun he held in both hands.

"You wanted to meet." Matt held his hands out, "Here I am."

"N

"We want Negan," Carl said coldly, prompting Rick to slowly turn his head in his son's direction.

"Your people," Matt went on, "They've caused something of a mess for us here. First demanding our food; our belongings... and then the man with the shaggy blonde hair, Dwight, he shoots at our people including a new mother."

"None of our people were after your belongings," Rick assured him, almost laughing out loud at the thought.

"New mother?" Michonne asked, ignoring the first half of the equation.

"After Negan was shot," he shook his head, "His wife, the mother of his newborn child, she opened the gate to defend him and Dwight shot her in the abdomen."

"He's forcing her to be his wife," Michonne claimed.

Matt's eyebrows pressed together. "Alexandra? No... no they had been living contently as a family in one of our homes up until the other night."

"You don't know Negan," she pressed on.

He stared back and forth between Rick and Michonne before Rick went on.

"Look, we think he took her hostage. That's not his baby." He shook his head, "He disappeared from his cell and she was gone. The father is..." His voice drifted as he pictured Randy, and then slowly turned to look at Michonne. Matt took the momentary silence as an opportunity to butt in.

"He's told us what he's done to you," Matt continued, "What you've done to him."

"Negan is a tyrant," Michonne hissed, "He's a bad man."

"That's not his child," Carl finally spoke up.

"I think you've both got a warped sense of who these people are." Matt shook his head. "Alexandra... she loves Negan. That's their child."

"No it's-"

"Carl," Rick interrupted and then glanced at Michonne.

"What is it?" she asked him, shifting her eyes back and forth between Rick and Matt.

"She helped him," he claimed, "She helped him get out."

"You were feeding him dog food," Matt said, "That's not right."

"He brutally murdered our friends," Michonne shot back.

"Yeah after you murdered a whole building of his." He held a hand out to the side, "Right?"

Rick and Michonne exchanged a glance.

"They deserved it!" Carl shouted, "The Saviors were taking everyone's things... bullying people."

"So you killed them," Matt confirmed.

"We killed them in retaliation for things they had done to others."

"Look this is punch for punch." He shook his head, "I've never killed a human being in my life, and I pray the day never comes when I need to. The truth is in the here and now your man shot a new mother and father unprovoked and now neither of them may make it." Matt knew he was exaggerating based on the current conditions of Negan and Alexandra but at one point that _was_ the reality. "The child would be left with no parents." He shook his head, "I'm sorry but your back and forth battle from the past doesn't justify that... not to me... not to my people."

"He brainwashed you," Carl said, shaking his head in anger.

"Negan has done nothing but help this community. He protects the borders, he protects our people. His wife is a doctor."

"He'll twist things in this place and make them run his way," Rick explained.

"He's never challenged the way I run things. In fact he's fit in here just fine. He's good to that woman. He's not forcing her to do anything."

"He-" Michonne began but Matt put up a hand.

"Look you say I don't know Negan... but it appears as if you don't. You've butted heads in the past. You might have witnessed him do awful things... but if you poke the bear, he's bound to bite you."

"Fuck that!" Carl shouted, taking a step forward but Rick put an arm out to stop him and then glanced back at Matt.

"We're going to need him back," he said sternly.

"Or what?" Matt asked, "You'll ransack the place? You'll kill us?" He shook his head, "I have young children in there."

"We aren't killing anybody," Michonne explained.

"Except Negan," Carl finished.

"Carl..." Rick glared at him a moment and then resumed his conversation with Matt. "He's our prisoner, Matt. If we have to take him by force we will... but no one has to get hurt."

Matt stared back at him. "Negan is a part of this community... so if you try to take him by force people _will_ get hurt. He's been shot. He's hospitalized. You're not sticking him in a dark basement and chaining him the wall again."

Rick took a few slow steps toward him, kicking up gravel as he did and then looked into Matt's eyes. "There will come a day when you'll regret this decision... mark my words."

"Yeah we'll see about that." Matt stared back at him and then turned to walk back inside.

"Let's go," Rick said to Michonne and Carl.

"Let's go?" Carl glared at him.

"Yeah."

"Rick..." Michonne stared at him.

"Not today..." He sighed, "Not today."


	78. Midnight Daydreams

Negan wasn't sure where he was for a moment. His dreams combined with reality and he thought of The Sanctuary, the cell and The Manor all at once. For a moment he didn't open his eyes. He just felt the warm body up against him; the steady breathing of someone sleeping beside him.

He took in a deep breath but didn't move as his eyes finally flickered open. Alexandra laid up against him in the twin-sized bed that should have been uncomfortable with two people in it, but it wasn't. Negan was thankful she was alive and hadn't realized she had climbed into bed with him despite his arm being tucked neatly around her.

The middle of the night was always eerie for Negan given the circumstances. He had been so used to being in charge; having a radio on him at all times in case of an attack or emergency... that or he was out patrolling the grounds and had firsthand knowledge if there were any threats. Typically the silence and the midnight hours were anything but peaceful, but looking down at Alexandra beside him made him think otherwise. He allowed himself to relax; to feel what came naturally to him in that moment. He was happy, content and even the pain in his arm and chest couldn't distract him from that.

The image of Lucille popped into his mind, and he began to feel anxious by the thought that one day he might forget what she looked like - not her hair color or eye color, but the curve of her face, the way her eyes matched her smile and the smartass remarks she often through back at him with a grin and a wink when he was giving her a hard time. In a world full of walkers and people wanting him dead, Negan's biggest fear was losing the most intimate details of his late wife.

For his entire lifetime, Negan knew he didn't have a conscience like many. In fact at times he contemplated if he'd even had one at all. Despite the deep feelings he still held for Lucille, he had cheated on her with other women in the course of their marriage when things weren't going well. Worse, he had killed people left and right without question and the fact that he still held no problem doing that kind of thing scared him a bit. On the other hand, he suddenly felt guilty for thinking of Lucille while laying with the woman who showed him that he did have conscience; that he did have some faint version of a heart left. Alexandra was his savior.

Negan looked down at her and knew had she tried to come lay with him while he had still been awake that he would have denied her because of her injuries. He would have insisted she stay in her own bed and perhaps just fallen asleep in a chair half slumped over her at her bedside. For that, he was glad she waited until he was asleep to lay with him.

Reminiscent thoughts filtered through his mind. He remember the first time Alexandra had slept beside him in his room at The Sanctuary. A smile formed on his face as he remembered her reaction the next morning - all jumpy and panicky at the thought that someone might have the idea that they'd had some grand, intimate encounter. He remembered hearing her tell him for the first time that she always waited for him to fall asleep before she left the room at night because she didn't want him to be alone. That was the first time he'd had a true feeling in years.

Alexandra had broken down some deep internal part of Negan, and he felt a lump develop in the base of throat when he imagined her saying those words to him.

"I always wait until you fall asleep," she had told him. He distinctly remembered a line he'd used to get her to stay there with him shortly after when she went to leave his room, "I thought you only left after I feel asleep."

Negan had known then that something was different when it came to Alexandra after she said those words to him, and even more so when he more or less asked her to stay with him that night knowing it wouldn't lead to what he typically wanted from women at that time. Things hadn't changed in all that time. Negan knew that despite her extensive injuries Alexandra longed to take care of him. He knew she had waited until he fell asleep that night just like she had many times before. Watching her sleep at his side right then made him wish for a better life for them... for her.

Alexandra's arm hooked loosely around his midsection, her eyelashes curled up at him just slightly from beneath closed eyes and her bottom lip rested against the fabric of his shirt as she took each sleeping breath. Negan would have given himself as a prisoner to Rick and the others if it meant the safety of her and Lucy. He had contemplated the idea seriously but knew it would devastate Alexandra so he let the thought go. He saw in her eyes what it did to her the night he told her they couldn't be together.

"I'm sorry baby," Negan whispered. He ran his fingers gently through her hair as to not wake her. He couldn't take his eyes off her and went to pull the cover up over the two of them a little higher. His eyes landed on the area exposed on her side between the end of her sweatshirt and the beginning of her pants. The bottom of the stitches showed and he ran a hand across them. When Alexandra stirred just slightly he stopped and did what he intended and covered up the two of them.

"It's cold," she mumbled, half asleep and then shifted just slightly against him.

Negan pulled her closer to him and made sure the blanket was snugly against her body. He leaned his head on top of hers and thought back to how much she had changed him; truly changed him. His priority wasn't himself anymore. It hadn't been since she had come into his life. Children had never been a real interest of his, and in fleeting thoughts throughout his life it had crossed his mind about what it would be like having a son. Lucy, however, was far greater of a prize than he could have ever imagined. She was a perfect little part of both of them that went far beyond the legacy he was hoping for.

Alexandra sat up abruptly and Negan widened his eyes. "I'm on your bad arm," she said frantically.

"No you're not." He shook his head and lifted the arm she had been sleeping on to touch her face. "Lay back down honey."

"Are you okay?" Her eyes shifted, looking up and now, left to right.

"I'm fine." Negan smiled at her and cleared his throat. "You waited for me to fall asleep?"

Alexandra put a hand over his patched up shoulder and then looked back at him with tired eyes. When he stroked the side of her face she curled her fingers around his and brought his knuckles to her lips.

"Go back to bed Alexandra." Negan half-smiled at her.

"Was I hurting you laying this way?"

"No."

She sighed and then leaned down and touched her lips to his and then slumped down, leaning her head against his chest.

Negan pulled the covers back up as she let out a shiver. Within just a few minutes she was laying as she had been a few minutes earlier with her arm around him, eyes closed and breathing steady. He was left, again, with his thoughts and daydreamed about where they came from and where they were now until he finally drifted back to sleep.


	79. Cigarettes

**Happy Walking Dead Sunday! :) Thank for reading!**

"Negan..." Alexandra cleared her throat and sat up in bed, wiping the corners of her eyes with her fingers.

In the doorway Negan stood with his back to her shirtless, wearing sweatpants and with a head full of hair that was pillow-tossed in all directions. He leaned his good arm on the wooden frame of the open door and turned to look at her in the break of the conversation he was having.

"Go back to sleep honey," he said in a soft, scratchy voice.

"Do you have Lucy?"

"She's sleeping."

"What are you doing?"

Negan held up a finger and crossed back into the room, leaning over Alexandra. He put a hand on her face. "I'm just talking with Matt about something."

"In the middle of the night?" she asked. "Something's wrong..."

He winked and leaned down, pressing his lips against hers. "We'll talk in the morning okay?"

Alexandra sighed. "Don't leave this building Negan."

He looked her in the eye. "I won't."

"Promise me," she whispered but held a firm tone.

"I promise." Negan left his hand on the side of her face and kissed her forehead before heading back out into the hallway.

Matt wandered away from the room where Alexandra was attempting to sleep so the two of them could talk further. "He's going to come back," he explained, "The three of them seemed sure that Alexandra was being forced to be your wife... I told them no way."

"Does she look fuckin' forced?" Negan's eyebrows pressed together and he motioned back toward the open door.

"No." Matt shook his head adamantly, "No... I know she's not. That's how I know they're full of shit."

"You need to radio to me if this shit happens again," Negan told him, "They killed a whole base full of men in their fuckin' sleep... that's how the whole 'war' between our groups fuckin' started. Their group must've killed a dozen or more men who were sleeping at the time... never fuckin' met any of 'em before."

"Shit..." Worry filtered into Matt's features, "I thought you said Rick was reasonable. Will they do that to us? Will they do that here?"

"We need to fuckin' communicate," Negan said, "I've thought of fuckin' leaving."

"You can't." Matt shook his head, "Where will you go? And Lucy... Alex..."

"They're the only reason I won't go." He took in a deep breath, "Fuck... I tried to get Alexandra to leave me. I ended it at one point and it destroyed her... killed me."

"Why?"

"I had a lot of shit on my plate. Rick and them were gunning for me like they are now and I didn't want to drag Alexandra into all that shit."

"Did you have Lucy at the time?"

Negan shook his head and spotted a pack of cigarettes in Matt's pocket and motioned for him to give one. "No."

Matt removed the cigarettes and then held up a lighter.

"Outside." He waved Matt down the hall and glanced into the room where Alexandra still laid away. "I'm just stepping out for a smoke."

Alexandra gave him a look, but then agreed with a nod and rolled onto her side so her back was to them.

Once outside, Negan lit up the cigarette, prompting Matt to do the same.

"You can't leave," Matt repeated, "My wife... me... a lot of us feel safer with you here. You've done some things here that made a lot of people raise their eyebrows... but I think everyone is relieved that someone has the balls to do it." He swallowed hard, took a drag and then let out a puff of smoke. "I fuckin' don't."

Negan looked at Matt noting their vast differences but for the first time he didn't have the internal urge to smack him for admitting to his lack of ability to lay the hammer when he needed to. He felt just the smallest bout of empathy for his situation. "Look... you're fuckin' lucky you can't do that shit." He placed the cigarettes between his lips, perching it between his first two fingers and then chased Matt's puff of smoke with his own. "Fuck... you think I like doing that shit? Or like that I'm capable of doing that shit and then laying down next to my wife and going to sleep like nothing fuckin' happened?"

"It's better than not being able to do it at all."

Negan shook his head. "Nah..." He leaned against the brick wall next to the door. "If it came down to it... if your family was at stake... you'd fuckin' do it. But it's the only time you'd be able to fuckin' do it and you know what... that makes you a fuckin' human being."

"So what's that make you?"

Negan glanced at him and took another drag from the cigarette. "Not one."

"No." Matt shook his head, "No... you make it so people like me who are scared to do it don't have to. You're a soldier."

"Well... you might feel fuckin' different if you were with Rick Grimes and his crew."

"Maybe I would. Maybe I'd see things from their point of view of Rick was in charge and I didn't know all the details. But I'm not. You're one of us. You're the good guy. You're our protector." He huffed a laugh, "You know... I got into a fight with my wife and in the heat of the moment she told me she wished I had more of a backbone like you."

Negan let out a loud laugh and shook his head. "Tell your wife be careful what she fuckin' wishes for. The shit I've put Alexandra through..." he shook his head, "Fuck, she don't deserve it."

"Like what?"

"Beating people with fuckin' baseball bats when I shouldn't be leaving a hospital bed... having people hunting me down trying to kill me... being so fuckin' stubborn that I really don't know how the fuck she puts up with my shit in the first place." Negan shook his head, "Fuck, I've been taking risks and doing shit to get me in trouble my whole damn life." He looked at the cigarette, "This is fuckin' hitting the spot."

"Yeah." The two of them stood, each smoking in silence for a few minutes before Matt finally looked back to Negan. "I'm going to do whatever I have to, to defend this place. This is our home. When Rick comes back-"

"Radio to me when Rick comes back. I'll have a talk with him."

"What if he tries to capture you? Bring you back?"

A noise from around the corner of the building made the two of them look and stand attention. When someone ducked behind the wall Matt pulled out his gun but Negan put a hand on his forearm and shook his head.

"I got this."

"But-"

"I know who that is." Negan walked to the corner of the building and rounded it, coming face to face with Sarah. "What the fuck are you doing?" he asked her.

She sighed. "I'm getting sloppy."

"Very." Negan stared down at her and neither of them said anything.

"What?" she asked.

"I asked you what the fuck you were doing."

"Oh, you wanted an actual answer to that?"

Negan opened his mouth to speak but then let a grin spread across his face and he laughed. "You sure you're not my biological kid?"

Sarah shrugged. "I mean... you were kind of a man whore at one point."

He laughed out loud and shook his head. "Shit kid... you have about as much of a filter as I do."

"Rick's coming for you..." she sighed and looked at him with a serious expression. "I could take him out."

"Take him out?" He narrowed his eyes, still sporting a grin.

"Yeah take him out. He'd never expect it... maybe take Carl out too while I'm at it. You should see how accurate I am with a gun now."

"Cut that shit out, will ya?" Negan motioned for her to pass him and the two of them rejoined Matt by the front of the medical building. "Go in and keep Alexandra company."

"Isn't she asleep? It's three in the morning."

"I would've fuckin' assumed you were asleep too."

"Don't assume... it makes an-"

"Ass out of you and me," Negan finished, "I know the fuckin' saying, now hit the fuckin' bricks and get the hell inside."

"Can I have a puff of that thing?" she motioned to the cigarette in his hand.

"Fuck no," he went on, "Get in there and go to sleep."

Sarah looked at Matt for a moment and then did as he asked and slunk into the building.

"She doesn't listen to anyone else," Matt explained. "If I asked her to go inside..." He shook his head.

"She's a tough little shit."

"Yeah." He laughed and looked back at Negan. "So..."

"So next time Rick fuckin' arrives at those gates radio in to me."

Matt looked his bare bandaged shoulder. "Even..."

Negan glanced down at his wound. "Yeah even with my arm half hanging off."

"What about Alexandra? She doesn't want you leaving the hospital room."

He took a long drag from the cigarette and then looked at Matt with a grin. "Sterling example of why it's not easy being married to a guy like me."


	80. Mind Games

"We're confronting him Rick!" Michonne hissed as the truck they rode in with Carl came to a halt at the gates of their home.

"We're not," he insisted, having gone back and forth with both Michonne and Carl about confronting Randy on his part in the smoke screen that had been set to free Negan. "We don't even know that he knows."

"He knows," Carl said with certainty from the back. He leaned forward, a hand on each of the front seats where Rick and Michonne sat on opposing sides of the argument.

"Even if he does..." Rick shook his head, "That's nothing. That's small potatoes in the grand scheme of all this."

"Is it?" Michonne's eyes burned into his.

"I've got an idea," he stared back just as hard with utter certainty. "You've heard of the old saying divide and conquer."

"Matt's not going to budge Dad," Carl insisted, shaking his head. "Negan has him convinced-"

"I'm not talking about Matt, Carl."

"The woman... Alexandra," Michonne finished.

"That's right." Rick nodded.

"Look, I say we do what Negan did to us with Daryl. We threaten to cut off a piece of Randy unless Negan surrenders," Carl suggested.

"No." His father shook his head and looked in the rearview mirror to make eye contact with him. "No for several reasons. One... Negan won't give a shit about what we do to Randy."

"The girl might."

Rick shook his head, "If she's there with him willingly she'll back him... even if they were friends." He paused and sighed then looked back more directly at his son, "And reason number two... we're not going to start hacking that guy up in order to get what we want."

"Why not?" Carl rose his voice, prompting Michonne to whip her head around to face him.

"Because that's not who we are," she said sternly, "It will never be who we are."

Carl looked back at her, and then shifted his eyes to Rick momentarily before slumping back into the seat with his arms folded across his chest. "So what then?"

Rick looked to Michonne. "We still have the video camera?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why?"

"Like I said... I've got an idea."

 _ **One Week Later**_

"He's here," Matt explained to Negan, who stood on the front steps outside of the house he shared with Alexandra. His eyes shifted to the picture window that had been covered by curtains since the sun had set. He lowered his voice. "What did you tell her?"

"That you and I are going to talk and have a drink." Negan grinned.

Matt nodded, not able to find any humor in the situation the way Negan did. "Gotcha."

He smacked him on the back. "Lighten up, will ya?"

The two of them took the set of stairs down to the yard and made the trip toward the front entrance of The Manor. The walk over was stiff and silent. Matt had his hands in his pockets and Negan tried to downplay the lingering effects of his injury to the best of his ability in a steady march to the gates, baseball bat in hand with the remnants of Dwight still clinging to the wood.

"You do the talking," Matt finally said as the oversized gate came into view.

"I never fuckin' mind that." Negan motioned with his hand to raise it and then stood tall as the door began to raise. "You don't have to fuckin' stay Matt. This is between Rick and me."

With each click and grind off the rusty, metal chains the tension built. No one spoke. Negan felt like an electric current was filtering through his body as the boundary between him and Rick Grimes vanished. There was no denying Rick felt it too. His fists were balled; eyes honed in on Negan like a hawk and it looked as if he was about to pounce at any second.

"My old friend." Negan grinned, "Shit... it's been too fuckin' long!" He let out a howl of a laugh and then extended an arm for handshake.

Rick stared back at him and decided to go right to the heart of his plan. "You have something."

He cocked his head to the side, still sporting a smile. "You're going to have to fuckin' elaborate."

"You have something," Rick repeated, "Something I didn't know existed a short time ago." He nodded matter-of-factly.

"Is that right?" Negan challenged him with his eyes and took a step forward.

"Alexandra," he went on, "The woman you love." Rick cracked a half smile, "Something like that can be an Achilles heel to a man like you."

Negan felt a filtering urge to lash out, to raise the bat and crack it down over the top of Rick's head... but he didn't. He assumed there were others nearby waiting for him to do something like that.

"You know it," Rick continued, "You know it... and I know it."

"What is it you think you know Rick?" Negan grinned again, still fighting the urge to act out for bringing Alexandra into their troubles against one another.

"I know that when you have someone you love it can be used against you... the way you used Carl against me. Remember that?"

Negan sneered, and then looked directly at him and smiled wider. He squinted his eyes. "Do I look like a guy who falls in love easy? I mean if you were talkin' about..." he raised the bat in his hand, "...Lucille, then sure I'd say you'd have some fuckin' leverage there." He laughed.

"So Alexandra... you're going to tell me she means nothing to you? Me bringing her up in context like this doesn't raise your blood pressure just a little bit?" He challenged.

Negan hesitated, knowing what he was about to say was as big of a lie as when he told it to Alexandra herself. "Fuck Rick..." he laughed again, "You're acting like the two of us have never met. I mean I know it's been a _long_ fuckin' while since we've talked but shit... you think I give a shit what you say about her? You think I didn't sweet talk her the way I did women all my life. I knocked her up and guess the fuck what? She was the last one I was stuck with before The Sanctuary got blown to bits by you and your fuckin' little posse of outcasts."

"Is that right?" Rick stepped forward and put his hands on his hips, narrowing his eyebrows.

"Fuck." Negan cocked back and laughed again. "A piece of ass is a piece of ass. It doesn't fuckin' matter who the person is. Alexandra's a loyal woman and it's worked to my fuckin' advantage, has it not? She risked her own safety to set me fuckin' free." He chuckled, "Shit... I at least thought I would get a son out of the deal. I have to say the one perk to the thing is that the baby has a cool fuckin' name." Negan raised the bat and let his eyebrows rise and fall. "Shit you didn't really think I was capable of loving someone did you?" He studied Rick's expression, "Oh you did... that's fuckin' cute."

"So you're telling me that that woman in there... she doesn't mean shit to you?"

Negan ran his tongue across his teeth and continued holding the false grin. He looked Rick in the eye. "About as much as fuckin' Sherry did. Fuck, if she was the one who got pregnant and was as infatuated with me as this she'd be the one behind these walls taking fuckin' bullets for me."

"So that's a no?"

"That's a fuck no Rick." Negan laughed. "Shit, you could bring her back with you right now and I wouldn't lose fuckin' sleep over it. I don't think she'd go willingly though. She's pretty fuckin' attached to me." He smirked.

"Well... it's not my style to go after someone's family for the sins of the father," Rick informed him.

"Family?"

"She _is_ your family now isn't she?"

"She's my alliance... and someone I get to fuck whenever I want. Are we fuckin' done here with this shit or what?" Negan felt his willpower slipping just slightly. He hoped Jack up in the watchtower couldn't hear his rant word for word and prayed that Matt had walked away like he had suggested. Everything he was saying to Rick was a load of bullshit, and he hoped Rick wouldn't see through it. Personally, he felt he was pretty convincing. Lying had been something he was good at his whole life. He just hoped the message wouldn't be relayed back to Alexandra as the truth when he was only lying to protect her.

"Yeah... yeah we're done with this shit," Rick agreed.

"Now, what is it you wanted to really come talk to me about? Your bullshit security system? The fact that I managed to get the fuck out of that cell and over the walls without you so much as hearing a fuckin' fraction of it? Shit... I honestly thought you had stepped up your game but it seems like it's the same old Rick fuckin' Grimes from when I first met you."

Rick glared back at him, but stood down noting that his plan was put into action and effective as he suspected. "I'll stand down Negan. But I think we owe each other a long talk some night over a... stiff drink." He tipped his mouth up in a smirk and turned around leaving Negan scratching his head.

He stood as Rick hopped into a car by himself. There were no others in sight and Negan stood by the gates watching him go until the car disappeared in the distance. He waited patiently, scanning the woods for others and long thereafter he waited around with Jack for some signs that Rick hadn't been alone. When nothing more happened and Rick's trail was long gone Negan helped close the gates and walked back inside feeling like there was something that had gone over his head, but even he couldn't guess what that was.


	81. Surveillance

Alexandra walked from the house to the medical building carrying Lucy with her and Sarah dragging her feet behind her.

"I don't think it's a big deal if I go down to the garden," she protested. "Just for a few hours. I want to contribute."

"Negan said you were sneaking around again the other night." Alexandra turned and looked at her, a small smile on her face.

"Yeah..." she sighed when Alexandra gave her a look, "I mean, at least I'm honest right?"

"After you get caught."

"But honest all the same." Sarah raised her eyebrows and then glanced off toward the left. In the distance Alexandra saw the boy she had taken a liking too staring in their direction as if he, too, was waiting for an answer.

"One condition." Alexandra narrowed her eyes.

"What? Anything."

"You don't leave the garden unless you're coming to the medical building or to the house. Got it?"

"Got it." Sarah took off running before Alexandra could get in another word or change her mind.

Nancy opened the front door and gave a small wave and a smile. "You seem to be doing much better."

"I feel much better," she confirmed with a smile and a nod. "I can actually feed my own daughter again." Alexandra looked down at Lucy and Nancy held out her arms.

"I've gotten attached over these last few weeks," the old woman admitted. "Do you mind if I hold her?"

Alexandra smiled wide and handed Lucy over to Nancy. "Of course. It's the least I can do for all you've done for me... for all of us." She sighed and headed inside. "I don't think the wound is infected, but I should practice what I preach and continue on these antibiotics for another week or so."

"That would be a good idea." Nancy bobbed Lucy up and down, smiling at the small child and making her smile back.

"Gosh, when I'm better I want to start helping you all out down here. I miss this."

"Being a doctor?"

"Yes." Alexandra opened a drawer and reached for the medication she had been taking. "I guess it'll only be so long before all of this stuff vanishes from the face of the earth."

"Well... hopefully someone somewhere is helping to rebuild in that area... some scientist or something." Nancy shrugged. She took an extra long look at Alexandra as she sat down in a chair.

"What?" she asked, looking down at her side first to make sure she wasn't bleeding through her shirt and then back up to meet Nancy's eyes. "Is something wrong?" When there was no response Alexandra stood up. "What Nancy?"

"Something... came for you"

"Came for me? What do you mean?"

Nancy sighed. "I was told to wait... but I just can't." She held up a finger, exited the room and returned several seconds later with a shoe box tied with a string. On top of it read ALEX in bold black lettering written in Sharpie.

"What's that?" Alexandra reached her hands out and took the box, shaking it gently and keeping an ear to the box. "I don't understand." She shook her head.

"I'm not sure what it is," Nancy confessed.

Alexandra felt her heart rate climb and a heat form in her cheeks. "This... this isn't like someone's hand or something is it?"

"I would sure hope not."

She shook the box gently again and then decided to stop being a coward and open it. Nancy closed the gap between them and arched her neck as Alexandra untied the string and lifted the orange cover. Her eyes squinted and she reached in and removed a small handheld camcorder. "I'm lost." She looked up at Nancy who said nothing but shrugged.

The camera wrapped snuggly around her hand, and Alexandra hesitated a moment before placing the box down on a counter and then opened it. She slid her thumb across a tiny red button and a blue screen popped up. Her eyes scanned the device for a button that read 'Play' and when she found it an image of a man she knew from The Hilltop popped up.

"Eugene here." His voice was monotone, flat and would have been comical had the video been random. It was anything but. Without further explanation the camera was turned to a dark setting that was almost unrecognizable at first until Alexandra's brain caught up and she realized the view was from the woods outside the front gate. A man stood with his back to the camera and then the gate lifted and Negan walked toward him. "Oh my God..." Alexandra's mouth dropped open and she looked to Nancy. "When was this? Wh..." She shook her head and Nancy did the same, not knowing anything about the meeting that was taking place on the camera.

"My old friend," Negan's voice boomed, "Shit... it's been too fuckin' long."

As much as Nancy wanted to stand over Alexandra's shoulder she stepped away. "I'll..." She pointed toward the other room and Alexandra refocused on the tape. She swallowed hard listening to Negan's words and felt the same pain rise in her chest as when he let her down himself. Flashbacks from that night came crashing down on her, as did memories of him walking with his arm around Sherry and a pissed of Dwight purposely trying to get under her skin.

 _He doesn't mean any of this_ , Alexandra knew but she couldn't turn it off as the conversation ensued.

"You think I give a shit what you say about her?" Negan went on. She could tell he was smirking despite the dark nature of the video, "She was the one I was stuck with before The Sanctuary was blown to bits."

The words stung her a bit, but she was sure he was attempting to get Rick off of his paper trail. She alternated between honing in on the things he was saying and the things he told her back at The Sanctuary.

"I'm going to talk shit," he would tell her, "Don't take it personally... Dwight's just trying to get under your skin..." Now, Alexandra heard him again, "A piece of ass is a piece of ass... at least I thought I would get a son out of the deal... shit, you didn't really think I was capable of loving someone did you?... she means as much as Sherry did... she's pretty fuckin' attached to me..."

Alexandra would rise above it all, but hearing the words come out of his mouth were like a slap in the face. She was sensible enough, however, to know how Negan felt about her. They were words... words to the enemy... words that she hoped were only thrown around so carelessly to keep her safe.

 _That's what he was doing_ , she reminded herself. _I pretended I was with Randy in order to rescue Negan from the cell._

When the tape came to a close and there was nothing but a blue screen left, Alexandra stood alone in the room with her thoughts. There were a series of big questions that popped into her head that rose above the rest: When was this? Where was I? How come Negan met with Rick and I knew nothing about it?

Alexandra bit down on her bottom lip and shook her head furiously before locating a handheld radio in the corner of the room. She squeezed it hard and closed her eyes before speaking into it. "Negan." His name was all she could manage to say.

"Go ahead," he replied.

"Negan, it's Alexandra."

"What the fuck's up honey?" His voice was happy; upbeat.

"I need to see you at the medical building."

"Give me a minute or two."

"No... now."


	82. Stay Alive

Nancy eyed Alexandra as she exited the room with a clenched jaw and a red face. "What happened dear? What was on the tape?"

"He met with Rick." She shook her head. "I told him not to lie to me about that. I told him not to put himself in harms way when he's already hurt. He was shot for Christ's sake and he doesn't understand that if that doesn't heal properly it could be a... a death sentence." Alexandra felt herself getting angrier by the second.

"Try to calm down," Nancy urged. She glanced over Alexandra's shoulder out the window. "Go out there. He's coming now. I'll look after Lucy for a few minutes."

Alexandra turned and saw Negan walking toward the building twirling his bat as went. She pushed open the main door with the camcorder in hand and saw the grin leave his face as he took in her body language.

"What's wrong?" he asked as he approached her.

"Do you find it easy to lie to me?"

He pressed his eyebrows together and looked at her. "What the fuck do I lie to you about?"

"I asked you a question." Alexandra stared into his eyes intently, not allowing him to look away. When he didn't respond she put a hand out to the side and held up the video recorder with the other. "Yes or no Negan?"

"What the fuck do you want me to say?" His eyes shifted to the device in her hand. "What the fuck is that?"

Alexandra opened the screen, hit the rewind button quick and then pressed play. When the video popped up it was partway through the conversation Negan had had with Rick outside the gates.

"Fuck Alexandra," he raised his voice and pointed to the tiny screen. "I told you a long fuckin' time ago that I have to talk some shit-"

"That's not what I'm fucking talking about!" she shouted back, prompting him to look around. "You lied to me! You said you were going to have a drink with Matt."

"Can we not do this right fuckin' here? Shit..." Negan scanned the area for people.

"Oh, what? Your image... yes I know that's the most important thing to you."

"My image... fuck... no I just don't want every person in this fucking town to hear you give me shit."

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you lied to me," she went on.

Negan gritted his teeth, "I didn't fucking..." He shook his head. "You know I didn't meant that shit I said."

"What didn't you hear?" Alexandra went on. She slammed the screen shut. "I don't care what you said. I care that you didn't tell me you were meeting with Rick. What if he decided to go rogue and just pulled a gun and shot you dead?"

"He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?"

"I just fuckin' know!" Negan shouted back.

Alexandra shook her head and looked away and then let out a disgusted laugh. "Well now that you have me... and Lucy... I just don't doesn't fucking cut it." She shook her head and spoke more calmly, "And you just... you lied to me so easily."

"I was lying to protect you."

"No... you were lying because you know I would have given you a hard time and told you to do what you should have done and _not_ met with Rick. Not when you're injured that badly."

"It's fucking fine."

"No... not it's not fine Negan. To you it's fine, to me it's a healing gunshot wound that you reopened when you killed Dwight." She motioned to the bat. "You're so fucking selfish."

"Selfish! Selfish?" He continued to get louder, "Fuck... I've thought of fucking leaving this place and taking my chances out there on the road to fuckin' protect you and the baby. And then I think to myself, fuck no that'll leave Alexandra all fuckin' sad and shit... and I'm fucking selfish?"

"You told me at the Sanctuary that your business would become my business if we were together!" She yelled back. "Remember that? Remember how you told me every little sometimes awful details about your life because you thought I should know the truth?" Alexandra paused to take a breath. "Well, what the hell happened to that?"

He stood with a hand on his hip and the other still gripping the bat. Alexandra reached down, removing it from his loose grip and then dropped the video camera to the ground. She proceeded to raise the bat high above her head and then smashed the camera, sending shards of plastic in all directions.

Negan watched her for a moment, allowing her the outlet she needed as she continued to take swings smashing the camera until it was unrecognizable and in a million little pieces on the pavement. She took a few deep breaths as she decompressed for a moment.

Neither of them spoke for several seconds and then Negan glanced down where blood began to seep through her shirt. He took a step in her direction, making eye contact with her briefly before reaching for the bottom of her shirt. Alexandra went to stop him but Negan looked at her more directly. "You're bleeding," he told her.

She sighed and swallowed hard when he ran a hand across the stitches in her side.

"Come on." Negan held his other hand out and waited intently until Alexandra took it, linking her fingers with his as he towed her back toward the medical building. As they walked inside Nancy stepped away from the window she had been looking out of and gave a motherly stare across the room at Negan. "She, uh... the fuckin' stitches..."

"I've got it," Nancy told him, handing Lucy over and guiding Alexandra into the room where she had stayed many nights as she had been heeling. Negan followed, standing beside the bed with Lucy as he watched Nancy go to work to patch the wound back up. The entire time Alexandra looked away from him as he took disappointed glances from the elder doctor. "You can't be doing these things Alexandra," she spoke, "You know this. You're a doctor."

Alexandra wiped a frustrated tear away from her eye. She felt like a kid being scolded on the playground. "I know."

"I know you know... so that's all I'll say about it." Nancy grabbed some antibacterial cream and drew it across the wound before securing a bandage. She then stood up and looked at Negan for a long moment before seeing herself out.

"Thank you Nancy!" Alexandra called after her, and then reluctantly looked at him.

Negan paused a moment and then sat down on the edge of the bed. "You're right," he told her. "You're right I did tell you that back at The Sanctuary."

"I know I'm right." She took a deep breath and shook her head. "Why do you have to lie to me? When was there ever a time that you didn't do exactly what you fucking wanted to, despite me being happy or mad about it?"

"I told you I want to protect you."

"Not by lying to me... you're not protecting me by doing that. You're doing the same act that you would have done without telling me."

Negan stared at her and a grin spread across his face. When hers hardened even more he straightened up. "I'm sorry. I fucked up."

"Yeah... you did."

"So all this... you're mad because I fuckin' met with Rick right? Not because of the bullshit I told him..."

"You _really_ are a smart man," Alexandra said with heavy sarcasm. She still held a scowl and shook her head.

Negan looked at Lucy for a moment. "You know... I would never want a son now." He huffed a laugh, "This is the best fuckin' thing I've ever done... and if she ends up half as tough as Sarah, shit..."

She smiled for his momentary admiration for Lucy and ran her hand over the dark hair that was beginning to filter in on top of her fragile head. When she looked back at Negan she forced him to keep his eyes on her. "Please... please don't lie to me. That is the only thing I want out of this."

"The _only_ thing?" Negan grinned.

"Well maybe not the only thing..." Alexandra smiled back, "...but it's the most important thing."

"I'm sorry," he said again. "You're right. Shit... I didn't mean any of that shit I said."

"I know."

"I fuckin' hope so. I must've sounded like a fuckin'-"

"Dick," Alexandra finished, raising her eyebrows at him.

Negan cracked a wide smile and then laughed, "Yeah..." He reached a hand up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She nodded, "But shit is going to really hit the fan if you lie to me again. I'm not just one of the wives that you once had."

He made a face and then focused on her side, placing a hand gently over the bandages. "You can't yell at me anymore about bashing Dwight's fuckin' brains in while I was still hurt... fuck, you really did a number on that camcorder."

Alexandra sighed. "That felt fucking great," she said softly.

"Well... now you know why it's my weapon of fuckin' choice." He tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smile. They stared at each other again for a minute and then Negan leaned in slowly before giving her a long kiss. "I, uh..." he chuckled, "I went in slow for that one because I was afraid you might've fuckin punched me."

Alexandra laughed lightly and ran a hand through his hair. "Next time I might."

"For the record..." Negan kept his face close to hers and looked her in the eye, "Rick and the rest of those fucks would have to step over my dead fuckin' body to get to you. I love you... you're not just some-"

"Piece of ass," she finished, raising her eyebrows with a smile.

"I hated fuckin' saying that shit." He sighed and pushed his hair back.

"It's okay." Alexandra assured him.

Negan shook his head and then kissed her again. "I'll make it up to you," he whispered.

"All I want you to do for me is stay alive."

"Okay," he said simply despite having a thousand scenarios running through his mind. He kissed her again with a more playful aggression until Alexandra laughed, "But I'm going to make it up to you anyway."

She allowed him to kiss her again and she giggled against his lips. "Alright."

Negan kissed her again. "You're so fuckin' sexy when you get mad."


	83. One Word

Alexandra laid in bed staring across the room at the small crib. She listened to the sound of the water turn off from the bathroom and sighed.

The silence always gave Alexandra time to think, but she also had to appreciate it - the down time. She was back in the comfort of their new home and for the time being everyone was healing and alright.

Negan opened the bedroom door leaving faint, damp footprints as he crossed over the hardwood floors with a head of wet hair and sporting a pale blue towel around his waist.

"Your shoulder looks better," Alexandra told him. She toyed with a frayed part of the comforter.

Negan looked down at his stitched up arm. "Gettin' there," he grinned, "We're a pretty banged up pair."

"To say the least." She yawned and rolled onto her side and closed her eyes.

Negan walked past Lucy's crib, glanced in and then clicked off the light switch.

"It's good to be fuckin' back home," he said with a sigh, tossing his towel away before sliding under the covers.

"The Sanctuary was home," Alexandra said.

Negan took a deep breath and then turned to her. "This is home now."

"Yeah..."

"What, you don't fuckin' like it here?"

"I do. It's safe...ish." Alexandra opened her eyes, "Sometimes I just miss it. This might not be the same for you, its sentimental but it's where I fell in love with you. I miss our old room. I miss the medical building."

"What about the pool hall?" Negan asked her, chuckling just after.

"I only went there once..." Her voice trailed off and she smiled as she remembered their game of pool and everything that happened there just after between the two of them.

"Yeah..." He turned his head toward her again with a smile, "...I know."

Alexandra slid her hand over his under the covers and linked their fingers. "I don't want to talk about our argument this afternoon... but I'm going to ask you for one more promise that I hope you'll keep."

"Yeah? And what the fuck might that be?"

"Don't ever leave us. You said earlier that you even thought of leaving to protect us... don't. I can't think of a better person to be the protector of Lucy and me. We would be unprotected in this world without you. We-"

"Okay." Negan cut her off and chuckled, "Fuck, you made your fuckin' case."

"Would it bother you to be apart from us?"

"Why do you ask me shit like that? Of course it would." He paused and leaned up on his elbow to stare down at her, "I'll admit I was wrong about meeting with Rick and leaving you in the fuckin' dark about it... but other than that, I think of you during every fucking decision I make... what do I have to do to convince you that I love you Alexandra?"

She looked up at him, resting her head against her hand on the pillow. "I know you do."

Negan didn't break eye contact. "Do you?"

"Yes." Alexandra nodded. "You carried me back inside when I was unconscious after you were shot. You stayed every night with me there."

"So why do you have to fuckin' ask?" His voice was soft; genuine.

Alexandra shrugged. "Maybe I'm selfish or stupid... but I could never leave you for any reason."

"Even if it meant saving my life?"

She paused and then made a face. "That's not really fair."

"Well, that's the only fuckin' reason I'd consider it. I look at every fuckin' scenario that could fuckin' happen and I think about it... and then I think about it some more... and some more... and then I come up with a game plan and make my decision."

"Can I make this one for you?" Alexandra asked him. "Just this one?"

Negan held her gaze and then finally nodded.

"Don't ever leave," she said.

"Okay."

Alexandra sighed. "Okay."

Negan slunk down further beneath the covers and pulled her body against his. "How's your fuckin' side slugger?"

She laughed. "It's okay." He slid a hand over the wound and Alexandra shuddered with another light laugh. "Your hands are cold."

"Keep daddy warm." Negan smiled and then kissed her.

"Maybe if you had clothes on..."

He laughed against her lips. "I'll fuckin' put 'em on if you want."

Alexandra shook her head and kissed him harder.

Negan dropped one hand to her hip and pushed up her shirt with the other as their heated makeout session continued. When Alexandra's shirt was tossed to the ground he trailed kisses down her chest to her stomach, paying attention to her stitched up side.

He looked up at her as she looked down at him.

"Permanent scars," Alexandra said with a sigh. She lightly tangled her fingers in his hair as he gently trailed his lips across the area before working his way back up.

Negan hovered above her, breathing a little heavier and smiled as his lips grazed hers when spoke. "Got 'em fuckin' protecting your man."

Alexandra wrapped her arms around him when he pursued her more aggressively. "I would do it again," she assured him, barely able to get the sentence out as he crashed his lips back against hers.

Negan moaned into her mouth with his eyes pressed shut. "I know." He took another breath. "You're a fuckin' badass chick. That's why I love you."

Alexandra dug her fingers into his back and he winced with a chuckle and stopped kissing her.

"Sorry." She grinned when he continued to and then he raised his eyebrows and stared down at her.

"Exit wound," Negan reminded her.

"Right." Alexandra slid her hands lower down his back and then adjusted so the inside of her thighs were on the outside of his. "Is that better?"

He brought his lips to her ear and bit down gently on her earlobe, "Much..." Negan ignored the pain in his shoulder and began to ravage her neck as he guided her legs to wrap around his waist.

Alexandra moaned into his ear causing him to grab her face and kiss her again, responding back with a moan of his own.

"Is your side alright?" he breathed the words out.

She nodded and swallowed hard, urging him back to her. "Yes."

Negan's mouth hung open and he called out her name when Alexandra's hand clutched onto the back of his head. "Fuck..." He kissed her hard again and the two of them carried on until Negan laid panting on top of her.

"We need to do this more often," Alexandra told him with sigh. She held onto him tightly in the darkness, careful not to press too hard near his injured arm.

"I can fuckin' agree to that." Negan didn't move. For several minutes he remained on top of her with his eyes closed until they heard Lucy stirring in the crib. "Your turn?" he asked.

Before Alexandra could answer they both heard their daughter attempting to communicate in her usual baby language. Negan finally turned to look over his shoulder and was surprised to see Lucy standing upright with wobbly legs and her hands on the crib. "Da!" she pointed.

"What did she just say?" Alexandra pushed him by the chest, urging him to the side. "Lucy!"

Negan let out a loud laugh. "No fuckin' shit."

"Da!" she pointed at Negan again, this time with a dimple-infused smile.

Alexandra laughed and put her hands over her mouth and then looked at Negan. "She's... she said Dad." She shook her head in disbelief.

Negan laid flat on his back and chuckled again. He turned to Alexandra, "And here I was afraid her first word would be fuck. Thank God." He rose a hand to the sky and laughed again.

Alexandra continued to look at Lucy with a beaming smile. "Well Dad... it looks like _you're_ up."


	84. Reckless

Since they had arrived at The Manor, Alexandra hadn't left the confines of the place. She knew she had no reason to, typically, despite their group going on the occasional run to gather up supplies. When several members of the community discovered a small collection of apple trees nearby she decided to go on the little adventure with them to contribute.

Negan didn't like the idea, and went with and the others on more than one occasion to gather up fruit. When Alexandra offered to go on further supply runs Negan squashed the idea.

"You don't need to do that," he assured her.

Alexandra knew why he was putting his foot down. It was the same reason she attempted to keep him inside the walls. Still, she was starting to see things from his point of view to an extent, noting that always playing it extra safe wouldn't get them anywhere - and she felt that tiny voice in the back of her head nagging for just a little change of scenery. Taking a walk one-hundred yards or so outside the Manor walls was a perfect little solution.

She always wanted to be a contributor to whatever group she had been a part of. While she knew the medical field was her forte, picking apples was an easy enough task with minimal risk involved. Despite that, Negan remained within three feet of her every step of the way, like at any minute he was prepared to jump in front of a bullet to protect her.

She reached up into the tree to grab an apple and then turned to Negan, who stood watching her every move. Alexandra smiled. "I'm not going to break."

"I'll make sure of that," Negan told her.

She continued to smile at him and dropped the fruit into a bag he was holding out in front of him. "You know... you don't _have_ to come out here if you have other things to do. I feel like your skill set is above apple picking."

He nodded. "So is yours... doc." Negan winked and glanced down as she put more apples into the bag. "You want me out of your hair?"

"No." Alexandra shook her head. "No, I like that you're not sick of being around me yet... I just don't want you to feel obligated because you're afraid I might get hurt."

"I'm not afraid of you getting hurt," he explained, "I'm fuckin' afraid of you getting killed."

She put one hand on his shoulder and the other on the gun around her waist. "Don't underestimate me," she said quietly.

Negan grinned and scanned the area. He then looked back at Alexandra. "You know what that fuckin' tough girl shit does to me. Don't make me drag you away from here." He grinned making her chuckle.

Alexandra slid her hand to the center of his chest and tightened her grip on the handle of the gun. "Don't make me put you in your place."

He laughed lightly and looked her in the eye. "You keep fuckin' talking like that and..." Negan took a deep breath and looked down. When Alexandra's eyes dropped to his waistline he playfully grabbed her, pulling her up against him with her back to him so she couldn't move. "See how easily I can distract you... shit, you better protect your weapon better than that." He slid his hand down toward her waist and gripped her hand over the handle of the gun.

"That's not fair." Alexandra smiled when he dropped his lips to her neck.

"In this world everything is fuckin' fair," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and then forcefully shoved her hand down the front of his pants, making him laugh and groan all at once.

"Easy," Negan said with a chuckle.

"You really _do_ like this tough girl shit," she said quietly.

"There are people right over there through those trees," he whispered in her ear with a smirk. When her hand squeezed around him tighter he chuckled again and pulled her closer against him. "This is a... public place."

Alexandra's eyes flickered open and saw no one in the immediate area. "I don't see anybody." She continued what she was doing with a smile, feeling him sigh up against her. "Should I stop?"

Negan let out a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes. "Nope." He swallowed hard and then smiled again. "I, uh..." Negan cleared his throat and then failed to continue. Alexandra egged him on, loving the power she had over him that was leaving him speechless.

"You what?"

When Negan didn't respond she almost laughed out loud but she refrained.

He closed his eyes. "Fuck Alex." Negan finally grabbed her arm and stepped back.

Alexandra turned to face him with a mischievous grin.

He laughed and put his hands on his hips. "You're enjoying this shit, huh?"

"Enjoying what exactly?" she raised her eyebrows.

"You know what." Negan gently pulled her back to him and kissed her hard, dropping a hand to her lower back so her hips were pushed up against his.

Alexandra pushed him back a couple of inches but kept their faces close. "We're on the job," she reminded him, purposely teasing her tone. She linked her fingers inside the belt loop closest to the front of his pants.

Negan looked over his shoulder, "Well, what if we took a wrong fuckin' turn on the unbeaten path?"

"I might get fired," she joked, raising her eyebrows.

"Good." He refocused his attention back on her, linking his hands together against her lower back. "Then I won't have to fuckin' worry about you being out here risking your life for a bag of fuckin' apples."

Alexandra kissed him once on the lips. "I think something drastic would have to happen for me to get fired." She undid the button on his pants.

Negan looked down and then back up at her. "It's a little fuckin' reckless to do this out here. The walkers... Rick's group..." He felt a surge of arousal from the thrill of it and kissed her, feeling her fingers dig into his hips as his pants shifted down a couple of inches.

She breathed heavily out of her nose as her tongue fought for dominance against his. "It's pretty fucking stupid, isn't it?" she breathed, and then continued to kiss him, feeling his erection pushing up against her through his pants.

Negan moaned lightly, "Fuck it..." he separated himself from her, pulling her by the hand away from where the other few people were finishing up the job.

Alexandra felt a rush of adrenaline and let him tow her to a segregated spot in the woods where he picked up where they left off, first finding her lips and then allowing her to take the lead when she unzipped his pants and then lifted his shirt to kiss the lowest part of his stomach.

Negan leaned his head back against a tree with his eyes closed and allowed her to have her way with him. "Fuck... I wasn't expecting this." He kept his eyes closed and tangled a hand in her hair as she carried on for several minutes.

Alexandra stood up to face him, making Negan open his eyes. He stared back at her with swollen pupils and was completely at her mercy. "You owe me for this one," she whispered with a smile.

Negan closed his eyes again when she kissed him, assuring the power was still in her hands. He kissed her back in a sloppy, passionate manner and then agreed in a break in their kiss. "Okay," he agreed without opening his eyes, "I fuckin' owe you." When she didn't immediately continue he opened his eyes and smirked, "Now... get back on your knees honey."


	85. Checkers and Apple Pie

**Always have to say 'Happy Walking Dead Sunday'! Thanks for reading. I don't know if anyone is interested but I have a second story that I don't know if I'm done with or not about Negan and his now deceased wife Lucille prior to the apocalypse if anyone is interested in checking it out. Tried to base it loosely off of "Here's Negan" (his back story). Can't post links but this might work this way: it's the fanfiction website /s/12084625/1/The-Life-of-Negan-Lucille-Pre-Apocalypse**

The day was overcast and there was a chill in the air but it was a nice day overall. Alexandra enjoyed the autumn type of weather they were experiencing and found herself smiling as she entered back through the gates of The Manor. The day was the first that Negan hadn't come with her out to get fruit and while she appreciated the space he was giving her she also wished he had come like he typically did. Several times she found herself daydreaming about the several days earlier when they snuck away together.

She walked with two baskets, one of apples and the other pears that had been discovered accidentally not far from the first set of trees and was eager to drop them off with a few of the women that were in the process of baking apple pies for a little social gathering that evening.

On the walk down the center of the town Alexandra smiled when she saw Negan sitting across from Sarah playing a game of checkers at a picnic table with Lucy in his lap. She watched as she tried to plead her case as to why she took three of Negan's black pieces while he protested against her and called her a cheater.

"I cannot play with him," Sarah complained as Alexandra approached them.

Negan adjusted Lucy so she faced him and then made a face to make her giggle and slur a bunch of words together. "She's a cheater," he accused prompting Sarah to go on a rant. He raised his eyebrows at Alexandra and then laughed and finally gave in when Sarah didn't stop, "Alright, alright! Jesus... shit kid you could have been a damn lawyer in the real world."

"As opposed to the fake world," she shot back.

"Yes, as opposed to the fake fuckin' world."

"Language," Alexandra whispered and lifted an apple from the basket.

Negan waved her to him with a nod of his head and Alexandra put the fruit up to his mouth so he could take a bite. He winked at her and began to chew, "Thanks honey."

"Has she said anything else?" Alexandra asked, referring to Lucy. She placed the baskets down and reached for her.

"I can't believe she said Dad before Mom," Sarah said, shaking her head.

"Me either." Negan smirked and Alexandra shrugged.

"She's a daddy's girl I guess." She smiled at the two of them.

Sarah slapped her hand down over Negan's, "You my friend are in the estrogen ocean."

He cocked his head back and gave a hearty laugh. "I've got to toughen my girls up."

"Please," the youngster waved a hand at him and rolled her eyes.

Alexandra smiled. "Who's _actually_ winning this game?" she asked, glancing at the board of blacks and reds.

"I am," Negan and Sarah said at the same time, prompting her to begin ranting about his unfair tactics in the game.

"You win, kid..." he flipped his end of the board so it folded over and left the pieces scattering in all directions.

"Lucy..." Alexandra talked to their daughter, "Can you say Mom." She pointed to herself, "Mommy."

Lucy made a series of noises but none of them came out like she would have liked. Alexandra looked to Negan who grinned and then stood up. He put a hand on Lucy's head and then gave Alexandra a long, closed-mouth kiss. "She'll say it," he assured her, "She's tryin'."

Alexandra smiled and toyed with the collar of his leather jacket, "I know."

The two of them smiled, staring at one another almost admirably for a moment and then Sarah cleared her throat.

"Gross," she said when Negan turned to her. Sarah purposely raised her eyebrows and stared him down.

"Don't act like you haven't thought on kissing that kid down the street, what the hell's his name?"

"What!" she stood up abruptly. "Yeah... okay."

"What's his name?" Negan asked.

Sarah folded her arms across her chest and shifted her eyes back and forth. For the first time since Alexandra had met Sarah she appeared flustered and unsure. "Eric," she said finally, eyeing the pavement. She rolled her eyes again when Negan began to laugh.

"Alexandra can ask... see if he likes you." He winked at Alexandra when Sarah began to have a fit.

"No!" Sarah shouted, "No way! Don't say anything."

"I won't," Alexandra promised. She swatted Negan on the arm, making him laugh again. "He's teasing you."

"Mad because I beat him at checkers," she muttered.

Negan sported a wide grin. "We didn't finish," he reminded her.

"Because you closed the board because you were afraid you were going to lose."

He turned to face Alexandra who was trying not to laugh. "You know if this kid was anyone else they'd be knocked the fuck out by now." Negan faced Sarah again and made a fist. "Knocked out."

"One swift kick to the balls and I could have you crying before you even got a swing in." Sarah held her head high and challenged him with her 'I win' stare.

Negan shook his head, still grinning. "Keep it up and I'll tell Eric-"

"Fine, fine!" she shook her head. "You found my Achilles heel alright."

Alexandra laughed at her choice of words. "Your Achilles heel?"

"My kryptonite," Sarah went on. "Damn it... I really _am_ losing my touch."

"Well straighten the fuck up little soldier," Negan told her. He reached down and took the apple he started eating from Alexandra's hand and took another bite. "Looks like you collected more today than when I was fuckin' helping you."

A slow smile spread across her face. "By just a couple."

"Hmm." Negan bit down on the fruit again and stared at her. "I think I may have to join you again out there. That was the best fuckin' supply run I've ever been on."

"Can't be too reckless out there."

He grinned, "Can't be too careful either."

Sarah studied their interaction. "I feel like you're talking in code or something."

"Well shit!" Negan gave an animated laugh and turned to Sarah, "You aren't losing your touch after all. I was worried about you there for a minute kid."

"So I'm right?" she asked.

"Yup." He continued to smile.

"So... what were you talking in code about?"

Alexandra shook her head at Negan, who appeared to be enjoying playing little mind games with Sarah.

"If I told ya kid I'd have to fuckin' kill ya." He heaved another laugh and put his hand on his chest, "And I don't want to do that shit. Who the fuck am I going to play checkers with?"

Sarah tried to hold back a smile and then shook her head with a light laugh. "I think you should still take me up on the killing Rick offer."

"What killing Rick offer?" Alexandra asked.

Negan gave Sarah a look. "You're going to get me into fuckin' trouble again."

"Negan..." She eyed him and he laughed.

"The kid was lurking around the medical building one night well after midnight and then pitched this crazy fucking idea that _she_ would be the one to take out Rick Grimes... _the_ Rick Grimes!" He looked at Sarah, "And I shut that shit down right away, didn't I?"

"He yelled at me and told me to get the hell inside," Sarah confirmed. She turned back to Negan, "But my offer still stands."

"Still denied," he shot back with a grin.

"I don't know who worries me more," Alexandra confessed looking at the two of them.

Negan pointed toward Sarah, who immediately tried to outmatch him and she pointed back at him.

"Yeah... exactly," Alexandra said. She took a deep breath, "I'm going to bring these to the cooking houses. We have the little get-together tonight. They're making apple pie."

"I'd love a slice," Negan told her with another wink grinning wide.

"I know you would," she said back, shaking her head.

"Give me the little one back." Negan reached for Lucy and then bounced her in his arm. "You love your daddy huh?" he smiled when she reached a tiny hand up and grabbed his ear.

Alexandra smiled at them and then looked at Sarah.

"Can I tag along to the kitchen?" she asked, eyeing the baskets.

"Of course." She smiled, "Want to learn how to make an apple pie?"

Sarah nodded. "Sure."

Alexandra guided her ahead of her and then turned to Negan with a smile.

"Tell Eric I say hi," he shouted after them.

Sarah turned to him, glanced up at Alexandra a moment and then flashed a middle finger in his direction.

Negan laughed out loud, pretending to be shocked in his reaction at her gesture.

"That was your fault Negan, "Alexandra called to him with a grin.

Negan laughed to himself and watched them go before wandering back to the house with Lucy.


	86. Real

**I made a 2nd part to the Negan/Alex video I originally put up since this story is heading in a new direction. Check it out and let me know what you think if interested: youtube dot com** **/watch?v=tLL15BtBxMA**

There weren't many typical get-togethers at The Manor. Since Negan and Alexandra had arrived there had only been the one when they formally got to know everyone. There were some members of the community that agreed to remain on the lookout from the town's watchtowers while the party ensued, though the shifts were short and people switched so everyone could take part.

There was music playing, liquor, food and baked goods. From an outsider view it would have seemed like a typical house party from way back when. There were no walkers, no violence...

Alexandra knew Negan didn't always care for the scene because he was strictly business on many levels. She knew he would be concerned with who was out at watch, or if something went wrong at that exact moment. Still, he went against those feelings for a couple of hours and tried to relax in the rare lowkey atmosphere.

"I feel like getting fuckin' drunk tonight," he said quietly into her ear as they made their way inside.

She smiled. "Go ahead."

Negan grinned and shook his head. "Not when my head's on the fucking chopping block."

"I'll protect you," Alexandra assured him with a wide smile.

"You should, uh, put me in my fuckin' place again tonight the way you did in the woods the other day."

"I think you owe _me_ one," she reminded him. Alexandra gave a tug on his belt loop and laughed lightly.

Negan put leaned in toward her a little closer, "You're starting to give me a fuckin' hard-on."

"What's gotten into you lately?" Alexandra laughed against his cheek and he chuckled back.

"You fuckin' started it last time... and now I can't stop thinkin' about it."

"You owe me," she whispered again, "Big time."

He put his lips closer to her ear, "Want to get out of here?"

"Let's go," she teased, making his eyes light up for a moment until he realized she was kidding.

Negan looked down at the slight bulge in his pants. "Thanks honey... you wake him up and then tell him to go back to sleep."

Alexandra could've stayed there on the cusp of flirting and foreplay all night but she swatted him lightly in the chest and looked around.

"No one's even paying attention to us doll," he persisted.

The way he spoke to her made her face grow hot and made her arms and legs feels heavy. A wide smile formed on her face and she decided to play along.

"Well, what the fuck should we do then?" Alexandra asked him. She looked up and made eye contact with him.

Negan smiled wide and didn't break his stare. "The mouth on you," he let his eyes scan the room and ran a his tongue across his teeth before fixing his gaze back on Alexandra. When he saw Matt coming toward them with a couple of beers he was tempted to tell him to get lost.

"Welcome," Matt said in a friendly tone, "I think these are definitely in order after all you two have been through lately." He raised the glasses and Alexandra took hers first.

"Thank you," she told him with a smile.

He nodded and looked to Negan. "I won't bother you with the business stuff tonight," he assured him.

"Good." Negan sported a half grin and then Matt raised his glass after a momentary silence.

"Here's to... whatever lies ahead."

Alexandra took the lead in tapping her bottle against his and Negan tipped his in their direction before taking a long swig.

"You, uh... don't have anything a bit fuckin' stronger do you?" he raised his eyebrows and grinned at Matt.

"Bottle of whiskey floating around."

Negan looked to Alexandra, "Let's go on a treasure hunt for that shit honey."

She shook her head with a smile as he slumped an arm over her shoulders. Matt waved them in his direction and they followed closely behind until Negan spotted the bottle on a table in the kitchen.

"Cha-ching," he reached for it, being a handed a glass by Matt and then filled the glass about halfway up before sipping on the whiskey. "Not fuckin' bad."

Matt nodded. " I have a few stashed at the house if you ever want to swing by for a drink."

"Oh... you mean actually stop by for a drink this time?" Alexandra put a hand on her hip and looked at the two of them. "Or is that code for 'meet with Rick' again?"

Matt opened his mouth to speak but then glanced at Negan who took another, longer sip from the glass.

"She was pretty fuckin' pissed about that shit," he told Matt with a chuckle.

"I'm uh..." He shrugged and looked at Alexandra apologetically.

She grinned. "Not _your_ fault."

"We're fuckin' past this," Negan reminded her, still smiling with his lips to the glass. He then looked to Matt who still appeared like he was walking on egg shells. "Light up, she's fucking with you. I already caught a ration of shit for both of us. Did you see the emotional meltdown in the street? God damn... my lady's got a hell of a fuckin' swing on her!"

Matt laughed and helped himself to some whiskey before grinning. "Glad it was you and not me."

"She's fuckin' scary as shit when she's mad." Negan turned to Alexandra, "Ain't ya honey?"

"If you say so." She raised her eyebrows and took a sip from the bottle of beer.

He smiled and looked around the room at the small crowds of people before setting his eyes on the back door. "There's a deck out there, right?"

Matt looked over his shoulder to where Negan was looking. "Yeah."

"I'm going to get some fuckin' fresh air," he told him, despite having just come in through the front door. "Coming?" Negan looked at Alexandra who shrugged with a smile.

"Sure."

"Save some more fuckin' whiskey for me." Negan patted the back of Matt's shoulder and then towed Alexandra with him out the back door. When they found themselves sitting at a small table across from one another he looked at her. "I should've asked if you wanted something to eat."

"I'm okay for now," she assured him. "In a little while maybe." Alexandra took a long sip from the Rolling Rock bottle and then set it down between her hands and stared across the table at him. "So... is this your idea of getting me alone?"

Negan grinned and reclined back in his chair, outstretching his feet beneath the table so they were entwined with hers. He cradled his drink in one hand and looked down when he felt her snake her foot halfway up the back of his leg. "Honey... if you want to find a quiet fuckin' place somewhere you just let me know."

Alexandra smiled at him and let out a sigh. "I'm not so sure we would be invited back."

"And why's that?"

"The things that you have running through my head..." She shook her head and took another drink, staring at him as she did.

Negan leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table and keeping his glass in between his fingers. "Care to fuckin' elaborate?" A bigger grin spread across his face.

"Well if one curse word got you all hot and bothered before I don't think I should tell you what I'm thinking now." Alexandra raised her eyebrows, challenging him.

"I think my imagination might be a bit fuckin' worse than yours." His fingers tightened around the glass and he lifted it to his lips, "So why don't you tell me?"

Alexandra fought back a giggle, but wasn't able to hide her smile behind her bottle of beer. She couldn't think of any good way to put what she had on her mind. Negan's eyes were locked on hers and even if she wanted to she couldn't look away.

"Why don't I fuckin' start this little conversation we're about to have?" he suggested.

"I'm listening."

"First..." Negan rose to his feet and held out a hand.

Alexandra smiled and stood up as he took her hand in his and pulled her to him. She hadn't noticed the music that had been playing until he pulled her up against him for a slow dance.

"You're going to have to help me with the name of this one," Negan nodded toward a speaker in the window. "I'm a few years older than you."

"Lifehouse... Breathing." Alexandra sighed, "I had the CD in college."

He took in her sudden change in posture. "What's wrong?"

She sighed, "Probability theory."

"What?" He pressed his eyebrows together.

"Probability theory," Alexandra repeated, "The last time we danced something really terrible happened."

"You got fuckin' knocked up," Negan joked with a chuckle. He forced her to look at him when she didn't respond. "What?" he asked her more seriously.

She sighed. "You and Rick got into it and-"

"I don't want to talk about Rick," he told her, tightening his hand against her lower back. "I want to talk about you."

Alexandra looked at him more directly. "What about me?"

Negan's light-hearted, flirty mood turned more serious as hers did. "In case anything does ever happen-"

"Leave that part out," she breathed the words and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Alright," he agreed, and then waited until she looked at him again. "I love you."

"I know."

Negan made sure her eyes were still locked on his. "No, I really fuckin' love you. I put on a good fuckin' show for people. I've always been good at doing that shit." He shook his head. "But everything in between Lucille and you was a big fuckin' game - it wasn't real. It was a means for survival and it worked for awhile but you..." Negan put a hand on the side of her face, "You're real." He gently pulled her hand and placed it on the center of his chest. "This is fuckin' real. For a while I didn't think I had anything left in me to feel... anything. I did some bad fuckin' things, and I know I'll continue to do some bad fuckin' things to survive but..." Negan let out a sigh. "I wish now that I didn't have to. If this could be our fuckin' life..." He looked around the back deck, "Parties, and cocktails and fuckin' going to work and coming home and hiring a babysitter for the fuckin' night so we could spend a night out..."

"I know," Alexandra told him. "I feel those things too." She rested a head against his chest and he continued to rock them back and forth. She sighed into his chest and closed her eyes for a moment as she thought about all the things he had just said. "Let's get out of here."

Negan's hand tightened around hers and he looked down at her.

Alexandra straightened up so they were eye to eye and kissed him once. "Right after this song," she added.

"Okay," he agreed, kissing her again several times in a row. "I owe you one."


	87. Alexandria

**I know I posted this last chapter, but check out my Negan-Alex (Part 2) Video if you have a second!** **youtube dot com** **/watch?v=tLL15BtBxMA**

 **HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :)**

Alexandra strolled around the small apple orchard looking for any stray apples that were left hanging on the trees that had more or less bled dry over the course of a couple of weeks. She hoped that maybe there were more trees she didn't know of, or certainly that a fresh batch would arrive again in time. She stared down into the basket, counting only eleven apples and then decided to make her way back home when she had traced every branch for anything that was left.

Visions of Lucy came to her mind and she couldn't wait to see her daughter. Each day she wondered when she would say the word "Mom", or try to; and while she was still in the in between stage of mumbling and words, Alexandra felt like it was coming soon. She knew she had to be there each step of the way.

Negan had said he would try to catch up with her outside the walls but when he never showed Alexandra headed back. She enjoyed the calm of the woods and felt lucky that the walkers were scarce in their appearance. Lately she'd had many occasions when it felt like things were normal. Alexandra hoped it would stay that way.

The basket draped over her right forearm and she began to count the apples again as she went. Once or twice she looked up, seeing the gates to The Manor through the trees and hoped maybe she could keep some of the fruit she collected to make a pie for the house that night.

The sound of snapping twigs made Alexandra stop a moment and she looked to the left and the right. "Hello?" she asked, immediately feeling her heart rate pick up. When no one answered, she was tempted to run but rather walked just a bit faster.

There were more sounds now - the twigs snapping again, leaves crunching and there was no mistaking there was someone following her. Alexandra's mind drifted back to a time when Negan scared her in the medical building at The Sanctuary and she hoped it was him playing a joke on her.

She turned to glance over her shoulder and then gasped and let the basket of apples of drop to the ground when she saw Carl standing there with a gun pointed in her direction.

"Don't move," he said firmly, "I'm not going to hurt you but stay where you are."

"Carl..." Alexandra took a deep breath, "Take the apples. "She knew that wasn't at all what he was there for but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I don't want the apples," Carl confirmed.

"What are you doing?" She shook her head. "Your father-"

"He doesn't know I'm here... but I'm taking you with me."

Alexandra shook her head. "I'm not-"

Carl lunged and grabbed her, still pointing the gun directly at her.

"Don't do something that's going to make Negan want to kill you Carl," she told him, "Please... I want you to live on; to get past this."

"I'm not scared of Negan," he insisted, and then gave a sinister stare, "I don't want to kill you either, Alex. But if I have to to prove a point..." Carl hesitated, "I will."

"You wouldn't." Alexandra wasn't so sure. He stared at her so coldly; so angrily. Negan had spoken of how even he was a little afraid of what the teen might do, or try to do. She wasn't certain that Carl wouldn't pull the trigger just to simply get back at him. She closed her eyes and pictured his face, and then Lucy's.

"I would," he told her, "But I don't want to."

She knew he was being truthful, and the images she had of her loved ones forced her into submission. Alexandra looked down at the basket of apples and remembered Negan's words when he had been out there with her. "You don't need to be risking your life for a basket of fuckin' apples," he had said.

"Come with me now," Carl ordered, "Or I'll go with Plan B."

The two of them stared at one another and Carl walked backwards, urging her with him with the barrel still looking her in the face.

Alexandra had a feeling that Carl wasn't lying. She thought of Lucy again and then reluctantly followed. A part of her wanted to turn and run and take her chances, but she told herself that a fifty percent chance that he would shoot or not wasn't worth it. She need greater odds of fifty percent when it came to her survival. It wasn't for herself. It was for Lucy, and for Negan.

She knew she had screwed up. Wanting to leave the walls of The Manor was a choice she didn't have to make - but she had made it, and she had gotten comfortable in the apple orchard.

 _The worse thing you can do in this world is get comfortable_ , she reminded herself.

"Let's go!" Carl urged.

Alexandra sighed, wanting to plead but she knew it would do no good. All of her ammunition Carl was already aware of. He knew she had a daughter. He knew she was a doctor. Still, he didn't care.

"I'll never give him up to protect myself," she told Carl, referring to Negan.

"I know," he said with a confident nod, "But he'll give up himself to protect you."

...

Alexandra wasn't exactly sure where they were once Carl towed her back to where they were all staying. She had been familiar with The Hilltop, but this place was a quaint neighborhood similar to The Manor and just slightly closer to where she and Negan had been living.

"What is this place?" she asked.

"Alexandria," Carl explained. He ordered for the gates to be lifted and looked in all directions before taking her inside.

There was no in sight other than Eugene at the guard post who opened the gates. He gave a polite, awkward nod despite the circumstances but Alexandra saw nobody else on their walk to the first house on the street. Despite how angry and upset she was feeling, she didn't want to see anyone die, particularly Carl.

 _He's just a boy_ , she thought to herself, but acknowledged the frightening side to him that Negan had spoken concern for once or twice. Alexandra had minimal talks with Carl while Negan had been held captive but she knew more of him than he probably suspected.

"Come on." Carl urged her, nodding his head. His voice was calm and unusually ordinary given the circumstances. "I don't want to drag you around like an animal. Just walk in with me."

"And if I don't?" Alexandra stared at him.

"Then I'll have to be harsher." His eyes remained firm but honest, "Don't make me."

"You don't have to do this Carl." She shook her head, "I know things are hard for you, but-"

"I just want Negan dead. This has nothing to do with you."

Alexandra shook her head. "If it has to do with him then it has to do with me."

"Why do you like him?" Carl shook his head, squinting his eyes.

She let out a sigh. "Love is complicated." That was the only sentence she could get out as a response. "One day maybe you'll understand."

"Doubt it." He trucked up the set of stairs onto the porch and Alexandra knew if she didn't follow along then things could get a whole lot worse and so she walked a few steps behind them and entered the home as he held the door for her.

"Where are you taking me?" Alexandra asked him. She looked around the neatly put-together home and Carl waved her up a flight of stairs. When they reached the top he pointed toward one of the hardwood floors.

"I just want you to look," he said.

"At what?" she stared around the room when he flicked the light on.

"Exactly." Carl flipped the switch again. "There's nothing to see."

"I don't understand."

He towed her from room to room, leaving Alexandra with nothing but an unsolved enigma. When the two of them stood in the empty hallway for a moment, Carl finally turned to her.

"There's nothing to see because _he_ took it all," Carl explained, "He took our beds... our medicine..." His voice trailed off and he reached for her arm, "Come on."

Alexandra sighed, trying to stay calm and process everything. She knew Carl wouldn't hurt her if she complied and so they went back down to the first level of the home. "I have to figure out what to do with you for now."

"Are you going to chain me to a wall too?" she asked, "And feed me next to nothing for months? That's what you did to Negan."

Carl was about to shoot back a snarky remark but a noise came from the basement. He looked at Alexandra for a moment and then recognized his father's voice. "Great..."

"What?" she asked.

He looked at her, twisting his noise in displeasure and then glanced down the door that led to the lowest level, immediately making eye contact with his father.

"Carl..." Rick's voice was scratchy and hopeful. He almost smiled but too many things had happened that prevented him from doing that.

"What is it?" Despite the subtleties, Carl picked up on the barely-there grin.

Rick turned to look at something out of Carl's view and then back to his son.

"Carl..." Alexandra spoke, prompting his features to change into those of a boy who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Whos' that?" Rick called up the stairs.

"Um... I..." Carl looked at Alexandra, who for the first time realized that Rick had no idea of Carl's kidnapping adventure. She was tempted to run again, confident that he wouldn't shoot her right there in the living room of the contemporary home with his father watching, but she also knew that she would never escape the town.

"Carl get down here," Rick ordered. "Who's with you?"

Alexandra stared at him and he waved her toward him before they descended into the lowest level of the home. When they got to the bottom of the stairs and rounded the corner into the unfinished basement, everyone's eyes seemed to light up at once.

"Dad..." Carl's mouth dropped open in disbelief.

"Carl..." Rick said back, putting a hand on his forehead.

Alexandra stared across the room. Everything else seemed to disappear around them when she laid eyes on Negan who laid on the ground. His hands were bound behind his back and blood covered half of his face, stemming from a wound that left his right eye swollen completely shut.

"Negan!" Alexandra went to run to him but Rick caught her halfway.

"Stop," he said sympathetically, "Alexandra-"

"Don't touch me!" she shouted, thought he continued to hold her back.

Despite his condition, Negan barely lifted his head from the ground. His horrified expression at her capture sent Alexandra into a fit of tears. "Alexandara," he choked out, attempting to stand up with little success.

She clawed at Rick to get to him, sobbing as she stared across the room at him. "Let him go!" she screamed, feeling her body go limp in Rick's arms, "Let him go Rick..." Alexandra begged this time, feeling all reason leave her body and she couldn't comprehend a full, rational thought. She continued to cry, harder with every second that she was unable to get across the room to Negan.

"Rick..." Negan cleared his throat, choking on a mixture of saliva and blood, "Don't fuckin' hurt her."

Rick and Carl seemed to be in as much shock as the other, neither knowing that the other had orchestrated a plan to kidnapped Negan and Alexandra respectively. Likewise, Alexandra still struggled, longing to get to Negan's side as he lay bloody and battered on the ground. Despite his weakened condition, Negan could see the confusion on the faces of his enemies though ultimately had no idea what they were going to do next.


	88. Hands Clean

"Carl... Carl!" Rick shouted as he loosened his grip on Alexandra.

She stood frozen for a moment, staring across the room through blurry, teary eyes as Carl approached Negan and kicked him hard in the face.

"Stop it!" Alexandra shrieked, attempting to push past Rick again.

"Carl!" He shouted again, finally releasing Alexandra to pull his son away from Negan who rolled slowly onto his back with his hands still bound behind his back.

She ran to his side now as Rick pushed Carl to the other end of the basement. Alexandra dropped to her knees besides him, running her hands over the most swollen parts of his face.

Negan laid with his good eye closed but sensed her next to him. "Did they hurt you?" He choked out.

Alexandra sniffed in, her tears dropping down onto him. "No," she told him, her voice shaking. "What did they do to you?" She drew her thumb gently over his swollen nose.

Negan cleared his throat to reply but he couldn't get the words out.

"He needs help." Alexandra turned to Rick and Carl, "What did you do to him?"

"He got what he deserved," Carl shot back, "He's lucky he's still breathing."

"I'm a doctor," Alexandra went on, ignoring Carl's comments, "I need to help him." She couldn't prevent more tears from streaming down her face, "He's... he's still recovering from a gunshot wound from Dwight."

"Yeah, where's Dwight now?" Carl asked.

Alexandra kept one hand against Negan and wiped her eyes with the other. She then proceeded to lift her shirt enough to show her wounds. "Dwight is dead... after he did this to me..."

"He was out of line," Rick agreed, "Dwight... he worked alone."

"I need to get him to a medical station," Alexandra said again looking back to him. "Negan..."

He laid still for a moment and then tried to open his eyes with only minimal success.

"You're telling me it's real?" Rick asked, "You love this man? What about... what about Randy?"

Alexandra shook her head, "Randy was protecting me. We were friends. I never thought you would let your doctors help me if you knew I was carrying Negan's child."

"Did Randy help Negan escape with you?"

"No," she lied, "I acted alone." Alexandra looked more directly at him. "Rick please..."

"How can you love him?" Carl asked again. "He's a monster."

She shook her head. "Neither of you know anything."

"You're his wife willingly?" Rick asked.

"Of course," Alexandra explained, "God he's been protecting me since we fell for each other back at The Sanctuary."

"The things he said to me about you-" Rick began.

"We planned that!" Alexandra shouted, "He's been saying things like that all along to make sure you wouldn't find out about us. He was afraid you'd use me or hurt me to get to him..." she shook her head, "Our baby is back at The Manor and her father is locked in this basement beaten half to death." Alexandra stared Rick in the eye. "And _Negan_ is the monster? Fuck you both."

Rick stared at her, not knowing what to say next. "He needs to pay for what he's done."

"What have you done? Are your hands clean?" Alexandra challenged. "I know people who's husbands were killed in their sleep at the hands of your people... in their sleep! You killed men you had never even met, that you had never spoken to!"

"They deserved it," Carl said coldly.

"Is that all you can say? I know about your friends but you killed off over twenty of ours... unprovoked... so you can try to justify your actions to yourself all you want but you can't justify them to me. You made your bed and then you couldn't handle having to lie in it. What was Negan supposed to do just roll over and let you kill more people?"

As much as Rick despised Negan he felt empathy for Alexandra. He could understand her point of view even though he saw the situation completely differently.

"Rick," Negan rolled onto his side and Alexandra moved to rest his head on her lap. "Let her go back."

"I'm not leaving," Alexandra told him. She ran her hand over the top of his head.

"Don't be fuckin' stubborn," he said quietly.

"Get us to a medical station," she demanded.

"You should go back," Rick told her.

"I'm not going anywhere. Your son brought me here and my husband needs medical attention," Alexandra took a deep breath and glared across the room, "I'm staying."

Negan spit, sending a spatter of blood onto the concrete floor and he began to cough before letting out a loud groan.

"How's it feel asshole?" Carl asked, stepping forward.

Rick put a hand in front of him to stop him as Alexandra continued to hold Negan against her.

"Please let him go," Alexandra begged.

"I can't do that," Rick told her.

"Then let me take care of him. You've done enough."

"We're just getting started," Carl chimed in.

"Carl..." His father turned his head to stare at him a moment. Rick ran a hand across his the scruff on his face and thought. He wasn't about to let Negan go and he could see Alexandra wouldn't willingly go back to where they lived. If she did, he was confident she would be back with more vengeance.

"Look at him," Alexandra motioned to Negan. "He can't do anything to you... not like this."

A stare-down ensued between her and Rick and he finally loosened up his tense posture.

"You're not thinking of letting him go." Carl glared at his father.

"No." Rick shook his head. "No... we need to get in touch with Maggie."

"Maggie?" Alexandra asked.

"Yeah... Negan killed her husband," Carl went on. He turned to Rick. "I'll go to The Hilltop."

"Go with Michonne," Rick ordered. "If you don't I'll-"

"Fine," his son agreed, "We'll be back." He turned and looked at Alexandra and Negan a moment and then hurried up the stairs. When the front door opened and closed there was a deafening silence that fell over the basement aside from Negan's occasional coughs and deep breaths in his attempts to breath properly.

"Don't kill him," Alexandra finally said when Rick failed to continue their communication. She felt her bottom lip begin to quiver as she attempted to get the words out. "Please..."

Rick broke eye contact and leaned up against the wall with his arms folded he eyed the ground. "We've got to wait for Maggie."


	89. From Mother to Mother

Maggie arrived at Alexandria and headed directly into the home where Negan was being held. She met Rick at the top of the basement stairs and neither one of them said a word for a moment. Carl and Michonne entered just behind her and Rick saw the emotion and anger still lingering in his son's eyes.

"Carl give us a minute," Rick requested.

"What?"

"Go check on the watch posts. Make sure-"

"I'm not a kid anymore, Dad. I'm a part of this."

"Just for a minute Carl," Michonne backed Rick on his decision and Carl glared at her for a moment. Without another word he turned and headed toward the front door, mumbling under his breath as he went.

"You have Negan," Maggie spoke matter-of-factly. Her voice was hopeful yet angsty.

Rick nodded slowly and then looked at her. "Yeah..." He glanced at Michonne who stood with her hands on her hips.

"What's the plan?" Michonne spoke quietly.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you two about." He nodded. "His wife is here."

"Where is she?" Maggie asked.

"Down there," Rick used his head to motion toward the basement.

Maggie looked back and forth between Rick and Michonne. "Alex... the one that was with the other doctor with us... Randy."

"That was a hoax." He used his thumb to itch the area in between his eyebrows. "She didn't think we'd help her give birth to the child if we knew Negan was the father."

Michonne and Maggie exchanged a glance and then looked back to Rick. "She's protecting him," Michonne assumed.

"She's pleading for his life," Rick explained. He looked to Maggie. "Carl brought her back here when we orchestrated the plan to grab Negan. I had no idea he went on his own to bring Alex back here."

"Where's the child?" Maggie asked.

Rick shook his head. "I don't know. Back at the place they've been living I guess."

She sighed, put a hand across her mouth and sat down in a chair in the corner of the room. "This makes things a bit more complicated."

"Yeah..." He looked at Michonne.

"Why don't we drive her back there?" his wife suggested.

"She isn't going to go." Rick shook his head. "And if she does she'll just come back."

The three of them sat deep in thought for a moment and then Maggie rose to her feet. "I'll talk to her." She looked at Rick, who nodded and allowed her past him down into the basement.

When Maggie got to the bottom she took a deep breath in seeing Negan's condition and the woman who loved him trying to clean him up with the red scarf he had been wearing. She turned to Rick for a moment and then looked back at them. Maggie felt no sympathy for Negan, but she couldn't help but be reminded of the image of Glenn that never fully went away just before he died. As ironic as it was that the man who laid on the ground was the one who put him in that condition, she felt something for Alexandra.

"Alex?" Maggie waved across the room. "Can I speak with you for a minute... upstairs?"

"No." Alexandra shook her head. "I'm not leaving him."

"I understand." She took a few steps in their direction and then looked back at Rick, "Give us a minute?"

He nodded once and then headed up the stairs. Michonne stayed in the background taking it all in with her arms folded across her chest.

"You should go back home," Maggie told her, "To be with your daughter..."

"I will," Alexandra assured her with a nod, "Once you let us out of here."

"Negan did some terrible things to our people... to my husband."

"I know," she confessed, "I thought Negan was dead the first time you captured him... so I understand the pain and now I'm feeling it again." Alexandra took a deep breath. "But I also watched the wives at The Sanctuary when their husbands were killed in their sleep in the radio building. I saw their grief, too."

Maggie closed her eyes. "They were stealing from the people at The Hilltop."

"Did they ever do anything to you or your group?" Alexandra stared at her more directly.

She stared back and looked down. "Not at that time, no."

"And you killed how many of them because of what?" she shook her head, "Hear-say? Or even if it was true because they were stealing from other people you were trying to make your own greedy deal with?"

Maggie turned and glanced at Michonne and then looked back at Alexandra. "The Saviors... they weren't good people."

" _I_ was a Savior," she shouted, " _I_ have only killed one person to date and it was in self-defense. I would never _ever_ in a million years stoop to killing someone while they laid sleeping. That has to be the most cowardly thing I can think of. You began mercenaries when you made the deal blindly with Gregory." Alexandra shook her head, "So you all can sit here and judge me all you want, but I've never murdered people in cold blood for no reason."

"Your husband has," Maggie told her.

"No..." She shook her head, "No, he's done what he's done in retaliation. All of it against you is retaliation for a battle that _your_ people started. Not the other way around." Alexandra saw the sympathetic look in Maggie's eyes. "I'm sorry that your husband was killed. I don't want to see anyone die. We captured Carl a while back and I begged Negan to let him go... and he listened."

"I was pregnant at the time," Maggie told her.

Alexandra closed her eyes. She had a heavy heart for Maggie's situation. "I'm sorry." She swallowed hard and looked down at Negan who still laid with his eyes closed. She waited until she saw his chest rise and fall with a breath before looking back to Maggie. "We have a little daughter who just said her first word a week ago." Her eyes welded up with tears. "She said Dad. That was her first word."

Maggie looked down for a moment and ran a hand across her brow line.

"She needs her father," Alexandra pleaded, "Please... she is his world now. He's not going to hurt anybody." She cried and laughed at the same time, "He's been playing checkers and carving pumpkins for Christ's sake."

"He taken so much from us," Michonne chimed in, "We can't just release him because you think he's reformed."

"He took your things, your possessions..." Alexandra shot back, "You took the lives of so many people from our group way before that. Think if it was in reverse." She looked at Maggie in the eye, "What if we came in here, killed twenty or thirty of your friends in their beds and then went back to our community to rest our heads for the night? What would you have done?"

Maggie and Michonne both stared at Alexandra, almost horrified expressions on their faces. Neither of them said anything for a long moment and Alexandra focused back on Negan who laid unconscious in her arms.

"All I'm asking for right now is to let me give him the medical care he needs." Alexandra looked at Maggie. "I'm begging you... for our daughter's sake."

Maggie felt torn between her own vengeful side; the hatred that continued to brew inside of her for Negan, and the strong, loving mother who was staring at another loving mother begging for the life the child's father. Humanity was something that Maggie hadn't lost - despite all she had been through.

"You'll both come back with me to The Hilltop," Maggie informed her. "We have the better medical supply station."

Michonne stepped forward, eyeing Maggie for a moment. "You're sure this is the best thing to do?" she asked quietly.

Maggie glanced over at her. "No," she admitted, "But for now... it's the right thing."


	90. Justice

The Hilltop brought back a familiar set of emotions for Alexandra. She never envisioned they would be back there and couldn't help but feel that things weren't going to play out in the favor of her and Negan. The sights, the sounds, the smells... all of it brought a sadness back that she could never fully describe to another if they were to ask.

Rick grabbed Negan by the back of his arm and began to tow him a step or two ahead of the rest of the group. "Let's go," he urged, as Negan stumbled trying to keep up in his weakened state.

Alexandra glanced at Maggie, and then shook her head and hurried to maintain pace with Rick and Negan.

Negan took a deep breath and then spit out another mouthful of blood. "Fuckin' punctured a lung or some shit," he choked out. "Those rib shots were no fuckin' joke Rick." Negan attempted a laugh but couldn't get it out.

"Stop talking," Rick ordered. When they reached the building where the primary physician worked, he shoved Negan through a door that easily swung open, sending him hard into the counter with another wince as he wasn't able to brace himself with his hands behind his back.

"Fuck me shit..." Negan winced and leaned up against the counter, attempting to get in a few deep breaths.

"Stop this," Alexandra said shaking her head. "If he has a punctured lung..." She tried to maintain her composure and rushed to his side again. "Untie his hands... please."

"Maggie... can you go find Dr. Carson?" Rick asked, noting there was no one in the room of emergency care.

Maggie looked at Rick for a long moment and then obliged to his request. She exited the room in search for the doctor.

Rick turned back to Alexandra and Negan, "Look... you're lucky Maggie is as sympathetic as she's been. If it were me... I wouldn't waste the meds... or the resources."

"You called on Maggie for a reason," Alexandra reminded him.

"Yeah... well it's not for him." He nodded toward Negan.

Alexandra put Negan's hands on his face and looked around the room. "I need to clean him up."

"Wait for Dr. Carson."

"Screw you." She shuffled through drawers, locating some rubbing alcohol and gauze. Surprisingly, Rick didn't stop her. He stared at Negan, who slowly slumped himself onto the chair and outstretched his legs with a long, decompressing sigh.

Alexandra hovered above him, "This is going to hurt a little," she warned.

"Do your worst to me," he grumbled, managing a small smile.

She felt her eyes weld up with tears again and then tried to mentally get herself in doctor mode.

"You won the lottery finding a woman like this," Rick said to Negan. "I'll never understand it." He shook his head and looked toward the door, waiting for Maggie and Dr. Carson to reappear.

Alexandra gently patted at the intensive wounds on Negan's face. She almost lost her composure several times when she saw the severity of the swelling around his eye but she remained professional in order to service him to the best of her ability.

"Which rib cage hurts?" she asked him quietly.

He cleared his throat and took a breath before replying. "The right."

"How is your arm and chest where you were shot?"

"Fine." Negan laid with his good eye closed and never faltered as she cleaned him up.

"Your eye socket feels broken." Alexandra ran her fingers over the area and finally let a few more tears slip out. "And... uh..." She took in a breath, "And your nose."

Footsteps from the hall made Alexandra and Rick turn toward the door and then Dr. Carson entered the room. While Alexandra wanted to be the one to help Negan, she was relieved to see the man, noting he was a good doctor and even more so a good person from the aid he provided her during her first stay at The Hilltop.

"His eye socket and nose are broken," she explained, drying her eyes. "And I think his ribs are cracked on the right... possibly a punctured lung."

Dr. Carson nodded. "I'll get some X-rays going." He approached the two of them and Alexandra reluctantly stepped back. "I need to free up his hands."

Rick and Maggie looked at one another and Dr. Carson glanced in their direction.

"I can't tend to him like this," he went on.

Rick closed the door and locked it, and then stood in front of it with his arms folded. "Go ahead..."

Dr. Carson swallowed hard and then proceeded to find a pair of medical scissors to release his hands from the tight ropes around his wrists.

Negan barely moved his upper body, but managed to lay his arms out on either side of his torso.

"Are you..." the doctor cleared his throat, "Are you comfortable?"

Negan took a deep breath but didn't reply. He sighed and swallowed as if he might speak but never did.

Dr. Carson proceeded with his tests, taking a collection of X-rays. All the while everyone watched and waited. Rick was the most stir crazy, alternating his position every minute or two and shared unspoken communication with Maggie through regular glances.

Alexandra waited, studying the other doctor's movements as he carried on. As much as she knew he was a solid, confident doctor she still was prepared to give her opinion if she felt it was necessary. By the end of it all she and Dr. Carson saw eye to eye, concluding exactly what she had stated from the get-go.

"I'm going to have to do a pretty intrusive procedure on him," the doctor claimed. He began explaining and Rick interrupted him.

"Give me a minute to talk to Maggie outside," he stated, waving her toward him.

Maggie glanced at Alexandra and then followed Rick to the hallway.

"Do we want him wasting our resources on Negan?" Rick asked. "I put him in that condition for a reason and now we're going to assure he gets better?"

"It leaves as bad of a taste in my mouth as it does yours," Maggie confessed. "This isn't for Negan."

"Who's it for? For us?" His eyebrows pressed together as he spoke more quietly, "So we can say we're still in touch with our... our humanity?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Then what?" Rick put a hand out to the side and leaned in closer, "Maggie... he killed Glenn, he-"

"It's not for him," Maggie said again. "It'll never be for Negan." She paused and struggled with the emotional conflict that was brewing inside of her. "I like to think to myself what would Glenn do? What would my father have done? And I know the answer to both of those questions." Maggie shook her head. "It's not for him, Rick. It's not even for the sake of our humanity. It's for that little girl back The Manor."

"How will she fare with Negan as her father?" Rick challenged. "She'd be better off without him."

"Would she?" Maggie raised her eyebrows. "You should be able to relate to this in the same way I can... or maybe it's just a motherly instinct. I don't know... but raising a baby alone in a world like this one is _not_ easy."

"There are plenty of people that would be willing to help Alexandra."

"So we're going to kill the child's father?" Maggie asked, "That's the answer?"

Rick scrunched his nose, ran a hand through his hair and turned away in frustration. "I don't know."

"There are times I wish I wasn't so empathetic," Maggie confessed, "But there are other times I thank God that still have that ability." She paused, "For so long I have wanted vengeance just as bad if not more than anyone else here... but I'm not willing to let vengeance win out over empathy and justice."

"Justice..." Rick shook his head, "Justice for Glenn?"

Maggie clenched her jaw and landed a hard smack across his face leaving the two of them staring in shock at one another. After a few seconds she let out a sigh. "I'm sorry."

"I was out of line," Rick told her. "I... I didn't mean..." He let the sentence trail off.

"I know you didn't." Maggie looked him more directly in the eye. "We can figure out what to do with him later... but another fatherless child in this world is _not_ something I am willing to contribute to."

Rick stared her back just as fiercely and then softened his eyes and looked down. "Fine..." he looked around the empty hallway, "This is your place... you're in charge here. But I think we're in for a long talk about what comes next."

Maggie nodded once. "Fair enough."


	91. Dusk to Dawn

Alexandra sat beside Negan in the hospital room with her head rested on folded hands against him. She closed her eyes, checking every fifteen minutes or so to make sure he was breathing properly. A handcuff chained his left arm to the bed and it made her all the more angry and upset.

While she was thankful for the treatment Maggie and the others had allowed, she felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. A part of Alexandra felt like she was being a bad mother for staying there with Negan, but she also knew those she bonded with were taking care of Lucy right at that moment. She trusted Anne, she trusted Nancy, she trusted Sarah... Still, she had been kidnapped and now she was Negan's only hope. He wasn't able to plead his case for himself and so she was there to save him.

Alexandra stood up and ran her hand over his head before kissing him on the cheek. She wandered to a small freezer, grabbed an ice bag and placed it over his swollen eye.

Negan moved just slightly and reached a hand to hers but dropped it and his breath steadied again.

Alexandra hadn't cried in hours but she began to when she got in deep with her thoughts. The ice pack reminded her of their first few meetings together, and of Negan's safety in The Sanctuary at that time. He was okay, she took care of him and at the end of the day he was safe and sound in his bed.

"I love you," Alexandra whispered against him. She hovered above him for a moment wanting to take away whatever pain he was feeling and then sunk back down into the chair linking her fingers with his. The second Alexandra placed her head down against him the door opened.

Maggie walked in, making eye contact as Alexandra turned her head.

"You should let us make you a room," she offered.

"No, I'm fine here."

"You need rest."

"I won't be able to sleep unless I'm next to him." Alexandra stared at Negan again.

"You really love him, huh?" Maggie waited until Alexandra turned back to her.

"Yeah." Alexandra didn't try to fight back her exhausted tears. "I'm not going to try to justify it to anybody anymore. I don't understand why Michonne loves Rick but I'm not about to question it."

"I wasn't going to ask you," Maggie assured her. "I can just see it."

"Yeah." Alexandra rested her head back down on Negan's lap over the blanket and turned away from Maggie. "For what it's worth... thank you for helping him. I know it's not easy... considering the past."

"I can't promise anything from here on out," she confessed, "But I can tell you that I understand the way you're feeling."

Alexandra sighed but didn't turn back to face her.

"We have a spare room-" Maggie went on but Alexandra silenced her.

"I'm not leaving this room unless he does." She sighed, "But thank you."

Maggie stared at them for a moment and then left without another word, closing the door behind her.

Alexandra glanced up when the door shut and then refocused on Negan.

"I remember when I used to just sit and watch you sleep," she told him despite the deep slumber he was in. "It felt much better than this."

Alexandra removed the ice from his face and replaced it with her hand. When he shivered she pulled the thin blue blanket that covered him up toward his chin and wishes there was room for her to lay next to him. Even though there wasn't that didn't stop her. She laid her head back down, studying the clock on the wall for a half a second that read fifteen minutes past midnight.

"I'll always love you," Alexandra told him.

Negan stirred and squeezed her hand. "I love you too," he said back quietly.

Alexandra lifted her head and put a hand on his face. "I'm not leaving."

"Well I'm not asleep yet so I wouldn't fuckin' expect you to," Negan whispered.

Alexandra gave a small smile and kissed the back of his hand. "I'm going to get you out of here."

"I know."

Alexandra rose to her feet again and cradled his head against her.

"Sleep," Negan told her. "Take the room they offered." He kept his eyes closed but Alexandra could see he was comprehending everything.

"You heard Maggie?"

"Yeah... I just don't want to try to plead my case with a woman who's husband I killed." He sighed, "She's a good fuckin' woman for not wanting to rip my head off huh?"

"I'll never question your actions... or judgment," Alexandra told him.

"Except when I meet with Rick behind your back."

She managed another fleeting smile. "That's one of the few exceptions."

Negan managed a smile. "If they don't let me go you need to go back."

"I'm going to get you out."

"But if you don't-"

"Negan please." Alexandra closed her eyes. "Please don't... not tonight."

He let out a breath through his nose and squeezed her hand. "Thank you."

She laid her head down against him and neither of them spoke. Soon, Negan fell back asleep and Alexandra was left alone with her restless thoughts.

Every so often she dozed off and then woke herself up with her own anxious imagery. Alexandra knew it would do no good but she wished when she woke up they would both be back at The Manor. Each time she awoke the disappointment hit her like a ton of bricks.

I've got to come up with a plan, Alexandra thought.

One, two and three o'clock passed and Alexandra was unable to get a consistent bout of sleep in. By four a.m. she felt a twisting pain in her stomach and figured she had gotten to the point where she literally worried herself sick.

She stood up, leaving Negan's side for the firs time and looked for a place in the room, spotting an oversized sink. Without much of a warning and even less to think she heaved her body over and vomited, attempting to be as silent as possible in the process.

Negan attempted to raise his head. "Alexandra," he mumbled.

"I'm fine," she said back in her best normal voice. "I'm fine."

Alexandra took a deep breath, this time feeling like her guts had quite literally but ripped out. She cleaned up the sink to the best of her ability and then leaned against it for a minute.

Dr. Carson entered the room and was surprised to see Alexandra up and awake.

"Are you alright?" He asked, "I was coming in to check on him. Morning shift starts early."

"I'm fine. Just... worried... anxious... restless." Alexandra closed her eyes and braced herself. "Tend to him."

The doctor continued to look in her direction for a moment and the went to wake Negan to perform concussion tests.

Alexandra watched for a moment and then felt the same uncomfortable rush from her stomach to her throat. As bad as she wanted to be right at her husband's side she felt the crippling feeling hold her in place by the sink.

Dr. Carson pointed toward the door. "Bathroom, first door on the right."

Alexandra would have typically fought against him but she couldn't help and darted out of the room, collapsing to her knees as she got sick again. Despite the discomfort and the pain, Alexandra's only thought was to get back in the room she had just come from. Even though she respected Dr. Carson and was grateful for Maggie's decision, she trusted no one but herself with Negan's well being.


	92. Broken

The next few days were long and tiresome. Alexandra's body ached. She hadn't slept for longer than an hour or two at a time and she was beginning to feel torn between staying with Negan and going to be with Lucy. A part of her was hopeful that Sarah would lead their new group to The Hilltop to help them but she wasn't even sure if Sarah knew how to get back.

The procedure Dr. Carson had performed on Negan's punctured lung was almost as painful for her to witness as it was for Negan to endure. Despite the mental anguish and his physical agony, she stayed throughout the ordeal and now watched him go through waves of consciousness, deep sleeps and everything in between. Physically, he was a mess with a collection of broken bones up and down his body and the internal damage that the Hilltop doctor had managed to repair. Still, the recovery wasn't something that would happen over night as Negan still hadn't fully recovered from being shot by Dwight.

Alexandra ignored the illness that was plaguing her body. She ignored the stiff neck and back that came from being slumped over at Negan's side night after night. She knew herself well enough to know that something wasn't right, but she wanted the medical staff's full attention on Negan, and so she assured them that she was fine.

She rarely left the room where he stayed, though when she returned from the bathroom this time Negan was awake. When he managed to crack a joke Alexandra couldn't help but smile.

"They could at least give me a fuckin' TV in here," he told her.

Alexandra laughed and sat down beside him like she had been for days. "I'll try to bribe them somehow."

Negan stared at her. "You know... don't take this wrong way but you're starting to look like those fuckin' walkers out there." He smiled, "I'd still lay it on ya but you need some fuckin' sleep doll."

"I've slept." She studied him a moment, wanting to cry each time she witnessed him, the toughest man she had ever known, laying helplessly with tubes in his nose, a broken face and chained to a hospital bed.

Negan looked at more seriously. "Honey... if we can't work something out you have to fuckin' go back. Go come up with a fuckin' plan if you have to but you can't stay here on two hours of sleep in a chair."

"I'll be the judge of that."

"I'm serious." He leaned his head all the way down and closed his eyes. "This might be it... I'm tired... I'm fuckin' beat to shit and I don't know if I can do it anymore. I don't want you to have to do it anymore."

"We're not going to talk about this right Negan."

"We have to Alexandra." He coughed and the strain in his jawline showed the pain he was in from the act. "I'm done."

"What do you mean you're done?"

"I'm done fighting with them. I'm done fuckin'... fighting. I can't anymore."

Alexandra closed her eyes and tried to fight back tears. When they slowly slipped down her face she shook her head. "This isn't where things end for you Negan. You're in recovery."

"And then they'll throw me back in that fuckin' cellar." Negan opened his eyes and reached for her hand when he sensed she was about to protest. "You need to go... let me go."

She waited until she felt enough composure to speak before saying, "No." Alexandra looked him in the eye. "You can't physically fight anything right now... but I can and I'm going to."

"You can have a life at The Manor."

"Well since this all started I've been fighting for my life," she told him, "This world requires us to fight and if we aren't doing that for someone other than ourselves then there really is no point." Alexandra looked at him. "I'm fighting for you."

"Well... I'm telling you not to."

"Well..." she cleared her throat, "Consider my defiance as a retaliation for you talking to Rick behind my back. This is _not_ over."

Negan looked at her. "There's no getting out of this honey."

Alexandra took in a deep breath through her nose and then leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. "I'll be right back with some water."

"Alexandra..." He began to shake his head and she hurried out of the room, closing the door abruptly behind her. She walked down the hallway a few feet and then squatted down with her back against the wall and began to sob into her hands. As much as she tried to hide it, her cries echoed off the empty, gray walls as she struggled to find some thought, anything that would lead her in a logical direction that could serve as leverage to allow Negan to go back with her.

Alexandra's mind raced with all sorts of pleas: _We'll leave you alone. We'll never come back. You won't ever see us again. Let the past be the past and let us start over._

She knew none of these would work. Not with the powerful emotional history that lingered between Negan and the group they were at the mercy of at that moment; not when even their daughter was not enough leverage for them to allow him to leave.

For a moment she steadied her breathing and picked up her head. Alexandra eyed the bathroom door that stood adjacent to Negan's and then headed in to dry her eyes.

 _Calm down_ , she ordered staring into the mirror. The woman looking back at her was tired, with bags under her eyes and sporting a messy ponytail with a tear-stained face. Being in the bathroom revived her urge to vomit after taking a number of trips there to do so over the course of several days. A moment later she found herself at the mercy of her body and she did just that.

"This is all my fault," she said to herself as she stood up from the floor.

"No it's not," a voice said from behind her, making her whip around.

Randy stood in the doorway with a sympathetic look in his eyes and Alexandra rose to her feet, rushing to give him a hug. "Randy..."

"Are you okay?" he asked her, hugging her back fiercely.

"What's it look like?" she mumbled against him, though didn't let him go. When she pulled back she looked him in the eyes. "You're not in trouble are you?" Alexandra spoke quietly. "I told them you had nothing to do with..."

"I'm not in trouble," Randy said, shaking his head. "They started calling me Scarlet, like the Scarlet Letter but that's the worst of it." He gave a small smile and let it fade, "What can I do?"

Alexandra took a deep breath and felt like she might collapse from the emotion, the sickness and her lack of sleep. She put the top of the toilet seat down and sat for a moment. "I... I don't know."

"You're sick."

"I'm fine." She looked at him. "It's just the situation..."

Randy looked at her skeptically but didn't push the issue. "You should sleep then."

"Negan needs water. I was... I was supposed to be getting him water."

"I'll get it." He shook his head. "Alex I'm really sorry. I hate seeing you like this."

"There's nothing anyone can do right now." She leaned forward so her elbows rested on her knees and she put a hand on her forehead.

"You can rest in my room if you want," Randy offered.

"I don't want to leave here." Alexandra took another long, deep breath.

He bowed his head for a moment. "Well... how about if I bring up some blankets then. Make you a spot to sleep on the floor in there." Randy tried to lighten the situation, "You look like shit." He grinned when she looked up at him and they shared a fleeting laugh before the mood turned more serious.

"That could work," she agreed, reaching for more toilet paper to dry her eyes.

Randy waved her to him and then hugged her again when she approached. "I'll see if there's anything else I can do," he promised. "But for now... I'll get the blankets and water."

Alexandra nodded and held him close for a minute. "Thank you." She swallowed hard.

"There are Tums in the back of the drawer under the sink in there." Randy motioned to the room where Negan slept.

"Thanks Randy."

He nodded and half-smiled. "Okay."

Alexandra watched him go for a minute and then made her way back into Negan's temporary room. She looked down at her shaking hand as she turned the knob and re-entered the room.

Negan stared at her as she slowly closed the door. "Come here."

She crossed the room and leaned down against him, feeling like she could collapse at any moment.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he told her. When his voice cracked in the middle of the sentence Alexandra's eyes filled up with tears again.

Negan wasn't used to being broken, and he hated that he was vulnerable enough to finally let out some emotion. Even during his stint in the basement he hadn't been broken, but seeing Alexandra now made him feel weak. He wrapped his free arm around her and didn't hold back as he began to cry against her as he held her head against the top of his chest. He knew she had been better off when he was captured and she assumed he had been killed because then she wasn't stuck in limbo.

"I'm sorry Alexandra," he choked out, sobbing as he held her tighter, "I'm so fuckin' sorry."


	93. Hospitality

Sarah looked in the mirror and took a deep breath as she prepared her escape from The Manor. She had easily slunk in and out of the house where she had been living with Negan, Alexandra and Lucy to collect weapons they had stored around the house. For several days she had been staying with Lucy at Nancy's house and had been peppered with questions from Matt, Vince, Jack and the others about the potential whereabouts of her surrogate parents.E

She was fed up with attempting to give accurate explanations of where they came from but was even more frustrated that she hadn't paid closer attention when they made the trip from The Hilltop to The Manor. While she knew she could use the help from the grown men who were out to get their people back, a more stubborn part of her was eager to work alone.

Nancy was a wonderful caregiver and Sarah almost felt sorry for the act she was about to pull. She knew it would be like stealing candy from a baby with regard to getting out of the quaint little home. While she was sure Nancy knew of her inner need for adventure, she was also sure that the old woman, like most people she came across, severely underestimated her abilities.

Sarah took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. She pulled a black beanie cap down over her head of dirty blond hair that hung in a ponytail off to the side. Likewise, she pulled a black vest over a long-sleeved dark brown thermal complete over a pair of dark sweatpants. Equally for fun and for tactics, she streaked eye black under her eyes that she had stolen from Eric several days before. She vowed to give it back, as the boys loved to sport it when they played the occasional whiffle ball game, but felt it completely her outfit.

Tucked neatly on one ankle was a knife and the boot on the opposite side tied to her ankle by a belt was a small revolver that Negan had once given specifically to her.

"Point and shoot," he told her, "That's all you need for this type of gun. You squeeze and it'll fuckin' go boom."

She'd spent her nights on the prowl overstocking a backpack at that felt just a tad too heavy but she knew as she was forced to stop and eat on her journey that the bag would certainly lighten up a bit. Inside were bullets, three more handguns and a collection of other necessities for her trip on the road. Complete with two other knifes on her belt and small pocket knives in her pockets, she felt ready to venture forth in an attempt to locate Negan and Alexandra.

Sarah flicked off the bathroom light and tiptoed to her bed. She reached neatly for the note she had prepared for Nancy and left it on the pillow along with a number of little jars of baby food. Sarah wanted to go down and take say a goodbye to Lucy in case things went bad for her, but she knew she couldn't and so she blew a kiss to the door of the room she had been staying in before slinking out the window.

...

Alexandra awoke on the floor in the doctor's office feeling like she had been dropped down the rabbit hole from Alice in Wonderland. She felt disoriented, tired and stiff the way she had for days. When she saw Randy sitting in a chair with a book her memory of the last day or two came back to her.

She sat up and looked at Negan, who slept in the small hospital bed above her. The handcuff still held his arm in place and he appeared as she remembered with the oxygen tubes in his nose.

"Randy..." Alexandra choked out, causing her old friend to rise to his feet.

"Hey," he greeted, hurrying toward her, "Are you okay?"

She cleared her throat and allowed him to help her stand. "How long have I been sleeping."

"About twelve hours."

"Really?" Alexandra put a hand on her head and watched as he poured her a glass of water that she eagerly took. When she drank the whole thing rapidly he poured her a second glass and then helped her toward the chair he had been sitting in.

"They, uh, put me in charge of you," Randy claimed with a shrug.

She nodded and put a hand on her forehead.

"If you want to go shower... change... I can stay here with him." He saw that she was about to fight him on it. "Alex, you can trust me."

Alexandra swallowed hard and leaned back, glancing at Negan again.

"Do what the kid says," Negan grumbled from his bed. He cleared his throat. "You'll feel better."

Randy looked back to Alexandra who looked back and forth between the two of them before reluctantly rising to her feet. "Where's the shower?"

"There's one in this building," he explained, "The end of the hall, go down a flight of stairs, go to the left into a wide open room. Pass through the room and there will be one door in a little mud room type thing in the back. There's a bathroom there with a shower... should e towels in a small closet." Randy cross the room and opened a large drawer, removing a pair of green hospital pants and a top to match. "For now..." He offered it to her.

Alexandra hesitated, and then reached for the clothes before looking back to Negan.

"Go," he ordered, taking a deep breath.

"I won't be long."

"Take your time doll. I'm not going anywhere."

Alexandra walked over to him and left a kiss on his cheek and squeezed his hand before thanking Randy and then made her way down to the first floor into the bathroom as Randy had described.

When she got into the bathroom and drew the water she had all the intentions of rushing through the shower, tossing the clothes back on and rushing back up the flight of stairs. While a voice inside of her still urged her to do so, she couldn't help but feel soothed by the water, the smell of the shampoo and the warmth that began to bring a small ounce of life back into her body.

Alexandra closed her eyes and stood there for a long moment, breathing in scents of lavender and coconut. The almost spa-like nature of the simple shower somehow brought her hope that things could turn out alright.

She tried to prolong the moment, but once the conditioner ran from her hair she decided that the moment of solitude was over and killed the water in the shower. Immediately, the warmth vanished and she shivered for a second before gathering up a small pink towel to dry herself off with and threw on the clothes Randy had provided her.

Alexandra ran the towel through her hair and then tossed it into a little basket where others were strewn about before exiting the bathroom. She felt revived a bit and head back out toward the little kitchen that butted up with the bathroom. When she saw Maggie standing there she almost jumped, but simply stopped and stared.

"I, uh, just took a short shower," she explained, but Maggie shook her head.

"No need to explain." She held a small plate of food out. "Here. You haven't eaten much in days."

Alexandra eyed the plate that was filled with peanut butter crackers, eggs and a small bit of either chicken or turkey. She looked up to Maggie. "Why are you doing this for me?"

"You need to eat." Maggie continued to hold the plate out toward her and Alexandra finally took it.

"Thank you." She took a breath and slumped down at a seat and a small table. Maggie joined her and Alexandra took a bite out of a cracker first.

"I know it's an odd combination of food but it's a lot of protein."

Alexandra nodded, taking a small bite of the eggs next and then some of the poultry. "Thank you for helping him Maggie."

"It's Dr. Carson," she explained, appearing to not want a direct connection to aiding Negan. "Not me."

"Well... thank you either way." She tried not to eat fast but the food began to put that same speck of life back into her has the shower had. On the last bite, the smell of what she deemed was turkey struck her nostrils in a way that made her cringe and suddenly the texture on her tongue made her gag.

"What's wrong?" Maggie asked, "Are you alright?"

Alexandra put a hand over her mouth, wanting to apologize but made a bolt for the bathroom. All of the warm feelings she had just been thriving on left her body, and she had hoped that the gut-wrenching illness had past. That went out the window when she barely made it back to the bathroom and heaved up all the food that Maggie had just laid out for her.

"Alex..." she hurried behind her and held her hair. Maggie held no grudge for the woman who was with perhaps the man she despised the most. She sensed she was a genuine person despite the notion that she could love a man like Negan. She rubbed her back for a moment until Alexandra took a deep breath and reached for a tissue to wipe her mouth. "What else have you eaten lately?" Maggie asked.

Alexandra took another breath. "Just water."

"Let me fix you a bed to sleep," Maggie offered, "Please. You need to ride this out."

She shook her head. "I've got to go back upstairs... but thank you."

"Please..." She looked her more directly in the eye but Alexandra shook her head.

"Thank you for the food," Alexandra told her sincerely. "I'm sorry I wasted it."


	94. Man to Man

**Happy Walking Dead Sunday everyone :) Thank you for reading as always.**

Alexandra looked up from where she sat as Rick entered the room. She stood up abruptly though he made no move of aggression toward either of them.

"Rick Grimes." Negan flashed a grin from behind his wounds.

"I see you're awake," Rick spoke in a low, gravelly voice.

"It would appear that way."

Rick looked to Alexandra and Negan got the hint that he was about to ask her to step out.

"Hey honey." Negan looked at her. "It appears like Rick is about to ask you for some privacy between me and him. Go get a little sunshine, get yourself outside a little bit."

She looked at both of them and knew Negan well enough that he wouldn't ask her to go if he thought he was in danger. She obeyed his wishes with a simple, "Okay," and walked past Rick without looking at him.

Negan watched as she went and then refocused on Rick. "Ready to chain me back down in that cellar?" he gave a light tug on the handcuff.

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't," Rick told him. "Why I shouldn't make you live down there for what you put everyone through in this community..."

"I'm not going to plead my case." He looked away for a moment and then back to him, "So, you do what you have to fuckin' do."

"You had all of us under your thumb for so long," Rick reminded him. "You kept Daryl locked away in a dark room. No windows. So why... what's the reason why you get to just go free?"

"I never said I should go free." Negan said, "Shit... if I were in your fuckin' shoes I'd lock me up too." He looked him in the eye. "You are runnin' the damn show now. Tell me... how's the fuckin' barter system doing? The one you put out there as a peace offering after our war... right before you slit my throat."

Rick paused. "I remember you saying to me that we were both going to come out of this winners. It was early on... not long after your killed Glenn... and Abraham."

"Which was not long after you killed a whole building full of my people," Negan shot back. "Fuck... are you here to talk about the years past or are we attempting to come up with a solution for the years going forward?" He shook his head, "I know what I did and I will shout it from the fuckin' rooftops so everyone knows my dirty fuckin' laundry but you... shit Rick I thought you at least had the balls to admit the shit that you've done to survive in this fresh hell of a world we all live in. You see that's the difference between you and I. I know I've done wrong to stay alive... I've done some bad fuckin' shit and here I am chained to a bed with breathing tubes in my fuckin' nose and a shattered fuckin' face screaming it all in your face."

"And that makes up for it all?" Rick asked.

"Makes up for it all?" Negan laughed, "Shit no... like I said I have the balls to confess my motherfuckin' sins if that's what they are. And you are with the upper hand these days staring down at me chained up here and you _still_ can't say that you fucked up; that _you_ drew first blood in our back and forth game of Russian roulette." He paused, "So no Rick... it doesn't make up for it all. I don't think anything we've ever done could ever be overlooked by our former human selves. So again... after you go back with your lady friend, the widow of my infamous Lucille victim and your crazy ass kid who's future won't be far off from my past... you do what the fuck you gotta do with me."

Rick and Negan stared each other in the face, neither looking away until the door opened and Maggie entered the room. She took in the body language of both men, and then cleared her throat. "Rick... I need a word with you."

He continued to stare at Negan, who's eyes shifted to Maggie and the finally turned to his friend. Rick walked toward the door where she stood, glanced at Negan a final time and then exited the room.

"What is it?" he asked quietly once they were in the hall.

"What was that about?" Maggie asked.

"Just talking." Rick shook his head, "The second he can breath on his own-"

"I think Alexandra might be pregnant."

He narrowed his eyes and cocked his head to the side. "What?"

"I spoke with Dr. Carson and-"

"She could be using that as leverage for us to let her go."

"She hasn't told me," Maggie explained, "She hasn't told anybody."

Rick gave a puzzled look. "So how do you know this?"

"I don't... for sure," she confessed, "But she's been throwing up nonstop. Dr. Carson said something was wrong with. Randy said the same."

"Can we even trust Randy?"

"Rick I saw it with my own eyes. One minute she was fine, she was eating and the next she had her head in the toilet."

"It could be anything," Rick shook his head.

Maggie looked him in the eye. "I don't think so."

"You honestly think..." His stopped himself when he saw her nodding.

"The medical staff had their suspicions already."

"Until we have proof..." He backtracked, "Does it matter... I mean with regard with what happens to Negan?"

Maggie felt torn again, like there were those fictional little angel/devil characters on either shoulder. She remembered how Glenn welcomed Tara into the group with open arms after she had been on the side of the Governor and felt her father's words tugging at her heart strings. "It matters."

"Food poisoning," Rick stated as a possible alternative.

"We're going to find out."

"If it is..."

"Then we'll have a completely different discussion," Maggie concluded. She looked at him, "What would Michonne think?"

Rick looked her in the eye and went with his first thought, though he wasn't one hundred percent certain. "Michonne would put that sword straight through his chest." He sighed through his nose, "But I think she deserves to voice her own opinion."

"Well... I'd like to hear it," Maggie told him.

He nodded and went to leave.

"Rick..." Maggie called him back. "Bring Daryl, Carol and Morgan too."


	95. Nevermore

Maggie didn't particularly want to envision herself as the leader of a team of jurors, but that was exactly as it felt when she finally met up with Rick and the others that night. The darkness, the small fire they sat around and the otherwise still nature of the world around them made the moment feel almost poetic in an Edgar Allan Poe type of way.

 _Nevermore:_ the word popped into Maggie's head as her thoughts swarmed as she silently quoted "The Raven". The word set off a series of daydreams and ironic thoughts. Nevermore would she see Glenn. Nevermore would their world be the same. Nevermore, nevermore, nevermore...

"Maggie," Michonne's voice snapped her back to reality and Maggie's eyes widened. She took a deep breath and relaxed her posture when she completely came to. "Our view are all over the place with this issue."

"I understand," she said back with a nod. "To be quite honest I don't know where I stand fully." Maggie's eyes shifted to Carol, who appeared to be having just as difficult a time with her views

"What?" Carol asked.

"What do you think Carol?" Rick asked.

She whipped her head in his direction and felt Morgan's eyes on her.

"Let me talk to him," Morgan offered.

Carol looked to Morgan. "You think this man can be reformed or forgiven for what he's done?"

"Man ain't gonna change," Daryl grumbled quietly.

"I know what he did-" Morgan began, but Carol interrupted.

"He's not you Morgan," she reminded him. "He needs..." Carol took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to meet Rick's. "We need to kill him."

"Michonne?" Rick asked.

All eyes were on her and she remained stern without saying anything for a moment. "I don't know," she said finally. "We could lock him up..."

"He got away last time," Carol reminded them.

"We could do it better this time around," Morgan added.

"And what... waste food and other supplies on him?"

"Will his child really be better with him in her life?" Michonne asked aloud to no one in particular.

"Is that really for us to decide?" Maggie asked.

"Well you wanted us all to meet here tonight," Carol reminded her, "So as of right now... yeah... I'd say it is."

"I don't believe in making no kid an orphan," Daryl chimed in, "I say let him live... but throw him back in that cell. Let him die there."

Michonne turned to Maggie, who appeared the most apprehensive. "You're not fully on board," she caught on. "Why? What he did to Glenn-"

"It's not about Negan," Maggie said. "I'm having a hard time deciding... he has a baby daughter... another child on the way."

Carol and Morgan turned to stare at her more directly.

"What are you talking about?" Carol asked.

Michonne turned to Rick who shrugged and motioned back to Maggie.

"We can't kill this man." Morgan shook his head. "Nah... no we can't do this." He looked around. "If Maggie is on board with that notion then why can't the rest of you be?"

"Because he's a danger to all of us," Rick explained. "And some times can't be forgiven."

"Look I'm not saying to let him wander around town... or have dinner with us... pretend like it never happened." Morgan looked at Rick in the eye. "I'm saying we give him a sanitary cell... livable treatment but locked away under our surveillance."

"I didn't get no sanitary cell," Daryl reminded them.

The group went silence and the six of them sat around the fire just as puzzled for an answer as when they had arrived. They were all leaders in their own right with vastly different views and small overlaps of like-thinking.

"We need to come up with a consensus," Maggie said finally. She looked at Rick. "Hopefully tonight."

"Every part of me wants to kill that son of a bitch," Michonne explained. "And if it weren't for those babies I'd be all for it." She looked at Rick. "But my vote is a prison cell... for life." Her eyes shifted around the group to get the initial reactions of her family.

Maggie's eyes scanned the group next. "Okay then... let's vote."

...

Alexandra sat at the kitchen table sleeping with her head down on the table. When Maggie entered the building she sat up and then appeared a combination of nervous, startled and disoriented when she recognized her surroundings.

 _Why am I down here?_ she wondered.

"Hi Alex." Maggie managed a solemn closed-mouth smile but quickly let it fade. "Why don't you come upstairs while I... tell Negan and you what we're thinking of doing."

Alexandra studied her expression a moment as she urged her to join her. "What did you decide?" she asked.

The way Maggie looked at her made Alexandra feel weak all over. She was sure there were only two options and while one was far more tragic than the other, neither were happy endings.

Maggie walked toward the stairs with Alexandra closely at her heels. Neither of them spoke, and the walk to the second floor felt like it lasted for days.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, Alexandra assumed. Negan was in the hands of the people who hated him the most, so the small amount of hope that she held with regard to his freedom slowly diminished with each step.

Alexandra took a deep breath once they arrived to the door and when Maggie's hand lifted to push it open she reached for her, placing a hand on her forearm.

"Wait," she said, swallowing hard.

"What?" Maggie asked.

"Before you make this call for sure, whatever it is..." she took a deep breath and hesitated, "Maggie... I'm..." Before she could finish the sentence the weight of their hands pushing against the door made it slowly squeak open.

Simultaneously Maggie and Alexandra turned their heads. The door gave only a peek into the room but Alexandra pushed it open and then stood still and open-mouthed for a moment. Beside her, she felt Maggie standing still as a statue.

"Wh-wh... where... where is he?" Alexandra swallowed hard and turned to Maggie. "Where's Negan?" She knew there was no way he could have escaped in his condition. Alexandra's heart sank with the knowledge that something was terribly wrong.

Maggie's shocked expression gave away her own disbelief. All she could do was shake her head.

Alexandra ran to the bed where Negan had been sleeping, noting the metal arm on the side of it where he had been handcuffed was missing. There was blood streaked in little streaks and droplets around the room and in the corner of the room Alexandra noticed Randy slumped down on the ground, knocked out from an apparent head wound.

"Randy..." she ran to him and shook him, prompting him to stir a bit and moan. "Randy are you okay?" Alexandra put a hand on his face and Maggie darted out of the room to find the others or figure out what was going on.

Alexandra didn't bother to chase her, as she suspected Maggie had no idea what had happened in that room, leaving it to look like the scene in an 80's slasher movie. "Randy, are you okay?" she repeated.

Randy's eyes still flickered a bit but he managed to focus on her. "I was hit from behind." He shook his head. "Fuckin' serious hit to the head."

"Who was it?" Alexandra asked frantically.

Randy closed his eyes again and put a hand on his head and then studied his fingertips that were saturated in a thick layer of blood.

"Is he dead?" she asked.

He sighed and leaned against the wall, sitting himself up. "It was the kid."

"The kid..." Alexandra's eyes lit up and she felt terrified at the thought. "Carl?"

"Yeah... I think so."

Alexandra looked him in the eye with the only question she had and asked him again. "Is Negan dead Randy?"


	96. Vengeance

The night was quiet and a steady rain began to pour, pelting against the leaves and tree branches in the woods that bordered The Hilltop. Carl held the barrel end of a rifle pressed against Negan's back as they walked through a trail away from the community.

Negan knew he wouldn't be able to make it very far in his condition. He felt himself weakening by the minute and could barely see through the one eye that wasn't swollen shut. The metal bar attached to the dangling end of the handcuffs that had previously bound him to the hospital bed felt like a one-hundred pound weight that was dragging him farther down. From his injuries, he found it difficult to breath and tried to rest on several occasions prompting Carl to jam the gun harder against the center of his back.

"Walk," the young man instructed, squinting through the rain as they went.

"Kid... whatever you're going to fuckin' do..." Negan swallowed hard and let out the deepest breath he could manage, "Fuckin' do it already." He didn't want to die, but for the first time in his life he felt like it was inevitable. Even the slash to the throat from Rick awhile back hadn't left him feeling so defeated. There had been no time to think when he had been attacked that time. Now, he felt every inch of his body preparing for that ultimate moment.

"Not yet," Carl said simply.

Negan struggled, walking shirtless and barefoot through the rain. In the distance he saw the outline of a truck where the woods line ended and a road emerged.

Carl stopped beside it, rain dropping off the front of his hat. He stared at Negan with an emotionless scowl and moved in front of him with the rifle still extended.

"Get in," he urged.

Negan breathed heavy. His entire body felt cold and uncomfortable under a lair of pain. The weight on his arm was starting to ache and he contemplated trying to use it to take a swing at Carl but he couldn't generate the momentum to do so.

Carl stiffened up his posture and gave a light tug on the trigger with his finger. "I'm not going to ask you again."

Negan stared back at him and knew his only alternative to getting in was getting blown away. The look in Carl's eye was not of false confidence or even rage. It was of certainty and years of struggle and survival. Negan knew the boy had it in him and so he set aside his pride and slowly opened the passenger door.

Carl abruptly ducked into the driver's seat and started the engine while keeping the barrel of the gun across his lap so it pointed toward Negan ready to shoot. He put the car into drive and left his right hand on the wheel as they made their way down the dark, empty road.

"Should I put my fuckin' seatbelt on?" Negan joked, despite the situation. He closed his eyes and huffed a deep breath, clutching his side as he did.

Carl didn't reply. He stared straight ahead through the whipping windshield wipers and took several twists and turns down the Virginia back road.

Negan finally broke the dramatic silence. "You know... know one knows where the fuck we are."

"That's the point." He continued to stare ahead at the road.

"You can do it right here," Negan went on. "Plenty of fuckin' woods here where no one would ever fuckin' see me again."

"Why do you want me to?" Carl asked him.

"Shit kid... I don't want you to... but I've kind of fuckin' accepted that you're going to. Fuck, I'm fucked up as it is." He pointed toward his face, "Look at me."

Carl looked over once when Negan began to laugh, only to be silenced by his own injuries.

"We're going somewhere specific," Carl explained.

Negan grinned and leaned his head against the cold, foggy window. "Oh yeah? Where the fuck might that be?"

Carl looked at him for an extra long moment and then looked out the windshield. "You'll know when we get there."

* * *

Sarah put her hands on her knees as she ran through the rain. She kept her hood pulled up over her head and tried to stay under the cover of the trees despite the downpour. Her backpack had begun to weigh her down and her body ached. Of all the things, she hadn't planned for or anticipated a rain storm. They rarely hit Virginia, and when they did she couldn't remember a storm being so fierce.

 _Suck it up_ , she told herself. A part of her started to wish she had been honest with Jack or Vince or Matt. She regretted going on the adventure alone, despite her early stubborn wishes.

For a moment she stopped and waited under a tree, hoping for the torrential rains to die down. If they didn't, she knew she would be in for a long night.

Sarah blew into her hands, sending a breath of smoke into the air and then squinted in the distance when she heard something. It was rushing toward her, a whizzing sound and she ducked when she recognized a car was approaching in the distance.

Headlights glided over the trees and then pavement as it approached. There were no other communities that Sarah was aware of in the area and so she assumed the vehicle belonged to one of Rick's people. It traveled slowly and she almost ducked farther into the trees but stood her ground and watched as it passed before the brake lights flickered. Less than a quarter of a mile up the road the car took a sharp turn down a dirt road on the right hand side.

Sarah took a deep breath and decided there wasn't much to lose. In the distance she could barely make out the tail lights, but she had a clear visual on where it turned. She just hoped she could get close enough to it to identify the person driving and potentially act as a stowaway and hitch an easy ride back to where Alexandra and Negan had been taken.


	97. The Place

"I need keys," Alexandra told Randy. She eyed him intently and felt her hands squeeze into tight fists reactively as her stomach knotted so severely it almost made her sick again. She fought it this time, the anger, fear and determination willing her sickness away.

"Keys." Randy placed a hand on the back of his head again and squinted.

"Car keys. Where are they?"

"Um..." He swallowed hard and looked around.

"Randy please..." Alexandra begged, "Where do they keep them?"

"I've seen Maggie store them in a salad bowl in one of the cabinets downstairs."

"Thank you!" she bolted for the door and felt the world around her was a blur until she began rummaging through the cabinets. "Come on!" Alexandra shuffled around, grabbing a black walkie talkie in the process that sat perched in a charger and then finally found a small collection of keys. Without thinking, she grabbed all of them and then headed out the back door.

 _Cars, cars, cars..._ Her mind was racing as she stopped just a moment to piece together logical thoughts. She knew she had seen them somewhere and it only took a moment for her to place where they were stored.

Alexandra took off running when the light bulb popped on in her mind. She hurried toward the right side of the medical building and stared a small collection of cars. For a moment she froze and looked over her shoulder to make sure no one was in the immediate area. In the distance she saw a figure walking in her direction but she decided to focus on the keys in her hands.

"Dodge..." She recognized the symbol on the black casing around the head of the key and then scanned the backs of the vehicles until she saw an old, beat up Dodge pickup. Without another thought she hopped in, taking a deep breath as she started up the engine.

 _Yes!_ Alexandra knew the road would be long but the initial step had been a success. She heaved the car into reverse and prepared to peel out of the parking space when the passenger door opened abruptly and a man began to climb in.

Alexandra stared at him a moment and then slammed her foot on the gas, sending his body crashing into the frame of the open door with a hard thud. She continued to drive backwards, attempting to get him to fall out but then was forced to stop when the car rapidly neared the big wall that surrounded the perimeter of The Hilltop.

"Hold it!" the man shouted, slamming against the frame again before managing to pull himself into the passenger seat.

"I'm not stopping!" Alexandra screamed, kicking the car into drive now and barreling away at full speed.

"Let me help you," he spoke, putting his hands up. "I don't want that man to die any more than you do."

"Bullshit." She entered the front courtyard of the community.

"I don't," he insisted.

"Tell them to open the gates!" Alexandra looked at the man again when he didn't immediately respond. "Tell them!"

He leaned out the side window and gave a hand signal, prompting the gate's to slowly peel open. Without warning, Alexandra floored it again and the man next to her threw on his seatbelt.

"You'll get us both killed before we get to him," he said.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know."

Alexandra looked at him again, studying his features for just a half-a-second.

"You don't remember me, do you?" he asked, "When you were here awhile back... We didn't speak much. I'm Morgan."

She looked toward either side of his hips. "Weapon on you?"

He shook his head and put his hands up again, grabbing the handle above the window with his right. "Nah..."

"Why?"

"I don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"Kill people."

Alexandra glanced back at him. "Not even the Saviors at the radio building awhile back?"

Morgan looked at her more directly. "I was no part of that. I have a policy and I follow it."

She believed him, despite knowing barely anything about him.

"I believe people can be reformed and forgiven... I was. I believe it for your man there too." He looked through the windshield. "Where are we going Alexandra?"

Alexandra felt something when he called her by her full name. Most people didn't... only Negan typically. "I have to find him."

"They could be anywhere." He tightened his grip on the handle as the car went faster. "Should you really be the one out here... in your condition?"

"My condition?" She didn't give him a chance to explain, "I'm the only one who is going to find him. No one else cares. They all want him dead."

"I don't."

"Well then you might be the only one." Alexandra's eyes scanned the area and then she listened hard when she heard the handheld radio sound off. Rick's voice came through the other end.

"Eugene... point me in the direction."

"That's a negative," Eugene spoke back.

After a brief pause Rick's voice sounded off another time. "Tell me where my son is."

"He gave specific orders not to tell... over."

Morgan looked down at the radio and then back up at Alexandra, who glanced briefly at him before focusing back on the road.

"Eugene... my son is out there with Negan one-on-one... alone."

"Yes, sir, I know that to be true." His voice was robotic as ever, "But I would be a liar if I said I did not support the young man in his plan to execute the man who executed my best friend... over."

"Well if Carl dies," Rick's voice was low and scratchy, "Then his blood is on your hands. And if one of us dies out there looking for him... their blood is on your hands too Eugene."

"Hardly a fair argument."

"But true..." He huffed a breath through the speaker. "Now tell me where he was taking him."

Alexandra drove slower now in an anticipation. Morgan, too, was on the edge of his seat and his eyes never left the radio that sat in between the two of them in the cup holder of the pickup. All felt still for several seconds until Eugene finally responded.

"The place where he did it."

"Specific!" Rick shouted back.

"The place where Negan killed Abraham and Glenn."


	98. Shots Fired

Negan exited the car immediately feeling the stinging pelt of the rain as it thickened around them. He couldn't keep himself from shivering as he attempted to hug his body with his arms. There was the natural fighter in him; the natural survivor and he waited as Carl rounded the vehicle, gun still in hand before mustering up the energy to swing the arm that was still cuffed to the metal bar at him without warning.

Carl's instincts peaked as he saw he shine of the metal whip in his direction and he ducked out of the way, cursing as he did before swinging the gun into the center of Negan's back.

He winced and dropped to his knees, keeping a hand on the hood of the car as he struggled to breath again.

"Don't try that shit again!" Carl ordered, pushing the barrel against the back of his neck. He paused and then quoted Negan. "First one's free... now get up."

Negan couldn't bring himself to move for a moment. He remained slumped over, knuckles white as he tried his hardest to grip the slippery hood of the car to lift himself up.

"Now!" Carl demanded again.

"I'm not fuckin' going anywhere," Negan choked out.

"If you want to keep breathing you will."

Negan swallowed hard, perched up on one knee now as he struggled to see the young man in front of him. "Kid... I can barely fuckin' breath now... so do what you gotta fuckin' do."

"Do you know even know where we are?" Carl asked. He pointed. "Over there... right over there!"

"It's where your fallen comrades took their last fuckin' breaths."

"Where _you_ killed them."

Negan lifted his head slowly and looked at him. "Your people got arrogant... selfish... fuckin' stupid." He spit, wiped his wet hair back out of his eyes and continued. "You killed a fuckin' ton of my people... that was your fuckin' mistake. It's too fuckin' bad too kid... that we all got off on the wrong foot." Negan paused to take a breath and then cleared his throat and continued. "Your dad wasn't a bad fuckin' leader... just got too big for his fuckin' britches... and you... you'll fuckin' be in my shoes one day and then things will click and you'll get it."

"Oh, I get it," Carl assured him. His hands tightened around the rifle. "I get it." He nodded, quickly wiped water droplets away from his eye before standing at attention again with the gun in his hands.

Negan used the strength he had left to pull himself up to his feet. For whatever reason the world all seemed to stand still for a moment. The sound of the rain echoed off the car like a set of drummers in a marching band. Carl appeared frozen, despite the shake he tried to mask that rippled through his body.

"Do it kid," Negan urged. He put his arms out to the sides.

"You know what," Carl spoke. "Get back down... on your knees."

He shook his head. "No."

"I'm not going to ask again."

"My answer would be the fuckin' same anyway," Negan told him. "I won't die on my fuckin' knees... you had your chance to put a bullet in me while I was down there and you fuckin' blew it... surprise, surprise."

Carl cocked the gun back and took a slow, deep breath through his nose. He hesitated, wanting to do what he was about to more than anything but he knew the monumental nature of what would come from the act. The man in front of him wasn't just anybody. He was Negan. This is what Carl hadn't wanted for years now - to have Negan right where he was now. The setting couldn't have been any more perfect. It was the two of them in the woods alone at the place where Glenn and Abraham had died and their lives were thrown into a tailspin. The emotional effects stemming from that night had lived on even since their physical lives had gotten better.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" Negan challenged, "You got the balls to fuckin' do this... so quit wasting time before you let your guard down and I'm forced to fuckin' kill you."

Carl clenched his jaw and raised the gun another inch or two, aiming it directly at his head. "Go to Hell Negan."

A gunshot sounded off into the air and Negan's eyes pressed shut. His fists clenched, the muscles in his upper back tensed as his shoulders jolted upward in a reaction to the noise.

Carl looked down at his shaking hands, and then to Negan who still stood ten or fifteen away. His adrenaline was so high that it took him a minute to realize that he hadn't been the one to shoot the gun.

"Put the gun down asshole!" Sarah emerged from the trees behind where they stood, a pistol extending from her outstretched arm.

Carl and Negan both turned to look at the young girl in equal shock.

"Do it Carl!" she went on, shouting at him as she took a few steps closer.

Carl looked back at the gun in his hands and raised it in Negan's direction again.

Sarah cocked back the pistol and let off another warning shot. "That's two... I'll make sure the third one hits you square in the mother fucking chest."

He squinted into the darkness through the pouring rain and couldn't contain the question when he failed to recognize the young girl dressed in all black. "Who are you?"

"Don't fuckin' worry about it." Sarah wasn't about to explain that she used to live in their community, that they had talked on a number of occasions much to her dismay, or that she was a part of the plan that allowed Negan to escape in the first place. "Now put the gun down."

Carl and Sarah stared intently at one another, neither of them easing up on their weapons. Negan couldn't do much other than watch and wait for what would happen next.


	99. History Repeating

The stare down ensued between Carl and Sarah. Neither of them moved until Carl quickly switched gears and pointed his gun in Sarah's direction.

"What're you going to shoot me?" she asked, still pointing her gun at him.

"I could put one in your arm or your leg if I needed to," he replied, not turning away.

"I'm not so sure I trust your aim."

"Stop..." Negan choked out. "Go get some fuckin' help kid. Get out of here."

"I'm all you've got right now," Sarah replied without looking away from Carl, "So fat chance on that shit."

"Who are you?" Carl asked again. He wondered if the girl could possibly be Negan's daughter.

Sarah smirked, though she wasn't confident that Carl could see her expression in the darkness. "I consider myself ten steps ahead considering you have no idea Carl Grimes."

He clenched his jaw and tightened his finger around the trigger. "If I have to kill you to get to him then so be it. It's been too long."

"I'm a little insulted at how much you are underestimating me."

Carl felt as if his whole body was twitching. A part of him wanted to take the chance and pull the trigger, but he knew he wouldn't wholly feel right about it. He wanted to relish in the feeling after killing Negan and the young girl before him was nothing but a distraction. He didn't think about his next move, he simply acted. Carl darted in Sarah's direction, running toward her at full speed prompting the young girl to fire off a shot. A moment later their bodies collided, sending the two teens sprawling to the ground.

For a second Carl didn't know if he had been hit or not, but quickly realized that the shot had missed and he was now right where he wanted to be.

"Let me go!" Sarah shouted, fighting him off as hard as she could.

Carl wrestled the gun out of her hand and then rose to his feet holding both weapons. "Don't move!" he warned, "Put your backpack down!"

"Fuck off!" she screamed back.

When Carl cocked the gun back and took a step toward her Negan shouted out loud. "Sarah! Put it the fuck down!"

"Sarah..." Carl thought for a moment and vaguely remembered the young girl that had stayed with them for a short time. Before he really had time to process it she charged at him.

"Kid!" Negan called out again, but Carl sidestepped Sarah, sticking his foot out and sending her face first into the muddy ground.

"Go now if you don't want to see this," Carl told her.

Sarah felt a rage build up inside of her with the accompaniment of frustration and failure. Her eyes welded up with tears but she didn't cry. The few that slipped out blended in with the rain and she rose to her feet before rushing to position herself in front of Negan.

He struggled more for deep breaths, but attempted to push her out of the way. "Get the fuck out of here."

"No." Sarah looked at Carl. "If he's going to kill you he's got to kill me first... who's the asshole now Carl?"

"You'll never understand." He raised the gun. "Move!"

"No!"

"Move now!"

Negan grabbed Sarah by the sleeve of her shirt and pushed her out of the way as hard as he could, leaving Carl with enough time to get a shot off. When the bullet went wide Sarah screamed and ran back in front of him.

"Go!" Negan told her.

Carl lined up for another shot, and then slumped a bit when his gaze fixed on headlights over Negan's shoulder. Two cars barreled through the trees, skidding to a halt a few yards away from where the three of them stood.

Rick was the first to emerge, running out of the passinger seat of a car driven by Michonne. Alexandra ran just a step behind him as she barely got the truck into park.

"Carl!" Rick yelled. "Carl, put the gun down."

"No Dad." He shook his head. "No, I'm here to end this."

"Not here."

"Yes here!" Carl gritted his teeth. "This is where it all started."

"Glenn... he wouldn't want it this way."

He looked his father in the eye. "I don't think Abraham would mind one bit."

"This is their site, Carl," Rick explained.

"It's not just about them." Carl eyed Alexandra and pointed one of the two guns in her direction when he sensed she might run in Negan's direction. "It's about all of us. It's about the future."

"Carl-"

"Why won't you let me do this?" he shouted, "Huh? Why! So he can get away again?" Carl shook his head, "No... not this time."

Morgan and Michonne joined the group and Morgan took a few steps in Carl's direction despite the boy's warnings to stay put. "It's over Carl." Morgan shook his head, "This is not the way to solve this."

"Where's Carol?" Carl asked.

"She's back at The Hilltop," Rick informed him.

"Carol would side with me. Carol would understand."

Michonne stepped forward, "Not like this Carl..." she softened her voice. "We're better than this. This isn't you."

"He doesn't deserve to live."

"Carl please," Alexandra began to beg. She was sure her word didn't mean as much as the others did to Carl but she couldn't stand by silently. "Bring him back to your community. We can talk about what to do."

"Talking won't do anything. He killed Glenn and Abraham... in front of all of us... in front of Maggie... Sasha, Rosita..."

"He let you go," she reminded him. "When you snuck in The Sanctuary and killed a few of the men there... he found you and he let you go back to your father. Let him come back to his daughter." Alexandra looked to Sarah. "Come here," she urged.

"No," Sarah said back.

Rick, Morgan and Michonne all exchanged glances. "Who is this child?" Morgan asked.

"Sarah," Carl responded, "She helped him get away too."

"I thought..." Rick shook his head, but noted that it didn't matter; not at that moment. "Carl... don't hurt this girl."

"Then get her out of the way!"

Negan grabbed Sarah again and pushed her harder, sending her stumbling toward the rest of the adults. When she tried to bolt back in front of him Michonne grabbed her to make sure she wouldn't be back in harm's way.

"Stop it!" Sarah shrieked, "Get off of me!" Tears began to crawl down her face now, "Stop! He's going to kill him."

Negan took a deep breath and slumped over the car to maintain his balance. His whole body shook from the rain and his shoulders heaved up and down every time he took a breath.

Alexandra went to make a run to stand in front of him as Sarah had but Morgan grabbed her.

"You can't," he wrapped his arms around her.

"Carl!" Rick shouted again. "We'll settle this at home."

"How'd you even find me?" He gritted his teeth again, "Eugene."

"Morgan let me go," Alexandra begged, "Please let me go." She pushed all of her weight against him to try to break free of his hold.

"This isn't the answer Carl," Morgan shouted, "We can lock him up and talk. It doesn't have to end here... not tonight... not in front of the girl. You know how it feels to witness that. Don't do it to her."

"Please Carl," Alexandra asked again.

"I have to," he told them, "For all of us..." Carl raised the gun higher.

"She's pregnant!" Morgan called out. "You're no better than him if you do this right here... the irony of it all..." He shook his head. "I can't let her run out there in front of a bullet for him."

Negan turned to look at everyone for the first time, finding Alexandra's helpless stare looking back at him.

Carl's expression changed just slightly and he slowly cocked his head in their direction. He looked at the gun in his hands; at his father's stare; at Michonne's horrified eyes that wondered what his next move would be. He knew his family wouldn't see him the same if he killed Negan that night in front of the girl, in front of his pregnant wife. For the first time Carl had a type of epiphany, and the events of the night he first saw Negan ran through his mind like a movie in fast forward.

"Don't make me kill the little future serial killer!" Negan's words echoed. While half of his brain and half of his hardened heart wanted to throw it right back in Negan's face to show him how much the tables had turned, the other part of him didn't want to become what Negan thought of him. He knew that would mean he still won in some sense.

"Carl..." Michonne's voice snapped him out of the daze. "Let's go back... all of us."

He swallowed hard, not wholly recognizing at first how much of a toll the whole plot to kill Negan had taken on him. If it was meant to be, he told himself, maybe it would have happened already. Maybe he wouldn't have been distracted so many times. Maybe he would have just taken him to the first secluded spot he could find and put a gun to his head. Carl had romanticized the idea so greatly in his mind that when it actually came down to killing him, he was realizing now that maybe he couldn't do it.

"Carl... Carl... Carl..." His name was thrown out there over and over again like a menacing chorus that attacked his eardrums even over the sound of the ran that continued to pelt down heavy on the cars. He felt like he was going insane.

The next thirty seconds felt like the world had suddenly been thrown into a spin of slow motion. Rick headed in Carl's direction, mud flying up behind him with every rushed step of his boots. Carl's eyes shifted back to Negan, who stared at him through his good eye. The other was swollen shut so terribly it looked like he had been in the ring with Mike Tyson. It was well before that moment that Carl knew his plan was foiled, and so he decided to get in whatever he could manage and ran toward the car where Negan was slumped over.

Again, Carl heard his name being shouted out loud by the blended voices of those around him. He didn't care who was saying what. Confirming his own suspicions, he didn't take a shot at Negan. Instead, he turned the rifle in his hands as he ran and swung it as hard as he could, connecting with the side of Negan's head, sending him sprawling to the ground below.

The second the rifle crashed into him, all sights and sounds slipped away and Negan's world went black.


	100. Vital Signs

**Thanks for continuing to read and review and as always Happy Walking Dead Sunday :)**

Alexandra broke free from Morgan's loosened grasp and ran toward Negan who laid motionless on the ground. Blood poured from the side of his head that took the hit from Carl, adding to the fresh wounds that covered his face.

Rick pulled Carl away and forced him over to Michonne, who let Sarah go as she ran after Alexandra.

"Negan... Negan..." Alexandra attempted to get him to come-to but he didn't move. She checked his pulse, the medical professional in her willing her to focus despite the chaos and drama that was going on all around her.

"Is he dead?" Sarah asked as Alexandra managed to roll him over onto his back.

"Negan." She held his face in her hands and then put her ear to his mouth to see if he was breathing and then lifted her head to Sarah. "Open the back door to the car." Alexandra struggled but grabbed Negan under his arms and began to drag him toward the vehicle as Sarah followed her instructions.

She was barely holding it together, seeing him go with her so lifelessly. There was nothing Alexandra could do for him where they were. She needed to get him to a place with medical supplies in case he had swelling in his brain or otherwise.

"That's our car!" Carl shouted.

Alexandra focused on her task and tried lifting him into the back seat of the car Carl had been driving with little success. Even with Sarah's help there was no way to get his body up into the vehicle. For several minutes the group watched her struggle until she broke down in tears and began sobbing with Negan in her arms.

The rain seemed to taunt Alexandra as it jabbed at her skin like a swarm of bees. Her body ached. Her heart was heavy and any hope she had was slowly slipping away.

Morgan let out a sigh and took it upon himself to help her. He knew he was getting eyes from Rick, Michonne and Carl but he didn't care. He switched positions with Alexandra, motioning for her to get his feet while he helped her lift his upper body into the back of the car.

Sarah climbed into the back with Negan, resting his head and shoulders on her lap. She waited, struggling to see what was happening outside until the driver's side door opened and shut, leaving just her, Alexandra and Negan in the car together.

Alexandra's hand fiddled over the starter and she was pleased to see that Carl had left the keys in the ignition.

"They're going to let us walk out of here?" Sarah asked, peering out the back window through the rain.

"I'm not sticking around to find out." Alexandra started up the car, dried her eyes and peeled out of the open-wooded area until the tires found the pavement that belonged to the long, main road that Sarah had traveled along to get from The Manor to The Hilltop area.

Before Alexandra could give Sarah a command on what to do or look for, Negan let out a groan and a series of hacking coughs, spewing blood all over the place.

"Alex..." Sarah's voice filled with alarm.

"Make sure he's not going to choke," she told her, holding in the panic in her own voice. Alexandra floored the gas pedal and struggled to see through the rain. "Get him on his side... not the side that his broken ribs are on."

"Which side is that?"

Alexandra saw how wide Sarah's eyes were when they met each other's stare in the rearview mirror. She slowed up a bit and turned to look. "He's okay the way he is." She watched as his bare chest rose and fell several times quickly in a row and then turned to face the road. "Use your hat to stop the bleeding on the side of his head. I don't know how deep the gash is... just ball up the hat and put some pressure on it." Alexandra bit down on her bottom lip when she heard Sarah's whimpers as she did what she was asked.

"Wake up asshole!" Sarah said, beginning to cry as she did. She tugged hard on his ear and then tapped the untouched side of his face.

The way back felt like it took years. Alexandra was too focused to let out all of the emotions that were pent up inside. She knew she needed to get them back safely to The Manor and then she would allow herself to feel something. Even Sarah's cries didn't release the wave of sadness that was buried in her chest. She stayed calm, instructing Sarah to keep talking to Negan, check his breathing, use your first two fingers to check his pulse.

"Start at his Adam's apple and then go up diagonally at a 45 degree angle," she explained, trying to keep both of them focused on a task. "Your top finger should be just barely touching his jaw bone. Give just a tiny amount of pressure... you should find his pulse."

Sarah concentrated, sniffling in and then finally replied. "I found it." She sighed and moved her hand against the center of his chest. "Why can't we just feel his heart?"

Alexandra let out a decompressing sigh and closed her eyes for a brief second. "You can do that too."

"His face looks really bad," she cried, "His eye is... it's completely shut... like really shut."

"Don't think about that." Alexandra sighed, "Have you ever seen a boxing match before? Did your dad ever watch boxing?"

"Not really."

"Well all of those guys have had their eyes swollen shut before... and then they just get back in the ring for the next round. They still fight like that. It's not uncommon. I'll be able to make the swelling go down." Alexandra felt like she was trying to convince herself that what was happening was remotely normal. She knew Negan was in far worse shape than what she was describing but for some reason it gave her a little hope.

Each time the car got silent Alexandra spoke to Sarah. She kept having her check Negan's vitals to distract her and even got her singing a song to pass a minute or two. When the gates of The Manor came into view Alexandra turned to Sarah. "Stay here for one second, okay?"

Sarah nodded and watched as Alexandra parked the car and raised her arms into the air in case Jack or the others were up in the watch tower. "Jack!" she shouted, "Vince! Hello!?"

"Who is it?" a male voice shouted back.

"It's Alex... and Negan... and Sarah!"

"Alex? Hang on!"

She waited as patiently as she could and rushed toward the gates as they slowly opened. Jack emerged, gun in hand and stared at her in disbelief. "You're alive..." He raised his eyebrows. "We still have people out looking for you."

"We were captured... Negan and me... Sarah must've come looking for us."

"You're back."

"Negan's in bad shape." Alexandra swallowed hard and looked back toward the car. "Radio to Nancy... I'm going to need everything we got." She shook her head. "It doesn't look good right now."

Jack nodded and immediately got on the radio. "Pull it right up to the building!"

Alexandra nodded back and rejoined them in the car. She drove it in through the gates and thanked Jack with her eyes as he continued to speak into the radio as the car passed.

The surroundings felt surreal, like they had been away for years.

 _I need to see Lucy_. Alexandra felt a wave of guilt pass through her at the thought of their daughter being without her parents. Still, she knew that time would come sooner than later.

Nancy and William were waiting with the door open when Alexandra arrived in front of the medical building.

"My God..." Nancy put a hand over her mouth, "We thought we'd never see you again."

"It's bad Nancy," Alexandra held her tongue despite finally reaching that point where she felt she could break down.

Sarah climbed out the car, prompting another look of surprise from the old woman. She then let her eyes drop to Negan and rushed out the building to help.

"You weren't kidding." William's eyes widened. "I need a stretcher or something. What do we have?" He wondered aloud.

"The cot," Nancy replied. She backtracked and ran into the building, barely managing to wheel the cot through the doorway when she came back.

Matt ran through the rain from his home and slicked his hair back with his hands as he came across the scene in front of the medical building. "Alexandra..."

"Matt, I need help," William told him, "Help me get his body on here." He slammed a hand on the cot that was now soaked from the rain.

"His body?" Matt turned to Alexandra for a minute. "He's... is he?"

"No..." she shook her head, "We just need help getting him out of the car."

Matt's mouth hung open as he studied Negan's condition, and he snapped out of the momentary daze to help. "We came looking for you," he told her, "We-"

"I know," Alexandra told him. "Thank you." She couldn't think of any other words to say. When Negan laid out in front of her on the small bed as rain washed blood from his head to the pillow she finally felt weak in the knees. "Oh God..."

Nancy wrapped her arm over her shoulders and helped her stand. "Let William take the lead on this." She tried forcing Alexandra to look away but she couldn't bring herself too.

"Don't let him die." Alexandra sighed heavily and felt the madness of the situation begin to attack her sanity. "I should be the one to work on him," she went on, "I've done this before. I know what I'm doing. He's my husband. I need to help him. I need to help him..." She took a deep breath after speaking a-mile-a-minute.

"Come inside," Nancy urged as the men managed to get the bed back through the doorway. She then turned to Sarah. "Come on dear. Let's get inside." She wrapped her other arm around Sarah, who caved into her body.

Alexandra rushed behind William and Matt as they began to set Negan up in a room. "He has a collapsed lung," she informed them.

"How do you know?" William asked.

"He was in the hospital at The Hilltop. They broke his ribs and it pierced his lung. He was being treated for that for a few days."

"How did this happen?" the doctor went on, "The rest of it?"

"Rick's son went and took him out of the hospital. I don't know what else he did to him but when I got to where he brought him he was beaten more and bloody... he hit him in the side of the head with the end of a rifle and knocked him out. He's been in and out of consciousness on the ride home; mostly out."

"We're going to get even for this," Matt vowed.

"I don't care right now," Alexandra confessed, "He just needs to live through this."

William turned to her. "I'm going to try," he told her, a look of uncertainty in his eyes. "I'm going to try."


	101. Surreal

Alexandra's clothing clung to her body and she shivered as she watched every move William made when tending to Negan. The end result result... Negan laid with an oxygen mask over his face, a fabricated slice in his side where William had to open an airway, stitched up gashes all over his face and the last of the morphine set up in a drip.

"His temperature his high... heart rate low..." William spoke aloud to whoever was listening.

Alexandra couldn't breathe. She had seen Negan in bad conditions before but this was different.

"Come down the hall and shower," Nancy offered.

The comment reminded her of The Hilltop... of how great it felt to jump in the shower there while Negan recovered. This time, Alexandra refused because she feared leaving him for one second could mean that she never saw him alive again.

"I can't," she replied simply, never looking away from the hospital bed they had transferred him to.

Matt slowly walked up beside her. "Annie is bringing Lucy down here. The rain died down."

Alexandra turned to look at him, thankful for his thoughtfulness and nodded.

He put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to get some dry clothes for you and Sarah."

"Thank you." She took in a deep breath, still shivering as Nancy threw a blanket over Sarah's shoulders first and then found one for Alexandra.

"You all... you must wish you never found us, huh?" Alexandra asked them.

Matt turned as he was about to leave the room. "Why would you think that?"

Tears slid out of the corners of her eyes though she didn't push them away.

"We need people like you to build this community up," he assured her, "And Lucy... she's the future of us... just like Christopher is. Without you two those men who broke in here may have killed people. Negan provides protection for us. Medical staff are hard to come by... you're both members of this community." He sighed and squeezed her shoulder when she didn't respond. "I'll go get some dry clothes."

Alexandra put a hand on her forehead and closed her eyes. She didn't want to stand, but she couldn't move from the spot she was in to contemplate finding a seat somewhere in the room. The strength she had struggled to provide for Sarah and Negan on the ride down was slowly draining from her body being replaced by a collection of terrible thoughts that only made her feel worse.

"Sit down dear." Nancy walked over from where she sat with her arms around Sarah.

"I can't...I..." Alexandra shook her head, opening her eyes to look at Negan again.

The main door opened and closed. Annie arrived a moment later, greeting Alexandra with a big hug and Lucy in her arms. In her opposite hand were two Tupperware containers.

Alexandra suddenly felt a jolt of life when Lucy was passed into her arms. She glanced around the room and sat in an over-sized chair with the child in her lap. "Hey Lucy." She managed a smile and raised her eyebrows when both her daughter's hands came clapping down on either side of her face. Lucy proceeded to rattle of a mumbled sentence, pointing her finger at Alexandra complete with a dimple-infused grin. "What are you telling me?" she spoke quietly, in a soothing manner and then hugged her tiny body against her.

"Here." Annie placed one of the containers down next to Alexandra. "It's soup... still warm." She made her way over to Sarah next who detached herself from Nancy for a moment to sit with her legs folded on the bed opposite Negan. "There's more."

"Thank you Annie," Alexandra said, "That's really nice of you." She cleared her throat and exchanged glances with the two women, "And thank you for looking after her."

"Of course," Annie said with a nod.

"She's precious," Nancy added.

"Got her Daddy's dimples." Alexandra took a deep breath and looked into Lucy's eyes. She pushed her thin dark hair back away from her eyes and then kissed her forehead.

"She's going to have a sister... right?" Sarah asked. She blew on the yellow liquid on her spoon and then took a bite.

Nancy and Annie looked at Alexandra, immediately focusing in on her stomach.

"No... I don't know." Alexandra shook her head. "The doctor's at The Hilltop..." she shrugged, "They all thought... " Another deep breath left her mouth, "I've been getting sick. And I think the doctor told Maggie... I don't know..."

Nancy looked at Negan, and then to Alexandra. "What do _you_ think?"

"I haven't had time to even think about it... or consider it." She shook her head. "God, I was lucky to survive the first time around without any problems."

Nancy looked at her with sympathetic eyes. "We should try to find out."

"That's the... least of my concerns right now." Alexandra took a deep breath and switched her gaze back to Negan.

"You should at least get your body temperature up," Nancy informed her, "You know that Alex..." She glanced down at Sarah who was slowly taking bites of her soup. "You too. There's a wash room in the back here. Just get yourselves comfortable... please."

Sarah looked at Alexandra and then Negan and then back to Nancy. "Okay," she agreed. "These wet clothes are starting to kill me."

"Come on." Nancy got up with her. As they exited the room and began to wander down the hallway, Matt reappeared with clothes for both Sarah and Alexandra.

"Are there towels Nancy?" he asked, noting they were heading toward the bathroom.

She nodded once and proceeded on her way behind Sarah.

Matt entered the room where his wife, Alexandra and Negan were and placed the neatly folded clothing down on a chair. "For whenever you're ready." He nodded to Alexandra.

"Thank you." She brushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes and looked at Lucy again, who was reaching for the spoon in her bowl. "That's too hot," she told her, moving it back a few inches. Alexandra looked at Annie for a moment, "I may just get out of these clothes and into the dry ones," she told her.

Annie was already reaching her arms out for Lucy.

"Thanks." Alexandra kept her eyes on Negan as she passed his bed and then grabbed the clothing and wandered down the hallway in search of a vacant room to change.

"Let me know if you need anything," Nancy was calling into the bathroom as she exited.

"Nancy," Sarah's voice came, "I'm sorry I snuck out. I don't know if you believe me... but I felt really bad about it."

"It's okay dear." The old woman smiled to herself and then looked up as Alexandra was attempting to pass by in the narrow corridor. "You should really find out-"

"I know." Alexandra's eyes dropped to the floor and then back to Nancy. She leaned her back against the wall and let the clothing drop from her arms to the ground. Immediately the tears began to flow and she began to sob.

Nancy shut the bathroom door completely so Sarah wouldn't hear anything and then wrapped her arms around her. "It's going to be okay Alex," she assured her, cupping the back of her head in a motherly fashion. "It's going to be okay."


	102. Until You Wake Up

The night felt never ending and each time Alexandra woke up she hoped that more time would have passed. The clock only seemed to skip ahead fifteen minutes each time she sprang up in the tiny bed that she shared with Sarah that night in the room where Negan still laid unconscious.

Several times Lucy awoke and holding her was almost a form of therapy for Alexandra. She soothed her down from a wailing cry and got her back to sleep each time within a half hour. Aside from that she was awoken by nightmares, and William speaking quietly to Nancy as he checked on Negan.

Alexandra took a deep breath and looked at a clock on the wall that read 3:30 am. The room was silent; still and she was please to see that several hours had gone by this time in between her frequent re-awakenings. She looked across the room at Negan for as long as she could, struggling to keep her eyes open and then they finally shut.

The world she was in was replaced with something more peaceful and familiar. The scents, the sounds, the feels... they all felt real.

Alexandra laid in the center of Negan's bed at The Sanctuary tucked neatly under the covers of his lavish room. The pillow smelled of the soap he used to wash his hair and her arm rested across his chest as he laid next to her.

A radio on the nightstand was filled with static, but Dwight's voice rang through the small speaker. "We're all clear out front. No signs of trouble."

"Things are fucking perfect." Negan's voice was scratchy and barely there as he woke up beside her.

Alexandra lifted her eyes to meet his as he turned toward her.

"You really take this medic shit seriously." He gave her a lopsided grin and slung an arm across her midsection.

He had said that to her once before when she stayed over there the first time. She smiled wide at him and touched his face before leaving a kiss on his lips.

"I've got to go now," Negan told her.

"Go where?"

He smiled, kissed her forehead and then tossed the covers up. Like a ghost he was gone and she laid there looking around the room for him, calling out his name. "Negan?" Alexandra threw the covers off of her and looked under the bed. "Negan?"

She glanced around the room, beginning to filter into the world where reality met her dream. The Sanctuary began to fade away and The Manor's medical building returned when Alexandra sat up again.

 _No..._ She thought, disappointed when her surroundings turned out to be true. It was like she had gone from a dream to a nightmare, only the nightmare was real. Alexandra put a hand across her forehead and closed her eyes hard before opening them again. She prayed by some stretch things would be like they were back then - that the two of them could start over, make a truce with Rick's group and live happily ever after, if there was such a thing anymore.

 _I want to go back_ , Alexandra told herself. The impossible nature of the situation made her stomach twist in knots. She felt the burning sensation in her eyes as she tried to fight back tears. _If only we could go back..._

The dream had been far too vivid; too real. Alexandra wasn't sure how long she had been in that false world but it felt like had only been a few seconds. Seconds wasn't long enough. She longed for the way things used to be - for their old surroundings; for bringing Negan his dinner after he arrived home; for their new romance bringing out the flirtatious sides of both of them; for their passionate arguments; for her to take care of his non-life-threatening injuries. She wanted all of it back, and now she could only sit and wait. All she wanted or needed was Negan, and she vowed not to take a moment of their remaining time together for granted.

Alexandra looked toward the ceiling, her eyes traveling far beyond where it stopped. "Please look after him," she spoke quietly to herself, folding her hands over her chest. She didn't know where she stood with religion, but Alexandra believed that _something_ was out there waiting for them when they died. "And please forgive him for his sins."

"Who are you talking to?" Sarah whispered. She looked over at Alexandra with sleepy yes.

"Nobody." She ran a hand over her hair, "Go back to sleep."

"God?"

Alexandra hesitated and gave the most subtle of nods. "Go back to sleep."

Sarah looked at her for an extra second and then rolled back over and slunk under the blankets. Alexandra closed her eyes, visions of The Sanctuary popping into her mind again. She didn't know why even her waking images were so vivid, but she wished she could stop thinking about their old home. It only made her feel worse - like her own mind was throwing in her face what she did not have any longer.

Alexandra looked back at Sarah for a moment and then pushed the blankets away on her side so she could climb out of the bed. She slowly made her way to Negan's side and reached for his hand. "I know I always stayed here with you until you fell asleep," she told him, "But now I'm going to stay here until you wake up." Alexandra wanted more than anything to cuddle in beside him, but she knew it wouldn't be good for his damaged lung. She took a breath and then placed a hand on the side of his face. His vulnerability made her feel weaker than she ever had before. "I love you." Tears dropped onto the sheet that covered him, and she then moved her hand over to the center of his chest.

The warmth that radiated out of him made her feel content for a minute and she closed her eyes, dedicating all of her concentration to feeling the steady thumb of his heart. She almost had a panic attack when she didn't initially hear it, but soon felt the rhythm of his heartbeat against her palm.

Alexandra smiled, glancing at the second hand of the clock as it ticked away for ten seconds while she counted how many times his heart beat in that time frame. "Ten times," she said quietly to herself with a smile.

 _Sixty beats per minute_. Alexandra sighed. _That's normal_. Her fingers clenched against his chest and she placed the other on his face again. The swollen nature of his eyes and the collection of stitches still tugged at her heart and gnawed at the pit of her stomach, though she couldn't deny that his heart rate had climbed into the normal range. However bad it was, that was a small bout of hope.

Alexandra closed her eyes and bowed her head above him. She stood there relishing in the warmth in her hand from his chest and then almost jumped when she felt a hand on top of hers. She reopened her eyes and looked down. Negan's hand grazed hers and his fingers lightly squeezed against the heel of her hand.

She shifted her eyes between his chest and his face. "Negan?" Alexandra squeezed his hand back and interlocked their fingers. "Negan... Negan can you hear me?" She waited, breathing heavy and studied his face. He didn't move or give any indication he could hear her. She swallowed hard and spoke his name again. "Negan!"

Alexandra stood there for several minutes in the silence of the night hoping for another movement or indication that he was conscious but it didn't happen. Five minutes turned to ten... ten turned to twenty and soon Alexandra found her arm sore from standing in the same position with her hand locked with Negan's across his chest. She tried not to be disappointed that it was all that she'd gotten out of him, and so she decided to look at the up side of things. He was breathing. His body was warm. He moved his hand over hers. His heart rate was up.

She ran a hand through his hair and squatted down beside him never unlatching her hand from his and tried to give herself hope as she continued to reminisce on their earlier days. "I'll stay here until you wake up."


	103. Just A Night

The room in the medical building was dark aside from a glow that was attempting to break through from behind a dark curtain that covered the lone window. The door leading to the hallway was only open a few inches and a small unscented candle burned across the room.

Like several times throughout the night Alexandra wasn't sure what was real and what was a dream. The absence of consistent sleep had taken its toll on her and exhaustion sent her mind into a whirling tailspin.

"How long have I been out?"

She heard the words but didn't know whether to respond. Was she dreaming? Was she not?

Alexandra felt a stiff pain in the back of her neck and shoulders. The fingers on her right hand were filled with a tingly pins-and-needles sensation and it ultimately contributed to waking her up that morning. She lifted her head, reaching for her neck with the hand that wasn't linked to Negan's and made a face when she struggled to loosen up all the tightened muscles.

"You awake?"

Alexandra flinched as if someone had just faked throwing something in her direction and then leapt up to her feet despite the aches and pains. She stared at Negan in the bed and didn't attempt to hide the drop in her jaw. "Negan."

"Alexandra." He attempted a grin but only got the very corner of his mouth up.

She lunged down to hug him but stopped herself noting his condition and then gently put her hand against the side of his face and kissed his forehead.

"How long?" Negan asked her.

"How long..." She stared at him in disbelief again.

"How long have I been here? How long have I been out?"

"Just a night." Alexandra smiled wide and felt like she could cry at the same time. "We all came in together last night."

"Just a night?" He sighed. "Fuck..."

She laughed lightly and knew tears were starting to trickle down her face.

Negan looked at her as directly as he could. "Toughen the fuck up," he joked, "It's only been a night."

"A long... long night."

"My girls fuckin' came through again." He raised his arm and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. "Where's Sarah? She alright?"

Alexandra dried her eyes, continuing to smile. She looked over her shoulder where Sarah was still sleeping in the bed. "She's fine. She was up half the night too."

"Lucy..."

"She's been asleep for a little while." She smiled and rose to go get her but he called her back.

"Don't." Negan swallowed hard and struggled when taking in a deep breath. He winced and clenched his jaw before letting the breath out slowly. "Let her fuckin' sleep."

Alexandra looked at him and shook her head in disbelief. "You're going to be alright."

"It don't fuckin' feel that way but I'll take your word for it."

"Have I ever lied to you?"

Negan never broke eye contact. "No." He paused, "How did we get back here?"

"Carl knocked you out with the gun... Morgan helped me get you into one of the car's and then Sarah and I left with you and came back here."

"They let you leave?"

Alexandra nodded. "I wasn't about to ask questions. I just left and then William and Nancy saved your life."

"So did you." He turned toward the other bed, "And that crazy girl over there."

She snickered and shook her head, looking at Sarah who let in a series of sleepy deep breaths through an open mouth. "She's one of a kind."

"The kid has more guts than most of the men I've known over the years." Negan swallowed hard again and then let out a deep sigh, tailing it off with a groan. "I'm in fuckin' pain doll."

"I'll get you something for that." Alexandra nodded and was about to leave he room but she stopped and looked at him a moment before leaning down to touch her lips to his.

Negan's eyes slowly closed and he managed to kiss her back.

"I'm never leaving these walls again," she told him. "This was all because of me."

"Stop."

"It is."

"This is going to turn into a fuckin' argument... and I don't have the strength for that." Negan grinned briefly and then let it fade. "So I win, you lose... now go get me something to dull the pain doc." When she stared down at him with a closed-mouth smile he chuckled. "Please."

Alexandra shook her head, continuing to grin down at him. "I love you."

"I love you too." Negan sighed and she could tell he was struggling to breath regularly.

"You might be part cat... nine lives."

"I'm a fuckin' lion honey."

Alexandra smiled wider. "Even in that hospital gown you can still make me swoon."

"I'd wink at ya to seal the deal but with my eye swollen shut you might think I'm just fuckin' falling asleep."

She laughed and pushed his hair back away from his forehead before kissing him again. "Doctor's orders... you're not getting out of this bed until I say so... not one day early, not one hour early... Got it?" Alexandra pointed a finger at him and waited for him to reply.

"Keep talking like that..." Negan gave a subtle nod with a smirk, "And my heart rate may shoot through the roof."

"I better go get your meds then." She went to walk out of the room.

"Alexandra..." he sighed again when she turned around. "Thanks."

Alexandra nodded and headed out into the hallway feeling more tears of joy begin to stream down her face. She stood still for a moment when she had a second to process it all on her own. The night before and the days leading up to it had been pure hell... but she was sure that was over for now. Negan was alive. They were back at The Manor. The two of them and Sarah were reunited with Lucy. Everyone was under the care of the medical staff. All in all, the heavy stuff was out of the way.

She thought next about the other issue at hand, not knowing if it was a good or a bad thing. Alexandra didn't know for sure that she was pregnant, but the sickness she had been experiencing left her considering it a real possibility. Regardless of all of the negatives that could come from it, the positives greatly outweighed them. Lucy was living proof of that. And so, once Negan was more stable, Alexandra knew she had to find out for sure what was going on and then feed him the information. For now... she was simply interested in giving him his pain medication, taking a shower and getting some sleep.


	104. A Blessing

When Alexandra awoke in the medical building later that night she felt just as tired as when she fell asleep early in the afternoon, though this time there was a comfortable, refreshing sensation that accompanied it. Hearing Negan's voice as he grumbled something to Nancy let her know that everything was alright.

She sat up and glanced around the room, pleasantly surprised to see Sarah sitting in a rocking chair that hadn't been there before with Lucy in her lap. Nancy abruptly re-entered the room upon fetching something for Negan and then pointed toward a nightstand in between the beds, "There's some water for you there dear."

Alexandra cleared her throat. "Thank you." She instinctively reached for her throat and recognized her dehydration for the first time before grabbing the glass and taking a long swig that ended with a sigh.

"Alexandra." Negan turned his head just slightly in her direction and she quickly rose to her feet.

"How are you feeling?" she put a hand on his forehead, relieved that he didn't appear to have a temperature.

"Fuckin' terrible," he explained.

"I'm sorry." She ran her hand through his hair and down his face. "It'll get better... I promise."

"These doctors fuckin' suck." The tone of his voice, no matter how tired and gravelly rang with a hint of banter that made Nancy glance over her shoulder as she made her way over toward Sarah and Lucy.

"Mr. Negan," she spoke curtly, "Need I remind you that for the time being I'm in the position of power over you... so it would be wise to watch what comes out of the filthy mouth of yours." Nancy ended the sentence with the smallest of smiles and then turned back to the children.

"Dr. Nancy..." Negan took a deep breath, purposely mocking her word choice, "Need I fuckin' remind you that I am easily aroused by assertive women... so unless you intend to service me in other ways, I suggest you watch _your_ mouth."

Sarah made a face. "Eww."

Alexandra opened her mouth to speak but could only manage an embarrassed chuckle and looked at Nancy. "It's the meds talking," she assured her.

"Oh, I'm not so sure it is," the old woman laughed, making Alexandra laugh with her a little harder.

"It's not," Negan confirmed.

Nancy wandered over toward the hospital bed and gave him a light pat on the chest. "You wish," she whispered and then looked to Alexandra, "Off topic... but can I speak with you out in the hallway?"

"Don't tell her the truth about us Nancy," Negan said, twisting his mouth into a grin as he sighed and closed his eyes.

Alexandra would have laughed but she sensed Nancy had something serious to tell her and she hoped it was nothing negative about Negan's condition. "I'll be right back," she assured him.

"Take your sweet ass fuckin' time." He looked to Sarah, "Come here kid. Bring the little one with you."

Nancy walked ahead of Alexandra out the door and down the hall a ways until they stood outside of the bathroom.

"Is everything alright?" she asked quietly. "With Negan?"

Nancy's eyebrows pressed together in confusion and then her face brightened up a bit right after. "Oh... yes. It's nothing bad. Aside from how grumpy he's been with me waking him up every hour to check on his concussion symptoms, he seems to be doing just fine."

"Okay... so..." Alexandra could barely stand the anticipation. Everything in her mind was elevated at the moment due to the extreme magnitude that her world had been dealing with as of late.

Nancy reached into the pocket of the sweater she was wearing and handed Alexandra a small, white box.

"What's this?" she asked.

"We have about twenty of them, believe it or not." She smiled, "One of the things we believe in here is procreation and preserving the human race, and therefore there needs to be a quick, easy way to get some answers when those rare times arise."

Alexandra's eye squinted and she looked down at the small box in her hands.

"It's a test dear," Nancy told her.

"Oh Jesus..." She huffed a laugh. "And to think the first time I couldn't wait to find out."

"What's the issue the second time around?"

Alexandra stared into Nancy's wide, waiting eyes. "I... I don't know."

"It's the same thing, same risks involved..." She shrugged.

"But it's _another_ person to have to look after."

"Another member of your blood line, too," Nancy reminded her.

"That was Negan's big thing the first time around," Alexandra explained, "He wanted to leave his legacy so he said." She shook her head and looked down again at the box in her hands. "I don't know if I'm ready to go through this again. I was terrified the first time that I might need a C-Section and what then?"

"Same risks as the first time around," Nancy reminded her, "Forgive me if you don't feel the same but I hope you are going to have another one. Every time I see Christopher and Lucy it leaves me hope that long after I go humans will still be around rebuilding this world that seemed so hopeless at one time."

Alexandra sighed. "You have quite a way of putting it." She raised her eyebrows. "I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."

"A blessing," Nancy reminded her again. "Nothing else."

She smiled, "We'll see if Negan thinks the same thing." Alexandra raised her eyebrows, "But after what just happened... any news is good news, right?"

The two of them stood there in the hallway for a moment until Negan's voice broke the silence.

"Nancy!" he called, "This pain is fuckin'... I need some shit to get rid of it."

Alexandra held back a laugh but put her hand over her mouth and gave Nancy a guilty expression. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Go... go..." she waved her hands and pointed toward the bathroom door. "Maybe you'll have news that'll take his mind off the pain... then he won't be sending me on opiate runs constantly."

Alexandra chuckled again and then took a deep breath. She removed the test from the box and nodded. "Thank you Nancy."

The old woman smiled and nodded before heading back down the hallway toward Negan's room.


	105. Unfinished Business

Sarah gently rested Lucy next to Negan on her back so she was neatly tucked against his side.

"Thanks kid," he said, taking in a deep breath through his nose.

Lucy scrambled to switch positions, rolling off of her back, onto her side and pushing her tiny hand off of her father's chest to face him more directly.

"What?" Negan asked, leaving his mouth open and dabbing his finger on her nose.

She giggled and placed her head down hard against the top of his shoulder so her forehead was buried into his collarbone.

Negan smiled, putting a hand on her back as she moved around just a little to get comfortable. "I'm going to raise you to be a tough little soldier," he told her, eyeing Sarah for a moment. "Just like that one." He pointed with his other hand making her grin.

"I can't believe I cried in front of that asshole Carl," Sarah said, shaking her head.

"Fuck 'em." Negan smiled wide, making her chuckle.

"I think that might be Lucy's second word."

"I don't think Alexandra would like that very much."

The two of them shared a laugh and she rounded into the room.

"What would I like very much?" she raised her eyebrows in an accusing fashion and Sarah rose to her feet.

"That's my cue." She went to head out of the room.

"Where the hell are you going?" Negan asked.

Sarah thought for a minute and tapped her chin with her pointer finger. "Unfinished business."

"I don't like the fuckin' sound of that."

"Me either," Alexandra agreed.

"Oh... I won't be leaving the walls... don't worry." She put a hand up in the air, "Promise. Those couple days on the road were pure fuckin' hell."

Before Alexandra could attempt to tell her to watch her mouth or Negan could get out a laugh, Sarah was out the door and down the hall.

Alexandra looked at Negan for a long moment until he finally let out a snicker.

"Don't fuckin' try to yell at me because that kid cusses like a sailor."

"Cusses like a savior I think is more accurate."

Negan grinned. "I am who I am doll. And there ain't no turning back for Sarah's repertoire of curse words now."

She smiled when Lucy's hand drifted up, latching onto Negan's ear. She turned her head just slightly so she was looking in Alexandra's direction and laid still.

"She looks like you, ya know," she told him.

"I thought she had a few of Randy's features but..." A smile slowly spread on Negan's face when Alexandra began to shake her head. "Okay you can fuckin' yell at me for that one."

"No... no I'll let it slide considering your condition." She sighed and smiled, and then looked over her shoulder toward the doorway for a second.

"What about yours?" He asked.

"What about my what?" Alexandra turned back to him and raised her eyebrows.

"See... shit's still a little fuckin' foggy in my mind from the other night..." Negan claimed, clearing his throat "But Morgan... that's his name right?"

She nodded, feeling her stomach begin to knot up.

"Yeah... he said some shit-"

"I'm pregnant Negan." Alexandra just said it, not wanting to beat around the bush about it. She knew what he had been about to say about Morgan.

He didn't immediately respond but looked down at Lucy who had since fallen asleep and then let out a short, quiet laugh.

She took his moment of silence as the opportunity to raise the hand that held the confirmation. "I... just found out for sure."

"Fuck me..." Negan laughed again and then squinted playfully, "It mine?"

Alexandra's mouth dropped open and she hit his foot with her hand, making him laugh harder. The two of them stared at one another - Negan with a wide grin and Alexandra struggling to appear 'fake-mad' as she fought off a smile. When neither of them said anything he began to laugh some more.

"You didn't answer the question honey," he teased.

"If you weren't holding Lucy and if _that_ whole side of your body wasn't broken..." she motioned with her hand, and then smiled when he continued to grin. "Can you say something?"

"Like what?"

"Like... how do you feel about... that." Alexandra took a deep breath, "I mean I could probably cry right now but I don't think I have anything left."

Negan waved her to him. "Come over to my bad side." He smirked, "I'll need more fuckin' pain meds if this one wakes up crying in my ear."

She slunk around the bed and sat on the very edge next to him so she wouldn't bump against his broken ribs. Negan slid his arm around her waist. For a second he just looked at her and then finally chuckled again. "I think... as long as we got someone who knows what the fuck they're doing... and that you'll be okay when all's said and done..."

"I will be." The thought worried Alexandra just as much but she had confidence after giving birth to Lucy.

"If you'll be okay," Negan went on, "Then I think it's fuckin'... cool."

Alexandra smiled from his word choice and then leaned down and kissed him. "Maybe you'll get a son this time."

He looked at Lucy and then back to Alexandra. "I happen to like the way my girls fuckin' take care of me..." Negan smiled again.

Nancy entered the room with some soup, a glass of water and two white pills. She placed the soup down on the nightstand and extended her hand that held the medication. "Here you go."

Alexandra grinned, already knowing from the look on Negan's face that he was about to tease the old woman.

"How long you been standin' outside the fuckin' door?"

"I don't know what you mean." Nancy fluffed the pillow behind his head. "Sit up a bit so you don't choke when you take the pills." She turned toward Alexandra just slightly and gave a wink, making her laugh lightly.

"Nosy old lady, ya know that?" Negan nodded to the best of his ability and smirked as he stared at her.

"And you're a stubborn, sassy man with a foul mouth."

Alexandra laughed again when the word 'sassy' came out of her mouth.

Negan grinned and then bowed out, accepting the loss of wits with Nancy. "Will you be able to do it here?" he asked her, getting slightly more serious in his tone. "Deliver it."

Nancy raised her eyebrows, caught off guard just a bit. "The baby... well Christopher was delivered here." She smiled and looked at Alexandra. "I have the utmost confidence in our limited staff."

Alexandra smiled back and reached for Nancy's hand. "Thanks Nancy."

Negan kept his stare on the doctor and then turned back to Alexandra.

"It'll be okay," she assured him, already seeing the potential scenarios spinning through his mind.

"I know." He nodded and motioned to Nancy, "We have Dr. Nosy here to take care of you."

"I'll consider that a term of endearment." She grinned and looked at the two of them. "Well... I'll leave you alone... I have to put supper on for Sarah."

"Good luck finding her," Negan replied.

Nancy grinned and raised her eyebrows as she turned to go. "Oh, I have a good idea of where she might be."


	106. The Hero Gets The Guy

Sarah sometimes wondered why she didn't feel nervous a lot. As a kid she had vague memories of being fresh toward her parents and getting herself into some mild trouble as a younger girl; but she never really held that fear of consequences. Since that world had been replaced with the one they were in now, things hadn't changed.

 _You would think I would be more scared_ , Sarah thought to herself as she walked down the road.

The truth was, she had been terrified to lose Negan and Alexandra. They were like the fun aunt and uncle who let you get away with just a little more than your own parents. Sarah admired Negan's toughness and was drawn to how blunt he was about everything. It was something they had in common and it didn't hurt that he let her get away with swearing and doing some of the things she wasn't supposed to.

Alexandra was more grounded, and now that Sarah had gotten a little older she could see how much of a difference she made in Negan's life. Sarah remembered how cold and ruthless he had once been in the way he carried himself. Since Alexandra had come into his life he tended to the more human, humorous side that rarely showed up before aside from the times he found it funny that someone besides himself was getting the shit end of the stick on something. She had to admit, she liked Negan a whole lot more than she did before Alexandra had come into his life. She made him better.

Sarah was young, but she was forced to grow up a little faster with the circumstances of the world. She understood things more, she thought about things she hadn't thought of before. Now that they were domesticated, so to speak, there was enough downtime for her to appreciate that there was more going on in the world besides walkers and killing and stealing.

As she wandered down the road she heard a basketball bouncing and Sarah took a deep breath when she rounded the corner.

"You're not following through all the way," she shouted.

Eric whipped his head around, grabbing the basketball and twisted the baseball hat he wore around so it was backwards. First he gave her a look and then he grinned. "Like you could do any better."

"I could."

He bounced the ball in her direction and Sarah caught it. She studied the lines on the Wilson basketball for a minute and then dribbled it a few times before taking a shot. The ball bounced off the backboard and in, leaving Sarah grinning.

"Gee... could you get _any_ closer," Eric teased. He retrieved the ball and passed it to her again.

"Fine." Sarah grinned and quickly tossed her hair up into a higher ponytail. "Pick a spot."

He eyed the pavement for a moment and then pointed to an area over on his side of the hoop. "Over here."

She dribbled over, spun the ball in her hands and launched another shot. This time, the ball took a high bounce off the rim, hit the backboard and bounced away.

"Ohhhh..." Eric ran and grabbed it, looking over his shoulder with a chuckle as he did. He dribbled the ball between his legs, stepped back and sunk a deep a shot before cocking his head to the side. "Got ya."

Sarah smiled and got the rebound before passing it back out to him. Before Eric took his next shot he stopped and looked at her for a moment. "Did you really save them?"

"Huh?"

Eric dribbled the ball a few more times and shot it lazily, missing this time as he did. "Negan and Alex. People are saying you went out and saved them."

"I'm a local hero," she teased, flipping her ponytail with her hair and laughed, but Eric grew more serious.

"That's... that's like some badass shit," he told her, smirking eventually when he saw how her serious expression turned to match his.

Sarah took a deep breath and then smiled back. "Well..." She sighed, unable to find the right words. With Negan or someone else she would have shot a smartass comment back, or had something witty to say; but with Eric standing there complementing her she felt tongue-tied and stuck.

He chuckled again and looked up at the hoop. "Layup?"

"Sure." Sarah gave a bounce pass as he ran in, scooped it up and made the layup before retrieving it himself.

Eric sighed and smiled, holding the ball under his arm.

Sarah stared at him a moment and she felt something she wasn't used to - her nerves. She was never nervous. For days she had wandered the walker-infested streets in pursuit of Negan and Alexandra knowing Rick's group was out there to try to capture them. She faced off against a gun-wielding Carl and was prepared to stand in front of the people she considered her family now to risk her own life to save theirs. Standing under the basketball hoop with Eric made her stomach feel weak, her knees feel weaker and her quick wit abandon her.

 _How is that possible?_ She wondered. For a second she almost thought she asked the question aloud but sighed with relief when it registered that she didn't.

"What?" Eric finally asked with a chuckle when he recognized she was staring at him for an extended amount of time.

"What what?"

"I don't know." He creased his eyebrows together and turned the basketball in his hands several times before blurting out the words. "Can I kiss you?"

Sarah felt still like a statue. She wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel, but her arms and legs felt heavier than they had the second before and as bad as she wanted to speak she couldn't get out a single word.

 _Oh my God, I like him and he wants to kiss me... what do I do?_

She suddenly wished she'd had more conversations with Alexandra about this type of thing. They'd only had the one real conversation back at the little cabin they'd lived in for the short time before finding The Manor.

"Sorry," Eric said when she didn't reply. "That was dumb... that was just, like..." He began to shake his head and then Sarah's brain finally began to work.

"Yes," she said. "Yes... yeah... you can. That's okay."

 _What the hell am I saying?_ Sarah asked herself. She hated how ridiculous she must have sounded. _Wait... how do I even do this?_

"Okay..." Eric shrugged and looked around the vacant street. "Cool." He managed a nervous smile and then leaned his face in toward hers a couple of inches, squinting his eyes but not closing them.

Sarah swallowed hard, feeling like the act was taking a year to complete. She decided to meet him halfway and sighed nervously just before his lips touched hers. Her eyes closed and she heard the basketball drop out of Eric's hand as it hit the pavement before she finally pulled back at the same time he did.

Eric raised his eyebrows and Sarah looked at his hand that he'd placed on her shoulder. He gave a shy, closed-mouth smile and backed away.

"That was... cool." He snickered and backed away a bit, looking down the road to break the awkwardness to stare at the ball as it slowly rolled away.

"Yeah..." Sarah nodded and then let out a deeper sighed before laughing nervously.

 _Now you're giggling like a dumb girl._ She hated herself but loved the moment all the same.

Eric put his hands on his hips and nodded. "Yeah... so..."

"So, what do you think?" Sarah raised her eyebrows. She didn't even know what she meant by the question.

He bit down on his bottom lip and smiled. "I think it's pretty cool to kiss a hero."

Sarah laughed, unable to hide how flattered she was by the compliment and then looked around like the starry-eyed girl that had been hiding quietly inside.

"I have to report for dinner," Eric told her. "I think I was supposed to be home like fifteen minutes ago." He shrugged. "Will you be working down at the farm tomorrow?"

She didn't have to think twice, and she knew nobody would mind if she went to work or not. "Yeah... yeah I'll be... around."

He smiled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Cool." Eric shook his head, "I think I've said cool like fifty times."

"It's cool." Sarah replied, making the two of them laugh for a moment.

"So... um... thanks." Eric shook his head again and laughed another time, "Forget I said that... I'm so lame."

"No you're not." Sarah felt all gooey inside and then shrugged. "I will... see you tomorrow then."

"Yep. At the farm."

"Yep."

Eric eyed the basketball again and then gave a wave. "See ya."

"See ya." Sarah watched as he jogged away down the street, looking back to wave again once he retrieved the ball. She wanted to leap in the air or run around in circles in her love-struck daze but went running straight for the medical building with a big smile on her face the entire way.

The second she crossed in through the door she stared at Alexandra with big, wide eyes and a grin from ear to ear.

"What is it?" Alexandra asked, smiling simply because of her expression. She rose from where she sat beside Negan, who eyed her suspiciously.

"Need to talk to _you_." Sarah pointed to Alexandra, making brief eye contact with Negan.

"Okay," she agree with a light laugh. "Where are we going?"

"Anywhere."

"You fuckin' scare me kid," Negan teased.

"We'll be right back," Alexandra told him. "We still have a few things to talk about."

Sarah hurried ahead of Alexandra, towing her to the bathroom and then shut the door behind them.

"What is going on?" she asked again with another laugh.

"Eric." Sarah whisked down and sat on the edge of the tub.

"Eric..."

"He kissed me. He asked. I said yes. We kissed."

Alexandra smiled wide and let out a little laugh. "You like him?"

"Yes." Sarah nodded. "He called me a hero."

She held her arms out to the sides and Sarah stood up and hugged her hard. When they parted Sarah's face dropped when she saw the tears in Alexandra's eyes.

"Why are you crying?" She raised her eyebrows.

Alexandra laughed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and smiled again. "I'm not normally _this_ emotional." She continued to both laugh and cry before pulling Sarah back against her. She ran a hand over the top of her head. "You deserve to be a happy teenage girl. You've done so much Sarah... too much." She continued to hug her hard. "I want happiness and joy and love for you."

"Thanks." Sarah looked up at Alexandra with her own teary eyes as they parted again, "Shit, why do you have to get me going?"

Alexandra laughed and reached for some toilet paper. "I'm sorry," she handed her a wad, "Here."

"Thanks," she repeated, drying her eyes. The two of them laughed with one another again.

"You are such a brave young woman," she said, "It's because of you that Negan is alive and I want you to know that we both love you very much. You're our family and even if he doesn't say it to you, he's said it to me and he thinks you're just as amazing as I do."

Sarah felt the tightness in her throat again and shook her head before letting out a few more tears into the toilet paper. She tore off some more and then took a deep breath. "Stop making me all soft." She grinned.

Alexandra laughed and hugged her again. "I'm happy for you. Just don't let this boy..." She wasn't sure if she wanted to finish the sentence with, 'distract you', 'steer you the wrong way', 'pressure you'...

"I've got a handle on it," Sarah told her with a nod and a grin.

"And by the way... Eric's right."

"About what?"

"You are a hero."

Sarah grinned and shrugged. "You preggo for sure?"

Alexandra snickered and looked at the young girl. "Yep."

She smirked. "Well... it's a good news day for both of us. If you weren't going to have a baby, and I was a little older I'd say the two of us go have a drink."

She laughed a little louder and shook her head. "Don't get ahead of yourself. There'll be plenty of time down the road for that stuff." Alexandra slung an arm over her shoulders and then reached for the door handle. "Are you going to tell Negan about Eric?" she asked quietly.

Sarah let out a chuckle through her nose and gave her a look. "You kidding? He'd fucking shoot him!"

Alexandra began to laugh and shook her head. "I think he'd live but... your secret is safe with me." She smiled as they walked down the hallway. "You better get to Nancy's. She has dinner waiting for you... but come back if you want to talk some more."

She nodded. "Okay."

Alexandra hugged her once more and then watched as she ran out of the medical building before heading back into Negan's room.

"Well..." he stared at her.

"Well..."

"What the fuck was that about?" He grinned at her.

Alexandra shook her head and made like she was zipping her lips. "I'm sworn to secrecy."


	107. We

**I thought it was a good mid-season finale last night. Negan needs his beard back though lol**

Rick connected over and over again with a large wooden logs sending chards of wood up into the air with each blow. The day was hot for the time of year and he used the back of his hand to wipe sweat from his forehead.

Things at Alexandria and The Hilltop alike were edgy and no one had addressed the giant elephant in the room that had been there for nearly a week.

Rick took a deep breath and rested his foot on top of a stump where he had been chopping. He didn't even hear Michonne come up behind him.

"So we aren't going to talk about this?" she asked him, making him turn around abruptly.

Rick set the blade end of the ax down on the ground and placed the heel of his hand against the top. "Which part?" He slowly turned his head to face her.

"I can think of a number of places to start." Michonne put a hand on her hip but looked at him with sympathetic eyes. When Rick didn't immediately respond she took his silence as an opportunity to hit him with something that had been bothering her. "Why didn't you say anything about going to ambush Negan... and his wife?"

"I didn't go there for his wife," Rick claimed, "I didn't even know Carl was-"

"I know that," Michonne cut him off, "But you did go there for Negan.. without telling me. I thought we agreed that each decision would be ours... together."

"He..." Rick shook his head, "He's gotten away with so much."

"It didn't hurt me one bit to see him beat up on the ground in the rain," Michonne confessed, "I was kind of hoping that Carl would pull the trigger."

"I don't even know if he's still alive."

"Does it even matter anymore?"

"It matters."

"At what cost?" Michonne sighed. "Carl refuses to talk to me about his decision to kidnap Alex."

Rick looked at her, "He screwed the whole thing up by doing that."

"Oh, so it's okay for you to go rogue and kidnap Negan but I screwed up?" Carl crept up silently behind them and glared at his father.

"Your made a bad decision," his father challenged him. "You had no right-"

"You should have let me kill him." Carl's lip almost looked like it would tremble but it didn't. He gritted his teeth and shook his head.

"You may have," Michonne informed him. "Negan was unconscious when they-"

"When the _left_!" Carl shouted, emphasizing the last word. "We just let them leave... again!"

"She was pregnant Carl," she went on.

"Yeah... so was Maggie!"

"We're not like him," Rick assured him.

"Yes we are! We kill people when we have to. We do it to protect us! The people who matter are behind these walls and at The Hilltop and The Kingdom."

"We will never be like Negan." Michonne shook her head sternly, "I am all for trying to lock him up, and as much as I would love to see him lying in a pool of his own blood it wasn't right the way it was done."

"There is no right way," Carl insisted.

"There is," Rick disagreed. He shook his head and stared at his son more directly. "There is."

"You guys are... suckers." He shook his head and walked away, "It's going to come back to us full circle again... you watch." Carl paused and turned to them again, "We need to end it."

"It may already be over," Michonne reminded him.

Carl stormed back toward them. "If anyone in our group dies by him or his men it's on you." He pointed a finger in their direction and then went on his way, storming off in the distance.

Rick let out a deep breath and then turned to face Michonne. She stared at him for a moment and then approached and leaned an elbow on his shoulder. Rick looked at her. "What do you honestly think we should do?"

The two of them locked eyes and he waited, knowing Michonne wouldn't lie to him. He could see the answer wasn't so simple. There were plenty of gray areas and the only thing that Carl had said that made sense was that the blood would be on their hands if Negan happened to counter attack and kill someone from the community.

"I'm not sure," she confessed, attempting to read his own eyes. "But if I had to choose right this second... I say it's a fight we don't need... not now. When you decide something based on vengeance that's when people get killed. If it was for justice or protection that's different but this... this doesn't feel right. We don't _need_ to hunt down Negan."

"But if he attacks and someone dies that's on us."

"And it's also on us if _we_ are the ones to attack and one of us dies." She shook her head, "When we could have been saving our resources and maintaining our lives here perfectly fine without consuming ourselves with Negan. I don't believe he's paid his full debt for his crimes but he has been locked up, tortured and beaten... maybe to death." Michonne shook her head, "I can live with us never seeing his face again, sucking up our pride and moving on the way we have been."

Rick stared at her hard for a long couple of seconds and then nodded. "You're right." He wrapped an arm around her and Michonne leaned into him. "You're right," he repeated.

"Not to mention if he's still alive I don't know that I can live with myself by making that woman a widow with two young children." She shook her head, "They shouldn't have to pay for the things he's done."

"I used to see it all the time," Rick told her, "Being a police officer."

Michonne nodded, but went back to her original point. "We have to talk to Carl."

He scratched his eyebrow and eyed the ground, "Yeah..."

"Before he does something one day to get himself killed." Michonne raised her eyebrows and Rick nodded again. "He went out on a mission twice all by himself. Once to kidnap Negan's wife and the other to kill Negan himself."

"I'll talk to him," he vowed.

" _We_ ," she emphasized the word, " _We_ will talk to him."


	108. Maximum Heart Rate

William and Nancy met Alexandra by the front entrance of the medical building and she felt her heart drop into her stomach.

"What?" she asked. Alexandra had only been away from Negan for a short time so she could get Lucy some fresh air. The two of them had been out for a walk around the streets of the little town and she sang to her daughter, tried to get her talking and even got a few toys from Annie that Christopher had grown out of.

"Nothing." William grinned. "We're just heading out for a little while. It's a nice night."

Nancy smiled too, "Did you happen to see Sarah on your travels? She was supposed to meet me at one of the picnic tables in the courtyard."

"She was there," Alexandra informed her, "With a friend... who was teaching her how to use a Yo-Yo."

William snickered and winked at Nancy. "Go get her Grandma."

"Excuse me... can't I pass for her aunt?" Nancy laughed and shook her head.

"I don't think you look a day over thirty-five," Alexandra told her with a smirk.

"Oh, if they only still had hair dye in the world," she joked, fluffing her short gray hair with her hand.

The three of them shared a laugh and then parted ways as Alexandra hurried inside. Lucy was weighing her arms down now. She was fast asleep from the walk and had been growing so much.

Negan smiled when she entered his room and right away Alexandra's eyes focused on a bouquet of flowers at his bedside.

She whistled and laughed, "Who brought you flowers?"

"They're for you honey."

"Is that right?" Alexandra shifted Lucy against her chest and wandered over, taking in a deep breath to inhale the scent. "Where'd they come from?"

"I asked Nancy if she'd pick some from the gardens out back." Negan smiled, "I'd have fuckin' gotten them myself but I thought you might try to strangle me if I left the hospital bed."

"Well you thought right," she teased and then placed a hand on the side of his face and kissed him once.

"I got up once last night when you were sleeping," he confessed, "And I got up to take a leak while you were out with Lucy."

"Was this approved by the medical staff?" Alexandra raised her eyes accusingly and grinned, smelling the flowers again.

"Not that I need any fuckin' approval but yes."

"You look better," she told him.

"I feel fuckin' better." Negan sighed, "I can almost see out of this eye now." He pointed to his face and grinned, "Think I might have to hop out on fuckin' patrol in the tower tonight."

Alexandra shook her head, feeding into his teasing. "That's not happening. I told Jack and Vince I'd kill them too if the three of you tried to pull anything... and I just haven't seen Matt yet to threaten him."

"Stickin' it to the boss of this fuckin' place?" He rolled his eyes with a grin at the thought of Matt's leadership and Alexandra chuckled, but shook her head again.

"They gave us some toys for Lucy." She smiled. "I have them in a bag now but she was loving it."

"I can see that." Negan nodded his head toward their sleeping daughter and Alexandra carefully made her way to the crib they'd brought in, placing her down.

"I should make something to hang over the crib," Alexandra said, "Something she can look at and play with."

"Get fuckin' crafty." He sighed, "Or get the kid to do it."

"Maybe it'll be a little project."

Negan motioned to a small table on the opposite side of the flowers. "Got us a couple of plates."

"This feels like a date." Alexandra winked at him and slid the table in between herself and the bed before pulling up a chair. She handed Negan a dish of the pasta that Nancy had whipped up for them and sat down.

"Remember when you used to fuckin' bring me a plate of food but none for yourself?" He laughed at the thought.

"Yes." She laughed back. "God, I was so nervous those first few months."

"I used to be fuckin' starving and eat half the fuckin' plate because I knew you were hungry."

Alexandra scrunched her nose and took a bite of her food. "Aww."

"And I knew once you got into my room that you didn't want to ever fuckin' leave." Negan raised his eyebrows and grinned. "I reeled you right in doll." He made a motion like he was fishing making her laugh a little louder.

She sighed. "Those were the days."

"What's wrong with now?"

"Aside from you almost dying, and your face being broken and you having a severe concussion?" Alexandra asked, "Oh nothing... nothing at all."

"We've all almost died honey." Negan took bite and then reached for a glass of water on the opposite side of the bed before offering it Alexandra.

"When did you know you loved me?"

He shoved another big bite in his mouth and made it humorously clear that he didn't want to talk about it. "Huh?" he asked, mumbling out the word with all the food in his mouth.

Alexandra laughed, "You heard me."

Negan continued chewing and then finally took her question seriously. "You know I'm not into this sappy shit."

"Well I'm not usually a sappy woman..." she smirked, "So you get off easy that I'm not like this all the time... just tell me. Remember at the little party when we danced..."

He snickered and shook his head. "Fuck... I had a few drinks in me then."

"Is that the only reason why you said all those nice things to me?"

Negan sighed and looked at her. "I fuckin' knew almost right away."

"When?"

"Fuck Alex." He laughed, "Why..." Negan shook his head, "If I tell you will you fuckin' drop it?"

"Sure."

"Okay, come here."

"Come where?"

"Here." Negan waved her to him and patted the side of the twin bed he was laying in. "Put the food down a second and close the door."

Alexandra let a slow grin spread across her face. She wasn't sure what he was up to but she did as he asked and then sat down beside him.

Negan set his plate of food down and then sat more upright. He slid a hand inside the bottom of her shirt to touch her stomach and then pulled her toward him a little more. "First off... I can't wait to see you get all fuckin' fat this time around."

"Fat?" Alexandra laughed, "Gee, thanks. I thought you were going to hit me with something a little more charming than that."

"I not your fuckin' prince charming, I told you that." Negan slid his tongue across his teeth and laughed again, "But really... I missed all that shit when I was locked up and I remember that feeling I had when you came into the cell with your belly out to here." He used his hands to mimic the look. "It fuckin' sucked. You were all by yourself and this time if nothing else happens to me then you won't be." When he saw she was about to fight him on the word choice he went on. "I knew you were something special when Randy showed up in my room one time after I kicked the pillows on the floor on purpose hoping you would come up and assist me. When I saw that kid's face and not yours I fuckin' lost it." He grinned, "Flipped the fuck out and scared the piss out of him."

Alexandra chuckled and tucked her hair behind her ear and looked down.

"Do you know what time I'm even talking about?"

She nodded. "Yes. Yeah... I walked up to your room, got yelled at by Dwight and then talked to you for a few minutes before picking up the pillows and putting them under your broken leg."

"Best bone I ever fuckin' broke," Negan told her, "Because otherwise I never would have had the chance to fall in love with you."

Alexandra swallowed hard and sighed. She smiled and Negan patted his right hand against the mattress followed by his left. "Put your knees right here and here."

She gave him a look. "What?"

He pulled her by the belt buckle on her hip and then pushed her leg to guide her so she straddled him on the small bed. "There ya fuckin' go." Negan smiled when they were face to face and placed his hands on her hips.

Alexandra put her hands on the wooden headboard behind where he sat upright and shook her head. "You're broken," she reminded him.

"Not all of me." Negan smiled and laughed before urging her lips against his.

She kissed him for a moment and then pulled back when she recognized a consistent beeping sound for the first time that had become nothing but background noise. "Your heart rate just went up." A smile lingered on Alexandra's face.

"That's not the only thing that just went up." Negan snickered, pulling her face back toward him and felt like he could win her over. He tugged up on the bottom of her shirt and Alexandra tried forcing his hands back down.

"You can't do this," she told him, "As your doctor I can't let you-"

He kissed her harder again before she could protest anymore and then slipped his hands up the back of her shirt as he began to kiss her neck. "You're not my doctor anymore," he whispered in her ear, "You're my wife."

Alexandra closed her eyes, feeling his scruffy beard brush up against her neck as he continued. She allowed him to take off her shirt this time and then continued to make out with him until he peeled her bra off and latched onto her right breast with his mouth.

Being with him was the best feeling Alexandra had had in a long time. She knew she could potentially hurt him with one wrong move but he was so adamant and things had been so terrible for them for weeks that she didn't fight him any longer.

"Are you alright?" she asked, sighing as she did.

Negan didn't answer but did his best to rid her of her jeans. "Help me the fuck out here."

Alexandra looked at the heart rate monitor beside the bed. "You could hurt yourself."

"This is going to happen one way or another." He laughed and looked down, "So fuckin' help me out here honey."

She went against her doctor instincts and stripped down, tossing a cover over herself as she pinned herself down onto him.

Both of them sighed at the same time and Negan's hands slowly glided over her back. He swallowed hard, "Heart rate just fuckin' went up again."

"We shouldn't be doing this," Alexandra told him. "And what if Nancy or someone comes back?"

"I told 'em to fuckin' get lost for an hour or so." He smiled, studying her expression and tucked a hair behind her ear.

She laughed, "They agreed to this?"

"I told 'em we were having a romantic fuckin' dinner." Negan smiled. "Told Nancy to keep Sarah busy."

Alexandra nodded and looked down then back up and rested her hands on his shoulders. "Seems like you had the perfect plan."

"I know what I'm fuckin' doing." He continued to smile and closed his eyes as she kissed him hard on the lips.

"Thank you for the flowers," she whispered.

Negan moaned into another kiss she laid on him. "You're welcome." She moved slowly on top of him and he leaned his head all the way back against the top of the headboard with his eyes closed. "Let's see if we can hit my maximum heart rate," he choked out, and then added, "Nurse."

Alexandra laughed and nodded. "220 minus your age is your max heart rate," she rattled out the short formula and then let out a moan of her own and sighed. "I'll see what I can do."


	109. Whole World

Negan hated being bedridden. As the pain wore off it provided him far more time to think. He thought of Alexandra and Rick and Carl. All in all he wasn't sure what to make of his current surroundings.

There wasn't a bone in his body that was scared for his life even after everything that had happened. If Carl or any of them came for him again he would fight... and this time he wouldn't let his guard down as he had when Rick ambushed him on his way out to see Alexandra in the woods.

On the other hand, without The Hillltop's pristine collection of medical equipment, he was nervous for Alexandra being pregnant. The first time around was different, and while Nancy appeared confident he still didn't know what they had to assure her safety. As of that moment, he had it in his mind that The Hilltop was out of the question.

"You called for me?" Nancy asked, entering the room.

"Yeah," Negan sighed. He brushed his hair back.

"It's good you're able to see out of both your eyes again."

He tipped his mouth up in a half grin and then Nancy made her way over to his side.

"Something isn't right." She grinned. "You haven't cursed once yet."

Negan looked at her directly. "You're sure that you all have the means here to help Alexandra?" His voice was soft and scratchy but he didn't look away.

Nancy stared back at him. "The first time we delivered a baby it went well. We don't have much to numb the pain, but I truly have the confidence in William and myself." She nodded confidently and took a seat by the side of the bed.

Negan studied her expression a moment as she eyed the floor and began to chew on her fingernails. "What else?"

"What else what?" She asked.

"You're biting your nails, spacing out..." he swallowed. "What's the rest of the fuckin' story?"

"There's really only one thing that concerns me."

"What's that?" Negan asked a second after she finished the sentence.

"I don't know exactly what we would do if Alexandra needed a C-section... and we may not have the equipment here to tell early enough if she'll need one."

"If she did?"

Nancy looked into Negan's concerned, focused eyes. She leaned forward and placed a hand over his. "We may not even have to worry about that."

"I'm considering it now so we can try to come up with something to assure she's safe."

"The last time she delivered at that Hilltop area?"

Negan nodded and leaned his head back. He closed his eyes. "Yeah." For a moment the two of them sat in silence before he spoke again. "She'll die if she can't have a natural, normal birth?"

"We're a good staff-"

"Nancy..." Negan opened his eyes and sat just slightly upright. He stared harder at the doctor begging for a truthful response.

"That would be a tough but also worse-case scenario," Nancy admitted. "The danger to her wellbeing would go up greatly with a C-section here." She saw the despair written in his face. "I know how much you love Alexandra, Negan. Watching the two of you go back and forth with these life threatening situations and how you react for her; how she reacts for you."

"I was a different man before I was with her," Negan explained. "Years ago I tried to get her to fuckin' leave me." He shook his head, "She wouldn't do it... so I tried to be the one break it off and I couldn't fuckin' do it."

"Why did you want her to leave you?" Nancy leaned forward even farther.

"Because I'm a bad man... and she's a good woman. She could've done better."

"Do you love her?"

Negan shifted his eyes to meet hers. He didn't have it in him that day to spout out a smart-ass remark. "Yeah."

"Then that's all that should matter... especially nowadays."

He ran a hand down his face. "I didn't care about a God damn human being in this world until Alexandra started taking care of me when I broke my leg and my-"

"Clavicle?" Nancy finished with a smile.

"You've heard the story," Negan suspected.

She smiled and nodded. "From your better half, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it."

"If either of you suspect she may need that fuckin' procedure you need to tell me." He paused, "They won't hurt her over at The Hilltop."

"What do you mean?"

"She'll need to go back."

Nancy looked at Negan more directly. "And what does that mean?"

He sighed. "Just tell me when the time comes if you think she'll need the procedure." He looked her directly in the eye. "It's not a request."

"If that even happens... I won't be dishonest with you Negan," Nancy vowed, "But chances are that Alexandra will be just fine." She hesitated, "How could Alexandra be safe with the people of The Hilltop? They just tried to kill you."

"They aren't out just to fuckin' hurt people. If I thought they would I wouldn't even consider her going there," he explained, running a hand over his beard, "They would make sure Alexandra's delivery went fine." Negan paused and shook his head, "It's me they fuckin' want."

Nancy felt like she knew what he was getting at but still wasn't wholly sure. "So... what would that mean?" she asked again. "What would you do?"

The two of them stared at one another and didn't say anything for a few seconds until the main door opened.

Alexandra walked in a moment later and took in their serious expressions. "What's going on?" She looked back and forth between the two of them.

"Nothing." Nancy shrugged and rose to her feet. "I'm just keeping him company."

Alexandra grinned and adjusted Lucy in her arms. "Good."

Nancy greeted them, paying a little extra attention to the baby and then headed out of the room.

"You okay?" Alexandra asked, staring at Negan now.

"Yeah." He forced a smile. "Come here."

She crossed the room and he reached for Lucy's hand first and then took Alexandra's.

"I love you," Negan told her.

She smiled. "I know... I love you too."

"I know," he said quietly.

"What's wrong?" She whispered, sitting down beside him now. When Lucy reached her arms out Negan took her and cracked a wide smile when the word 'dad' came out a little more pronounced.

"Nothing." He shook his head, but fought back a tightness that had developed in his throat.

Alexandra saw his eyes glisten just a little bit and leaned in to kiss him. "I'm fine," she said quietly when his eyes closed, suspecting the medicine, downtime and broken sleep had left him emotionally exhausted. She had seen him in that type of mood before.

"I know baby." Negan swallowed hard and turned to Lucy. "Want to keep Daddy company?"

She repeated his name back to him and flopped down against his chest, prompting Negan to hug her a little tighter against him.

Alexandra smiled to herself and laid down next to him, squeezing into the tight space on the small bed. When Negan looked over at her a single tear left the corner of his eye and she caught it with her thumb. "Daddy needs some sleep," she whispered, bringing his face to hers again and leaving a kiss where the tear had dropped.

"I'm fuckin' tired," Negan admitted, closing his eyes as she guided him toward her so he could rest his head against her chest while Lucy laid on his.

She kissed the top of his head and closed her eyes, wrapping her arms around him. Alexandra was wide awake but stared down several minutes later as Negan's and Lucy's breathing steadied out as they fell into a deep sleep. Her whole world laid there sleeping peacefully in her arms, and Alexandra felt in that moment how all of the pain they had endured was more than worth it. They were alive, together and no one was going to take that away.


	110. Baby Steps

Several months went by without incident and as Negan grew stronger he began posting himself out on the watchtower with Jack and the others, or going out on the occasional supply run despite Alexandra's attempts to keep him behind the walls of The Manor. She understood that he was like a lion being forced to stay in a cage at the zoo and so there came a point where she stopped fighting him on it.

The air had a chill to it as the winter months passed though more times than not the outdoors was still tolerable in Virginia. Lucy had gone through a steady climb in her growth. At eight months she began pulling herself up to her feet, only to plop down a few seconds later. At nine months in she was regularly making it a few steps and closer to ten she managed to walk herself across the living room, using the couches and tables for support.

Negan spent extended periods of time with Lucy as she progressed in her walking and encouraged her, sometimes too loudly, in her pursuit of using her tiny legs. On a number of occasions Alexandra had to tell him to keep his voice down, always laughing as she did, when he got overly enthusiastic. There was nothing more special to her, however, than when she reached his waiting hands on her struggle across the room and he lifted her high in the air above his head.

"She's way ahead of the game," Negan claimed as the two of them sat in the living room studying their daughter.

"You think?" Alexandra threw a blanket over her lap on the couch and smiled as Negan sat on the floor with his arms out waiting for Lucy to reach him again.

"I know," he told her, "I read it."

"Where?" she continued to smile and leaned her elbow on the arm of the couch, resting her hand against her chin.

"I asked Matt and Annie for a book they had on raising fucking kids and shit." Negan smiled wide as Lucy continued her journey across the living room to him. "Come on..." He waved her toward him and Alexandra watched as she wobbled across the throw rug in the center of the floor before reaching for Negan's hands. "Atta girl!" He scooped her up under her arms and laid flat on his back and held her above his head.

"You read it?" Alexandra asked, looking at the two of them with adoring eyes.

"Yup." He brought Lucy down and peppered her chubby cheeks with kisses before sitting them both upright leaving their daughter in a fit of giggles. Negan looked over at her. "So based on the norm I'd say Lucy's a damn superstar."

"Just when I thought I couldn't love you any more..." Alexandra continued to lean on her arm and Negan grinned at her.

"I know that fuckin' look." He gave a short laugh.

Alexandra was about to say something back but her jaw dropped when the syllable "Fuh," came out of Lucy's mouth.

Negan raised his eyebrows and glanced over at Alexandra. He, too, looked shocked for a moment but then broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Negan..." she shook her head but smiled and put a hand on her forehead.

"Fuck." Negan purposely said the word aloud again and stared wide-eyes at Lucy as he bounced her in his lap.

"Fuh!" She extended her arm out and pointed at him, making him laugh louder and in turn Lucy's giggles continued.

"Stop it!" Alexandra jumped up to her feet, laughing out loud and grabbed Lucy. She held her against her body and put a hand over her ear as if to block out what he had just said.

"Give her back," Negan demanded with a laugh. He stayed on the ground and reach his arms up.

"No." She smiled and shook her head, turning her body away from him with Lucy who began to whine and reach an arm over her shoulder.

"She wants her daddy," Negan insisted, still chuckling. "Come on... give her up."

"Stop it," Alexandra whispered into Lucy's ear, kissing her cheek. "Stay with Mom."

Negan continued to engage their daughter, waving her to him with both hands and making faces to draw her attention to him. "Come here," he encouraged. "That mean mommy took you the fuck away from me."

Alexandra whipped around, "Negan!"

Her reaction made him crack up even more and he laid flat on his back on the ground with a hand on his chest as he continued to laugh.

"Do not piss off a pregnant woman," she warned.

Negan took a deep breath and let his laughing die down a bit but still grinned wide. He placed his hands behind his head and looked up at her as Lucy continued to struggle in her arms.

"Let the wild beast free," he said.

Alexandra sighed with another smile and then slowly put Lucy down on her ground. Her tiny legs wobbled and she fell gently onto her palms before pushing herself back up on onto two feet.

Like before, Negan waved her to him and glanced up at Alexandra who stared at him with her arms folded across her chest. When Lucy got to him he scooped her up again and kissed her cheek again.

"Don't say bad words," he told her, knowing she didn't at all comprehend what he meant. Negan's eyes met Alexandra's as he continued to kiss Lucy's cheeks.

"Too late." She shook her head.

Negan perched himself up onto his knees and pulled Alexandra over by her hand. Lucy turned toward her mother as he lifted up her shirt so her stomach was exposed. When Negan guided Lucy's hand toward the small bump on her stomach Alexandra smiled wide.

"Boy or girl?" She asked. "What do you think?"

"Girl." He wrapped his free arm around her and kissed her stomach.

"I have a feeling this one is going to be a boy."

Negan laughed against her stomach and drew a hand along the scar to the side. "I won't curse in front of this one."

"Yeah right." Alexandra laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

He laughed again and leaned back to look up at her. "I'll try."

She smiled. "Thank you for reading the book."

Negan smirked, pulled her shirt back down and rose to his feet to give her a kiss. This time Lucy reached her arms out toward Alexandra and immediately leaned a head on her shoulder. "Like I said based on those statistics I fuckin' read we practically created a superhuman child."

Alexandra could see that Negan loved knowing Lucy was ahead of the curve and it showed in the way he gushed over her first set of accomplishments. "Ready for the second?"

"As long as he... or she can keep up with Lucy." Negan raised his eyebrows, "If not then..." He shrugged and smiled.

"Then what?" Alexandra looked at him with playful accusation.

"Then we'll give him or her up to Matt and Annie," he teased, "No second place kids in this family." She hit him lightly on the chest and Negan continued to smile. "I'm fuckin' kidding."

"I know," she said quietly, beginning to rock Lucy back and forth. Alexandra closed her eyes when he kissed her once on the lips.

"Are _you_ ready?"

Alexandra nodded and sighed. "Yeah." She looked down and then up again to meet his eyes.

"Good." Negan brought her forehead to his lips and left a kiss there. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	111. Protective

Alexandra laid awake and stared at the patterns on the ceiling. By some coincidence they were almost the same as what was on the ceiling of Negan's bedroom at The Sanctuary; swishing little brush strokes in circular patterns.

She glanced over at him sleeping beside her. There was nothing that Alexandra craved more than her family; Negan safe laying next to her, Lucy sleeping across the room and Sarah asleep downstairs on the couch in the living room. She hadn't felt any movement in her stomach yet but knew the time wouldn't be long.

Alexandra ran a hand down her stomach and felt waves of anxiousness run through her body. She had been nervous the first time around with Lucy but she felt that gnawing feeling in her chest this time even more. She caught herself staring off into spacing thinking of what could go wrong rather than right.

Negan rolled from his back to his side so he was facing her but didn't wake up. His arms were folded lazily across his bare chest and he subconsciously buried his head further into the pillow.

Alexandra scolded herself for being negative. There was one thing this time around that she didn't have the last time; and that was Negan. He made her feel like all was right in their world when he touched her stomach, talked to their unborn child and repeatedly assured her how great of a mother she was.

She smiled and stared back at the ceiling studying the little brush strokes again. For whatever reason she often found herself daydreaming about The Sanctuary but was more grateful than ever for their life at The Manor.

A noise from downstairs caught her attention and Alexandra's focus shifted from her daydreams to reality.

For a moment she laid still trying to decipher if the house was just settling or if it was something more. When there was another, louder noise she sat upright in bed.

Negan still slept beside her, too deep in his slumber to have his senses triggered by an abstract sound on the first level of the house.

She slowly tossed the covers off and climbed out of bed, taking a look over her shoulder at Negan before tiptoeing out of the room. For a moment Alexandra stood at the top of the short staircase and peered into the dark living room. She allowed her eyes to adjust to the darkness for a moment and saw a slight breeze at one of the front windows blowing back the thin curtain

"Sarah!" she whispered in a shout, hoping to draw a response. There was nothing and Alexandra held her breath so she could listen harder. When there was still nothing she called out a second time just a little bit louder. "Sarah..."

She waited again and then took the stairs slowly at first before looking around the room. Alexandra squinted, eying the spot on the couch where Sarah had been and saw that the blankets were tossed and the couch was empty. Next to where she had been sleeping the window was open, hence the extra wave of the curtains.

Alexandra took a deep breath, not knowing which avenue was true in her mind. Did someone take Sarah or did she sneak out? Logically she felt it was the latter but it didn't prevent panic from rising inside of her.

She rushed to the window and tossed the curtains to either side, peering out into the darkness but couldn't see much in the immediate area.

"Shit," she said quietly to herself, and then looked around before finding the blood-stained baseball bat perched in the corner of the room. Without another thought Alexandra hurried to grab it and then ran toward the front door. As she went to throw it open she jumped when Negan's hand came down on her shoulder.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he asked in a scratchy, tired voice.

"The window's open," Alexandra pointed out, "Sarah's gone."

Negan's eyes shifted around the room and he ran his hands over his eyes before reaching for the bat in her hands. He stepped in front of her and headed out onto the small front porch with Alexandra a step behind him.

The two of them looked around. There was nothing on the porch and not a sound anywhere else.

"Sarah!" Alexandra shouted out loud.

They waited but there was nothing again.

"Did you check the rest of the house?" Negan asked. He eyed a pair of boots just inside the doorway and threw them on.

Alexandra shook her head. "No... but I heard something down here and the window was open."

"Look inside," he instructed.

"She's not there."

Negan scowled and wanted to argue but he took the set of stairs down into the yard holding the bat in his right hand as he marched around. "Sarah!" he bellowed, beginning to feel just a small bout of anxiety.

Alexandra followed him at first before branching out and walking around the side of the house. She made a full lap and met Negan on the other side. "I don't see her." She looked around, "You don't think she'd leave the walls do you?"

Negan put up a hand when heard rustling from a small wooded area that stood as a barrier between their house and the one to the left. Alexandra stopped what she was doing and tried not to let her breathing take away from her ability to listen.

He took a few steps in the direction of the trees and then began to run. Alexandra followed close behind him, wanting to shout out his name as they went when he drew farther and farther away in front of her. She tried to determine who's footsteps were who's and that same alarm and panic made all of her limbs feel heavy with dread. In her mind she saw Carl pop out from behind a tree wielding a gun or another weapon and taking Negan down. The nightmare only lasted a few seconds because she heard the frightened voice of someone else.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" he begged, "It's me! Don't!"

Alexandra saw Negan come to an abrupt halt with the bat raised above his head.

"It's me!" the voice said again.

Negan's posture relaxed a bit and he let the arm with the bat drop to his side. "Jesus, kid what the fuck!"

Alexandra caught up and looked down at Eric who was crouched down behind a tall tree. He had his hands up in front of him submissively and wide, frightened eyes. A few feet away Sarah was ducked behind another with more of a 'Oh shit, I got caught' look on her face.

"I'm sorry," Eric apologized, shaking his head. "I didn't think you'd..." He let his voice trail off not knowing if he was digging himself into a bigger hole or not.

Negan looked at the boy and then to Sarah. "Get the fuck back inside," he ordered, "Alexandra was worried something fuckin' happened to you!"

"I was trying to-" she began to plead but Negan barked louder.

"Go!" he shouted.

Eric still stared at him with his mouth hung open and his eyes wide. He didn't move a muscle from his crouched position by the tree, even when Sarah walked passed him with an exasperated sigh that she purposely shot fearlessly in Negan's direction.

"Come on," Alexandra urged more gently, putting a hand on her back as she guided her back toward the yard.

Negan stared at Eric for a moment and could see that the boy was frightened enough for the time. Had Sarah not been so fond of him he would have taken the opportunity to scare him a little more but he refrained, simply staring at the kid for a moment until he finally spoke. "Get the fuck home," he told him.

"Yes sir." Eric quickly jumped to his feet and glanced at the baseball bat in his hand for a moment before hurrying past him.

"You want to see Sarah you do it at a reasonable fuckin' hour you got that?"

"Yes sir," the young man repeated. "I wasn't-"

"Go home," Negan ordered before he could finish, sending Eric running out of the trees, through the yard and down the street without looking back.

When Negan trudged his way back up the steps onto the porch and into the house he stared around the empty living room before closing and locking the door behind him. He kicked off the boots, wedged the bat in the corner of the room and then took the stairs to the bedroom where Alexandra sat on the end of the bed waiting for him.

"Where's the kid?"

"Her room," Alexandra told him.

"No punishment?"

"We'll talk to her tomorrow."

"She-"

"She gets a free pass for tonight for saving your life," Alexandra explained. She paused when Negan sighed through his nose and put his hands on his hips. "We'll talk to her tomorrow."

Negan ran a hand through his hair and stared at her, placing the hand back on his hip. "So I run out into the fuckin' dark in my fuckin' underwear and work boots to find our darling Sarah was meeting with the neighbor boy after we thought she might have been fuckin' kidnapped... and nothing." He lifted his hands to the sides and stared at her.

"Now you're just starting to sound like the grumpy old man on the block," Alexandra teased.

"I'm glad you think this is fuckin' funny." Negan tried to remain serious but couldn't fight the grin that slowly made its way onto his face. When Alexandra gave a chuckle he shook his head, "Shit, I'm long beyond fuckin' soft. I lost my balls and my backbone."

Alexandra smiled and then laughed lightly. "I'm just glad that's all it was."

"Yeah, that's _all_ it was." Negan shook his head, "What the fuck's going on with her and this kid?"

"Now you sound like a protective father." She smiled, "And _that_ is pretty sexy."

He shook his head and looked at her before letting out a chuckle. "You don't play fuckin' fair at all."

"All is fair remember?" Alexandra raised her eyebrows and scooted herself back onto the bed at the same moment that Negan rushed toward her, pinning her beneath him making her laugh louder.

"I remember," he told her, beginning to laugh as she giggled a little more when he began to tickle her.

"Stop," she laughed, pushing at his hands. Alexandra couldn't contain her laughter as he didn't let up and it was only at the point where she could barely breath that Negan pushed himself up so he hovered above her and stared down at her with a big grin.

"I think that was a fair punishment." Negan moved his hand like he was going to do it again and laughed out loud when she went to defend herself.

Alexandra caught her breath and smiled before taking a deep breath and placing her hands on his shoulders. "We'll deal with it in the morning," she concluded about the situation with Sarah.

Negan look a deep breath and nodded. "Fine."

She laughed lightly again and shook her head. "I wish these were our biggest problems."

"Right now... they are."

Alexandra smiled. She knew he was right. Rather than argue it she decided to live in the silly, little moment. "Yeah... yeah you're right."

"I know I'm right." Negan leaned down at kissed her and then rolled onto his side of the bed. "Alright... this grumpy old fuckin' man is going back to bed."


	112. Fishing

Sarah sat in the front steps of the house and picked up a small pebble near her foot. She rolled it in between her thumb and pointer finger for a moment before tossing it to the side.

After Alexandra had been so understanding of her breakout the night before Sarah decided not to go galavanting around the community until after she spoke to both her and Negan. When the front door open and he walked out first she sighed and leaned forward on her elbows.

"What're you sighing for?" He asked, slowly making his way down the steps to sit beside her.

"Gee... I don't know."

"Look don't get all smart with me because you got caught sneaking out of the fuckin' house." Negan shook his head, "Ya know what my dad would have done to me."

"Get on with it then."

"Get on with what?"

"Whatever the hell the punishment is."

Negan smiled to himself and looked straight ahead, mimicking her position. "There's no fucking punishment."

Sarah turned to him skeptically. "You shitting me?"

"I shit you not."

She sighed again. "I haven't left these walls in like three months... not since-"

"You saved me."

"Yeah... that." Sarah reached for another tiny pebble, studied it briefly and then tossed it again.

"Okay come on then." Negan stood up and waved a hand.

"Come on then what?"

"Let's get the fuck out of here; blow off some steam."

Sarah looked at him skeptically. "Is this like a test or something?"

"Just get up." Negan began to walk away and she hurried to keep up with him.

"Where are we going?"

"Out."

"Out... like out of the community?" Sarah paused when he didn't respond. "Won't Alexandra be mad at you for that?"

Negan turned his head to the side. "Let me fuckin' worry about that."

Sarah chuckle and shook her head. "I don't know how she puts up with your shit."

"Yeah... well I don't know why I put up with yours." Negan smirked and it took Sarah a second to realize he was kidding. She chuckled and looked at him.

"Where are we really going?" She asked as they approached the front gate.

"Fishing."

"You weren't kidding." Sarah looked around the area when the two of them exited the truck Negan had taken out.

"No... I wasn't." He shut the driver's side door and rounded to the back of the pickup to retrieve two fishing poles. "Ever been?"

"No." Sarah shook her head and followed him down to a little pond.

Negan fished around in the dirt before finding a worm and went to hand it to her. To his surprise, Sarah jumped back and moved her hands away.

"Ugh... no thanks."

"What the hell are you scared of?" Negan pressed his eyebrows together.

"I'm not scared... I just don't like them."

"Let me get this straight," Negan put a hand on his hip. "You'll take on the fuckin' undead... and march days in the rain to find us... and you were willing to take a damn bullet for me, but you're scared of a fuckin' worm?"

"Shit doesn't make sense does it?"

"No." He shook his head and baited the hook. "Here's how you cast it." Negan placed his first two fingers over the fishing line attached to the pole and flipped the reel. "You gotta keep the line against the pole until you release." He nudged her with his elbow. "Look out."

Sarah backed up and watched as he brought the pole back and then shot his hands forward, releasing the fishing line against the pole as he did. Twenty or thirty yards into the away the baited hook landed in the water and slowly dipped below the surface.

"Doesn't look too hard," she told him.

"It's not." He handed her the pole, found another worm and set the second pole up. "Here do it."

Sarah switched with him and repeated the steps slowly, eying him several times for approval.

"You got it, kid." Negan nodded, "Now just go back and forward."

Sarah did as he said, launching the worm outward as she casted the line. A smile formed on her face when the distance matched his. "Nice."

He smirked and then sat down on an oversized rock, prompting Sarah to do the same.

"Aren't you scared that Rick's people might come again?" She looked around the wooded area.

"I'm not fuckin' scared of much," Negan admitted.

"But you are scared of something..." Sarah suspected by the way he phrased the sentence.

"Losing the three of you," he said, looking out at the pond, "That's about fuckin' it."

"Why does Rick and Carl and everyone want to kill you so bad?"

"If they wanted me dead they would have fuckin' done it already."

"Okay... why do they want to lock you up?"

"We have a very complicated past, alright? I did some things... they did some things." Negan told her, "You wanna fuckin' drop it now?" He turned to her.

"Well, whatever they say you did," Sarah told him, "I don't believe it."

"Believe it," Negan said a little firmer, "Because I fuckin' did all of it. Everything they claim I did... I did." He toyed the with reel and kept a closer eye on the line.

Sarah stared at him for a minute and then let out a sigh. "Were you worried last night?" She paused, "You know... that I might have been kidnapped or something."

He sighed, "Yeah."

"Because you said Alex was worried... you didn't say you were."

Negan turned to her and then finally snickered and shook his head. "Shit... I'm starting to lean toward hoping Alexandra has a boy this time. Between Alexandra, you, Nancy even..." He laughed, "You're all emotional. I already fuckin' told you I was worried, so take my word for it alright? Jesus."

Sarah let a slow smirk spread across her face. "Okay... I believe you."

"And don't go sneaking around with that fuckin' Eric kid," he added, "Give me a reason to knock his teeth in and I will."

"Please don't," she said, "He has a hell of a smile." Sarah let out a sigh and smiled to herself.

"Cut that shit out." Negan grinned and then leapt to his feet when there was a tug at Sarah's line. "Shit, kid, you got something."

"I do?" She rose to her feet just after he did and noticed the bend in the pole, "What do I-"

"Start reeling it in," he urged, "Crank that shit."

Sarah did as she was told and began cranking the reel as fast as she could until she felt her hand begin to cramp up.

"Almost," Negan encouraged her. He placed his pole down walked to the end of hers and lifted it up a few inches as she pulled the fish in the rest of the way.

"Whoa!" She smiled when she saw the size of the fish and continued to turn it until the fish flopped around in the grass at their feet.

"Shit!" he gushed, "Nice work."

"Dinner?"

"Fuckin' right!"

Sarah held up her hand and Negan chuckled before giving her a high-five. "That was fun," she admitted.

"Let's see if we can get a couple more of these guys." He smiled wide and lifted the large mouth bass into the air, "Then we'll call it a day."

"See... Alex _can't_ be mad at us if we come back with a ton of fish," she said to him.

Negan laughed again, "Well, she won't be mad at _you_."

"You've been getting in trouble your whole life, haven't you?" Sarah raised her eyebrows.

"That's why we get along, kid."


	113. Mamas Boy

**Hey guys. No Walking Dead for a couple months, so sad! lol Thanks for reading/reviewing. Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season. I began writing an "original" story about the ZA if anyone has an interest in checking it out. I'm not sure how to kind of promote it, but I tried posting the first few chapters on the quotetv site. Writing is my little hobby so I'm always looking for feedback. :)**

 **/story/8913634/The-End-As-We-Know-It**

When Negan pulled the truck back in through the gates, Jack gave a wave from the tower.

Sarah unrolled the window. "Got a bucket full of fish!" she shouted up at him.

"Good work!" he shouted back, giving a thumbs up.

Negan grinned and looked over as Sarah leaned at arm out the window. "You going to give these to the cook?" he asked.

"Sure." She turned to him and smiled. "And she said, I shall provide."

He laughed lightly and then pulled the truck to a halt outside of the building where most of the cooking was done. "Go ahead."

Sarah looked at him before she exited the truck. "Thanks."

"Yup." He nodded once and looked out the windshield.

She laughed to herself and opened the door. "You get so awkward when people are nice and sentimental to you."

Negan glanced over as she hopped out, smiling when he saw the matter-of-fact look on Sarah's face.

"Maybe you _do_ need another daughter," she went on, slamming the car door and leaning her arms against the open passenger window. "It'll give you more practice with the emotional stuff." Sarah gave him a final grin, grabbed the bucket of fish from the bed of the truck and hurried into the show off what they had caught.

Negan watched her go for a minute and then looked the other way out the window toward his house. Alexandra sat in a chair on the front porch with Lucy and he cut the engine before heading over to see her. As he approached he was searching for a way to plead out of him leaving the walls without telling her, but was pleasantly surprised with the way she greeted him first.

"Looks like she caught quite a few fish." Alexandra smiled at him and Negan took the stairs, leaning an arm on the side of the house above where she sat.

"More than a few," he told her with a grin. "Thought it would be a good opportunity for her."

"Way to go, Dad." She smiled wider and motioned toward her lips.

Negan leaned down and kissed her and then rubbed the top of Lucy's head. "You're not mad?"

Alexandra shook her head. "Nope." She raised her eyebrows, "I mean maybe just let me know where you're going next time, but I can't expect you to stay locked inside of The Manor forever... Sarah either. She needs a little adventure every now and then. I think it was time."

Negan sat beside her and patted his lap. "Give me the little one."

"She's been a fussy one," Alexandra warned, making Lucy whine she picked her up under her arms and handed her to Negan.

"What're you crying for?" he asked in a light, silly voice as he bounced her up and down on his lap.

Lucy's tiny feet were placed on each one of his legs and he held her firmly by her hands as she grasped his thumbs.

"Can I ask you something?" Alexandra asked him.

Negan turned to her for a second. "Sure."

"How come... how come you never had kids with Lucille?" She looked at their daughter, "I don't know if you want to hear this or not but you're a natural with this stuff." A big smile formed on her face, "You took Sarah out fishing... you know the standards on how long it typically takes for babies to start walking... you make Lucy laugh when she won't even give me a smile."

He held Lucy's hand a little firmer and reached for Alexandra's with his other, bringing the back of her hand to his lips. "My mind has changed a lot since all of this started." He shrugged, "To be honest I really don't fuckin' know why we never had kids. I mean, she had mentioned it of course and I was always..." He searched for the right word, "Not overly interested."

"Why now?"

Negan sighed, "Well... I guess the things we've gone through..." He shrugged, "There comes a point in your life when you have to focus on what's right about it." Negan looked at her, "Maybe I was just wasn't ready then."

"Fair enough." Alexandra met him halfway and kissed him, smiling as Negan pulled her back to kiss her several more times in a row.

"They say a man gets three great women in his lifetime," he told her.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He grinned, "I'll count my mother as one... Lucille was two... and you're the third."

"So it looks like you're done." Alexandra grinned at him.

"I'm done."

She studied his eyes and then put a hand on his face. "I could do this with you every single day."

"Don't get all fuckin' mushy on me."

"You started it."

"I know." Negan kissed her again, "I'm going with Sarah's advice."

Alexandra chuckled against his lips. "What's that?"

"She said I need some more practice with my emotional stuff or some shit."

She laughed again. "That girl is wise beyond her years."

"Thank God or I'd probably be fuckin' dead." Negan leaned back in his chair and refocused on Lucy. "You're going to have another sister," he told her, kissing her on the cheek, "I fuckin' know it."

Alexandra placed a hand on the back of his neck and began kneading his muscles with her fingers. "I have a feeling you'll get your son." She grinned, "What would we name him?"

"Carl." He laughed and looked at her.

Alexandra shook her head. "If you _really_ want to."

Negan looked at Lucy who began to bounce, her little legs shaking beneath her body as he held her in place. "I still think we'll have girl number two. Just a feeling."

"We'll see." She smiled and dug deeper with her thumb against his upper back. "You're pretty tense."

"Because of the women in my life," Negan teased.

"You're pretty outnumbered," Alexandra admitted.

He turned Lucy around so she was looking outward and sitting with her back against his chest. "We can take this inside and you can give me a full body massage."

"Sure." She smiled again.

"Happy ending?" Negan glanced over at her and laughed when she smiled wide and shook her head.

Alexandra looked out into the yard and pointed as Matt approached the porch. "Rain check on that."

Matt waved and hurried up the steps. "Hey, thanks for the fish," he said, "I didn't even know you guys were going out. We were thinking of doing a big cookout in the center of town. Sarah is helping bring some of the grills out right now. Sound good?"

Negan turned to Alexandra who began to nod.

"That sounds great Matt," she said, "Thanks."

"Thank _you_ ," he said to them again. "You know... it's almost the New Year. And I know you've both been through a hell of a lot in the past year... I have a feeling that things are going to get better."

Negan gave a nod.

"I think you're right," Alexandra agreed, feeding more into Matt's positivity than she knew Negan was. The two men were so different in their views on life, but she had to let Matt know that he was appreciated. "It's a good way to look at it. And I think it's great that you keep a calendar still."

"We're still here," Matt reminded her, "So we might as well live right."

"I agree." She smiled, "What time are you thinking for the cookout?"

He looked at his wrist despite not wearing a watch. "I'd say about an hour. Is that good?"

"Great." Alexandra looked to Negan, "Right?"

"You're the boss." He turned to her and she laughed lightly.

"We'll be there," she said to Matt.

"Cool." He smiled, "See ya then."

The two of them watched as Matt walked away and then Negan turned to Alexandra. "The last supper," he joked, making her shake her head.

"I hate when you say things like that." She pointed to the house, "Knock on wood."

"That's vinyl." Negan gave a chuckle and then knocked on the wooden arm of the chair, "There." He grinned, "Superstitious?"

"I just don't like it when-"

"Alright." He softened his eyes, "I'll stop. I'll go with the fuckin' flow. Maybe this year will be a little more peaceful for us."

Alexandra nodded. "Thank you."

Negan sighed and turned Lucy back around to face him and made a face to make her laugh.

"Daddy's girl," she said with a smile, referring to his parenting abilities and rose to her feet. Alexandra put her hands on her stomach, "I'm going to turn this one into a mama's boy."


	114. Amen

Negan sat down at a picnic table on an oversized patio in the center of town next to Alexandra and across from Jack. He held Lucy, who clung to him as she took in her surroundings. Her big eyes looked from person to person and she reached for a fork that Sarah placed on a napkin in front of him.

"Look at this," he said with a smile, looking up at Sarah. "You're not getting too domesticated on me here are ya?"

"Hell no," she whispered as she went by, "This is me in rare form."

"Don't listen to him," Alexandra told her, shaking her head. "This is lovely."

"She's my little warrior," Negan shot back. "Can't have her getting soft on us."

"I'm not getting soft," Sarah hissed quietly.

"I think she's getting soft," Jack said, purposely adding fuel to the fire.

Sarah looked around the table with a scowl on her face and shook her head at both Negan and Jack.

"Stop it," Alexandra warned, "Leave her be. She's doing a great job."

Sarah looked directly at Negan, "Don't piss off the person who's preparing your food." She turned to walk away, sending her ponytail whipping across the back of her head.

Negan turned to Alexandra who raised her eyebrows at him. "She's got a point."

"Think she'll spit in it?" Jack asked, half serious.

"In mine... nah." Negan shook his head, "Yours maybe."

Alexandra swatted him on the arm and Jack laughed.

The three of them sat socializing for a bit before Sarah took it upon herself to serve the meal as well. She smiled as she passed around plates and Alexandra saw her extra long stay by Eric's table, who ended their conversation with a smile and then a nervous glance in Negan's direction.

Sarah laid out a plate of fish, potatoes and vegetables for the table and eyed Negan. "Bon appetite," she teased, standing by for a moment.

"Thanks kid." He smirked.

"The top one's yours," she assured him. Sarah then turned to Jack and pointed to another, "Oh, and that piece right there is for you."

Alexandra laughed and took it upon herself to make the two men a plate before making up one for herself.

Negan didn't hesitate, challenging Sarah right back by taking a big mouthful. "It's fuckin' great," he mumbled, chewing on the extra large bite he took.

"Extra spit," Sarah joked with a smile and then glanced over as she saw Eric approaching the table from her peripheral vision. "Oh... I'll be back."

She wandered away in the opposite direction and Alexandra and Negan watched as the young man walked over to them like a puppy with its tail between its legs.

"I just want to apologize for last night," he said. "I didn't realize that, um... things would go down like that."

Alexandra looked to Negan, trying to fight off a smile from the way he purposely glared at the boy.

"You better smarten up," Negan told him. "I could've taken a big fuckin' swing at your head if I didn't realize it was you... shit kid."

"I know," Eric admitted, fiddling with the brim of his baseball hat, "I'm sorry."

"Still might think about doing it if you sneak around with Sarah at all hours of the fuckin' night again."

He nodded again. "I won't."

"Good."

Eric looked to Alexandra. "I'm sorry I scared you... especially with, um..." his eyes shifted to Lucy who still sat in Negan's arms.

"Lucy," Negan told him firmly.

"Yeah, I hope I didn't wake her up or anything."

"You didn't," Alexandra assured him, flashing a smile to try to ease the tension that Negan purposely created. "It's alright."

"But it won't fuckin' be if it happens again," Negan added.

"Yes sir." He nodded. "Could I..." Eric's voice trailed off and he shook his head and turned to leave, "Never mind."

"Spit it out kid." Negan called him back.

"I just want to know if it would be okay if Sarah sits with me for dinner."

"Yes," Alexandra said with a nod. "That would be fine."

Negan turned to her with a look as if to say, I wasn't done yet.

"Really?" Eric smiled. "Awesome... thanks." He turned and hurried away before Negan could get another word in and then Jack let out a laugh as he sliced through his potato.

"What the hell did I miss?" He continued to smile and looked at the two of them.

Negan turned to Alexandra. "Think I scared the shit out of him?"

"He couldn't get out of here fast enough," she laughed, "But he's sweet. I couldn't let that go on for much longer."

"Yeah he's fuckin' sweet alright." Negan took another bite of his food.

"What do you mean?"

He turned to her and then pointed to Jack. "Back me up on this," he told him, "Fourteen year old boys aren't sweet. They are thinking about one God damn thing."

"Right about that," Jack agreed.

"Oh stop," Alexandra told them. "He's innocent."

"Yeah..." Negan shook his head. "I better keep my fuckin' gun loaded."

Jack laughed and Alexandra hit him lightly again.

"I think it's nice Sarah has someone her own age."

Negan grabbed a piece of potato and slipped it into Lucy's mouth. "Is that good?"

She ate up the mashed piece and then extended her arms toward his hand again and Negan gave her some more as he bounced her on his knee.

A tapping sound caught everyone's attention and Matt stood in the center of the collection of tables tapping a spoon against a bottle of beer.

"Can I have everyone's attention?" He asked, looking around in all directions. When the group went quiet Matt grinned. "I just want to take a moment to acknowledge the entire group."

People looked around at one another and then back to Matt. He continued.

"We have a good thing going here. We have protection... and food... a farm... people here who pull their weight and provide in their own ways... I'm thankful for everyone here. I just wanted to say that."

"Have another beer!" Someone shouted, prompting laughter all around.

Matt smiled and took a sip making a few people around him pump their fists and whistle in approval. "I just hope that this new year right around the corner brings success, more comradery and new life." He smiled and raised his glass. "So... here's to all of you who each did your part to bring back civilization."

There was a collection of clapping, more whistles and then Matt tipped his glass in the air and sat down beside his wife.

Nancy made her way over to the table where Negan and Alexandra sat. She reached her arms out. "I never get to see my little Lucy anymore," she gushed.

He smiled and handed her the baby. "You mean your Negan... don't you Nancy?"

"Oh no... I meant Lucy." Nancy winked at him. "I can't say you didn't keep me on my toes."

"You know if I wasn't with the old ball and fuckin' chain here." Negan motioned to Alexandra, "I'd take you out on a fuckin' date."

Nancy let out a laugh and rocked Lucy in her arms. She looked at Alexandra. "He is a piece of work."

She laughed. "Yes he is."

"I have a thing for female doctors." Negan turned to Alexandra and raised his eyebrows, making her chuckle.

"How are you feeling?" Nancy asked her.

"Good." Alexandra smiled wide. "Really good."

"You have that unmistakable glow."

She sighed and placed a hand on her stomach. "Five more months or so... I think."

"We'll take good care of you," she vowed.

Alexandra smiled again. "I know. You always do."

Negan cleared his throat and looked up at Nancy. "Thanks for putting up with my shit."

"You're welcome." Nancy smiled at them again and paid more attention to Lucy.

"You gunna have another girl Negan?" Jack chimed in with the conversation. He smiled when Negan turned to him.

"Oh definitely," Nancy responded in his place.

Negan glanced up at Nancy and Lucy and then to Alexandra. He put his arms out to the sides and motioned to all of them. "Surrounded by ladies already." He gave a wink to Alexandra and pulled her against him. "Who the fuck is better than me? What's one more?"

"Amen to that," Jack said, taking a bite with a laugh.

Alexandra and Nancy both chuckled.

"Amen indeed," Nancy agreed.

Alexandra smiled and looked at Negan. "Yeah... Amen."


	115. Rare Form

There was a knock at Maggie's door and she hurried to open it as she wasn't expecting a visitor.

She peered out the peep hole and then opened her door completely. "Hello Randy."

"Hi." He raised his eyebrows. "Can I come in?"

Maggie stepped aside and motioned with her hand for him to enter.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" Randy asked.

"No." She shut the door behind him and then folded her arms across her chest. "What's going on?"

"I just wanted to get your feel on a situation."

"Shoot."

"I don't know where Alexandra is living exactly, but if there aren't the proper medical supplies something terrible could happen to her... and the baby."

Maggie paused a moment and then looked down and lowered herself onto the arm of a couch against the wall. "I don't know where they were living, but Rick said it's a community like the ones we live in."

"That's great... but are there doctors?" Randy took a deep breath. "She was my friend at The Sanctuary, and believe me they were hard to come by." He paused. "I just don't want something bad to happen to her."

Maggie sighed. The struggle of right and wrong was a constant battle in her mind on the issue. "If she comes here looking for help... we'll help her."

"She won't."

"If she's desperate enough she will." Maggie nodded. "Believe me I would have go anywhere to assure my baby was safe... didn't matter where."

"I want to reach out." Randy shrugged. "Negan might be dead you've said."

"Might... that's a big might." Maggie looked t him. "Rick is planning on taking a small group down just to keep an eye on things; see if he's alive or not."

"Let me go with them."

"Forget it."

"Maggie-"

"You're a doctor," she reminded him, "They're hard to come by. You won't be safe out there."

"I need to know that she'll be okay."

Maggie stared at him for an extra long couple of seconds and then shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said and then added, "If Alex needs help she'll seek out. Trust me."

Randy felt unsatisfied but he nodded and headed to the door. "Thanks anyway," he grumbled and then made his way out.

Maggie walked toward the door and pushed it the last few inches closed. She stood there a moment thinking about the situation and then decided to mull it over more over a cup of tea.

* * *

Alexandra opened the door to their home and looked around the lower level. She heard something coming from the kitchen but wasn't sure what it was.

"Negan?" She walked slowly through the dimly lit living room to where light filtered out of the kitchen.

"Yup." He crossed by the doorway as he crossed the room toward the gas stove tending to a pot of what appeared to be boiling water. Lucy laid sleeping lazily on his chest with her arm hanging down off his shoulder.

"She's out huh?" Alexandra smiled as she crossed into the room and then saw two plates set up and a glass pitcher of water with sliced lemons in the center of the table. "What's this?" She grinned.

"You were down at the medical building all afternoon," Negan told her quietly, attempting not to wake Lucy.

"I'll take her," she volunteered but he shook his head and approached her with the same careful body language.

"Go sit down for a few minutes," Negan offered, leaving a kiss on her lips. "I've got it."

"Are you sure?"

"Sit doll."

Alexandra smiled at him and obeyed his requests, watching as he took the set of stairs to the second floor with the daughter asleep in his arms. Momentarily he returned to the first level of the house and made his way back into the kitchen.

For several minutes she did exactly what he suggested and laid on the couch with her eyes closed listening to the sound of the bubbles boiling and drawers opening and closing as Negan whisked around the kitchen. Being off of her feet felt great and she kicked her shoes off without moving the rest of her body and let out a deep breath. Alexandra rested her hands on her stomach and smiled as she acknowledged the little bump that seemed to get more significant every day.

Negan tapped the side of the pan with a spoon or a spatula and Alexandra lifted her head. She rose to her feet and wandered into the next room.

"And you can cook," she said with a grin.

He looked over his shoulder from the stove and brought a wooden spoonful of pasta sauce to his lips with a smirk before turning back around.

Alexandra scaled the kitchen and wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her head against the center of his back. "Thanks for making me dinner."

Negan drew his hand across hers and the refocused on what he was doing. "You're welcome."

"Not 'you're fucking welcome'?" she teased.

"No." He cleared his throat, "I'm saving the 'fucking' for later." Negan smiled when he felt her begin to laugh against him and her arms tightened around his midsection.

"What can I help you with?"

"Nothing." Negan assured her. "I'm almost done."

"I'm not complaining," Alexandra went on, "But why are you doing this?"

He tapped the wooden spoon against the edge of the pan again and set it down on a napkin before turning to face her. "Because my pregnant wife deserves a little fuckin' pampering."

"Well..." she smiled wider, "I can't argue with that."

Negan turned partway, placed a little sauce on the spoon and brought it to her lips.

Alexandra wrapped her hand around his and tasted it with an a nod of approval. "That's better than..." She raised her eyebrows making him chuckle.

"Don't finish that sentence." Negan nodded toward the table. "Go sit. I would normally go with a bottle of wine but, uh..." He motioned to her stomach.

"Water is fine." She smiled.

"Sit." He raised his eyebrows and she did as he asked. Negan finished what he was doing and then placed a plate down in front of Alexandra and then himself. "For all the fuckin' times you got me food at The Sanctuary and I didn't say thank you."

Alexandra sighed. She embraced the rare sentimental moment that he was offering and almost shed a tear from how gentle and caring he was being. "You shared your dinners with me don't forget."

Negan sat down and allowed her to take the first bite to get her reaction of the total package. When she gave him the nod of approval he twirled some spaghetti on his fork and took in a big mouthful.

"I might have to put you up to cooking more," Alexandra teased. She smiled and poured each of them a glass of water.

"Don't get ahead of yourself there honey." He took the glass from her hand. "Thanks."

She raised her glass. "Is it lame to toast with water?"

Negan cleared his throat and finished the bite before raising his glass to match hers. "What's the toast?"

"To you... to us... you, me, Lucy, Sarah... the new baby."

He nodded. "To you and the baby being happy and healthy."

Alexandra nodded back and then tapped her glass against his. "This is great," she told him, "I was starving and expecting just a little leftover fish and vegetables."

"The kid needs some fuckin' carbs," Negan said. He took another big bite and watched for a minute as Alexandra continued to eat, barely speaking as she consumed most of the plate. He paced himself and finally gave a laugh.

Alexandra looked up, "What?"

Negan laughed a little louder. "Shovel it in baby. Don't fuckin' hold back."

She smiled and covered her mouth with a napkin as she struggled not to laugh with a mouthful of food. When she finally got it down she shook her head. "Compliments to the chef," she finally said, still chuckling.

Negan smiled wide and finished off the last of his plate with a few more bites. He poured himself another glass of water, drank it fast and then stood up to clear the dishes.

"I'll wash them," Alexandra offered but Negan gave her a look.

"You better fuckin' take advantage of this shit tonight." He shook his head, "Try to do the dishes and you'll be fuckin' sorry."

She laughed and lightly tapped her foot against the back of his leg as he walked to the sink. "I like this side of you."

Negan looked over his shoulder at her and set the dishes down before making his way back over to her. "Couch." He pointed toward the open doorway.

"What?"

"I'm going to give you a massage," he informed her, extending his hand. "And then you're going to get some alone time in a nice warm bath."

Alexandra rose to her feet and linked her fingers with his as he towed her into the living room. "Maybe I don't want alone time. Maybe I'd like some company."

Negan smiled and patted the couch before pulling her feet onto his lap. "I'll be waiting for you when you get out." He dug his thumbs into the bottom of her right foot.

"Mmm... that's fair." She closed her eyes and laid her head down, "That feels good."

He continued up the back of her calf, really digging in and making his way back down to her foot. Negan matched the action with her other side, making her smile and relax.

"I owe you for this," Alexandra told him.

"Nah..." Negan grinned, "I never returned the favor for that time in the woods. Let's say we're fuckin' even after tonight."

"Okay," she agreed with a smile.

He ran his hand up and down her leg once more and then slumped off the couch onto the ground beside her and pushed up onto his knees. Negan rolled her shirt up so her entire stomach was exposed and then placed a hand on top of the small bump.

"I didn't get to do this the last time," he reminded her, "So I want to take advantage of it this time... just in case this is it."

"What do you mean in case this is it?"

Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a smirk. "In case this is the last baby we have."

"I think I want five kids," she teased.

He laughed lightly and then refocused on her stomach, tracing circles with his fingers around her belly button. "I want you both to fucking know that..." Negan cleared his throat and restarted, "Sorry... I said I was going to save the fucking for later."

Alexandra laughed and began to run a hand through his hair as he went on.

"I want you both to know that I love you... maybe more than I ever loved anyone. Whether we have a day, a month, a decade or half-a-century." Negan smiled at her, "I fuckin' love you."

She felt tears develop in her eyes though they never dropped. "Are you just trying to get lucky?" she teased, eyes slightly blurry from the glistening coat of tears.

Negan raised his eyebrows. "Is it workin'?"

Alexandra laughed again sending a few tears streaming down her face and then wiped her eyes. "Yeah."

He laughed back and then leaned up and touched his lips to hers. "Lose the shirt, let me massage your neck and back, enjoy a nice warm bath and then join me in bed for the rest of the night."

She smiled against his lips with a nod. "Okay."

Negan kissed her again and grinned. "Okay."


	116. Protection Detail

Sarah darted in through the front door out of breath and leaving the door wide open behind her as it slammed into the wall.

"What the f..." Negan hurried down the staircase, not finishing his sentence and looked at Sarah as she met him at the bottom of the stairs.

"Okay... so... there was a car..." She took in a deep breath and cleared her throat.

"Take a fuckin' minute to breath kid." He put up a hand and glanced over his shoulder towards the second floor. "Come here... I just put Lucy down." Negan walked into the kitchen and sat down, pushing another chair out with his foot so Sarah could sit.

She slumped down beside him. "Where's Alex?"

"Med building." Negan told her and nodded in her direction, "Spit it out."

Sarah took another breath and then began to talk with her hands as she spoke. "So there was a car the passed by here... not too far."

"And you fuckin' know this how?" He leaned forward with an elbow on the table.

"I was sitting in the tower with Jack and Vince."

"Of course you were." Negan closed his eyes and shook his head in disapproval.

Sarah paused. "If I was a boy would you have a damn problem with me patrolling?" He rose to her feet and glared at him, putting her hands on her hips. "Because-"

"Damn it, kid." He shook his head, cutting her off. "You have got some balls on you. Sit the hell down and let's talk... like men."

"No." She folded her arms over her chest.

Negan stared at her a moment knowing her stubborn nature wasn't about to break. He waited patiently, staring back at her before she finally slumped roughly back into the seat.

"Why do you get all pissy when I do shit?"

He shook his head again and then let a grin spread across his face. "You know... you're an adventurous spirit and a warrior at heart." He spoke calmly. "But you need to learn some shit instead of just talking shit all the time."

"I know a lot of shit."

"You _do_ know a lot of shit," Negan agreed, "But the reason I don't like you sneaking around and _shit_..." He purposely said the last word a bit louder and didn't break eye contact, "Is because you do risky things a lot."

"Don't we all," Sarah challenged.

"When I do risky shit it's smart," he told her, pointing to his chest. "That's how I've lasted this long."

"I've lasted just as long as you," she reminded him. "And since you bring it up... was it really that smart to fool around with Alex in the woods? There are walkers everywhere... not to mention-"

"Where the fuck-"

"Alexandra and Annie were talking," Sarah said with a smirk. "I overheard them when I was doing "sneaky shit"." She used her fingers to animate quotations. When Negan didn't say anything back she reached for a salt shaker on the table and moved it a few inches before placing it down again. "Check mate. Your argument is now invalid."

Negan let out a deep breath, looked at her and couldn't help but laugh. "Shit kid... I'm starting to think your generation will be just fine in this fucked up world. It's all you know." He ran a hand through his hair. "What I'm saying is... I don't care if you're a boy or a girl. I treat you more like a damn boy anyway."

"True." Sarah raised her eyebrows with a nod and leaned back in the chair, putting her feet up on the table.

He laughed again. "I just don't want anything to happen to ya... there I said it."

She put her hands over her heart and exaggerated how touched she was. "You care."

Negan leaned his elbows forward on the table and redirected the conversation back to its original topic. "Tell me about this fucking car."

"Oh... right..." Sarah nodded. "Jack saw it first... a blue and white truck; old looking with lots of rust. I haven't seen it before."

"Get a look at the driver?"

"Negative. Jack was going to come tell you but I volunteered."

"What was so suspicious about it?"

" _All_ cars as suspicious," Sarah said matter-of-factly, "And it was sitting there until we were really starting to scope it out. Then Vince pointed a rifle in that direction, mostly to look through the scope and it took off."

"Fuck, I would too if a gun was pointed in my fuckin' direction." He thought for a moment and drew a hand across his mouth before resting it on the side of his face.

"Got a lot of gray in your beard," Sarah told him, squinting as she really focused in on his features.

"Really?" Negan asked with heavy sarcasm, "I didn't fuckin' notice."

"How much older than Alex are you? She's like what 33? You gotta be in your early 40's."

He stared at her and then mirrored her position with his feet up on the table. "You sure have a lot to fuckin' say that doesn't involve this car." Negan rested his hands behind his head. "Why don't you go back it there and get Jack for me so he can actually give me the details."

Sarah scowled. "I just gave them to you."

"How long was it out there?"

"Few minutes."

"Just sitting?"

"As far as we saw."

"No one getting in or out?"

"No." She sighed. "I just don't want it to be them."

"There are other groups out there," Negan reminded her. "You remember those guys who got in here and tried to steal our shit... could be people from that group."

"You think?" Sarah raised her eyebrows.

"I have no fuckin' idea," he said, purposely adding, "because your details are so vague," to get a rise out of her.

"Are you shitting me-" she began but he laughed and put a hand up.

"Calm the fuck down." Negan laughed to himself and then straightened back up in the seat. He folded his hands across the top of the table. "Why don't you and I set up a little investigation detail?"

Sarah did as he did and sat upright, laying her folded hands across the table. She looked him in the eye and leaned forward. "Now you're speaking my language."

"I figured as much." He shook his head and then looked back at her.

Sarah raised her eyebrows, intrigue plaguing her features and mischief twinkling in her teenage eyes. "What do you have in mind?"


	117. Blinds

**Happy holidays everyone. I hope everyone has a great weekend. :)**

Negan hammered away at a piece of solid wood, securing it high in a tall tree that overlooked The Manor and the surrounding areas. Sarah stared up at him, sighing several times until he finally completed the first tree blind that would allow them the high ground and extra eyes on the opposite side of the walls of the community.

"What the hell are you sighing for?" he asked, slowly climbing down with the help of some sturdy branches and man-made footings he had put in to climb up into the tree.

"This is a lot of work."

"Oh yeah," Negan said, "I forgot you're used to just sneaking around all day, spying on peoples' conversations, sneaking off with the boy down the road."

"We pick vegetables." Sarah put her hands on her hips.

He hopped down the last few steps and landed next to where Sarah stood. "I think that kid needs to toughen up," Negan told her, "What's a man doing just picking vegetables? He ain't the fuckin' farmer growing them and tending to 'em. That's some fuckin' work... but picking vegetables and putting them in a wheelbarrow and calling it a day?"

"He's only my age, ya know."

"Shit... Carl was tougher than him at his age."

Sarah scowled. "How would you know?"

Negan huffed a laugh, "Because he almost killed me. Eric's scared shitless of me."

"He should be."

"You're not."

"Hell no," she confirmed with a laugh.

"So..." Negan looked her in the eye with a smirk, "You really want to be tougher than your future husband... or do you want someone who can fuckin' defend you?"

"I like being able to take care of myself," Sarah told him. She thought for a minute, "But you do raise some concerns." Her eyes shifted as she continued to ponder the situation and then looked back at Negan. "What are you thinking?"

"I think you should send Eric out this way and let me put him to fuckin' work is what I think."

"Let you?" Sarah laughed, "I like that you're sort of asking for my permission."

"I'm not asking for shit darlin'."

"Darlin'? What's this an old Western cowboy flick?" She laughed again and Negan leaned an arm against the tree. He shook his head and stared at her.

"You know, one of these days I oughta put you in your place for fuckin' talking to me the way you do."

"But you won't." Sarah reached for the hammer but he drew his hand back. "Come on."

"Fuck no." Negan egged on the banter, "You'd hammer your thumb trying to put a damn nail in. You're a klutz."

"I am _not_ a klutz."

"A little bit." He reached down for a piece of wood in a wheel barrow they'd brought out and began nailing on one more footing against the tree, purposely ignoring her pleas to let her help him.

"Come on Negan," Sarah begged, "Let me just do it. It's the easiest thing in the world to do." She tried reaching past him but he positioned his body in front of her, boxing her out with his back. "Come on!"

"Nope." He laughed as she pressed on with her struggle and then he moved out of the way when the footing was secure.

Sarah glared at him for a moment and then attempted to pry it off the tree with no success. Her struggle made him laugh out loud a little harder, ending with Sarah smacking the piece of wood and kicking the tree.

"Relax kid, Jesus." Negan continued to laugh, holding his stomach with one hand as he did.

She reached for the hammer again, this time snatching it from the loose hold he had on it. The two of them stared at one another for a minute, Negan with a wide smile and a few decompressing chuckles and Sarah with a glare.

"Why the fuck are you so mad?" he asked, "I'm kidding with ya. You know... how you just fuckin' made fun of me."

Sarah hit the footing with the hammer once where the nail was already in place and then stormed past him. "I don't know _what_ Alex sees in you."

Negan laughed some more and then called after her. "Where are you going?"

"To get Eric," she replied, not looking back as she headed to the gate.

"So you agree with me then?" Negan shouted, "Meaning you think I'm right?"

Sarah rose her middle finger in the air and kept going, leaving him there by himself. Only about ten minutes had passed before she and Eric returned and Negan held a hand out.

"Hammer," he said simply.

She reluctantly handed it back and then looked to Eric, who stared up at Negan.

"First off," he said, "Get that scared shitless look off your face"

"Yes sir." Eric visibly tried to change his features but was unsuccessful.

"This blind is done," Negan told them, lifting the handles of the wheelbarrow. "You can go up and have a look around if you want. I want to set up a few more today. You going to help me with this shit or not?"

Eric nodded and Sarah slowly turned back to Negan. "You going to let me do some construction?"

He nodded. "Come on... we have to find a second spot."

The three of them wandered around the woods for several minutes and Negan turned to them when a walker stumbled in their direction from afar.

Sarah removed a knife from her belt. "I got it."

Negan put a hand up. "No."

"Negan, I can-"

"I know you can!" he rose his voice. "I know." He looked to Eric, "Can you?"

"Can I what?" Eric asked, swallowing hard.

"Can you dance with it?" Negan asked him sarcastically. "Can you fuckin' kill it?"

"Oh... yeah." He nodded and shuffled around, grabbing his own knife before hurrying off toward the creature.

Sarah and Negan watched as he swiftly shoved the knife into the side of the walker's skull before heading over to rejoin them.

"Better than I thought." Negan grinned. "Can you shoot?"

"I can shoot," Eric confirmed with a nod, "Practice on pumpkins and stuff once in a while."

Sarah looked up at Negan, trying to see if he approved at all but the look on his face gave no indication one way or another. When no one said anything further they continued on until they found another high, sturdy tree that overlooked a road adjacent to The Manor.

"Here we go," Negan said, "Let's start." He handed Sarah back the hammer and reached in to get a small piece of wood. "You're up soldier."

Sarah hesitated, and then looked up the tree before finding a spot to start. "Here good?"

"Good as any." He nodded, "Go ahead."

She hammered the piece of the wood to the tree and fiddled with it once the nail was all the way in. "Should I put a second one?"

Negan leaped up onto it, putting all of his weight on the footing before hopping own. "One more on the bottom half."

Sarah did as he suggested and then smiled before passing the hammer to Eric. "Your turn."

Eric took a deep breath and mimicked what she had done, putting another footing a few feet up in the same fashion.

Negan sat back and watching, allowing them to put the initial parts together until a small ladder-like structure began to form. He stood below them as they climbed higher, ready for one of them to fall if they were to lose their footing in the process. When it never happened and he was satisfied with the height he took it upon himself to lay the platform.

"Good fuckin' work," Negan shouted down as he finished up, seeing their eyes focused on him. "You want to come up?"

"Yeah!" Sarah shouted, making Eric grin.

"Go ahead," he offered, "You first."

"Don't lose your footing," Negan shouted down, "Go slow."

The two of them eased their way up high into the tree, joining Negan and stared out at the land that surrounded them.

"Whoa." Eric smiled and placed his hands on a large branch. "This is awesome. You can see everything."

"It's higher than the watch tower," Sarah confirmed with a nod of approval."

Negan nodded back in agreement, "Simple design," he told them. "But it fuckin' works."

"Hell yeah." She smiled and stared around again, "Those trees go on forever."

The three of them stood there in silence for a minute taking it in and Negan grinned. "Not bad kids."

"Hey..." Eric pointed, "Hey look!"

Negan followed his stare and Sarah jumped up beside him.

"Easy," Negan told her, before focusing on what Eric had spotted. In the distance down the road the rusty blue and white truck from earlier sat running with its brake lights glowing red.

"That's the truck!" Sarah whispered anxiously, looking back at Negan, "That's the one I was telling you about."

He didn't take his eyes off of the vehicle, eager to see if someone might emerge. "Stay quiet."

"What truck?" Eric whispered.

"A weird truck was parked outside of The Manor," Sarah whispered back, "That's it." She pointed.

"Sit tight," Negan said again. "I want to see who these motherfuckers are."


	118. Pep Talk

**Merry Christmas! 2 days of non stop eating... can you say food coma? Hope everyone is enjoying the holiday weekend :)**

* * *

"For the twentieth fucking time Alex..." Negan stopped himself and toned it down, "No... I didn't see who they were."

Lucy stood up in her crib, holding onto the side and reached an arm out toward Negan.

"Get her," he said with a big yawn and the slumped down onto the edge of the bed.

Alexandra rose to her feet from where she was laying in the center of the bed. "She wants you."

Negan laid down flat and stared up at the ceiling with his legs still hanging off the end of the bed. He put his hands over his face. "I'm fucking tired."

Lucy began to cry and Alexandra did her best to comfort her. "It's okay, honey. Shh..." She rocked her back and forth before hurrying out of the room and down the stairs to get a bottle. At the same time the front door opened and closed and Sarah came rushing inside.

"What the fuck is with all the noise?" Negan asked aloud to no one in particular.

Sarah climbed the stairs. "What's up your ass?"

"Go to your fuckin' room kid."

"Is it because we didn't figure out who was in the truck? Because I'm-"

Negan sat up and looked out into the hallway where she stood. "Go to your room," he said more calmly, cutting her off. For whatever reason he felt his patience slipping by the second.

Sarah made a face and kicked off her shoes, sending them flying into her bedroom that shared a wall with his and Alexandra's. "I'm showering first... and then maybe I'll go to my room."

"Whatever kid," he sighed, "I'm not fucking fighting with you tonight." Negan pushed himself up to the head of the bed and rested his head on one of the pillows on his side. His hair, still wet from the shower left an imprint on the pillow that left him struggling to get comfortable. "Fucking all wet..." he grumbled to himself. He peeled off his shirt, tossed the covers over himself and closed his eyes.

Alexandra took the stairs, re-entered the room and sat down beside Negan on his side of the bed with Lucy clinging to her. "What's going on?" she asked him.

His eyes flickered open and he sighed through his nose. "What are you talkin' about?"

"Da da da da da," Lucy mumbled, waving her arms.

Negan managed a closed-mouth smile and Alexandra looked down at him. "Why are you in this mood?" She gave in and let Lucy free. Immediately she pawed her way over the top of Negan and to the opposite side of the bed where she rolled onto her back and struggled to get back on all fours.

Alexandra smiled as she watched her for a moment, getting ready to leap across if she were to get too close to the edge. When Lucy soon found Negan's belt near the foot of the bed, all of her focus on was on the buckle as she investigated the strange, new object.

"Why am I in a mood?" he echoed, "Because there is never a dull moment in this fucking world." Negan crept down a little lower, pulling the covers up past his nose so only his eyes were exposed. "It's this, it's that... it's something fucking else," he mumbled against the blanket, "I used to live and fuckin' die for a good fight but now I just want to be left the fuck alone. This weird fuckin' truck has to come in and now what? Now we're going to have some more fucking problems... you watch. You fuckin' watch." He closed his eyes and breathed in heavily once before laying silently under the covers.

"Do you want some cheese with that whine?" Alexandra asked him with a smile.

Negan opened his eyes again and she almost laughed from the childlike nature of the way he was laying. "What?" he asked, squinting as he did.

"You're kind of being a whiner," she repeated, still grinning. "You're a natural born leader Negan and someone who has thrived in this world. You've drawn in so many people, won people over, saved people..."

"Those fucking days are done."

"No," Alexandra shook her head, "No, those days are being recycled here at The Manor. The people here look at you a certain way. They don't look to Matt like that. Matt has been the leader of this place for how long and he looks up to you. That's saying something."

"Yeah..." Negan agreed, "That's saying I have a big mouth and a bad fuckin' temper and I know how to get my way... that's all."

She smiled again and shook her head. "Well, that's gotten the job done time after time so something's working."

"Mamamama." Lucy held up the belt and raised her arm in Alexandra's direction.

"I see it," she gushed, overemphasizing her enthusiasm. Alexandra reached an arm out and accepted it from their daughter before returning it to her eager little hands. "Here you go." She gave it back and Lucy continued with her inspection.

Alexandra returned her attention to Negan. "Do I really need to give you a God damn pep talk?" she asked playfully, "The man I fell for wouldn't stand for that. Don't go soft on me." She reached a hand under the covers toward his waist, making him jump, laugh and swat her hand away. Alexandra laughed back. "I'm just checking to see if you still have your balls attached."

Negan tried to fight back a smile. "I can't fuckin' believe I'm letting you talk to me this way."

"You need it." Alexandra leaned down and kissed his forehead, "Maybe I take _too_ good care of you." She smiled, "I need to toughen you back up."

"My fight is all gone," he played along. "I'm a lover now."

She laughed, seeing just from his eyes that he was smiling beneath the cover. "We can combine the two."

"We're fighters," he finally agreed, glancing up at her. "

"But I know what you mean," Alexandra told him. "There's always another worry in this world. We'll figure out what's really going on with this truck and the people in it... then we'll handle it." She smiled at him and leaned down to whisper in his ear. "Don't stop fighting."

Negan reached an arm up, pulling her down toward him. "Okay we covered the fighter part..."

"I think you need some practice."

He squinted his eyes. "Practice?"

Alexandra balled her fists and bounced up onto her knees. "Yeah practice. I wouldn't be scared if you if I saw you right now out in the woods one on one."

Negan let a slow smile spread across his face and then he began to laugh. "You sure you want to do this?"

Alexandra hit him on his upper arm. "What are you going to do about it?"

"You're going to be fuckin' sorry in a minute," he warned. "I'm tired..."

She hit him again. "No, I think you need this."

Negan chuckled and then ran his tongue against his teeth. He glanced at Lucy who laid on her stomach still fiddling with the belt. "Last chance. Let me fuckin' sleep."

Alexandra stared down at him. She smiled at first and then began to giggle from the serious stare he tried to portray despite the slightest smile on the curve of his lips. She raised a fist and he didn't flinch. When she brought her hand down this time he reached up and grabbed her fist making her laugh a little louder.

Negan held her firmly for a moment before pinning her down on her back on top of the covers.

"There's that fight," she choked out, slightly out of breath from laughing and him pinning her. Alexandra smiled from ear to ear.

"Don't pick a fight you can't win," Negan told her, holding both of her arms down above her head.

"You'll let me win if I ask you to," Alexandra told him confidently. She didn't struggle, just stared up at him with a lingering grin.

"Will I?" He tried to keep his features a combination of hard and neutral but a smirk escaped his lips.

Alexandra rubbed her foot along the back of his leg. "Yeah."

Negan tried to maintain control but he finally began to laugh and pushed her foot away, releasing her arms.

"Aww come on that was getting fun." Alexandra smiled, not moving from where she laid.

"Yeah too much fun." Negan looked down and adjusted the waistband on his shorts. "No bedroom sports until after that one is asleep." He pointed at Lucy.

She turned to their daughter at the foot of the bed. "She is really fixated on that buckle. I have to get those toys from Annie." Alexandra put a hand on her forehead as she thought about it for a moment and looked back to Negan who sat on his knees in between her legs. "You should try putting her to sleep." She raised her eyebrows. "So we can get these bedroom sports started."

He sighed. "She ain't gunna go to bed. Look at her... wide awake." Negan eyed Alexandra up and down, "You got him all fuckin' warmed up and ready to go and shit." He motioned to the front of his shorts and she shook her head with a smile.

"Men are so weird," Alexandra told him with a smile. She began to rub his calf with her foot again.

Negan chuckled. "Why?"

"Him?" She raised her eyebrows. "Women would never refer to anything as 'her'."

"You'll never fuckin' understand the way a man's mind works." Negan smiled and laughed. "And honey you shouldn't try."

Alexandra smiled again and then reached her arms up, waving her hands toward herself.

"I thought you were giving me fuckin' fighting lessons."

"We're moving on from that lesson..." Alexandra pulled him toward her as he leaned down a little bit and then left a ling, closed-mouth kiss on his lips. "Pep talk work? You out of your mood?"

"Out of one mood," Negan confirmed, kissing her again more forcefully. "But in another. So either way you have to deal with me."

Alexandra kissed him back and then laughed and pushed him away when he began to kiss her neck. "Lucy..." she reminded him.

Negan sighed and pushed himself off of her. "Give me a fuckin' minute and I'll take her."

"I got it," Alexandra offered but he shook his head.

Negan stood up and wandered toward a shelf with a short stack of books. He grabbed the one he had borrowed from Matt and Annie on the progression of children and handed it to Alexandra. "Some good fuckin' shit in there," he told her.

Alexandra smiled. "Thanks."

Negan ran a hand across her shoulder, taking the strap of the black cami she was wearing so it slipped off her shoulder. "I'm going to take Lucy downstairs. Get yourself more comfortable, read a little and if you're up for it then I'd like to see you wearing nothing but that fuckin' smile you've had for me all night when I get back."

Alexandra slipped her arm out of the second strap and then slowly peeled off the shirt. She tossed it at him and chuckled from the look on his face.

"My god woman." Negan turned and scooped up Lucy before the struggle to leave the room got even harder.

Alexandra continued to smile to herself and pulled the covers up over her bare chest before grabbing the book.

Negan turned as he was about to leave the room. "Thanks for the fuckin' pep talk honey."

"Every king needs a queen." Alexandra winked and he smirked before heading downstairs with Lucy.


	119. All I Want

Negan entered the bedroom and placed a sleeping Lucy in the crib, tucking a pale yellow blanket around her.

Alexandra tossed the covers off, naked from the waist up and smiled. "She's precious."

He turned to her and Alexandra smiled when he failed to speak and kissed her, pressing his palm and fingertips into the curve of her back. Her tongue danced smoothly against his and she felt his other hand tangle in her hair.

Alexandra's hands dropped to the stretchy waistband on his shorts and she eased his boxers down with them just enough for her to release him.

Negan stopped kissing her and sighed when he felt her hand tighten around him. His eyes flickered open and they made eye contact for a brief second before he ran a hand over the slight bump in her stomach and slid his hand down the front of her underwear.

Alexandra forgot about everything else and lost herself in the pleasure of the moment as Negan began to nuzzle her neck. The feel of his facial hair against her added to the hot feeling that was rushing through her cheeks.

Negan brought his lips back to hers and then watched as her lips parted with a moan as he moved his fingers in all the right ways inside of her.

When he felt the muscles in her legs tighten he stopped what he was doing and guided her onto the bed. Negan didn't bother to take his shorts off and slipped inside of her.

Alexandra moaned, trying hard to keep quiet with Sarah right next door. Her breaths landed on his neck and she gasped his name, urging him on.

Negan moved almost cautiously at first, having thought about the moment in his mind for the past hour. Alexandra had him aroused long before he'd come back into the room.

She pressed her hands to the front of his shoulders and dug her fingers into his muscles while dragging her knees up the sides of his hips. Alexandra sighed his name, "Negan..." With her foot she pushed his shorts down further, making him moan as he continued to thrust on top of her.

Negan had to stop himself, already feeling like he could explode if he kept going. He wanted to drag out the moment that Alexandra had started after pulling him out of the terrible mood he'd been in earlier.

He latched onto her breast with his mouth and slipped his first two fingers back inside of her.

Alexandra arched her neck and dragged her nails down his back. If he stopped what he was doing she would force him back to her. She arched her back when he pushed in deeper and moved to her other breast. The mid-loving-making foreplay was almost too much.

Negan was tormented by his desire for her. He knew if he continued his dominant position that the moment wouldn't last nearly as long as he intended.

Alexandra clutched his wrist, stopping him momentarily and then cupped her other hand around the back of his neck, pulling him toward her until his lips were plastered against his again. When he moaned desperately into the kiss she released his wrist and traced her fingers down his abdomen.

Negan's muscles tensed as she ran her hand over him and he allowed her to tease him with perfect, gentle touches that made his closed eyes roll back in his head. He let out a sigh and leaned back on his knees, feeling Alexandra release him from her grasp but kept her hands latched to his hips. Despite the gnawing, pleasure-filled feeling that radiated throughout his body he slipped his hands behind her knees and let them travel up the backs of her calves before gripping her ankles and setting them against his shoulders.

Alexandra made eye contact with him as he pushed into her and sighed as her hand squeezed against the side of abdomen. She sucked on her bottom lip with her teeth as his thrusting gained a steady tempo and she felt his lips graze her ankle that was still positioned on his shoulder.

Negan pressed the side of his face against her calf and felt saliva leave his mouth and slide down her leg. His fingers tightened around her thighs were he held her tightly and when he suddenly stopping himself again Alexandra let out another sigh and opened her eyes.

"Don't," she begged, clawing at his abdomen as he lingered inert inside of her for a moment with his eyes closed.

Negan slid his hand back up her leg and gripped her ankle a little harder before pulling out of her and rolling to the side so he was in a seated position. Before Alexandra could ask or say anything he pulled her onto his lap, reconnecting them immediately as she obeyed his silent demands and switched into a new position.

"I'm not going to last if we fuckin' stay that way," he huffed out, crashing his lips back to hers and pulling her legs back behind him so they were connected chest to chest as closely as possible. He let out a whimper into her mouth as she began to move her hips as they kissed.

Alexandra felt the damp lair of sweat on his back where she held onto him and the dim lighting in the room highlighted a glistening that decorated his forehead behind an intimacy-induced glow on his face. She could feel in the way his whole body was tense and he gave up full control to her that he was still struggling. Despite his pleading she didn't let up, cradling his head against her breasts and urging him toward an orgasm with her relentless pursuit of his body.

Negan had no will power left, looking Alexandra in the eye with his mouth partway open as she grinded herself on top of him. He closed his eyes a second later and tightened his hands against her hips as she whispered his name in her ear.

"Fuck Alex," he whispered back, his voice cracking. Negan wrapped an arm around her back, gripping the back of her shoulder and Alexandra felt him spasm and contract inside of her. The muscles reflexed in his legs and tightened in his upper body against Alexandra's fingers who still dug into his back.

When he finally came down off the high of the moment he pressed the side of his face against hers and clamped down gently on her earlobe with his teeth. "Jesus..." he said quietly.

Alexandra hugged her arms around him for a moment and then pulled back as he did so her hands rested on his shoulders and they were face to face.

Negan brought his hand to her face and traced her cheekbone. She guided his hand to her lips and left a single kiss on his thumb before drawing the top of it into her mouth.

"Mmm..." It was nearly the most Negan had said since entering the room and he watched her lips move against his thumb before pulling his hand back and replacing it with his lips.

Alexandra kissed him hard and then hugged him again before taking his face in her hands. She smiled once, looking into his big, brown, tastefully exhausted eyes and allowed him to kiss her once more chastely on the lips.

"You're my girl," Negan said quietly, clearing his throat. "Thanks for fuckin' making a man back out of me." He smirked. "No more fuckin' whining."

She smiled back at him, guiding his head against the top of her chest. Negan closed his eyes and held her loosely against him as neither of them adjusted from the position they were in. "Are you still going to let me take care of you though?" Alexandra ran a hand over the top of his head.

"Mmm..." Negan kept his eyes closed for a moment and then slumped down onto his back beneath the covers as she finally climbed off of him. He let out a loud sigh before flicking off the one, small light by the bed. When Alexandra didn't cuddle up against him he pulled her to him. "Come here."

She smiled and pressed her back against his chest, almost giggling when his hand covered her stomach.

"I know you already have a lot to deal with between Lucy, Sarah..." Negan chuckled once, "And me." Alexandra laughed back and he continued as he left a kiss on her shoulder, "But I can't wait until you have this baby and I get to see you be mom all over again."

"You must be serious about that... there wasn't one F-word in that whole sentence," she teased.

He laughed lightly against her and pulled her closer. "I think I was being a bit of a fuckin' whiner before because sometimes I just wish for you, for us... that we could just live. That you could go to work at the hospital, I could go to work at a school and coach football and raise our kids in a suburban fuckin' neighborhood... on a dead end... where they could play street hockey and ride their fuckin' bikes, and-"

"I wish that too," Alexandra admitted. "God, do I wish that." She shook her head.

Negan kissed the top of her back. "You make me crave this fuckin' family over all the things I used to want. I used to want all kinds of women at my disposal... no kids... power... possessions." He tightened his grasp on her, "Now... I just want you, I want Lucy and Sarah and the baby... and this house. That's it."

She smiled and turned to face him. Alexandra put a hand on his face. "I think I love you more right now that I ever have so far." She giggled and then kissed him, but then grew more serious. "That's all I want too Negan."

He took in a deep breath through his nose and kissed her again before she settled back down in his arms.

Alexandra closed her eyes, smiled and adjusted her head comfortably against the pillow. She linked her fingers through his over her stomach. "Now I'll finally let you get that sleep you wanted earlier."


	120. Stuck

Sun shined through a break in the curtains and Alexandra opened her eyes, waking from a cloudy dream that seemed to fade from her memory by the second. Negan sat on the edge of the bed with a small plate of fruit he was breaking into tiny pieces and feeding to Lucy.

"Is that good?" he asked as she eagerly clawed at the food with her tiny fingers.

Lucy dropped a piece of watermelon onto the front of Negan's white t-shirt. She looked down and then back up at him and pointed when she couldn't reach it. "Ah!"

He chuckled and reached down onto his lap, popping the piece of fruit into his mouth before getting Lucy a fresh one. "Open up," he said, waving it in the air above their heads for a moment before allowing her to have it.

Lucy laughed when she finally got what she wanted and Negan chuckled again before leaving a kiss on her forehead.

Alexandra watched their interaction for a moment, smiling to herself and then finally stretched and sat up in bed.

Negan turned around partway and flashed her a smile. "Hey Sleeping Beauty."

She laughed lightly. "Hey." Alexandra cleared her throat and tucked the white sheet around her. "What time is it?"

"Early," he told her, still grinning. "Somewhat."

"I didn't hear Lucy." She put a hand on her forehead.

"You were out cold." Negan laughed, "Snoring like a fuckin'-"

"I was not," Alexandra said with a laugh.

"Oh you were." He chuckled and stood up, flashing her a wink.

"Ma." Lucy pointed to the dish in Negan's hand.

"Mom or more?" He asked.

"Ma!" she pointed again and Negan handed her a small chunk of watermelon.

"More," Alexandra smiled. She looked around at her clothes that were strung around the room. "I have to get dressed."

"Take your time," Negan told her.

She yawned and then almost screamed but only jumped when the door opened and hit the wall with a loud bang.

"Fuckin' shit," he whipped around, slinging Lucy to the side and stared at Sarah, "Ever hear of fuckin' knocking kid?"

Alexandra sighed and pulled the covers up over herself. "What's wrong?" she asked her.

Sarah looked at Negan and Lucy. "I heard talking and Lucy so I knew you were up... we have eyes on the truck."

"How do you know?"

She flashed a walkie-talkie, "Eric just radioed in."

"What?" He placed Lucy down on the bed and turned to her.

"He's out on the platform."

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Negan turned and gave Alexandra a look.

"I've got her," she said with a nod, motioning for Lucy to come to her.

Negan popped a piece of watermelon into his mouth and then set the plate down roughly on the nightstand by the bed. "Fuckin' kids..." he grumbled.

"Hurry up," Sarah urged.

He reached for a pair of jeans that were in a ball on the floor with a small collection of other clothes he hadn't bothered to put away. "You know," he huffed, pulling his pants up over his blue boxer shorts. "You're a fuckin' pain in the ass lately."

"Fine next time I won't tell you."

Negan glanced back at Alexandra again and shook his head. "I'll see ya when I see ya."

"Please be careful," she said, shaking her head. "Don't go far... please."

He walked over and snatched the radio from Sarah's hand and placed it next to her on the pillow. "I'll keep in touch."

"Sorry," Sarah said to Alexandra, "We just feel like we have to keep an eye on things."

"Go downstairs," Negan barked. He shook his head and waited until she turned to leave before turning his attention back to Alexandra.

"Go easy on them," she said quietly.

"They're going to get themselves fucking killed." He leaned in to kiss her but Alexandra looked over his shoulder with smile she tried to hide as Sarah turned to look toward them. "Go!" Negan ordered, pointing a finger toward the staircase that she was just about to walk down.

"Okay, okay..." Sarah made a face and skipped down the stairs, leaping from the third step up and landing with a thud on the first floor.

"God damn kid-" Negan began but Alexandra pulled him by the front of his shirt and left a long kiss on his lips, one he ignited and then pulled back with an aggravated sigh.

"Be careful," she whispered again.

He kept his face close to hers, staring into her eyes. "You know I was going to proposition you after Lucy was done with her breakfast."

"You have more important things to attend to," Alexandra told him. She nodded toward the open door, "Go."

Negan tightened his jaw. "Fuckin' kids." He shook his head and turned to go.

"I thought last night you said that's all you wanted." She smiled when he looked over his shoulder and gave her a look.

"I'm starting to rethink that." Negan managed a smirk and then took the stairs to the first floor.

Alexandra smiled to herself when she heard him giving Sarah a hard time and then reached for Lucy, holding her high above her head as she laid flat on her back. "Oh this family is crazy," she said in a cheery voice, "Yes we are..."

...

Negan marched ahead of Sarah, who looked prepared to defend Eric before they even got to where he was.

"It's not his fault," she said through a series of choppy breaths from the walk-run combination through the woods.

He didn't say anything, simply looked ahead and glanced up at the first blind as they passed it.

"You know if we had the radio-" Sarah went on, but he cut her off.

"Shut up!" Negan shouted, stopping his march to turn and face her. "We had this fucking talk! I thought we understood each other."

She stared up at him, a scowl forming on her face.

"From now on _you_ listen to _me_!" He put his hands out to the sides, "I have enough shit I have fuckin' worry about without having to babysit you and your fuckin' friend out here!"

Sarah folder her arms over her chest and her scowl almost turned into a pout. She alternated between glancing at the ground, looking at him and eying the trees above them.

Negan went on, pointing his finger at her now. "We are doing things my way. Mine! Not yours, mine!" He slammed his finger against his own chest. "You fuckin' got that?"

Sarah huffed and continued to pout, looking at the ground now. When she didn't answer Negan sighed out loud, angry with himself for feeling bad at her reaction to his scolding.

"Answer me," he said in a quieter, softer tone.

She looked up at him, arms still folded and jaw stern.

Negan couldn't tell if she was being stubborn or about to cry. He stared down at her. "You're going to get yourself or your friend killed if you keep trying to do things without a plan. You work well on a whim, I'll give you that but that's not going to work forever." When she still didn't respond he gripped the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger. "I don't want to fuckin' yell at you so stop being so God damn reckless."

Sarah turned, somewhat satisfied by his last words and continued the walk toward the second blind. Negan followed a few steps behind and then stared upward as they approached where Eric was perched high in the tree, almost unrecognizable in his high-ground camouflage.

"Least that works," Negan said to himself.

Sarah began to the climb into the tree, taking each step of the ladder with reckless abandon.

"Easy," he called up, trailing behind a few steps below.

She didn't listen, continuing on at her pace.

Negan wanted to shout to her again but didn't want to distract her and knew she wouldn't listen after being mad at him for yelling at her. He shook his head, making his way up the tree and then almost lost his own footing when Sarah's foot skidded off the edge of a step and she hung with just her arms.

"Oh shit!" she called out, prompting Eric to look down for the first time.

"Sarah!" he shouted.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Sarah's feet struggled to find the step below that would secure her safety.

"Stop moving!" Negan called. He gritted his teeth and reached for her ankle. "Stop moving and I'll put your foot on the step. Hang on!"

Sarah took in a deep breath and did as he instructed. Her knuckles turned white from the grip she had on the tree and a tedious pain burned through her arms. She let her feet go limb and Negan guided her sneaker onto the footing. Relief filtered into her panic-stricken body and Sarah hugged the tree for a moment as she stabilized herself.

"Keep going," Negan urged, "You're almost to the top."

Sarah pushed herself past the fear of the moment and progressed the rest of the way, taking Eric's hand as he hoisted her up onto the platform.

Negan climbed the rest of the way and leaned his back against the trunk of tree with his eyes closed for a moment.

"Thanks," Sarah said sheepishly. She looked away as she spoke and Negan opened his eyes. He looked at Eric.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked him.

"Looking out." He raised his eyebrows. "That truck past by like fifteen minutes ago."

"You kids are fuckin' stupid." Negan turned and leaned his elbows on an oversized branch. He turned back quickly and swiped the radio from Eric's hand. "Alexandra."

Several seconds went by and then her voice came through. "Yeah. I'm here."

"Dig two graves out back, will ya?" he said, still catching his breath, "I'm going to fuckin' kill Sarah and Eric." Negan looked at Eric directly in the eye, "Over."

Eric's face dropped and he only showed a little hint of relief when Alexandra's voice came over the small speaker again. "Be nice."

Negan glared at the two of them and then stared outward onto the street that was visible. Several minutes went by and there was nothing but an awkward silence that filled the air. Sarah didn't speak. Eric barely moved. Negan stared outward like he was waiting for something, anything to happen.

Sarah moved from one end of the platform to the other every few minutes. Her eyes scanned the area seeming to want some kind of adventure. She finally paused and stood still, leaning an ear to the forest.

Eric looked at her and finally broke the silence. "What?"

"I hear something."

Negan turned around to face her but didn't say anything. They stared at one another, neither breaking eye contact until the sound became clearer.

"It's the undead," she said quietly. "Walkers."

Negan's eyes shifted downward and he leaned over the side again. A collective chorus of leaves crunches and twigs snapping combined with the familiar growls that they had gotten all-too-used to began to invade their territory.

"I don't see anything," Eric said.

Negan closed his eyes and shook his head in defeat. "Shit."

"What?" Sarah and Eric asked at the same time.

He shot them a glare and pointed before letting out a sinister laugh. "Oh you have to be fuckin' kidding me."

Sarah leaned over the edge as Negan slumped down with his back against the truck of the tree again to sit. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Quiet your voice and find a fuckin' comfortable seat." He looked up at her, "Because thanks to you two," Negan pointed back and forth between the two of them, "We're going to be up in this tree for a long fuckin' while."

Eric was afraid to ask the question, and he almost whispered the one-word question. "W-why?"

"Why?" Negan cocked his head to the side with a wide grin. "Sarah, tell him why." He could tell from the frightened look on her face that she had already seen what he had seen.

Sarah's mouth hung open and she motioned for Eric to join her in looking over the edge. He slowly made his way to her and they stared into the immediate distance. Approaching as a large mob of stumbling flesh came a pack of the undead from all directions through the trees.

Negan put the handheld radio to his lips. "Hey honey... don't wait up for me for lunch." He lifted his eyes to meet Sarah's, "We're going to be awhile... a long fucking while."


	121. Strangers Waiting

"Don't send anyone out into the woods now," Negan ordered into the radio. "There are too many. You'll get swarmed." He unclamped his fingers against the button and cursed. "Fuck!"

"How long do you think we'll be up here?" Sarah asked.

"Well I can fuckin' push you both off and end your stay fuckin' early," he shot back.

"Stop being so damn miserable."

Negan began to laugh and shook his head. "Oh, what a fucking day." He glanced at the radio in his hand, having told the members of The Manor several times in the last hour not to bother sending anyone. "This thing is going to fuckin' die soon."

"Is this thing sturdy enough to hold the three of us for all this time?" Eric wondered aloud. Panic hung in his voice and he pushed up and down on it with his foot.

"Kid," Negan said, "Man the fuck up and be quiet."

A loud beeping sound filled the air and Negan leapt to his feet. He glanced outward toward the road. "I'll be fuckin' damned."

"What is it?" Sarah asked.

He didn't reply, simply stared outward and saw the blue and white truck along with an old light blue Mustang with more rust than the truck honking their horns. A man hung out the passenger window of the truck smacking his palm against the outside of the door.

"You sons of bitches!" the man called out in a southern drawl, "This way!" There were more honks.

The oversized pack of walkers began to turn in unison like a flash mob getting ready for their next dance move. The growls became more prominent and it appeared as though the pace they walked picked up just slightly as their attention refocused on the loud noises in the street.

"They're drawing them away," Sarah pointed out. She looked at Negan for some hint of approval but he never took his eyes off the men in the street.

"Kid has a cowboy hat on," he said more to himself than anyone, "Thought it might've been Carl."

"Is it?" her eyes lit up.

Negan shook his head. "No."

"Carl's that kid who..." Eric let his voice trail off when the two of them slowly turned to look at him with eyes that gave him enough of a hint to shut his mouth.

There were more beeps and the cars began to crawl down the street slowly, drawing the walkers away from The Manor.

"They're going." Sarah grinned wide. She turned to Negan again, "Hey, maybe they're not bad guys. Maybe they're good. Maybe they can help us." She raised her eyebrows, a small bout of hope filling her eyes.

Negan turned to her. "Maybe," he said simply, and then turned back.

"Why else would they draw them away from the community?"

"Maybe they want our shit," he told her with a shrug, "And these undead fucks are just a barrier so they're drawing them away."

"Do you think that's what's going on?" Eric asked.

"No fuckin' idea." He looked down, watching the wave of walkers as they passed them by unnoticed. "Looks like they're fuckin' going though."

"Where exactly are you guys?" Jack's voice came through on the walkie talkie.

Sarah reached for the radio before Negan could and gladly spoke into it. "Stay put Jack. Looks like the undead are following the yellow brick road into the sunset... over." She finally flashed a smile at Negan, who fought back a grin.

"There's something fuckin' wrong with you," he said, unable to fight back the smallest of laughs.

Sarah was about to respond when Jack's confused voice responded. "Huh?"

Negan took the radio back. "That blue and white truck and another car, looks like a vintage fuckin' Mustang or some shit... they're beeping, causing a hell of a fuckin' commotion in the street. Can you hear 'em?"

"Yeah," he replied right away this time. "I hear it. You guys okay?"

"We're fine," Negan confirmed. "Just sit tight."

"Who's in the truck?"

"I've seen a guy of about twenty or so hanging out the passenger side. Can't see the driver or the people in the other car. Just some fuckin' yelling and hollering."

"The herd is thinning out by the gates here," Jack claimed, "But there's still a shitload of 'em."

"Stay as quiet as you can," Negan instructed. "We got to get most of them out to the fuckin' street and then clear out the rest. Fuckin' lucky on this one."

"Maybe these guys ain't so bad after all."

Sarah's eyes shot up and met Negan's when Jack's words echoed hers. He made a face and spoke back. "Can't confirm either way... but they just did a service, intentional or not. These fuckers should be gone soon. We would have had a hell of a problem on our hands."

"There's a car load of our people still out," Jack explained, "If they're in radio range then they can hear our conversation... if not then I'm going to have to keep yapping until they get close and give 'em a warning."

"Might not need to if they're gone for another few hours." Negan glanced down again and then back to Sarah. "You're fuckin' lucky."

"This day has been rather productive," she told him.

"We have different definitions of productivity then."

"Think about it," she went on, "We discovered that these truck people have another car and some friends... they drew the mob of walkers away from us, possibly saving us... we got a first hand glance at the walkers before they made their way toward The Manor, again possibly saving lives including ours. I mean, what if Alexandra had been apple picking out here and-"

"It's all luck kid," Negan cut her off, "All of that shit was based off a bad decision that could've gotten us killed."

A soft, constant pitter-patter began to sound off above them. Through the trees raindrops snuck their way down toward the earth, decorating the wood beneath their feet in abstract, little patterns.

"Rain?" Eric asked. He put his palms to the sky and looked up. The leaves that were being hit by nature's water assault from above flickered and moved just slightly.

"Great." Negan shook his head again, watching a single droplet strike his shoulder and slide down his leather jacket in all directions.

Sarah tossed up the hood on her sweatshirt and leaned against a tree branch. "Of course it would have to rain." She sighed, "I bet-" The branch cracked against her and she gasped, waving her arms to keep her balance. She reached an arm out toward the splitting branch, the increasing jagged edge beginning to cut her hand.

"Oh shit!" Eric shouted.

"Help!" It was the only word Sarah could get out before her feet slipped off the platform and the weight of her body cracked the branch in half sending her sprawling off the edge with a loud scream.

 _I'm going to die_ , she thought, _I'm going to ripped apart by walkers._


	122. Nothing to Lose

Negan didn't think. He dove head first off the edge of the platform and felt his hand link with Sarah's as he struggled to somehow keep his feet entwined with something that would prevent them both from falling. When he felt his boots scrape against the last piece of wood he gritted his teeth and cursed as his body began to propel downward.

"Oh fuck!" He eyed a long branch below them that was much too frail looking for his body weight. Still, he felt it might be their only chance and tried to keep his eyes open despite the snapping twigs and flying debris caused by their falling bodies.

"Negan!" Sarah shrieked, barely holding onto his desperate grip in the rain and the chaos.

The two of them sailed downward sending shards of wood in all directions until Negan closed his eyes and braced himself for the big hit against the branch he prayed would save them both. With a sickening crack his body slammed against the branch and his hold on Sarah's hand loosened.

"Negan, please!" she called up again, fear stinging her eyes as she stared at the grimace on his strained face.

The walkers were fully aware of their presence now and clawed at the trees with snarls and snaps of their jaws like alligators awaiting a free meal.

Negan cried out in his struggle to hold Sarah. A burning sensation shot up his arm, stemming from his fingers that clawed to keep her hand in his. He felt the branch bending at the will of his body and then the cracking sounds rang out again.

Sarah looked down, her legs dangling twenty feet from the walkers. In between them she saw another sturdy branch and felt like she had the ability to land on if she focused. On the same note, Sarah knew if she didn't stick the landing she would be dead; ripped apart by the undead. From her eyes, there wasn't much of a choice.

"I'm letting go!" she shouted up, feeling the rain begin to sting her face as it grew heavier.

"No!" Negan called back, his voice cracking from the pain and desperation. When Sarah released his hand he cried out and opened his eyes, watching as she fell downward. The moment seemed to be happening in slow motion and all he could do was watch, anticipating the agonizing screams that would follow in the seconds to come.

Sarah stared below as her body engaged in a two second free fall that ended with her sneakers landing in the center of the thick arm of the tree. She braced herself, bending her knees and finding her balance with her arms as if she was a on surfboard and then released a relieved smile when she recognized she was okay.

Negan's mouth hung open in awe and he felt life filter back into his body when he realized Sarah wasn't dead. Still, he knew the problem wasn't over as he hung almost completely upside down with the branch baring his weight splitting more by the second.

He took in a deep breath, feeling a pain in his midsection. _More lives than a fucking cat_ , he thought to himself, remembering Alexandra's words. In his head he counted to three and then pushed himself up so he was hanging by the strained branch by his hands. Negan knew it would be long before it gave way beneath his body weight.

Sarah looked up, blocking the rain with her hand and saw his feet weren't more than eight or nine feet from where she had secured herself. "Jump!" she urged. "It'll hold us!"

Negan glanced upward feeling little chards of bark hitting his face. He looked back down and saw Sarah had given him enough room to land. Still, he feared the weight of his drop could cause her to lose her footing.

"Hold the fuck on to something!" he called out. "Fuck!" The branch began to snap again and then his hands released it.

Sarah moved off to the side and held onto another meeker branch as Negan's big body landed beside her. He struggled to maintain his balance for a moment and then sturdied himself by the trunk of the tree.

For a second neither of them moved. Negan struggled to catch his breath and put one hand on the center of his chest and the other on the tree trunk. For a minute he ignored the world around them and the growls that came from below. He took a second to appreciate the fact that the two of them were alive.

Sarah, too, stood still with a shocked, appreciative expression on her face. Her shoulders heaved up and down and she swallowed hard before finally making eye contact with Negan. She was sure he was about to yell at her for be so careless up in the blind but what he did next shocked her.

Negan grabbed Sarah and hugged her, leaning his back against the tree and closed his eyes with a loud sigh. He didn't say anything at first, and Sarah hugged him back. She felt the anxiety wear off and reality begin to kick in. With that, she began to cry tears that she wasn't sure were happy or sad or both; maybe the effect of the post-adrenaline high wearing off.

"I'm sorry," she told him, trying to catch her breath with her face buried into his chest. "I didn't mean to..."

Negan was far too thankful that both of them were still breathing and he couldn't bring himself to be mad at her - not at that moment. "I know," he said quietly, still taking in long, deep breaths.

Sarah sniffled in and finally pulled back. She looked down toward the ground with blurry eyes. "What the hell are we supposed to do now?"

Negan stood still. "Now... we wait." He looked up the tree, "Eric!" he shouted, seeing no point in being quiet now.

"Negan! Sarah?" His shouts were shrill and anxiety-ridden.

"I'm here!" she called out.

There was a moment of silence before Negan shouted up again. "Kid, you need to radio in for some fuckin' help. Call it in now."

"Okay!" Eric shouted back.

Sarah stared down again at the growling walkers and then her head jolted up towards the street when the beeping continued, pulling some of the remaining members of the undead back away. "The truck," she said quietly, drying her eyes.

"We best stay fuckin' quiet," Negan told her. He took in a deep breath.

Sarah turned to him to agree, but then jumped when a spray of bullets rang out through the air. She clutched Negan's jacket, pushing her face into his chest with closed eyes as shots rang out all around them.

For a moment it was unclear who was shooting, where they were coming from or who was being shot at.

Negan squinted outward, beginning to see the walkers outstretched before them dropping to heaps on the ground. The young man with the cowboy emerged through the trees, grinning and hollering as the undead went down. Next to him was another young man in his early twenties with blond hair that hung down past his ears. Soon the walkers in the immediate area were dead and the rest were still being drawn away by the remaining men in the vehicles.

When the dust settled and the commotion died down, Negan stared ahead at the two strangers who stared at him with big smiles. The dropped their guns to the sides and then approached.

"You armed?" the blond man asked. "We ain't trying to get shot for doing a good service."

"No." Negan told him. He cleared his throat and Sarah detached herself from him to look at the men.

"Hi..." she said in a voice far more timid for her than usual. Her eyes shifted back and forth between them and then the younger of the two in the cowboy hat reached his arms up. "Come on," he offered.

Negan eyed the man. "You think about fucking taking off with her I'll find you and fuckin' kill you, ya got that?"

The man's eyes widened and he looked at his slightly older counterpart who lifted his hand up toward Negan at the same time. "We're not here to hurt nobody," he promised. "Hell, we just saved you from a pack of the rabid ones."

Sarah looked back and Negan, who nodded with his head for her to go on. He then made the short leap himself without any help and landed on the ground in the midst of the carnage.

When they were face to face with the two men he squared up with the blond man. "Why the hell did you help us?" he asked, "And what the hell have you all been doing lurking around here in that truck for the past week?"

He cleared his throat, "Well... my name's Casey. This is my little brother Richie. Along with my girl Shelby and two of our other friends, we're kind of vagabonds... been traveling from place to place. When one place failed, we'd look for another... and another... and an-"

"I get it." Negan put a hand up, "Were you with the two men who broke into our place and tried to steal our shit?" He lowered his voice and got closer to him.

"We don't steal sir," Richie informed him in a thick, southern accent. "If two men broke into y'alls place they weren't with us. We're a group of five solid. All of us still here." He grinned and tipped the front of his hat up.

"Good," Negan told him sternly, "Because those two men are dead now. We have a shit ton of people back there so compared to your fuckin' five I'd say we have the numbers."

"And he killed them," Sarah added, "Beat their brains in with a baseball bat until they were dead." She hardened her features.

Casey cleared his throat and put his hands up. "We don't want none of that. We're just looking for a group; some place to hang our hates so to speak."

"Where'd you come from?" Negan asked, "Originally."

"Tennessee," Richie informed him with a nod, "Done a lot of traveling over the years."

"Ever kill anybody?"

"In self defense," Casey explained, "And a countless number of rabids." He motioned to the number of dead walker bodies around them.

"Every kill anybody that didn't fuckin' deserve it?" Negan asked him, looking him in the eye.

Casey swallowed hard and then slowly shook his head. "Not by my judgment, sir, no."

"Why'd you draw those fuckin' walkers away?"

He looked to his brother and then back to Negan. "We're fucking starving sir, pardon my French. So, I figured the least we could do was save your town here from these things. Shit, we know how to handle them just fine. It's people now. It's the people who are bat shit crazy."

"And what if we're the people you need to worry about?" Negan challenged. "Then what's your plan?"

Casey looked him in the eye and lifted his shirt to show off his withering state. "My ribs are showing more by the day." His mouth tightened into a straight line and then he spoke again. "My brother's more worse off than I am and I need to provide for my girl." Casey took in a deep breath and sighed. "We ain't got nothing to lose... sir."


	123. Introductions and a Plate

When the gates opened at The Manor there was a collection of people standing waiting with their eyes on Negan as he lead the march in. He recognized Alexandra first, who stood to the right with Lucy in her arms. A relieved expression hung on her face when she saw they were all back in one piece. The bumps and scrapes on both Negan's and Sarah's face made her eyes widen a bit but Negan's eyes said enough.

"Matt," he spoke, "I think we should meet down in the center of town... have a discussion."

Matt's eyes skipped over the five faces of the strangers who timidly walked in behind him. Casey clearly appeared as the leader as he walked up shoulder to shoulder with Negan to greet Matt. He was calm and humble as he extended his hand.

"Name's Casey."

Matt shook his head and nodded. "Matt." He looked to Negan who nodded ahead as Jack and Vince stepped in add to the security, ready to pat them down and strip them of their weapons.

Negan greeted Alexandra, more or less dragging Sarah by the arm toward her.

"Hey." Her eyebrows rose and fell and she spoke quietly. "What happened?"

"Long story," Negan said, "You and I will have some shit to talk about over dinner tonight, alright?"

Alexandra nodded, "Yeah, alright."

He drew his hand down her cheek and winked without smiling before leaving a string of kisses on Lucy's cheek. "I'll be back." Negan motioned to Sarah with his hand, "Take this one."

Sarah didn't fight. She walked over to Alexandra's side and Negan headed with the rest of the men to the same area where they had the town gathering not long before.

Matt had waited back to talk to Negan and approached slowly as he parted from his family. "Jack says they saved you."

Negan ran a hand over the scruff on his face. "Yeah..." he dragged out the word. "Those kids almost got themselves killed out there. Fuckin' miracle Sarah's still alive." He shook his head. "They killed the walkers below us at the bottom of the fuckin' tree. Sarah fell off the platform and I grabbed her. We both fell... long story fuckin' short we were trapped there. Casey and his brother there came through the trees, blew 'em away and here the fuck we are."

"Do you trust them?"

"I don't fuckin' trust anyone." Negan looked ahead.

The two of them stood in silence for a few seconds before joining the others where they were surrounded by Jack, Vince and a handful of others.

"Vince," Matt called out as they approached. "Could you go have Annie make the five of them a plate of pasta?"

He nodded and hurried along, prompting Richie's face to light up. "Pasta?"

"How long have you guys been scavenging?" Matt asked them.

"Regularly... close to a year," Casey admitted.

"Negan says you came from Tennessee."

"Originally," he went on, "I wasn't sure what state we were in for sure until I started seeing signs. We've been roaming trying to stay where the weather don't get too cold."

"Where were before then?" Negan asked.

"Before when?"

"Before a fuckin' year ago when you started roaming?"

He swallowed hard and looked at the girl who stood to his right. "We, uh, we were overrun."

"By who?"

"Another group." Casey took in a deep breath through his nose. "Shelby was with them. She decided to come with me when they stormed in and started killing people."

"So they just stormed in..." Negan eyed him suspiciously, and then looked to Shelby. "And for no reason whatsoever started killing your people?" He put a foot up on one of the pick-table benches and leaned forward with his elbow on his knee. "Hmm..."

"What you think we're lyin'?" Richie asked, "That's what happened. They wanted to take over our land and we weren't about to just let it happen."

"I didn't say you were fuckin' lying," Negan said calmly, "Just seems like an awfully random event to occur."

"Not in this world." Casey shook his head, "Said it yourself two men came in here and tried to take your stuff... right?"

"We didn't have the means to protect ourselves," another young man spoke up. "We had a few guns... some knives, but nothing that could compare to what they had."

"Who are you?" Matt asked him, "What's your name?"

"Lyle," he said with a nod, "Lyle Ulrich, sir."

"Are you all bullshitting us with this yes sir, no sir shit?" Negan asked. He took in the boy's at-attention posture and recognized for the first time he couldn't have been older than sixteen.

"No sir," Lyle shook his head, "My daddy taught me my manners and they ain't been lost... not even in a world as cruel as this."

"You ever kill anybody?" Negan asked him the same way he asked Casey.

"Yes sir." He nodded, habit-forming in the way he replied, "I've killed to protect us and our belongings. If I'm not mistaken I'd guess most of us have. At least those on the road as we've been."

Shelby stepped forward, "Listen we're hungry. We've been sick. We've been through hell," she pleaded, looking back and forth between Matt and Negan, "We'll pull our weight and do what we have to do. Please... please just allow us to stay." She swallowed hard, "Please."

Negan stepped forward and looked her in the eyes. "Why'd you leave that other group?" he asked quietly.

Her eyes were a combination of desperate, hard and broken though she didn't look away. "We battled it out for awhile," she confessed and glanced at Casey, "I started sneaking him some supplies because his group had very little... started giving him fruits, vegetables."

"We fell in love," Casey said louder, "Neither side would have approved."

"Because you were at war with one another," Matt suspected.

"That," Shelby confirmed, "And the leaders of that community... well they weren't fond of me being-"

"They were racists," Casey concluded, "Wouldn't have approved of me seeing a woman of African-American descent."

Negan turned to Casey, "Oh... so now we get the full fuckin' story."

"My group was wrong for taking their things," Shelby confessed, "But I have to say when their leader went down I wasn't at all unhappy."

"Were they all like that?" Negan asked, "Their group." He nodded to Casey.

"No." She shook her head, "No just their group's founders." Shelby reached for his hand, "We're like this day and age's Romeo and Juliet." A small smiled formed on her face.

"I love her like a sister," Richie confessed, a goofy grin on his face.

"And what about you Mr. fuckin' manners," Negan asked the young man, "What'd you think of all this?"

"My daddy was a preacher man who loved all," Lyle explained, "Didn't matter what gender, color, sexuality they were... heck it didn't even matter their religion to him."

"Priests ain't supposed to have fuckin' kids," Negan pointed out.

"He wasn't a priest. Our religion allowed for marriage."

"What happened to your father?" Matt asked.

"This world took him almost right away," Lyle explained, "He couldn't have done what I have to survive anyway." He shook his head.

"You?" Negan asked, "Who the fuck are you?" he motioned to the last young man in the back. When he didn't immediately answer Casey looked more directly at Negan.

"He's deaf sir," he explained.

"Deaf?" Negan and Matt asked at the same time.

Casey nodded. "Yeah."

"How in the hell has he managed to get this far on the road without one of his major fuckin' senses?" Negan was intrigued. He nodded subconsciously with a sense of internal approval.

"He's a fighter," Richie explained with another grin. "Most skilled marksman too we had at our place... plus he used to beat the hell out of anyone who challenged him in the ring."

"The ring?" Matt asked, squinting.

"Oh yes sir we used to have boxing matches once a month. Our type of entertainment." He looked at his older brother, "Even whooped Casey's ass once."

Casey began to shake his head and Shelby smiled, leaning up against him.

"What's his name?" Negan asked.

"Mikey," Richie replied. "Everyone stared callin' him Mike Tyson. You know... like the boxer." He grinned at Negan, who flashed him a look as if to say, _yeah I know who you're fucking talking about_.

Annie approached the group pushing a cart with plates of food. She stared around at the new faces and smiled, making eye contact with her husband for a moment as she waited to be more formerly introduced.

Matt cleared his throat. "This is my wife Annie. Annie this is Casey, Shelby, Richie, Lyle and Mikey." He went clockwise around the group and they all took turns saying hello or giving a polite nod. When he saw their hungry eyes on the plates of food he motioned to the table. "Sit... eat." Matt went over and helped her with the plates, offering them up to the five of them.

"Wow," Richie said finally, staring down at the food like it was gold.

Negan and Matt made eye contact, and then they each gave them permission to start eating before moving off to the side to talk.

"What do you think?" Matt asked.

"This is your fuckin' establishment," Negan explained. "Make the fuckin' call."

"They're all skin and bones," he pointed out, "Doesn't look like they've eaten much in weeks."

"Or months," Negan added, glancing over his shoulder as the five of them devoured the meal.

"Should we give them a place to rest their heads?" Matt asked again.

Negan turned back to him, "What'd I say?"

"It's your home too."

"As well as Vince's and fuckin' Jack's and everyone else's for that fuckin' matter."

Matt leveled with him. "You're the main guy here," he explained, "There isn't one person here who's going to tell you what to do, myself included."

Negan squinted his eyes and folded his arms over his chest and allowed him to continue.

"I want to know what you think... really."

He glanced back toward the five of them and sighed, "Expanding the farm right?" Negan asked.

"Four more calves were born to two different mothers... I'd say we could use the extra help with the extra livestock. Plus there's a litter of pigs that'll be with us soon and the chickens-"

"I get it, I get it." Negan huffed and then gritted his teeth. "We'll keep an eye on 'em... put 'em to work. Shit, that's how you built this place up right? The more people, the better."

Matt nodded, smirking when Negan acknowledged his efforts. "Yeah."

"Shit," he grinned back, "I gotta see what Mikey Tyson's all about over here. Can't hear shit and survived with a trigger finger and fists to fuckin' match. Hell... that's my kinda kid."


	124. Medical Attention

**Got this one in before the festivities! Happy New Year everyone!**

Alexandra met Negan at the front step as she saw him approaching the house. She flung the door open and waited as he approached to try to gain the details of what happened outside the walls.

"Who are these people?" she asked him, eyes wide. "I got some of the story from Sarah, but-"

"Come on," he towed her inside and close the door behind them before finding a comfortable spot on the couch. Negan pulled her onto his lap with a sigh and leaned his head all the way back with his eyes closed for a moment.

Alexandra traced her finger along some of the scratches on his face. "What the hell happened out there?"

"These people saved us," Negan said quietly. "I believe their story."

"There's only the five of them..."

"So they say."

"Do you believe that part?"

He sighed through his nose and opened his eyes. "I do."

"Sarah said you both fell out of a tree out there?"

" _She_ fell out of the damn tree," Negan corrected her. "I dove off after her... shit, I didn't even think."

Alexandra drew her thumb across a swollen bump under his eye. "You've got more lives than-"

"A cat," he finished, "Yeah, I know."

"And these people just showed up?"

"They were in that truck," Negan explained, "The blue and white one I've been fuckin' stressing about. Saw them from up in the tree blind beeping and drawing away the walkers that had us stuck up there." He shrugged, "Then they came and blew the fuckin' rest of them away and helped us out of the damn tree."

"So they've been lurking around... why?"

"Starving kids," he said, "They're looking for a place to call their own."

"You're sure?" Alexandra raised her eyebrows.

"No," Negan admitted, "But my gut is telling me they'll be of help. The kids ribs are practically showing. Should have seen the way they were scarfing down that fuckin' food out there."

Her eyes lit up again, "If they haven't eaten they can't just pig out." Alexandra shook her head, "They could die."

"What do you mean?"

"How much food were they given?"

Negan's eyes narrowed, "A plate of fuckin' pasta."

"Is that it?"

"For now."

She could see that he didn't fully understand her concerns. "If someone really hasn't eaten, if they're malnourished and thin like you said they could quite literally eat themselves to death if they have too much in one setting."

"Do you want to go out there?" Negan asked her.

"They're good kids?"

He shrugged. "I guess."

Alexandra rose from his lap and nodded. "I think I should warn them... and maybe get a look at them for myself."

Negan tipped his mouth up in a half-smirk. "I miss you being in doctor mode. Takes me back to the good ol' days."

She smiled back and extended her hand. "Care to accompany me and I can give you a health lesson?"

"What about Lucy?" He took her hand and stood up.

"She's with Sarah upstairs," Alexandra explained, "We won't be gone all of ten minutes."

Negan nodded, "Okay."

The two of them headed out of the house, giving a quick shout to Sarah and then met back with the possible new members of the community.

"Alex has some shit she needs to say," Negan said to Matt as he rose to see if anything was wrong as they approached. "Medical shit."

"Sure." He gave a nod.

Negan kept a hand on her back as she approached the five newcomers.

"Hi, I'm Alexandra. My husband says you guys haven't had much food."

Casey shook his head and nudged Mike next to him to get him to pay attention. "We've been living on rats... chives... fruit."

"Squirrel," Richie added. He made a face, "Snake..." He looked to Shelby who grimaced at the thought.

"Having scavenged like that for so long," Alexandra went on, "As difficult as it might be you have to try not to eat really fast, or in abundance. You'll have to gradually build yourself back up to normal sized portions." Her eyes landed on their collection of empty plates, "Wait a bit before you have more. You could quite literally eat yourself to death if you try to consume too much right now."

Shelby was the first to nod. "That makes sense." Her eyes dropped to the bump in Alexandra's stomach but she didn't say anything.

"Yeah..." Richie's face dropped a bit and he set his fork down.

"It's for your own good," Negan explained, "She's a doctor."

"I think it wouldn't hurt to take a look at each of you," Alexandra went on. She turned to Matt. "Would Nancy and William be up to it?"

"Of course." Matt nodded. "They should be in the building now." He looked to Casey, "The five of you could go now. Annie is making you up a place to stay as we speak."

"Thank you," Shelby said first, immediately being echoed by the rest of them. She looked to Alexandra last. "We appreciate the information... and the medical attention."

Alexandra nodded and looked back to Negan. She gave him a nod as if to say she was going to go help but he moved with her as she went. "It's okay," she said quietly. "Lucy-"

"Sarah's got it covered for a half hour," he explained, and then looked at the strangers. "I'm going down there with you."

"Sir, we ain't gonna hurt nobody," Richie began, drawing a look from his older brother.

Negan turned his attention on him. "Nobody fuckin' said you were. But since you bring it up..."

Alexandra looked at him and tugged on the sleeve of his jacket. "Come on." She then motioned for the five of them to follow her, "I'll bring you all down to get checked out."

They got up one by one from the picnic table and both Lyle and Richie used their finger to swipe one last taste of the pasta sauce before heading on behind Alexandra and Negan.

"Your medical supply is pretty good here..." Shelby assumed, glancing at Alexandra again.

"Yeah." She nodded. "There are a lot of supplies."

"That's amazing." She looked down and then was about to ask but Richie beat her to it.

"You havin' a baby?" he asked, a big grin on his face.

"You dumb redneck," Casey scolded, smacking his brother in the back of the neck and knocking his hat partway over his eyes.

Alexandra managed a laugh and looked at Negan, who was still stone-faced in his method to keep his guard up and let them know who was in charge.

"Don't pay no attention-" Casey went on again but Alexandra cut him off with a friendly smile.

"It's okay," she assured him, "I am having a baby."

"You're not afraid to..." Shelby smiled but shook her head in disbelief and looked at Casey for a fleeting second.

"Already had one," Negan informed them. "Went fuckin' fine the first time."

"What?" Shelby asked, "Really?"

Alexandra nodded and was eager to elaborate but Negan motioned to the building before she could. "We're here," he said sternly. "Go in."

Nancy and William were already putting together little stations in preparation for the brief medical exams they were about to give.

"Hello," Nancy greeted with a warm smile. William was more neutral and gave a nod as he went about his business.

"You look like my Granny," Richie said with another smile, prompting Casey to shake his head.

"Well I probably look like a lot of people's Grannies," she replied with a laugh, waving him over. "Come on... come with me." She made eye contact with Negan, questions swirling in her eyes and then placed a hand on Casey's forearm as she passed, "William will see you if you'd like. Go on."

He nodded politely, glanced at Negan for a moment and then went on, dragging Mike behind him. Shelby still looked intrigued and glanced at Alexandra, who was practically reading her thoughts.

"Come on," Alexandra waved her over toward the room where she and Negan had made home throughout his recovery. "I'll get you looked at in here."

Negan watched as they went, content that Alexandra was with the female of the group. He looked to Lyle who appeared lost as no one brought him along.

"What do I do?" the youngest boy asked. He stared up at Negan was eyes wide and his jaw tight with angst. "I don't know where to go."

Before Negan could reply, Alexandra peeked her head back in the hallway. "Come with me," she told them, and then looked at Negan, "You too. I have to put a butterfly stitch under that eye."

For the first time Negan let his guard down and managed a half-smile. "Yes ma'am."


	125. Unexpected Visitors

Alexandra pulled thread through a three-part stitch on the side of Negan's face. The slight twitch in his eye gave away the pain he was experiencing but otherwise he sat perfectly still.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm almost done."

"Take your time."

Alexandra's focus was fully on her work and she topped off the small job with some rubbing alcohol and a small bandage. "There." She leaned back with a sigh and placed the needle in a small bowl.

"Thanks doll." Negan ran his first two fingers over the stitches and then winked at her.

She smiled and stood up, rubbing the top of his arm. "Ready to go home?"

He looked toward the open door and then back to her. "I think I should stay on watch for a bit."

Alexandra hid the small bout of disappointment after having him gone all day and in dramatic fashion. "Okay," she agreed, forcing another small smile.

Negan pulled her to him and hugged her before leaving a kiss on her forehead. "I won't stay out all night. I just want to make sure they're legit."

"I know."

He tipped her chin upward to look at him. "Have to make sure you guys are fuckin' safe."

Alexandra gave a reassuring nod and repeated the phrase. "I know."

Negan leaned down and gave her a kiss.

"I was just thinking..." Alexandra started and then let the thought fade. She wasn't sure exactly where she was going with the thought.

"What?" he asked when she didn't continue.

"Any time I do medical work on you the days when I first met you come rushing back," she admitted.

Negan grinned and ran a hand through her hair. "You scared the hell out of me."

Alexandra chuckled and leaned back, looking at him more directly. "What?" She shook her head with a smile.

"You did."

"Yeah... okay." She continued to laugh lightly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, keeping the other pressed lightly against his chest.

"I'm serious," Negan let out a laugh with her.

" _You_ were scared of _me_..." Alexandra rolled her eyes.

"I've told you," he began to explain, "You made me feel things I thought were fuckin' long gone inside of me."

"This woman brought you down."

"No." Negan looked down and then back up as he shook his head, "No. This woman made me see that there was a lot more to this fuckin' mess of a world than just trying to stay alive. With you... I'm fuckin' living honey."

Alexandra nodded and smiled. Before she could reply the radio went off on Negan's belt.

"Negan..." Jack's voice came.

He retrieved the radio and held up to his lips. "Yup."

"You're going to want to come down to the main gates here."

Negan closed his eyes and shook his head, thinking out loud without initially responding to Jack. "What now?" He opened his eye and looked at Alexandra before finally pressing the button. "What is it?" he grumbled.

The two of them waited intently and Jack's voice returned. "There are people here to see you..." There was another voice in the background and Alexandra thought she heard her name. A second later, her suspicions were confirmed, "And Alex."

Negan shook his head. "Who the fuck are they?"

"Doctor... so he says. And another."

"What do they fuckin' look like? Give me names." He demanded. Alexandra could see he was getting angry and anxious as his hand subconsciously gripped the pistol on his hip.

"Dr. Carson," Jack replied, "He's showing me a picture..." The voice from the background began protesting again and Jack began to argue with him before replying to Negan, "An ultrasound," he corrected himself.

Negan and Alexandra looked at one another and he shook his head. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he responded.

"Dr. Carson is who delivered Lucy," she whispered.

"He wants to see Alex," Jack said again, "Says it's important. Should I turn him away?"

"Who the fuck else is with him?" Negan asked, "You said there's another."

They waited and then Jack replied again, "Morgan... claim they're unarmed. Pulled up in some old yellow rust bucket."

"Morgan." Alexandra sighed, "He helped me get you into the car that night. He helped me save you."

"Fucking..." Negan clenched his jaw and shook his head. "What the fuck is going on?" He ran a hand through his hair.

"Calm down," she said, "They're... they're okay."

"I don't trust-"

"Let's go talk to them... together."

He let out a deeper sigh and then Jack spoke again. "Negan..."

"Yeah..." he shouted into it, "Fuck, I'll be right there." Negan looked at Alexandra. "Stay."

"No."

"It's not up for discussion."

Alexandra narrowed her eyes at him. "Negan. I know these men." She shook her head. "I need to be the one to take the lead on this one." She nodded. "Trust me."

Negan hated the idea but gave in with a heavy heart. "They fuckin' try anything-"

"They won't." Alexandra shook her head. "I know they won't."

"They're Rick's people," he reminded her.

"I know." She nodded. "But they're good men. Morgan... you might not be here with me right now if it wasn't for him."

Negan could see the certainty in her eyes and then motioned to the door. "Okay." He took her hand as she reached out for him and then towed him a step behind her out of the room. "But if I feel anyone's getting out of line or aiming to hurt you in any way...they're getting a fuckin' bullet to the head just as well as anyone."

"I don't think we'll need it."

"Rick could be waiting in the fuckin' wings."

Alexandra stopped by the front door of the building with her free hand on the door knob. She thought for a moment, getting vivid nightmarish images of Negan getting ambushed and taken. She turned to look at him and reached for the Sallie talkie on his belt.

"Jack," she said into the receiver.

"Alex?"

"Yeah. Send the two of them in... shoot to kill if anyone else is out in the woods or tries to follow them in."

Negan raised his eyebrows and let a slow grin spread across his face.

Jack responded, "Yes ma'am!" with an accompanied laugh and Alexandra stretched the waistband of Negan's pants to clip the radio back on. When he stared back at her with wide eyes she stared him up and down for a moment.

"What?" She asked.

Negan managed another smile. "You know... I have a bad fuckin' habit of underestimating you."

Alexandra smiled and pushed the door open. "Come on."


	126. Surprises

The tension built as Negan and Alexandra walked to the front gate where Morgan and Dr. Carson stood surrounded by Jack, Vince and a few others. Negan's eyes immediately fell to their waists in order to identify if they were carrying guns in the obvious places.

Jack greeted them first. "They're clean," he said, "No weapons. Checked everywhere."

"No one outside?" Negan asked quietly.

"No. We have eyes on the woods from all around." Jack lowered his voice, "A few in that blind you set up nearby." He turned and peered over his shoulder before Alexandra gave the go-ahead to let them approach.

"It's alright," she explained.

Dr. Carson walked a step ahead of Morgan appearing far more relaxed than his stick-wielding counterpart. Morgan's eyes shifted around in all directions as he took in their surroundings.

"Hello," Alexandra greeted Dr. Carson. She managed a genuine smile, though recognized their parties were opposite sides of a conflict that still lingered despite the dormant nature of each side.

"Hi Alex," he greeted with a warm smile back. He let his eyes drift to meet Negan's and gave a simple nod.

"What are you guys doing here?" she couldn't help but ask.

Dr. Carson looked at her stomach. "So it is true."

"Yes," Alexandra confirmed. "I know things aren't particularly smooth between us and your group, but I'm forever grateful for what you did for me... for us." She looked at Negan, "And Lucy."

"How is Lucy?" he asked.

"She's doing great." Alexandra couldn't keep a smile from her face when speaking of their daughter. "She's healthy."

"Talking yet?"

She nodded. "Yes... some words."

"I'm glad."

Negan extended a hand and Dr. Carson looked down. "Thank you."

He hesitated and then returned the gesture with another nod, remaining quiet and neutral in his interaction with Negan.

"What... I mean why," Alexandra tried to phrase her question without coming across as rude.

"What are we doing here?" Morgan finished.

She cleared her throat and then nodded. "Yes."

"Dr. Carson wanted to make sure you had the care you needed." He motioned to the doctor. "Your friend over there, too. It's like they talk in code or something."

"Does Rick know you're here?" Negan asked.

Morgan shook his head and Dr. Carson mimicked the movement. "Nah," Morgan spoke.

"Where are you supposed to be right now?"

"Supply run."

"Rick lets his doctors roam around?" Negan asked, "Especially ones who are capable of delivering fuckin' babies."

"I had to come," Dr. Carson said, "I'm a doctor first." He looked to Alexandra, "Troubles with pregnancies can be devastating in our world now. I'd like to be able to help you again... if you'd like."

"You came all this way for her?" he asked. "Risking all that shit out there... Risking Rick finding out."

"There are good people still left in this world," Morgan assured him. He looked Negan in the eye. "And there are people capable to change."

"You think so?" Negan challenged, noting in the back of his mind that he was right.

"I know so." He nodded ."You're looking at one, and I think you've managed some changes of your own that I can't quite look past despite the things you've done."

"Like I said," Dr. Carson went on, "I'm a doctor. I love what I do and my patients mean the world to me... especially when it comes to new life. I've delivered six babies at The Hilltop, all successful." He looked to Alexandra, "What are the medical conditions like here?"

"Capable," she explained, "The staff is great. Delivered one baby."

"Great." He smiled again. "I just want to make sure you're okay. I understand you're stuck in the middle, but I don't care about the past. I care about the safety of you and your unborn child. I have ultrasound equipment as you know." He held up an old image of when Lucy was in her stomach.

Negan reached for it and let his eyes scan the black and gray picture. He didn't blink as he studied the image and ran his fingers across the center of it where Lucy's tiny body was visible in the form of blotches of white and gray.

Morgan watched him intently, reading his features - the slight smirk on the corners of his lips, the intent stare in his focused eyes and the glance he gave to Alexandra when he came out of the momentary daze from looking at the first picture of his daughter that ever existed.

"Honestly," Dr. Carson said, "I just want you to know that the option is there."

"How do we know you won't just take her hostage again?" Negan asked.

"Carl acted alone," Morgan informed them, "Rick had no idea that he had gone out into the woods that day. He never would have agreed to it."

"I could never use a person for leverage unless maybe it was to save the life of one of our own - like a trade of a person for a person; a life for a life," Dr. Carson said. "I would never hold Alexandra hostage."

"Rick might." Negan folded his arms.

The doctor looked at him again. "I'm just saying the option is there if you need it, that's all. And yes I came all this way to let the two of you know that... Alex in particular."

"I appreciate it," Alexandra told him, "You were a life saver for me... literally." She turned to Morgan, "And I never got the chance to thank you."

"You have nothing to thank me for." He leaned on the end of his stick with his hands and looked away.

"I do," she assured him, "You know why."

Morgan turned back to her. "All life is precious," he said, glancing at Negan for a moment. "All life."

Negan eyed him for a moment and then shifted his attention back to Dr. Carson. "Thanks for the option."

He nodded, seemingly having no other response when it came to Negan. Alexandra couldn't tell if he was afraid, angry or both but she knew the doctor who had taken care of her and Lucy was in an especially difficult situation and chose to try helping her anyway. With Dr. Carson she felt secure and confident. He had a perfect record in delivering babies and had up-to-date equipment to go along with it.

"You know where we are if you need anything," Dr. Carson told her with a half-smile. He reached into the pocket of his jacket and handed her a small pill bottle. "Prenatal vitamins. Have them."

"Thank you doctor," she said with a nod. "You have no idea how much it means to us." Alexandra put one hand on her stomach and the other on Negan's arm. "And Morgan-"

"No thanks necessary." He shook his head.

"Well thank you anyway," she said to him. "You both came all this way."

"You know where to find us," Dr. Carson concluded with a nod.

Alexandra nodded back and then walked up and gave him a hug. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He rubbed her back and then gave another nod to Negan.

Alexandra went to give Morgan a hug but he gave a brief wave and a nod. The two men headed back toward the gate with Morgan still looking around, once over his shoulder and then straight ahead as the gates began to lift.

"I hope they get back alright," Alexandra said aloud.

Negan turned to look at her. "What do you think?"

She watched as the gates closed and then turned to him. "I don't know," she shrugged, "I really don't know."

Jack and Vince approached and he spoke quietly against her ear. "We'll talk at home."

Alexandra nodded and then prepared for the questions of their friends.

"Everything alright?" Jack asked. He adjusted the brim on his baseball hat.

"Yeah," Alexandra nodded.

"Who were they?"

"The doctor who delivered Lucy," she explained with a nod. Alexandra reached down toward Negan's hands and he allowed her to take the photo from him.

Jack took the picture. "This is what he showed me when they first got here from down below I think." He grinned, "This is your kid?"

"Lucy," Negan corrected, "Yeah."

"That's pretty fuckin' cool." He looked back and forth between them, recognizing the slightly torn expressions on both of their faces. "How'd they find us? What's wrong?"

"He's part of Rick's group," Alexandra told him. "Both of them are. Morgan helped me get Negan loaded into the car when Carl took me and Rick took him."

"They still with that group then?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Negan said. "That's the fuckin' problem."

"He offered to deliver this one for us," Alexandra explained, "But that would mean going behind enemy lines again."

"William and Nancy delivered Chris," Jack informed them. "Ain't got fancy stuff like this." He motioned to the ultrasound which Negan took back. "But they've done it."

"Yeah." She nodded with a smile and looked at Negan. "I think I'll be alright here."

"We'll talk at home," he told her again.

"Should I tell Matt about this?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Negan said with a nod. "Don't keep shit from him. I don't foresee a threat, but..."

"He should know," Alexandra concluded. She looked back at Negan. "Are you staying out on watch because of the newcomers?"

"We got this man," Jack assured him.

"Yeah, I'm going home," Negan said, He put a hand on her upper back and squeezed lightly against the base of her neck. "Keep an eye on them kids."

"I'll have someone monitor their house."

He nodded. "Good." Negan tapped the radio on his belt, "Anything weird goes on let me fuckin' know about it."

Jack nodded again and tipped is cap. "You got it."

"Thanks." He turned to Alexandra. "Ready?"

"Yeah." She shuddered when a gust of wind flew in from the evening sky, prompting Negan to remove his jacket.

"Take it," he said, beginning to slump it over her shoulders.

"What about you?"

Negan gave her a look and Alexandra smiled and slipped her arms into the sleeves before folding her arms over her chest and leaning up against him.

"If it's the best fuckin' option-" he began but Alexandra cut him off.

"We'll talk about it later," she said.

"Okay," Negan agreed, holding the ultrasound photograph of Lucy out in front of them again. "This shit is unbelievable."

"Yeah... it is."

He swallowed and shook his head. "I missed all of this."

"Not your fault," Alexandra reminded him and looked up at him as they walked, "This is a little souvenir for you from the first time. And you've barely missed any time with Lucy." She rubbed his stomach and grinned. "You get to see it all this time around."

"I wouldn't want it any other fuckin' way," Negan told her.

She stopped them to give him a kiss and then they continued on their way. When they approached their home it was hard to see in the darkness but soon the silhouette of a person on their doorstep came into view.

Neither of them attempted to pick up the pace and Alexandra returned a wave from the person, who she recognized to be Nancy as they got closer.

"Well there goes the surprise," the elder doctor said with a grin.

"What's the surprise?" Alexandra asked with a grin.

Nancy pointed toward the doorstep. "I left you a little something. And something for Sarah, as well. I don't know if she'll like it or not but, hey..." She shrugged.

"Thank you Nancy. You didn't have to do that."

"Well, I know how pregnant women have their junk food cravings and there isn't much to go around these days." She pointed again toward the door. "Enjoy."

"Thank you doc," Negan said, flashing her a wink.

"Always a pleasure to be in your company Negan," Nancy teased. She waved goodnight and Alexandra smiled as they approached the door.

"What a cute little basket." She bent down to pick it up and Negan opened the door, allowing her in first. "Oh my gosh," Alexandra pulled out a Hershey's chocolate bar, "How did this make it this far?"

Negan grinned. "Eat at your own risk."

"Chocolate doesn't really go bad... right?" She shrugged, "I don't care. I'm eating it anyway."

He chuckled and headed toward the stairs as Alexandra wandered into the kitchen to set the basket down. "I think I found Sarah's," she said to herself, though loud enough to draw a response.

"What's mine?" Sarah came parading down the stairs.

"You sound like a fuckin' Clydesdale," Negan said from upstairs.

"What's that?" she looked over her shoulder.

"Come here," Alexandra waved a hand, "Look... Nancy left you this." She handed over an old Discman complete with seven or eight CDs.

"CD player?"

"Yeah." She grinned and held it out in front of her for a minute. "I used to listen to one of these on the school bus. Alanis Morissette was my favorite."

"Never heard of... her?" Sarah cocked her head to the side.

"Yeah." Alexandra reminisced back to her younger days for a moment and then handed it over. "See if there's anything you like in the mix of CDs there."

"Okay." She smiled and shrugged.

"What did you used to listen to?"

Sarah thought for a minute and then shook her head. "I really don't remember much." She continued to think. "I mean... yeah I don't know."

Alexandra lifted out one of the CDs and laughed out loud. "The Spice Girls." She raised her eyebrows. "I might be stealing these," she teased. "What else, let's see... Green Day. Limp Bizkit."

"Never heard of 'em."

"I would normally take that one away because of the swearing but you get it enough in this house." Alexandra smiled to herself. "The Beatles greatest hits. These are really random."

"I'll check 'em out." Sarah grinned and scooped up the short stack of CD's, "This is pretty cool," she admitted with a nod.

"Thank Nancy when you see her next."

"I will."

Alexandra reached for the chocolate bar again and opened the wrapper.

"No fucking way!" Sarah shouted, and then put a hand over her mouth, "I mean..."

She shook her head and opened the package before breaking off a third of it for Sarah. "Here."

"Oh thank you! Thank you, thank you!" She popped the chocolate rectangles into her mouth. "Oh, I can hear the hallelujah chorus."

Alexandra laughed and then opened her arms.

Sarah leaned for a hug and then sighed. "I'm taking these to my room to zone out for a bit."

"Okay." She smiled. "Thank you for looking after Lucy."

"You're welcome. Anytime." Sarah hopped to her feet, putting the headphones on and slung the CD's under her arm. She passed Negan with a quick greeting on the stairs and then the door to her room slammed shut as he entered the kitchen.

"Go ahead." He put Lucy down and she wobbled across the kitchen floor on two legs with more balance than the day before. Alexandra waited with outstretched hands and then scooped her up with a smile.

"What else we got?" Negan asked, tailing their daughter and reaching past them to rummage through the basket. "Nancy ain't leaving us some fuckin' _adult_ gifts is she?" He let his eyebrows rise and fall several times and Alexandra laughed.

"No, I don't think so."

"I think she has a thing for me."

"You're probably right." Alexandra played along with a laugh. She broke off some more of the candy bar and held it up to his mouth.

"No it's for you."

"Have some."

Negan was about to protest but Alexandra didn't let up. He finally let her slip a piece into his mouth. She winked and had a piece for herself.

"That is good," she confirmed, having a second piece. Alexandra broke off a small piece and handed it to Lucy, who devoured it in one bite before reaching her hands forward for another.

"Give it up," Negan said with grin.

Alexandra broke off another piece for Lucy's waiting hands. "Here ya go."

Negan watched with a smile and scooted his seat closer, throwing an arm over the back of Alexandra's chair. He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "I love you baby."

She turned to him with a smile. "I love you too." Alexandra reached for another piece of candy and slipped it into Negan's mouth.

"Mmm..." He began to chew it and then leaned in and kissed her. "More than you know." Negan kept his eyes closed and kissed her several more times in a row. "More than you'll ever fuckin' know."


	127. Hey Jealousy

"Hit that bottle out there," Negan pointed to beer bottle he'd set up in an open field nearby on top of a rotted, old car that sat alone.

He and Mike had been out both scavenging and shooting so Negan could see what kind of a marksman he truly was.

Mike pointed, "There?" he asked, "The far one?"

Negan nodded, purposely overemphasizing his words as he could see Mike was reading his lips. "Yes. The far one. On top of the car."

The young man nodded and set up his sights, eying the bottle through a well-kept scope that belonged to the rifle he'd come into The Manor with. After some days and an establishment of trust, Matt had made the call to give their weapons back.

Negan stood by, arms folded a foot or so away and never took his eyes off Mike as he lined up the shot. With a simple inhale and exhale, his finger squeezed the trigger and a shot rang out through the air at about the same time the beer bottle flipped and shattered into a million pieces.

"Nice shot," Negan said, immediately noting Mike hadn't heard him.

He smiled to himself and turned his head to Negan, who repeated the phrase prompting Mike to give him a smirk and a thumbs up.

"How did you learn to shoot?" Negan asked.

"My father," Mike replied.

"When did you lose your hearing?" he pointed to his ear.

"Right before the outbreak," he replied, "Took me awhile to get the gist of reading lips, but I think I got it." Mike paused, "Am I speaking loud? Casey says I speak too loud sometimes."

Negan shook his head. "Nah." He pointed up the way. "You're a good fuckin' shot."

He nodded back. "Lots of practice."

"Let's head to back to The Manor."

Mike squinted his eyes. "The man?"

Negan chuckled, "The Manor... home."

"Oh..." He gave another thumbs up and slung his gun over his shoulder. "Because the fish will go bad?"

"Yeah. Maybe next time we'll get a deer." Negan looked around the empty field and got a chill. "Let's get the fuck out of here."

...

When Negan and Mike arrived back at the community they brought the fish down to the cook's building.

"Here?" Mike held the bucket full of fish and pointed toward a building. When Negan pointed and nodded he headed inside.

"Thank you," Shelby exited the medical building with Alexandra as Negan made his way in their direction.

"Any time," Alexandra said, "Anything you want to learn I'm happy to show you. We're going to need as many medical professionals in the future as we can get."

"I'd love to learn more," she admitted.

"Well come see me whenever."

Shelby smiled and nodded and then gave Negan a shy wave as she headed away back to the house she shared with the rest of them.

"Protégé?" He asked with a grin.

"Maybe." Alexandra smiled and greeted him with a kiss. "How'd it go out there?"

"Not fuckin' bad. That kid's a hell of a fuckin' shot. They weren't lyin'." Negan put his hands on his hips as he thought. "I'm thinking of putting him and the brothers on a hunting team. They ain't scared of being outside of the walls and are just grateful to fuckin' be here." He looked at her. "They wouldn't put up a fight about it I'm sure."

"Good..." She looked at him with eyes that made him question her.

"What's going on?" Negan raised his eyebrows.

"I think Sarah may have hurt her arm more than she's leading on."

"What, from falling from that damn tree?"

Alexandra nodded. "She was nursing it at the house a little so I started paying more attention. It's pretty swollen but she refuses to let me look at it."

Negan smiled. "I can fuckin' see that."

"Will you talk to her? She listens to you."

"She doesn't listen to anybody."

"Please?" Alexandra tucked her hands beneath her chin and flashed him a smile.

He sighed and chuckled before shaking his head. "Well if you're going to bat your fuckin' eyes at me..." Negan looked around the area, "Where is she?"

"She's on the front porch of the house," she informed him, "She wasn't in the best of moods today."

"Any fuckin' clue why?"

Alexandra laughed for a moment and then looked at him. "I think she was jealous that you took Mike out to go fishing and shooting without her."

Negan gave her a look. "What?"

She urged him on, "Just go talk to her. She's probably still on the porch."

"Jesus, alright..."

Alexandra patted him on the butt, making him spin around. She laughed from the look he gave her.

Negan pulled her close for a minute. "I'll have to return that one later tonight." He turned and walked away, smiling as she chuckled and then headed toward their house where Sarah was sitting as expected.

"What the fuck's up champ?" he asked, taking the steps onto the porch like a lazy cat returning home. Negan slumped into the chair beside her and Sarah turned to him. "Alexandra says your arm looks a little swollen."

"It's fine," she said back blandly.

"Let's see it." Negan nodded his head in her direction and she let out an aggravated sigh before rolling up the sleeve to her shirt and extending her arm outward. At first glance he saw the swelling and some bruising by her wrist. "Battle wounds... good shit kid. Let her take care of it for you."

"I'm fine," Sarah repeated, "I'm not a fucking sissy."

"Nobody said you were," he said, keeping his dialogue purposely light. When she continued to sit with a pout he pried a little bit. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Well, kid, you don't normally sit on the damn porch all day with a fuckin' pout on your face."

Sarah turned to him. "Who said I've been here all day?"

"Don't look like you've moved much." Negan reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter to accompany it. When he lit up he purposely blew the smoke away from Sarah.

She looked at him for a moment as he studied the tobacco stick in between his first two fingers and then reached for it and tossed it to the ground before stomping on it. "What you're becoming a God damn smoker now?" she shook her head.

Negan stared at her in disbelief for a moment and the eyed the flattened cigarette on the ground in front of them.

"You want to kill yourself slowly do it when I'm not around," Sarah added, sitting back down. "Fucking stupid." She looked away.

"What in the hell has gotten into you?" Negan asked, more inquisitive than angry.

"I just think it's a stupid thing to do," she said, "Call 'em like I see 'em."

"Fair enough," he said, "But I'm a grown ass man. If I want an occasional smoke I'm free to fuckin' do it."

"Yeah, and if you do it around me then that's what's going to happen every time." Sarah pointed to the ground and then looked back up at him.

"Okay fine," Negan agreed to satisfy her. He tossed the pack of cigarettes onto a third chair a few feet away.

"Why'd you hug me in the tree?"

"What?"

"In the tree," she repeated, "You hugged me after I made that idiotic decision to fall out of it... you should have been fucking yelling at me."

Negan chuckled, making her glare at him even more. "First of all I don't think it was a decision to fall out of that tree and if it was then yeah I'd call it fuckin' stupid. It was an accident."

"You should have yelled at me. We could have died."

He shot her a puzzled look. "Why the fuck do you want me to yell at you?"

"To toughen me up," she claimed, putting her hands out to the sides, "Instead you hug me?" Sarah shook her head, "You're going to make me fuckin' soft, you know that."

"I don't even remember hugging you," Negan lied, "And fine fuckin' next time I'll yell at you alright. Jesus..." He paused and looked at her arm again, "We have to get this arm on some ice."

"Why do you do that?" she shrieked, "You change the damn subject when I try to bring something up!"

Negan shook his head. "Okay, you've officially fuckin' lost me kid." He began to laugh. "Why are you really fuckin' mad?"

"You don't even remember?" Sarah began to cry and Negan looked around the area as he shifted uncomfortably.

"Kid-"

"What if you died?" she asked, beginning to cry hard, "What if I died?"

"We didn't."

"We could have," Sarah said, sniffing in. She tried to dry her eyes but more tears came.

Negan stood with his hands on his hips looking at her for a minute. "I'd hug ya but I don't want you to fuckin' get mad at me for it."

"Why'd you take Mike out today and not me?" Sarah asked. "Fishing is our thing."

He looked around and sucked his teeth. "Sarah..." Negan cleared his throat and waited for her to look at him. "Is that why you're in a pissy mood?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Don't fuckin' lie to me." He grinned, making her cave. "Shit, I have to see what these new people can fuckin' do. Gotta get a read on them. See if they're good people."

Sarah wiped her eyes and looked up at him. "You really don't remember give me a hug after we almost died?"

Negan ran a hand through his hair. "Sure I do... I just... you said I was makin' you fuckin' weak so what the hell was I supposed to say?"

"When I get older..." she sniffed in again and composed herself, "When I can handle myself and make it on my own..." Sarah took a deep breath and paused. Normally, Negan would have told her to spit her out but he let her continue at her own pace. "When I get older... will you guys forget about me?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You and Alex... you have your own family. You have Lucy. Soon you're going to have another baby. I just tag along-"

Negan laughed and pulled her in for a hug. "That's what this is all about... I fuckin' get it now."

"That's what what's all about?" Sarah began to cry again and hugged him hard enough that he had to adjust so he could breath right.

"We're family, kid," Negan told her, putting a hand on the back of her head. "Time and shit ain't going to change that. I could have ten kids and you'd still be..." He paused, not overly comfortable with letting his emotional guard down but he figured it was appropriate. "You'd still be like a daughter to me, kid, alright... and Alex too." Negan let out a big sigh and Sarah let go of him. He nodded at her, "And fishing is our thing, but don't get all fuckin' sappy on me if I go without you once in awhile."

"Fair enough." She swallowed hard and took in a deep breath before wiping the last of her tears away.

Negan pointed to her arm. "Go let Alexandra check that shit out, will ya. Don't give her a hard time."

"I didn't..." Sarah began but then nodded. "Fine."

He laughed again to himself, looked around and then smiled wide at her. "And tuck that bottom lip back in. No more fuckin' cryin'. I don't need you getting soft on me." Negan pointed at her, "Ya got it?"

Sarah managed a laugh. "Got it." She walked past him and Negan patted her on the back.

"And go blow your nose when you get there," he added. "Don't want what's his face to see you with a bunch of snots running down your face."

Her eyes lit up and she sniffed in again. "Fuckin' right about that."

Negan laughed and watched her go for a minute and then shook his head before heading inside to enjoy a rare moment to himself.


	128. Past and Future

**I know lots of chapters lately. Last night off from work so I've had some free time on my hands! :) Hope all is well and Happy New Year!**

Alexandra held Lucy against her chest and came in through the front door. She closed it and leaned up against it for a minute with her eyes closed and only opened them when she heard Negan greet her.

"How's mama bear fuckin' doing?" He rounded into the room from the kitchen wearing a pair of mesh shorts.

"Exhausted," Alexandra admitted. She smiled. "I see you got Sarah to cave. I have her arm in a hard brace."

"Yeah talked some shit out," Negan admitted with a smile. He leaned an arm on the open doorway.

Alexandra walked toward him passing by a small mirror. She made a face and groaned. "Ugh... I look like a walker."

Negan chuckled. "On the walker scale I'd give ya fuckin' ten."

"I really do." She laughed but shook her head.

Negan met her halfway and pulled her back in front of the mirror. He positioned himself behind her.

"You look good," Alexandra told him, making eye contact in the mirror.

Negan stared back. "There is never a time when you don't."

"Now..." She smirked, "I look so tired." Alexandra ran her fingers over the slightest bags under her eyes and then readjusted Lucy in her arms. "She's getting heavy."

"I'll take her." He leaned in and kissed the area just below her ear, closing his eyes for a second and then reopening them to make eye contact again. Negan didn't stop what he was doing and continued to trail kisses down her neck until he got to where her shirt cut him off.

Alexandra bit down on her lower lip and hadn't realized she closed her eyes until they fluttered back open.

Negan backed away and then took Lucy from her. "Snores like her mama," he whispered, winking as Alexandra smiled and laughed lightly. She looked at him with a sigh and admired him for a moment as he took the set of stairs to the second floor. Her eyes landed on a tattoo that was positioned on his upper back and the band on his boxer-briefs that was visible just slightly above the top of his shorts. His hair hung by his ears just a little longer than usual and teased the back of his neck.

Alexandra took the stairs behind him, taking the first door into the bathroom. She turned the water on and threw some on her face before letting out another decompressing sigh as she looked at herself in the mirror again. When Negan walked in and leaned an arm on the doorway again she took a moment to show her admiration for him.

"You are the sexiest human being alive." Alexandra studied the muscles in his chest as well as the scars he'd gathered along the way, ending with the latest one on his face that she had just patched up.

Negan looked down sheepishly and laughed. "Well the number of human beings has significantly decreased in the last five years."

"I mean it," she said approaching him. Alexandra ran a hand through his hair and down his face, leaving him with a lopsided smirk as his eyes studied her. She left a kiss on his lips that lingered for several seconds and then backed away.

Negan wandered into the bathroom a step behind her and Alexandra stared back into the mirror again. "You don't feel that way?" he asked her, "Right now..."

She took in a deep breath through her nose and then gave the smallest smile. "No."

"Hmm..." He stepped behind her in the mirror again. "Well... I'm going to have to change your opinion on that." Negan kissed her on the cheek and wandered over toward closet. "Lose the clothes."

Alexandra watched him fumble around inside some small bins before removing lotion. She peeled off the shirt she was wearing and smiled when she felt Negan's hand unlatch her bra at the same time.

"And how many times have you done that?" She asked with a laugh.

"First time," he teased.

Alexandra shook her head with a grin and then ran a hand over her bare stomach.

Negan put some lotion in his palm and rubbed his hands together before placing them on her shoulders. When his thumbs began to dig into her upper back and neck Alexandra closed her eyes.

"Starting to loosen up doll?" he asked with a smile.

She could feel him staring at her in the mirror and let another smile escape her lips. "That feels great."

Negan placed his thumbs in the center of her back, lightly gripping the exterior of her torso with his fingers and ran his hands down the length of her back. The lotion allowed for an easy glide and he brought his hands back up to really dig in to her shoulders.

"Fuckin' tense honey."

"That's what you're here for," Alexandra replied with a chuckle.

Negan grinned drawing his hands back down to the lowest part of her back, purposely sliding her pants down a couple of inches as he did.

Alexandra bent over slightly, purposely pushing herself back into him. She leaned her elbows on the sink and opened her eyes, meeting Negan's in the reflection. His hands moved up her body again and he positioned them on the tops of her shoulders, still digging in with his thumbs.

"Mmm... what did I do to deserve treatment like this?" she asked.

Negan's hands wandered to her breasts and he stood her more upright so her back was pressed to her chest. "Don't ever think you're anything less than fuckin' perfect," he whispered in her ear.

Alexandra felt his arms tighten around her and when she saw his eyes close she covered his hands with her own.

"I'll pay my debt for all I've done in this life when I meet my maker," Negan went on. He spoke against her cheek. "But I will not do another human being harm in this life unless it's a means of protecting us; self defense. You are the reason. You lost your family and friends and still chose to live with love in your heart." He let out a breath, "I chose anger, hate and rage for so long."

"That was a lifetime ago now," Alexandra reminded him, whispering back.

"The things I did don't just go away," he told her, "But I will live in a way that is deserving of your love from now on."

Alexandra swallowed hard and reached a hand up to place on his face without turning to him. Negan kissed her shoulder and then held her close and opened his eyes. One hand drifted to her stomach and he kept the other arm secured across her chest and wrapped his fingers around the back of her opposite shoulder.

He sighed and looked in the mirror. "Remember when we talked about the first one... Lucy."

Alexandra nodded. "Scary thought wasn't it?"

"Yeah." His voice was low; scratchy. "I love this family Alexandra."

"I know." She smiled.

"I hope my sins of the past don't come back to take it all away."

"We've all done things," Alexandra whispered.

"Not you," Negan reminded her. He removed one of his hands to tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear. "You're a godsend."

Alexandra shook her head. "You're not beyond redemption Negan. You're a great dad; a great husband. You're a great role model for Sarah... aside from the swearing." She smiled and saw him grin as he bowed his head so his forehead rested on her shoulder. "You have love in your heart too."

"Because of you."

"Likewise."

Negan lifted his head again. He stared into the mirror at the two of them. "I wish I could take a fuckin' picture right now," he said.

Alexandra smiled, "I could use a little makeup to cover up the bags under my eyes, but-"

"Yeah and my face is all stitched up." Negan smiled and turned his face slightly so his wounds were more front and center.

Alexandra sighed contently and leaned her head so it rested on his. Neither of them said anything for a minute and then she finally spoke. "For the record... you make me love too. You make me love deeper than I ever knew was possible, for you and for Lucy. Soon for this one." She put her hand over his on her stomach. "If being directly responsible for giving someone the ability to love unconditionally won't get you some type of pardon then I don't know what will."

Negan sighed and then kissed her shoulder. "You're the only type of Heaven I'll ever experience... and I'm more than fine with that shit." He pulled back and Alexandra faced him completely. She placed her hands on either side of his face and kissed him once.

"I'm sorry for hurting you that time," Negan told her.

"What?" Alexandra kept one hand on his face, drawing her thumb along the bandage on his cheek bone. She saw his facial features twist a bit as if he was in pain and she brought him to her closer, hugging his head against the top of her chest.

Negan felt his emotions betray him and he began to cry against her.

"Negan..." she rubbed his back and held him close.

"I told you I didn't want you... I made you fuckin' cry," Negan said.

"That was a long time ago."

"You didn't deserve it." Negan pulled back and looked at her. He put his hand on her face now. His damp, red eyes made it difficult for Alexandra to hold it together.

"Its okay," she assured him. Alexandra managed a smile. "I forgave you right away for that."

"You feel okay?" Negan asked. He attempted to dry his eyes with one hand and let out a loud sigh.

"I feel fine," she assured him. "Why?"

"I'm fuckin' scared doll. Maybe it's because I wasn't right there with you when you were pregnant with Lucy, but if something happens to you with this time around when you're giving birth I'll never fucking forgive myself."

"Negan." Alexandra brushed his hair back. "I'm happy. I'm healthy. Women were having babies and surviving hundreds of years ago." She smiled at him. "Don't waste your worries on me... really. I'm fine... more than fine." She grinned wider. "I'm genuinely happy."

Negan straightened up and let out a decompressing sigh.

"Stop beating yourself up about the past," Alexandra told him. "Because we have a really great future."

He cleared his throat and put his hands on his hips but didn't say anything.

Alexandra took a few steps toward the shower and turned it on. She could see Negan was still caught up in the emotion of the moment and so she lightened the mood by swiftly ripping his shorts down so they sat loosely around his ankles.

"You still owe me half a massage," she teased, taking off the rest of her clothing before reaching for his hand.

Negan stepped out of his shorts and allowed her to tow him into the shower. He watched as she squeezed some shampoo into her hand and then led him under the water.

"Your hair's getting long." Alexandra smiled at him when his eyes reopened and began to run shampoo through his hair.

"Want to cut it for me?" He closed his eyes.

She smiled. "I like it a little shaggy."

Negan gave a small smile and allowed her to continue before finally stepping under the warm water. He slicked his hair back with his hands and then opened his eyes to look at her. "Thanks doll."

Alexandra smiled and brushed his hair back some more. She kissed him again.

"Don't tell anyone I, well..." He motioned to his eyes. "I just yelled st Sarah for crying today."

She shook her head. "As always... your secret is-"

"Safe with me," Negan concluded. They shared a smile and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again. "I know."


	129. Next Generation

Alexandra drew an X on the date of a home made calendar that Annie had drawn up and given to her. The month was filled with red X's as the days passed, each one leading closer to the date when her second child would be born.

She stared at the collection of X's for a moment and wished she had chosen something that appeared a little friendlier for such an occasion.

Smiley faces would have worked, she thought.

Alexandra grinned when she felt the child readjust inside of her. The passing of time felt like the blink of an eye and Negan was constantly within an arm's reach ready to escort her to the medical building at any sign of discomfort.

The thought of his most recent moment of concern almost made her chuckle to herself. Alexandra had stirred uncomfortably on the couch and Negan was already on the radio, pulling her up by her hand and shouting profanities into the small speaker for someone to come to the house. For someone who appeared to have no worries on the surface, he had been nervous wreck around her as of late.

Alexandra decided she needed to get out of the house after being docile for several days. She wandered down to see Nancy in medical building and smiled as the only woman gave a friendly wave when she entered.

"I'll give you a quick checkup," she offered waving a telescope.

"We're getting close." Alexandra raised her eyebrows, staring at the overwhelming expansion of her stomach. She stood across the room from Nancy in the medical building. "I've kept a calendar... as close as possible anyway."

"I'd guess you're at about 34-35 weeks now." Nancy folded a blanket in half several times and then set it on the back of a chair.

"By my tally I marked 37." She shook her head and toyed with the ponytail that hung low along the back of her neck. "God, I can't believe it's been that long."

"Even in this world... time can seem to fly with the right occasion."

Alexandra nodded. "Yeah."

"How is Negan?" Nancy asked, "Is he ready?"

She smiled and nodded again. "He's been extra good to me."

"As he should." She grinned, "I see he's been staying out of trouble lately... or so it seems."

"So it seems," Alexandra echoed with a laugh, "That's the key word."

Nancy patted the seat next to where she stood. "Let's do your blood pressure. It was fine last week but it doesn't hurt to check again."

She nodded and sat down. "I don't know how anyone can have a normal blood pressure with all we've all been through."

"I don't know what I would have done if I didn't come across this place when I did." Nancy put the cuff around Alexandra's arm and put the stethoscope in her ears.

"How did you find it?"

"Luck," she answered with an honest shrug. Nancy put up a finger and then proceeded with what she was doing.

Alexandra sat still, not at all phased by some might be by sitting in a doctor's office. The whole "white-coat syndrome" thing never bothered her, hence the calling for a career in the field.

"128 over 78... not bad." Nancy slipped the buds out of her ears and a smiled.

"It would be great if we could all just... unite," Alexandra said. "The medical staff st The Hilltop and you guys..." she shook her head, "People would benefit."

"Maybe one day," Nancy said with another shrug. "It's like civil wars all over again... fighting for land; for food... survival."

"Negan has said that before." She nodded and thought for a moment. "God, they hate him so much over there."

"Well based on the shape he was in when he returned last time..." Nancy shook her head. "There's a lot more history there than I realize, isn't there?" she guessed.

"To say the least." Alexandra rested her chin on the heel of her hand. "I think most of them would come around in a truce setting. Maybe not right away but Maggie was so good to me. So were Morgan and Dr. Carson and of course Randy."

"Negan told me he killed Maggie's husband."

"She's a saint isn't she? I'd be out for blood if Rick had killed Negan."

"It was the young man who did all that damage to him wasn't it?"

"Carl..." Alexandra sighed, "Just finishing what Rick started." She shook her head, "They killed so many of our people first. They drew first blood and then they act like Negan is a monster for retaliating. He didn't kill nearly as many of their people as they did ours... he took their things instead; their belongings."

Nancy sighed. "Well it may take the next generation to mend old fences, I'm afraid."

* * *

Rosita sat by herself behind her home with one foot on the paver stones that made up a small fire pit. Ambers glowed in the center of it and she curled a nearly empty glass of whiskey in her hand.

Carl wandered into the back yard, the chill of the night air knocking at his bones. The icy features on Rosita's face were particularly fitting and he made himself comfortable in an empty seat beside her.

For a moment she didn't look up, simply stared into the iron-faced coals that provided the only sign off life from the fire that she had only bothered to keep up with for a few minutes. When she finally turned to Carl he was staring into the non-existent fire just as intently, as if in that moment they shared the same mind; the same thoughts.

"What Carl?" Rosita finally asked.

He continued to stare ahead of him for a moment and then slowly turned his head to meet Rosita's dead stare. "You still feel it."

Her eyes narrowed and squinted. She took a sip from the glass and sucked her teeth from the satisfying burn. "Feel what?"

"You know what." Carl nodded in her direction.

Rosita poured another drink and outstretched her arm toward him. When he didn't initially reach out for the drink she shoved it into his hand. "You're like twenty by now, right?"

He looked down for a moment and the decided to take a swig. Carl grimaced and sucked down the liquid and then let out a sigh. "Wow."

"You get used to it." Rosita leaned her head all the way back in the chair and looked back at the coals.

Carl drew the back of his hand his mouth and eyed the beverage again. He took another sip, making eye contact with Rosita as he did and it finally made her crack a smile. She shook her head and let out a little chuckle.

"It's not over," he said to her. "You feel it still... for Abraham. I know it."

"That was a long time ago."

"Then why are you back here alone drinking with a scowl on your face in forty-five degree weather?"

Rosita stared back at him. "Because... it's a cold world. I'm just doing my part to fit in." She reached for the glass of liquor and took a sip.

"Do your part by avenging him... with me."

"You have nothing to avenge, Carl."

"The hell I do."

Rosita stood up from where she sat and stared down at him. She paused and spoke quietly. "It's over." She looked him up and down and then handed the glass to him before heading toward the back door.

Carl stood there for a moment staring as she went before tossing the glass down to the ground and walking away. He eyed the back door for a minute and then stormed away without another word.

Rosita sighed and stood with her hand on the frame of a window and watched as Carl walked away down the driveway. She saw him turn to look over his shoulder once before disappearing into the darkness.


	130. Riddles

Nancy sat in a rocking chair in her home with one leg folded over the other and a book in her lap. A pair of reading glasses hung low on her nose and she gently pushed them back up with her index finger.

When a knock came at the front door her eyes lifted off the page and she reached for a bookmark on the small end-table beside her. The knock was short and patient. Another didn't come until she was leaning toward the small hole in the top, center of the door to see who was at her door at the later hour.

She relaxed a bit when she saw it was Negan standing on the step with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. Nancy pulled open the big, wooden door and then pushed open the screen one just after.

"Negan," she greeted.

"I wake you?"

Nancy shook her head and motioned to the corner of the living room. "I was just getting into a good book." She waved him in and then made her way back to the rocking chair, motioning for him to sit across from her on a small, brown sofa. "Something's wrong," Nancy suspected as he slowly slunk into a seated position and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

Negan looked around the neatly put-together living room, eying a painting over the old, brick fireplace for a moment. He cleared his throat and folded his hands before staring straight ahead.

"This is about Alexandra I presume," Nancy went on.

"How'd you fuckin' guess?" Negan asked with heavy sarcasm.

"Old and wise." She gave a tiny smile and began to fiddle with the top of the book mark as it stuck out in between pages. "You're worried we won't be efficient enough to help her here... aren't you?"

"Are you?" he asked, "Are you and William efficient enough?"

Nancy placed her hands neatly over the book in her lap and removed her glasses. She looked Negan in the eye and never turned away. "I've never kept anything from either of you with regard to what you can expect from the medical staff here. We successfully delivered Christopher. It may have been the most amazing moment of my life, and believe me I have lived a long, healthy, good life." Nancy nodded to herself as she spoke, "But neither of us were in the OBGYN fields prior to this. We don't have ultrasound equipment..."

"Are you confident you can deliver the baby successfully?" Negan's eyebrows raised, his posture becoming more submissive but inquisitive all the same.

Nancy sighed and hesitated before answering. "If there's a normal birth... yes."

"How can we be sure?"

"We can't," she admitted.

Negan ran a hand over the top of his head and leaned back in his seat. He extended both of his arms along the top of the couch and folded his legs so his right foot rested on top of his left knee.

"Alexandra will receive our full attention," Nancy promised. "Her vitals looks good. Blood pressure is low for someone this far along."

"But one wrong move," Negan said, "One wrong position-"

"You can play that game all day long and not get yourself anywhere."

"I just want to know if I should expend my other options."

"And what are those?" She shook her head.

Negan looked at her. "The Hilltop."

Nancy took a deep breath and stared more intently at him. "Alexandra would never allow it."

"It's not up to her what I do."

"Well it damn well should at least be a discussion." She set the book and the glasses down on the side table and then met his stare. "This isn't what you want, or what she wants... it should be about what you decide together."

"If she lives and the baby lives then that's all that really fuckin' matters."

Nancy challenged him, "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Do you get to live?"

He scoffed at the question. "I ain't planning on fucking dying if that's what you mean."

"Do any of us?"

Negan ran a hand through his hair again. "You're talking in fuckin' riddles doc."

Nancy shook her head. "No. I'm asking valid questions Negan. Just as well as you want to preserve Alexandra's life, she wants the same for you. Going to those people seems like a suicide mission for you... after the last time."

"It doesn't have to be," he told her, "Their doctor and the other fuckin' guy came to us with a proposal."

"Oh, so do you believe they'll just allow you both to knock on the door, walk in, Alexandra gives birth and you both get to casually skip hand in hand back here?"

Negan let a smirk spread across his face. "Don't get all fuckin' smart on me here."

"You're leaving me no choice."

He took a deep breath and leaned forward again, folding his hands. "What should we do Nancy?"

She swallowed hard. "That's a choice you're going to have to make."

"Can you do it?" Negan's voice was still quiet, soft and searching for an answer. What he wanted to hear was 'yes', but he knew that things weren't that simple.

"We will do everything in our power to make sure that Alexandra and the child are safe... and healthy."

The two of them stared at one another for another couple of seconds before Nancy rose to her feet. She motioned for him to stand up.

Negan pressed his eyebrows together in confusion but did as she asked and was surprised when she leaned in and hugged him. He adjusted and loosely put his arms around her. When she pulled back she tapped the front of his chest with her hands and then put a hand on the side of his face in a motherly fashion.

"The best advice I can give you," she said, "Is that you have to make the decision together... and then go with your heart... or your gut... whichever."

He looked down and sighed. "Yeah..."

"I have a feeling that she's going to be alright Negan."

"Thanks Nancy." He put a hand on the top of her shoulder and then headed toward the front door.

Nancy saw him out, trailing a step behind him and leaned against the door frame as she watched him slump down the set of stairs with his hands in his pockets. She sighed, wishing she had more concrete advice for him and latched onto a cross necklace that hung around her neck before shutting the door and heading back to her chair to ponder the situation some more.


	131. Contractions

**Guest... I looked back after your last review. Thanks for the trip down memory lane :) I re-read some old chapters. Thanks for reading this story! I enjoy writing it so much.**

Alexandra laid on her back slightly curled toward the outside of the bed. Several times she had woken up and found herself only falling asleep for ten to fifteen minutes at a time. For a moment she wondered it the clock on the wall was showing the pass of time at all.

Two-ten; two-twenty-three; two-thirty-eight...

Discomfort lingered in her midsection and trickled down her body. Alexandra bit down on her bottom lip with a pain radiated throughout her body. She pressed her eyes shut tightly and tried to focus on something else; anything else.

Tick... tick... tick... The clock taunted her, begging for her attention at the late hour when the rest of the community was asleep - Negan, Lucy and Sarah included.

 _Please let me go back to sleep_ , she begged. Her eyes were anything but heavy and her body was telling her what she needed to know.

Negan laid on his side facing the opposite wall letting out short, even breathes every few seconds and completely unaware that their night was about to get a whole lot more hectic.

There was more pain, and Alexandra knew she had to make the call to herself down to the medical building.

"Negan," she said in a gentle tone. Alexandra placed a hand on his bare shoulder. "Negan..."

He let out a breath through his nose and then rolled groggily onto his back.

"I need to get down to the med building."

"Let Nancy handle that shit," he said, half-asleep.

"It's not for work." Alexandra would have laughed if she wasn't in so much pain and if she wasn't about to have a baby. He laid on his back with his eyes closed and his hand on his stomach. She shook him again. "Negan... I'm going to have the baby... tonight... now..."

"What?" he ran a hand over his face.

Alexandra winced and suppressed a groan. "I need you to help me down there."

Negan sat up and her words finally registered. "Fuck... you're serious."

"Mmm-hmm..." Her eyes pressed shut and she put her hands on her stomach then let out a slow hiss.

"Shit, fuck..." Negan rose to his feet and started looking around the room in all directions not knowing what to do first.

"Get dressed," Alexandra urged, laying flat on her back for a moment. "I'll ask Sarah to bring Lucy for us."

"They can fuckin' stay can't they?" He rushed to the closet and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt before tossing on work boots and scampering around for Alexandra's shoes in the dark.

"Maybe we can radio Annie and ask if she can come help Sarah."

Sarah appeared in the open doorway with a head of messy hair and a big yawn. "I've got it," she assured them, "Go. I got Lucy."

"Slippers," Alexandra told Negan, pointing to her pair on the ground.

He reached for them and then rushed to her, sliding the shoes on for her and then helping her stand up. "Can you fuckin' walk?"

"Yeah," she barely got the word out, "Oh this one is ready to come out."

"Do you fuckin' feel weird?" Negan asked, "Different than last time?"

"No." Alexandra braced herself, "Just as uncomfortable." She forced a smile.

Sarah stared in amazement with a smile. "I can't believe it's happening right now."

Negan started to guide her toward the staircase, "What the fuck else... what do you need?"

"Just get me down to Nancy and William."

"Should I send someone for Dr. Carson?" he asked. "Tell me now and I will."

"No." She swallowed hard and put a hand on his face. "I'm fine. I love you. Get me to Nancy."

Negan nodded adamantly. "You're okay."

"Considering." Alexandra took the steps slowly with Negan ready to catch her with each step she took. When they got to the bottom floor he looked up toward Sarah for a minute.

"Go," she urged, "I've got Lucy. I'll bring her down to the building."

"Go back to sleep," Alexandra urged, "Just sleep in our bed so you're in the same room as her if you don't mind."

"No way I can sleep knowing you're having a baby!" Sarah exclaimed, "But I'll give you your space... but I'm bringing her down there soon."

"Thank you Sarah."

"Want to get in the truck?" Negan asked.

"No, it'll take me too long to get up into it and out of it." Alexandra shook her head, "We're a short walk. Maybe it'll help induce me or something."

Negan let out a deep breath and helped her outside, then down the porch steps, through the yard and into the street to head across the way to where he prayed at least one of the doctors was sitting around on duty.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yes."

"You don't fuckin' look like it."

"I'm fine," Alexandra reassured him. "I'm supposed to be in pain." She let out a little laugh and put her hand on her head when another jolt hit her. "Oh God..."

"Oh God," he echoed, "Fuck, are you-"

"Get me there," she ordered.

"We're almost there." Negan glanced down at her hand as she squeezed his hard. He looked up when the building came into view. "Nancy! William!" When no one immediately came to the door he shouted their names again.

Alexandra reached for the door handle when they arrived at the main door and Negan propped it open for you.

"Hello!" he shouted when they entered. "Nancy! William!" Negan walked Alexandra to the room she pointed out and helped her lay down. A moment later William burst into the room looking as sleepy as Negan had ten minutes before.

William's eyes were wide but calm. "I was asleep down the hall," he admitted, beginning to set up the room accordingly. He peppered her with questions about the time in between contractions, the pain, some neutral questions about names they had picked out to keep her calm and then he began the exam.

"Negan," he said, "Will you go get Nancy?"

Negan's eyes met Alexandra's and she could tell he wanted no part in leaving her.

"Please," she begged, "It's okay. I'm okay."

He gritted his teeth, telling himself it was for the best and moved around to the side of the bed to give her a kiss. "I love you," Negan told her, brushing her hair back, "I fucking love you honey."

Alexandra decided to hit him with the same language. "I fucking love you too." She smiled and he kissed her again.

"I'm not leaving this room after this."

"I know," she told him with a nod, and then smiled again when he didn't leave. "I'm okay. I feel... fucking great." Alexandra sighed and let out a groan. "But I need Nancy."

Negan put a hand on her cheek and nodded and then darted out the door, bursting out of the building and sprinting down to Nancy's house. He banged on the front door, attempting to fling it open but the front door was locked. He pressed his thumb on the doorbell persistently until the door flung open and Nancy stared at him through half squinted eyes in her bathrobe.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Alex is going into fuckin' labor." He sighed, "I need you... I mean she fuckin' needs you."

Nancy's eyes lit up and she put up a hand. "I'm going to just put on my clothes. Give me all of two minutes."

"Meet me back there." Negan turned again and ran back toward the medical building, breathing heavy when he reached Alexandra's room.

"Oh yeah this is happening today," she heaved a breath.

"It's definitely happening," William confirmed.

Negan made his way back up next to her. "Nancy's on the way." He slipped his hand through hers. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Alexandra laid her head down flat and closed her eyes.

He wanted to ask her again if she was alright but knew it would probably get old after asking so many times. Negan watched William for a moment who was at the foot of the bed. Less than a minute later Nancy burst through the door and into the room.

"What do you need William?" she asked, throwing on a pair of light blue latex gloves.

Alexandra let out a sigh of relief and let her eyes flicker open as the two doctors continued to prep her for what was to come. She looked at Negan, who's eyes shot in all directions before finally settling on hers when she didn't turn away. At that moment she felt like things couldn't get anymore perfectly set up. All of the elements were in the right places and she knew the day would be a long haul, but optimism was all around her as were the people she trusted and loved.

 _I'm ready_ , she thought with a nod. Her fingers squeezed Negan's. _I'm ready._


	132. Tunnel Vision

"Stay focused on her!" Nancy ordered Negan as he peppered her with questions over the course of an hour and a half. She motioned for him to stay where he was at the head of the bed at Alexandra's side.

"Why isn't the baby out yet?" he asked.

Alexandra grimaced with a push as William continued to guide her. "Goddddd... Will..." Tears left the corners of her eyes from the struggle.

Negan was about to echo her but Nancy put up a hand and he bit his tongue with much reluctance and turned to his wife. "How you fuckin' feeling baby?" he asked.

She couldn't answer and pressed her eyes shut for a moment, squeezing his hand when William instructed her to push again. When the doctor let out a short, excited laugh she managed a choked out, "What?"

"He's positioned correctly," William assured her, never looking up as he continued to guide her.

"You sure?" Negan asked.

"The very top of his head," Nancy chimed in, "We can finally see it... or hers."

"We're down the home stretch here Alex," William explained, "It's been a long couple hours here but you're going to have to give it all you've got. This could be over real soon."

"Okay," she gasped the word out.

"We're going to count to three together," he went on, "And you're going to give it one hell of a push."

Alexandra nodded and felt Negan begin to run a hand over the top of her head.

"Ready... one, two... three."

She squeezed Negan's hand again and pushed harder than she ever had in the past, whining out a string of curse words before finally letting up to lay back down flat.

"Gunna need it again," William told her.

"He's not out?" Alexandra let out a series of deep breaths.

"You're almost done honey," Negan told her, "You fuckin' got this shit."

Nancy joined them and slipped Alexandra's free hand into her own. "Squeeze," she told her, glancing at her opposite hand in Negan's.

"On three," William instructed, "Ready?"

She nodded again and then waited for his countdown before straining every aspect of her body in the process again. "Am I done?" she asked. "Will... please."

"This time on the count you're going to push hard once and then take a breath and push hard again."

"I can't," she cried, shaking her head.

"You can," William told her, eyeing Negan for a half-a-second.

"You're fuckin' tough," Negan told her, drawing his free hand over her head again, "Squeeze the shit out of my fuckin' hand and get her out."

"Him," Alexandra corrected, feeling tears stream down her face again. "Okay..." She huffed a breath, "Count Will."

"One... two... three!"

Alexandra grinded the tips of her fingers into Negan's and Nancy's hands. She felt like she had tunnel vision, giving everything her body, taking a breath and then giving it all again. Negan's and Nancy's voices sounded far away, like echoes in the distance.

"Is he out?" she cried out, zoning in on William now.

"Almost."

She the breakdown happen as the only word she wanted to hear was, 'yes'. Alexandra let out a series of choppy, exhausted breaths.

"Come on baby!" Negan urged and then looked to William, "What the fuck's going on?"

"Almost out," he replied, "Come on Alex... keep going, push!"

Alexandra took in a breath through her nose, bit down on her bottom lip and then pushed again, counting down from three in her mind.

"Come on, push!" William encouraged, "You're right there."

Her tunnel vision returned and Alexandra let the collection of voices become background noise and pushed. The pain was almost too much but she knew the faster it happened, the faster she would be able to relax and see her child.

"Push Alex!" Negan shouted, "Fuckin' push."

Nancy's other hand cupped over the top of Alexandra's. "Come on sweetheart."

Alexandra pushed again, counting down from five this time until she finally heard the sound she was waiting for.

A shrill, unmistakable cry sounded off in the room and William leaned back with a deep breath of his own with the baby in his arms.

Alexandra felt her entire body relax and she laid flat down again with her eyes closed, breathing heavy.

Negan had hundreds of emotions running through him, and thoughts passed through his mind so rapidly that for the first time in his life he was speechless.

"Ohh..." Nancy's face lit up with a wide smile but she kept her hands around Alexandra's.

William looked up at Negan in his own state of mental exhaustion from performing such an intense procedure. He smiled from the bewildered expression on Negan's face.

"Negan," Alexandra whispered his name. "Negan... what is it? Is it a boy? Did we have a boy? I want to see him."

Nancy finally moved to help with the umbilical cord at William's request and Negan finally took his eyes off of the child to respond to her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, not letting go of her hand.

She let out a long sigh and another deep breath through her nose. "Define okay." Alexandra kept her tired eyes open to look into his. "Negan..."

He opened his mouth to speak but shook his head and bit down on his bottom lip. "We, uh..." Negan cleared his throat and Alexandra saw a teary glaze coat his eyes before a tear dropped from each of them.

Alexandra smiled at him and while the anticipation was killing her she savored the moment with Negan that she knew she would never get back; the moment right after their child was born when he was truly astounded, overwhelmed and frankly at a loss for words.

"Oh man..." Negan finally let out his emotions, letting tears streak his face before letting out a quick laugh. "Fuck..." He wiped his face with the back of his free hand and then placed it down on her forehead and ran it down her cheek. A wide smile took over his face. "It's a..." Negan sniffed in and laughed at the same time; eyelashes damp with emotion. "We have a son."


	133. Win the Day

Negan sat beside Alexandra as Nancy and William attempted to help ease the pains of childbirth with whatever medication was available. He held her hand, drew a tamp towel across her forehead and ran a hand soothingly through her hair.

"I want to hold him," Alexandra said with a little laugh despite the pain.

"He's almost ready," Nancy informed her, looking over her shoulder as she attempted to bundle him up after making sure he was clean from head to toe.

"How's she looking doc?" Negan asked William.

He smiled. "She appears to be doing just fine. I'd like her to stay here for a few days but this process went along without a hitch." William looked at Alexandra, "Despite the pain."

She grinned and took a deep breath. "Thank you."

William nodded and moved out of the way as Nancy guided the baby boy to his mother.

"Go to your mommy," she said in a genuinely happy voice.

Negan watched the unmistakable, unmatchable glow on Alexandra's face as their son was placed into her arms. He took it all in and felt a distant sadness that he hadn't been there the first time but the feeling didn't last. Whatever he was feeling, he knew he hadn't felt it before. Negan leaned over and placed a kiss on his wife's forehead and then placed a hand on top of the baby's head.

Nancy and William exchanged a glance and then Nancy flashed a grin. "We'll give you some privacy." She began walking backwards toward the door.

"Thank you for everything." Alexandra smiled at Nancy who blew a kiss in their direction and then exited the room with William and pulled the door shut.

"This is our boy," Negan gushed with a laugh.

"I was right." She gave a tiny wink and then ran a finger down his cheek. "He's beautiful."

"Finally a male companion," he teased. Negan brushed back his barely-there hair and squatted down so he was more at eye level with both of them. "You're a strong fuckin' woman honey."

Alexandra sighed and leaned her head back, holding the baby close to her chest. "Oh I'm so glad the hard part is over." She took a deep breath.

Negan turned his attention to her and toyed with her hair again. When she made eye contact with him he leaned down and touched his lips to hers once and then followed with several more gentle kisses in a row. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too." Alexandra closed her eyes when his forehead touched hers. She let a hand drift up to rest on the side of his face for a moment and then accepted another kiss from him before he pulled back. "Thank you," she said quietly.

"For what?"

"For him." She grinned. "We made it through all of this. I can't wait to go back to the house and have us all together."

"We, uh..." Negan smiled and linked one his hands through hers. "We need to give him a name. I was pretty certain we were having a girl so I was all fuckin' set with names there."

Alexandra nodded. "We had a few in mind for boys." She cuddled him closer and thought aloud. "I wonder if Matt and Annie have a little hat."

"You said you had a good relationship with your father?" He asked.

"Yeah." She turned to him.

"What was his name?"

Alexandra smiled and cleared her throat. "Joe... Joseph."

"Joseph," Negan echoed. He looked back at their son and repeated the name. "Joseph."

"Here." Alexandra unlinked her hand with his and then carefully handed him over to Negan.

He let out a breath through his nose and cradled the baby in his arms before standing upright. "JoJo..." Negan smirked, "He can start off as JoJo as a baby... then Joey as a kid... Joe as a man and then when he's a sophisticated sixty year old he'll go by Joseph."

Alexandra giggled, "No offense to either of us... but I'm not so sure that sophisticated is in our family genes."

Negan turned to her, "Well... I guess you're fuckin' right about that." He chuckled and looked down at their son again. "I think you'll be a little fuckin' badass."

"Well... it'll only be a matter of time before that word leaves his mouth too," she said with playful accusation.

"The rules are all gone with that shit." He turned to her and smirked. "I'm kidding. I'm going to do better."

Alexandra smiled and shook her head, but felt a rush of happiness as Negan gently swayed back and forth with their newborn son in his arms. "So..." When he looked up at her she continued, "So is that what we're going to name him? Joseph?"

He grinned and looked back at the baby. "What do you think little man?" Negan looked at Alexandra and then nodded.

"He approves?"

Negan ran a hand over his head. "JoJo." He stared at him for a minute and then placed him back in his mother's eager arms.

Alexandra smiled. "My little JoJo." She sighed and then kissed the top of his head. "Looks like he'll have your dark hair."

Negan grinned. "And his mama's good looks."

She chuckled. "How is Lucy going to react?"

"That kid is going to beat the hell out of this little guy as they grow up." Negan chuckled at the thought.

"Sarah too." She raised her eyebrows.

"Nah." He grinned. "She'll be all motherly, you watch."

"She's so good," Alexandra agreed. "Can you check on Lucy and her some time?" She closed her eyes, "God... I don't want to fall asleep but I'm just..." Alexandra let out a sigh.

Negan kissed her forehead. "Let me take him. I'll see if Matt and Annie have a hat for him, and I'll go check on our girls."

"Thank you." She didn't open her eyes but gave a small smile. "We won the day."

"What?"

Alexandra let her eyes flicker open and handed Joseph to Negan. "I think we have to start thinking one day at a time... live in the moment... win the day."

Negan winked. "Well... we won the day honey."

"Yeah." She took a deep breath. "Don't go for long."

"I'll be back before you wake up." He leaned down and kissed her softly. "Get some fuckin' sleep doll. I'll be back."

Alexandra already felt her eyes growing heavy and sunk in to the comfort of the pillow.

Negan stared down at their child and then wandered toward the door. As he pulled it open he smirked and saw Nancy almost right away standing nearby.

"Just... cleaning up the hall," she claimed with a wide smile.

Negan smiled back. "Yeah okay... whatever you say doc." He looked at her more seriously after a brief laugh. "Thank you Nancy."

She nodded modestly. "Moments like this give me hope."

"Me too." Negan gave a half-smile and headed out the door to round up the rest of his family.


	134. Intimacy

"Welcome to the family JoJo," Sarah gushed. She stood at the top of the stairs in their home and holding the baby that she hadn't had the urge to put down for all of a half an hour.

Alexandra smiled as she laid sideways across the bed beneath the covers alternating between watching an old movie that they borrowed from Jack and watching Sarah's interaction with the newest addition to their family. Negan stood with Lucy in his arms beside Sarah as their first born examined Joseph.

"You're the big sister now," Negan told her, bouncing her several times in his arms. "That's JoJo."

Lucy turned to her father, an inquisitive expression on her face and then she turned more abruptly to look at the baby. She put her finger in her mouth with nervous curiosity and then extended her arm, pointing at him.

"JoJo," Sarah repeated with a grin, moving a step closer.

Again, Lucy looked at Negan who chuckled to himself. "Can you say JoJo?" he asked, pointing, "JoJo."

"Jo..." she said in a valid attempt, making Negan clap his hands around her.

"That's right." He laughed again, "JoJo."

Lucy touched his tiny hand and then pulled it back and laid her head down flat on Negan's chest.

"I guess the curiosity is over," he said walking into the bedroom. Sarah trailed them with a nearly-sleeping Joseph in her arms.

"Someone's tired," Alexandra said as Lucy yawned.

"Lucy and her Mama are fuckin' tired it looks like," Negan observed with a grin. He looked down as their daughter's eyes began to shut, flickering several times as he rocked her back and forth in his arms.

"I'm very tired," she confirmed, not moving from the way she was outstretched across the bed to face the old, boxy television that sat on a low dresser.

"Mama took all the pillows," Negan whispered into Lucy's ear, despite the fact that she had since drifted off to sleep.

Alexandra smiled. "I needed a stack to watch the movie." She yawned, "I'll give them back."

"JoJo's sleeping," Sarah said quietly. "Should I put him in his crib?"

Since the day he was born Alexandra had been nearly inseparable with Joseph and attempted to maintain a delicate balance between the two children. She was thankful that Sarah was as enthusiastic to give him some added attention in her first night back in her own bed. "That would be great, Sarah. I fed him a half hour ago so if he's ready to sleep, I'm ready."

"Lucy's ready," Negan added.

Sarah yawned and spoke in the third person. "Sarah's ready."

"Go get some sleep honey," Alexandra told her, "Negan, can you help her with JoJo?"

"I've got it," Sarah insisted with a grin. "If that's okay."

"That's fine," Alexandra assured her with a smile.

Negan smiled as he watched Sarah carefully place him into the small crib in the corner of the room before heading into a smaller, third bedroom that had gradually become Lucy's. Like Joseph, she never awoke from her slumber as he set her down into her own crib for the night and just like you could suddenly hear a pin drop in the house.

When Negan returned he looked at Alexandra. "I left the door open in case she cries."

She nodded, "Okay."

Sarah leaned down and hugged Alexandra and gave Negan a fist bump. "Goodnight."

"Night kid," he said.

"Goodnight," Alexandra echoed.

Sarah smiled with a wave and headed into the bathroom to wash up for the night.

"I owe you your pillows." Alexandra began to move but Negan removed his shirt and slipped in beside her the short way across the bed so his feet hung off.

"Nah, you look too fuckin' comfortable." He laid on his side facing her and tossed the covers over himself.

"I'll move," she began and slid one of the three pillows to him.

Negan wrapped an arm around her beneath the covers, securing her in place and slid a hand up the inside of the tank top she was wearing to rest on her stomach. When he closed his eyes Alexandra turned just her head to face him and smiled.

"I love sleeping with you," he told her, letting out a breath through his nose.

Alexandra laughed from his choice of words. "I know you do."

Negan laughed back and opened his eyes when she put a hand on the side of his face. "Just sleeping," he clarified, sporting a lopsided smirk. "Just fuckin' laying here under the covers with your body up against mine."

Alexandra smiled. "You're being extra nice lately."

"I'm always nice to you honey." Negan pulled her a little closer.

"I know." The two of them shared a moment of eye contact and then Negan leaned in and kissed her. Alexandra closed her eyes. "You can do that again." She smiled.

Negan chuckled against her lips and then propped himself up on an elbow to look down at her.

"Don't keep a lady waiting," Alexandra teased, still running her fingers along his salt and pepper beard.

Negan closed his eyes and kissed her several more times in a row. "Are you in pain?" He whispered, "Do you need anything?"

"I'm okay," Alexandra assured him. "Normal soreness, but that's all." She ran her fingers up and down his back and looked up at him as he hovered just an inch or two above her. "I like sleeping with you too."

Negan chuckled and kissed her again before trailing sensual kisses down her neck to her shoulder. When he didn't stop Alexandra smiled and closed her eyes.

"This is better treatment than any medication," she told him.

"Mmm..." Negan made his way from her neck to her ear and then kissed her cheek several times before finding her lips again.

Alexandra enjoyed the intimacy they shared without having to have sex. She was sure if it was possible at that moment that Negan certainly would have tried and the thought almost made her chuckle. Still, the moment felt even more intimate for the sheer fact that they couldn't.

Negan sighed against her neck, sending a welcomed chill down her back. "I fuckin' love you honey," he whispered. "Did we win the day?"

Alexandra continued to draw her fingers up and down his bare back. "I think we did."

"I like that shit," he went on, "It's a great fuckin' philosophy to have in this life."

"Yeah..." Alexandra sighed contently when he began to kiss along her collar bone. Every touch and kiss he left along her body struck her pleasure sensors and she welcomed every second of it. "You know I can't give you anything in return for this right now."

Negan let out a breath, "I know." He continued what he was doing. "Do you want me to stop?"

Alexandra shook her head. "No." She opened her eyes for a brief second and guided his face back to hers to kiss him more firmly, feeling him moan quietly against her lips.

"I thought you guys couldn't do that yet," Sarah's voice came from the hallway.

Negan eyes flickered open and pushed up onto his hands. Alexandra widened her eyes a bit, not having thought about the open door.

"We... aren't," Alexandra said, feeling her face grow hot.

"Jesus..." Negan rolled onto his back.

"What?" Sarah asked. "You're the one that left the door open. Want me to close it?"

"No," Alexandra said, at the same time that Negan said, "Yes."

"I want to be able to hear Lucy," Alexandra told him.

"It's cool," Sarah waved a hand, "I'm going to my room anyway and I've already put those headphones to good use a few nights. The TV you guys leave on does absolutely nothing for "noise control" by the way." She raised her eyebrows when the two of them stared back at her. "What?"

"You're fuckin' unbelievable kid." Negan threw the covers off of himself and headed past her into the hallway toward the bathroom. "Go to bed."

Sarah looked in at Alexandra when the bathroom door closed and shrugged. "Just sayin'..." She smirked and made her way into her own room, shutting the door behind her. "Goodnight!"

Alexandra laid there a moment slightly dumbfounded and then smiled and shook her head noting just a small amount of humor in the situation despite some obvious embarrassment.. _Well_ , she thought to herself, _if these are the biggest issues to deal with nowadays then life just got a whole lot easier._ She turned and looked at Joseph sleeping peacefully in his crib. _And a whole lot better._


	135. Bored

Sarah looked around the living room, lending her eyes to each person for a few seconds apiece.

Negan sat with a pair of glasses on reading a book with one leg folded over the other. Alexandra played on the ground with Lucy using one of the toys that was a hand-me-down from Christopher. JoJo slept peacefully in his little baby seat on the ground by Negan's feet.

Sarah let out a loud sigh prompting Negan to glance over at her. "What?" He asked.

"I'm bored," she confessed.

"We have a shitload of movies."

"And books," Alexandra added.

"Nah..." Sarah hopped up into her knees on the couch and looked out the big, front window into the dark.

"Take advantage of this shit." Negan let out a yawn, removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Never know how many moments we'll get to literally do fucking nothing." He looked at Alexandra. "I'm tired honey."

"You can go to bed." She smiled.

"It's nine o'clock," Sarah pointed out. She looked at Negan. "You're turning into such an old man."

"Turning into?" Negan huffed a laugh and put the pair of glasses back on and thumbed to the next page. "I'm already fuckin' there kid."

"You are not," Alexandra chimed in with a laugh.

"I want to do something," Sarah complained.

"Typical fuckin' teenager."

Sarah turned to him and then to Alexandra when he didn't look back.

"Why don't us girls make some popcorn and head upstairs," Alexandra suggested, using our thumb to point. "We haven't talked boys in awhile and I have a great cheesy 90's movie we can watch with Freddie Prinze Jr."

She laughed. "Who's that?"

"You won't be disappointed," she said back, lifting Lucy up as she rose to her feet. "Trust."

Sarah looked out the window again and then back to Alexandra. "Alright," she agreed, drawing a brief, quiet laugh from Negan.

"Looks like it's just you and me JoJo," he said, looking at Alexandra.

"Enjoy this rare moment of quiet," she told him with a wink.

Negan smiled with a nod and then got back into his book as the three of them headed up the short flight of stairs to the second level.

When the door closed Alexandra grabbed a DVD and tossed the case to Sarah. "That's Freddie Prinze," she told her.

Sarah studied the cover and then gave a nod of approval. "Not bad." The two of them shared a quick laugh and then Sarah popped in the video. She joined Alexandra and Lucy on the bed.

"I'm glad you get a chance to be bored," Alexandra told her. "But I know you're an adventurous soul." She gathered up Lucy's ever-growing hair and pretended to put it up in a short ponytail but then let it fall back down.

"Kinda just wondering what Eric's been up to," she confessed. "I think that Mikey guy is cute too."

Alexandra smiled. "Well Mikey is a little old for you."

"Can't a girl look?"

She let out a laugh. "I guess there's nothing wrong with that."

"Do you?" Sarah asked with a laugh, "Do you still look?"

Alexandra smirked. "I mean I think I'll always like Freddie is adorable." She pointed toward the television as the opening credits began to roll. "And sure there are plenty of men who are handsome."

"But not like Negan," Sarah concluded.

She laughed. "He's it for me."

Sarah laid down on her stomach and rested her chin in her elbow. "I want what you guys have."

Alexandra folded her legs and propped Lucy on her lap. "You're young," she reminded her.

"I might have this hard exterior," Sarah motioned to herself, "But I'm a total romantic at heart."

She laughed. "Well then this movie might be up your alley."

Sarah's eyes stalked the television and sighed. "I'd be in a high school like that right now if things were normal. That'd be so cool."

"I know." Alexandra let out a sigh. "I wish you and the other kids could experience a normal life. It's not fair."

"I mean there are perks," she admitted. "I wouldn't know you... or Negan."

"Lucy and Joseph wouldn't exist."

"You don't believe in fate?" Sarah asked.

Alexandra thought for a moment. "I suppose I do."

"So you don't think you would have met?"

"Well... Negan was married then."

"But his wife died," Sarah reminded her. "Maybe you guys would have met." She shrugged.

"Maybe." Alexandra said with a smile.

"I don't know if I want kids or not."

"When you're older... a lot older... you'll know."

"Were you scared?"

"Yeah," Alexandra admitted.

"Are you going to have any more?"

"Not any time soon." She continued to toy with Lucy's hair.

Sarah scrunched her nose. "For future reference... way in the future before you try to lecture me..." she toyed with the question in her mind. "Again, probably would have learned this by now in high school..." her eyes drifted back to the television for a fleeting second. "How do you... not have one?"

Alexandra raised her eyebrows and the most motherly, responsible answer came out of her mouth. "Don't... be intimate with someone." She knew Sarah probably found the explanation to be as cheesy as it sounded.

"Well, duh, yeah I know that," Sarah said. "That's why I said for future reference."

"I'll answer that one for you in a couple years," Alexandra said with a laugh.

Sarah yawned and Alexandra tossed her a pillow. "Fair enough."

"I would say to enjoy your time being 14," Alexandra told her and then added, "Going on 24."

"G.I. Jane style." Sarah closed her eyes and Alexandra threw a cover over her with a smile.

She looked at Sarah for a moment and had a quiet moment where she almost shed a tear for her young companion. Alexandra knew that Sarah would have probably been the life of her high school if there was one with friends from all different social groups. She envisioned her being on a few sports teams but certainly drawing the attention of the boys her age with her cute, magnetic personality.

Alexandra sighed and knew she had to be there for her with that balance of friend and mother as Sarah went through perhaps the most fun and challenging time of her life; never mind trying to do it in a recovering apocalyptic setting.

She laid back with Lucy against her chest and refocused on the movie as her daughter drifted off to sleep in her arms.

When Negan finally got sick of the book he was reading he put it to the side and glanced around the empty living room. He drew the curtains on the front window and then took the stairs with Joseph in his arms and opened the door to the bedroom.

He glanced at Alexandra, Sarah and Lucy all sleeping in staggered positions across the bed and smiled to himself.

"Looks like it's the couch for Dad tonight," he said quietly to himself before setting Joseph in the crib.

Negan looked down at his son with silent admiration for a moment and then back to the three women in his life. He sighed and carefully left the room, closing the door behind him as he went.

When he settled himself back downstairs on the couch with one of the small blankets from the living room closet he took a moment to be thankful. The image of his family sleeping safe and secure was a comfort that rarely made itself known in their world.

Negan looked up toward the sky and didn't quite know who he was talking to but he spoke the words he was feeling at that moment. "Thank you." He sighed contently and laid his head down with his eyes closed. Within a few minutes he drifted off to sleep.


	136. You Are My Sunshine

Alexandra sat up in the bedroom feeding Joseph and listened as Negan and Matt spoke downstairs.

"You've scouted this out?" Negan asked.

"We found an entire street lined with them. It's not overly far from here. The new group told us about it."

"Do we have enough truck space to fit them in?"

"We'll have to make a number of trips," Matt explained, "Which I know is risky."

"Have to keep fuckin' expanding on this place somehow," Negan concluded.

"Exactly what I was thinking." Matt paused. "I don't want to pull you away from your family, but-"

"I'm in," Negan told him. "When are you planning on going?"

"Late afternoon."

He nodded. "Okay."

"We were thinking about using the truck you guys have out front."

"Makes fuckin' sense to me," Negan agreed, "I'll meet you out front. We can ride together."

Matt nodded in agreement and then headed toward the door. When he walked out Alexandra called down.

"Where are you guys going?" she asked, having only picked up on half of the conversation.

Negan took the stairs and sat down beside her on the bed where she continued to feed Joseph. "We're going to try to get some more of those fuckin' solar panels. The new kids there that we took in told Matt about it and they sent a few guys already to check it out."

"How far away?"

"He said it wasn't that far."

"Toward Alexandria and the Hilltop?"

Negan cleared his throat and looked her in the eye. "I don't know."

Alexandra made a face and let out a deep breath. "Just be careful."

"Do you want me to stay?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Yeah ya do." He gave a half smile and his expression made her grin back, but it quickly faded.

"I can only keep you locked away in this house with me for so long," Alexandra told him, letting out a little laugh. "There's a shitload of work that needs to be done to maintain this place."

"Shitload, nice word." Negan guided her head to his and left a kiss on her forehead.

"JoJo will be swearing in no time," she teased, looking down at him. Alexandra helped remove the bottle from his mouth as Joseph's tiny hands pushed it away.

"I'll try harder to watch my language."

Alexandra shook her head. "Just around them," she smiled, "I like your foul mouth."

Negan chuckled and then kissed her once. He looked down at Joseph's wandering eyes as he took in his surroundings.

"He's a healthy boy," she said with a smile.

Joseph moved just slightly, adjusting his arms and legs as he laid in Alexandra's arms. Negan toyed with his son's tight fist until his tiny fingers grasped onto his thumb in a tight-locked grip. "You look like your mama," he told him.

"With Daddy's dimples," Alexandra added, "I love that they both have them." She rand a hand over his cheek and grinned.

"Will you be able to hold down the fort here tonight?" he asked.

"I'll be fine. Just please be careful."

"Always honey." Negan leaned in and kissed her on the cheek and then stood up, reluctantly unlatching his thumb from Joseph's grip. He stared down at their newborn child. "If we can keep building on this shit, maybe our kids will have a chance at a more normal life... at least a step above this."

Alexandra agreed with a nod. "We've already taken some major strides with society. Whatever we can do to help rebuild the world... we need to do it." She looked down at Joseph, "Maybe by the time we're grandparents things will be like they used to be."

"Scary fuckin' thought," he said with a laugh. Negan took a deep breath. "I'm going to get ready."

"Be careful," Alexandra said again. She looked him in the eye until Negan leaned down and kissed her once more. He gave another wink and then rounded out of the room into the bathroom.

Negan crossed the room to look in the mirror and began to run some water onto his hands and then threw it on his face. He stared at his reflection for a moment and ran a hand over the grays that decorated his salt and pepper beard. His eyes were tired and creases tugged at the corners of his eyes. For a moment Negan took a moment to acknowledge how much time had actually passed and lately how quickly it went by.

Alexandra's voice began to carry out from the bedroom and Negan switched his focus from his reflection to the song she began to sing to Joseph.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."

Negan felt a tightness develop in his throat. His mind drifted back to years before - his old self, his old ways. They had worked, but now they were a haunting a reminder of what was, and what could still be.

He pictured Carl's face and his scared, shaky voice despite his genuinely hard exterior as he sang the same song that Alexandra was singing to their son now. The cheery nature of her voice made him tense up and a jolt of fear shot through his body when thinking of their children. Negan knew he wouldn't be able to protect them forever; that he wouldn't always be there, that he couldn't spend every minute by their sides. For the first time, he felt a fear for himself - for his own life. He didn't want that responsibility to fall on anyone else's shoulders. He never wanted to allow Joseph or Lucy to be in the position that Carl had been in.

Negan walked over toward the bathroom door he'd left open and closed it as Alexandra began to sing the same verse again to Joseph. He leaned against the back of the door and put his hands over his face as all the old demons flooded back into him with the sound of his wife's voice.

For a moment he thought he might be having a heart attack and squatted down, still having his back to the door. Negan continued to listen to what should have been soothing and then began to sob into his hands as quietly as possible.

Memories from the Sanctuary began running through his mind like a movie in fast-forward and then the extreme rewind as he recounted his last moments with his wife Lucille just before her passing. He envisioned her face when she was healthy and happy with him at their home in Virginia. He envisioned her last moments on earth in the hospital bed where she eventually turned into one of the undead; the walking dead. Negan remembered the boy who had put her out of her misery - something he couldn't bring himself to do.

Fast-forward again to the men he'd killed without a second thought, their heads crushed beneath the barrel of his bat; the cries from their loved ones. He hadn't cared, not in those moments.

The fuzzy memories from the night Carl had almost killed him rushed back. The pain Alexandra and Sarah were feeling was written all over their faces. Negan knew Carl was justified in his actions - he just prayed the boy wouldn't take the same path he had taken, letting the pain and rage be his sole guide.

A knock at the door snapped him out of his tormenting daydream and Negan rose to his feet.

"Negan?" Alexandra asked.

He cleared his throat and rose to his feet, drying his eyes with his hand. "Yeah." The word came out stronger than he anticipated and he took a deep breath.

"Why'd you close the door?" she asked with a laugh.

Negan went back in front of the mirror and threw some more water on his face to mask the tears. He kept the water going and called her in, leaning over the sink.

Alexandra peeked her head in, unaware of the crisis that was going on inside of his head. "Do you want me to make you something to eat before you go?" she asked with a smile.

Negan lathered up some soap on his hands and kept his head down. "Yeah... sure." He began to rub soap over his face, "Thanks."

"Okay." She ducked back out and closed the door behind her.

He wiped the soap away from his face and looked at himself in the mirror again.

 _Get it the fuck together_ , he told himself. Negan tightened his jaw and looked into his eyes in the mirror. _Fuckin' get it together._


	137. Inclement Weather

Negan prepped the truck with a small portion of food, weapons and then drove down the street to pick up Matt. He reached into the back seat and threw on a black winter hat as the temperatures continued to drop with the incoming darkness.

"It got cold," Matt pointed out, noting the hat Negan had thrown on

"Point me in the direction of this fuckin' place," he instructed. "You got a map?"

Matt nodded as he hopped in and slammed the door behind him. "I have Jack and Vince on the main post. Casey, Richie and Mike are in a truck up ahead waiting."

"You've scouted out this place before?"

"Yes."

"Left or right out of here?"

"Right."

Negan knew the long road to the right lead in the direction of the Hilltop, but he knew that didn't mean they would be going nearby. He eyed the tall gates as Jack and Vince opened them and then crept out behind the truck load of the young men in front of them. If there was one thing Negan hated it wasn't being in control. At that moment he was relying on three of the newest members of the community and Matt. The quiet time as the minutes passed

"We're fuckin' sure about this shit?" Negan asked Matt again. "We've been driving for twenty fucking minutes already."

He nodded. "I've had people working on setting a few of them loose from the roofs already."

"Our guys have been working down there?"

Matt nodded again. "Yeah." He glanced over at Negan. "We're okay."

Negan scanned the area ahead with his eyes as they drove. "We're never fuckin' okay." He turned the knob to relieve some heat into the cab of the vehicle. A few seconds later a hard, consistent pounding wracked off the windshield as hail and freezing rain came down from the skies. "PIcked a great a fuckin' night for this shit." Negan twisted the knob sending the wipers whipping across the glass.

"We're almost there," Casey's voice came over the radio. "This shit came out of nowhere!"

"How much fuckin' longer?" Negan asked. He shook his head and spoke aloud to himself. "I had a bad fuckin' feeling about this shit."

Matt spoke into the receiver. "How much longer?"

"Five minutes," Casey said back.

Negan looked to Matt for a brief second and then back to the road as he slowed the speeds of the vehicle to accommodate to the weather conditions. The roads were pitch black aside from the headlights and the tail lights of the two vehicles and Negan's level of uncertainty rose in nothing more than trees and cracked pavement. He was beginning to doubt the information he'd been given until Matt finally pointed.

"This is the street," he said, letting out a decompressing breath. "We're here."

"We ain't climbing up on a fuckin' roof in this shit," Negan told him.

"We taking shelter until this blows over?" Richie asked this time on the radio.

"Yeah," Matt replied as a string of houses came into view.

As the headlights to the car flashed over the first house on the ghostly, quiet road Negan could see the solar panels on top of the roof. "Fuckin' weather." He shook his head and looked around. "We need to park this shit out of view."

"Behind the house?"

"Sounds like the best fuckin' bet. If someone else comes riding down this creepy fuckin' road we don't need 'em fuckin' knowing where we are... or how to steal our fuckin' shit."

"Guys," Matt radioed to the other car. "Pull around the back of the house."

"Roger that," Richie replied.

Negan followed the other truck around and finally settled in. He killed the engine and looked at Matt as the freezing rain rattled the roof above them.

"We're not getting back for awhile huh?" Matt pointed out with a sigh.

"We're here to do a fuckin' job," Negan reminded him, "Going back now would be a waste of fuckin' gas... resources." He paused, "So man the fuck up and let's clear this fuckin' house."

Matt swallowed and nodded, checking the guns on his belt as he opened the door. Negan grabbed a small bag he'd packed with some spare ammunition, some food and a sweatshirt. He then secured the keys to the truck in the pocket of his leather jacket, tugged his hat down over his ears and bolted for the back side of the house with his gun drawn and ready.

Richie reached for the doorknob as he and Matt approached but Negan stopped him.

"What the fuck are you doing kid?"

The young man shivered and looked up as the weather beat down on the five of them. "It's f... freezing."

"We've been outside for ten fuckin' seconds."

"It's cold in the car."

"Shut up," Negan said, deciding the end the conversation. "How the fuck did you survive this long?" He turned and looked in through the back door that appeared to lead into a kitchen. "We have to clear this fuckin' place... make sure no one's in here... no fuckin' undead are in here." Negan looked around at all of them, looking the most directly at Mikey, "You and me are going together." He pointed at him and Mikey gave a thumbs up. "Casey, Richie... go with Matt. The kitchen breaks into another room through an open doorway. We're going right. You three go left."

Matt nodded to him and the two brothers agreed. Negan waved Mikey up with him and then carefully opened the door to the house.

* * *

A knock at the door to Alexandra's house made he drop what she was doing and rush over. She hoped by some chance it was Negan but knew that was highly unlikely. When she opened the door she raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Shelby," she welcomed her inside. "Hi. Come in."

"It's snowing," Shelby pointed out, hurrying in.

"I haven't seen snow in I don't know how long," Alexandra pointed out, shaking her head.

"Thank you." She hurried inside. "I'm sorry to just drop in."

"Don't be silly."

"I'm just... nervous. I haven't really been without Casey in awhile being on the road for so long." Shelby swallowed hard. "And now that it's snowing and it's dark..." Her voice drifted off.

"I know the feeling," Alexandra admitted. She looked at a clock on the wall. "I was hoping they'd be back somewhat early."

"How is Joe doing?"

She smiled and waved her into the kitchen. Shelby's eyes lit up when she saw Lucy playing with a small stack of blocks on the ground and Joseph in his seat right beside her. "This is really a dream come true," she gushed, "You have no idea how lucky we are to have found this place... and all of you."

Alexandra motioned to Joseph as she stirred a pot of soup. "You can hold him if you want."

Shelby smiled and welcomed the interaction with the baby. She smiled and rocked him in her arms before looking back to Alexandra. "We might be dead from this storm if we were still on the road. I think I've gained like five pounds since we've been here. Which for a woman used to be a gripe."

The two of them shared a laugh and Alexandra nodded. "Speaking of that... you're more than welcome to stay for dinner."

"Thanks." Shelby let out a deep breath. "Do you think they're okay? I mean Casey thought it would be a quick back and forth. He said they'd probably be home by eight o'clock... it's nine."

"The weather was a surprise," Alexandra reminded her but looked out the window. A shudder fell over her but she didn't let it show in front of the younger woman. "I'm sure they're fine."

"You think so?" Her eyes drifted to the clock.

She nodded. "They're alright."

Shelby let out a sigh. "I miss the days of cell phones."

"You and me both," Alexandra agreed. "I do have a radio there," she pointed, "Negan has one too. If they're in range I'll be able to get a hold of him."

"Should we call them?"

"If they aren't back by ten we can try."

Shelby nodded and refocused on Joseph. "Thanks," she said. "I was going crazy over there with nothing to do. Lyle is hanging out with that boy Eric so I was all by myself."

"You're welcome here any time." Alexandra smiled and then turned toward the stove, letting her smile fade. She stared at the handheld radio and let out a quiet sigh before eying the time on the clock.

 _Please be home before ten_ , she prayed.


	138. Teamwork

The house was dark, quiet, cold... Matt shivered, sitting with his back against the wall in the living room. Richie shivered just as heavily in his damp clothing.

"When's this supposed to stop?" the youngest member of the group asked through a set of chattering teeth.

Negan turned to him, standing by the front window with his arms folded over his chest. He hadn't so much as shuddered or blew into his hands despite the chill that radiated through him. "Well the fuckin' weatherman said this would wrap up by midnight," he joked, though didn't so much as crack a smile.

"Annie thought we'd be back tonight," Matt said, "They're probably worried. We should just go back."

Casey turned to him, tucking his hands into his armpits. "Round trip it's an hour's worth of gas for two vehicles." He shook his head and looked to Negan for backing, "We need to just ride it out. No one's here. We're fine. I've barely even seen any of the undead."

"Agreed," Negan didn't turn away from the window this time.

"Don't you think Alexandra-" Matt began, but Negan turned and silenced him.

"She'll live," he said, putting a hand out, "Yes they'll fuckin' worry but we're fine. When we show up six hours later than expected who gives a shit? As long as we get what we came here for." Negan stared at Matt, "Where I came from I was out all night sometimes trying to scavenge for shit and dealing with those fuckin' pricks." He pointed out the window, "It's one night. This shit could stop ten minutes from now and then we can work on getting it down."

"I ain't got shit to go home for," Mikey chimed in, picking up on the gist of the conversation. "So, I'm in... to stay."

Richie shivered, teeth chattering and looked at his brother. He shook his head.

"Kid stop fuckin' thinking about it," Negan instructed, "The more you think about the fuckin' cold, the colder you're going to feel."

He closed his eyes and actively fought to ignore the feeling but couldn't keep the shake from his body. Matt tried to do the same and leaned a head back against the wall.

"Matt," Negan went on, waiting for his friend to meet his stare. "They'll be fine. They're safe. We're safe. Stop thinking about Annie."

"And Christopher," he added. A pained expression took over his face. "I don't have that outside exposure like you do Negan."

Negan tried not to actively roll his eyes and pointed at Mikey, motioning for him to keep watch out the window as he walked over to Matt. "Listen you're the fuckin' leader here."

"No..." Matt shook his head, "No, I'm not. You are."

"No," he shook his head and put a finger firmly on his chest. "You're the fuckin' leader. You took me in. You've built this little fuckin' town that I can raise a God damn family in. The only way to maintain that shit is to build it up."

Matt's demeanor grew slightly more confident and he gave a little nod. "You're right."

"I'm know I'm fuckin' right."

"You don't feel bad?" he asked, "About Alex?"

Negan took a deep breath, "Look... if there's anything consolation to this shit... Annie'll be so fuckin' happy when you get back that you'll probably have the best fuckin' fuck since the two of you got fuckin' married. There's nothing that turns a woman on like thinking something happened to her man and then him getting home fuckin' safely."

"He's right," Casey huffed a laugh. "Worry on ladies... worry on."

Matt cracked a smile and then let out a quiet laugh.

"Man the fuck up." Negan turned back around and Mikey waved him over. He glanced out the window and saw a few stray walkers in the yard. "It's fine," he assured Mikey, who shrugged and then pointed upward.

"Slowing down."

"What if we just go up there," Casey said, "It's going to be slippery either way. Let's just power through it. It's just powdery snow now."

"Could fuckin' die if we lose our footing," Negan reminded him "Using a fuckin' pulley system with those fuckin' chains."

"It's going to be wet anyway," Casey said, "If it doesn't warm up... and it might end up freezing over. Right now at least it hasn't."

He thought for a moment and scratched his head.

"We're only here to get the back ones anyway," Mikey reminded them. "Just a few will fit on our trucks."

Negan looked up and sighed. "The back ones are loose already?"

"Half the bolts are out," Casey told him. "Have to unscrew the other half and then get them down without damaging them."

"This whole plan is a cluster fuck." He shook his head and then motioned toward a staircase, "Let's fuckin' evaluate this shit... test the fuckin' footing."

"What... now?" Matt asked, rising to his feet.

Negan headed toward the stairs with Casey and Mikey on his heels. Matt headed up after them and then Negan shouted down to Richie.

"Be the fuckin' lookout kid!" he shouted, "Stay by that window and don't fuckin' move. If you see something tell us."

"The roof isn't all that high in the back," Casey went on. "This isn't a suicide mission." He tailed Negan into a bedroom that had a window's access to a low ledge that hung below the main roof.

Negan threw open the window and peered out, sending a cloud of his breath into the frigid air. "What a night," he said to himself and then proceeded to climb out carefully. Only a thin layer of snow covered the roof though it continued to fall in big, fluffy flakes all around them.

"Fuck," Casey said to himself.

"What?"

"We left the fucking tools in the truck."

"Well someone-"

"I've got it," Matt volunteered. He hightailed it out of the room and momentarily he was down below where Negan squatted on the lower of the two roofs. Within a few minutes he was back upstairs, handing over the bag to Casey who followed Negan out of the window. "What do you guys want me to do?" he asked, looking up as they lifted themselves up to the second level so they were on an even keel with the solar panels.

Casey looked down. "Well... it's fuckin' higher than it looked."

"Let's secure this shit with the chains first," Negan told him. He looked down for a moment to see a walker stumble into the yard below them. When he looked back he saw Casey staring at him, more worry in his eyes than before. "Dude don't fuckin' worry about that shit down there," Negan said with a firm nod, "We're going to take our fuckin' time and we're going to get this shit done right."

Casey nodded. "Yeah... yeah okay."

Negan looked him in the eye. "You have any fuckin' doubt you tell me right now and we'll fuckin' pack it in and go the fuck back home empty handed. Say the word and we'll fuckin' go."

He shook his head. "No... no I'm good."

"You fuckin' good?"

"I'm good." Casey nodded confidently and Negan patted him on the back.

"Good." Negan didn't look down again at the stray walkers below. "Slow and fuckin' steady. Let's start with these chains." The two of them began to work and ten or so minutes in Matt shouted up from the window.

"He's saying something."

"What?" Negan called down, securing chains around the body of the panel.

"Richie," Matt shouted back.

"What the fuck's he doing?" Casey muttered, looking at his red hands as he attempted to work in the cold.

When the back door flew open and Richie emerged into the back yard Negan cursed to himself and tried to continue to focus on the mission at hand.

"Rich!" his brother shouted.

"Hey focus on this shit!" Negan told him.

"Richie!" Casey shouted again, seeing his brother approaching the walkers with a weapon.

"Casey!" Negan bellowed. "We have to do this shit now! This one is it and we're out of here."

"He's-"

"This!" he pointed to the solar panel.

Casey regrouped and secured the oversized panel with the chains with Negan.

"We're going to use the chimney," Negan huffed, "Wrap the chains around once we secure it and then have our fuckin' friends down there tow it down."

"Okay." He nodded.

"Still fuckin' good?"

"Good."

"Matt!" Negan shouted, "You or Mikey needs to come out onto the lower ledge and then the other has to go down out in the yard.

"Yard's clear!" Richie shouted up.

"Fuckin' great kid," he yelled down sarcastically. "Go watch the fuckin' window."

"There's more," the youngster shouted back up. "After that I will."

Negan shook his head but knew he had bigger fish to fry. Mikey climbed out the window and Matt hurried down into the yard while Negan and Casey worked to dismember the bolts.

"Fuckin' fingers..." Casey shivered.

"Stop thinking about it," Negan instructed.

"It's hard not to."

"I know... but you can't... not now." He took a breath, "Your old lady'll make you some fuckin' coffee when you get back."

"Oh coffee..." Casey savored in the thought.

"Hey." Negan nodded adamantly. "Let's go."

"You ready?" Mikey shouted up.

Negan leaned over and gave him a thumbs up.

"Count it!" Mikey shouted, "Three, two, one."

Casey held up his fingers to help his hearing-impaired friend and counted aloud in cue for all of them. "Three, two, one!"

The weight of the panels was distributed amongst the four of them and they did their best to lower it down without damaging it. When Casey heard Richie's struggling shouts from the yard he turned, leaving the weight primarily in the hands of the rest of them.

"Shit!" Matt called out, at the same time Mikey cursed and Negan felt his body sway on top of the roof until Casey regrouped.

"Fuck!" he shouted, "Don't let the fuck up!"

"My brother," he huffed, "He just-"

"Hold the fucking chain!"

Snow continued to fall around them and the sting in Negan's hands from handling all the cold metal tools and chains made him grit his teeth. As the part they came for slowly began to drift over the side in perfect control he felt his hopes climb again.

"We got this!" Mikey called up. "We got it!"

The moment seemed to take forever, but eventually Matt's exhausted voice from the ground called up. "It touched down!" he shouted with a laugh, "Just lower it the rest of the way!"

Negan let out a sigh, sending his breaths into the air and then finally relaxed when he felt the weight of the solar panel collapse to the ground. He stared down at his hands that were still wrapped around the chain and then unsecured it from the chimney.

"Richie!" Casey shouted once the task was complete. He tossed the bag of tools over his shoulder.

"Down here," Richie's voice said.

"He got the undead," Matt shouted up. "Can we go home now?"

Negan took a second to let out a quick laugh and then put a hand on his face. "Yeah Matty... we can fuckin' go home."

The two of them scaled the roof, sliding down onto the ledge by the window and slipped back inside before heading down to the ground.

"All that work for this shit," Negan patted the solar panel and shook his head. "Fuck this is going to take a long fuckin' time to get all this shit."

"At least the system works," Matt said.

"Yeah..." He looked around the group and together they worked to get pieces of the oversized panel into the backs of the trucks.

"My hands feel like they're going to fall off," Casey said. He looked at his brother, who's face looked whiter than a ghost. "What the hell were you doing?"

"I had to kill the ones in the yard." His hands were tucked into the pockets of his jeans and he continued to stare at his brother.

"Thanks for watchin' the fuckin' window kid," Negan said, shaking his head.

Richie pressed his lips together as if he was trying not to cry and then hurried into the truck that his brother had driven.

"What the fuck was that about?" Negan asked.

"I don't know," Casey said, shaking his head. "He's usually tougher than that."

"I know," he agreed.

"We out?" Mikey asked, looking directly at Negan and then to Casey. When his friend nodded he hurried to the truck behind Richie.

"I'll follow you home," Negan said to Casey. He held out a hand. "Good fuckin' work up there."

Casey smirked and returned the handshake.

"You know how to get us back to the Manor?" Matt asked.

"Follow me."

Negan reached into his pocket for the keys and the two of them hurried into the truck. He pulled out from behind the house first ahead of Casey and then allowed him ahead of him once they emerged back onto the road.

"Now we just have to make it back in the God damn snow," Matt said, shaking his head.

Negan looked ahead, his eyes focused on the beams of light out in front of them, seeing a pair of tire tracks on the opposite side of the road. When he pointed Matt leaned forward as much as his seatbelt would allow.

"What is it?" he asked, a hint of angst in his voice.

"This ain't a ghost town," Negan told him, looking back in his direction for a second. "Someone else was fuckin' here." He looked back up and slammed on the breaks when he saw Casey's truck stopped suddenly ahead of him.

"Oh shit!" Matt put his hands up as the car fishtailed in the snow as Negan brought it to an abrupt halt.

"What the fuck..." he huffed and took a deep breath. When Casey hopped out of the driver's side he wanted to urge him back into the car because of the unknown people who may be lurking in the area. Negan unrolled his window and looked out, "People are around we need to get the fuck out of here," he said as Casey approached.

Distress plagued his face and Negan could see that his hands were covered in blood.

"What the fuck happened in the last thirty seconds?" Negan asked. He shook his head.

Casey swallowed hard and shook his head, putting them on the frame of the open window. "I knew it... I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"Richie..." Tears welded in his eyes. "Why did he run out there?" He looked directly at Negan, seemingly to be terrified for what he might do next.

"What are you talking about?" Matt asked. panic arising in his voice.

Casey's bottom lip trembled. "He was bitten... a rabid one... it bit him."


	139. Thawing Out

Alexandra sat sitting up on the couch in the living room in between the state of sleep and awake. She had tried to fight off the exhausted feelings that kept pulling her eyes shut and forcing her away from reality.

Lucy slept with her head on her lap and across the small love seat and Shelby was now faster asleep curled up on a ball on the opposite couch.

Several times throughout the night Alexandra had tended to Joseph and attempted to put Lucy into her own room with little success, though she didn't have the energy or the will to fight her on it. The truth was that she welcomed her daughter's closeness. It provided her a sense of comfort like nothing else.

 _Four-thirteen._ Alexandra's eyes began to drift away again though the front door opened and she suddenly felt a jolt of adrenaline ricochet through her body. Shelby, too, sat up and Lucy remained sleeping despite the small amount of commotion.

"Negan," Alexandra said quietly, carefully slinking out from under Lucy's head to lay her down flat. She walked toward the door and immediately took in his appearance. "Are you okay? What happened?"

The front of his shirt was covered in blood, as were his hands. It had spattered partially onto his neck and crept up to his jawline.

"Negan..." Shelby chimed in, "Where's Casey?"

"Your house," he said in a monotone voice.

"He's... he's okay?"

Negan nodded but looked down just after. "You should probably go talk to him." His voice was low; somber.

Shelby looked to Alexandra and nodded a silent 'thank you' before hurrying past them out the door.

"What happened?" Alexandra asked again, putting her hands on his face and toying with the hair that stuck out from beneath his winter hat. Her eyes stared into his. "Are you hurt?"

Negan shook his head when she began to run her hands up the inside of his shirt. "No." He cleared his throat and shook his head and looked down at his hands as Alexandra gently grabbed them. "The kid was bitten."

"What?" she said quietly, "Richie?"

He nodded. "Didn't fuckin' tell anyone." Negan kept his voice as soft as hers. "Not until we were on our way back."

"Where is he?"

Negan eyed the floor for a moment and then looked back up. "I tied my fuckin' belt around his arm..." he felt like things in his life were constantly haunting him of his past - that or he had turned a corner in his life and was finally having a mental breakdown. "No one else could fuckin' do it."

"He was bitten on the arm?"

He nodded. "Was the kid's only fuckin' chance."

"Did you..." Alexandra hesitated.

"No one else could do it. His brother begged me to." When she waited for him to continue he did with more regret than he expected. "I had to or he would have turned." Negan took a deep breath, "I cut his arm off..." He looked away toward the wall, "He bled out in the fuckin' car on the ride back here."

"That's horrible." She shook her head. "It's no one's fault."

"I don't know why I give a fuck." Negan shook his head.

"The boy died."

"We barely know those fuckin' people," he reminded her, "I've killed people brutally without batting an eye."

"He was young," Alexandra said, "He was... just a kid. They were on our side."

"I fuckin' told him to wait by the God damn window inside the house." Negan gritted his teeth, "For what some fuckin' solar panels? The whole operation was a fuckin' mess." He shook his head, "I'm doing anything unless it's my fucking way from now on... anything outside these walls goes my way."

"How's Casey?"

"Richie died in his fuckin' arms. The kid's a fuckin' mess." He took off the hat and ran a hand through his messy, dark hair. "I just hope he doesn't do anything fuckin' stupid."

Alexandra leaned in and pulled him against her in a tight hug. "Do you feel responsible?"

Negan shrugged and shook his head. "No... I did what I fuckin' could." He looked down at the blood on his hands. "It don't feel the same."

She ran a hand through his hair. "You're human even if you don't always feel that way."

He took in a deep breath and then glanced at Lucy with a the tiniest fleeting smile. "Where's my boy?"

"Upstairs," Alexandra told him.

Negan put a hand on her shoulder and then passed by toward the stairs. Alexandra stood there for a moment silently thanking God for his safe return while simultaneously putting together her own little version of a prayer for Richie and his family.

Upstairs the water to the sink went on and then off again after a short time before she heard Negan shuffle from the bathroom to the bedroom to see Joseph. She had never seen him so distraught over a death before, particularly after all they had witnessed and after all he had done. She could tell from his eyes that he felt some sort of responsibility even if he didn't admit it. Alexandra recognized a substantial change in the way Negan had begun to carry himself. She felt as though with each child his heart beat a little harder and a little stronger, as if that part of him had been frozen for so long and gradually began to thaw out. All of the emotion he suppressed or blocked out for years had begun to catch up with him.

Alexandra locked the front door and looked around the empty living room feeling a large bout of empathy for Shelby. The two of them had bonded throughout the evening and had had nothing but positive talks about the well-being of Negan, Casey and the others alike. Now that one of her own had expired, she knew the grief she was experiencing.

She took a deep breath and then scooped up Lucy from the couch, who still hadn't woken up aside from minor twists and turned as Alexandra positioned her against her chest as she carried her up the flight of stairs to her bedroom. Sarah's door was still shut and so she assumed that she was asleep in the early morning hour.

Negan stood by Joseph's crib with one hand in touching his head. He turned when Alexandra entered the room and then looked right back to their son.

"Fuckin' beautiful isn't he?" he asked, feeling her creep up behind him and put her arms around him from behind.

Alexandra rested her head against his back. "Yeah."

"It's you... and them," Negan said silently.

"What do you mean?"

"That's why I can't do it anymore... Richie was a good fuckin' kid... strong to survive this fuckin' long and that's it. He's gone. Family's over there bearing the loss and forced to move on."

Alexandra sighed against him. "This world isn't easy."

"I never want that to be him," he went on, "Not today, not tomorrow, not fifteen years from now."

She rubbed her hands up and down his chest. "He's safe Negan. Things are getting better."

"Are they?"

Alexandra nodded against him. "Yeah."

"Maybe they're just at a rest right now," Negan said, "Because it's like square fuckin' one all over again. The kid died just as easily today from one of those fuckin' things as they did at the very beginning."

"Things are getting better." She sighed, "I think everything we have can attest to that."

He turned away from Joseph and then turned and ran a hand through her hair before leaving a kiss on her lips. "I'm going to shower and I'll meet you in bed... okay?"

Alexandra nodded. "Okay." She drew her thumb across the bags under his eyes. "I won't fall asleep until you join me."

Negan pulled her toward him and left another kiss on her forehead. "Don't wait for me." He sighed. "I love ya honey."

She ran a hand across his cheek. "I love you."


	140. Time

**I may be wrapping this story up soon, though not sure I'm ready to walk away just yet! Here is a possible third and final "trailer" for the story: www dot youtube dot com/watch?v=7z-l4XY6F24 As always, thanks for reading.**

Death. Despair. Love. Hope. It all existed since the beginning of time and regardless of the state of the world. People perished, buildings collapsed, babies were born and new settlements were built. It was all one constant circle of events repeating.

The passing of time proved to heal old wounds, but some would never be forgotten. The Manor's community continued to build on the strong foundation that was created by its founders. The farm had expanded and more animals began to inhabit the area as new cows and chickens were born. Crops were plentiful and growing with a consistency that provided everyone with hope.

The cooks began to expand their menus, creatively coming up with little delicacies, creating home made pastas and cheese from the cows' milk.

Time. It was all about time. Richie's death had marked a low for the community and it reminded them that nothing was ever a given; that tomorrow was a gift. In time they healed. Casey and Shelby leaned on each other through the stages of grief and pressed on even stronger, though never forgot their young family member who was taken from the world far too soon. They settled down in a house in town with Mikey. Both of the men took shifts guarding The Manor and hunting while Shelby took an interest in the medical field.

Alexandra and Nancy happily took her under their wings and regularly trained her with the products available as ailments arose. William had been fortunate enough to get his hands on several anatomy-based books and offered to provide her with additional education. Sarah, too, took an interest in all matters medical related as she grew a little older. She regularly tagged along at Alexandra's side with hopes to be in the next generation of the medical staff.

Negan had gained control of all matters outside the walls as he had wanted. Their little town was littered with solar panels and outside supplies were regularly being brought in. While he went out with his men when he felt it was necessary he spent a lot of time within the walls watching Lucy and Joseph grow. His priority was preserving his own life in order to raise them the way he felt was right and to protect them for as long as he could.

Alexandra and Negan grew together and adapted as the world continued to evolve. She was his rock; his emotional stability and the person that kept him human and grounded. She was perhaps the only person he truly listened too.

Negan was Alexandra's protector. She knew there would never be another person that would look at her and their children the way Negan did. The vigilant manner in which he watched over them almost made it appear as if he was ready to jump in front of a bullet for them at any second.

All in all, life at The Manor had been stable, productive and ever-expanding. In the so-called "new world" it was perhaps the ideal place to raise a family. Lucy was able to run around in the yard without Alexandra and Negan having to constantly worry the way they would have on the outside, or years before. Joseph wasn't far behind in pursuit of life on two feet and the basics of the English language.

Alexandra sat outside of the medical building at a small table watching Lucy color in a little cartoony drawing she had sketched out for her. When Negan approached with Joseph slung in one arm she knew he was about to head outside the walls.

"JoJo," Lucy said, smiling at her mother and then pointed a finger out toward the two of them. "Mom it's JoJo."

"I know," she said with a grin, running her hand over the top of her head.

"Heading down to those big storage bins that my guys spotted," Negan told her, handing their son over to Alexandra's extended arms as she rose from where she sat.

"Is it clear down there?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

He nodded, "Clear as it can get. Not many walkers. No signs of other people from the communication I received."

Alexandra nodded back. "Okay. Good luck."

Negan leaned in and kissed her once and then picked up Lucy without warning making her laugh and scream all at once. "What're you screamin' for?" he teased with a wide grin.

Lucy reached her arm down as far as it could go. "My picture." The words came out more like 'my pit-cher' and he chuckled.

Negan tilted her nearly upside down so she could reach down and grab it, making Alexandra give him a look. He laughed again. "I'm not going to fuckin' let her go."

"Look." She grabbed the paper and then struggled to get back up so she was face to face with him.

Negan helped her the rest of the way and carefully examined her artwork. "This is some good sh..." He looked to Alexandra with a smile and rephrased the sentence, "Good stuff kiddo." He kissed Lucy on the forehead and set her back down.

"When will you be back?" Alexandra asked him.

"By tonight," he told her with a shrug. "Probably before dark. We're just loading and unloading whatever we can."

"It's not far?"

Negan shook his head, "Nah. Five miles maybe."

"Okay."

He winked and half-smirked before giving her another kiss. "I love ya."

"I love you too." Alexandra ran her free hand down his arm and looked down at their children. "Wave goodbye."

"Bye, bye." Lucy looked up briefly and then back down to her picture. Joseph attempted his best wave with the help of Alexandra and Negan smiled before heading out toward the main gates where their biggest trucks were parked.

When he spotted Sarah cleaning one of the rifles on a picnic table off to the side he whistled and waved her in his direction.

"We going?" she called, leaping to her feet and expecting the gun one last time."

"Yeah."

Sarah raised the gun in the air. "Take it or leave it?"

"Take it, let's go." Negan waved her again and she hurried over to him.

"God, I need to get out of these walls," she told him, eying the keys in his hand. "Hey I'm sixteen now." Sarah smirked when he turned to her. "Can't I take the wheel?"

Negan huffed a laugh, "I intend on getting there in one fucking piece."

"I've kind of driven before."

"Well you can kind of fuckin' drive on a day when we don't have shit to do." He waved a hand toward the passenger seat of the big black truck. "Get in."

Sarah smiled and rolled her eyes before hopping into the vehicle beside him. The gates lifted and they made their way out to the open road. "Where are these storage containers?"

"Supposedly straight away on the old highway here." Negan handed her a map that was half wrinkled between them. "The road forks and we head to the right. There's an old fuckin' gas station up there and well fuckin' behind it in the fields is where we need to go."

"Can we drive back there?"

"We'll fuckin' find out."

Sarah nodded and turned up the knob on the radio where the same CD filled with old rock songs played tunes that she was all too familiar with by now. Still, it was better than nothing and she rolled the window down to hang her elbow out, letting her fair fly in the breeze.

Negan turned to look at her briefly and smiled to himself. He enjoyed Sarah's fearless spirit given her youth. The two of them were on their way into the unknown that was still littered with danger and she appeared as if they were going on a casual drive, or as if he was dropping her off at a friend's house on a typical Friday night.

"You're somethin' else kid," he said with a light laugh.

Sarah turned to him and grinned when he rolled down the window and mimicked her posture with his arm partway out the window. The two of them drove for awhile, occasionally singing along to the song in the car and sharing some lighthearted conversation.

"Fork!" she pointed finally as the road split and Negan went the way he had informed her about. Sarah let out a sigh. "Almost there."

"Yeah..." Negan's eyes scanned both sides of the road as they went and it wasn't long before Sarah was pointing up the way again as the trees began to thin out.

"Gas station." She turned to him and Negan carefully pulled the car into the bumpy, half-paved parking lot next to an old gas pump.

For a few seconds the two of them sat there instinctively taking in their surroundings. When he finally turned to her he motioned to the building. "See what we got in here first."

Sarah nodded in agreement. "Okay." She secured two pistols on her hips and kicked the door open as she grabbed the rifle. A smile formed on her face as she closed the door behind her and rounded the car to Negan's side.

"What?" he asked, seeing her grin.

"I love doing this kind of shit," Sarah admitted.

Negan shook his head with a laugh and nodded toward the glass front door. "Let's go."


	141. Duel

Negan and Sarah made their way from the nearly empty gas station, where they found nothing but a stale pack of gum and a cheap BIC lighter, to the storage bins they had been made aware of.

"We can get the fuckin' truck back here," he told her.

"Tired from the walk already?" Sarah teased.

"Shut up." Negan smirked.

"Getting old. Those grays are coming in pretty good there on the sides." She reached a hand up to touch his hair and Negan swatted her hand away with a laugh.

"You do know I could just," he clicked his tongue and made a motion as if he was hitting her over the head, "And no one would ever fuckin' know."

"Yeah okay," Sarah said with a laugh, "I'd kill you first."

Negan ignored the last part, "Oh she was attacked by a fuckin' dead one. I couldn't get to her in time..."

"You would never." She smiled and finally forced him to look at her. The two of them shared a laugh and kept going.

"Keep talkin' about my grays and I might fuckin' think about it." He pointed, "Nice fuckin' hiding place of this shit huh? You'd never know it was there."

Weeds and overgrown tree branches provided enough camouflage to the storage bins that it would have been hard to see them from the street. The vine-like structures were tangled all around and growing in every direction as if attempting to seal the containers' contents for an eternity.

"Watch our for snakes." Negan stomped over the tall grass that led up to the place and Sarah raised her eyebrows and stopped for a moment before pressing on behind him. When he turned to look at her over his shoulder with a grin she shook her head.

"Asshole."

"A walker got her, I fuckin' swear," he went on, dragging on the joke from just before.

"Shut up Negan," Sarah said back, making him chuckle.

He pointed as they got within reach. "I'm going to pry this motherfucker open. Just keep your eyes out for any kind of movement or shit. I saw a few of them walking dead assholes at the far end of the field over there. They may hear us breaking into this thing."

Sarah nodded and looked back and forth between the field, the woods and Negan. When he finally got the door propped open, both of them hesitated and listened before Negan took the lead and headed inside.

"Nearly fuckin' empty," he muttered, shaking his head and kicking a Styrofoam coffee cup on the ground. When they made it to the back of the storage container Negan shuffled around in the darkness, finding one unopened tin can of an unidentifiable food and then laughed to himself.

"What?" Sarah asked, still standing in the doorway. She squinted to see him but Negan slowly walked out of the shadow with a baseball bat in hand.

"I just can't get away from this shit." He fiddled around with the weapon and took a slow swing with one hand while holding the can in the other.

She smiled and then glanced around the empty space. "What a waste of time this was."

"There's a second one behind it," Negan informed her, "We'll check it out and if there's nothing we'll get the fuck out of here."

Sarah nodded and allowed him out before shutting the big steel doors and walking with him around the back to the second one. While the contents were slightly less disappointing, there was still nothing completely out of the ordinary that would make or break their group. All in all, the two of them walked out of there with some expired food seasonings, one plastic water bottle, a hat, a shovel and an old tackle box with only a few good hooks and lures.

"Better than nothing?" she asked, already knowing what the nature of Negan's response would be.

"Fuckin' disappointment." He kicked the door shut halfway and then began to walk ahead toward where they left the truck.

Sarah sighed, seeing how Negan's happy-go-lucky demeanor changed just slightly as he hauled an armful of items in one arm and kept the bat secured on his other shoulder.

"That thing's natural on your shoulder isn't it?" she asked.

Negan stared ahead for a few seconds and then cracked the smallest smile, satisfying Sarah just a bit. When they arrived back at the truck and tossed everything into the back seat, he started it up and began to drive back toward The Manor.

Sarah turned up the radio again and shifted her arm out the open window. Negan was quiet and stared straight ahead, glancing once or twice in the rearview mirror. Both of them jumped when the truck let off a loud popping sounding that could have possibly been mistaken for a gunshot.

"What the fuck." Negan looked in all directions and then slammed hand on the top of the wheel as smoke began to drift from beneath the hood.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked, looking around.

The truck's life slowly began to fade with more smoke and Negan pulled it over to the side of the road. "Fuckin' kidding me." He roughly opened the door and made his way around to pop the hood, talking into the walkie talkie as he did. "Anyone there?" he asked and then called to Sarah. "Kid hit the hood pop button under the driver's side."

Sarah leaned over, found the black level with the symbol that made sense and then Negan managed to get the hood open, drawing his hands back as hot smoke filtered up into him.

"Fuck this shit." Negan slammed the hood back down and spoke back into the radio. "Jack? Vince? Anyone there?" There was nothing and Negan finally waved a hand to Sarah. "Get out. Let's go."

"Want me to grab the stuff?"

Negan paced angrily to the back seat of the car, grabbed the baseball bat and shook his head. "No."

"I can fit the cans in my backpack," Sarah told him.

"Fine." He shut the door, reached in through the open front window to grab the map and then looked to make sure Sarah was just behind him. "Well... let's hope we don't run into a fucking herd... because we have a long walk back."

Sarah sighed and adjusted her backpack as they began the trek back.

"All of this for jack shit." Negan shook his head again.

Sarah looked at him and attempted to distract him. "JoJo looks like you, ya know." When he didn't initially respond she went on. "Lucy is starting to look a little more like Alex, but JoJo is totally your mini-me."

"Yeah..."

"Yeah." She sighed, sensing he wasn't at all in the mood to be humored.

"I hope they fuckin' sleep tonight," Negan said after a small bout of silence.

Sarah smiled. "Do they ever?"

"Lucy sleeps... when she takes up my half of the bed... yeah, her and her mother sleep just fine then."

Sarah smiled to herself and nodded. "And you let it happen." She shook her head, "Soft... in your old age."

Negan turned to her again when she said the word 'old' making her turn her head back so she was looking ahead with a wide smirk.

The sound of a car's ticking engine made both of them almost stop what they were doing and look at one another before turning to face the direction they'd come from. The truck was still spraying smoke from the hood but the sound they heard came from farther away; farther beyond it.

Negan was about to tell Sarah to head into the woods and get off the road when a car emerged from behind the truck sounding as if it, too, was on its last leg. Both of them instinctively reached for their weapons when the car began to slow down as it approached.

"Don't do anything fuckin' stupid," Negan said aloud, not knowing if he was directing it more at Sarah or the strangers that were close to revealing their identities. Before it got eye to eye with Negan and Sarah, the car stopped but the engine was still running and the sounds of Aerosmith's Dream On could be heard playing from inside.

Negan positioned himself in front of Sarah but she immediately stepped to be side by side with him in the center of the road. When the door clicked open they saw the cowboy first - Carl Grimes. He was a little taller, a little older and when he finally spoke his voice was a little deeper. He shut the driver's side door and let his hand fall to a revolver pistol on his hip. The passenger door opened next and Rosita stepped out, glaring just as well as her male counterpart.

"Fate's a funny thing, isn't it kid?" Negan asked, letting his face form into a hefty, carefree smile.

Neither Carl nor Rosita looked away, both looking ready for some form of duel or a paced out form of Russian roulette.

"Funny isn't the word I would choose," Carl said to them, never looking away from Negan, who's fingers twisted around the handle of the bat on his shoulder.

The thump of the bass from inside the car seemed to elevate the intensity of the stances of the four of them. Sarah felt her heart rate pick up and knew Carl was feeing exactly what she was. Negan still grinned, but looked prepared for anything - the two of them to charge, to shoot, to drive at them... anything. Rosita just remained in a stiff, cold stare that screamed, 'this is our opportunity'.

When no one spoke again, Negan willingly broke the silence and took one step ahead of Sarah, extending his arms out to both sides with the bat in his right hand. "Well..." He stared at Carl who appeared as though he wasn't about to back down. Negan admired that in the young man but saw all too much of his former self in him. With that in mind, he knew the day was about to end in one way this time. "What do you say kid?" He nodded at him, seeing Sarah removed the gun from her hip. At the same time their two opponents tightened their hands on their own weapons. Negan narrowed his eyes and gripped the bat a little firmer. "What's it going to be?"


	142. Keep Going

Sarah stood next to Negan telling herself she was prepared for anything. The unique warrior that possessed her soul was built and bred for situations like the one they were in. She would do whatever it took to get out alive and was even prepared to dive in front of a bullet if it meant saving Negan.

The next series of events were filled with nothing but reaction and impulse. By the time the dust had settled Sarah had to ask herself what had just happened. There were two noises analogous in sound. The first one was ear-splitting and the second one even more so. The consecutive bangs that left her ears ringing and her hands shaking made the next five second feel like they were moving in slow motion. It was the only way her brain could process what had happened.

The pistol rattled in Sarah's hand and she felt the empty shell casing clip the top of her ear as it flew by. Rosita's expression was what pulled her in first. All the world around her was a blurry, Picasso-esque mess of greens and grays and other colors. Her mouth hung open, eyes shifting slowly from person to person and her formerly tense posture had all but left her body. The gun she held hung loosely in his fingers at her side and it was only when she ran to Carl that the rest of the picture began to paint itself.

Carl laid flat on the ground unmoving with the pistol sprawled just out of reach of his hand. His cowboy hat danced in the breeze toward the car that was still running in the middle of the road.

Sarah turned to her left and forgot all about their adversaries when she witnessed Negan laying on his back seemingly struggling to breath on the center of the dark yellow line that split the two lanes on the wooded back road. The bat had rolled away from him and both of his hands hugged his chest.

"Negan..." Her mind caught up and she knew right then what the two deafening bangs had been. Carl hadn't hesitated when he fired the first shot. Sarah pulled the trigger next and she still couldn't remember physically doing it, though she knew she had. "Negan!" she called his name a little louder and dropped to her knees to hover over him. Blood covered the front of his t-shirt that was exposed down the center of his unzipped jacket.

"Get the fuck out of here," he choked out.

"No!" Sarah pushed his open jacket to either side in search for the origin of the wound on his torso. She removed the long-sleeved shirt she was wearing over a tank top and used it to attempt to stop the bleeding.

Negan tried to raise his head to see what Rosita and Carl were doing but he couldn't. "Sarah..."

"Help!" she called out, "Help us!" Sarah's mind began to race and she felt like she could cry. She looked around in all directions, this time feeling like things were happening in fast forward rather than slow motion. She came to her senses when her eyes landed on the handheld radio on Negan's belt and immediately she grabbed it. "Jack! Jack!" There was nothing. "Someone. Is anyone there?"

The sound of a car door slamming shut made Sarah's head snap up. Rosita's hands were covered in blood as she moved from the back door of the car to the driver's side door after having put Carl in the back.

"Sarah." Negan reached a hand up and grabbed her by her shirt, "Get out... get out of the way." He coughed sending mixture of saliva and blood into the air.

"No," she replied again. "I'm not going anywhere. They'll have to run me over."

He closed his eyes, hand still clutching the fabric of the baggy, white tank top and his other grasping his chest.

Sarah still applied pressure to his wound and spoke into the radio with more desperation this time. "Please... if anyone is out there." She looked up as Rosita floored the gas pedal, sending the car racing by them no more than a few feet away. "Get us help!" she began to cry, "Please!"

"Go..." Negan looked her in the eye, "You're going to have to fuckin'..." He swallowed hard and grimaced, not finishing his sentence.

Sarah looked to her left, to her right and into the woods on either side. "I don't know what to do," she said aloud, scaring herself by her own admission.

"Walk... go..."

"I'm not leaving."

"I'm going to die," Negan told her.

"No." Sarah shook her head and her tears dropped down onto him.

"If you stay with me I'm going to die." He took a deep breath, "Get yourself back to the Manor."

"Put your hands over this." She grabbed his hands and replaced them with her own over the wound and then moved around behind him and grabbed him under the arms. "We need to get back."

Negan cried out in pain and she gently put him back down flat on the road.

"We need to get back," Sarah repeated.

"You need to get back." Negan rolled onto his side and coughed hard again, making him groan and close his eyes shut tightly. "Fuck kid, go. I'll be here when you get back."

Sarah bit down hard on her bottom lip. She knew how far they were from the Manor. Even at a good running pace it would take well over an hour and that was if she could even run the whole way - which she knew she probably couldn't. With a deep breath she looked at him. "I'm dragging you off the road first." She wiped her eyes and used all of the strength she had to pull him away from the open space. His agonizing cries of pain made her stomach turn in knots and Sarah knew this time things might turn out differently for them then they had.

"Go," Negan said again, letting out two or three sobs before tapping it off and taking a deep breath.

Sarah helped him against an oversized rock so his back leaned against it and she pushed her shirt against his mid-section. "Keep the pressure." When Negan didn't answer she began to cry. "I love you," she told him. "I can't-"

"You can." Negan rested his head back against the rock and reached one hand up again to touch her face. "Go fuckin' get help kid." He struggled to swallow and took in several deep breaths that scared Sarah more than anything from the nature of him being unable to catch his breath.

Sarah took a deep breath and bit down on her bottom lip. "What if walkers come? You can't defend yourself."

Negan looked down and tapped a pistol on his hip. "Go."

She shook her head with much reluctance and took off running away from the woods and down the street. Every part of her body ached as she ran, not thinking about pacing herself or slowing down. The breeze felt like the enemy as it attempted to slow her down. Her bloody, white tank top felt like a parachute and her feet felt like they were in blocks of cement despite how fast she ran.

The scenery never changed - there was just trees and pavement for miles. The road felt never ending as her eyes searched for the street sign that would eventually lead to the next step. Sarah's hope began to fade and it was only the image of Negan laying nearly lifeless in the woods alone that made her power through the pain that shot through her calves and the breathlessness that made her lungs feel like two balloons that were ready to pop.

When the exhaustion crept in the toe of her sneaker caught the edge of an uneven piece of gravel, sending her body sprawling the ground. Sarah immediately began to sob - not from the immediate feeling of pavement's scrapes against her hands, knees and elbows but because of the hopelessness. What had begun as a casual, enjoyable ride earlier that afternoon had suddenly changed course and left Sarah with one of the biggest travesties she could imagine. Despite it all she pushed back up onto her hands, wiped the dirt off her arms and knees and kept going.


	143. Left at the Fork

**I'm having so much trouble deciding which direction to go in, but I made three different little schemes in my head and I'm so torn. Two of the three would pretty much require wrapping up the story within a few chapters. The third would be longer. Does anyone have an opinion? If so you can comment or PM me to let me know your thoughts because... I simply cannot decide.**

Alexandra drew a Band-Aid across Christopher's knee and smiled. "There ya go."

"Thank you." He used his thumb and pointer finger to press it down firmer and hopped of the table he was sitting on.

"Bye." Lucy waved a hand and took a break from playing with a little rag doll that one of the women in the town had made for her.

"Bye." Christopher waved back and skipped out of the room before heading back outside to play with some of the older boys.

"Let's go check on your little brother," Alexandra held a hand down to Lucy intending on scooping her up but Lucy took it upon her self to take the lead and dragged her mother out of the room into the next where Joseph was sleeping.

"He's asleep." Lucy pointed and looked at Alexandra.

"Let's let him sleep," she said in a quiet voice but grinned and finally picked her up. "I love you."

"I love you." Lucy put a hand over Alexandra's heart. "From here?"

She chuckled. "Yeah from here."

The main door to the building opened and Vince walked in with a towel wrapped around his hand. The smile on his face let Alexandra know that he wasn't hurt badly.

"Cooking accident." Vince grinned. "I think I'm going to be staying out their way in the kitchen from now on." When he removed the towel there was a good amount of blood.

"Yikes." Alexandra raised her eyebrows. "Yeah maybe you should stick to the watch." She smiled and waved him back in where Christopher had just been, examining his hand as they walked. "Looks a little deep. Maybe need a stitch or two but we'll see."

"Nah..." He shrugged. "Just a Band-Aid."

"Afraid of needles?" she teased, reaching for some rubbing alcohol.

Vince laughed lightly and allowed her to tend to the wound. "Negan must've found something good in those bins." He glanced out the window as the world grew darker.

Alexandra felt a wave of anxiousness pass through her. She always struggled to keep her mind busy when Negan was out. "Yeah, I hope so." She looked over her shoulder as the daylight rapidly faded.

"Stitches?" Vince asked again.

She shook her head. "No, a bandage will do just fine."

"Jack..." a female voice came over Vince's radio and he pressed his eyebrows together.

"This is Jack..." the next voice came.

Alexandra immediately stopped what she was doing when she recognized Sarah's voice. "Guess they're back."

"Jack!" her voice was more shrill this time and this time Alexandra listened more intently as Sarah's tone immediately changed. "Jack please help us."

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Where are you guys?"

Her voice was accompanied by pleading sobs. "I'm close... come get me please. Negan's all alone."

Alexandra swallowed hard and didn't know whether to bolt out of the building or stay. It was the children who anchored her in place and she continued to listen for a moment before grabbing the handheld radio.

"Sarah? Sarah it's Alex. Where are you?"

"Alex he was shot. Our car broke down. He needs help."

"Mommy..." Lucy looked at her, sensing her mother was upset. "What's wrong?"

"Where are you Sarah?" Alexandra asked. "We'll come get you."

"I'm at the street sign." Her voice was desperate and she didn't at all try to hid her sobs. "The first one you come to on the left. Go right out of the gates."

"Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

"No." Sarah sniffed in. "But I've never seen him in worse shape. You have to come now. He's alone."

Alexandra looked at Vince. "Please... can you stay with them?" She looked at Lucy. "Joe's in there."

"Go," Vince ordered. "I got them."

"Mom..." Lucy reached her arms out but Alexandra handed her to Vince.

"I'm sorry honey. Mommy will be right back okay. Stay here with Vince."

"No... Mom." She began to whine and Alexandra kissed her on the cheeks. "I'll be back with some lollypops from Nancy's house. I'll be right back. I promise baby. Look after JoJo until I get back." When she saw she wasn't fully convinced she asked, "What flavor do you want? I'm going to get it." Alexandra wiped away a single tear.

"Red."

"Okay." Alexandra looked at Vince who nodded for her to go. "I'll be back honey." She touched Lucy's cheek again and then took off running, speaking loudly into the receiver as Jack and Sarah continued their conversation. "Jack, I'm coming with you!" Alexandra told him.

"Gates are raising," he shouted back. "You got a gun on you?"

"No."

"I've got you covered."

"Hurry please," Sarah chimed in again. "Not for me... for Negan."

"Is he with you?" Alexandra asked, taking choppy breaths as she ran.

"No," she replied.

Alexandra ran faster, seeing the taillights of a truck already illuminated red. When she got there Jack waved her in and the two of them barreled out of the community down the main road.

"First street sign," Jack said.

"What is going on?" Alexandra was more thinking out loud than asking.

"Sarah, kid..." he said, "Look for us. You okay?"

"I'm walking down the road. Look for me on the left."

"Stay put!"

Alexandra's eyes scanned the area, struggling to see in the darkened atmosphere.

"I see you!" Sarah called.

Jack slowed the truck down when the headlights rolled over Sarah's tattered figure as she waved her arms in desperation. Before either of them could open the door Sarah let herself into the back seat of the extended cab.

Alexandra turned around. "Oh my gosh Sarah. Are you okay?" She took in her blood-stained shirt, scraped up hands and arms and dirty, tear-streaked face.

"I'm fine." She let tears roll down her face. "I just ran for miles."

Alexandra hugged her hard. "Are you hurt?"

Sarah shook her head and began to cry against her.

"Where's Negan?" Alexandra asked her, fearing the worst in his absence.

"Turn down this road." Sarah managed to point to the street sign. "I couldn't bring him back."

"What happened to the truck?" Jack asked, flooring the gas pedal and barreling down the way she explained.

"It broke down. We were walking." Her voice was rapid and frantic. "They came driving down the road and got out. Some old song was playing. It was loud. Really loud. Then I almost don't remember how..."

"Who was driving?" Alexandra asked her, eyes wide with anticipation.

"Carl... and someone else. Rosita... I think was her name. They just..." Sarah shook her head. "There were two shots. I killed Carl. I might have. And Negan was on the ground. Carl shot him first. They started it. We were just walking. We were having fun and laughing. Then he was down. I had to drag Negan away. I couldn't drag him all this way."

Alexandra put a hand over her mouth and felt tears leave both of her eyes at the same time. "Sarah... is he dead?" She swallowed hard and left he hand over her mouth.

Sarah's eyes shifted back and forth as if watching a movie in her head. Both of her eyes glazed over. "I don't know. I dragged him off the road. I know where he is." She shook her head and looked up at Alexandra. "I told him I loved him... and then he made me go. I tried calling for help but we were too far." When she began to ball Alexandra hugged her again.

"It's okay honey." She tried to be strong and catch her breath. "You weren't shot?"

"No." Sarah pulled back and wiped her eyes. "But we need to get to him..." She looked her in the eye. "Alex he said he was going to die."

Alexandra composed herself. "Where was he shot?"

Sarah's lip quivered as she spoke and she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "The chest I think." She continued to shake her head and began to cry louder.

"Am I going the right way?" Jack asked. "I'm sorry kid."

Sarah tried drying her eyes and while her sight was blurry she knew they were. "Yes." She imaged her carefree conversation earlier in the day with Negan as they listened to music, joked around and drove down the same road. The thoughts sent her even more over the edge and she barely got the next series of words out. "Go straight for a few miles until... until..." She let out a series of choked sobbing breathes, "The fork. Go left at the fork." Sarah's eyes met Alexandra's and she shook her head. "I tried to help him. I'm sorry Alex."


	144. Search Party

**Thanks everyone for the feedback. I have a very general consensus across the board I think. I appreciate the help, I really really do! I didn't think I'd be THIS conflicted about the story but I was totally at a crossroads with it. In one of my other stories (Negan & Lucille) I got all sad writing her death haha, so hence the help from everyone else. Much appreciated! :)**

Jack drove the truck as fast as possible without losing control and Sarah tried her best to remain composed. Alexandra's head was in so many different places that she hadn't allowed herself to get belligerent with emotion. She knew it wasn't fair to Sarah after all she had been through.

"How far?" Jack asked, glancing quickly over his right shoulder.

Sarah nearly pressed her forehead against the window to her left and looked out. "We're... this is almost it." She took in a deep breath and then finally adjusted herself in between the front two seats to peer out the windshield.

Several minutes went by before she finally shouted, "Stop!" as the headlights rolled over a mess of blood that smeared across the center of the road.

Jack slammed on the breaks, sending all three of their bodies heaving forward before slumping back and immediately they hopped out of the car.

"Negan!" Alexandra screamed as loudly as her vocal chords would let her. She looked around and Sarah ran past her into the woods.

"This way!"

Alexandra stared at the trail of blood from where Sarah had dragged Negan and could only stand there for a moment with her mouth open.

"Come on." Jack tugged on her arm and jolted her back to life.

The momentary shock wore off and Alexandra hurried behind the two of them, shouting Negan's name again. She heard Sarah do the same in front of her and could barely see the outline of her figure in the darkness.

"We better watch out for the dead ones," Jack commented to no one in particular as he hacked through a series of small bushes and tall grass with his boots.

When the two of them caught up to Sarah she was kneeled down by a giant boulder that towered over them. She looked up at Alexandra with a look of shock or disbelief. "He was here. He was right here."

Alexandra squatted down beside her and drew her hand over blood that covered the base of the rock and then glanced upward. Just a few inches higher her name was written in blood - just the first four letters and then the beginning of a message that had apparently been cut short: Alex I L

"You're sure he was here?" Jack asked, standing a few feet away.

Sarah put her hand over Alexandra's as she began to trace the letters with her fingers.

"Where is he?" Alexandra wondered aloud. She looked around. "He started this. Where is he?" Her voice grew louder. "Negan!" She rose to her feet, "Negan! It's Alex! Where are you?"

The silence haunted her. There was nothing - no signs of movement of any kind; not human, not animal - nothing.

Jack echoed her calls and then tried scanning the ground for some kind of trail. He bent down to take a closer look seeing the blood begin to trail off to the right along a trail that lead deeper into the woods. "This way... I think."

Alexandra didn't want to part from the rock where she knew Negan had written her name. _Why would he leave partway into it? He had to have been taken._

There were no walkers in sight but that still didn't give her hope.

"His gun!" Sarah pointed to the ground a few feet away and shook her head. "It was all he had."

Alexandra followed now and took it from Jack's hand as he scooped it up off the forest floor. She moved it from hand to hand and tried to will her brain to discovery what exactly had happened.

 _Rick came back_ , she thought, _to avenge Carl. He found Negan and took him back to Alexandria... or worse. He killed him and left him out here._

The thought made her heart rate climb. "Negan!" she shouted his name in a more panicked fashion and then began to ran along the trail ahead of Jack and Sarah. Each of them branched off in different directions but kept each other within a shout's distance so they wouldn't get separated. With every step Alexandra dreaded finding Negan's lifeless body slumped over somewhere but it never happened.

"Guys!" Sarah's voice shouted.

Alexandra felt her heart sink into her stomach, dreading her next words. "What is it Sarah?"

"I thought I was too far," she called back, "Just making sure you're close."

She sighed and put a hand on her chest but continued to scale every inch of her section of the woods nearby. "Come on baby," Alexandra said quietly to herself and then shouted again. "Negan! It's Alex!"

Nothing.

By the time they reconvened back at the rock Alexandra slumped down next to it to read his message to her again. She pictured him sitting there alone bleeding from the chest and struggling to write out the words. With the image she finally began to cry, wallowing in the breakdown of the unknown and exhaustion and emotion.

"We'll find him," Jack told her, squatting down behind her with a hand on her back. "He started writing this. He's somewhere."

"He could be dead out here," Alexandra told him, shaking her head.

"Looks like he was taken some place."

"Why do you say that?" Sarah chimed in, staring wide-eyed at Jack like a little kid ready to be told a story.

"He obviously began writing this... and he never finished," Jack explained. "He would either be lying here slumped over unable to write the rest..." He paused momentarily when he saw Alexandra's eyes fix on him after finishing that part of the sentence, "Or someone came here and interrupted him. Seeing as he's not here, my money's on door number two." When neither of them said anything Jack looked at Sarah. "You sure he was shot in the chest?"

Sarah thought for a moment. "I... I think. The blood was all over his shirt."

Jack looked at Alexandra. "We need to go find your friend Rick."

"Rick wasn't with them," Sarah explained.

"The kid died?" he asked her.

"I shot him. I don't know. He wasn't moving but I was helping Negan."

"Yeah... so let's say he did... or didn't," Jack went on, "Doesn't matter. Rick finds out what happened, comes back here and finds Negan... brings him back to where ever it is they live."

Alexandra glanced around the empty woods. "What if he's still out here?"

Jack looked her directly in the eye. "If he's out here," he took a deep breath not wanting to say the next set of words. "Then he's probably dead. We've been calling for him. He would have answered." When Alexandra closed her eyes and bit down on her lip Jack continued. "But I don't think he is. I think someone came here and took him somewhere else." He paused another time and then waited until she met his stare again. "Tell me how to get to Rick's place and we're there."

Sarah and Alexandra exchanged a glance and then Alexandra hardened her features and nodded. "I'll show you where it is."


	145. Gone

**Made another little video - "Negan & Alex" ... mostly clips I used before just put to music. I'm so into Aerosmith right now for some reason. Yep, my husband calls me a dork lol youtube dot com /watch?v=Uleiikmbl-8**

Alexandra slammed the door of the truck behind her and began to march up toward the Hilltop.

"Stop!" someone called from above, pointing the barrel of the gun in her direction.

"Where is he?" she shouted. In that moment Alexandra saw nothing but fifty shades of red. All of her energy had been channeled into anger and determination.

"I said stop!"

"Where's Negan?"

The two guards at the top glanced over at one another and didn't say anything.

"Let me in here now," Alexandra demanded.

"Negan's dead," the second man claimed.

"Prove it," she challenged, "Let me see him."

The first guard brought the radio to his lips. "Maggie we have ourselves a situation at the gate. Asking for Negan."

Alexandra looked the big doors up and down almost deciphering if she could climb them. When she heard Maggie say back that she would be right there she waited as patiently as possible and felt Sarah and Jack join her.

"Drop the weapon!" someone shouted from above.

"Fuck you!" Jack screamed back.

A hail of gunfire rang through the air and the three of them ducked but quickly realized the guard had purposely shot the bullets up into the air.

"Stop it!" Maggie's voice came from the other side.

Alexandra waited feeling her heart rate rise as she heard Maggie unlocking the gates from the inside. When the door swung open and they stood face to face some of the anger dissipated.

"Where's Negan?" She asked, remaining calm but firm.

Maggie glanced up at the guards and then back to Alexandra. "Rosita said... she said Carl shot him."

"Yeah and now he's gone," Alexandra said.

Maggie's eyes shifted back and forth between the three of them and then she stepped out, closing the door partway behind her. "Look if Rick knows you're here-"

"Carl started this!" Sarah chimed in, "We were just walking down the road, me and Negan. He pulled the car over and shot him."

"Is he here Maggie?" Alexandra asked again.

"We'll come with more force if necessary," Jack threatened, prompting Alexandra to put her hand up and shake her head.

Maggie looked around again and then back to her. "Look the way Rosita explained it... she made it sound like he died out there."

"Did they go back for him?" Sarah asked. "I pulled him off the road and hiked home. He was alive when I left him. When we went back to get him he was gone."

"Wrote a note in his own blood," Alexandra added, "But it was unfinished."

"He was just gone," Sarah finished.

"He's not here," Maggie informed them shaking her head.

"Bullshit," Jack jumped in again.

Alexandra studied Maggie's eyes; her expression. She wanted to believe her and a part of her truly did. "Where's Morgan? I want to speak with him."

"Negan isn't here," she said again, "Rosita and Carl came back alone."

"Carl's alive?" Sarah asked.

Maggie looked at the young girl. "Yes."

"Maggie, if he's here-" Alexandra began, eyes pleading and full of tears.

"I promise you Alexandra," Maggie said, "From a mother to a mother Negan is not here. No one here has seen him. We're all too concerned for Carl right now to leave."

"No one left here since Carl and Rosita returned?"

She shook her head. "No."

"No one?" she emphasized.

"No one." Maggie's eyes burned into hers. "I'm sorry." She paused. "Still want me to get Morgan?"

Alexandra felt hopeless. Ironically she was praying this time that Negan was behind the walls of the Hilltop. Seeing that he wasn't, that meant he was either taken by another group or worse.

Her thoughts immediately turned dark. She stared off into space for a moment and pictured Negan attempting to drag himself back to the Manor. She pictured him in pain and lost in the woods with walkers all around. In another waking nightmare she envisioned him simply removing himself from the area knowing he was about to die so neither of them would find him laying there dead.

"I'm sorry things have to be like this," Maggie said to Alexandra.

"They didn't have to be." She shook her head and struggled to maintain her composure.

"I'm sorry."

Alexandra took in a deep breath through her nose and turned, walking past Sarah and Jack toward the truck.

"Aren't we going to look around?" Jack asked.

"He's not here," she replied without looking back. Alexandra knew that Maggie wasn't lying, and staying to search the Hilltop she viewed as a waste of time.

Jack and Sarah glanced at Maggie once more and she waited until the three of them were in the truck before heading back inside the gates.

"If he's not here..." Alexandra subconsciously buckled her seatbelt and sat in a wave of her own silence for a moment. She ran her hand across her forehead and then let out a deep breath. "Take me back to where we were."

"Alex, we checked-" Jack began as he put the car in reverse.

"I don't care," she said.

"It's dark. You-"

"Jack." Alexandra turned calmly to face him. "If you don't want to join me then I'll drop you off at The Manor first... but I'm going back to those woods to look for him."

"The walkers Alexandra. They could be all in those woods."

"Does it look like I give a fuck right now?"

The tone of her voice made the hair stand up on the back of his neck. He realized what was likely the case if they didn't find Negan.

"What if he's somehow back..." He didn't want to suggest the best case scenario because he knew how unlikely it was.

"What if he's back at the Manor?" Alexandra finished. She would've smiled in the most sarcastic form possible if she was able to. Instead she shook her head. "I'll drop you off Jack."

He shook his head. "No... no I'm going with you."

"Me too," Sarah added from the back.

Alexandra looked around in all directions as they began to drive. "I'm not going back until we find him."


	146. Purple Bandana

The world was a blur. There were noises and sounds but none of it was registering as conscious thoughts. There was clanking, and figures moving; male and female voices.

 _Where am I?_ Negan's eyes flickered open but he felt like he was caught between a world that was both real and imaginary. He looked around and heard a woman's voice first. She whipped in through the door but her figure was blurry aside from a purple headband that covered her head.

"Lay back down." She sounded as if she was in a tunnel.

Negan hadn't realized she was speaking to him until her warm palm pressed against his forehead. He hadn't even realized he had even sat up until he felt his head collapse into a pillow. A second later it felt as if a burning, pulling pain was shooting through his side and then trickled into his back.

"It's almost over."

He recognized that he had cried out in pain four or five seconds after he'd done it. Negan focused on the woman's purple bandana again and didn't rule out that he might be in some form of an afterlife. He was delirious, high from the natural release of adrenaline and began to contemplate all forms of scenarios that could be possible for where he was.

"Does he need more medicine?" a male voice asked.

"Maybe for the pain."

The world was a blur again. Even at his darkest, weakest moment's Negan had never felt the lack of control he felt at that moment. Behind the woman in the bandana a man crossed the room. All Negan could tell for sure was that he had a beard.

The woman leaned down toward him and Negan was too disoriented to even make out her features. All he could focus on was the purple bandana that covered most of her head.

 _Am I hallucinating?_ Negan hated not being in control of his mind and therefore his actions.

"Lucille?" he leaned forward to try seeing her more clearly but when it didn't work he laid his head down flat again.

"I'm going to make the pain go away." Her voice was certain and she nodded. "Don't try to get up. Just lay there."

Negan tried to relax but the uncertainty of his location and the people around him prevented him from fully doing so. He glanced down at his bare feet as they stuck out the end of a white cover. The woman moved back and lightly hit the bottom of his left foot with her fist.

"Can you feel that?" her voice echoed again.

Negan almost didn't answer, and then finally he shook his head. "What?" He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "No."

"He's too out of it to evaluate him," the man said. "Wait until the drugs wear off."

She sighed. "He needs another dose. He felt me put the stitches shut in his back."

"No... fuck" Negan gasped the word out. "No drugs."

"Not drugs... pain medication."

He felt her attaching something to his arm and then slowly the world got a little more fuzzy.

"Just sleep." Her voice was soothing and she placed a hand on his clammy forehead before running it through his hair.

"Alexandra?" Negan swallowed hard and then just before his eyes closed he saw the blurs of purple from the bandana. "Lucille?"

As hard as he tried to fight it, Negan's mind slowly drifted away from reality and all the pain and uncertainty he was feeling left him. The blurry sights and sounds faded around him and he sunk into a deep, peaceful realm of unconsciousness.

* * *

Alexandra's hopes were crushed when they arrived back at the Manor. She couldn't for a second allow herself to believe that Negan might be behind those walls because then anything less would be the ultimate letdown. She knew he wasn't; that he couldn't be. From Sarah's explanation he had been on the brink of death when she'd left him and hiked back miles and miles. Too much time had passed and if Negan had been shot in his chest or midsection then he would have been getting weaker, not stronger. There was no way he would have managed to walk back.

 _What if someone drove him._ Alexandra shook her head. _He's not here. I know he's not._

"Alex," Jack started, as he slowed the car to a halt in front of the main gates. "I'm sorry-"

She exited the vehicle before he could finish. Alexandra knew it wasn't far to be rude to him but she didn't care. She wanted to run somewhere and scream out loud.

The gates rose and she slammed the passenger door not caring about anything around her. She wanted to see her children but knew she didn't a moment alone and so she walked.

The occasional person roaming about the town gazed in her direction but Alexandra didn't notice. She didn't know where her tunnel vision was leading her but she didn't think. She just walked... and walked... and walked until she reached the back wall of the Manor and couldn't go any farther. What she wanted to do was run - run as far as she could until her lungs collapsed. The thought, along with screaming, were the only things that felt appealing at that moment.

The back of the Manor behind the farm area was dark; secluded. It was exactly the kind of place she needed to be.

Alexandra slumped down to a seated position with her back against the wall and rested her elbows on her knees with her hands folded.

"Why?" she asked aloud, not caring if someone happened to hear her. "Why now? Why when things are good? Alexandra looked to the sky and shook her head with a glare. "I just don't get it. I do not for one second understand." She felt the warm sting of tears in her eyes - something she hadn't felt in a long time before that day. Alexandra abruptly rose back to her feet and shouted to the heavens, "Were things too fucking good for us?" She began to cry and slumped back down so she was seated and put her face in her hands.

She sniffed in and continued on. Alexandra couldn't count the amount of times she had cried for Negan - for his safety in particular. Now, the unknown was killing her. Was he alive? Was he dead? Had she missed him in her relentless pursuit of the woods? Was he truly out there somewhere right now alone?

The first rays of morning sun had begun to shine down.

 _All night,_ Alexandra shook her head. _We would have found him. He wouldn't have been able to get far. We scaled every inch of those woods for miles... and miles..._

Nine lives, she remembered telling him. She shook her head and prayed it wasn't true but the thought crept into her mind anyway. _Maybe this is all we get... maybe our time is up._


	147. Soul Searching

Negan opened his eyes and looked around. Where ever he was looked more like a beach hut than a house. The walls appeared to be comprised of bamboo or sticks of some sort but the interior was surprisingly warm. There were tie-dye blankets and a borderline hippie vibe to the room. Negan wanted to spring out of bed and make sure he wasn't in danger, or ask where his family was but he felt like something was wrong. His eyes shifted down toward the edge of the bed and he struggled to move.

"What the fuck..." He swallowed hard and used all of his energy to wiggle his toes and then shouted aloud. "Hello!"

For a moment he waited, and then reached down toward his legs, running his hands over his left leg. _I can't feel my left fucking leg_ , he thought.

"You're awake." A woman crossed into the room with a bowl of warm water and a face cloth.

"Yeah, no shit," Negan grumbled. He glanced up at her bandana. "I thought this whole thing was a fuckin' dream."

"It's no dream." She placed the cloth down on his forehead. "What do you remember?"

He swallowed hard and didn't immediately answer her question. "I can't feel my left fuckin' leg."

"I was afraid of that. The bullet must've hit a nerve."

Negan tried to sit up but he immediately laid back down when pain shot through his body. "What the fuck."

"You can move your toes. That's a good sign."

"I need to get home."

"Where is home?"

"Tell me how I got here and who the fuck you are." Negan let out a deep breath, "What community is this?"

"My name is Kismet. I live here with my husband George. It's just the two of us. There is no community."

"How the fuck is that possible." His eyes shifted around the room.

"We chose to live up here since well before the kooks took over. That's what George calls them. We always liked to live freely and eventually got this place up here in the mountains. The elevation is so high that they really can't make it up. It's too steep. Many don't even make the trip up this way but the ones that do... they just end up tumbling down."

"How the fuck did I get here?" Negan asked softly and looked her in the eye.

"You were passed out in the woods," she explained, "George and I were down there scavenging. You're lucky we came down. We rarely do."

"What happened to the kid?"

"What kid?" She raised her eyebrows and stepped back.

"Sarah," Negan said, "The girl. Was she with me?"

Kismet shook her head. "No... no there was no girl."

He closed his eyes and tried to remember the events the led to where he was. He remembered walking down the street... and then Carl and Rosita getting out the car... he remembered the shots that rang out and then Sarah dragging him to the side of the road. "She went back to get help," he said quietly.

"What?"

"Sarah."

"Who's Sarah? Is she your daughter?"

Negan raised his eyes to hers again. "I have a family in a community not far from where you found me. I need to go to them. I don't even know if she made it back."

"Who's Lucille?" Kismet asked.

He paused and drew in a deep breath through his nose. When he didn't answer she went on.

"You asked me several times last night if I was Lucille, and then Alexandra."

"Jesus... fuck I don't remember shit." He put a hand on his head and looked down at his leg again. "I need to get the fuck out of here."

"You can't do anything right now."

"This is starting to remind me of that fuckin' movie Misery."

Kismet cracked a smile and then began to laugh. "I assure you that I haven't hit your legs with a two by four." She glanced down at his leg again. "I thought there might have been nerve damage from the way you didn't move that leg at all."

"I need to get home to my wife and my kids," Negan told her. "How far are we from where you found me?"

She looked him in the eye. "We're a long hike."

"But walking distance."

"Yes."

"Good. I need to go. If you could fuckin' help me-"

"What's your name?"

He took a deep breath, annoyed that she'd cut him off. "Negan."

"Negan... I can't bring you anywhere until you're healed. You may not be able to walk right again and the bullet wound could get infected. Never mind the fact that you've just been shot. You can't just be wandering around. It's going to take time for you to gain the strength to even attempt to travel." Kismet paused and sat on the edge of the bed, "God, that bullet missed every major organ and artery. You're breathing is fair which means your lungs are alright and if it struck your heart we wouldn't be having this conversation right now."

He put a hand on his forehead. "I don't even know if Sarah made it back. She was on foot many miles from home. The walkers could've fuckin' been anywhere. It was getting fuckin' dark. The kid who shot me... their people could've come back for her."

"Who was it that shot you? Were they trying to steal things from you?"

Negan scratched his head. "It's a long fuckin' story and I don't have the fuckin' energy to talk about it."

"You didn't get along."

"In a fuckin' nutshell... yes."

"I'd like to hear the details in time."

"How the fuck do you protect yourselves up here?"

"No one bothers to come all the way up here," Kismet explained, " How do we protect ourselves?" She smiled, "No one knows we're here. And it's been that way since the beginning."

"What do you eat?"

"Like I said, we'd been living off the land, off of nature, for years before all of this. We have crops... lots of them. We have chickens and goats. We have herbs and natural means to treat ailments."

Negan studied her features and decided she had no reason to lie to him. However odd the story was he couldn't deny that she and her husband had come to his aid and rescued him. "Just the two of you?"

"That's right."

"No kids? No other friends?"

She shook her head. "Didn't have kids before all of this. Certainly wouldn't have them now in these circumstances."

"We did." Negan tipped his mouth up in a half grin briefly as he thought of Lucy and Joseph but then swallowed hard. "I need to get back to them. I need to fuckin' take care of them. Alexandra needs to know I'm fuckin' alive. I need to know if Sarah made it back."

"Alexandra's your wife?"

"Yes." He sighed, "She's a doctor. She'll take care of me. I just need you to get me back." Negan tried to sit up again and then bit down on his tongue and laid flat. "Please."

Kismet nodded. "As soon as you've healed. We can't transport you like this." She took in the pain in his eyes. "You look like a man who's seen some things... done some things." When Negan looked back up to meet her gaze she went on. "Forgive yourself and move on. Whatever animosity you have with these other people..." she shook her head and motioned to his less-than-stable condition, "Don't let it be the downfall of you."

"Well I've put in my fuckin' part," he grumbled. "They're the ones who keep coming after me." Negan huffed a laugh and closed his eyes. "Maybe I fuckin' deserve it. Who the fuck knows. Alexandra doesn't though." He shook his head. "She deserves better."

"Then make it right... for her."

"Yeah? How the fuck do I do that?"

Kismet rose from where she sat. "I don't know your story. Only you know the answer to that."

Negan stared at her for a moment and then she walked out of the room, leaving him to stew in the reality of her words. He wasn't sure what she meant, or what he could do to end the feud that never received proper closure between himself and Rick's people. The whole situation was a big ball of frustration and uncertainty. Negan looked down at his leg again and shook his head.

Kismet peeked her head back into the room. "Maybe you could take this time of immobility to do some soul searching." She left again and Negan stared at the empty doorway. He laid back, took in the vibrancy of the room for a moment and then got lost in a collection of his thoughts.

 _Soul searching..._ Negan shook his head. _What the fuck does that mean?_


	148. Full Moon

Alexandra put Joseph down the sleep and shut Lucy's door before taking the stairs to the first level of the house. She poured herself a short glass of wine and sat for a moment at the kitchen table.

For days and days she had been out on the roads and in the woods searching for Negan. The first few days she found herself squatted down by the rock where he had written her name for an extended period of time. Since then, a rain had washed the blood away leaving nothing but a ghost of Negan's last message to her before he disappeared.

"Hey..." Sarah wandered into the kitchen and pulled up a chair.

"Hey." Alexandra smiled at her.

"You okay?"

She nodded and cupped her hands around the glass. "Yeah."

"I'll go out with you again tomorrow," Sarah offered. She rested her chin against her hands as she folded them on top of the table.

Alexandra managed a small smile. "He's out there somewhere."

Sarah nodded. "I should've dragged him back to the storage bin and locked it." She shook her head. "I didn't even think."

"It was too far."

"I could've done it."

"That's a long way to drag somebody." Alexandra shook her head. "If he couldn't walk away himself then someone had to have found him."

"Don't think it was the Hilltop people?"

She shook her head. "Maggie wouldn't lie."

Sarah sighed. "You really think he's... out there somewhere?"

"Yeah." Alexandra took a sip from the glass of wine and stared through the open doorway that led into the living room. "Or maybe I'm just losing my mind." She got lost in her thoughts for a moment until Sarah touched her hand.

"If anyone's alive out there it's Negan."

"I used to tell him he had more lives than a cat." She smiled to herself when she pictured him finishing her sentence. "JoJo looks just like him."

"Yeah he does." Sarah grinned but quickly let it fade. "A lot."

"If nothing else I have a part of him in them." Alexandra took another sip from the glass of wine.

Sarah sighed again. "You need to let it out."

"What?"

"Cry."

Alexandra squeezed Sarah's hand lightly. "I have. I don't know that I have anything left right now."

"Me either." She swallowed hard and then looked up at Alexandra. "I think he's alive."

Alexandra turned to look out the window behind her and glanced up at the moon. "Unless it's proven otherwise... I'm not going to stop looking."

* * *

Negan stared out a small, square window at the full moon and tried to distract himself from all that was going on in his mind. He missed his children and worried about their thoughts.

Will they think I just left them? He pictured Alexandra tucking in Lucy and having to answer her questions. He imagined her getting little to no sleep but still waking up four times in the middle of the night to Joseph's cries.

He then imagined Sarah struggling to find her way back to the Manor. Her strength was his only positive thought.

Negan closed his eyes a fought back tears as he tried to steer his thoughts away from some of the most heart-wrenching images his mind had ever created.

George entered the room. "I see you're able to move the left foot a little."

Negan ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Is there anything we can get for you?"

"No." He turned to look out the window again.

George looked around and then nodded. "Alright."

"I don't mean to be such a fuckin' dick all the time," Negan called after him as he went to leave the room.

He doubled back with another nod. "You've been through a lot."

"I just want to see my family."

"I'm building a walker for you," George informed him. "We'll get you on your feet. It'll take some time but we'll get you back to them. I know it's hard, but have faith and be patient. Good things will come your way."

Negan secretly envied George's natural positive attitude. It seemed like it came to him without even trying. When he crossed back out of the room again Negan immediately started to think of Alexandra again. For whatever reason his thoughts drifted to Maggie and to Carl.

He knew Carl was shortchanged in his life. He was forced to grow up too soon and witnessed death and killing far too early. Negan relived the time that Lucille died with much pain and acknowledged how difficult it was for him to overcome. Not long after he had gone completely off the deep end when his only form of love had been stripped away. Even as a grown man he wasn't even able to put her down when she came back from the dead. Carl, he knew, had been forced to put down his own mother.

He shook his head, feeling the edges of his eyes grow hot as tears developed inside of them. Negan knew he had done wrong to let Carl stand by as he slaughtered their friends to prove a point. He hoped there was a chance for redemption for the boy and that his heart hadn't completely died.

Maggie. While Negan saw much of himself in Carl he saw Alexandra in Maggie. Long ago he would have made no connection, but knowing what his wife was going through now made him put it all into perspective.

Right now Alexandra was home. She was raising two children alone and attempting to cope with the pain she felt while still giving her full attention to their children. She was strong. She would make it work no matter what... but she was unsure of how she would do it alone.

Negan knew he would be home in time and just prayed that Alexandra's pain was bearable and that by some stretch of the imagination she could feel in her heart that he was alive. He fantasized that she could somehow hear him when he spoke quietly to her at night letting her know that things would soon be okay.

This wasn't the same for Maggie or her child. She was forced to go it alone and overcome the pain while raising a child and remaining positive for the community she had single-handedly overtook, not with force but with love and respect that she had earned.

Negan knew what he had to do in order to put an end to the madness; to really make peace with himself and hopefully the other side. He would have to go to the Hilltop and Alexandria and face them directly, put his sins on the table and ask for forgiveness. All in all he knew it was the only way to preserve his family's safety. While it was Carl who had pulled the trigger that left him next to dead he knew it was his own fault for where he was, and for what had happened.

"Here." George entered the room. "Some water and some sliced fruit. You should eat it before you go to sleep."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Negan reached over and took a sip of the water. He then looked out the window again and stared at the moon.

"Stay strong honey. I'll see you soon."


	149. Love and Rage

Negan moved his foot and twisted his ankle in circles. He struggled laying in bed to move the rest of his left leg and it wasn't until he was out of breath that he finally gave up, slamming his fist hard into the mattress.

He had begun to enjoy the positive words from George and Kismet at times, but he hoped they wouldn't come into the room. Negan was nothing if not prideful and struggling to get simple movement into his left leg, in his mind, was unacceptable.

For several seconds he just laid there and then he envisioned Alexandra's face again. Empathy- it was never something he was very good at but in that moment he mentally traded places with her with ease.

Negan knew that Alexandra would probably give up the use of her entire body if it meant seeing him alive again. He knew, in that sense, that she was in greater pain than he was. It was that thought alone that allowed him to push past the pain and sit up before grabbing his left leg and swinging them over the side of the bed.

He took in several deep breaths and clutched his side for a moment but finally found it in him to try to stand. Negan put his right foot down first and then braced himself as he tapped the wooden floorboards with his left foot. For several seconds he just sat there and then put all the pressure on his good leg and rose, still leaving the other hovering an inch or two off the ground.

"Negan." Kismet came rushing into the room but he put up a hand and placed the other on the wall to brace himself.

"Don't," Negan ordered.

"You can't put pressure on that leg." She kept her distance as he asked but it was obvious from her tense posture that she wanted to rush in and help him.

"Well we don't fuckin' know that shit yet, do we?"

"I do." Kismet nodded but let out a deep breath, "But you can try."

Negan zoned everything out, still keeping the majority of his body weight on his right leg before he finally put pressure on his left. Immediately he felt the leg cave and shake beneath him and he caught himself again against the wall and readjusted his body weight so the right leg held all of it. "Fuck." He shook his head and was tempted to take another step but instead he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Your will is strong," Kismet told him.

"This is fucking pointless isn't it?"

"No." She sighed, "I was wrong. You need to try."

"You knew that the nerve in my back was fucked up."

"Yes," she confirmed.

Negan looked down as he spoke. "Will it ever get better?"

"You can move your foot and your ankle," Kismet pointed out, "That's more than you could do when we first got you. Your leg was jump... limp."

"This is fuckin' embarrassing."

"Why?"

Negan huffed a laugh. "I can't fuckin' walk. I can't even take care of myself."

"You're ashamed of relying on other people when you're in need?"

He didn't answer, just scratched his head and took a deep breath before resting his elbows on his knees.

"How is your side?" she went on when he failed to respond.

"It's alright," Negan grumbled. He glanced around before laying back down on the bed before staring at the attire that George and Kismet had dressed him in. His pants were baggy, off-white and comfortable and his t-shirt matched. "I'm fucking frustrated."

"George is still working on the walker for you... and a cane. It will be strong."

"I don't need that shit."

"Negan." Kismet stared him down. "You need to let go of your pride." She put up a hand when he was about to protest. "For the sake of your family."

Negan bit his tongue and stared at her, again without much to say.

"I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe."

He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Frankenstein." Kismet smiled, "Well, not the original."

"I'm not fucking following."

"Just from hearing you speak of your family, and of the conflict that lies between you and these people... you're a passionate man. You have the ability to love truly and passionately, but I have a feeling that you have a rage within you to compete with your love. If you turn it loose you can be a dangerous man."

"Ya know lady... I'm starting to think you're a a fuckin' psychic."

"Just a good people reader."

"Yeah..." Negan rested his hands behind his head and closed his eyes.

"I'm going to stick with the Frankenstein theme I started here," Kismet told him, "Whatever is it... you have to confront your monster. I mean wholly confront it. Your love will win over your rage if you allow it to."

"I'm too fuckin' mentally shot for tongue twisters."

"Do you believe in fate?"

Negan's eyes grew more serious and the clarity of his time on the road before being shot became more clear. He recalled speaking briefly about fate with Carl. "I don't fuckin' know," he said back.

"You are in need of redemption Negan... if you want peace for your family."

"You don't know anything about me... or my fuckin' situation."

"You're right," Kismet agreed, "But I do know enough of you from what you said, from the scars on your face and the anger behind that bullet that the young man put in you that you have a past."

"Don't we all." Negan shook his head and looked at her again. "I just need to get back to my family. I'm ready. Can you fuckin' do that for me? I'd fuckin' leave myself but I don't know where the fuck we are and-"

"And you may never regain the use of your left leg... so hiking down a mountain isn't looking too good right now."

"I'm humbled," he told her, beginning to tighten his jaw, "I need you."

Kismet nodded. "I think another day or two will do you good. Soul search."

"I fucking have been."

"Think about what I said tonight. As soon as George is done with your walker and the cane... we'll go."

Negan stared at her. "I'll fuckin' beg."

"You don't have to." Kismet nodded. "Goodnight Negan." She excused herself from the room and all he could do was watch her go.

Negan took in his surroundings again, feeling like he was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. "What the fuck," he whispered to himself. The stubborn part of him wanted to get up and try walking again but he knew he would end up on the floor without assistance. All he really wanted at that moment was Alexandra. He needed her love and her patience. He acknowledged the fact that he could live with whatever physical ailments he was dealt if it meant having her right next to him.

He thought about Kismet's quote about love and rage and knew that Alexandra and their children were the love that took over where rage had been for so long. Now, he just needed to figure out the rest of her literature-ridden riddle.


	150. Daydreaming

Alexandra put a plate of scrambled eggs down in front of Lucy at the table and then hurried across the kitchen with Joseph perched up in her arm to see if the oatmeal she was making for the two of them was ready.

"Ba ba ba ba ba," he rattled off incoherently and then smiled a dimple-infused grin when Alexandra turned her attention on him.

She couldn't help but smile back and tickled him to get a deep laugh out of him. "What are you sayin' Joe?"

Joseph reached an arm out and grabbed the bottom of Alexandra's face and then giggled when she made a face.

"You're in a good mood today." She peppered his cheeks with kisses and then held him tightly against her for a moment until he managed to push himself back. "Mama's smothering you. I'm sorry."

"Ba!" he pointed toward the stove and she shook her head.

"That's hot." Alexandra removed the pan from the burner and began to shuffled through one of the cabinets for a bowl that she and Joseph could share. She scooped some of the oatmeal out of the pan and then headed over to the table where Lucy sat. "Eat your eggs honey."

Lucy shook her head and set her chin down on the edge of the table.

"What's wrong baby?" Alexandra asked, beginning to run her hand through her hair.

She slid her hands up over her eyes and didn't respond.

"Lucy..."

Lucy pushed the dish away and Alexandra could see she was crying beneath the shield of her hands.

"Honey." Alexandra slid her chair over and wrapped her arm around her daughter. Lucy immediately laid down so her head rested in Alexandra's lap. "Tell me what's wrong," she urged.

"I want Daddy." She muffled the words against her and didn't look up.

Alexandra closed her eyes and rested her hand on Lucy's head. "He's out getting us more food. Remember?" she took in a long, quiet breath as she tried to hold it together.

"At the farm?" she sniffed in.

She shook her head and let tears fall from each eye, though her voice never shook. "Not our farm. A different one. There are different animals there."

"Different ones?"

Alexandra could hear Lucy's voice getting back to normal in the midst of her lingering tears. "Yeah. Remember the picture book of animals?"

Lucy picked her head up. "Yes."

"Well..." she struggled to find a way to make a connection. "You... remember the goats right? The billy goats... with the horns."

"And the beards?" Lucy touched her chin as she spoke and sat back up in the chair.

Alexandra laughed and dried her eyes. "Yes... and the beards."

Lucy nodded. "I remember."

"Well... the farm that Daddy went to has goats. And the goats give us different milk than the cows."

"They do?"

Alexandra nodded, relieved that her on-the-fly story was working. "Yeah. Daddy went to go get that special goat milk to bring back here. As soon as he gets it you'll..." She hesitated because she knew there was potential for a huge let down. Still, she couldn't stand to see Lucy upset. "You'll get to see him again."

"When?"

"I don't know." She struggled not to cry but held it together and distracted herself. "Can JoJo have a little piece of your egg while the oatmeal cools down?"

Lucy looked at her brother and then nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you." Alexandra pulled her forehead toward her and left a kiss in the center of it. She then used the fork on Lucy's plate to cut Joseph off a small piece of the scrambled eggs and put it up to his mouth. Joseph eagerly accepted the food into his mouth and then reached his hands out for some more. Alexandra tested the oatmeal but it was still too hot. She smiled when Lucy took it upon herself to cut Joseph off another small piece. "You're a good sharer Lucy."

After Joseph gobbled up the second bite Lucy offered a piece to her mother.

"Thank you." Alexandra ate the small piece and looked into her daughter's eyes. At the same time she heard Joseph attempting to talk to her from her other side and turned to look at him.

 _Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it..._ As bad as she tried to hold back Alexandra cupped her free hand over her mouth and nose and started to cry. At first Lucy didn't know what to make of it but quickly rose to her feet, using the table to balance herself on top of the chair and stared at Alexandra.

"What's wrong Mommy?" She squatted down now so they were eye level and her delicate, innocent face made Alexandra want to cry even harder.

"Come here baby." She waved Lucy to her and hugged her tightly against her body with Joseph still lingering in her other arm.

Lucy rested her head against Alexandra's chest and hugged her back just as tight. Joseph reached an arm out toward the food on the table, completely unaware of all that was happening around him.

"I love you," Alexandra said to both of them.

Lucy moved her hand over her heard. "I love you."

She smiled and sniffed in, unable to dry her eyes with her hands full of her children. Alexandra didn't care and continued to cry, laugh and smile all at once when Lucy planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you," she told her.

"Welcome." Lucy plopped back down in her chair and Alexandra took a deep breath as she watched her begin to eat her breakfast.

She took a spoon and tested the oatmeal, deciding that the temperature was appropriate now for Joseph to eat and she fed him a small bite off the spoon.

"JoJo's hungry," Lucy pointed out with a little laugh.

"Yeah he is." Alexandra finally managed to dry her eyes and continued to feed him. She looked back and forth between her children again and smiled to herself in the bittersweet moment. For a moment she daydreamed about what Negan would have been doing had he been there with him right then. He would have probably teased Lucy with bites of her food, using a fork full of eggs as an airplane above her head until he finally fed her a bite. That, or he would have been the one tending to the oatmeal with Joseph in his arms as he donned an apron just to be funny. He would have thrown a curse word or two out that made Alexandra give him a look that made him smile his perfect smile at her.

She shook her head and snapped back to reality as the image of him that almost felt too real in the daydream faded away. Alexandra tried to face the fact that she would probably never get to see his smile again.


	151. Life

"I can't fuckin' put any weight on it without it giving out." Negan wanted to throw the walker across the room.

"Relax," Kismet encouraged him, glancing at her husband George as he stood in the corner of the room taking it all in with his hands on his hips. "You have to put that half of your weight on the walker using your arms... when you go to step with your left foot."

Negan stood in the center of the room he had been staying in and huffed a deep, frustrated breath. "This fuckin' sucks," he muttered and then took her advise anyway.

"Be patient," George added softly, raising his eyebrows.

He wanted to tell them both to go to hell just because he felt as if he'd lost all sense of independence. Their hospitality, the amount of time George had spent making the walker and a set of crutches along with the sheer fact that they had took him in and saved his life made him bite his tongue.

Negan stepped forward with his good leg first, moving the home-made walker forward as he did and used Kismet's suggestion to move with the left leg. He gritted his teeth as he struggled to put even the slightest amount of weight on the left leg and then rebounded and moved his right foot again. "I have to regain some feeling in my fuckin' leg."

Kismet walked up to him and put her hands on the wooden rounded handle in front of Negan's. "Don't think about it."

"That makes a shit ton of sense."

"Really," she said, "You have so much anger inside of you." Kismet shook her head, "Picture your family... your children... your wife." When Negan looked up at her she smiled. "And then take this step by step... literally."

Negan took in a breath through his nose and swallowed hard. He gripped the handles and put most of the weight on his arms before starting off with his left foot this time. The little feeling he had in his foot aided in putting some pressure on it though the struggle was very real in his pursuit of crossing the room.

Kismet and George encouraged him as he walked, and while there was still that pride inside of him that wanted to tell them to be quiet, he did as Kismet suggested and thought of his motivation behind all of it.

Alex, Lucy, Joseph and Sarah were at home attempting to survive without him. Each day that passed was another that he wasn't there to protect them, to spend time with them. It was another day that Lucy grew accustomed to not having him around; that Joseph got used to the people in his life and Negan wasn't one of them. He knew he couldn't stay put up on the mountain for too much longer. He needed to go home.

When he finally reached the doorway that led out to the rest of the tiny house he took a deep breath. "Fuck."

"See." Kismet gushed over the accomplishment that Negan saw as next to nothing. "You did it."

He glanced around the short hallway that lead in one direction to what he guessed was another bedroom and a bathroom. The other direction opened into a spacious, open living room.

"Well if this isn't the fuckin' perfect spot for two hippies living in the apocalypse then I don't know what the hell is."

Kismet chuckled and reached for George's hand as he stepped in beside her. "It's not the apocalypse."

"If you say so."

"Really," she continued to smile, "If it were we'd all be dead by now. There is life. There are beautiful creatures still living."

Negan turned to her. "You're happy all the time. How the hell can you be so positive?"

"Because of people like you."

"People like me?" Negan couldn't help but laugh. "Can't you fuckin' tell by now that I'm a miserable fuckin'-"

"No you're not." Kismet smiled at him and looked at George again before turned back to Negan. "Miserable people don't miss their families the way you do. They don't feel regret for their past mistakes. You're rough around the edges for sure, and I don't think I've heard as many F-words in my entire life." She shrugged, "But you're not a miserable man... not anymore."

Negan looked around the house again to all the parts he could see and then refocused on the two of them.

"You can't possibly think the world is dead," George added.

"You say the walkers, the dead ones, don't come up this far," Negan reminded him. "You don't see what I see every day."

"But you have children," he reminded him with a smile. "That outweighs a hundred of the dead ones. How many children do you have?"

"Biological?" he asked, "Two... a third one..." Negan cracked a smile when thinking of Sarah and chuckled making the two of them look at one another and grin.

"See," Kismet pointed out, "Not miserable."

"The third one is like my kid. She kind of landed on our fuckin' doorstep one day and never left." Negan grinned. "I just hope she made it home okay."

"Sarah?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"And your biological children. What are their names?"

"Lucy and JoJo."

Kismet smiled. "So is this Lucille you had been asking for when you were a little out of it still?"

Negan tired to recall that night but shook his head, noting he never called his daughter by that name. "No... no before all this happened I was married to a woman named Lucille. She died in the hospital of cancer."

"I'm sorry."

"Long time ago."

"Your wife now..."

"Alexandra," Negan went on, "I didn't think I'd be able to love someone again after Lucille died. I started surviving off the fear of other people... killing people if I had to if they crossed me first. The kid who shot me, Carl, their people killed about thirty of my men and in turn I killed two of theirs. It was in front of him... he couldn't have been older than fifteen or sixteen at the time. A lot happened over the course of a few years. Ended with him trying to kill me twice. Honestly I don't know how the fuck I'm still alive."

"Because it wasn't your time," George answered simply. He smiled halfway and shrugged.

"So Alexandra... she was your savior from that life then," Kismet suspected.

 _Savior_. Negan relived his days at The Sanctuary like a movie skipping around fast in no particular order. The last image that was left in his mind was Alexandra tending to his leg that first day. He smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

Kismet put her hand over his and Negan looked down. "Come let us show you all of the life we have here." When he looked back up at her she smiled. "You can do it. Come out into our gardens. We have fresh fruits and vegetables. We have chickens."

"Two horses."

"Horses?" Negan asked, raising his eyebrows. "Here?"

George slung an arm over Kismet's shoulder and they wore matching grins. "Come on," she nodded toward where beams of light shined through the front windows, "Let us show you what the world still has to offer."


	152. Humble Pie

**Upload the wrong chapter before... should be fixed now! Thanks bnoell14 for the heads up! :)**

George and Kismet helped Negan outside into the area that made up their yard and what he saw amazed him. There was an endless, giant garden filled with fresh produce, a home-made stable for their livestock and life... life was all around them. A clothesline held t-shirts, shorts and pants of all kinds. The word was green and bright. It looked like someone would come skipping out of the woods with a basket of edible arrangements at any second. The whole setting appeared almost too good to be true.

"This has all been untouched since the beginning?" Negan asked, taking it all in.

"Yes," Kismet told him. "No one bothers us."

"Fuck me..." He shook his head, "You guys did this shit right."

"Like I've said, we had been living this type of lifestyle since before the outbreak. We heard things, investigated... lost loved ones." Kismet sighed, "But we have passed much of the storm tucked away from reality." She walked over to a plant and picked several strawberries and handed them to him.

Negan studied the pieces of fruit in his hand for a moment and then took a bite. "These aren't infused with fuckin' psilocybin are they?"

George and Kismet both laughed and she shook her head. "No."

"Not all 'hippies' are into LSD and mushrooms," George added, still chuckling.

"We just like to live freely," Kismet explained, "In nature."

Negan ate the rest of the handful of fruit. "Sure I didn't fuckin' die?" He looked around, "Or land in Willy Wonka's fuckin' fruit factory or some shit."

"Your wit cannot be matched," she told him with another laugh. "When we return you back home we'll send you with plenty of food. We've never been short on food up here."

"This really is fuckin' unbelievable," Negan told them.

"Don't lose hope," George told him, "There is plenty of life to be lived still... even in darkness."

"You two are walking fuckin' fortune cookies." He huffed a laugh, "But shit... thank you for taking me in."

"You're welcome," they said at the same time.

He put some more pressure on the walker, "And thanks for this shit too." Negan looked at George, "How long did it take you to make this."

"That... and the crutches..." he shrugged, "A few days. I'm making a cane for you too."

"Unbelievable." Negan looked down and then crossed the yard to where Kismet stood by the strawberries.

"See what a little sunshine can do." She grinned, "You're walking around just fine."

He looked at her with a nod. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She offered him some more fruit and Negan couldn't deny his hunger as he reached for a few more strawberries.

"I need to get back to my family," Negan told her.

Kismet nodded and reached for his shirt, pulling it up so she could examine the stitches. "You'e making lots of progress," she told him, running her hand across the wound, "But we still need to make sure we can get you all that way. I'd like to see if we can get you walking a little better first."

"I'll chance it."

"Negan." She set his shirt back down and looked at him in the eye. "I know you want to and you will. We'll get you back... but if it meant waiting another week or two and almost guaranteeing getting you to safety wouldn't you say its worth it? If we ever broke down or something happened you'd be in bad shape down there."

"I can hold my own," Negan said.

"You-"

"Kismet..." He firmed up his voice but remained respectful, "You both have made a hell of a fuckin' life up here... where ever we are." Negan sighed, "But I made a life for myself in the middle of that hell on earth down there. We make it work. I've had to fight, and I've experienced a lot of fuckin' pain but I know how to survive. It's what I fuckin' do."

She stared at him more directly and nodded, noting that he was right.

"It's been years," Negan went on. "I've told you about my past... some of it. We live in a closed-gate community with a small farm. It's nothing like all this shit, but it works. We make it fucking work." He stared directly into her eyes. "I need to see my kids, and I know how to survive if things go to shit. You saved me when I was at my fuckin' weakest and I'm grateful. If my wife and kids were with me I'd love to fuckin' stay up here in this paradise the two of you created... but I need to go. I know what Alexandra is feeling. She's being strong for our family but she's fuckin' dying inside. I know that because that's how I'm feeling but I know that she's alive down there. I-"

"Okay," Kismet put a hand up and then smiled, "Okay you've convinced me." She sighed and nodded. "We'll take you."

Negan turned his mouth up in a closed-mouth smile at first and then he looked down with a chuckle. "You fuckin' serious?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I still think it's best to stay for a bit but... you're right. You have experience with that world that George and I don't. Your wife deserves her solitude too."

"So you'll take me."

Kismet stared up toward the heavens as the sun began to slump below the tops of the trees. "I'll meet you halfway... well more like ninety percent your way."

"Alright..." He cocked his head to the side.

"I'd like to travel during the daylight hours. The day is fading. I'll have George help me pack up some things tonight and we'll leave in the morning... if we can get ourselves ready in that time."

Negan held his hand out, "Sounds fuckin' fair to me."

Kismet looked down and shook his hand with a smile. "Worse case scenario we'll leave in two days."

He scrunched his nose but nodded. "Okay."

"Okay." She nodded back.

"Thank you," Negan said again. "I'm... humbled by all of this shit... really."

Kismet put her hand on the side of his face. "Always let love win." She smiled. "Don't forget that."

"I won't."

"Come on... if you can make it back inside on your own two feet I'll make you a pie and run you a bath." She looked to George, who still stood by the open doorway. "Think you can finish his cane by tonight?"

George nodded once and then slipped back inside with a smile.

Kismet waved Negan with her. "Come on."

He shrugged, unable to deny their hospitality and decided indulge a bit before they made the long trip back to the Manor.


	153. The Road Home

"Here." Kismet handed Negan a long piece of cloth that was folded in half as they loaded up a small, VW bug.

"What the fuck is this?" he eyed it as she handed it to him and gave her a look.

"It's a blindfold."

"If you plan on getting a little fuckin' kinky with me just remember... I'm married."

Kismet chuckled, seeing the grin form on his face and she shook her head. "I'd be willing to bet that your wife fell in love with you for your humor."

"Oh you think I was fuckin' joking?"

She laughed again. "I trust you... to an extent, but there is not a soul who knows where we are and I plan to keep it that way."

"Gotcha." Negan humored her, not caring what parameters she would have asked of him if it meant getting home. "You think I'm going to come back here and steal all your LSD-induced vegetables."

Kismet tightened the blindfold around his eyes and let out another snicker. "You know, I do hate the stereotype that people like us are into hallucinogen drugs." She sat him down in the passenger seat of the car. "I'm glad you're not taking this personally."

"I just want to get the fuck home."

"And for that I won't tie your hands."

"Jesus lady even in all this you're about to give me a hard-on."

Kismet put a hand over her eyes and then let out a louder laugh. "You're going to make me blush. I do believe if anyone else said something like that I'd break my rule of peace and whap them across the face."

"Give it your best shot," Negan told her, "I'm fuckin' blindfolded. Can't miss."

"No, no..." She laughed lightly again, "There's something about you Mr. Negan that is quite charming... and I can tell how much you love the woman you're going home to. I'm happy that George and I can be the ones to get you there."

"How far is it?"

"I'm not too sure how far your home is from where we found you. When we reach that location I'll remove the blindfold and you can lead us the rest of the way."

"Sounds good doll." Negan leaned his head back against the headrest. He heard Kismet snicker again from the term of endearment that had a tendency to roll of his tongue and then door closed. Only a few seconds passed before two car doors open and voices of Kismet and George conversed before he felt them enter the car with him.

"We should be fine," George told him, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

"How fuckin' ridiculous do I look with this shit on?" he asked.

George laughed. "It's suits you."

"Yeah..." Negan took a deep breath. He felt slightly uncomfortable when the car started and they headed out against the bumpy, uneven landscape that felt even worse with his best sense stripped from him. "Thank you both for taking care of me. I know I'm a pain in the fuckin' ass and I'm probably the opposite of what you stand for but... thanks."

"You're welcome," the two of them said at the same time. "And you're not the opposite of what we stand for," Kismet added.

"How's that?" Negan asked.

"I think we share a common necessity in our lives," she told him and placed a hand on George's shoulder as he drove. "Love."

Negan nodded to himself and used the darkness to imagine his children's faces and how Alexandra might react when they saw each other.

 _Soon_ , he thought.

...

Alexandra couldn't keep her mind on anything medically related. Nancy picked up on her body language and knew she was having one 'those days'.

"Go home and be with the children dear," her elder coworker said. She ran a hand soothingly up and down her arm.

"I'm not going to leave you here by yourself," she said quietly.

"No one's here." Nancy shrugged. "We're just straightening up cabinets."

"The boys are playing football out there," Alexandra went on. She cleared her throat and felt a collection of tears just waiting to emerge from behind a face that fought to stay strong. "One or two of them is bound to come in here."

"Alexandra."

"Yeah." Her voice shook a bit and she looked out toward the window away from Nancy as a stray tear streaked the length of her face.

Nancy pulled her gently toward her and Alexandra accepted a hug. She let a few tears fall but didn't totally lose control. "You need to be with your little loves when you have moments like this. They're the only things capable of easing the pain."

Alexandra took a deep breath when she pulled back and dried her eyes. "Maybe you're right." She sighed, "Sarah probably needs a break." Her voice was tired and beat down. "It's not like I'm paying her."

Nancy gave a laugh."Would you mind if I came over to give you some company?" she asked, "I was planning on making an apple pie tonight for dessert."

She nodded. "That would be nice, Nancy. Thank you." Alexandra let out a sigh, "I could use the company. The house feels so dark..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head.

The door to the medical building flung open, sending the door slamming into the wall. Both Alexandra and Nancy jumped and Matt stood huffing and puffing in the doorway.

"What happened?" Alexandra asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Come with me."

"Lucy or Joseph?" Panic rose in her voice.

"No," Matt shook his head, "No..."

"What?" the two women asked.

Matt grabbed Alexandra's hand and began to run, towing her out of the building with Nancy hurrying after them.

"Matthew!" Nancy used his full name in a very motherly fashion.

The smile on his face, and then the almost mad laugh. "Just come with me!" Matt laughed again and continued to run with her hand in his.

Alexandra looked back at Nancy who appeared as dumbfounded as she did. With a shrug, Nancy gave a confused wave and Alexandra ran with Matt toward the main gates of the Manor.


	154. Reunion

Alexandra didn't know where Matt was taking her. He was typically so reserved and borderline shy that she was in a state of mild shock from his actions.

"Matt," she shouted as they ran, "What is going on? Please just tell me."

He stopped when the main gate was within an eye shot and pointed.

Alexandra's eyes trailed the invisible line that he'd created with his finger. "Oh my God." For a second she thought she might pass out and it felt like her feet were stuck in cement. Alexandra couldn't move an ounce of her body and she felt as if she would laugh, cry and throw up at the same time if someone didn't shake her.

Negan welcomed a hard handshake-hug combination from Jack who stood a step outside of the small, VW bug that had apparently brought Negan back home. When he turned his head and they locked eyes Alexandra knew she wasn't dreaming. She put a hand over her mouth and began to laugh as tears streamed down her face. All she could see was his face; his eyes. She couldn't have told someone later what he was wearing or what the people looked like who were with him. She focused on his face to assure herself that what she was seeing was real.

Alexandra didn't know when her legs started moving but she began to run toward him. _If this is a dream it might be the death of me_ , she thought.

"Negan." His name out of her mouth quietly at first and then she yelled out a little more urgently, "Negan!"

Negan smiled, feeling the same rush in his stomach as the first time he'd realized that he was in love with her. When she jumped up into his arms he ignored the pain in his back and braced himself against the side of the car so he could wrap his arms around her.

Alexandra held him tight, clutching the back of his head and crying into his neck as she continued to laugh at the same time. When she pulled back with wet eyelashes and a big smile she traced his face with her hand to make sure it was all real. "You're here." She swallowed hard and laughed as his arms tightened around her.

"I'm here." Negan reached a hand up and dried her tears with his thumb.

She looked down for a moment and put her hand over her mouth, unable to keep herself from sobbing. "How?" Alexandra took in a deep breath, "I thought..." She shook her head and looked back up at him, seeing his eyes begin to glaze over with tears.

"Don't make me fuckin' start crying in front of all these people," Negan told her with a laugh, feeling tears leave each of his eyes. "Fuck." He looked away for a moment, but Alexandra brought his attention back on her and she kissed him hard, not caring who was watching.

Negan kissed her back, getting just as lost in the moment and reaching both of his hands up to grab her face while her hands desperately clung to him as if she never wanted to let him go.

Alexandra kept her eyes closed for a moment, feeling her lashes sticking together and she kept her lips brushed against his. "I'm afraid I'm going to open my eyes and you're not going to be here."

"Then you'd be kissing some other fuckin' guy," he joked, keeping one hand on her face while the other brushed her hair back.

She finally opened her eyes and sniffed in, smiling again as she stared at him. "Are you okay?"

"I am now doll."

Alexandra never let go but finally let her eyes focus on the two people who stood by the hood of the car, each with matching smiles.

"You must be Alexandra," Kismet suspected, raising her eyebrows and continuing to grin.

She looked to Negan, who nodded and then looked back to them. "Yes." She dried her eyes.

"That's Kismet," Negan pointed, "And George. They're uh, these cool fuckin' hippies who saved me."

The two of them looked at one another and chuckled.

Alexandra parted from Negan momentarily to give them both enthusiastic hugs. "Thank you." Her emotions were so high that she was having trouble focusing on everything that was going on. It was like someone had hit her with a shot of adrenaline that was clouding her mind.

"You're welcome," Kismet said first, followed by her husband. "It's what we do. We help people."

Alexandra stepped back and reached for Negan's hand but he hesitated. "What's wrong?" she asked him.

Negan's eyes shifted to the walker George had made for him that Alexandra hadn't noticed before. "I, uh, I'm still kind of fuckin' recovering honey."

"Okay." She nodded and walked back to him, still eying him in disbelief as she put a hand to his face. "What do you need? I'll get it for you. Are you okay?" The sentences came out of her mouth so rapidly that she didn't know which one he would answer first, or even what order she spouted them off in.

Negan reached for the walker and made his way away from the car as he struggled to walk properly without the full function of his left leg.

Alexandra looked at him with sympathetic eyes and then began to cry again. "Negan..."

"I'm alright," he assured her, stopping what he was doing to bring her to him. Negan guided her slowly against him, putting his arm around her shoulders. "Honey, I'm alright."

"You're never leaving these walls again," she cried against him.

"Okay." He gave a chuckle but hugged her hard with one arm.

"I mean it." Alexandra sniffed in and looked up. "I'm making that decision... as your wife. I don't care if-"

"Okay," Negan said again, pulling her forehead to his lips.

She took in a deep breath, overwhelmed in the moment and then finally looked him up and down. Again, the world around them had long since disappeared and she forgot there was anyone standing by.

Negan could see she was wondering the nature of his injuries and so he filled her in. "I was shot and the bullet we think hit a nerve in my back." He lifted his eyes to Kismet a moment who's eyes were almost as teary as Alexandra's as she witnessed their reunion. When he looked back to Alexandra she was staring up at him waiting for him to continue. "It fucked up my left leg and I've gotten some feeling back in it but I may end up..." he shrugged, "With a fuckin' limp or some shit."

"We'll help you," she told him.

Negan smiled and traced her face with his fingers. "I know baby."

Alexandra put her hand over his and closed her eyes when he kissed her. "I'm going to take care of you for the rest of my life Negan."

Negan kissed her again. "I love you," he said quietly.

"I love you too." She opened her eyes and looked down toward his leg again. "Can you walk?"

He nodded. "Working on it."

"Lucy's been asking for you." Alexandra smiled and when she began to cry again she put her hands over her face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She shook her head.

"Stop." He hugged her against him again.

"I'll go get them," Matt offered. He smiled, still standing off to the side. "If you want."

Alexandra nodded without looking away and leaned against Negan again as he hugged her back against him. "Yes, Matt. Thank you."

Negan dug his fingers into her back. "Are they okay?"

"Yeah." She nodded again against his chest.

"Sarah?"

"She's babysitting." Alexandra managed an emotional laugh.

He let out a sigh, "Fuck... thank God."

"She was a wreck after that night." She looked up at him another time. "She ran all the way back bumped and bruised trying to save you. She's going to... I don't know."

"I'm not leaving anymore," Negan told her.

"You're damn right," Alexandra told him seriously, making him chuckle. She sighed and just stood there with her eyes closed and held him, speaking the only words that were coming to her mind. "I love you... God, I love you."


	155. House Cat

**Hey guys just responding to comments... I know my chapters are usually in the 1000's for words and I get that is on the shorter side... thing is, I'm a teacher, I'm taking Masters classes, I coach and I'm a newlywed with a puppy lol... so I basically write whenever I get time to, which is quite often but I only have small chunks of time... honest question, would you guys rather see longer chapters but just longer periods of time in between postings or shorter but more frequent chapters like I've been doing? Those are the only 2 options I really have and I've been going with shorter chapters but more frequent postings but if you guys think the story would be better with longer chapters just less frequent postings I will adapt! :) Thanks!**

* * *

Negan lifted Lucy into his arms who replied simply with, "You're back!"

He hugged her with a laugh and kissed her cheeks. "I'm back." Negan held her tightly and smiled when she grinned back at him.

"Did you get the goat milk?" Lucy asked him.

Alexandra managed a laugh when Negan pressed his eyebrows together in confusion. "Remember?" she asked, "That's where you've been..."

"Yeah." Negan looked at Alexandra a moment and then his brain caught up and he pointed toward Kismet and George. "These nice people have it."

"This is your daughter..." Kismet gushed as she approached them with George by her side. She waved to Lucy, who gave a reserved wave back.

"And son." He nodded to Joseph who sat in Alexandra's arms.

"They are... unbelievable." She smiled and gently clutched Joseph's tiny foot. "Hello."

"Joseph," Negan told her, "And Lucy."

Kismet continued to take them in, caressing Joseph's head now.

"Daddy can you stay here now?" Lucy asked. She subconsciously toyed his his head making him chuckle again.

"If you draw me another picture I'll stay," he teased.

"Okay," she agreed. "I can draw the farm."

"Yeah honey." Negan kissed her on the cheek again. "Draw me the animals."

"When we get home right?"

He nodded again and she laid her head flat down on his shoulder.

"Where's the other one?" Negan asked.

"Sarah..." Alexandra knew who he was talking about.

Matt intervened. "She, uh... she's having a moment... probably throw something at me if I told anyone." He laughed lightly. "She all but collapsed on the floor."

Alexandra's mouth dropped and felt empathetic for her. "I should go see her."

"She'll be alright," Negan assured her.

"No." She shook her head, but he put up a hand.

"That kid's a lot like me," he said with a chuckle, "It's almost like she's my biological kid. She needs her space with shit like this."

Lucy's hand clamped down over Negan's mouth and he raised his eyebrows. "That's a bad word."

He laughed against her palm and then started to tickle her, making Alexandra, Kismet, George and the rest of them laugh with them.

"I still think I should-" Alexandra began but Negan cut her off again.

"Trust me on this one," he told her, "When she's up for it she'll come around." Negan reached over toward Joseph and ran a hand over his thin, baby hair. "Man of the house."

"He has been." She sighed and then finally turned to Kismet and George again to give them her full attention. "I'm so sorry for being so rude. You've come all this way..."

"You're not being rude," George assured her with a big smile.

"No." Kismet mimicked his grin and still appeared smitten by the children. "I would be feeling the same way you are if I was in your shoes."

"Where... do you have a community?" Alexandra switched her gaze between the two of them and Negan.

"No," Kismet shook her head. "No it's just been the two of us since the beginning."

"What?" she shook her head in disbelief. "How?"

"They have this psychedelic pad in the sky," Negan teased. He gave Kismet a wink, who shook her head with a grin.

Alexandra couldn't keep a grin from her face as Negan slipped his hand in hers. "I'm lost," she admitted.

"We live up on a mountain," George went on, "A place we've managed to keep secret. The dead ones can't travel up that way."

"Well... I mean... you could stay here." She looked over her shoulder at Matt, who began to nod.

"No," the couple declined politely. "We prefer our seclusion," George added, "Though it's nice to mingle with other company from time to time."

"Let us at least show you around," Matt offered.

Kismet looked over at George, who appeared as if he was waiting for her to make the call. When she nodded, he nodded back and then she responded to Matt. "Okay."

"Great." Alexandra took in a deep breath through her nose and leaned up against Negan again.

"I want to meet this Sarah," she added, "He couldn't stop talking about all of you and she seems like a brave, young soul."

"She is," Negan told them with a grin.

"This community is well put together," George added. He took in the nature of the homes, the solar panels, the center of town where there were picnic tables and a pair of grills.

"Very nice," Kismet added. "Unbelievable really... for our times now."

"We've built a lot," Matt explained as they began to walk.

Alexandra stayed at Negan's side as he placed a reluctantly Lucy back down on her feet in order to use the walker. "Can you make it to the house?"

"Aren't we taking the grand fu..." He caught himself before saying the word aloud in front of Lucy, who was eyeing his every move from her low-ground position. Her big, brown eyes starting up at him made him alter his phrase, "The grand tour."

"You need to rest." She rubbed his back and looked him in the eye when he finally stared back at her.

"Help me settle in on the front porch," he asked.

Alexandra nodded. "I can drive you."

Negan shook his head. "I can see the house from here." He nodded in that direction. "I walked around on a broken leg before, I can do this shit."

Lucy tugged on pant leg and he apologized with another laugh.

"I'll evaluate you." Alexandra called Lucy to her, who quickly scampered over and latched onto her free hand while Joseph still rattled off unrecognizable words as she bobbed him up and down in her other arm.

Negan started his walk. "George made this thing for me." He motioned to the walker.

"What? Really?"

He nodded and grunted as he went. "Yup."

"How much of your leg can you feel?"

"Most of the foot," Negan replied, "Some up the leg but there are parts all the way down that I can't feel either."

"I can work on rehabbing it with you," Alexandra told him, "Physical therapy... every day if you want."

"Thanks doll." He cleared his throat and turned to look at her a moment.

"Need a rest?"

Negan looked her up and down and then glanced at their children. "I want a picture of you three. We have that Polaroid camera here somewhere, right?"

"You have the real thing here," Alexandra told him with a smile.

"I want a picture," he insisted, "In case we ever get separate again."

"We won't." She looked him in the eye. "You're a house cat now."

Negan gave a loud chuckle and cocked back a bit as he laughed. "House cat... I like that."

Lucy began to laugh and pointed at him. "You're a cat." She then pointed to his leg for the first time. "Why's your leg broken?"

"Kicked by the goat," Negan joked. He winked at Alexandra and then took a deep breath and decided to continue on. "This sucks."

"We'll get you stronger."

"I don't want George and Kismet to leave."

"They won't," Alexandra assured him.

He took a deep breath. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay." She gave a nod and a smile, still feeling a bit like crying but she didn't.

"How have you been without me here?"

Alexandra sighed and then answered him honestly. "Tough."

"What about..." He motioned down toward Lucy with his eyes.

She smiled, "Thought you were out chasing goats for their milk." Alexandra let out a laugh, "But really just missed you... a lot. There were mornings she was pouty and wouldn't eat her breakfast."

"Fighter... just like her parents."

Alexandra laughed again with a nod. "She's going to have to be."

Negan stopped again and ran his fingers down her jaw line before the two of the shared another kiss.

"Don't break your promise," she said quietly against his lips.

"I won't." He kissed her softly again.

"I mean it Negan."

"I know honey." He took a deep breath through his nose and hugged her.

Alexandra continued to rub his back as they stood there a moment and then he finally straightened up.

"Okay," Negan took in a deep breath, "I have to make this damn walk to our house. Then we have to track down George and Kismet... and Sarah. Whoever we bump into first."

She nodded. "Do they really live up on a mountain?"

"Shit if I know," he answered, "They blindfolded me on the ride down. Ride up I don't remember anything. I remember some sights and sounds... the smell of the wood that the walls were made out of... or maybe it was bamboo. I don't really know. The place was incredible though."

"You have to tell me whole story," Alexandra told him. "When have a few minutes to talk."

Negan tipped his mouth up in a grin. "Some night by a... warm fire."

She smiled back, "You're on."

He gave her another kiss before motioning with his hand. "No more distractions. Lead me home woman."

Alexandra laughed. "I'm going to make you work."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."


	156. Spaghetti

Negan struggled on the walk to their home and as hard as it was for Alexandra to watch she knew he was too stubborn to accept any form of help.

As they closed in on the porch the front door swung open and Sarah stood in the doorway.

Negan took a series of breaths from the struggle of the walk and then met her stare as she remained frozen where she stood.

Alexandra let a small smile form on her face and waited with anticipation for what would happen next.

"Well if it isn't the toughest little shit I've ever known." Negan gave a laugh as he purposely attempted to lighten the mood upon seeing her heavy, tear-infused eyes and streaked face.

Her mouth struggled to form a consistent expression, alternating between a pout and smile as she stared at him.

"Do I look that fuckin' bad?" He went on with a grin, promoting Lucy to scold him again for his word choice. Negan stared down at her a moment. "Sorry baby." He hoisted her back up into his arms and then stared at Sarah again. "Come here kid."

Sarah looked down at flicked away a tear with her finger before smiling and looking up at him. "You're one tough mother fucker you know that?" She asked, crying and laughing at once.

"Yep." He nodded with a grin. "As is my co-pilot."

"I see you got the walker to match your gray hair," Sarah went on. She laughed to herself again but let the tears stream down her face and hurried toward him.

Negan opened up his free arm and accepted a hug as Sarah latched onto him.

"Why are you sad?" Lucy asked, leaning down partway to touch the top of Sarah's head.

"I'm not," she claimed, keeping half of her face buried into his chest, "I'm happy."

"You're crying."

Alexandra smiled and leaned in to kiss Lucy on the cheek. "Sometimes people cry when they're happy." She knew her daughter was far too young to understand.

"Thank you Sarah," Negan said sincerely. "I wouldn't take anyone else into battle with me."

"I don't want to battle anymore," she told him.

He let out an exhausted sigh. "Me either."

"How are you alive?" Sarah asked finally, pulling back. "Where did you go? We scanned the woods for days looking for you."

"There are two people here," Negan told her, "George and Kismet. They found me... took me in."

"They have a group around here?"

"No... just the two of them."

"How?"

Negan sighed with a grin. "We're all going to have to have a long talk over dinner or some shit."

"Daddy!" Lucy's hand came crashing down against his face, leaving Negan with his mouth hanging open in disbelief.

"Lucy!" Alexandra laughed lightly but shook her head. "Don't do that."

"She's really taking this no cursing thing seriously," Negan said with a chuckle. He raised an eyebrow and looked at Alexandra. "Sure she's mine?" When Alexandra gave him a look he laughed and pulled her to him. "I'm kidding honey."

"We missed you," she told him.

"I can see that." He said sarcastically and looked at Lucy who put her hands more gently on his face.

"I missed you Daddy."

Negan smirked and kissed her forehead. "I missed you too." He turned to Alexandra and then shifted his eyes to Sarah. "My girls are strong."

Sarah smiled and Alexandra ran her hand over his hair prompting Lucy to mimic her. Negan chuckled and then turned when he heard people approaching.

"This is an amazing community you all have here." Kismet walked in between Matt and George as they closed in on Negan and Alexandra's house.

"The invitation remains open to join us here," Matt explained. "Something to think about."

"Thank you." George nodded and then they stood face to face with Negan's family.

"This is your home," Kismet suspected. Her eyes rose to the white paneled, blue-shuttered house behind where they stood.

"Yup," Negan said simply with a nod. He looked to Alexandra. "Least we can fuckin' do is make you dinner." He looked at Lucy after cursing but she was too preoccupied studying the newcomers to scold him again.

"Yes," Alexandra said with a nod. "Please, come inside."

George and Kismet exchanged a glance and Negan urged them on.

"If you say no you'll insult my wife," Negan joked.

"Okay." Kismet smiled.

"Great." Alexandra grinned and then recognized that they hadn't introduced Sarah. "Kismet, George... this is Sarah."

"Hi," Sarah said with shyness that almost made Negan chuckle.

"We've heard a lot about you," George informed her with a smile.

"All good things." Kismet winked making Sarah smile.

"I don't think there's anything bad to tell," Sarah said with a shrug. She looked back to Negan who finally laughed.

"Yeah you're a damn saint."

"Are you both okay with spaghetti for dinner? It's home made," Alexandra told them.

"Of course," Kismet said and George nodded with a smile.

Negan eyed the set of stairs that awaited him and he nodded to Sarah. "Want to grab the little one for me?"

Sarah smiled again and held her arms out. "Come here Lucy."

Lucy looked at Negan for a moment, not wanting to leave him.

"I'll pick you back up when I get up the stairs," he promised.

Lucy slunk from Negan's arms to Sarah's and when everyone looked at him for a moment he motioned for them to go first.

"I'm not a fuckin' sideshow," Negan said aloud.

Alexandra looked to Kismet and George, unsure of how much they knew of her husband.

Kismet gave a laugh. "We had some colorful conversations."

"Especially when he was on the medication," George added.

"Keep fuckin' laughing." Negan looked around when nobody moved. "I wasn't kidding go inside and stop watching me like I'm going to fuckin' break in half."

Alexandra ran a hand up and down his back. "You got it?"

"I got it."

She waved their new acquaintances up onto the front porch and then looked back when the front door opened. Sarah remained with Lucy, who adamantly waited for her father and wouldn't let him unfulfill his promise to pick her back up once he got up the stairs.

"Ready," Negan told her. "It's like hopscotch honey." He counted to three and then took the three stairs in his good foot before bracing himself on one of the wooden pillars that held the porch up.

Lucy laughed and reached for him. "What's hopscotch?"

Negan scooped her up and held her high above his head, making her laugh some more before peppering her cheeks with kisses. "I'll teach some day."

"Okay." She laid her head down flat on her shoulder.

Sarah hopped down the stairs to get his walker and then hurried back up. She stood next to him for a moment and he finally cracked a grin and messed up he hair with his free hand.

She laughed and ducked away before shaking her head. "I knew you were alive." Sarah smiled and nodded matter-of-factly before heading in through the doorway where Alexandra still hovered with a sleeping Joseph in her arms.

Negan stared at her a moment and then flashed a wink. "You okay?"

Alexandra swallowed hard and gave a sincere smile. She sighed, recognizing at that moment how her feelings for him had never died down from when they first met. Their relationship had evolved but she loved him exactly the same. "Yeah."

He smiled back and glanced down at Lucy before hobbling over toward her to leave a kiss on her lips. "I love you."

Alexandra put a hand on his face and left her forehead against with a decompressing breath that touched his lips. "I love you too."

Negan smiled and ran a hand through her hair. "Now... let's go play house."

* * *

Lucy attempted to twirl the spaghetti in Negan's plate as she sat on his lap at the dinner table. When the noodles kept sliding off the fork he chuckled and finally helped her keep it on when he sensed her frustration.

"Open up." He said, prompting Lucy to take a big bite.

Alexandra relived her moment in the kitchen when Lucy refused to eat her breakfast; the bittersweet moment that she pictured Negan horsing around with their children but she felt would never really come. The fact that he was sitting next to her at the table now doing exactly what she had fantasized about made her smile as she silently admired their moment together.

"Your home is wonderful." Kismet broke Alexandra's thoughts. "We've been... up away from society for so long that we didn't realize how much has been rebuilt."

"Stay," Alexandra urged. "There are empty homes here that we all help to keep up with."

"No, we couldn't." George shook his head. "We belong up there."

Kismet turned to him and gave a closed-mouth smile. She looked in through an open doorway that led into the living room where Joseph slept. "The births of your children... they both went alright."

"Yes." Alexandra smiled and she couldn't help but notice the look on her face. It was a look many women had when speaking of children, or the possibility of having them. "We have a good medical staff here. There are possibilities." He made eye contact with Kismet and smiled, "I mean there are risks of course but... possibilities." There was no other word that came to mind.

She nodded and smiled before refocusing on the food. "This is great Alexandra."

"Thank you."

"This was all made from scratch?"

"Yeah." Alexandra smiled, "It's really not overly hard."

Sarah took a brief break in the conversation to contribute to the conversation for the first time. "Thank you for saving him."

"It's the human thing to do," Kismet explained.

"I'm sure you all would have done the same for us, "George told her.

"Yeah." Sarah looked down at her plate that she'd barely touched and then felt Negan's eyes on her.

"Eat champ," he nodded toward her plate.

"Appetite's not there tonight." She smiled. "You got me all out of whack."

Kismet smiled and chuckled. "You all love each other very much." She sighed and nodded. "Maybe this is the soul searching that we've needed... that I've needed."

"What do you mean?" Alexandra asked.

"I thought there was nothing left down here... nothing but violence and the geeks and scraps left over from those who had passed on." Kismet shook her head and glanced around the table. "But you've all proved me wrong... very wrong." She sighed and looked across the way at Negan. "Maybe all of this was supposed to happen so you could open my eyes."

"You've opened mine," Negan admitted. He turned to Alexandra and reached down to squeeze her hand.

"Love still exists," Kismet recognized with a nod. She looked at George. "There may be more to this world than we thought."

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"Maybe... maybe we've been missing out on the little things. I mean we've been so afraid of the bad things that we may have missed out on the good." She looked around at their family.

"Soul searching." Negan gave her a wink as he recognized she was having some type of epiphany.

Kismet smiled at him and then looked at George. When she turned back to look across the table Alexandra looked at the two of them.

In an encouraging tone she smiled. "Stay."


	157. Stay

**Happy TWD Day! We made it... 7B should take us right into spring :)**

"We'll stay the night," Kismet confirmed, looking toward George. Her typically confident demeanor was temporarily betraying her as thousands of questions appeared to be swirling in her head.

George put a hand on her back and agreed with her decision with a nod. "The mountain isn't going anywhere."

Alexandra smiled and rose to her feet to gather up the plates. "We can make you up a room."

"Oh we wouldn't impose," George told them, "Matt said he and his wife... Annie is it?" Alexandra nodded and he went on, "They were making up the quaint house at the end by the farm for us temporarily if we wanted to."

"I wasn't planning on it at first," Kismet admitted. She eyed the plates in Alexandra's hands and then jumped up to help her.

"Sit," Alexandra waved her down but Kismet shook her head. "You're our guest."

"Don't be silly." She continued to gather up the dishes.

"Sit," Sarah echoed with a smile. She headed over toward the sink with Alexandra.

"I'll dry them at least," Kismet persisted.

Lucy swiped her finger across the plate to get a last taste of the sauce and then looked up at Negan. "Can you come play with me?" She pointed toward the living room.

"I'll be in in a minute," he told her, messing up her hair as she hopped off his lap. "Don't wake up JoJo."

George looked around the room, seemingly taking it all in again. "It's been so long."

"Think of it as a vacation," Negan said. "Then decide if you want to stay."

"We kind of envisioned a world of savages," he explained, "We've seen some brutal things... but this is outstanding what's been built here. Maybe one day you won't need the walls anymore."

"Maybe." Negan took a sip from a glass of water with a lemon slice in it.

A knock at the door prompted Lucy to hightail it across the living room. "I'll get it." Her tiny feet pounded on the hardwood floor and a moment later the door swung open. "Hello." Her tiny, carefree voice made Negan chuckle. He recognized Annie's voice right away and then their daughter invited her inside.

"Am I interrupting dinner?" Annie asked, peeking into the kitchen.

"Nope," Negan waved her in, "You're just in time to help do the dishes."

She laughed and Alexandra gave Annie a look before shaking her head with a smile. "He doesn't miss a beat."

Annie laughed. "It's nice to have him back." She smiled at Alexandra and then Negan. "I was just checking in to tell George and Kismet that their beds are made up and the house is clean." Annie held out a key. "For you if you'd like."

"Thank you," George and Kismet said at the same time.

"Go," Alexandra urged, drying her hands and turning away from the sink to face everyone. "Get settled. You've done so much for Negan... for all of us."

"I guess... we could." Kismet was hesitant and conflicted but eager to give the community a chance.

"Whatever you want," George told her. His calm demeanor and cool smile seemed to ease her mind a bit and she decided with a nod.

"Thank you Annie," she said, "For all of this." Kismet turned to Alexandra, "And thank you both so much for giving us this lovely meal."

Alexandra smiled and gave her a long hug. "Thank you both for bringing him home."

Negan went to get up but George went to him first, extending a hand. "We'll be seeing you tomorrow I guess." He smiled and Negan returned the handshake.

"Yep. Thank you."

Kismet hurried across the room and leaned down to hug Negan. "Don't drive this lady too crazy."

He chuckled. "Too fuckin' late."

She laughed lightly and pulled back, putting her hand on his face for a moment and then joined George with Annie.

"Ready?" Her husband asked with a smile.

Kismet nodded. She looked at the members of Negan's family again and then turned with a wave as the two of them followed Annie toward the front door where Lucy hurried past them to open the door.

"Thank you," Kismet said with a laugh as she swung it open to allow them out.

"Welcome," she replied simply with a wave.

Alexandra smiled and saw them out before scooping her daughter off the ground and hugging her to her body for a moment.

Lucy hugged her back and then began to squirm. "Can I get down?"

She kissed her cheek and put her back on her feet before rejoining Negan in the kitchen. For a moment she just stared at him and then finally shook her head when he cracked a grin.

"I can't believe this," Alexandra told him, unable to hide a smile.

"Believe it." Negan nodded.

She sighed and walked over to where he sat and ran a hand through his hair before kissing him. "You have no idea-" she began but he interrupted her.

"Yes I do." Negan put a hand on her face. They shared another kiss and then he rose to his feet.

"I want to hear everything," Alexandra said.

"I promised Lucy a play date." He raised his eyebrows and then his nose crinkled as he smiled.

"Okay." She kissed him again and Negan pulled her against him in a hug.

"Want to put on a movie?" Sarah asked, running a small hand towel over one of the dishes. "Have a boring night?"

Alexandra cracked a smile and looked over her shoulder at the kids.

Negan smirked and cleared his throat as he saw Sarah waiting for his response. "Fuck yeah, kid."

Sarah laughed and looked down before setting the dish down. She wiped her hands on her jeans and shrugged. "I'll go pick one out."

"Come on!" Lucy called from the living room.

"Coming..." Negan looked at Alexandra, "I can't fuckin' say no to that."

She hugged him and he left a kiss on her forehead before she helped him into the living room. Negan watched as Lucy played with little dolls and action figures and then ran a hand through his hair. When he sighed Alexandra looked at him more directly.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly, slipping her hand through his.

He shook his head. "Nothing."

"Something..."

"No." Negan looked at her and let out a loud sigh. "She's just... growing up so normally. We have a fuckin' house and a DVD player and toys..."

"Yeah." Alexandra drew her fingers over the hair that covered the top of his ear.

He thought about his own 'soul searching' that Kismet had urged him to do while he was incapacitated. It was emphasized as he watched his own daughter growing up and playing and living a relatively normal life with her parents. Negan thought about the person that he couldn't get off his mind while he was up on the mountain - Maggie. He felt the wrath of his past actions, something he wasn't wholly aware of at the time.

"We're going to have a few things to talk about," Negan said to Alexandra.

"What things?" she studied his eyes as they never left hers.

"Comedy or horror?" Sarah appeared at the top of the small staircase.

"Comedy," the two of them said at the same time and then Alexandra looked back at Negan. "What things?" she repeated.

Negan watched as Sarah went to gather up some options and then to Lucy again as she called him to her. "When they go to sleep we'll talk."

"Is it... is it about us?"

He gave a half smile and then hugged her more fully. "Not at all honey."

"You're leaving me in suspense a little bit." Alexandra let out a sigh. "I've been in too much of that lately."

"I know. I'm sorry. " Negan told her. He ran a hand through her hair and left a kiss that lingered on her lips. "It's about... Maggie."

Alexandra nodded. "Okay."

"Daddy come on!" Lucy's voice grew slightly more impatient and Alexandra smiled.

"Go on." She ran a hand up and down his back.

"After the movie," Negan told her.

"Okay," she agreed with a nod.

He winked and joined their daughter on the floor to play with the toys she had scattered about. Alexandra walked over to Joseph and Sarah returned to the living room. She held a short stack of movies in her hands.

"Okay guys... let's choose."


	158. Compromise

When Alexandra came down the stairs back to the first floor Negan was replacing the screen for the fireplace as a few logs he threw in began to light up.

"Kids stay asleep?" he asked, turning to face her as he brushed his hands together to get the small bark crumbs from his hands.

She nodded. "Lucy didn't budge." Alexandra chuckled, "Hope you don't mind a third person in the bed. She's been my little cuddler most nights."

Negan smirked. "Guess I'm not getting lucky tonight, huh?" When she smiled at him he laughed lightly. "I'm just kidding."

"No you're not." She crossed the room and gave him a kiss.

"Okay I'm not." He laughed but he saw her face grow serious almost immediately.

"We need to talk about whatever it is you brought up earlier."

"I know." Negan nodded and then sat down on the ground to the right of the fire with his back against a small ledge of brick that made up the way beside it. He patted the ground beside him and Alexandra joined him.

"I know I sound like a broken record but you have no idea the things I was feeling when you were gone. This time I really didn't think I would ever see you again." When she sighed he put his arm around her and Alexandra cuddled up against him, intertwining their feet and draping an arm across his stomach. "I don't think my brain has processed this all yet."

He kissed her temple and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry honey."

"You didn't do anything wrong."

"I've put you through enough hell in the time we've been together." Negan shook his head.

"No you haven't. This world is just... crazy."

"I made decisions that may impact me the rest of my life." He looked down at her, "That may impact all of us."

"Every leader has done things," Alexandra reminded him, "It's not just you."

"Well... shit's not settled with the people over there." Negan spoke quietly, "I think we both know that."

"Before all this happened it had been years since anything happened."

"If time can't heal old wounds then we have to think of something else that might."

"Like what?" she asked. Her eyes didn't leave his and each second that went by felt like too long. "Like-"

"Like sitting down and talking with them."

Alexandra hesitated and gave him a disapproving look. "Negan." She shook her head, "Those people might kill you on the spot."

"If I don't try to do that they might some day anyway."

"No." She shook her head. "Not if you stay behind these walls."

"Forever?" Negan raised his eyebrows. "Honey I'll stay... for awhile. But like George said what if one day we don't need these walls anymore? If the undead really die... most of them anyway. Civilization has to rebuild some time and fuck I hope it's in our lifetime."

"And let's say it's not," Alexandra contested, "Then what reason do you have to leave the walls?"

"We live in a segregated area," he reminded her, "Forever in this small space." Negan shook his head, "Forever is a long fucking time doll. I'll go fuckin' nuts if I never leave the walls of the Manor."

"You told me you wouldn't."

"And I won't... for awhile."

Alexandra closed her eyes and rested her head on the front of his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Negan apologized. "I'm not trying to upset you honey."

"I can't possibly be upset today," she told him honestly. Alexandra looked back up to meet his gaze. "You're alive. You're back home."

He closed his eyes when she put a hand on his face and leaned his head against hers. "All I could think about when I was gone was how you were feeling."

"Well," Alexandra sighed, "This day makes it all okay."

Negan swallowed hard. "Will you hear me out about something?"

"Of course."

"What I was getting at before..." he cleared his throat. "I want to attempt to make amends with them."

"Face to face..."

"Yeah." Negan turned to face her more directly. "I took time to really fuckin' think while I was up there." He turned toward the staircase and then back to face Alexandra. "Our kids have us. In this fucked up world that's rare. Families don't always stay together."

Alexandra could see he was struggling to get everything out that he wanted to and she ran a hand over the top of his.

"Her kid," Negan went on. "Maggie's kid... I killed his father; her husband. Didn't fuckin' know him. From what I was told he was a good fuckin' guy." He shook his head. "Fuck, all I had on my mind was fuckin' revenge for all of our people they killed. I didn't give a shit who from their side paid for it as long as I showed them that what they fuckin' did wasn't going to fly - that killing our people wasn't going to fly."

Alexandra wanted to sit and justify her husband's actions but she understood his sense of empathy. It was something he had been unable to feel for so long. She, too, could put herself in Maggie's shoes and knew she was a saint for being so level-headed and understanding considering the circumstances and their painful, complicated pasts. The reality was that Maggie's son never met his father.

Negan studied her expression. "You know I'm right."

Alexandra was reluctant to agree with him but she knew that he could read her quite easily. She couldn't lie to him. "I understand why you feel the way you do."

"Do you remember that night?" He asked. "The night I killed Rick's men for the first time after I organized that whole plan to corner them?"

She nodded and felt his fingers tighten against hers. "Feels a little different now."

"Like you can't fuckin' imagine." Negan ran a hand through his hair. "I wouldn't want anyone else raising Lucy and Joe. I was fuckin' tormented enough thinking of you here alone with them when I was up with Kismet and George. I didn't give it a second fuckin' thought until... now."

"What if Maggie won't talk to you?"

"I can only put shit out on the table and see if they bite."

Alexandra sighed and nodded. "Okay."

"You're okay with me doing this?"

She nodded again. "Yes."

Negan studied her eyes. "But..."

"But I'm going to be the one to approach them for you."

"Forget it."

"They won't hurt me."

"You don't know-"

"I know," Alexandra assured him sternly. "I'll ask Maggie to come here." She shook her head. "You are not going there. I'm not going through hell again... not when I just got you back."

Negan didn't break eye contact and the displeasure showed on his face. "We'll go together."

"No." She didn't budge.

"You're not going alone."

"I'll take Jack with me... or Vince. Whoever you want. But you're not going."

"I guess there's no compromising."

"This is my compromise," Alexandra told him. The seriousness in her face finally made him crack a smile.

"We can resume this conversation another night."

Alexandra couldn't keep a grin from forming on her face as she stared at his boyish features that still lingered in the midst of the peeking gray hairs and crows feet around his eyes. She said the only thing she could as she looked at him. "I fucking love you Negan."

"There's that dirty mouth I fuckin' love."

"I have to keep it PG around the kids." She smiled.

"No kids here now." Negan motioned with his hand toward the empty living room but never broke his stare.

"Nope." She leaned in and gave him a kiss and then cuddled up against him again.

Negan wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you Alex."

"I'm glad you're home. The rest we can deal with together."


	159. DoctorSavior

When Negan awoke the next morning it took him a moment to process where he was. The whispy brush strokes on the ceiling immediately signaled that he was home. A smile formed on his face when he felt a tiny hand pressed against his face. Without moving he glanced to the side and saw Lucy sound asleep in between him and Alexandra. The way she laid looked completely uncomfortable and borderline unnatural but he couldn't help but chuckle at how dead to the world she was.

 _Must be comfortable_ , he thought to himself. Negan's eyes drifted past his daughter to Alexandra. Her arm was loosely hooked around Lucy and she laid on her side facing both of them. He could tell it was probably the most sleep she'd had in a long time. Another smile formed on his face when he saw the small puddle of drool by her mouth against the pillow.

Everything felt content for him in that moment. He felt warm, comfortable and knew he had nowhere to be. For the first time since the start of it all he had never felt so relaxed. None of it mattered right then - Rick's group, the walkers, the world itself; none of it. Downstairs he heard Sarah talking cheerfully and quickly recognized she was talking to Joseph.

Lucy stirred in her sleep and turned her body almost in a complete circle and turned toward her mother.

Negan turned toward them again and saw Alexandra's eyes flicker open when Lucy settled herself against her without waking up. She drew a hand across the top of her head and then draped an arm back around her, touching Negan's fingers with her own as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

"Morning," Alexandra said, giving him a closed-mouth smile but not attempting to fully wake up.

"Morning," Negan said back, squeezing her hand gently so their fingers intertwined.

She kept her eyes closed but kept a smile on her face as she spoke. "How'd you sleep?"

"Great." He reached a hand over Lucy and touched Alexandra's cheek lightly before reconnecting their fingers. "I love you."

"Mmm..." Alexandra continued to smile. "I love you too."

"You're so fucking beautiful honey."

Her eyes opened and she sighed contently. "I feel tired... and like I look tired." Alexandra let out a tiny laugh.

"Holding this family together isn't easy baby." Negan flashed a lazy smile back at her.

She yawned and snuggled Lucy a little closer. "If this one wasn't in between us I'd kiss you right now."

He leaned over Lucy, attempting not to wake her and planted a kiss on her lips before settling back on his side of the bed.

"I'm so happy Negan," Alexandra said to him. "I don't know if I've ever been this happy. Right now..." She closed her eyes again.

"I was thinking the same thing," he admitted.

The sound of a bowl clanking around downstairs in the sink made Alexandra sit up halfway. She looked back to Negan.

"Sarah's downstairs with Joe," he informed her.

She smiled wider and looked down, seeing Lucy yawn as she began to wake up. Alexandra ran a hand through her hair again. "Are you ready to get up sweetie?"

Lucy stretched her arms up above her head and her knuckles grazed the wooden headboard. "Yeah..."

Negan groaned as she turned, digging her knee into his side as she twisted and turned. "Easy kid."

She pushed herself up, placing her hands on his chest for balance to stand in the center of the bed so she towered over both of them. Lucy stretched her arms up as high as they went. "Can I have bacon?"

Negan and Alexandra both began to laugh and then looked at each other. "Whatever you want," he told her.

Lucy began to jump up and down prompting him to chuckle and tell her to go easy again. She began to laugh when she saw him smile and without warning Negan sat up and snatched her into his arms, making her laugh and scream when he began to kiss her cheeks.

"Stop!" she shrieked, still laughing.

Alexandra laughed when Negan didn't immediately let her go. He kissed her a final time on the forehead and then released her. Lucy immediately rolled her way to the end of the bed and got to her feet on the floor. She grabbed Negan's hand and gave it a tug.

"Come on!"

He groaned and turned toward her.

"We'll meet you down there honey," Alexandra told her. "How many pieces do you want?"

"Three." Lucy held up three fingers.

"Eggs too?"

She nodded with a smile.

"Scrambled," Alexandra added.

"Yes." Lucy nodded once and looked at Negan. She pointed at him. "Can you make them Daddy?"

"Sure baby." He smiled and Lucy headed toward the door.

Alexandra cuddled herself against Negan's chest for a moment and he wrapped an arm around her.

"I was just laying her thinking..." he began with a sigh.

"Yeah?"

"I don't have to do what I said last night... not now anyway... with Maggie."

She shrugged against him. "We don't have to decide anything right now."

"I'll spend the rest of my days behind these walls with you Alexandra." Negan ran a hand up and down the top of her arm. "I honestly don't fuckin' need anything else."

Alexandra looked up at him and he dropped his eyes to meet hers. She leaned up just slightly and kissed his cheek, gently holding the other side of his face as she did before planting several kisses on his lips. "We'll have a long talk over dinner some night about all this; our options."

"Okay," Negan agreed. He stared into her eyes as she looked up at him, folding her hands together across his chest and resting her chin there. When she sighed again he smiled. "You going to take care of me and this leg... again?"

Alexandra smiled back at him. "You are in all of my good memories... there's all of the hurt, the pain and the loss in my past and then there's you... just you." She sighed again, "And now the kids."

He traced her face again with his fingertips. "My doctor."

"My savior."

Negan chuckled and Alexandra kissed him again.

"Daddy!" Lucy's voice echoed off the walls from the bottom of the stairs.

"That's your call," Alexandra told him.

"Mm-hmm." Negan kissed her a final time and then shouted down as Alexandra got out of bed. "Coming honey!"

She held her hand out. "Come on. I'll help you downstairs."

Negan took her hand and smiled. "Just like the fuckin' good old days." He winked and allowed her to help him down to the kitchen to make breakfast.


	160. Physical Therapy

With much resistance from Negan, Alexandra drove him from their home the extremely short distance to the medical building in order to provide him with some therapy for his leg. On the ride over she saw Casey in the distance by a memorial they'd created for Richie. He was on one knee with his hat against his chest.

"How are Casey and Shelby doing?" she wondered aloud.

"Huh?" Negan asked from the passenger's seat.

She pointed out the window. "Casey's visiting his brother's grave site."

He shook his head. "Poor fuckin' kid."

"They saved you and Sarah... and then that happens." Alexandra sighed, "I wonder why things happen the way they do sometimes."

"It was all to make this place grow," Negan told her, "There will always be risks."

"I know... I just wish it wasn't that way." She pulled the car to a halt in front of the medical building and then looked at him. "Ready?"

"Yeah." He opened the door and got himself out while Alexandra grabbed the cane he'd requested they bring along in lieu of the walker. "I hate people fuckin' seeing me like this."

"They know who are you are," Alexandra reminded him with a small smile. She kissed him once on the lips and then gave a little push off his chest. "Leave your pride at the door when you enter my domain." A smile formed on her face and she winked at him making him grin back and shake his head.

Negan hobbled inside, already letting out a collection of sighs when Alexandra held the door open for him. "I can't go on forever with this fuckin' limp."

"We're going to work on it." She followed him in, hobbling past Nancy who was flipping through a book of crossword puzzles in the main room.

"Well fuck me shit." Negan smiled when she stood up and accepted a gentle hug from the old doctor.

"Nice to see you too." She held onto him for an extra second. "I saw the two of you last night but you were surrounded by the mob and I figured you wanted your privacy."

Alexandra put a hand on her head and widened her eyes. "Nancy, the apple pie. I completely forgot. I'm so sorry."

Nancy began to laugh, keeping her arm locked around Negan as he draped an arm around her waist. "Don't be sorry Alex. The pie tasted just fine on my deck with Christopher." She smiled. "You had much bigger fish to fry. I was going to stop by today if you didn't come here first."

"Sure you were," Negan joked, leaving a sloppy kiss on her cheek that left Nancy both grinning and wiping her face. "Oh, don't act like you don't fuckin' like it."

"Oh, I love it," she teased back, giving Alexandra a look before laughing. Nancy looked back at him again and tapped his face lightly. "I'm very happy to see you back here Negan."

Alexandra couldn't help but smile from their interaction. "I'll give _you_ two some privacy so I can set up some things back here for you."

"Don't excite the woman too much," he said.

"Excite me?" Nancy asked, "If I'm not mistaken you just kissed me sir." She winked at Alexandra and hugged Negan again. She then headed back to her book of puzzles, "If neither of you mind I'd like to stop in with some baked goods tonight when I get out of work... if you're up for it."

"Definitely," Alexandra called as she headed down the hall.

"I was going to fuckin' say no," Negan teased again. He smiled at Nancy who grinned at him.

"Just as fresh," she observed.

"Would you fuckin' have it any other way?"

Nancy grinned at him. "No."

Negan leaned on the cane and began his march down the hall. "I'll see ya tonight then Nance."

"Okay."

He hobbled toward Alexandra who was fiddling with a few things they had that she thought might work. When she saw him enter the room she was in she looked up at him. "This is going to be different than the broken leg was."

"I know." Negan huffed a sigh.

Alexandra patted the bed. "Come sit."

"Yes dear," he joked, making her smile.

She studied him as he moved and allowed him to get up himself because she knew that is what he wanted to do.

"I'm going to have you lay back but keep your legs hanging off the edge."

Negan could hear the professional tone in her voice and he grinned before obliging to her order.

Alexandra began to remove his shoes, prompting Negan to make a comment.

"You know... we could have done this at home." He looked down at her, smiling wider as he rested his hands behind his head.

She laughed lightly and tossed his shoes to the side. "With the full house we have... no we couldn't." Alexandra pushed on the bottom of his foot. "Push back against my hand."

Negan did as she asked and then watched as she took her own mental evaluations, secretly admiring her passion for the medical field.

Alexandra squeezed his ankle, his calf and his thigh. "Feel that?"

"All of the above." He closed his eyes. "The calf was a little fuckin' weak."

She switched her hands so she felt the back of his leg this time up on his hamstring. "Anything you can't feel?"

Negan cleared his throat, "Right there down through the back of my fuckin' knee."

Alexandra waved him up and then ran her hand up the back of his shirt. She pressed her fingers into his back down his spine, gently running them the length of his back. "Nothing on the lower half, huh?"

He shook his head. "Not really doll."

"Can you lay back down for me?" Alexandra bent his leg so his knee was tucked up toward his chest. "Just let me move your leg around relax."

Negan chuckled once, making her smile but she quickly fell back into her role as his doctor.

"I can just see the thoughts swirling through your mind," she told him.

"Don't know what you're fuckin' talking about," he lied, still grinning and then closed his eyes again when he relaxed.

Alexandra decided to play along and purposely ran her hand over the front of his pants before resuming what she was doing.

Negan laughed without opening his eyes but heard her laugh back. "That's a bit unprofessional."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He grinned wide. "Yeah ya do."

Alexandra chuckled again. "You can sit up for me."

Negan opened his eyes and pushed himself up again so he sat facing her. "I forgot how much I like you in doctor mode." He ran a hand through her hair and studied her expression.

She placed her hands on either side of where he sat and slowly leaned in to kiss him. "Are you ready to do some walking exercises?"

"No." Negan tipped the corner of his mouth up in a half-smile, "But let's do it."

Alexandra smiled back and kissed him again. "Do what exactly?" She winked and reached for his hands, helping him off the bed and then began to walk across the room.

Negan laughed again. "Honey I like it when you're a little fuckin' sassy with me."

She smiled at him. "Put as much pressure as you can on the leg and walk to me."

He let out a sigh and then slowly began to make his way to her. Alexandra studied his movements, eyeing the leg that had been affected by the gunshot wound.

"How's it feel?"

"Feels like my fuckin' leg is fighting to feel and not feel."

"What do you mean?"

Negan let out another deep breath. "I can feel half of it, can't feel the other half."

"Does it feel any different than it has in the past few days? Or when you were up at Kismet and George's house?"

He cleared his throat as he continued on. "Not really."

"Okay." Alexandra watched as he walked the rest of the way, feeling bad as she witnessed his demeanor change after she asked the question.

Negan sighed again as he got to her and gave her a look that showed his slight frustration.

"We're going to work on this every day," she told him, "It'll come around."

"Yeah."

Alexandra ran a hand through his hair and then rested a hand on his face and kissed him again. "I'll take good care of you."

Negan managed a small smile but shook his head. "Watch me hobble the fuck back now."

She kept a hand on his face and his eyes remained focused on hers. Alexandra didn't look away and undid the button on his pants. She was pleased when he couldn't hold back a smile. "This doesn't have to be depressing." Alexandra giggled when he fed into her flirty antics. "I know this sucks for you because you're a strong man. But when you're married to your doctor..." She raised her eyebrows and smirked, "The doctor can make it a little fun." She motioned for him to turn around, "Now you can hobble back."

Negan found his big smile again and made his way back. Again, Alexandra watched, attempting to evaluate him from all angles as he moved along and then rejoined him by the bed.

"I'm not going to put you through a ton of things today," she said. "You need a lot of rest still. Maybe I'll have you walk the room a few times with the cane, or using the wall."

Negan sat back down and pulled her toward him and kissed her. "Give me a little bit of the fun stuff first?" he asked.

Alexandra sighed and wrapped her arms around the back of his neck. "We can alternate." She pressed her lips back against his.

"Then I think I can give this physical therapy shit a try."

"You better." She kissed him again a little harder. When his hands began to wander she laughed and pushed back an arm's length so her hands were against his shoulders. "Okay... get back up."

Negan groaned and then gave in when she kissed him again. "You're a tease doc."

"I'll follow through with my end of the deal," Alexandra told him with a grin. "But..." she winked, "...business first."


	161. No Accidents

Negan sat on the porch and watched as Sarah and Eric showed Lucy the simple rules of hopscotch out on the street in front of the house. He rocked back and forth in his chair and suddenly had that 'old man on the front porch' feeling.

 _All I'm missing is a shotgun_ , he thought.

Alexandra came out the front door holding Joseph who was spouting out words in his own language, occasionally getting out a word they recognized. "How's Daddy feeling?" She leaned down and kissed him on the lips.

"Feelin' fuckin' great now that Mama took care of me." Negan pulled her in for another kiss and then reached for Joseph.

Alexandra handed over their son and at in the chair next to him as Negan began to talk to him. Joseph reached a hand out, grabbing at his face and laughing from the popping noises Negan was making with his tongue.

"He is a little clone of you," Alexandra told him. She toyed with Negan's hair.

"So you're saying he's ugly," he joked.

She chuckled, "Handsome as they come... and destined to be a little ladies man."

Negan turned to look at her, prompting Joseph to rattle off, "Da-da-da-da-da."

"Jo-jo-jo-jo-jo!" he said back and then made a face that had him giggling.

Alexandra laughed. "I wish I could take pictures of these moments."

Negan settled Joseph in one arm and slipped his hand into hers. "You don't need 'em honey."

"I know," she said, "But I want them." Alexandra let a smile spread across her face.

"Come here baby." Negan leaned over and gave her another kiss, going with it as Alexandra kissed him a few more times in a row.

She kept her eyes closed for a minute and then finally looked at him. "Negan I am still so..." Alexandra struggled to find the right word and felt a little silly from the one she chose to complete the sentence, "...smitten by you."

"I have the effect on women," he joked with a chuckle.

Alexandra smiled and put a hand on the side of his face. "I mean it. We've been together for so long and there are these random moments when my heart just feels so full being around you." She sighed, "I guess the feeling does become a little magnified when you thought you lost the person you love."

Negan tightened his fingers around hers and then lifted the back of her hand to his lips. "You'll always be it for me honey. I love you."

"I love you too."

Joseph began to whine and tried to get himself comfortable on Negan's lap. A pout formed on his face when he couldn't, even when Negan attempted to readjust him. "Mama. Ma." He reached his arms toward Alexandra.

"Come here baby." She smiled and cuddled him against her. Joseph settled against her chest and gently gripped her shirt, laying his head down flat and closing his eyes a moment later.

"Looks like his dad but he's his mama's boy," Negan said with a wide smile.

"That's how it should be." Alexandra looked down at him and rubbed his back, gently resting her cheek against the top of his head. She let her eyes travel toward the street where Kismet and George walked with Matt.

"Tour guide's making his rounds," Negan said, prompting a short chuckle from Alexandra when Matt waved to them.

Kismet wore a big smile when she walked up on the kids playing in the road and there was a natural glow on her face that made Negan turn to Alexandra.

"George is in trouble," he told her with a laugh.

"What do you mean?" Alexandra smiled and continued to look out as they began to make their way up the walkway.

"How is that I can tell the look on a woman's face when she wants kids and you can't?" Negan continued to grin and raised his eyebrows. Before Alexandra could reply Matt was greeting them as he made his way onto the porch with their new friends.

"I think we're going to be staying," Kismet told them, "At least for now." She looked back at George who looked eager to please his wife, but not at all opposed to the idea.

"It's amazing what you all have here," her husband said with a nod.

Kismet toyed with a necklace she was wearing and looked at Joseph. "I really am amazed at what you've made of this world. I honestly didn't think any of it was possible." She looked at Negan for a moment and shook her head, "And here I was thinking I was living like optimistically. I told you to do soul searching but I think I needed it even more." She looked at Alexandra now and motioned to Joseph, "He's beautiful."

"Thank you," Alexandra told her with a smile and a nod.

"I saw him sleeping there last night at dinner and now." Kismet looked back at Lucy who was pointing toward the ground as Eric took his turn hopping on one foot across the pavement. "This is the future." She smiled at Negan. "Thank you."

He huffed a laugh. "For what?"

"For opening my eyes to all of this."

"I was hurt... you took care of me... the rest is just a fuckin' accident."

Kismet shook her head adamantly. "There are no accidents."

"I agree," Alexandra said quickly. She looked at Negan who glanced at her for a moment.

"I introduced them to most of us here," Matt explained with a grin. "This community is really starting to thrive and grow."

"Are you going to follow through with your plan?" Kismet asked, "With Maggie?"

Negan felt Alexandra turn to him again and before he could attempt to explain the complicated, roundabout version of his answer she answered for him.

"Yes," Alexandra said. "He's going to."

"In time," Negan said to her. He turned and then they both looked back out to Kismet and George.

"There is no time limit on these things," George reminded him. "Do things at our own pace," and then added, "Together."

"You know I really fuckin' miss opening fortune cookies," Negan told him, "So it's good to have you two around for quirky little fuckin' sayings like that."

"Negan." Alexandra turned to him and then looked back at the two of them and Matt with her mouth half open.

Kismet snickered and George returned a grin. "His humor is one of his best qualities," she said, still smiling, "You can't expect a man with a bold soul to hold back."

"You're fuckin' right." Negan told them. "Doesn't make me any less fuckin' thankful. And I'm glad you're sticking around if that counts for anything."

"It does." Kismet nodded with a smile. "Well, we won't keep you. I just wanted to say hello and get a glimpse of the little one."

Negan smiled and was tempted to say something about her having kids of her own but he bit his tongue. "Stop by any time. We may need a fuckin' babysitter if we decided to go to the movies or out to dinner one night."

The three of them smiled and Kismet nodded. "I'll take you up on that." She waved as did George and Matt before heading back toward the street.

"I have to get something cooking for dinner soon," Alexandra said with a content sigh.

"I'll do it," Negan offered.

"No, you've been through enough. You-"

He reached over and grabbed her face and kissed her. "I want to."

Alexandra smiled. "Okay."

Negan winked and leaned back in his seat, taking in the view of the neighborhood as the sun began to set.

When Alexandra reached for his hand again he turned to her. When she didn't immediately say anything he raised his eyebrows. "What?" He suspected she wanted to talk about what Kismet had said. "I don't need to follow through with seeing Maggie-"

"I think we should try to get the kids to bed early tonight."

Negan looked at Joseph and then back to Alexandra. A slow smirk formed on his face. "Lucy lives in our room now I thought."

"Not tonight." Alexandra smiled at him. "I may have to rush everyone through dinner too."

He chuckled. "I fuckin' like the sound of this."

Negan leaned in toward her and Alexandra went into to give him a kiss but he purposely stopped himself to tease her and then whispered. "What about Nancy's apple pie?"

Alexandra smiled and then let out a hearty laugh. She crinkled her nose. "I guess it'll have to wait until after dessert then."

Negan laughed and kissed her. "I can tell Nancy to hit the road," he offered, "Or to bring a fuckin' can of whipped cream with her."

Alexandra laughed a little harder. She put her forehead down on his shoulder and then sighed as he chuckled. She looked up and ran a hand through his hair again. "I just need a little alone time with my husband tonight."

"You got it baby." He kissed her again and then winked before standing up.

"Where are you going?"

Negan reached for the cane that leaned up against the porch railing. "Going to get dinner started." He smiled and leaned down to kiss her once more. "I'll come get you when it's ready."


	162. Sunrise

Negan glanced over at Alexandra who laid asleep next to him. He smiled to himself and was tempted to kiss her forehead or cheek but he didn't want to wake her.

Outside the sky began the faintest glow that indicated it wouldn't be long before the sun rose. The world inside the walls of the Manor provided a peace like nowhere else either of them had been in a long time.

He sat up in bed and quietly swung his legs over the side to get up, tossing on a pair of shorts. When he glanced back over his shoulder he saw Alexandra stir just enough that she woke up.

"Where are you going?" she asked in a scratchy, tired tone.

Negan leaned down over her and brushed her hair back. "Go back to sleep for a few minutes."

"Don't get up yet," she begged with a tired smile.

He snickered and placed a knee on the bed to give her a long kiss.

"The kids didn't cry did they?" Alexandra asked, not letting him part from her.

"No."

"So don't leave."

Her persistence made him laugh lightly again. "I'll be back up in a few minutes."

"Nope," she teased with a giggle and pulled him toward her, kissing him again. "You said you wouldn't get dressed."

"I'm not," Negan laughed.

Alexandra pointed to the shorts he threw on.

"I can't leave the room without them," he told her.

"You aren't leaving the room at all."

Negan got a kick out of her aggressive pursuit of him and gave in just a little. "Haven't you fuckin' had enough of me doll?" he asked with a laugh, but played into her advances and trailed kisses down the center of her bare chest.

"Not even close," she told him, still smiling as she closed her eyes.

Negan found her lips again, kissing her hard enough that he almost rejected the plan he had for them in the early hours of the morning. When he let out a moan into her mouth Alexandra locked her legs around him and began to slide her hands inside his shorts.

He chuckled again and put his lips to her ear. "I'll be right back," he whispered.

Alexandra sighed and let her head relax back into the pillow. She stared up at him and smiled, tracing her hand down his face. "You don't have one more left for me?"

"Oh I've got a couple more left in me," Negan promised with another light laugh he couldn't hold back. He kissed her once softly on the lips without closing his eyes.

"But..." She sighed again and brushed back his hair.

He smirked and dipped his head to kiss along her collar bone. "But I was about to head downstairs, make us both a cup of coffee, hop out the window right there to sit on the roof so we could watch the sun rise."

Alexandra slid a hand across the back of his neck while he continued to pepper her neck with kisses before beginning to pay attention to her breasts.

"But now I don't know if I want to get up," he confessed.

She didn't initially respond, paying more attention to his actions and the feel of his erection that pushed against her despite the barrier that was created by his shorts.

"When's the sun rise?" Alexandra asked him beginning to tighten her arms around him.

"Soon." Negan muffled the word into her neck. He took a deep breath and stopped, pushing himself up onto his hands.

Alexandra's eyes flickered open and she smiled up at him. "You said once that I didn't fall for prince charming," she laughed, "But that might be one of the more romantic things you've ever suggested."

"Soul searching." He rolled his eyes, "Those fuckin' hippies got to me a little."

She laughed and pulled him down to kiss him once. "Let's watch the sunrise."

"You sure?" Negan's eyes studied the length of her body that he could see from where they laid and he closed his eyes for a moment.

"Yeah."

"Positive?"

Alexandra nodded and then laughed from his response.

"Fuck." He hesitated before getting off of her.

"Well, if you don't want to-" she began, sitting up partway.

"I wanted to." Negan chuckled and got back to his feet, using the wall to help him along the side of the bed.

"Do you need help?"

He glanced down at the front of his pants. "Not with the walking part but you did activate the fuckin' launch sequence here honey."

Alexandra laughed and looked out the window.

"You want to see the sunrise now," he confirmed. She nodded and he laughed, "Funny how quick the roles reversed there." Negan hobbled to the door and reached for the handle.

"You can't go out there like that," Alexandra told him.

He eyed the front of shorts again. "Down boy." When she laughed he shrugged, "Didn't fuckin' work." Negan flung open the door, "I'll be right back."

She laid down flat for a few seconds when he closed the door but decided to get dressed if they were going to be climbing out the window. Alexandra sighed and thought about the past forty-eight hours. She had taken mental pictures of everything since she didn't have access to an actual camera - Lucy's big smiles at her father, the way she played happily with Sarah, Joseph's baby giggles on Negan's lap and the way her husband smiled at her. All of it was good memories after the lengthy period of pain.

Alexandra tossed on a pair of scrub pants she often slept in and a white t-shirt before rounding the bed and tossing open the window. The refreshing morning air added to the sense of tranquility and there was a hint of the scents of spring or early summer.

She smiled for a moment and reached for a small, plaid blanket that had fallen off the end of the bed before taking it upon herself to climb out onto the low roof outside their window.

The world was still dark but blues began to make themselves known in the sky and for a minute Alexandra had a rare, private moment and took it all in. Stars still lingered from the night before and the chirpy sounds of nature's smallest creatures allowed her to maintain that feeling of calm; of normalcy. There were no walkers there to break up the peace. There were no gunshots. No conflict.

A chill ran down Alexandra's back as she hoped she hadn't mentally jinxed it but quickly shook her head and decided that voodoo wouldn't be a part of the romantic morning that Negan had planned.

Every few minutes she turned her head toward the window, thinking she heard him come into the bedroom but it wasn't for another fifteen minutes or so that he finally joined her.

Alexandra took the coffee cups from his hands. "You got it?" she asked, watching him push his big body through the open window.

"I fuckin' got it." He winked and adjusted himself on the blanket so she sat in between his legs with her back against his bare chest.

"Here." She felt him shiver from the slight breeze in the air and handed him the blanket.

Negan tossed it around the two of them and secured his free arm around her.

"Just made it for the sunrise," Alexandra told him, leaning back tighter against him.

He tapped the coffee mug against hers and then kissed her on the cheek. "Cheers doll. Never fuckin' thought I'd enjoy something like this."

She sighed squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

Negan sighed and whispered into her ear. "I fucking love you."

Alexandra smiled and whispered back. "I fucking love you too." She sighed contently and the two of them sat in silence for the next few minutes as they watched the sun rise over the Manor.


	163. Eyes on the Road

Negan almost laughed when he saw the confused look on his daughter's face as he set down a bicycle that Annie had given to them per his request.

"It's a bike," he told her.

"A bike?"

"Yeah." Negan patted the seat. "Come here." He glanced up and down the open area of road they had.

Lucy's eyes rose to meet his and she hurried over to him.

"Didn't you learn this word when you were reading with Mommy?"

She shook her head and glanced down. "Sit there?"

"Yeah." He moved around to the front, securing the bike by the handles as she hopped on and placed her feet on the pedals.

"Move your hands," Lucy ordered, prompting Negan to smirk. He re-positioned his hands on the bar in the center in between them. When the bicycle wobbled a bit Lucy's hands tightened around the handles and she looked up to her father. "Whoa."

Negan laughed. "I'm not going to let you fall," he assured her.

"What do I do?"

"Those things your feet are on," he explained, "Those are the pedals." Negan limped off to the side keeping one hand on the front bar and the other on her back.

When the bike wobbled just slightly her eyes widened. "Daddy I'm gonna fall."

"You're not going to fall," he assured her. "Push forward with your foot on my side." Negan held on while pushing the bike forward just a little as Lucy got her first two roundabouts in with her feet. "Keep your eyes on the road champ," he said when she looked down briefly at her feet.

A light flutter of laughter left her mouth as she picked up just the tiniest amount of speed.

"That's it," Negan chuckled and Lucy began to laugh a little louder. "Don't go too fast yet," he instructed, attempting to keep up, particularly with his injury. "Keep pedaling."

She took in several deep breaths, still smiling as he helped her move along down the street. Negan picked up to a faster walk and used his own force to slow her down just a bit so she wouldn't fly out of his grasp.

"No training wheels," he said to himself.

"What's training wheels?" Lucy asked, still looking straight ahead as she steered.

"Extra wheels so I could let you go."

"Don't let go," she said right away, looking in his direction.

"Eyes on the road," Negan nodded forward again.

"Champ," Lucy finished. She almost turned to him again with a smile but refrained because she knew what he would say. As her feet began to move faster Negan chuckled again.

"Goin' too fast for me kid."

"Run!"

He laughed. "Wish I could."

"Why can't you?"

"This is step one," Negan told her. "Soon I'm going to let you go."

"No," she whined.

He chuckled to himself. "Not today... but one day."

Lucy breathed heavily as she tried to pedal faster and Negan had to fight to keep her at a pace that he could level with.

"Mom might be able to go faster with you," he told her. "Or Sarah."

"No, you."

"Daddy can't walk fast enough anymore."

"Because of your broken leg?"

"Yeah," Negan answered simply.

Lucy let go with one hand and pointed. "Look Daddy. The new lady."

He glanced up and saw Kismet taking a late afternoon stroll and gave a nod with his head.

"Look at her go," she gushed, waving to Lucy.

"Hands on the handles," Negan said quietly with a smirk to his daughter. When he winked at her Lucy smiled.

When Kismet kept walking Negan shouted to her. "You guys getting the hang of shit here?"

"Daddy." That was all Lucy had to say as she kept pedaling. Negan smiled and apologized for his foul language.

"We are," she told him. "I can't help but worry about my plants up there on that mountain but it doesn't even compare to what you have here."

"I know what plants you're talking about." Negan smirked, prompting Kismet to shake her head.

"Your judgment about all of us hippies doing drugs is a little insulting," she teased with a smile.

"Don't know what you're talkin' about." Negan smiled again.

"What's a hippie Dad?" Lucy asked.

He laughed out loud and pointed to Kismet, "That's a hippie honey." When Kismet began to chuckle and shake her head he added. "It's a peaceful person who saved your Daddy."

Kismet skimmed a peace sign with her fingers and Lucy giggled and made the motion back.

"Hands on the handles!" Negan purposely yelled and laughed when his daughter jumped and grabbed the bike handles harder.

"Don't scare her," Kismet said with a laugh. She shook her head again but kept the smile on her face. "You two are adorable together."

"What's that mean?" Lucy asked.

"Super super cute," Negan told her. He let out a deep breath and looked st her as he stopped wheeling her around for a moment. "Daddy's tired."

"Wheel me to there." Lucy begged, pointing toward their driveway.

"Okay," he agreed without a fight.

"So long," Kismet waved to them.

Negan nodded toward her again and then tried to move as fast as he could so Lucy could enjoy the last part of the bike ride with him.

"Careful!" Alexandra shouted as she wandered out onto the front porch with Joseph latched against her.

"Look Mom!" Lucy shouted.

"I see honey!" She grinned wide and Negan brought the two of them to a halt by the driveway.

"Can we keep going?" She whispered, looking up at him with a big grin.

Negan wished he didn't have the physical limitations brought on by the gunshot wound. It was the first time that he really felt emotional about it. "If my leg didn't hurt honey I'd stay out here all night with you."

"Want to trade?" Alexandra called down to them.

Negan looked down at Lucy and nodded toward Alexandra. "Mom's turn."

"Alright."

"Jeez don't sound so happy," Alexandra teased. She laughed and rounded down into the yard.

"Gimme that boy." Negan flashed a big smile and took Jospeh from Alexandra. They exchanged a quick kiss before Alexandra joined Lucy.

"Ready?" She asked.

Lucy nodded at the same time that Joseph began to cry and reach for his mother. When Alexandra looked back Negan smirked.

"I got him." He waved a hand, "Go." Negan shook his head and smiled at Alexandra as he began to rock Joseph back and forth.. "Mama's boy."

She nodded toward their daughter. "And Daddy's girl."

"Yup." Negan chuckled and began to limp toward the front porch. "Well... we did something right honey."

Alexandra smiled as he tried to coax Joseph out of the wailing cry he was caught up in.

"Mommy come on," Lucy urged. "You have to do it like Dad did. Put your hand on that bar."

Alexandra chuckled. "Okay." She agreed. "I'll do it like Dad."


	164. Just Three

"Alex." Matt walked over to where Alexandra was still helping to wheel Lucy around.

"Hey Matt." She smiled, "Thanks for the bike."

He nodded, smiling only briefly before letting it fade. "You're welcome."

Alexandra immediately picked up on his body language. "Is something wrong?"

Matt cleared his throat and glanced up toward their home where Negan was only paying attention to Joseph.

"Something's wrong," she concluding, following his gaze over her shoulder before staring back at him.

"Not terribly."

"Just say it Matt." Alexandra couldn't stand the anticipation. The tone of her voice made Lucy's eyes jump to meet hers and Alexandra ran a hand over the top of her head gently.

"I wanted to come to you first," Matt said, "Before Negan."

"Okay..."

"There are people at the gate."

"What people?"

He swallowed. "Three of them."

"Matt what people?" Alexandra attempted not to raise her voice.

"Mommy." Lucy looked up at her again and leaned slightly so her foot rested on the pavement.

"I'm sorry honey." She looked down at her daughter for a moment and then lifted her eyes back to Matt.

"Morgan... Maggie..."

Alexandra felt her chest grow heavy but of all the names they weren't the worst two. She sighed, knowing one day a meeting was destined to happen again. There was too much history, too much passion between the two groups, that it was inevitable. "And?"

"And, uh..." Matt hesitated.

"Matt!" Alexandra said his name loud enough that Negan finally glanced over toward them and Lucy's hand tightened around her mother's.

"Rick," he said immediately but quietly, eying Negan again on the porch. "The third person is Rick."

Alexandra embraced the reality for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"I wanted to ask you first before I made the decision," Matt told her.

"Ask me what?"

"What to do," he explained, "We disarmed them... didn't have much on them."

"Jesus..." Alexandra put a hand up to her face and looked around.

"I'll send them away."

"They'll just come back."

"Alex!" Negan shouted from the porch. He half leaned over the short railing.

Alexandra knew when she turned and he saw her face that he would know that something was going on - possibly exactly what was going on, just from a single look. She held up a hand and continued to face Matt as she contemplated what to do.

"Why would they agree to give up their weapons?"

"They barely had anything."

"That's my point," she said quietly. "They might have others nearby... in the woods... something." Alexandra took a deep breath, "Morgan and Maggie though..." She knew it felt against their nature to set them up. "None of them probably know that Negan is alive."

Alexandra finally turned and faced her husband who stood adamantly waiting on the porch. He stood stiffly with Joseph in his arms but the creases in between his pressed-together eyebrows showed his concern. "We need to talk," she said calmly.

"Fuckin' sounds like it."

"Mommy." Lucy's voice was less persistent and softer. She reached an arm up and Alexandra scooped her up with one arm, catching the bicycle with the other.

"I've got it." Matt reached for the bike and picked it up as they began to walk toward where Negan still stood.

Alexandra cuddled Lucy against her. "They're here Negan." She glanced at their daughter and tried to boost the tone of her voice so she wouldn't sense the worry.

"I'm guess by they you mean Rick's group."

"Not Rick's group," she explained, "Rick."

"And Maggie and Morgan," Matt added. He held up a Colt Python revolver. "We took the weapons they had."

"What do they want?" Negan asked him.

He cleared his throat. "Maggie asked if they could speak with Alexandra."

"With me?" she asked.

Negan rounded over toward the short set of stairs that led down into the yard. He reached for his cane with his free hand. "I'm assuming you're here to ask us for some kind of fuckin' permission," he said to Matt.

Matt nodded. "It's your call. I'm with whatever decision you make."

He took the stairs, prompting Alexandra to walk over to help him.

"I got it," Negan assured her.

"They want to talk to me," she reminded him.

"Not without me." He looked at her and she nodded.

"Okay."

Matt held up a handheld radio. "Do you want me to give Jack the call to let them in?"

"Just the three of them," Alexandra said. "You could leave Rick outside."

Negan managed a grin and nudged her with his elbow. He winked at her, causing her to flash a small smile. When Matt hesitated Negan nodded at him. "Have them wait a step inside the gates."

Matt nodded and quickly radioed to Jack. "The three of them... send them in."

Alexandra could see part of the main gate from where they stood. When it began to raise she felt a lump develop in her throat. She glanced at Negan beside her who limped along. She wanted to reach for his hand but Joseph was in one arm and he used the cane to aid in the long walk to the gate.

"Walk them to meet us halfway," Matt instructed, noting Negan's slow walk.

No one spoke as they made their way down the street. When the three members of the Alexandria and Hilltop communities grew close the internal tensions began to rise within Alexandra. She saw Maggie nearly stop in her tracks when she saw Matt escorting their little family. Morgan's eyes were soft as always and Rick's gaze shifted from person to person. He seemed unprepared for what was to come and Alexandra didn't know if it had something to do with their children, Negan's extensive injury or the fact that he was alive at all.

The home stretch seemed to take forever but it was less than a minute or two until the representatives from each group were standing in front of one another.

Maggie's mixed emotions shined through in her partway open mouth and stare that clung to Lucy for a long moment and then shifted to Joseph. Morgan appeared the most serene, simply taking it all in with a peaceful, calming expression. He gave nothing away. Rick eyed the cane in Negan's left hand, appearing as if he was studying his physical condition with mild shock. Lastly, he looked at Joseph in Negan's arms and then made eye contact with him for the first time.

Questions were swirling around in everyone's minds but Negan was the first to talk. "Hi Rick."

Rick stirred uneasily, glancing at Lucy now and then back to Joseph and Negan again. His eyes squinted and he replied simply. "Hi."


	165. Treaty

There was a lingering silence so thick and uncomfortable that even the simple greeting of hello came as a struggle. Years of tension that had been built through the back and forth battles the opposing sides - the hurt, the loss, the pain... it all radiated out of each of them.

Matt stood by almost hesitant to make eye contact with anybody. He knew of the ongoing feud but hadn't been there to personally witness any of it aside from the staggered events of the recent years that stemmed from Carl's lingering hatred for Negan.

"Daddy," Lucy finally spoke. "Who are they?" she remained tightly attached to Alexandra but extended an arm toward Maggie, Morgan and Rick.

Maggie's eyes quickly softened more than they already had been. Lucy's tiny voice filled her with emotion and triggered a response that left everyone else focused on her. Slowly, Maggie turned her body slightly away from the rest of them, placing a hand over her mouth as her eyes pressed shut.

Alexandra exchanged a glance with Negan and Morgan immediately stepped over to put an arm around her shoulders as she began to sob quietly. Rick's features softened and he took a step in their direction, altering his eye contact from his own people to Negan and his family.

"Why are you crying?" Lucy asked, boldly extending the question to Maggie who attempted to tap off the wave of emotion.

"Lucy..." Alexandra whispered quietly. She shook her head and her daughter nervously put her fingers up to her mouth. "It's okay," Alexandra added.

"They're beautiful," Maggie sniffed in, still keeping her back to them. She drew the back of her hand across her eyes and then took a deep breath before finding it in her to turn back around.

"Thank you," Alexandra said softly with a nod.

"How's your boy?" Negan asked, looking at Rick.

Rick's eyes abruptly shifted to Negan and he simply nodded. "Better than you." He eyed the cane in his hand again but wasn't at all combative in his words.

"Good."

"Rosita said..." he paused, "She thought you were-"

"Everyone did up until a few days ago," Negan informed him.

"We came here to extend our condolences to Alex," Rick went on. "We wanted to try to make amends... with her." He looked to Matt, "With your community."

"And now you're fuckin' not because I survived the bullet your kid put through me."

"What's your name?" Maggie looked at Lucy who had tucked her head neatly against her mother's chest.

Rick and Negan refocused their eyes on them.

Lucy looked up at Alexandra as if waiting for confirmation that it was alright to respond. She pushed a few strands of hair away from her daughter's eyes. "It's okay honey."

"Lucy," she responded quietly.

Maggie smiled but Rick looked at Negan.

"We named her after Negan's wife Lucille," Alexandra knew she didn't need to explain but the look on Rick's face made her blurt out the summary of the history. "She died of cancer when the outbreak began."

"My son is about your age," Maggie explained with a nod, "A little bit older."

"What's his name?" Lucy asked.

Maggie fought back tears and ran a hand across the bridge of her nose. "It's, uh, his name is Hershel."

"Hershel." Lucy repeated the name as if trying to make sense of it.

"Yeah." She smiled and let a single tear fall.

"My brother's name is JoJo."

Maggie looked at the baby in Negan's arms. Joseph fidgeted around and rattled off a string of syllables in an attempt to speak.

Negan and Maggie made eye contact for a long moment and he almost offered to let her hold him but he stopped himself.

"It's a nice community you have here," Morgan said. "Of course we've known that."

"So you came to pass your condolences to Alexandra." Negan repeated Rick's words. "Since that you don't have to do that what now?"

"We were hoping to make a truce," Morgan explained. "No one wants the animosity anymore. We don't need people dying..." he looked at Rick. "Or almost dying."

"That was before," Rick said quietly . "He's alive."

"I'm fuckin' standing right here," Negan made a face.

"Daddy..." it was the only word Lucy used to address her father when he used foul language.

"I'm sorry baby."

"You're always sorry." Lucy sighed. "But you always say it."

Rick looked at the young girl and managed a crooked smile. "Smart kid."

"Smarter than yours," Negan shot back, prompting Rick to glare at him. When he took a half a step in Negan's direction Maggie spoke calmly but firmly.

"Stop." She glanced at the two of them. "Both of you."

Rick's eyes focused hard on Negan, who looked back at him neutrally. When Joseph began to cry he began to rock him up and down.

"Shhh..."

"Want to trade back?" Alexandra asked.

"Up to Lucy." He looked at his daughter who nodded.

Alexandra placed her on her feet and Negan handed Joseph over.

Lucy reached her hands up and Negan scooped her up. She turned to face the others, glancing at Rick for a moment before setting her eyes on Morgan for the first time.

He managed a smile and waved making her do the same.

"We can live in peace," he said to everyone. "If we can forgive the past." Morgan looked to Maggie first and then Rick. "That's what we came here to do."

"We didn't have all of the information," Rick stated.

"Rick let me fu-" Negan held his tongue because he knew of his daughter's disapproval of the word. "Let me ask you something. Can you accept responsibility? Responsibility for what you have done in this world?"

Rick began to snicker and he shook his head.

"It's an honest question."

"Can you?"

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah I know I've done wrong." Negan chuckled back, "Shit at least I know I did some bad things in my journey to stay alive. Can you admit the same thing?"

Rick didn't immediately respond but soon pointed to Maggie. "You killed a good man... her husband... the father of her child."

"I know," Negan admitted.

"And you feel no remorse-"

"I do," Negan explained. "I feel a shitload of it."

"It won't bring him back," Rick said.

"No shit." He adjusted Lucy in his arms as she laid her head down against him. "But again... I know that. I can acknowledge that. I'm fuckin' struggling with that... but I know." Negan looked him in the eye. "Can you do the same? Can you take a fraction of responsibility for kicking off this relationship we have by killing my men in their sleep? Just a fraction Rick..."

"You're struggling with what?" he challenged.

"Killing the father of Maggie's child," Negan explained. He glanced at her briefly and then looked to Alexandra.

"You took something irreplaceable from me," Maggie admitted, "Not just a man I love but one of the last few truly good men. He hadn't killed anyone until that night... not one. It was against his nature." She nodded and pressed her lips together but went on without crying. "Yeah..." Maggie recomposed herself, "He would have been an amazing father to our son."

Alexandra had the urge to comfort her but she didn't know if it was her place. She was stuck between what she felt for Maggie at that moment and her feelings and life with Negan.

"I get it... now," Negan admitted. "I killed people without taking a second to think about who they were. I just retaliated. It was all war to me. The world was dead... I was dead."

Maggie bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes. "I made that deal."

Negan squinted his eyes. "What deal?"

"The deal with the Hilltop... to kill the Saviors the first time." She looked at Rick. "If we hadn't done that..."

"We were starving," Rick reminded her.

"We had gardens growing," Morgan chimed in, "I was against it from the start."

"You were against any type of killing."

"I'm not..." Maggie took a deep breath in, "I'm not trying to argue and say who was right, who was wrong... but we had our hands in this. Yes, it was to eat... but we did it. _We_ did it."

"I won't apologize," Rick began. He was about to continue on but Negan stopped him.

"You were doing what I was doing," Negan told him. "I just had more fuckin' people." He shook his head. "My team... at the time... was stronger. There were casualties. It was war... a war for land, for food."

"And now we don't have that problem anymore," Morgan looked around at all of them. "We have food, you have food. We have doctors and babies being born... so do you." He motioned to the children in their arms. "Humankind is returning. The world is growing. Life is... abundant." Morgan took a breath, "The only thing that can ruin that is us, but we have the ability to move on if we want to. That's still our purpose here." He looked to Rick, "That's still mine."

"And it's mine," Maggie added. "I need full closure on this." She looked at Negan, "Plain and simple you took something from me that can never be replaced... and it came far too soon. Glenn was an asset to the community, a great role model and lived in this world more peacefully than anyone I've ever met... always kept a clear head. He had many of the peaceful, good qualities of my father... Hershel. I lost him too... along with my sister Beth and then Glenn." She nodded adamantly, "But I have my son. I have Rick and Morgan... Michonne, Carl, Daryl, Carol... everyone. They're my family and they get me through."

Negan looked down for a moment, humbled by her words that he, too, needed to hear. He glanced at Alexandra, then Joseph and tightened his arms around Lucy. "Maggie... I, uh, I don't think anything I can say will be credible. I know it doesn't make a difference, but I'm sorry. I've thought about what life would be like for my family if something happened to me. When I thought I was going to die when Carl fuckin' shot me it hit me... I got it. I didn't want another man raising my children, or Alexandra to have to do that on her own."

"Where'd you go?" Maggie asked him. "After you were shot. You said everyone here thought you were dead until recently."

"I was saved by a couple of fuckin' hippies. They took me in... bandaged me up. Helped me try to walk again."

"Your limp... what's that about?"

"Think the bullet severed a nerve in my back." Negan leaned on the cane a bit. He looked to Rick. "What happened with Carl?"

Rick ran a hand across his face and then cleared his throat. "He was shot through the right shoulder. He's fine."

"Good."

"Yeah..." He looked away.

There was another bout of silence and then Maggie spoke again. "I'd like to move on. I don't want to be friends, or associate when we don't have to... but I want peace. I want us all to go about our separate lives and if we cross paths then we treat one another like human beings - nothing more, nothing less."

"I'd like that," Alexandra said finally. She nodded and looked to Negan, who looked at Morgan.

"I'm for a solution that brings peace... and ends the feud..." He nodded, "I'll shake hands on that agreement."

Rick fidgeted where he stood and cleared his throat. He looked at Maggie, who was anxiously awaiting his answer.

"Carl could have died, Rick," Morgan reminded him, "Over what?"

Rick closed his eyes and drew a hand across his brow line. "Yeah..." he paused and reluctantly agreed. "I'll agree to a peace treaty." Rick looked more directly at Negan. "If you ever go back on this... I'll bury you."

Negan gave a half-smile. "Okay."

Maggie looked at the children again before looking to Alexandra and Negan. "Then as of right now... our communities will be at peace with one another."

"Will everyone else be on the same page when they learn that Negan is alive?" Alexandra asked.

"We'll talk to them," she explained with a nod. "They listen to Rick." Maggie turned to him. "They believe in Rick Grimes." When he looked at her she nodded, "I do too."


	166. There's Always More

"Do you think the kids were scared today?" Alexandra asked quietly as she closed the door to Lucy's bedroom.

Negan stood in the hallway and approached her as she turned away from the door. He slowly pulled her to him and gave her a long closed-mouth kiss.

When he parted from her he answered her question. "Joseph was just fuckin' drooling on himself and letting his head droop around." When he smiled she chuckled, "And tomorrow we'll take Lucy out on her bike again and she'll forget the whole thing." He kissed her again. "She doesn't know what's going on."

Alexandra put a hand on his cheek and then squeezed the bottom half of his face gently. "Is this really it?" She asked. "Do we get to do this? Live..."

Negan sighed and stared into her eyes so deeply that she felt paralyzed in place. "Alexandra... I've been fuckin' living since the day I broke my leg and you fixed me. You fixed every fuckin' broken part of me."

She smiled at him and felt her eyes grow hot with tears. "Shit," Alexandra said with a laugh as she wiped away the tears that slid down her face.

Negan hugged her to him and she closed her eyes as she cuddled against his chest.

"I mean it honey," he said. "Loving you is fuckin' living."

"Will you stay behind these walls even though they made the truce with us?" She muffled the words against his chest.

"Yes," Negan answered right away.

"Thank you."

He ran a hand up and down her back. "I owe you."

Alexandra looked back up at him. "Does Sarah know they were here?" She asked quietly.

Before Negan could answer, the door swung open in between Lucy's room and their room. Sarah stood in the doorway and leaned an elbow on the frame with a smirk.

Alexandra parted herself from Negan and immediately smiled, slightly anticipating Sarah's next set of words.

"I know," Sarah explained. "I was, uh..." she laughed to herself and looked at Negan. "I was on the roof of Mikey's house with him... had a rifle pointed at Rick's head from the moment they walked in... just in case."

Negan and Alexandra exchanged a glance and he laughed. "Atta girl."

"You know about the truce?" Alexandra asked her.

"Yeah." Sarah nodded. "I won't go out looking for trouble," she vowed, "I like it here. I like us... our family. I like Eric... and," she cleared her throat. "I like Mikey."

"He's too old for you," Negan and Alexandra said at the same time.

"Well you both sound old saying that." She chuckled. "He's got eyes for some chick down the street... and I guess I'm too young for him." Sarah rolled her eyes.

"So you understand everything?" Alexandra asked her.

Sara nodded and looked at Negan for a moment and then back to Alexandra. "Me and him talked."

He grinned and nodded in confirmation.

"Good." She smiled.

"Now go to bed," Negan instructed.

Sarah made a face. "It's early."

"It's ten fuckin' thirty."

"Early." A slow smile crept across her face and she stared him down while slowly closing the door.

"Smart ass," Negan said with a chuckle, making Alexandra smile. He reached out quickly and grabbed her, making her laugh out loud as he wrapped his arms around her and began to aggressively but playfully kiss up her neck until he found her lips again.

"Do you think Rick-" Alexandra began but Negan cut her off by kissing her again.

"I don't want to talk about Rick," he huffed in between the gentle lapses of his tongue against hers. He finally pulled back and smiled when she agreed with a simple, "Okay."

Negan winked and parted from her to head into the bathroom.

Alexandra followed him and leaned against the door frame as he reached for his toothbrush. She smiled to herself, taking a moment to admire her husband. "You really think everything is okay?"

Negan turned on the water and then looked over. He had an honest feeling that amends were made but the world was full of so much uncertainty that he could never be sure. Still, he went with his gut and wanted to make Alexandra feel secure. "Yeah."

She smiled softly. "Alright." Alexandra stretched her arms up and yawned before backing out into the short hallway.

"Hey..." Negan called to her, prompting Alexandra to step back. A smile crept on his face. "Don't you dare go to fuckin' sleep."

She smiled back and let out a light flutter of laughter. "Not a chance." Alexandra wandered into their bedroom and looked at herself in a mirror that was attached to the wall. She removed a hair elastic from her towel-dried hair and ran her hands through it before walking over and stacking the pillows on her side of the bed. When she laid down she embraced the silence and took a deep, decompressing breath. The only sounds were that of the water running in the bathroom sink and the faint thump of the bass from Sarah's music in the room next door.

Alexandra tried to allow herself to enjoy the good news that was brought on them earlier that day. Negan got some closure with Maggie, Morgan - the good man that he was - contributed to the peace offering that Rick had accepted with them after years and years of feuding. Before she could remind herself of all the uncertainties, like how Carl would feel or if the rest of the community members would be one hundred percent on board, she scolded herself in her mind.

 _Stop._

Negan's toothbrush tapping on the edge of the sink made her eyes flicker back open and she tossed the blankets over herself. The promise she made to Negan to stay awake felt like it could slip away as she sunk deeper into the pillow. The blankets were just warm enough and the lights just dim enough that Alexandra recognized how tired she was for the first time.

The floor creaked as Negan entered the room, closing the door behind him. "You look pretty fuckin' cozy under there." He peeled off his shirt and tossed it to the side.

Alexandra glanced up at him with a smile. "I'm not asleep."

"This fuckin' close." He held his thumb and index finger an inch or so apart as he spoke and then chuckled as he crossed the room.

"You kept me up all night last night," she reminded him, still grinning as she sunk lower into the depths of the covers.

Negan let out a hearty laugh and clicked off the lamp by the side of their bed before sliding in beside her. "I believe that was the other fuckin' way around doll."

Alexandra rolled onto her side to face him and slid her arm around his midsection. She scrunched her nose. "I guess you're right."

He reached down and placed a hand on her hip, pulling her leg up so it was partially wrapped around him. "I'm fuckin' tired too." Negan closed his eyes and cuddled himself closer to her so his head was rested by her chest.

Alexandra wrapped her arm around him, securing him against her body in a coddling fashion.

"Hold me baby," Negan joked with a chuckle that she returned.

She ran a hand through his hair. "Want to watch another sunrise tomorrow morning?"

"Only if it leads to sex," he continued to tease.

Alexandra laughed. "Deal." She sighed, "This is living." She echoed his words from before in the hallway.

Negan ran a hand up and down her back and never opened his eyes. "We've had quite the fuckin' story."

"Yeah," she agreed. "It has to work out for us after all we've been through... right?"

He let out a deep breath through her nose. "I'd hope so honey. You deserve it."

" _We_ deserve it... the kids deserve it."

"Yeah." Negan tightened his arms around her and allowed her to cuddle him closer against her body. "But there's more to come honey... there's always more."


	167. The End?

**Thanks everyone for reading this story. I feel like I could leave this story here, but there is definitely room to continue. I don't want to turn this story into something that feels like it's dragging or do it injustice. I know I've asked for input in the past but any feedback on whether you think this is a good ending, or a weak one or just doesn't feel like it should end there I'd love the help.**

 **There are two things I struggle with when writing: 1) when to end a story (because I never truly want to lol) and 2) when to kill a character off (because I get too attached)**

 **Any/all input is very welcomed. Thanks again for reading this story. I appreciate all the reviews/comments/feedback :)**


	168. Ending

What I decided to do was continue the story on in a sequel kind of thing... that way it is it's own thing..

fanfiction dot com /s/12398426/1/There-s-Always-More-Sequel-to-Negan-s-Nurse


	169. Sequel to NN just trying it out

What I decided to do was continue the story on in a sequel kind of thing... that way it is it's own thing..

fanfiction dot com /s/12398426/1/There-s-Always-More-Sequel-to-Negan-s-Nurse


End file.
